The Lazy Genius Podcast - #39: The Lazy Genius Hosts Thanksgiving

Episode Date: November 13, 2017

Hosting Thanksgiving sounds great in theory but terrifying in execution. So many dishes. So much pressure. And the turkey! What if the turkey is horrible or raw or dry enough to sand the deck? In this episode, I share the three keys to hosting success plus ten of my favorite practical tips. You can do this. Don't forget to check out the only turkey recipe you'll ever need, and this Sunday I'll email The Lazy Genius Collective mailing list everything I have to say about Thanksgiving. Don't miss it, and join here! This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Every Olympic dream starts somewhere. At first, it's just potential. But over time with the right support and a few breakthroughs, it becomes something more. Make RBC Training Ground your breakthrough moment. Start your journey to Team Canada today at rbc trainingground.ca. Hi, lazy geniuses. You're listening to The Lazy Genius Podcast. I'm Kendra, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter

and lazy about the things that don't. Today's episode is episode 39, the lazy genius hosts, Thanksgiving. This is one of those angel and devil on your shoulder situations. You love welcoming people around your table, or at least you want to be the kind of person that loves welcoming people around your table. But the seemingly smarter version of you says you're crazy. It's so much work. It'll never be right. Somebody else can do it better. What's the point? Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Here is the question we are going to answer today. Well, two questions. And you probably fit into one of these camps. Number one, how do I host Thanksgiving?

and still enjoy it. Or how do I host Thanksgiving without getting caught up? Both are steeped in performance, aren't they? If you still want to enjoy it, you probably are doing too many things you don't enjoy. You might be putting too much pressure on yourself. And if you don't want to get caught up, you're probably doing more than you need

in order to maybe impress people. Neither way is super great. Junk happens both ways, so we're all in this together. today we're going to talk about the three keys to hosting success, as well as my top 10 practical hosting tips. And even if you don't plan on hosting Thanksgiving, these are concepts that go beyond a single holiday or even the holidays at all. If you interact with other humans, this episode will still be relevant to you. I believe that. So first, let's talk about the three keys to hosting success.

I feel like my body shoots up every time I say that. The three keys to hosting success. I feel so empowered knowing they're coming. Okay. Key number one. Remember why you're hosting. Yeah, we're not talking about turkey yet if you haven't figured that out because here's the thing.

If hosting Thanksgiving was only about the best recipes and cooking techniques, the internet solved our problems a long time ago. Yes, food is part of it for sure. But we need to get our mindsets right first. First, even if the best turkey recipe, which is on the blog right now, by the way, even if the best turkey recipe can't save our Thanksgiving, it can't save our Thanksgiving if we're like mentally off. If we are off kilter, if we feel wonky, that perfect turkey is not going to save us. The perfect turkey never saves us, okay? So first we need to remember why we're hosting.

Here are some possibilities. You want to spend time with family around the table. You want to experience a day that feels a little more special, a little more sacred than an ordinary day. You want to eat a massive amount of food and all grown together on the couch afterward. You want to cook together. You want to fill your home with warmth and community. Your most authentic reason probably isn't to impress your mother-in-law or to have a table setting that will knock Instagram off its feet. But sometimes that's what we lead with, right?

we get caught up in things that aren't our biggest motivators for hosting in the first place. So why are you hosting? You could be hosting because you have to. Or you always have done it, right? Or like no one else in your family has stepped up. So your reason might not actually be super positive. Like some of you can be like, oh, this is why I host. I remember now.

And then you kind of can move away from those distractions. But some of you do it even though you don't really want to. You feel a little bit resentful about it, which is real. That is so real. Okay, so if that's the case, it is time to reframe your reason. If your answer to key number one is, I'm doing it because no one else will. Let's find a more positive, compelling reason that can make help hosting more life-giving for you than it's been in the past.

So you might reframe your reason into something like, I'm hosting because I've been given the opportunity, even if it is by default and wasn't asked for, I did not ask for this, I've been given the opportunity to welcome my family around the table and create an environment where we feel more connected when we leave than when we arrived. Change that narrative if you have to. If you're feeling resentful, change the narrative. But either way, know why you're doing it. Know why you're actually hosting, the deep, deep reason why. And let that lead you. Not all the other, stuff that often gets in the way without us realizing it. So number one, remember why you're hosting. Number two, figure out your filters. Let's say your mother-in-law is a source of anxiety for you.

