The Lazy Genius Podcast - #59: The Lazy Genius Evening Routine

Episode Date: April 9, 2018

A good evening routine sets the stage for the next morning. It's like a game of life dominoes; we just need to knock over the right one. Learn how to slowly build an evening routine that gradually decreases your productive energy and helps you connect with yourself and the people around you. Stuff Mentioned In This Episode: The Universal Guide to Life-Giving Routine The Lazy Genius Morning Routine Planetbox lunchboxes (my boys have this one) The Lazy Genius Cleans the Kitchen Support the show on Patreon Download the transcript for this episode This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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But Laura shopped on Amazon and saved on cleaning spray, countertop wipes, and fly traps. Hey, fruit flies. Your baby boom ends here. Save the everyday with Amazon. Hi, everybody. I'm Kendra, and this is the lazy genius podcast. I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. This month, we're focusing on routine. Those things we do most every day that help us get started. up done, feel like a person, and not lose our minds. You're listening to the second episode in

this series, The Lazy Genius Evening Routine. If you didn't listen to last week's episode, The Lazy Genius Morning Routine, I highly encourage you to stop this episode, download last weeks, and listen to it before you keep going. The basic reason is because I did a little unexpected preaching on the power of routines and the traps they create if we're not careful. and that little tangent is actually really foundational to future episodes. So make sure you listen to the lazy genius morning routine at least the first five minutes. And I'd also love to suggest that you read the blog post, the universal path to life-giving routine. I'll put it in the show notes.

Today we're getting into the nuts and bolts of an evening routine, but that post contains the tools on how we're going to get there. So it's an important thing for you to check out if you are at all interested in really taking this routine thing to new places in your life. All that said, today we're talking evening routines. We'll talk about why they matter, what they might look like, and how to create one and stick to it. But before we get started, I just have to tell you all that I have discovered the power of routines this week because I haven't been able to do them. It was spring break and we haven't been regular or routine about anything. I'm losing my mind a little bit. Um,

all of that free time. Did I have like a better meal plan? A cleaner house? Did I get more work done? No. No. And I'm currently recording this literally hours before you're listening to it on my stomach, on my bed, because there's nowhere else in my house to go. So no. I don't always live by routines. I sound like that beer commercial guy. I don't always drink whatever. I don't always live by routines. But when I don't, I realize how much they matter. So if you get out of that, out of routine like I have this week. Don't knock yourself. It's really fine. Just start again tomorrow or next week. Tiny steps, lots of grace. This does not change your value as a person. There you go. Okay. So let's talk about evening routines. Most of us have an evening routine of just falling on

the couch as soon as possible and not moving until a kid cries or we need to pee. It's so nice to just literally sit down at the end of the day. But there's also a sense of like inadequacy. One we do that, it doesn't ever quite feel as life-giving as we hoped it would. It's just another night in front of the TV, like scrolling Instagram and eating chips. Now, let me be clear. I will, under no circumstances, tell you not to do those things as part of your evening routine. There are all wonderful things that I do with great gusto. The difference I hope you'll see, though, after this episode is intentionality and purpose. the last episode, we define a morning routine as kindly opening the day to gradually increasing

our productive energy. In an evening routine, it does kind of the opposite. It's kindly, and I say kindly, because we're not very kind to ourselves a lot, it's kindly closing the day and gradually decreasing our productive energy so that we can refuel for tomorrow. We all know from experience that evenings kind of steeped in this intention, they lead to better tomorrow mornings, right? It's all a game of dominoes. We just need to tip off the right one. So an evening routine matters because it's part of a rhythm that allows us to refuel. Let's look at what an evening routine might look like. Let's start with when it happens. This depends a lot on your life. It depends on when you get home from work, which might be four o'clock or eight o'clock, when your kids

