The Lazy Genius Podcast - #461 - The Overlooked Secret to Loving Your Home

Episode Date: March 23, 2026

A few weeks ago, I followed my boys as they walked into the house, and one of them said, “Man, I love home.” And the other said, “Me, too. Home is pretty great.” I tried to play it cool and thankfully didn’t cry because that would have embarrassed them so much. But it got me thinking - why do they love home? Why do any of us love being home? I was able to identify a couple of things that surprised me, and I’m excited to share those thoughts with you today. Helpful Companion Links Order my book The PLAN or ask your library to consider carrying a copy. Myquillyn Smith, aka The Nester, is the Lazy Genius of making your home feel like you. Virtually everything I know about decorating a home is from her.  House Rules by Myquillyn Smith  5 Calls app Counterweights by Shannan Martin Sign up for our every-other-week podcast recap email called Latest Lazy Listens. Sign up for my once-a-month newsletter, The Latest Lazy Letter. Grab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius KitchenorThe Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links) Download a transcript of this episode. Want to share your Lazy Genius of the Week idea with us? Use this form to tell us about it or record your idea and share your voice on the show. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey there, you're listening to the Lazy Genius podcast. I am Kendra Adachi. This podcast is not about hacking the system to find more time or hacking your energy to get more done. Hustling to be the best or to make the most out of every opportunity is exhausting and unsustainable. So here we do things differently. On this show, we value contentment, compassion, and living in our season. We favor small steps over big systems. Here we are lazy geniuses, being a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. And I'm so glad you're here. Today is episode 461, the overlooked secret to loving your home. A few weeks ago, I followed my boys into the house, like as they were walking into the house, and one of them said, man, I love home. And the other said,

me too. Home is pretty great. And I tried to play cool and thankfully did not cry because that would have embarrassed them so much. But I was so grateful to hear them say those words. And it got me thinking, why do they love home? Why do any of us love being home? I was able to identify a couple of things that surprised me. And I'm excited to share those thoughts with you today. After we talk about loving our home, we will have a little extra something that helps us love where we live on a larger scale. We're going to talk about how to actually call your representatives and share your thoughts. This was requested as an episode topic, but it felt like just the right size to put here is a little extra something. We hear this often as citizens of the U.S., call your reps, call your reps. And yet,

so many people don't because of all the unknowns. You know, who do you talk to? What do you say? Is the person on the other line going to, like, get angry at you if you disagree with them? How often should you call? Does it actually work? I want to demystify calling your reps. It's a core part of our democracy that we, the people, have a voice. So if you would like to do that, but have been held back for whatever reason, maybe today's rundown of just the basics of that will, help make it easier to do. After that, we'll celebrate the lazy genius of the week, who shares an incredibly easy but super fun tip on making home a place that she loves. And then we'll close with a mini pep talk for when everything feels too heavy. And in today's pep talk, you will hear my voice

as well as someone else's, which is always fun. Before we get into all that, two quick things. Number one, our next latest lazy letter goes out a week from this Wednesday on April 1st. Also, is it just me or does anyone else think that there are just 30 days in March? I mean, I know March has 31 days, but doesn't it feel like it should have 30 days? It's fine. Next week on Wednesday, April 1st, not April 2nd. I will send out the monthly newsletter with all kinds of personal essays from me, my favorite book of the month, as well as a new segment we're calling the reply all, where I answer your questions from the previous month's newsletter. I almost called it a soup letter. That would be actually pretty great. It's kind of like an AMA,

like an Ask Me Anything in the newsletter. And it's, we've only done it one month, but it's been really fun. So if you would like to get that newsletter and have not before, you can give it a try. I don't know what I'm going to write about yet because the words are always driven by what my life looks like on the day I write it, which will be next Tuesday. Based on how 2026 is gone so far, there is no actual telling what we will get, but it is always a good time. The newsletter is pound for pound the most impactful and maybe even successful thing that we do, the people who get it, open it. They read it and they stick around. Like our unsubscribe rate is super low and our open rate is super high, well about the national average. Those are like data driven ways to say

people like this newsletter and they like reading it and they stick around and want to read more. And you might too. You might too. You can sign up for it at the lazy genius collective.com. slash join. And if you do that before next Wednesday, you'll get the latest one that goes out on next Wednesday. One more quick thing. We are about to talk about loving your home. And I would be remiss if I did not talk about my favorite person to speak about the home, especially decorating your home, which is a little less of what we're going to talk about today. I need to tell you about Michael Lynn Smith, aka the Nestor. Virtually everything I know about decorating a home is from her. and she is a resource you will absolutely love if you do not know her already.