Maybe everything she says feels like a judgment. If that's your filter, if that's the lens through which you interpret all of her words, you're going to feel judged all day, all day. And that's the worst. And here's what's crazy. She might not always be. judging you. Maybe sometimes, but not always. But if you filter her words through that filter all the time, you're always going to feel judged. We all do it. We all have filters. We all have ways of seeing ourselves in the world that are so natural and so much a part of how we think that we don't even notice them anymore. Okay. So what do you say? We just dive into the deep, messy parts of my soul just to make everyone feel a little bit uncomfortable. But I'll offer up my own mess to help you see

your mess. Okay. Great. This is a safe place. Okay, for the longest time slash maybe a little bit right now, it's fine. I have a hard time receiving any type of compliment. If a person says something to me that is nice, it's about me, like about me as a person, I immediately don't believe them. Like, that's my gut reaction. I say thank you and I smile, but inside I don't believe them. For a long time, I thought they were actually just straight up lying that they felt the opposite of what they said and were trying to like throw me off the scent of their actual hatred of me. That's super normal, right? That is very much a consequence of some childhood stuff, but it stuck around even after the

like tangible source of that left my life. I still question people's motives. I still wonder if they're being truthful. I have to tell myself, no way. Nope. Don't assume the worst about what just happened. you, Kendra, have a tendency to not believe people. So remember that. They're likely telling you the truth and they just think your hair looks nice today. It's totally fine. So I have to do that sometimes.

I have to do that. I have to remind myself of my filters and take them off when I feel myself getting wonky. I found a lot of my filters in therapy. So there's that. But we all have them and we can all identify them. What do you believe deep down about yourself? About how you can. cook, how you welcome, how you connect with people, how you see your role in your family. Maybe you're the oldest and think everyone depends on you, or maybe you're the youngest and feel like everybody still sees you as a kid and can't possibly believe you can pull off hosting a big meal, even though you are literally 40 years old, just because you're the youngest in the family. filters are real, y'all, they are. And they change the game for us in our heads.

I'm not saying that you need to, like, jump on the other side and never hear those voices again or feel those feelings again. But finding your filters is so key. Knowing what they are allows you to call them out of that shadowy place in your mind and be like, oh yeah, this thing. I don't have to let this thing run the show. So when your mother-in-law asks, is that a new dress? You don't have to assume she thinks you needed a new dress or that you looked bad in your old dresses or that she's judging you that you spent money on something that you shouldn't have or any of that weirdness that sneaks up on us sometimes. You can just hear, is that a new dress?

And answer, yes, it is. And stop reading between the lines. Filters create so many lines between the lines. It's so frustrating. There is such a freedom in knowing your feelings about things, especially when it comes to something as grand as hosting Thanksgiving. Our filters grow stronger when we're under pressure. And that's a place where we definitely can put pressure on ourselves as hosting.

Thanksgiving. So key number one, that helps us take off the pressure because we remember why we're actually hosting. And then key number two helps clear our minds of the gunk that keeps us from being fully ourselves. And finally, number three, know your weaknesses and ask for help. If you're an introvert and not great at small talk, ask your outgoing cousin. Why is that so hard to say? outgoing cousin it's like a tongue twister everybody try it say you five times fast um ask her to be like the um like the social glue you know like the de facto host even though it might not be her house if you're not a cook maybe that's your weakness you're not a cook buy some pre-made stuff or ask family members to bring aside if you love a beautifully decorated table but have zero idea how to do it ask your mom who's

creative and always makes tables beautiful ask her she'll do it If you know you get super distracted, don't have too many things going at once. Choose foods that you can make ahead of time or foods that are forgiving if they're left in the oven a few minutes too long because you got caught up talking to your Aunt Jenny. Know your weakness. Don't shame yourself for that weakness or those weaknesses. We all have more than one because y'all, we cannot be good at everything. We cannot.

So ask for help where you need it. Just ask for help. The lovely thing about that is you're giving people. in your family, in your circle, a chance to kind of come alive doing what they're good at, you know, like giving somebody a chance to show their strength is a really beautiful gift. So if you're good at cooking, but not at hosting and decorating. Don't host and decorate. Ask others to do that part.

