The Lazy Genius Podcast - #396 - What’s on My Someday List

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

I talk about the concept of The Someday List in my most recent book, The PLAN, and it’s something I came up with as a reframe of goals and dreams. Instead of changing my thinking in order to make goals and dreams work or ignoring them altogether, I changed the phrasing and posture to more fully align with how I personally view my life and time. And that reframe is The Someday List.  Helpful Companion Links Order my new book The PLAN or ask your library to consider carrying a copy. Sign up for the Latest Lazy Listens email. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links) Download a transcript of this episode. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey there, you are listening to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 396. What's on my someday list? I talk about the concept of the someday list in my most recent book, The Plan, and it's something I came up with as a reframe of goals and dreams. To me, goals and dreams are too emotionally fraught. I feel all kinds of ways about setting. goals or working toward dreams because of the inevitable disappointment baked in. I have fully embraced the pivot over plan mentality in my time management world, but the goals and dreams part, it still feels laden with pressures and expectations. It takes time to unlearn this message of greatness that we have heard over years and years of our formative adulthood. Because according to experts, you're supposed to set goals and work toward them. You're supposed to have big dreams and hustle. to make them come true, both of those energies feel off for me. So instead of changing my thinking in order to make goals and dreams work or ignoring them all together, I changed the phrasing

and posture to more fully align with how I personally view my life and time. And that reframe is the Someday List. The Someday List is what it sounds like, things I'd like to do someday. even though it's just a name change, there's something open-handed about a Sunday list. It can hold whatever I want it to hold, but I'm not beholden to anything on it. It feels light and hopeful and human, which goals and dreams never really have for me. I also see it differently than the traditional bucket list. Things to do before I kick the bucket is the definition of pressure for me. Plus, who knows, when I'll die.

You know, it's just what it is. it is a phrasing that doesn't sit with me in a way that matters. So while the Sunday list is quite possibly made up of things that might be someone else's goals or dreams or things to do before they die, mind feels different to me. Maybe it's semantics, but sometimes semantics really matter in helping us consider something in a new way. Anything can go on your Sunday list. Grand is not the measurement here. If you'd like it to happen someday, no matter what it is, they can go on the list. Now, you might be asking, why am I sharing my list with you today? I don't do episodes all that often that don't offer something practical for your own life, like some kind of permission or step by step. But the reason

I'm doing this now is twofold. One, we are just a couple of weeks from the end of the year and from my birthday. So this kind of reflection is a nice reframe with the new year, new you energy on the horizon. And two, I also think it's nice to hear how other people are thinking about things that I care about. Whenever I hear other podcasters or just people in general list their favorite things from their year or their own version of a Sunday list, I'm all in. It gives me a window into their lives, which is fun. But it weirdly also gives me context for my own. Hearing what others are doing, as long as it aligns with similar priorities to me, is inspiring. So I hope that happens for you today as you listen to what I'm hoping to do someday. I shared what was

on my Someday list in the plan, but I wrote that in early 2023. Even if you're listening to this on the day it releases, that's still a decent bit of time ago. And wildly enough, a couple of the things I listed in the book I have now done. Here's the original list. Take a family trip to New York City. Take a do-over trip to New York City with my friend Jamie Golden. Go to New Zealand. Lots of news. Go to New Zealand. Learn to play the drums. Own a vacation home by the water. see Sarah Borellis in a Broadway show, take a long trip with the family to some national parks, have a huge birthday party,

go back to London, see Jacob Collier in concert, and paint something I like enough to hang in my house. Three of those have been done. I went back to New York with Jamie. I saw Jacob Collier in concert with my oldest kid Sam. It was so fun. And I have one of my paintings on display in my actual house.

So much fun. Okay. Now here is something important about the Sunday list. for me, keeping a loose label and vibe around these things allows me to feel less tender when something falls off the list. For example, I would still absolutely love to see Sarah Borrellas on Broadway. I would never turn that down. But when I put this on the list, she had just finished her run as the baker's wife and into the woods. And I was so smitten with her.

