The Lazy Genius Podcast - #423 - How to Get Unstuck When Your Space Is a Mess

Episode Date: June 23, 2025

People create a mess, and chances are you have more people in your home right now than usual. Obviously that’s not true for everyone, but I’m talking to you at the end of June. June is full of hot weather, bored children, abandoned projects, and therefore almost certainly a mess. Today, let’s take a few minutes to pep talk ourselves into getting unstuck when your space is a mess. Helpful Companion Links Order my new book The PLAN or ask your library to consider carrying a copy. Episode #379: How to Help Kids Clean Their Room Sign up for the Latest Lazy Listens email. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links) Download a transcript of this episode. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey there, you're listening to the Lazy Genius Podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 423, How to Get Unstuck When Your Space is a Mess. People create a mess, and chances are you have more people in your home right now than usual. Obviously, that's not true for everyone. But I'm talking to you at the end of June. June is full of hot weather, bored children, abandoned projects, and therefore, almost certainly a mess. Today, let's take a few minutes to pep talk our way into getting unstuck

when your space is a mess. Most of the time, mess is not just stuff that needs to be put away. I mean, practically it is. But there are so many things that have us feeling stuck with that reality. It's not really the mess. It's the stuckness. So how do we get unstuck? I have a series of questions. I want you to ask yourself as you look at your mess. It will. It might not be actually messy, but it's possibly messy. But as you look around at your possibly messy home, as you listen to me on a walk, not wanting to go home to the mess, or as you're listening on your lunch break at work knowing that a mess will await you when you return, maybe this episode will help you when you feel overwhelmed, when you feel stuck in your space being messy.

I want you to try and identify what's really going on. because again, it's likely not really just the mess. Maybe, maybe it is, and we'll get to that, but don't start angrily cleaning or chucking everything in an empty laundry basket quite yet. Start with this series of questions instead. Maybe you'll save yourself a little bit of work. All right, so question number one, do I feel stuck today or all the time? Some days you feel the mess more acutely than others, which is normal.

but what we often do is let that feeling that we have one day create tasks and chores for many days after. If you are feeling stuck in your messy space, but you didn't really feel that way yesterday or last week, you can relax a little. Sure, you can still deal with the practicalities of the mess, but don't let a feeling today make you think it's always been this way. So ask yourself, do I feel stuck today or all the time. If it's today, maybe just take a deep breath, do like a 10-minute tidy with whoever else might live in your house or just do it by yourself, and then be done. Today's feeling could just be today without giving you chores tomorrow. Now, let's say you do feel this way all the time, or at least most of the time. Maybe the stuckness is a pretty constant

companion that takes us to our next question. Question number two, is this. Is this? Is this a problem or is this a season? I mean, it might be both. But look at the messy space and whatever is contributing to it. Is this a specific problem that needs to be solved? Like maybe a broken washing machine that's making laundry super difficult? Or is it a season? It's the summer with kids around and that's just like kind of what happens.

Do you see the difference? We need the reminder to live in the season. That doesn't mean you have to be like, ho-hum and just let a mess. that bothers you run rampant. But remember that you're living in a season and that can sometimes create softness, that reminder. This is the season I am in right now. And while it is not my favorite, it is where I am and I'm going to see the good and I'm going to be here in it and I'm going to start small and I'm going to be kind, right? Seeing the season, it makes us softer. Seeing the season also, So it helps you notice a way to solve the seasonal problem knowing that now is not forever

and that you can change whatever the thing is when the season is over. You know, we go through seasons of needing to eat the same meals over and over again. So maybe a small solution to the monotony is rotating like a selection of beverages or maybe a lunch container that you love looking at even though it's got the same food in it every day. You know, we go through seasons of more people being home and like drinking constant beverages and therefore there are so many cups and bottles and cans everywhere. Maybe in that season, maybe we try storing cups in a drawer so kids can reach them and they don't have to ask you all the time. Maybe it's having one space for daily cups. Maybe it's only having cans and bottles of things and just recycling those at the end of the day and make it more portable, make it easy.

you know, that's a season you might choose that solution. We go through like water seasons, like pool and sprinkler and lake and ocean seasons, which means a barrage of wet towels. So maybe a small solution right now for this season is to pull out like a laundry drying rack that just lives out in the open, you know, for a short season. Seeing this season, it helps you be softer towards where you are and it helps you notice ways to solve those smaller seasonal problems. But what if it's not really a seasonal problem, but it's an actual, actual problem? What if it's something that simply isn't working and it wouldn't work no matter the season that it's in? That leads us to the next question.

Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and sit. Play. Post. Taste. View and enjoy. Via Rail.