I'm going to suggest her book House Rules. It's 100 rules for your home that actually make it feel more like itself. Mike Willen is super empowering, cares about the right stuff, and makes a beautifully imperfect home feel accessible in a way that no other home influencer, author, whatever, ever has for me. So I would encourage you to grab house rules by Michael Lenn Smith if you want some practical help on decorating your home, if that is part of eventually loving your home like we're going to talk about today. All right, before we get into the overlooked secret to loving your home, here is your quick reminder about the podcast recap email that we send out every other Friday. It's called latest lazy listens.

And it summarizes the episode, shares the lazy genius of the week as well as other segments we have on the show. and it has a little extra note for me to help encourage you through the weekend. So if you'd like to get that recap, you can head to the lazy genius collective.com slash listens. Okay. Now let's hear from our episode sponsors who make this show free for you to listen to, which is super rad. And then on the other side, we'll get back to the overlooked secret of loving your home. Welcome aboard via rail.

Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and sip. Play, post, taste, view, and enjoy, via rail, love the way. Aw isn't something we need to travel for, it's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe wonder and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts.

All right. Let's get into the Overlook Secret to Loving Your Home. I want to start with three foundational beliefs that I think every lazy genius wants to believe to be true in your home. These are the three things that keep us focused on what matters. After we talk about those three beliefs. I'll share three phases that you can walk through that practically help you create a home that you really love to be in. You spend some time in phase one, you get comfortable there, then you move on to phase two, get comfortable there, and then to phase three. But first, we need to start with the three foundational beliefs for learning to love your home. These beliefs are compassionate boundaries that keep you from floating away.

into the abyss of discontentment. So belief number one, how my home feels is more important than how it looks. That's what I want you to say to yourself and grow to believe. How my home feels is more important than how it looks. Whenever I hear someone talk about their home and how they wish it were different, they always start with how it looks, which makes sense. But for a little bit, lazy genius, it is the wrong place to start. How something looks is low on the list because looks don't actually do the thing that we want our homes to do. Aesthetics and great furniture and well-placed lamps or whatever else that you wish you had, they do not make your home a warm, welcoming place, not on their own. I want you to imagine homes that you've been in or even lived in that felt

good to be in, right? They felt warm and welcoming, inviting, safe, whatever words you want to choose. What made the home feel that way? I'm guessing it wasn't the size of the couch or the intricacies of the bookshelf vignettes or the uniqueness of the art on the walls. It was probably like the person. It was how they looked at you, how they welcomed you in, how they weren't precious about their things, are focused on their home more than they were focused on you, that they didn't apologize for their home in a way that you made you question your own home. Now I want you to imagine the flip side. Have you ever had or been in a home that was beautifully decorated? It looked like a million bucks and you did not feel at ease. The house looked amazing, but you didn't like necessarily

love being there. I had a friend whose childhood home felt that way to me. The house was a stunner. But I always felt a little nervous being there. Because it was such a stunner, I was worried about messing stuff up or putting the chips back in the wrong place or upsetting her mom who liked things a certain way. The home looked beautiful, but it was not easy to be in. Beautifully decorated homes can be cold. Plain homes can be warm. Therefore, how your home feels. is more important than how it looks.

The more you believe that to be true, the more at ease you'll feel in creating a home you love, and the better your choices about how it looks down the road. The second belief that helps you love your home is that it's good to take your time. It's good to take your time.

I recently saw a photo of our family living room from like just after we moved into this house, house, which was about 15 years ago, none of the furniture or decor from that photo is in our living room now. Now, some of the furniture and decor is like in other parts of the house, but the living room itself is completely different than it was 15 years ago. However, at no point have we done an overhaul of the living room. No overhauls. No immediate makeovers. Over 15 years, we have taken our time. I have found pieces I love. We've learned how the room suits our family well. It's taken me time to understand what my style is. So today, our living room, it is one of my favorite places to be in all the

world. It feels good. It feels like home. And it does look like a room that is us. But I never would have gotten that living room all at once, ever. It feels and looks this way. because I took my time. Now, I did the opposite in our previous home. I was in my early 20s when Kaz and I moved from our small townhouse into a house that was way too big for us, and I did not take my time. Like we had virtually no furniture, definitely no style, no decor, like very little. And I went all out on decorating the entire thing immediately, almost like I was on like a decorating television show. Like there had to be a distinct before and after. Nothing gradual, all immediate. And almost everything we put in our home then is no longer with us. That's not because it got too old.