Just ask them to do it. If you can create a warm, welcoming, beautiful environment where people want to linger, but you don't have as much practice on a cooking front, don't cook, man. shine where you naturally shine and let others do the same. It is so much better that way for everyone involved. You don't have to do everything and you definitely don't have to do everything well. Okay. So those are the three keys to hosting success.

See, can't do it without saying it that way. Remember why you're hosting, figure out your filters and get help where you're weak. Okay. So let's rapid fire through my top 10 practical hosting tips. Need a vehicle that isn't afraid to make a splash? That's the Volkswagen Taos. Capable and confident, the Volkswagen Taos is fit for everyday life. Nimble in traffic, agile and tight spots, and still spacious enough for weekend getaways.

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Yes, that is so obvious, but it's so obvious that it has to be number one. We just forget this. So please don't make everything that day unless that's just part of the deal, unless that's just part of your deal where your whole family's in the kitchen in the morning and then you don't eat until six or eight at night. Like if that is part of what makes it great, then that's wonderful. But in theory, make some stuff a day or two before that can be at room temperature or just go in the oven, you don't have to make everything that day.

Please make some things ahead to make it easier on yourself. Number two, do oven math. You need to do oven math. One of the most stressful things about hosting is getting everything ready at once. That's the most stressful thing about making dinner, is getting everything ready at once. You have to be a tiny bit organized and do some oven math. If you only have one oven and you know it's going to contain a turkey for most of the day, do you need to choose sides that don't require the oven?

or maybe you know like you're going to pull the turkey out an hour before you eat because it's fine resting under foil for a while. So you can choose one item, two items if it will fit in your oven at the same time that can go in for that last hour. You know, you presumably have a couple of burners. You probably have a stove maybe. So know what's going to be on those burners. You could even, you guys, you could even draw it. You could even draw your oven and your stove. you could draw the oven and the four burners you could draw your grill whatever it is you have to cook

and write in those dishes and the picture like what's going to go there right the dishes that are going to go there if you are all filled up right if all of your cooking areas are filled up and you're drawing or in your list when you're doing your oven math but you still need a couple more dishes to serve ask someone to bring them or choose things that don't require cooking right it kind of helps you limit what you need to look for and what you need to make. So you have to do some oven and stove math. Or you will be drowning and hating life in no time. List it, draw it, lean into it however your brain works, but figure that stuff out

before you start cooking. Number three, don't make everything. Please don't make everything. Buy some stuff that's already made or ask folks to bring things. That's all there is to say. But unless you just love creating the entire meal and know that the enjoyment is worth the time and sanity please don't make everything just don't go ahead to make that rule number four start the meal with an empty dishwasher if possible clearing the table after thanksgiving feels like such a

pain because you just want to lie around to watch football or nap or whatever it is you want to do but you always know like oh the longer that you wait to clean up the more annoying it is and the worse it's like more dishes don't happen but somehow they do like if you don't do it right away it's the worst so starting the meal with an empty or at least clean dishwasher like You run it and it's clean so you can just unload it and load it back. That is such a gift. The worst is just to have a dishwasher that has just a little bit of space. And then you have all these plates and it just sits on the counter for a few hours or you have to wash them by.

Start the meal with an empty or clean dishwasher place. And if you get help with dishes at the end of the meal, let people do it how they want. I'm just saying this to myself. Actually, I am basically a professional dishwasher loader, for real. like a badge and everything. I don't, but I wish I did. I could. I could earn a dishwasher loading badge. I learned pretty quickly that having somebody load my dishwasher differently than I would is better than having to do it all by myself, especially after a big meal when everyone is just being together. Like, it's just kind of sad to be in the kitchen by yourself because you want

the dishwasher to go a certain way. Again, super talking to me. Some of you are like, that is ridiculous. I will take anybody's help on anything. I wish I was like you. Number five, plan out your serving dishes, like your platters and your bowls. The second worst thing to not doing your oven math and realizing you have no place to cook your famous scalloped potatoes is not having a dish for those scalloped potatoes. Once you decide what you're cooking, literally go and get the pots, the pans, the casserole dishes that they'll cook in and the platters and bowls they'll be served in. Grab a roll of masking tape and label them.

You think I am crazy, but I swear those four minutes of OCD tendencies will save your hosting Heinz. So you need to know what dish everything is being cooked in and served in. Number six, use the thrift store. You guys, not enough platters. Go get one for like two bucks. Not enough plates? Mismatch plates are beautiful.