are actually in bed or if you have teenagers when you decide to go to bed like even though they're still awake I hear that that happens it's crazy um like when you get home from practice or the gym or when dinner is over like there are lots of variables here but for the sake of this conversation let's assume that your evening routine happens after dinner and if you have kids when the kids are mostly done needing you for the day like you're just kind of at a point where no one really needs you anymore i feel like a good word for kind of the underlying current of an evening routine is connection. We're connecting with ourselves. We're giving our minds a chance to kind of quiet down to think about things that our minds haven't been able to think about yet. We're taking time to rest our bodies after standing

all day. We're taking time to slowly indulge in food or a book or the quiet liturgy of making a cup of like that is such a real thing life kind of slows enough to connect with ourselves in ways we haven't been able to do all day especially if you have little kids oh my goodness um we also might connect that connection sticks around like we also might connect with a spouse um we need to connect with laughter with stillness with a hobby in the evening it's almost like we allow things to come to us rather than moving towards them like we do during the day there's a slowness and and what might feel like selfishness in the evening, but really we're setting an intention to connect with who

and what we need to in order to refuel. So how do you decide what that is? How do you figure out what components you might have in an evening routine? And there are a couple of questions that you can ask. First, what could you do this evening that would make tomorrow morning better? For me, it's making sandwiches for my boys.

I make the rest of their lunch usually in the morning, but getting the sandwiches done, it basically makes me feel like lunch is done. You might say packing your bag for leaving the next morning, programming the coffee pot to get started without you, cleaning off your desk, so you're able to take advantage of that single hour in the morning you get to write. Even like pulling up a lighter and setting it next to the candle that always makes you your morning better when you remember to actually light it. Like what can you do tonight that will make tomorrow morning better? Next question. What emotion do you need to feel in order to refuel? Or if you're not a super emotional person, what part of your brain needs engaging? Or what part of your body needs attention? Most of

us move from our emotions, our minds, or our bodies. One of those three often kind of takes a hit during the day as it tries to manage everything that's going on. You might carry stress in your back and need to stretch while you watch the crown. You might struggle to manage your deep well of beautiful emotions throughout the day and just need to like end the evening with a therapeutic cry. You might not have been able to use your brain for anything personally stimulating and need to read a book about a topic that engages a different part of your regular day brain. Pay attention to what parts of your emotions, your mind, and or your body need attention that

need to refuel. Okay. Now, with the morning routine, we created an ideal morning. We don't start trying to make the entire thing happen, right? But having an end game gives us something to build on. Let's do the same with an evening routine. What does your ideal evening look like? You might want to go out most nights. You might love the idea of lighting candles and reading a book under a blanket. it. You might love watching great TV and want to spend your evenings doing that while you cross-stitch. Maybe you want to work out hard and then shower and use that time for self-care where you're not rushed and can use that like really cool facial mask that you don't ever get to use in the morning. You might not even have just one ideal evening. So if you want to create two or three, I think that's

great. But for the average day, what does your ideal evening look like? What are you doing to make tomorrow morning better and tonight a time of refueling and connection and how do we create this routine and keep it going we start small just like with everything we're doing around routine your first step will seem so small it's dumb but small wins the race you guys you will not develop habits and routines that are life giving by doing everything at once you'll just fail and give up and then stay the same so let's take the risk of that one tiny step that's too small not to do. The good thing about the evening routine is that most of the time we find it easy to

force ourselves to refuel. Like, oh, I have to watch TV. Bummer. But we are injecting a lot of intentionality into this. Let's say you do love to watch TV. But you also want to connect with your spouse. My husband, Kauze, and I love TV. Like, love it.

We watch sports and shows and late night talk shows. We're happy with pretty much anything. But a lot of nights, we do end up on opposite sides of the couch, scrolling phones like you do while we watch a show. And the show we choose is usually by default, like a basketball game we don't super care about, a rerun at the office that we get kind of sucked into, or we're hungry. And since we can't go out for street tacos because we have sleeping kids in the house, we watch diners, drive-ins, and dives for like three hours.