It's because I went too fast. I did not take my time learning and trying new things and finding out what I liked. I just went for it, tried to set it up and leave it, and it did not go so great. This is common for so many of us. We're discontent with partially done rooms, with half measures, with a couch we like, but a coffee table we don't. We think that our options are a total makeover or unhappiness. I'm guilty of this of thinking that a room is not done until I absolutely love everything about it. Well, we just established that how a home feels. feels is more important than how it looks. So if that's true, it's good to take our time getting to a place where we love how it looks. There's a lot of trying and learning and waiting and hunting,

and yet a room can still feel the way we want it to feel, even if it doesn't look the way we want it to look yet. That belief changes how we feel at home, that gradual is better than immediate, that it's good to take your time. And the third belief is that small things matter. Loving your home isn't about how it looks overall or how it looks, having it all look awesome, like right now in this moment. We have to believe that small things matter

as we gradually create a home that feels good to be in. Not just looks good. Small things, like a shelf that displays photos that make you smile. plants, a candle that you love to light, a lamp where you change out the light bulb to be either cooler or warmer light, depending on what you want in there. Cutting up on the couch with your partner or your kid at the end of the day and being happier about the cuddling than about the couch itself. Small things matter. Small changes matter. Noticing those, tending to and being grateful for the small things in your home. I think it inspires you to keep doing small things.

And small things are so much easier than big ones. It's way easier to slowly create a living room you love over a year or two or 15, like me, then try and redecorate the whole thing this weekend based on whatever is available at Lowe's. Side note, I think that's one of the reasons why remodels are so stressful, especially things with permanent fixtures like bathrooms or kitchens, you're having to make all of those design choices like tile and countertops and faucet finishes and lighting and stuff all at once. It's all immediate and big. There's nothing small or gradual about it. And that's hard. That's really hard. So creating a home that you love is actually a fantastic opportunity to practice smallness,

to value doing one small thing in a room to make it feel a certain way. and then being done until you do the next small thing. The secret to loving your home is not having a home that's beautifully decorated, regularly tended to, super tidy, it's really clean all the time that matches the pictures in your head or on Instagram. I know you would like that home right now. And maybe you're even feeling a little discontent and unhappy that you don't have that yet. And that's okay.

But I truly believe that the secret to loving your home is to focus on how you want your home to feel. to take your time and to believe that small steps matter. You might not be able to completely change your home right now. In fact, almost certainly now. You can't change all the decor or the floor plan or its location if you're unhappy with where you actually live. That you can change how it feels based on what you believe, which I think is pretty great.

So if we are starting with the three beliefs that how your home feels is more important than how it looks, that it's good to take your time and that small things matter. Let's talk through the practical side of this. How can you create a home that you love to be in? Like for real. I think there are three phases that help you get there. Each one is like learning a new skill that builds on the next.

So don't move too quickly through these phases. I get comfortable with one before you move on to the next one. So phase one is how your home feels. we have already established that how your home feels is more important than how it looks. So this makes sense is our starting place. As we talk about this phase, keep in mind that it's good to take your time and it's good to start small. All right. What do you want your home to feel like?

You get to choose. Here are some words that might spark like a little energy for you. Cozy, comfortable, welcoming, peaceful, colorful, colorful, playful, playful, playful. calming, reliable, warm, earthy, interesting, inviting. Choose a word for your home. Or you can start small and choose a word for one room. Now, ask yourself, what makes my home or this room feel that way already? Don't sell yourself short. Like, I want you to spot the good that's here right now. I guarantee that whatever word you've named can be felt at least a little bit in your home because it is something that matters to you.

So what are you already doing? What's already making your home feel that way? For me, I want my home to feel cozy. I think that's one of the reasons my boys like being home so much because it's cozy and inviting. So what makes my home feel that way already? Yes, I think, you know, the cozy couch and the big basket of blankets definitely help. But I also think it's the culture. I try really hard to make it a point to welcome my family when they get home.

Like I really try to look them in the eye and warmly greet them and say that I'm glad they're home. I don't always remember to do this. But most of the time, when the kids walk in the door from school, I don't say, how's your day? Or even be in a different room. Like I try to notice when they're going to get home and go to the door where they're going to be. and say, I'm so happy to see you. Coziness and warmth and that invitation, I think it comes from people,

more than from furniture, you know? In our house, we also have a lot of like texture and sensory stuff that makes it feel cozy. For example, light. We use lamps more than overhead lights. I open windows constantly to let in like the naturally setting sun, which is sort of a nice cozy feeling. feel that we're sort of moving with the day. I like candles sometimes. We play the fireplace

show on TV. That attention to light, that adds coziness, and it has nothing to do with how the house looks. We play chill music a lot. We keep the couch cleared off, except for pillows so that it's easy to get in there and be cozy. We have a lot of food in bowls, like our dinners, are served in bowls because I feel like a bowl of food is like so cozy. We always have baked bread and snacks and stuff on the counter, which I think is also cozy and inviting. Those things all contribute to our home feeling the way that it does. And really, none of them have to do with like furniture quality or how shelves are decorated, you know? So ask yourself, what already makes your home feel the way that you want it to? Think about it.

