The Lazy Genius Podcast - #400 - How to Feel Satisfied with Your Celebrations

Episode Date: January 13, 2025

Celebrations are strangely complicated. Sometimes we shy away from them, especially if we’re celebrating something about ourselves. Other times we have them but feel pressure to celebrate a certain way, to make everything as sparkly and memorable as possible. I’m not promising that you’ll never feel disappointed with your celebrations again, but I do think there’s a lot of room to feel greater satisfaction when we mark our moments. Side note: This our 400th episode!! Kind of fun to talk about celebrating on the 400th episode. 🎉 Helpful Companion Links Order my new book The PLAN or ask your library to consider carrying a copy. Past episodes that are celebration-adjacent: #195 - Creating Your Own Holiday When There’s Nothing to Look Forward To, #119 - Plan Your Opening Ceremony, #159 - The Magic of Closing Ceremonies, #294 - How to Celebrate Your Own Birthday Sign up for the Latest Lazy Listens email. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links) Download a transcript of this episode. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi there. You're listening to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 400. How to feel satisfied with your celebrations. I'm unusually excited about this topic today because I think we all need a good perspective shift in this area. Celebrations are strangely complicated. Sometimes we shy away from them, especially if we're celebrating something about ourselves. Other times we have them. We have them. but we feel pressure to celebrate a certain way, to make everything as sparkly and memorable as possible. And no matter what you've celebrated or not celebrated, at some point in your life, I guarantee you've been disappointed. I'm not promising that you'll never feel disappointed with your celebrations again, but I do think there's a lot of room to feel greater satisfaction when we mark our moments. Also, side note, this is our 400th episode, but not technically because of like, all the bonus episodes over the last seven or eight years, but still it's kind of fun to talk about celebrating on the 400th episode. Okay. I also turned 43 at the end of December. So that plus the

Christmas holidays, it has celebrating like heavily on my mind. The title of this episode, How to Feel Satisfied with Your Celebrations. It was really well thought out. When Leah, our team's director of content, when she and I were talking about this episode, the word satisfied, it kept coming up. Satisfied means contented or pleased. And that seems like a lovely way to feel about something. Satisfaction somehow feels more accessible than a lot of the other words that we might associate with celebrations. You know, like, best ever or the pressure of like, let's make a memory. It all tends to feel heavy with pressure and apparently exclamation points and therefore with expectations. Satisfaction, it feels more soulful, right? We're happy with a night. We're happy with

enough. We're happy here. Now, I don't mean you need to be like an Eeyore or some kind of martyr about your celebrations, like poo-pooing big parties and best times ever. Satisfaction is personal. Whatever makes you feel contented and pleased is personal. And you get to decide what that is. This episode is going to be heavy on stories. And I'm going to tell you a little bit about the last few years of my birthday. Okay. I know what happened the last few years and how I felt about it because I have my trusty one line a day journal that I've been writing in since December 2021. That means I have four years of birthday entries available to us today. So in 2021 on December 27th, my birthday, I turned 40.

And in my journal I wrote, slept in until 8, had a weird solo day where I cried in Sarah's kebab shop and came home early from shopping downtown because I had a headache from crying. Sam was banging on his new digital drum set. Happy 40th to me. Man, that's like such a doubter. And then looking ahead in the journal at like future days, I didn't have plans to celebrate with friends until the 29th and the 30th. So I was like downtrodden until then, I suppose.

And then the 30th dinner, which was like a big birthday dinner with multiple people, it was canceled because somebody got exposed to COVID. So I didn't even get my birthday party. And I never rescheduled it. So my 40th, at least based on what's in my journal, it was not very satisfying. Now, in 2022, on December 27th, my 41st birthday, I wrote this. House cleaner came. So we left the house for an early breakfast where everyone tried to guess my favorite things.

Went to bookmarks. That's a bookstore in Winston-Salem that I love. Went to bookmarks and then had a regular afternoon. Had pizza with a big family. Ended the night with Annie on my lap, driving through the Christmas balls. That seems sweet and normal to me, you know, like family time, a bookstore, extended family time, and then a delayed drive through a neighborhood in our town that fills every tree with Christmas balls. It's delightful.