Look for like one unifying element, like the color, maybe like flat. flowers like if their pattern like China get ones with flowers that are all kind of different things like something that's uniting them it doesn't matter what it is um but then you can just see your beautiful mismatched dishes shine and look like they always meant to be together and you didn't have to go spend like a hundred bucks at west elm for dishes that aren't that much better okay number seven make some magic y'all with a roll of brown craft paper you know what i'm talking about right um you can get at any craft store that stuff is so versatile You can use it as a neutral table runner. You can make place cards. You can stamp it. You can have your sister who's ball art calligraphy, write pretty quotes on it or something, or write everybody's names on it,

like place cards on the paper. You can cover it with tiny pumpkins and candles. You can entertain the kids by cutting out little placemats and letting them color them, or like just letting them color the table runner itself. Like it doesn't matter. It is so great because brown craft paper can be

whatever you want it to be. I'm actually, I'm going to put a link in the show notes with a link to a Pinterest board that I made that is literally all ideas for brown craft paper. They're not all holiday ideas, but it's like all the things that you could do with brown craft paper. I love this stuff so much. So the show notes this week are the lazy genius collective.com slash lazy slash thanksgiving. Okay. Number eight. Remember the light and the living.

all you need to make your home feel warm and welcoming is light open windows candles all the lamps on I hate overhead light y'all and my husband thinks it's like the sun and the only light necessary just so anyway I have an issue about that um and then light so you need to I mean not then light you need to remember light and then the living things right um like plants oh my gosh plants move plants to your table to your kitchen make a like a table decoration with that brown craft paper like across the table like a runner and candles and some eucalyptus stems from traitor joes and you're just that man anything green and or alive is magical and it makes such a difference also part of that life is music playing music create a playlist um like before the day starts that you can set on repeat

and have a play all day and you can choose that you can choose the mood of like the welcome and warmth that you want and then play music to match that because we all kind of have different moods that we want so choose music that matches that mood so remember light and the living in the form of plants and music that's all you need okay number nine we're almost done number nine give yourself more time than you think you need um you might put together a cooking schedule for the day just to make sure everything is mostly done at the same time which is a great idea but give yourself cushion throughout the whole thing because if a casserole takes 20 minutes longer than you think but you don't leave any

margin for it you're likely going to feel really stress as things kind of start dominoing on each other and it'll it always just takes longer than you think so plan plan it that way everything will take longer than you think and finally number 10 buy leftover containers y'all this is my favorite most grocery stores dollar stores have cheap-to-go containers or you can get a set of those round aluminum cake pans with the tops on them, you know? They look like, yeah, they look like aluminum cake pans. And then you kind of press the little foil round on top of them. Or you can get those Costco has those clamshell, like styrofoam containers that you get a

takeout restaurant. You can do those. You can do stuff like that. You can do whatever you want. And like, yes, paper plates covered in foil are totally fine for sure. But they're just like a little tenuous. You've driven home with a paper plate. plate with foil on it. It's just like a little bit on people's laps on the drive home. So if you spend

just a few dollars on containers that are made for food transport, the leftover situation becomes fun instead of an afterthought. And you can actually pack up things for people that kind of make sense as they're leaving. Okay. Oh my goodness. I hope you're feeling encouraged and like most prepared to host Thanksgiving. Just remember that all of the tips and the tricks in the world cannot make the day good if you lose sight of why you're hosting okay if you're bogged down by your filters and if you don't get help where you're weak and thrive where you're strong do those things and hosting Thanksgiving will become something that gives you life without getting overwhelmed or caught up in the wrong thing we are going to skip the lazy jiv's tip of the

week this week since this episode has 10 of them I think we have enough to process already And don't forget about the show notes. The Laceygeeniescollective.com slash lazy slash Thanksgiving. You can find that pinboard of craft paper ideas, a link to my favorite Thanksgiving turkey recipe that is like so good and so easy you guys. I mean, it's not like easy like, oh, you just stick in the oven.

Like you do have to do things, but it's Thanksgiving. Like you can do things, but I will show you how. And then a few other tidbits that will make your experience so much better. Okay. Happy Thanksgiving friends. Remember, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. See you next time. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life?

It's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way.

We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.