It's regular life and that is okay. But last year, I started being intentional about what we want. watched. I made a list actually. You can do that too. I made a list of shows that he and I always talk about wanting to watch but never seem to get to. And so while we're getting kids ready for bed and like cleaning the kitchen, I'll say, hey, do you want to watch a couple of episodes of Stranger Things tonight? Like make it a plan. And of course he says yes. And we actually sit next to each other, cozy up on the couch and we watch something that we like sharing. The refueling properties of that versus like halfway watching the calves and the spurs while we each play on like different horns of

the internet is vastly different. So watching TV is great. It's even better when you're intentional about how it fits into your routine and why it's there. There are a few areas of your life that could play a part in your evening routine. Your home like tidying, cleaning the kitchen after dinner, making sure the launders put away, that kind of thing. Your body. Exercise. taking a shower, spending 20 minutes on a like pampering skincare routine that actually brings a lot of life. Don't let anyone shame you into thinking that that isn't important. Your relationships, like reading to your kids, having a conversation with your husband, boxing with your best friend, your hobbies and your dreams, working on that project that has a hold on you that won't let go,

reading an actual book for longer than 10 minutes, watching that show or that movie, and then your to tomorrow. Choosing your clothes, making breakfast or kids lunches, cleaning off your desk, locating your keys and your sunglasses, and filling up your water bottle now rather than scrambling to find them as you leave tomorrow. This does not have to be robotic. It's not like you're only allowed this much time for this activity and not much time for that activity or you have to pick one in each of these categories or anything like that. It's just a rhythm and an intention. As you start with one small step it builds to another and another. Let me share my evening routine with you to give you an idea. And remember that it hasn't always been this way. It's been building on Excel for

several years. And that construction has happened one small step at a time, truly. I've never been successful giving myself a list of 10 things to do every night. I don't do them. But doing one thing leads to two things leads to 10. So start somewhere with your evening routine. and it'll be great. It'll get there. Here's mine. So our kids are young. They're 8, 6, and almost two. Y'all Annie turns two on Sunday. Like, let me pick myself up off the floor and we would keep going. Oh my gosh. But our kids, they don't have practices and activities that make family dinners hard. We are at the table eating dinner by 545 every night. I know that won't always happen, but it does now. And so that's what our routine is. We have dinner. And then all three kids,

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I will link to them in the show notes. They're like a cross between like a briefcase and a bento box. They're stainless steel. We use zero plastic bags. They go in the dishwasher. They're super sturdy. I just love them. Yes, they're expensive.

if you happen to click on that link and look at them yourself. But Sam has used his for five years now and probably will for at least another five. And all the money we save on plastic baggies and like a new lunchbox every school year. It's so worth it. We love, love, love them. Okay. So anyway, back to the routine. The only thing about using those lunchboxes is that in order for me to pack their lunches, I need their lunchboxes to be clean early enough for me to do it before I fall asleep. So while the kids go crazy jumping around. I take the 15 minutes between dinner and bath time and spend it like speed cleaning the kitchen and then start the dishwasher. You can listen to the lazy genius cleans the kitchen to hear the method to getting the kitchen clean faster than you thought possible. It's really all about the order.

And that order helps me get things cleaned up and the dishwasher rolling before I take Annie back for her bath. So then I put her to bed, which is usually around like seven-ish, seven-fifteen, My husband is in charge of the boys. So by this time, they're mostly showered and have their teeth brushed. And they get to play video games after all that's done. That's kind of their main time to do that. And they love it. I love it too because while they're in the den playing video games,

my real evening routine starts. I put in my earbuds and listen to music. I usually say podcasts for the day. I sweep the floor, tidy the main area of the house. And then I kind of just generally reset everything and I move I move pretty slowly we talked about the gradual decrease in productive energy I'm pretty like I'm a pretty productive person and I can move at a super fast clip my default pace is speedwalker like not actual walking but just an actual productive like I'm fast and I recognized a