Now, clearly, this year, we had not gone before Christmas like we usually do. So that's kind of fun that it, you know, it happened on my birthday. Okay, 2023, a winner of an entry, hung out at home in the morning, talked to painters about the bathroom, a quick run to Goodwill, lunch with Emily, got my tattoo that almost killed me, recovered from the tattoo that almost killed me, and got Cugino with friends for dinner where they discussed how bad of a partner I'd be on the amazing race. That day was a wild one, but a favorite. I remember it like it just happened, and it was over a year ago. And I have a terrible memory, so that's saying something. Also, if you ever come to Greensboro, Cugino Forno is the best

pizza in the city and my favorite restaurant. It's the best. Also, also, if this episode isn't too long, I'm going to tell the tattoo story at the end. We'll see if that happens. Okay. Then this past birthday, I wrote this, the chillest best birthday, slept until 930. What? Slept until 930. Red in bed most of the day. Got visits from mom and Hannah. That's my sister. Plans with friends over the next few days, went thrifting, gave Annie my birthday Starbucks drink, reluctant but good family dinner at Cugino. It's because two of my three children don't like pizza like weirdos. Cookout milkshakes on the way home. Okay. So those are my last four birthdays. Now, in many ways, the circumstances are pretty similar, right? There's a long time. There's reading or bookstores. It's getting food with

my family, sometimes friends if the day worked out. Without any emotional context or clear bias from how I wrote the entries, the days all seem pretty similar, right? I didn't do a big trip. I didn't throw a big party or have one thrown for me. Not that I'd want that, but you know what I mean? Like, the point is the days are all kind of the same. They're kind of kind of basic. And yet my satisfaction with them is very different. I remember how I felt on my 40th. And it was awful. I remember how I felt on my 42nd last year sitting at the big table at Cougina with a dozen of my buddies, while all our kids sat at the table next to us. My arm like burned from the dramatic tattoo experience.

I felt amazing. Mine is the arm pain. A couple of weeks ago, I basically read in bed all day without any fanfare because my kids actively decided to not bother me so I could read. Like I asked them if that was the case. I was like, are you guys like not interrupting me on purpose so I can read? They're like, yes. And it was a delight.

It was amazing. Our circumstances. rarely impact our satisfaction like we think they do. I think it's our expectations, right? We're not content where we are. We're not paying attention to our posture towards what actually matters and what is enough to us. This is why you can see one person throw a huge wedding, let's say, and feel like it was such a letdown while another person gets married at City Hall and they're over the moon. Or why one, person throws a huge wedding and loves every second of it while another person gets married at City Hall and it feels like a letdown. The circumstances are rarely the difference or the point.

That's why this episode isn't giving you ideas about how to throw a celebration. It's simply a reminder that we can feel satisfied with our celebrations no matter the circumstances of them. The ride that steals the spotlight every time it hits the road, That's the Volkswagen Tiguan. Its sleek exterior makes a first impression you can't ignore. Step inside to find available full leather seats and wood accents. Under the hood, the available 201 turbocharged horsepower engine gives it a fun to drive edge. The refined Tigwan, you deserve more style.

Visit vw.ca to learn more. SUV, German engineered for all. Amazon Presents, Jeff versus Taco Truck Sult. Whether it's Verde, Roja, or the orange one. For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habaniero? More like habanier, yes.

Save the everyday with Amazon. Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and stretch, steep, flip, or that, and enjoy. Via Rail, love the way. Aw isn't something we need to travel for, it's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast.

Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. The best person I know, well, in general, but also as a great example of this is my husband. So, Koss turns 50 this year. And this man does not in any way want a party. He doesn't want a lot of people involved. He doesn't want any fanfare. He's fine, not doing anything. but I also know that he loves when our family goes on a little trip. The man has no greater pleasure than that. It makes him so happy.