all your sense is. And then I want you to keep doing those things. Keep doing them with great intention. And then you can say like, oh, well, what else can I do to keep that feeling alive, to cultivate that feeling here? Like if you want a peaceful home, you're probably not going to like have the clash blaring on the speakers when everybody gets home from school. But hey, if you want a fun home, you might just have the clash blaring on the speakers when everyone gets home from school. If you want your home to feel playful, you might high-five your teenager every time you pass him. But if you want your home to feel warm, you might give him a hug every time you pass him or a pat on the shoulder. It's different, right? Those are really simple things that have nothing to do

with decorations or vignettes or styled shelves or new furniture. So I want you to spend some time here. I want you to spend some time in phase one for a little while and focus on how your home feels. Start small and take your time. So that's phase one. Next is phase two. Focus on how your home functions. Okay? It's usually easier to love your home

when it works pretty well, when it has space for the things that matter, when the right things work and when people have what they need. This is my favorite phase to be a lazy genius. In fact, a lot of our office hours questions are in this phase.

a lot of our lazy genius of the week answers are those ideas or responses probably to this phase to making something function just a little bit better, right? We're trying to identify small problems that keep our home functioning well, solving those small problems, and enjoying the small but mighty results of them. I've shared the story many times before, but I always come back to it because it's something that is stuck for so long that fits in this phase two place. So for the longest time, I was not loving my home because of how many cups were everywhere. Oh my gosh, cups and water bottles, new cups because a kid couldn't find their old one that they were already using. Like I was a little dramatic about it,

but I felt like I was living in a house of cups. So rather than get different kinds of cups or being mean to my children or coming up with some complicated cup system or going beyond the cups and being like, our house is too small or whatever it may be. I lazy genus did. I used the principal, put everything in its place, and I created a place for cups and water bottles that were in use. I just got this like wooden lazy Susan. It's very simple. It doesn't matter what it is. I put it on the kitchen counter out in the open. That is where the cups go. We have, we then implemented a house rule, which is another lazy genius principle that said, hey, cups and water bottles for the day they go on the drink spinner when you're not using them. Now it took a few weeks of

encouragement for that to work, you know, for people to remember to use the drink spinner. But here we are. Years later, like many, many, many years. And that drink spinner is still on the counter and doing its job. It makes our home function better and therefore easier to live in and love. It's nice to live in. phase one before you enter phase two because you might hit phase two and start solving problems with like a harder spirit than you intend. If you don't have a sense of how you want your home to feel, you might start solving problems like an angry robot. And that sort of defeats the purpose of creating a home that you love that has this specific feeling that you're after. So know how you

want your home to feel, cultivate that feeling for as long as it takes. And when it's time to solve small problems that help your home function better, you will do it with more intention and kindness because you're letting that feeling lead rather than the mechanics of the problem. I feel like 80% of what I make exists in phase two. So we won't go into it anymore, but I tell you what, phase two, figuring out how your home functions works a lot better when you've spent some time in phase one first and figured out how you want your home to feel. then after that after you know how you want your home to feel and you've cultivated that feeling and you're experiencing it outside of what your home looks like after you have started to make things

function a little bit better now it's time to move into phase three which you can probably guess what that is phase three is how things look so once you have established how your home feels and you have solved enough small problems to help it function better how it looks actually falls into place more easily. Now, hear me, I'm not saying that you can't like buy anything new for your house. You can't choose like a pretty rug for your living room until you've named how you want your home to feel and how you, that you've made everything in your living room functional. I'm not saying that. However, however, the kind of rug you choose for your living room, it will change depending on how you want the room to feel and how you want the room to function. The aesthetics of your home

support feeling and function. They're not necessarily the source for it. Now, because I don't know your style and also because I am not a home decor expert at all, we're not going to spend a whole lot of time in this phase. I just want you to go on the right order, which is another lazy genius principle, go on the right order,

and stop putting how your home looks above how it feels and functions. If you are unhappy with your home, focusing on how it looks first, it probably is not going to get you where you want to go, especially if you ignore the first two things. So because I don't know your style and because all the particulars of decorating is not really the point here, I just want to tell you a story. Okay, I want to tell you a story of how I went through the three phases in my living room

over the 15 years that we have lived here, right? I already told you. The furniture and decor has changed, like almost completely. but it happened over a long period of time. Okay, so I want a cozy home. I want my home to feel cozy, like I said. And I also, I like for everything in the living room, especially, to be contained. That's part of its functionality for me.