while back that if I sped through resetting the house at night by the time I sat down to read or write or watch something the crash was just too great i went from too fast to no movement at all and i didn't really get the benefits of either so now i spend that resetting time kind of moving slowly i listen to chill music and gradually decrease my productive energy i think that gradualness is really important okay so around 740 oh my gosh you guys this feels so weird like is this the most boring thing ever. I'm going to assume it's not because a lot of you ask me about my routines, but just know that I feel really weird actually using podcast minutes to tell you this stuff. My apologies if you hate it. Okay, so around 745, the dishwasher is done and I'll pull out

the clean lunch boxes and I'll pack tomorrow's lunch. By that time, boys are done playing their games, their video games. My husband usually reads to our middle son who goes to bed a little earlier than the older one. Our oldest, Sam, and I we hang out until like 8.30. He does not sleep. Oh my gosh, y'all. We usually read. I've been reading Harry Potter to him, but we just got to the end of the Chamber of Secrets where Harry and Ron and Lockhart actually get inside the chamber and Sam has been finding lots of reasons to not keep reading. I think he's a little bit scared. But anyway, that half hour is my time with Sam. Sometimes I read my own book while he reads his. We're just like next to each other. Sometimes we

draw together. He tells me his ideas for like a summer business to make money so we can go to Disney World. And honestly, like when he has a million questions about how he can make money entertaining people, which he has asked me before, I wish that he would just read so I could read and be quiet. But that part of our family routine is precious and I know that. But I just want you parents to know that I also understand how draining it can be when your kids get older and want to talk to you. Like coupled with you. Like, coupled with you, you parents to know, but I just want to be. I just want to the beauty that your kids want to talk to you. It's a really interesting dynamic that I want to address. I just want to acknowledge that. So there you go. I love that time and then sometimes I'm

really glad when it's over because my brain is done and you're okay if you need to feel that way too. Okay, so by 845, all of our kids are asleep. The house is reset. We're ready for tomorrow and now it's causing kinder time. Now like I said, we have a list of shows we're working our way through on purpose. we also really love sports and will often pair watching a game with like playing scrabble or something for very exciting people um some nights i have lazy genius work to do and that's okay too many nights he falls asleep before the clock hits nine it's a real life y'all but turning the knob one tiny notch towards more intentionality in the veging out time it's just such a game to changer okay then my this is just so fascinating isn't it then my then my

pre-bed routine. So I try and be in my room by 9.30. Do you guys do that thing where like if you're not asleep by 10 or any anytime really, but if you're not asleep by a certain time, you'll be wide awake until like after midnight. It is so weird. I have the tiniest window where my body wants to fall asleep. And if I miss it, all bets are off. It's the worst. So I try and really be aware of that window and respect it, especially on school nights. So I'm usually heading back by 930. I brush my teeth. I do my skincare routine. I listen to my evening playlist. I have one of those. I do a couple of forward facing folds. Basically like just bend over at the waist. But I have no flexibility and I'm working on that. And so I do a couple of those before I get in bed. And right now, I mentioned this in the blog post,

the universal path to life giving routine. I'm adding the small step of reading before bed from a non-kindle book, like from an actual book. And the small step, it isn't to read. The small step is to have a book on my nightstand. Like, that way if I'm able to read, I can. It's there as a reminder. So maybe I read, maybe I don't. But then I'm usually to sleep a little after 10. And that's how it pretty much is every night. Now, let me say this. Okay, done talking about routine. Most of those components happened one at a time. We've always had bath time routines with our kids. because that's when they get clean right at night for us. And yes, like the kitchen, it always needs to get cleaned up eventually. Lunches get made eventually. I'll wash my face sometimes. We always

land on the couch at some point. But my point is that the rhythm of all those things happening intentionally and as a way of refueling, it happened very slowly. It's been building on itself for literally years. But now that routine is so expected by the entire family that if I have to leave for a meeting, or to hang out with a friend before our regular routine is over. Cause will do the dishwasher and the lunches. Sam will still read without me. The house will still get tidied by more of a group effort. We've all kind of created expectations and understanding

around that particular routine. Don't get the wrong idea. Like we're still working on the whole kids and chores thing. It's not like my kids are picking up everything every night. It's been a beast to try to figure that stuff out. But I don't feel pressure to figure that out. right now we're building in small steps. As far as chores go, like the kids bring their plates to the kitchen most days without being asked. They put their clothes in the hamper most days without being asked.