He is the best energy when we're traveling because he just likes for us to all be together and explore somewhere fun. Like even if everybody has a crappy attitude, like he doesn't care. Let's just go be together. So the other day when I asked him what he wanted to do for his 50th, he said, and I expected him to say, you know, nothing. And I said, well, you're turning 50. So we're doing something.

I said, well, what if we took a little trip during spring break to celebrate your birthday? Because spring break is a few weeks after his birthday. And his face lit up. And y'all, I kid you not. The man said with like the widest sparkly eyes. He goes, can we go to Atlanta? Of all places. Can we go to Atlanta?

He has wanted to take the kids to the Coke Museum for years. So that's what we're doing for his 50th birthday. Like he is so happy and he's already satisfied with that. It doesn't matter to him what actually happens or how much fun the kids have or if we hit traffic or if the restaurant we chose isn't as good as we thought it would be. His whole thing is us just being together somewhere new and we'll do that no matter what. And honestly, if someone gets sick and we can't even go, he'll still be satisfied because the man is deeply contented at all times.

It's genuinely precious. I want to be like that. I want to be a person who finds satisfaction, contentment, and pleasure wherever I am. Now, sometimes it's harder to find those things when we're in like a genuinely tough circumstance. But today we're talking about celebrations, right? We're not talking about anything hard. It's a much easier road to find satisfaction in the context of celebrating life or a marriage or a kid or a season or an accomplishment or anything at all, right? It's not a much not a thing we have to force. So what if our focus? What if it wasn't on so much what happens, at least at first? What if instead we just ask? Like, what would make this satisfying? And when you

think like a lazy genius, when you know that not everything can matter, when you release the lens of greatness, you can honestly find satisfaction in any celebration, whether it goes according to plan or not. It just lightens the load. We see so many celebrations. We see so many celebrations. that are grand for the sake of grandness, right? For the sake of greatness. I see photos of certain parties or like gender reveals or that old show My Sweet 16 or whatever it was called with like the epic birthday parties that often had demanding teenagers at their center because that's what makes good TV, I guess.

The lens of greatness. It hits celebrations just like it does productivity. Every party has to outdo the last one. Every party has to outdo the one thrown by that other person in your sphere. The gender reveal has to be creative enough to go viral on Instagram. There's like this low key and sometimes very high key, leveling up even in our non-celebrity, not reality TV lives. And it sneaks into our celebrations without our realizing it, leaving us unsatisfied.

Because our gauge is greatness and we don't even see it. So what if feeling satisfied with our celebrations wasn't it at all about the circumstances of the celebration itself, but about our perspective toward it. If you want to go big in your own way, like please do it, celebrations can be grand and should be at times. They can be epic trips and huge parties, just like they can be staying at home to read and everything in between. Also, this year's celebration might look very different from the next one anyway, right? What you choose now isn't what you have to choose forever. But regardless of the circumstances, you can celebrate and mark a moment, whether it's an obvious one like a birthday or a more nuanced one like starting school and getting cocktails with your

mom friends to celebrate. My girlfriends and I have done that the last couple of years and it has been so nice. Celebrate, mark, but notice your lens. Is it greatness or is it contentment? Are your unmet expectations getting in the way of your satisfaction? If they are, consider adjusting your expectations or move toward having them met. Maybe you're turning 40 or 50 or any age at all. It doesn't have to have a zero at the end. And you want someone else to take the reins of celebrating your life. But no one has offered.

No one has said anything. Guess what? Tell someone. Tell your partner. Tell your friend. Tell your sister. Tell someone that you want to do something fun. maybe even epic and celebratory for this birthday, but you don't want to plan it yourself.