I want enough storage so that our stuff has somewhere to go where we don't have to look at it, while still leaving plenty of floor and couch space to be cozy. games and hang out, right? Like, I want the stuff to not clog up where we're going to be cozy. I want it to have a place to go. So storage has always mattered in the living room and in my whole house, frankly. Now, at first, warmth was generated from within. It was more of a culture than an aesthetic. We have always had a big cozy couch because that matters. But the decor from 15 years ago, it did not add a lot of warmth, really. Like, I can see. see that in the picture, but we still had light and music and family connection, and that

was plenty. It was great. The functionality was pretty steady, too. We had a couple of pieces from IKEA for a long time that held our stuff. Most of our furniture actually was from IKEA for years and years, because that's what you do when you first get married and you don't have a lot of money as you go buy stuff at IKEA. So the stuff, it functioned. And we were fine, right?

We were generating warmth as a culture in our family, and we had pieces that did what they were supposed to do. Like, it was great. That's fine. But the aesthetics were not warm, nor were they really our style. Everything was like that IKEA white. And I wanted to start substituting in, like swapping out IKEA white hard lines for texture and wood and warmth to continue making my home feel cozy, right?

I had lived in phases one and two for a really long time. And a few years ago, it was like time to start small and take my time and find similarly functional pieces to what I already had that looked warmer than what we had, right? That looked cozier than what we had because that is what I wanted the room to feel like. So over years, the IKEA furniture, it was like moved into other parts of the house or sold at yard sales. And in the places of those furniture, I have slowly added, again, over years, mostly thrifted pieces that have warmth and personality like in their literal bones because they're like made of real wood and they're old and they have like marks on them and they have like cool legs and interesting. They're just interesting, right? but I don't buy furniture that's just pretty.

It has to be warm and cozy feeling, like in its vibe. And it still has to function in a way that the old piece does. Or else, what am I even doing, right? I need it to be cozy. It needs to contribute to being cozy, and it still needs to function. I'll share this photo. It's actually two photos in the next latest Lazy Listen's podcast recap. email. But just this month, just this month, I made a fantastic small change in my living room with a

piece of furniture. I was at my favorite consignment store, and I spotted a tall, like dark blue, green wooden dresser with like the coolest hardware. It had really cool inlay detail. It was just so rad. Now, my immediate thought was, everything in my house is functioning fine. I don't really have anywhere to put this? And I left the store. But I kept thinking about the dresser. And I texted a friend and I was like, I found a pretty dresser, but I don't know where I'll put it and if it's worth it to buy it. And she was like, girl, a dresser that's cheaper than something you'd find at IKEA and unique that you keep thinking about, you should just go get it and figure it out later. So I split the difference between how I was feeling of what her advice was. And I went back for a second time that day. And because I was on my way to

school pickup and the store is like right by the school. And so I just swung in there really quickly to take a photo and some measurements because I didn't do that the first time. And I wondered, I was like, I wonder if this would go well by my reading chair in the living room. That is also a recent addition to the warmth and functionality of my living room space, right, right after Christmas. I've talked about that before. And that photo was also in the latest Lazy Listen's email. And I wonder, and I was like, huh, like, this could be really great next to my reading chair. I already had an old target desk that functioned well enough next to my reading chair, but this would function the same, if not better, because it had more storage.

And it would add visual warmth and coziness in a way that this cheap desk did not. So I took a photo of the dresser, and then I left again, two times to that store in the same day. After I got home from school drop off, I kept thinking about the dresser. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I kept visualizing it in its place. I measured like the space. You know, it would totally go there. I realized it would be so much more beautiful to look at than the desk that was there.

And then I realized I was like, man, if I go back to the store tomorrow and that dresser is gone, I'm going to be kind of heartbroken. So I hopped in the car and went to the store for the third time that day. I got there with five minutes to spare before closing, and I bought the dresser. Oh, my gosh. It now lives next to my reading chair. It functions even better than the desk before it. And it looks like a million of bucks. In fact, it makes the whole room feel like itself now.

It's like the dresser was made for my living room. And like the living room's been waiting for this dresser for a really long time. But listen, my living room would never have felt that way. all at once. The living room needed to feel the way I wanted it to, despite the decor for a little while. It needed to function properly, even with pieces that weren't the prettiest. And then, then I was able to slowly and thoughtfully swap functional pieces for cozy functional pieces. Again, I'll share photos of like before and after in the latest Lacey Listens email. I think creating a home is like it's kind of like becoming a person.

