The Lazy Genius Podcast - #401 - How to Live in Your Season (Without Resenting It)

Episode Date: January 20, 2025

Live in your season is one of the thirteen Lazy Genius principles I write about in my first book, The Lazy Genius Way, and fun fact: it was the hardest chapter to write. Even though I talk about contentment in that chapter, a theme we now cover quite often, I was still hanging on to the greatness train by my fingertips. In this episode, I’m going to share a few highlights about what it means to live in your season since we can always use a reminder, and I’m going to share how that personally looks in my own life years after releasing that first book. Helpful Companion Links Order my new book The PLAN or ask your library to consider carrying a copy. Sign up for the Latest Lazy Listens email. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links) Download a transcript of this episode. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Its sleek exterior makes a first impression you can't ignore. Step inside to find available full leather seats and wood accents. Under the hood, the available 201 turbocharged horsepower engine gives it a fun to drive edge. The refined Tiguan, you deserve more style. Visit vw.ca to learn more. SuvW, German engineered for all. Hi there. You're listening to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 401. How to Live in your season without resenting it. Live in your season is one of the 13 lazy genius principles that I write about in my first book, The Lazy Genius Way. And fun fact, it was the hardest chapter to write. though I talk about contentment in that chapter, a theme we now cover quite often, I was still

hanging on to the greatness train by my fingertips. I wanted to be the best at everything, and I wanted every season to be amazing. Now, there were kernels of what we've come to learn in the plan about ideals and integration in the lazy genius way, like on page 70 when I say, the situation isn't ideal, but ideal isn't the goal. That's right, 2019, Kendra. But I was still on baby deer legs with my own journey into compassionate time management. I still struggled fairly often to be content where I was, mostly because I was going too fast to pay attention,

which meant when I wrote the live in your season chapter, I didn't have as much muscle memory to believe the value. the value of contentment. Saying things like, good is here right now and just be where you are. It kind of felt trite. I felt a little bit like a fraud even sharing them because I knew I struggled a lot with that particular principle. I know it was important, but it was so hard. And then COVID hit. The Lazy Genius Way released in August of 2020 on the heels of lockdown and with social distancing and a lot of fear. And the chapter on living in your season, was far and away the most impactful to readers at the time and the one that just locked in for me

personally. That principle was so timely and made so much more sense during that odd, awful, unknown season of the pandemic, especially since we were all thrown into the deep end of what living in your season could mean all at the same time. I know for me it just soaked into my marrow. in a really beautiful way. And now living in my season is a crucial, if not revered principle in my life. Whether you're the same way or you still struggle with it more than you wish you did, resentment can creep into our seasons, all of us, all of us. It might be less frequent for you than it used to be, same as for me, which I'm deeply grateful for, but it's still a challenge. So in this episode, I'm going to share a few highlights about what it means to live in your season, since we can always use a reminder.

And I'm also going to share how that personally looks in my own life. How is living in my season practically hashed out in my own heart and even in the Adachi household? So let's jump in. So one of the first things to note is that in the lazy genius way, the principle is live in the season. The season. And over time, we have all turned it into live in your season, your. It almost feels weird to say live in the season because it's like less connected to the reality of our individual lives. I like your. So that's a fun, natural organic change we all made together. The second thing to note about this principle is that we need to give ourselves and other people permission to care about the things they care about and that we care about. One of the main reasons resentment rears her quiet yet, ugly head is because we don't feel like it's okay to not enjoy where we are, especially if someone

we know and love does. So let's say you're a stay-at-home mom and you kind of hate it. The tiny human stage is not your favorite and you feel like you're losing your mind. But you see all these other moms loving it or at least appearing to and it makes you feel like trash. I remember being friends with a mom who had boys about the same age I did. And she was such an involved mom, at least in the way I thought I was supposed to be. They did scavenger hunts. She had creative games to teach them their letters and numbers and like simple addition before they even started preschool. They were not picky eaters and they stood on special stools to help her make dinner. I would hang out at her house with my boys and like fell badly for not living up to her standards. Not that she set for me that she was just living her life.

She was just doing what she enjoyed. She loved mothering. But then I'd go home and I would resent my own life. I resented myself for not being more creatively involved in the education of my children. I resented my kids for not eating more diverse foods. I resented my husband for secretly expecting me to mother the way my friend did, even though he never said that or even acted like it. He didn't.

He didn't expect that of me. But I made the story in my head seem like he did. did secretly and resented him for it. I made it up in my head because I felt guilty and I resented the season. Here's a quote from the Live in the Season chapter. You can desire things that someone else doesn't. You can struggle with something that gives someone else joy. You can care about what matters to you, even if it doesn't matter to someone else. And we can all love. lovingly and compassionately exist together in that tension. Notice I did use the word tension, because sometimes it is tense, even on the inside. But when you bring love and compassion into that

space of wanting or needing different things when you're in the same season as someone else, the tension is a lot easier. Really, it's just being human. salsa, whether it's Verde, Roja, or the orange one. For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habiniero, more like habanier, yes. Save the everyday with Amazon. Welcome aboard via rail.