Love the way. Aw isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. Question number three. is this big black trash bag energy? Is this an urgent onslaught of perfection and starting over

and getting everybody to shape up and going big? Like problems are a problem. But if you come at them, if you come at your problem with your big black trash bag energy, like literally and metaphorically, it's not going to end well. It never does. It never does. Don't forget that big black trash bag energy is rooted in the cultural social expectation we have in the U.S. of getting it all right, optimizing everything, hustling, and striving, and being great. Our spaces should look great. They should have fully optimized and efficient systems to keep them that way. Our stuff should be minimal and intentional, but also remember that we live in a capitalistic society, so keep on buying stuff to solve your problems. Big Black Trashbag Energy, it doesn't come from what likely

matters most to you. Things like connection, contentment, and kindness. Big Black trash bag energy is divisive. It's entitled. It can be a little bit mean. You suddenly hit a breaking point and you think this is not how it's supposed to be. Why are these people in my house not paying attention? Why do I have to do everything? Why is everything so messy? Why can I not figure this out? The pitch of your voice keeps getting higher and then you like grab a trash bag to start. start things over. Please don't do that. We all know it never works. Somebody always ends up crying for reasons that were totally avoidable. So even if you have been feeling stuck in your space, that is a mess for a long time. And even if it is a problem and it's not a season,

watch out for big black trash bag energy. Are you attacking this consistent problem that you legit have in your life? Are you attacking it with smallness and kindness? Or are you threatening to burn everything to the ground. It's a good thing to notice. So once you've remembered the value of small steps and you've breathed through your big black trash bag energy, it's time for question four. Question four is, is it the space or is it the mess? If you keep tending to your mess, but you still feel stuck in it, I wonder if the problem is actually the space? Are there places? for the items in whatever room you're overwhelmed by, you know, do toys and books and dishes and trash and dirty clothes. Do they all have somewhere to go? For example, you might feel stuck

because your bedroom always has dirty or halfway dirty clothes in it. You feel like your bedroom is never clean and it's not because of a season you're in or a feeling that you have just occasionally. It's kind of all the time. So is the problem the mess or is it the space? Maybe you don't have a closet. Maybe you don't have a big enough closet for the things that you tend to store in there. Maybe you don't have a laundry hamper that's big enough and so things end up on the floor. Or maybe your hamper is too big for the limited space that you have or it's hard to get to or something like that.

Maybe your kids, let's move out of the bedroom. Maybe your kids have a playroom and it's always messy because playroom. rooms often are, but it's not so much the mess. It's more that there's nowhere for the mess to go. You know, perhaps your playroom doesn't have baskets or shelves or anything to contain the mess. So no matter how many times you try and pick up and order the things, it won't feel like it's tidy ever. I also think that sometimes we feel stuck in a space even after the mess is picked up because we don't like the space underneath it. Maybe you're frustrated by your messy kitchen because you really just don't like being in that room.

You know, maybe it's dark or dated or cramped or has organizational challenges that frustrate you every time you're in there. So if you're feeling stuck in a messy space, name whether it's the mess or the space. Once the mess is cleaned up, are you more or less content with the space itself? If you're not as content,

maybe the mess isn't really your problem. I felt this way about my bedroom for a really long time. our bedroom was like the last room to get any attention when we moved into this house 13 years ago, almost 14 years ago. And then it really never did. Like even it was the last one to get attention. It like still didn't even really get attention. It was like, well, I guess we could work on the bedroom now. We had a bed.

We had a dresser and we had two bedside tables. But that was like pretty much it on the furniture side, which is kind of all you need. There wasn't art on the wall, though. There weren't plants. There wasn't anything pretty. There wasn't a chair to sit in or a bench to sit on. It wasn't a space that I enjoyed. It was just pretty utilitarian.

Plus, I didn't really like the wall color. I didn't even really like the furniture. We'd had it for over 20 years. We got when we got married. Like, I had no understanding of my own taste at that time. So we're just kind of stuck with some things, right? So consequently, because I didn't really like the space, but didn't name that, you know what happen? I let that space accumulate mess. It didn't matter so much if we piled up laundry in there,

or if we left things on the floor, or if we stored like random vacuum cleaner parts in our room, which we did since the hall closet was full, because the space itself didn't feel like it mattered. And our bedroom was always a mess. But even after I would clean the mess up, it wouldn't take long before the bedroom devolved into a mess once again because the problem was it really the mess. It was the space. The space itself wasn't purposeful or beautiful or enjoyable to be in. Cleaning up the mess almost didn't even matter too much because I didn't like what was underneath it. Then we got a new bed that I love. We got a cushy chair in the corner. I spent a few months looking for new bedside tables and found this like authentic mid-century modern one at a consignment store for 30.