You just don't turn 21 and suddenly have everything figured out even though you think you might. There is constant becoming. There are changes and adjustments and realizations and things that you have to unlearn and new skills that you require and taste preferences, all kinds of things that develop over time with experience and like living your life. Who you are at 21 is not who are at 31 or 41 or 51 or 51 and so on. We don't just come out like a completely formed person. And I think the same is true of your home. Your home is not going to become, it's like static self right away. It will grow and

adjust based on your season of life, on your preferences, even just like trying certain furniture configurations slowly over time. Your home is going through its own journey of becoming itself. So don't rush it. Go through the process. Honor the order. So in conclusion, I want you to start with beliefs that help guide you. How your home feels is more important than how it looks. It's good to take your time. And small steps matter. Then I want you to live in each of these three phases before actively moving on to the next one so that you can like immediately love your home, immediately love it and continue to love it even more as you move from how it feels to how it functions, then to how it looks.

Starting with how it looks might be fun on renovation television shows. But it's not real life for most people. So go in the right order. Don't overlook the secret sauce of how your home feels. And I genuinely believe that you will continue to love your home. And you can actually love it right now. And that is the overlooked secret to loving your home. The Volkswagen Atlas is a 7C powerhouse that actually makes sense for real life.

It's got cargo space for all your gear, the dogs, and even half of your rec league soccer team. And under the hood, a two-liter turbocharged T.S. engine that hauls up to 5,000 pounds. The seven-seat Atlas. You deserve more space. Visit v.w.ca to learn more. S-U-B-W, German-engineered for all. Amazon presents Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa,

whether it's Verde, Roja, or the orange one. For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habaniero? More like habanier, yes. Save the everyday with Amazon. All right.

Now it's time for a little extra something. Today we're going to talk about how to call your elected representatives. So we want thoughtful people in office who are responding to the opinions of their constituents, right? And they won't know what we're thinking unless we tell them. I'm telling you right, this is far less scary than it seems. So if you've never done it because you feel nervous or awkward or even a little afraid, hopefully the next couple of minutes will put those feelings to rest. All right, let's start with the basics.

Let's just start with what happens, like how the call works. All right, so you're going to call one of your representatives, right? You can call a U.S. senator or the person who's in the House of Representatives. You can call a state senator. You can even call like a city council person. Whoever it is, you're going to call the person. you are going to either speak to someone in the office of that person or you're going to get voicemail. And either way, you're going to say the same thing. Okay, either way, whether you talk to a

machine or a person, you're going to say the same thing. You're going to say your name and your address that verifies that you are a constituent of the representative that you are calling, right? So it's tallied properly. And then you're just going to say whatever it is that you want them to know. So you can say, I would like to express my support for the bill about XYZ. Now, if you don't know anything about bills that are up for a vote, that's okay. You can just say, hi, I am for this thing, or I am against this thing, or I am concerned about this thing. And I would like for Senator so-and-so to work with the other side to come to an agreement

on this thing or whatever. Like, you don't have to be eloquent. You don't have to use fancy words. You don't have to know about every bill in order to call about just. just one. You don't even have to know about the bills at all. Like, this isn't a quiz. You're simply going to call, say who you are and where you live, and then share what matters to you. Just share one issue in the call to keep it easier on yourself and easier for the person on the other end to log what it is that you say. Okay. Now, let's talk for a quick minute about the person on the other end.

Unless you get voicemail, which has happened to me about 90% of the time in the last few months. Like, I have not talked to a person in forever. I don't know if they're just getting a lot. a lot of calls or staffing is low, I don't know. But if you get a person, you're going to speak to a staffer or an intern whose job it is is to just take and tally calls. They are not there to argue or agree with you. They are there to simply log the issue that you're calling about and your opinion about it. That's it. Maybe you haven't called before because you're like, maybe you're in favor of common sense gun laws, but your senator doesn't seem to be. And you're afraid that by calling, it's like the same as going to like a Thanksgiving dinner with an uncle who argues with you about guns.

Like, that's not what happens here. The person listens to what you say. They log it. They will often ask if you would like a follow up from the representative. And you can say yes or no. And then they thank you for calling and they hang up. Like, it is not a confrontational process at all. In fact, the one time, the one time that I got really angry calling one of my representatives was because the staffer did not engage with me. I was hot about a particular issue. I wanted to know what my rep was going to do about it. I also asked when that rep was going to have a town hall because she hadn't in like a super duper long time. And I wanted to go. and get some answers. I wanted to hear her say some things. It felt like she was hiding. That's how it felt.