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a special series on how our public. spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. The third thing to remember about living in the season is that we need to be honest when we wish things were different. Resentment totally shows up when we're not telling ourselves the truth about where we are. This is a little different from the previous point because that involves comparison to another person. This is comparison to yourself. Maybe you're in a tough season and you miss the one that came before. Maybe you don't see any end in sight and you wish your life look different now instead of way

on the other side of wherever you are. It's so good to be honest about how you might wish things were different. Be specific if you can. Let someone else into those feelings. I would suggest maybe first someone who isn't directly impacted by them. Now, that's not a hard and fast rule, but let's say I'm struggling with something in my marriage. I think that when I'm tender and I'm trying to figure out like what I really think and I'm needing to be completely unfiltered, it's better for me to take that energy to my therapist or to a dear friend, not directly to my husband. It's not that he can't handle it or he doesn't deserve the truth about how I'm feeling.

I'm just raw with resentment. I am wishing that something was different. and in my verbal processing, which can sometimes be weird and even inaccurate and may be hurtful, as I try to figure out what I really think, I could hurt cause in the process. I don't want to do that. So honesty is important. Being unfiltered and how you're feeling is important. That is why therapy is so great. You can just say stuff without any consequences. And you can get out the initial resentment without hurting the person involved. You can still take your feelings to them later, but that initial kind of release of your frustrations, you need to be honest with yourself about what you wish was different. The fourth thing that comes right out of this is it's less about changing your season to make it match what you wish was different.

That's really not what we're doing here. In the naming of what you wish was different, it's not so that you can change it. In fact, I think it's the opposite. Most of the time we can't change the season we're in. You can't change the ages or needs of your kids or parents. You can't change the demands of your job unless you quit it. And then you're left with a ton of other challenges. Most, if not all of the time, our seasons cannot and will not change.

So trying to force them into a box they're not made to fit is a futile endeavor. So what do we do? Just accept that things are gross and plow through. No, not at all. And this is my favorite thing about living in your season. It's my favorite practice and my favorite little mental health discovery that has changed my life. And it is see the good that is here right now. Good is here right now. No matter what hard season you're in, there is good. Always, I am convinced of this. I've gone through some tremendously hard seasons in my life. Sometimes when I think about them, I'm like a little paralyzed. How in the world did I get through that? How in the world am I still

standing after that? And yet I can see the good that was there. The person who cared for me, the text that came at just the right time, the chickadee, my favorite bird that kept coming to my bird feeder way more than usual. The newfound ability to be kind to myself when I can't get out of bed. Sometimes the good is so tiny, so seemingly inconsequential, that you might miss it. And that's why the practice of noticing is so beloved and so prized for me. Seeing the good where you are, whether it's just a regular day or one of the hardest days of your life, is a spiritual practice that changes everything. It does not change the difficulty of your situation. It's also not forcing toxic positivity onto something impossible. It's not even a distraction. It's a reminder that no matter how hard things are,

good exists there too. Both can be together. There is hope. There's always hope. Sometimes it's barely visible, but looking for it, noticing it, and naming it is one of the greatest gifts. I think you can give yourself as you live in your season. And the final thing to remember about living in your season. Plus it's, it's one of those good things to notice, is that every season, whether ordinary, amazing, or incredibly hard, is making you more of who you already are. Every season has something to teach us. Not because of some cosmic lesson we need to learn or else. I prefer to use garden language. You know, sometimes there are weeds and they make the plant stronger. There's winter and death and then spring again. In some ways, growth is beautiful

because it's hard. Think about someone in your life. Maybe your kid who went through something really tough. Maybe it was a year of school with no friends or a scary medical diagnosis or a broken arm that made her miss basketball season. Maybe it was struggling so hard with math and then getting a tutor and working really hard and then passing the class you never thought he would. Even if you don't have a kid who's done that or have kids at all, I think even thinking about that kind of thing, it makes us all kind of swell with pride and hope. What a beautiful thing it is to overcome, to not give up, to see how a hard season makes someone a truer, stronger version of themselves. It's genuinely beautiful. And that's what

our seasons do for us, whether they're ordinary or impossible. Your seasons of life teach you and they make you more of who you already are, especially if you pay attention, if you see the good, if you give yourself permission to name what matters about where you are and you stop comparing your season to someone else's. When we can live in our season with honesty, compassion, and hope, we will absolutely. grow as people without question. What a lovely part of being human. Living in your season, it went from like top three most challenging principles to me to maybe my favorite and the most important of them all. It is crucial and so impactful when remembered and practiced more and more

regularly. Now how did that happen for me? How did this principle become such an integral part of my life? We'll close on that. Like I said, COVID really galvanized this principle for me. In the beginning of the lockdown, my concern for the world and the fear of what was happening, it kind of tempered my like hissy fit frustration of online school and being stuck at home, but only a little bit. Like I still felt the hissie fit. I was pouting and whiny on the inside. And I didn't like feeling that way. I didn't like it. So I started examining why I felt that way at all. And I think it was because I was trying to push through this strange season.