I know that makes some of you cringe, but guess what? If you don't move towards having your expectations fulfilled, you're going to be crying in a kebab shop like I did. Now, that's not the end of the world. And sometimes even when we think we're satisfied, we're not and we're still crying in a kebop shop, you can't control the emotions that come up unannounced. But if you know that you expect this thing or long for the same, this thing to happen, to be celebrated, bring it into the light. Don't just hope it happens or tell yourself it doesn't matter because it does. Your satisfaction is important. What matters to you is

important. It's not necessarily about the circumstances unless it is a little and you haven't told anybody yet. But it's always about how we respond. It's about having kind expectations where we value being uncontented and pleased based on what matters to us. We can feel celebrated even if things are simple or undone or didn't go according to plan. I find all this to be a deep breath. And I hope you do too. So even though this doesn't have any lists or formulas or anything other than me reading to you from my one line a day journal, that's how to feel satisfied with your celebrations. Okay, now I'm going to read you the tattoo story. Ready? Because we do have time. So I shared this last year in the end of 2020 what year are we in now at the end of 2023 when I had my birthday

because I got a tattoo so this was in my newsletter in the latest lazy letter if you do not already get it maybe this will motivate you to sign up because it is a good time and I share stories like this okay my tattoo story I've always wanted a tattoo they're ridiculously cool my main style word and they're usually black my main style color and of course the poetry of meaningful permanence on the body is rad. I really love tattoos. But I hate pain and needles and pain from needles. I always knew that if I ever got a tattoo, it would only be because I couldn't say no to the actual idea. Back in October, the idea took shape. Sad story alert. When I was a kid, my father was abusive and my sweet mom was crippled with mental illness.

I felt alone most of the time. Then I watched the sound of music, and the Von Traps became my family. We recorded the movie when it was on TV, and I spent the late 80s wearing that VHS tape ragged. I've seen the sound of music dozens and dozens, if not hundreds of times, all three hours, watching it once a day, sometimes twice, for weeks straight. I still know every word to that film. I might even know every word to the TV commercials. It was my lifeline. The last line of the title song is, and I'll sing once more.

And when that phrase came to mind, I knew I had my tattoo. I wanted this tattoo. It's about music. It is music. It's obviously connected to this deeply meaningful movie. It's redemptive. And it even has vibes of starting small. Once more.

Not, and I'll sing forever or I'll sing until I can't sing anymore. Just once more. I could cry just thinking about it. But as we transitioned into part two of our story, I could cry for other reasons as well. Just a couple of weeks ago on my 42nd birthday, I walked into Tate Street tattoo company, a bundle of excited nerves. I was greeted by Vassar, who already knew from a series of DMs that this was my first tattoo. And she was so excited for me.

Vassar had already done the text work for my phrase and placed the template on my arm to find the right spot. Once we both felt good about it, the time came. I sat in the chair, put my left arm into her capable hands and took a deep breath. Let's take a short break and talk about pain for a second. Many of my favorite people have tattoos and I've heard them describe the process. It doesn't hurt too bad or it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would or it's really mindful actually. Forgive me. But BS. I can't say that here because we are a non-E podcast, but I did not say BS in my email. Y'all, I have pushed three human babies out of my body with just the aid of nature's hormones. I can handle pain.

I don't like it, but I can handle it. This pain was awful, absolutely positively awful. It wasn't that I was just getting tattooed. I was the needle. Even still, I knew I could manage it. Mind over matter, right? So I kept breathing slow and deep, telling my body that everything was okay. Y'all, she did not listen. In fact, she turned into an over-stimulated toddler and freaked all the way out. Within seconds, my back was soaked with sweat. I started seeing stars in my suddenly blurry vision. I was actively trying to not throw up. When Vassar asked me if I was okay, I could barely hear her. It sounded like she was on the far end of a tunnel made of cotton balls and I was on the other end in a chair of pain. She stopped tattooing. got me some water and talked to me without an ounce of judgment. What do you need? How can I help? I said,

I think I need to go to the bathroom. I hobbled down the short hallway and my apologies to whoever went in there after me. I straight up destroyed that bathroom. It was the scene from bridesmaids. I had no control. Everything came out and I was just there for the ride. Thankfully, the evacuation also took some of the panic out of my body and I could see and hear again. What a gift. I walked back to Vassar's booth on baby deer legs. you okay to keep going? Because we only have the letter A. I'm sorry, what? Unsurprisingly, only having one of 17 letters was deeply disappointing news.