I love it so much. It's big enough to hold all my books. I kept that one. I moved one. We already had to Cause the side. Like, of course, I'm going to put the big one for the books on my side. And I moved one to Cause the side. We got rid of, you know, the second one that was like so tiny. And then it was like, oh good, all is well with the furniture. Oh my goodness. It's so nice. And then I, even though I still didn't like the paint color, I hung some art on the wall. I added a couple of low light plants because our room is a bit dark. I change the drapes. Like, y'all, I absolutely love my bedroom now. I love that space. And because I love that space, I don't love when that space accumulates mess. In fact, I don't really let that happen anymore because of how much I love the space. So ask yourself,

is it the mess or is it the space? That answer alone can get you unstuck from the thing that is actually keeping you down. Next step is question five. Do my expectations match the energy I'm willing and able to give? All right, here's the kicker. We have identified if the feeling is today or always, if it's the season or if it's an actual problem, if it's big black trash bag energy, and if it's the mess or the space. Now, now that you have a clear understanding of what's really going on, you might have ideas

for how to solve it, but here's where you put in a safety break. Do your expectations match the energy that you are willing and able to give during this season? Do your expectations match the energy you're willing and able to give today? Be honest about the energy you have today and adjust your expectations to match that. Don't hack your energy to meet your grand expectations. That rarely ends well. Match your expectations to the energy you're willing and able to give. And finally, our last question, how can I start small right now? No matter how big your energy is,

how excited you are about your solution, or even how much is needed and how much time you have to give it, even if all of that is like enormous. You still have to start small. Everything starts with a small start, every single thing. It starts with like throwing away the trash. It starts with taking a deep breath. It starts with inviting your kids into the room to just look around and see what it is we're going to do next. It starts with doing a brain dump so you can clear your head a little about what's really going to happen in here. It starts with washing last night's dishes. It starts with kindness. It all starts small.

So ask yourself, how can you start small right now? Getting unstuck when your space is a mess, it doesn't happen all at once. Nor should it have to. You can take your time. You can tend to your energy. You can be honest about what's really going on. Start small and be kind. So to recap, ask yourself if this feeling is today only or all the time, if it's a season or if it's a

problem, if it's got big black trash bag energy, if it's the mess or the space, if your expectations match your energy, and then what you can do right now to start small. And that's how to get unstuck when your space is a mess. If you are encouraged by this episode, but you're still like, oh, man, I need to be reminded of some of these principles that we just did in practical ways. Go grab your copy of The Lazy Genius Way off your bookshelf, because a lot of you have it, or go get it from your library. You can probably get it for around like $10 somewhere online.

The Lazy Genius Way is my first book, and it lays out the 13 lazy genius principles that really genuinely do help you get unstuck from a lot of things. Some principles I already mentioned here, they have more. robust chapters like start small, live in your season, and be kind to yourself. And there's some really practical principles too alongside those that might help you find a consistent way out of your stuckness. Principles like ask the magic question, build the right routines and house rules. So if you haven't read the lazy genius way or you just haven't read it in a while, now might be a good time to visit it. All right, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week, it's

Julie Morris. Julie writes, I tend to be a low-tech person, so I like pen and paper when it comes to list making. I use a large lined sticky notepad for my shopping list and draw a vertical line down the middle to make more writing space. I keep the list going throughout the week with the necessary items for my menu the following week. The family can add items to the list since they know where it is. And the best part is that I take the large sticky notepad to the store. I take the list off and I stick it to the shopping cart's handle. This way I can see the list easily. I don't have to look at my phone for a list or lose a regular paper list in my grocery cart. I'm surprised at how many people over the years have stopped me in the store and said, what a simple and genius idea. Julie, that is such a great

idea. I once left my grocery store list. Like, this was like a few days ago. Like, I left my grocery store list on the shelf, like on a random grocery store self when I was picking up boxes of cereal or something. It took me several minutes to find it. I was like, where's my list? Wait, what happened? What happened? What happened to my list? It was like sitting on a shelf by like some dumbbells or something.

It was so dumb. So the thing about like sticking it to your cart, holy moly, that tip alone is a great idea. I also think it's good to name what works for us. You know, some people swear by digital tools. Others are purely analog. Both are great and everything in between is too. It's just important to choose what works for you.

So thank you for this idea, Julie. And congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. This podcast is part of the Odyssey family and the Office Ladies Network. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher, and Angela Kinsey. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production. Thanks y'all for listening, and until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't.

I'm Kendra, and I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.