I was trying to make it fit in the box of regular non-pandemic life. My expectations were all out of whack. And therefore, I struggled to stay present and not get super resentful. Again, I didn't want to feel that way. I didn't want to be resentful in my life. So I made a choice. and I started noticing the good. I paid attention on purpose

like it was a box on my to-do list, even though I wasn't really making those at the time because there was nothing to do. I noticed the good like it was water in the desert, reading on the front porch swing, the quiet in the neighborhood because there were no cars, the way my kids suddenly started playing with each other, breaking out board games again,

the weird, precious beauty of driving to a friend's house with the family, and all of us standing across the yard from each other to like chat for a bit. Drive by parade birthday parties. Baking bread. The generosity of strangers. Sitting with my friend who lost her husband during the first month of COVID in rocking chairs on her porch, six feet across from each other and bearing witness to her grief.

Crying because I missed people and not just stuffing it down. good isn't necessarily like positive or even happy it's good and even in such an impossible season like COVID or in an impossible season you might be in right now there is so much good and for me learning to look for it it made me always see it which in turn made me want to keep seeing it and now I'm like a treasure hunter for the good in every situation I'm not saying I'm like a silver lining girl or a toxic positivity girl, I'm not. I don't even often share the good that I'm seeing because it's not meant to make other people feel better. It's my hope. It's my anchor in the season that I'm in, in the place that I'm in. Good is here right now. There are other things that have

helped me live in my season. Therapy, friends who don't try to fix it, a husband who listens to me rant and wine and is wildly unaffected by it. The regular practice, of naming my season when I do my analog planning. But the most impactful thing that I do to help me live in my season is to see the good that is here right now. It makes my toes kind of metaphorically dig deeper into the dirt of exactly where I am or like the sand on the beach. It's grounding and hopeful and necessary. And after several years of making it a regular part of my life, it's prized. It's prized. So whatever season you're in, whatever struggles you're facing within it, whatever level of resentment you're experiencing,

remember that to live in your season, it's transformative. It doesn't really transform your circumstances, but it slowly deepens and transforms your character. You stop comparing your situation to someone else's or to something that used to be your own. you find relief and hope and honesty and sharing how you're really feeling about where you are and you practice seeing the good where you are no matter how small it might be when these things happen even sometimes even occasionally even just once more than when they usually do you start becoming more of who you are at your core your character shines through your resilience strengthens your perspective, it has more empathy. Your posture towards yourself becomes more compassionate.

And I think that's how to live in your season without resenting it. Like I already mentioned, live in your season is one of the 13 lazy genius principles in the lazy genius way. And so if you want to dig deeper into it, maybe it would be a great time to grab that book. Or if you're unfamiliar with all the principles or you just would like a refresher. You want a little brushing up on decide once, start small, ask the magic question, live in the season, build the right routines, set house rules, put everything in its place, let people in, batch it, essentialize, go on the right order, schedule rest, and be kind to yourself. Those are the 13. Then the lazy genius way is your next book to pick up for sure. She is your trusty little lazy genius companion so you can grab her at

your local bookstore, your library, or you can order it online. It's one of those books that people often say, I am so sad. I waited so long to read this. So if you pick it up, I hope you enjoy it. All right, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week it's Ricky Harry. Hi, Ricky. I know your name from Instagram. Ricky writes, we only have two adults, no kids in our household. We really only use milk for the very occasional bowl of cereal and for fancy coffee drinks I make with my espresso machine. I was so sick of either running out of milk when I wanted it, when I only bought a pint at a time, or it going bad too fast and having to dump it when I would buy a quart. Enter organic milk. I have no idea why it lasts so much longer than regular, but the carton I bought yesterday is good

for almost two months compared to only two weeks of the stuff I used to buy. It costs a little more, but I always have it when I want it and I never have to just throw it away anymore. I even buy organic chocolate milk to make mochas as a little treat for us on extra sleeping mornings. This one small change has made all the difference for me in the morning. This is such a great example of naming what matters and then making it happen. I also love when technically spending more, it actually saves you something, whether it's money from throwing stuff away or even just your sanity, like how I have hairbrushes and scissors in every room.

Sometimes the cheapest is the best thing. And sometimes for whatever matters to you, it's not. Maybe this is a good reminder for you to notice that in your own life. So thank you for sharing Ricky and congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, an executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher, and Angela Kinsey. The Lazy Genius podcast is enthusiastically part of the Office Ladies Network. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production.

Thanks y'all for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra, and I'll see you next week. You ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life? Because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough.

Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.