Are they unloading the dishwasher or wiping the sinks or learning the concepts of saving money? No, not yet. One step in a time for all of us. That is okay. Okay. So back to the routine. So what about what about you? What about your routine? What small step can you add to what you're already doing in the evening to create an environment of refueling and helping tomorrow start better. Remember that gradually decreasing that productive energy is so, so important. Don't crash and burn. Be gentle and kind as you move from one mindset to another. I shared last year about during the holidays about opening and closing ceremonies

for like all the fall and winter holidays. Morning and evening routines, they're kind of similar, right? They're really opening and closing ceremonies for the day. They're repeated and purposeful and there to offer a structure for your decisions and help you remember what matters. You don't want to create routines around things that don't matter. That's like a waste of a good small step, right? So start small. Start with what matters.

Refuel and set the stage for tomorrow. Okay. That's it for today. Let's go ahead and do our lazy genius tip of the week. it's actually a podcast recommendation if you have kids who never brush their teeth long enough. It's called Chompers and it's produced by Gimlet Media, which is the same network that network, is that what it's called, that makes startup, reply all and like lots of other great shows. They put out a new episode every morning and evening that are meant to help kids brush for the recommended length of time.

They have theme weeks, like gross week, gross week, of course, and like automobile week. and animal week. And the tooth fairy, of course, is the host. And the tooth fairy shares facts and stories and lots of like kid-friendly sound effects while the kids brush their teeth. Even like tells the kids when to change sides and spit and all of that. Like it's crazy. My boys love it. And they're actually brushing their teeth for over two minutes each time, which was like pulling teeth. Oh my gosh. I did not mean for that pun to come out. I love it. Oh my gosh. But it really was like pulling teeth to get them to brush the whole time, but they love chompers. They just like, they get their toothbrush and they're like, can we listen to choppers? So if you are tired of fighting your kids about

brushing their teeth, just try it. Search chompers. So C-H-O-M-P-E-R-S in whatever podcast app you use. And this is not an ad, by the way. It kind of sounds like one, I'm realizing that. But it's not. I just really love, I love the show. It's fantastic. But I will say, speaking of ads, you have probably notice that the show does not have ads. It has been considered in order to pay the lazy genius bills. And it still might happen one day. But I also know that not having ads is something that a lot of you really appreciate about the show. So can I ask you to think about something? Would you consider supporting the show with even just a dollar a month? I do hope that I offer way more value to you than a dollar a month's worth. I do hope that. But if you would like to

help support the show and keep it without ads for as long as humanly possible. Check out patreon.com. That's P-A-T-R-E-O-N. Patreon.com slash the lazy genius. You can support the show with just a dollar. I mean, it will be unbelievably amazing. Or if you want to pledge $3 or more, you also get the Lazy Sisters podcast, which is a show I do with my sister as kind of a secret. Thank you. that is only for $3 supporters or higher.

They're the only ones who get access to that show. So if you're interested in doing that, I would love to say thank you by giving you something else fun to listen to like that show. But if you want to just do like a buck, just like a tip jar, that would be so amazing. But regardless, if you choose to support the show financially, I'm so grateful that you listen and you share it with your friends

and all of that. Like that is so important too. But just so you know, the reason that we don't have ads is not because I don't need them. That might happen one day, but that day will wait longer if I can pay the bills other ways. So I just wanted to kind of let you know about that because that's not something we talk about a whole lot around here. But thanks for listening to that little spiel. And please go listen to Chomper's. It is such a delight. Okay. So that's it for today. The show notes for this episode are going to be at the lazy genius

Collective.com slash lazy slash evening. And I'll include all the links that we talked about and all the things. So you can go there. And again, the Patreon link is patreon.com slash the lazy genius. I'll put that in the show notes too. Thank you so much for being here, you guys. And remember to be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous. than a B minus or a C plus life, because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You.

People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.