I played that role in high school. So hearing and seeing her sing the songs that I know so well, maybe just like a teeny bit obsessed. Also, I think she's just great, right? But I'd really like to do that someday is different from, oh yeah, that'd be cool. Seeing Sarah on Broadway has moved from someday to, I mean, yeah, that'd be cool. I'm likely not going to make logistical arrangements to make that specific thing happen. right? It would be cool if it did, but I'm not going to reorganize my life for it. So seeing Sarah on Broadway is no longer on my list. And it's okay to let things fall off. I'll tell you another one.

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Or that and enjoy. Via Rail, love the way. Aw, isn't something we need to travel for. it's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. Another thing on my 2023 list that I'm on the fence about now is taking a long road

trip with my family to some national parks. I think this is an idealized idea. We are not campers. The Adachi's are not campers. We are not hikers. We are not huge nature people. I love to be emotionally moved by nature without having to work super hard for it. And while we do enjoy car rides, the thought of taking a long one for days and days and days feels less and less likely. Plus, my oldest is a freshman in high school. It's unlikely that we would do anything like that as our family unit of five anytime after the next three or four years once he's gone. So is that something, is this road trip to see many national parks?

Is that something that I want to move from the Sunday list to a, all right, let's make it happen project. I don't think I do. I mean, it would be cool. But I also get swept up in the idealized versions of things I think I'm supposed to do. Isn't that a romantic thing to daydream about taking a long road trip through forests and valleys and seeing amazing trees and mountains and whatever? Well, I get desperately nauseous and am terrified of driving mountain roads. I'm mildly afraid of large bodies of water. I'm exceedingly afraid of heights. I hate bugs. last knees that don't withstand too much stillness in a car or too much movement with the walking and the climbing and I burn in the sun like a piece of rice paper over a fire. I just don't think I'm made

for a road trip specifically for the purpose of visiting national parks, nor are half of the remaining members of my family. However, we are about to enter the season of life of college visits in the next few years. And I do love the idea of seeing like memorable places while we're already on the road. So I'm not scrapping this totally yet because there are no rules here. But my guess is that the road tripping to national parks thing is so far into someday that it's no day. We'll see. Now the family trip to New York, that is high on my list as well as causes. And the kids are definitely not opposed. Now that I've gone a couple of times in the last few years, I feel more confident. in New York anyway. Right now, we want to take this trip before Sam graduates high school,

which is in three and a half years. I was not ready to say that. What a wild, what a wild sentence. London, because that was another thing, going back to London, I have I just been once, I've just been the once. It feels like I've been so many times because I daydream about it all the time. London will likely happen before New Zealand, but I feel confident both will. Like I really, really want both of those to happen. I'm also still into the idea of having a home by the water and learning to play the drums. But neither of those feels urgent in any way, nor are they essential for my life in any way. Like literally just, you know, someday and and maybes.

They might even be maybes at that. And the only other thing on the list is to have a huge birthday party. I'm not quite sure what I meant by Huge when I wrote that. like huge is so relative. I can imagine a party in like a cool space with a theme where everyone I know is there. That has like big turning 50 energy and that's still a little while away. Again, that one's not pressing, right? That's just someday. Now, before I share what else has been added to my someday list since I wrote this in 2023, I want to remind you that this process I'm processing that I'm doing with you right now is hopefully permission for you.

to not feel too precious about what is on your list. You can change your mind. You can adjust your priorities. You can move the boundaries or timelines of what you hoped to do someday. You can literally just drop things off the list that don't matter anymore without feeling weird about it in the slightest. There is, in my opinion, there is too much tenderness around dreams that we seek and goals that we set with little room to just change our minds. If you change your mind, you're not undisciplined or flighty or dishonest with yourself. You're just a person. It was a different thought now.

It's totally fine. Okay. So I have some new additions to my Sunday list. First, I want to take a reading retreat with reader elite friends. I want to go away for at least two nights with friends who read and just read. Like occasionally interrupted by meals and some book talk, maybe a game. but does that not sound like a perfect weekend? I definitely,

definitely want to do that someday. Second, I want to ride on a train with big windows through somewhere pretty. This actually might be more my family speed on that road trip thing. Y'all, we love a train. Like, holy moly. And again,

when we can see beautiful things without much physical effort, and I can get up and walk around to relieve my glass knees because it's a train, I might have just solved this road trip problem. Like maybe right now, maybe we take a family train trip. I'm actually really excited about that idea. Okay, but the second thing is I really want to ride on a train with big windows through somewhere pretty.