For a second, I thought about stopping. I mean, my name is Adachi. I could make a random A in the middle of my armwork. I'm nothing, if not resourceful. But I knew I would make it. I knew it would only be the worst 15 minutes of my life, and then it would be over. Side note, how you boneheads sit in a chair for multiple hours getting these things is absolutely chaotic to me.

Live your truth, but holy moly. So I sat back down and Vassar kept going. Remember the thing about pushing out three babies? So I sounded like I was birthing a fourth. I straight up went into LaMas breathing and moaning and groaning and doing all the things you're supposed to do to let the pain out. I even sang an unhinged, torturous. The hit on our music. that the choice, like, wasn't as spiritually helpful as I had hoped it would be.

Vassar laughed at that one because I'm pretty sure no one had rage sung Rogers and Hammerstein in her chair before. Two metaphorical bluey episodes later, it was over. I had a full phrase, not just a nay. I had done it. As I walked into the previously empty waiting area, I was met with six sets of eyes that obviously couldn't decide if actual eye contact was a good idea at this point. I mean, they did just hear me loudly chant, holy S word, I can do this. Holy S word, I can do this over and over again. Frankly, I wouldn't have known whether to look at me either. So to ease the tension in the room, I triumphantly lifted my emotionally broken arm into the air. And I said, I did it, everybody. I'm okay. You all will survive this. I was met with like a smattering of hesitant applause and suddenly realized that I had just become their new tattoo story. I generously. tipped Vassar for her time, expertise, and delightful compassion. And she replied, you were a lot of fun. I hope to see you in my chair again. But something tells me I never will. I practically yelled back

of her. Nope, you won't. And I walked out of the door. That's such a great story. So that's what happened on my 42nd birthday. And I love my tattoo. I'm so glad I have it. And I'm so glad I never have to do it again. I don't always have stories that are quite that riveting in the newsletter. time over there. So if you have never signed up for it, I encourage you to do that. You can do that at the lazy genius collective.com slash join. Okay. At the beginning of the year, we're going to close up shop here. At the beginning of the year, a lot of people are getting back into their routines, some of which involve listening to podcasts. There are literally millions of podcasts you could choose to listen to. But in your limited time, you choose this one. And I genuinely am so

grateful. One way to help other people know what to choose is to share a review. You of the show on Apple Podcasts. Share why you love this show, maybe a favorite episode, or whatever kind words you would like to say. The kindness isn't for my sake. It's to help other curious listeners know if the show is worth their time. Because again, there are millions of shows to choose from. As of now, the only main platform that allows you to leave reviews is Apple Podcasts. And if you can do that through your app or on their website, that would be amazing. So thank you for taking the time to do that. It helps supports the show and your future fellow lazy geniuses. Okay, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week, it's

Natasha Knapper. Natasha writes, the principle of Decide Once has given way to my most prized decision when I need to take food or contribute to a meal or even pack a picnic. That decision is simply potato. I can roast potatoes if it's a winter dinner with family. I can make a potato salad for picnics and events. I can do a potato bake for a barbecue. It can even be as simple as a bag of chips or hot chips from the takeaway shop. By this one, we clearly know that Natasha is British. This decide once has saved me countless decision reinventions. It's cost effective and easy. Not only that, I kind of love being potato girl. Is this maybe the greatest lazy genius of the week's submission of all time? Like maybe. I think we all want to be potato girl now.

I want to be potato girl. This is yet one more reason and one more example, why the lazy genius principles are so helpful. They give you just enough direction and just enough of a limit to make your life easier without putting you in a box. And the possibilities of how you use and apply them are just endless. Natasha is a potato girl and we're all happy for her. So thank you so much for sharing Natasha and congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher, and Angela Kinsey. The Lazy Genius podcast is enthusiastically part of the Office Ladies Network. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production.

Thanks y'all for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra and I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.