And I was really hot about it. And the staffers, and I called kind of hot. And the staffer said, I can't give you information about that, but your call has been logged. It was like almost like talking to a robot. And that actually made me mad. Like, because I kind of wanted to argue, you're not going to get into a heated argument with the person that answers the phone. Any heat will only come from you. In fact, I've seen very, videos on Instagram of people calling their reps and putting the person on the other end of the line like on the spot with the issue. And that person just does not flinch. They don't engage. The heat comes from the caller, not the person at the office. They are trained to take comments, no matter how

emotional they are, and log them in the daily calls day after day. I have only ever talked to humans that mostly sound like robots. So don't worry about having to defend an opinion or prove your point. You just say what you want to say, and then you're done. It's like weirdly civil. Now, one of the biggest hindrances to this other than, like, am I going to get in a fight with someone, is knowing what to call about or like what to say at all once you call, right? I find that the app five calls is the most helpful because it lays out the most pressing bills that are up for a vote. Like it has the process even of like, this is past the house and it has now gone to the Senate. it for a vote. Like, it's very specific about what is on the docket and more like largely pressing issues.

And it has all of your representatives. Like, once you put in where you are, it tells you who to call. It gives you the numbers of who to call. It even has, like, a way for you to log what happened. Like, I got a voice. I left a voicemail. No one answered. I haven't called yet or whatever. And it, like, logs what you did that day, which is pretty rad. And it has a script if you want a script. Now, I don't always have the same reasoning as to why I want to bill to pass or not as, say, the five calls script does. Some of them are really general. Some are pretty specific.

So you don't have to follow the script. But it sure is nice to have like a framework that you can follow. So regardless of like how you feel about the different issues in the app, five calls is a really, really helpful place to start, especially on the federal level. It just makes it really easy. Now, you might not think that calling matters because your representatives are in favor of the opposite things that you are. But it does matter.

Like pressure matters. People in government often want to stay there and they're not going to stay there if the majority of their constituents are unhappy with them. So you call and share what matters. But here's the other thing. And this kind of ties into one final question, which is like how often you should call. that's completely up to you. But honestly, I wouldn't even worry about that right now.

If you're starting from zero calls, I want you to move from just zero to one. Like don't come up with some big routine. This is an opportunity, much like learning to love your home. This is an opportunity to value small steps. Start small, call one person, one time, and then be done. you don't have to make a whole system about it right right or type out what you want to say you can use the help of five calls if you want or just your own thoughts call one time read the thing and then be done it it sometimes feels like it doesn't do anything like i said and depending on where you live

in what you care about it might not move the needle on the actual issue as much but what i love personally about calling my representatives is it is a way for me to stay engaged in building the kind of country that I want to live in. And it also teaches me the value of small steps. One phone call might not seem like a lot, but a lot of phone calls is a lot. Plus, I am learning to, as Mother Teresa says, do small things with great love. It's practice and being the kind of person that you want. to be in the world. There are other things that you can do to be the kind of person that you want to be in the world. You don't have to call your representatives for that to count. This is not a check box here. But if you have struggled doing this before, because you just didn't know what to expect

or what to say or any of that, I do hope that this helps clear the air a little bit for you and gives you the courage to just make one phone call. And that is today's a little extra something. All right. Now for the lazy genius of the week, this week we have Kara from Charlotte, North Carolina, my kind of neighbor, Hi Kara and Charlotte. Kara writes, I'm intentionally investing in my analog hobbies these days. I love an analog hobby. I love to geek out all around my house depending on my mood. I have my favorite chair in my reading nook, the comfy chair in the living room, and sometimes I curl up in bed to read, color, or do a word search. tired of hauling all the individual items from room to room, I bought a diaper caddy to hold everything. It holds my pens, stickers, snacks, water bottle, and my current read.

All of my stuff is organized and easy to move around the house. It's also easy to hide out of sight when necessary. I love my analog diaper caddy. And now, now we're all going to go out and find some kind of caddy for our stuff. this is just so fun. I think we've had, I think we've actually had a lazy genius of the week in the past. I feel like it was a pretty long time ago.