Third, I want to go on an overnight trip with all three of my kids individually, or at least have me or cause, one of the parents go on a trip with each kid before they graduate high school or we could both take them. Something that only they want to do that feels super, super, special to them. Sam, my oldest, he wants to go to the National Marching Band Championship. Ben wants to go to Arrowhead Stadium. Annie doesn't have a thing yet, but she's only eight, so there's plenty of time. I know of families that take a kid on a special trip just for them in high school. And I just really love the idea of doing that. Now that Sam is in high school,

I'm just seeing parenting through such a different lens. Like he's in high school. What on earth? I am not interested in maximizing every moment or every month or every summer. It's too exhausting. But I do want to be wise and intentional about doing the things that really matter while he's still at home. So I want to take him on a trip. Fourth, I want to make homemade croissants just someday, right? I mean, that day could be this week if I plan enough because it's just baking. But it's new, complicated baking. It would be a commitment. But my family loves croissants and I love baking. Almost certainly, this is on my list because I've been watching the Great British Baking Show.

And I've got the baking itch again. But that's normal. Like our some days are inspired by today, which is why sometimes we put things on the list in the past that don't resonate the same way now. It's totally normal. Hold it kindly and loosely. And also I want to make croissant someday. I'll let you know if and when it happens. I wonder what you'll discover when you examine your own Sunday list.

Mind tracks in all the ways. It's travel, doing things with people. I care about reading, baking, and music. That's what I love already. Like, those are my things. So why would it not be on my someday list in like more specific ways? In fact, if you are struggling to name what might be on your Sunday list, maybe start with what you already enjoy.

You know, maybe you take photos for friends and family, but would really like to go on some kind of like educational retreat for amateur photographers in like a really pretty place to connect with something you already enjoy. Maybe you're a huge sports fan, but you've never gone to a game in a major stadium or ballpark. Maybe you enjoy running on a regular basis, but you've never registered for a rice. I'm not saying that you have to put all of those things on your list, but think about what you already love doing and branch out from it. your existing life for ideas. And honestly, you don't have to have anything on your Someday list. You can just enjoy your life right here, right now. Arbitrarily putting something on a list for the future is not a requirement for being human. Only do it if it's exciting to think about. If it gives you a little bit of permission to expand your thinking beyond your regular

life into something that you would really like to do someday. This is simply a way for us to engage in who we are, where we are, and what we might enjoy someday. Keep it loose and fun. Don't feel bad if things don't stay on the list and honor who you are in the process. And that's what's on my Sunday list. I'll keep you posted on the train ride and the croissants. All right, real quick, before we get to our lazy genius of the week, if you have read the plan and loved it enough to give it five stars, would you consider taking a moment and writing that quick review on whatever platform you bought it from? This is a time of year when people are buying books as gifts and also the plan is a book that you read as you move into January for a lot of people. And we all know how important those ratings and reviews are when we're shopping.

I look at ratings and reviews all the time. So if you wouldn't mind taking a quick minute to either leave five stars somewhere or even write some words about how the book has helped you, I would be deeply grateful. All right, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week is Amy Wenschel. Amy writes, I love reading. but I have a hard time remembering what I want to read. Now I use an Amazon wish list called books only and it is a running list of all the books I want to read. There is a comment area in the wish list where I add a short note to myself about where I got the idea from too.

I refer to this list whenever I'm shopping in a bookstore since I have books marked for everyone in my life, not just myself. What a great way to use an Amazon wish list. I do this too, but without the comment part. And I add the Kindle version of the book. book to my wish list so that I can see if it's ever on sale for like $1.99, that I love the idea of using the existing comment feature to include where you heard about the book or why you want to read it at all or who it's for. It's a great idea, Amy. So thanks for sharing and congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher, and Angela Kinsey. The Lazy Genius podcast is enthusiastically

part of the Office Ladies Network. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production. Thanks y'all for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra, and I'll see you next week. You ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life,

you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but they're a good. is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to becoming you wherever you get your podcasts.