But it was someone who did this, but for her stuff to get ready for bed. I'm going off memory here. So I'm sorry if I get this wrong. But like I feel like it was something about trying to get a new baby to go to sleep. And sometimes the baby went to sleep like in her bedroom, making it harder for her to get ready in there because of the noise and stuff. So the caddy helped her either go to another bathroom or another area to like do her stuff.

or she could sort of reach like nighttime meds without waking up the baby, something like that. It's a similar idea and also a really great one. I actually recently did this with my travel bag of toiletries. One of my, this is different than analog hobbies, but one of my kids was like in my bathroom and I was ready to go to bed. It's so hard. I was so tired. And I needed to still like brush my teeth and wash my face and stuff.

but I wanted to give my kid his privacy, but all my stuff was in the bathroom. And so I was like, oh my gosh, I have a bag of travel toiletries in my room. I'll just grab those. And so I grabbed that and I got ready in the other bathroom. And it was amazing. So doing that kind of thing where like everything you need is in one place, doing that with fun things like books and crafts, such a great idea. It's such a great idea.

Put everything in its place and make the place portable. It's so good. Thank you so much for sharing this idea, Kara, and congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. And now for a mini pep talk for when everything feels too heavy. It feels that way kind of all the time right now. Some days I'm like, I can't take it anymore. And it's not just the news or huge issues like war, which is already too heavy. It's like regular life things too that are heavy, like a season of super hard parenting.

or when you find out you have to move because of a job, or honestly the fact that the store never seems to have your oat milk in stock, and that on top of everything else just feels like a bridge too far, you know? So during heavy seasons, I've tried all kinds of things. I have tried ignoring the heaviness completely, like acting like it's not even there. That did not work. I have tried to stay completely connected to the heaviness at the expense of everything else. that also did not work.

What we need are counterweights. Shannon Martin, who is a friend and author and just a lovely human, coined this word in the context of heaviness, and it has been such a gift to me. It's why I call my representatives and read the news and also why I feed my birds, and I bake bread and I do puzzles, and I watch bake off with Annie,

and I take family walks with the family around the block after dinner, now that the sun is out longer. Those are the things that balance out the heaviness, that have their own weight. Shannon wrote a book that comes out tomorrow, March 24th, called Counterweights. And when I say that it is exceptional, I mean it. It's a little memoir-y.

It's part memoir, part guide, of how to navigate the heaviness of the world. It is both gritty and lush, just extraordinary writing and like a pep talk and book form for living in a heavy world. I was going to read an excerpt from the book here on the show. And then I realized like, oh, I have Shannon's number. Shannon can do it? And so I texted Shannon. And I was like, hey, can you send me a voice recording of you reading this part of your book that I love so much?

And she kindly said yes. So here is Shannon. Heaviness is part of the human equation. Our terrors will look different depending on the day, the hour, our zip codes, and our skin tones, to name a few. The lists we write tomorrow will diverge from today's, new wonders thrown like confetti against fresh sorrows. We might as well make a habit of taking stock because the fire that will consume us is the one we refuse to face. run headlong into its heat and we are guaranteed to bottom out. Turn our backs and it will eat us alive.

As usual, there's a third way. We can stand at its edge, cheeks rosy hot, eyes bright from the flames, and choose the path of growth and valor. We can bear witness and live. The goal is not perfect equilibrium, but balanced flavor. There's no precise method for weighing our buckets of beauty and terror. We are not scientists calculating ratios. We are the chief explorers of our one bright blaze across history's atmosphere.

Time moves both perilously slow and at warp speed. Somehow there's far too much and far too little to waste in the tidy pursuit of basic survival. reach down, reach up. We will teeter and wobble. But most days we will stay on our feet. Beneath the lights strobing against the darkness, it will almost feel like dancing. I think without Shannon's like wisdom and grit, frankly, I don't know that I would feel like much of life is dancing. but she has given me such incredible language and helpful tools to live in this world with an open heart, a strong back, and eyes that see other people, all while praising the gift that is like a warm from the sun tomato, you know?

Sometimes a book just hits you at the right time, and I think counterweights is a book that is being released into the world at a time we need it most. So thank you, Shannon, for being my pep talker and for sharing some words from your book today. And for those of you listening, go check out counterweights. It is a gift of a book that I'm so grateful that I got to read. And that is a mini pep talk for when everything feels too heavy. If this episode was helpful to you or if you have been looking for a way to support the show, please share this episode with someone you know or you can leave a kind of view on Apple Podcasts.

every mention and share, it makes a difference in turning people into lazy geniuses. It is a beautiful way to start small. So thank you for being so supportive in that way. This podcast is part of the Odyssey family and the Office Ladies Network. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher, and Angela Kinsey. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production. If you'd like a podcast recap every other week, be sure to sign up for latest lazy listens. It goes out every other Friday. head to the lazy genius collective.com

slash listens to get it, and you can see a picture of my dark green dresser. Thanks y'all for listening, and until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra.

I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life, because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it.

You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast. podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.