The Lazy Genius Podcast - #77 The Lazy Genius Rests

Episode Date: October 1, 2018

A couple of months ago, I asked on Instagram what you’d like me to talk about during our times together, and when someone said rest, the likes on that comment started piling up fast. Can we get better at resting? Can we set better goals and push toward resting better? In this episode, we’ll talk about how we need to look at rest differently and then figure out practical ways to actually do it in our regular life. Stuff Mentioned: The Incomparable Emily P. Freeman My Penny and Sparrow playlist that always calms me down Nest Fest details and tickets for October 20th I’ll be a special guest at The Popcast Live Show on October 20th as well. Head over to my Instagram to see how you can win a pair of tickets Download a transcript of this episode This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi there. You're listening to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 77. The lazy genius rests. A couple of months ago, I asked on Instagram what you'd like me to talk about during our times together here. And when someone said rest, the likes on that comment started piling up really fast. I think we're also tired. We want a better way of resting, which feels counterintuitive in a lot of ways. Can we get better at a lot of ways? Can we get better at resting? Can we set better goals and push towards resting better? But if you take away the paradox there, yeah, I think we can. I think we can rest better. And in this episode, we're going to talk about how we need to look at rest differently and then figure out practical ways to actually do it in our regular life. So first thing, when you imagine rest, what is it that you see? Do you see an empty room that doesn't belong to you? Like an exotic hotel room. Um, Do you see like a plush white bed or curtains blowing in the breeze? Maybe you see the ocean or the mountains.

You see a weekend alone in a cabin in the woods or a girls trip eating and shopping and sleeping in. There's so many beautiful possibilities. My personal vision of rest or one of them is being in my house by myself for like at least 48 hours. Somebody take away all my sweet people and then let me enjoy my own space without responsibility. That are going to the beach, also without responsibility. It's pretty common for us to imagine rest on a grand scale. If we could just get away for a while, we would be a different person. I say that too.

It feels like that's the magic formula. The ability to get away and recharge alone for longer than an hour, please and thank you. But when we do that, if we get to do that at all, it often falls a little flat. and here's why I think that is. We don't know how to rest. Even when we're given that rare opportunity to do it, we do it poorly because we don't have any practice. Daily rest is not on our radar.

We just live and survive and do our best and hope for a chance to get a break. And because we're so programmed to idealize that grand rest, we don't enjoy the smaller opportunities to rest every day. If what you want is a day to yourself, getting an hour is a letdown. nothing is enough, which isn't the most helpful mentality since most of us feel that we ourselves are not enough on a consistent basis, which is part of the reason we're so tired in the first place.

My beloved favorite, Emily P. Freeman, uses the phrase sitting down on the inside. Rest is sitting down on the inside. We can actually experience rest while we're moving and doing and living regular life because our souls are at rest. Now, I'm not saying that's the answer. This isn't like a bait and switch of like, hey, you can rest and still be a crazy person by. What I am saying is rest doesn't have to equal silence and stillness and solitude all the time. Those things are hard to come by because of toddlers and jobs and dinner and life. But there is a subtle difference in finding rest for our bodies and rest for our souls. Soul rest is possible when our bodies are moving. I know there are a lot of differences in how we all see our souls and our spirituality. But for me, I love that the Bible

offers Psalm 62, where David writes, my soul finds rest in God. My hope comes from him. The thing I love about that is that David, he was a king and a soldier and a major player in Israel's history. He was a man of action, except for that like hole on the roof with Bathsheba thing. He was not necessarily like, It was all about like long weekends on the coast or whatever. And yet he said that his soul found rest in God. His body was still super active, but his soul found rest. For me and my personal spiritual life, seeing the difference in soul rest and physical body rest is important. We can experience rest in our souls even when our bodies are moving.

How do we do that? It goes back to that Emily P. Freeman phrase, sitting down on the inside. I'm guessing that you know what it's like to stand up on the inside or run around or hide in a corner on the inside. When we have a posture of protection, of protecting ourselves against how people see us, or how we think they see us, or how we're not meaning expectations, we grow weary on the inside really quickly. We're worried we're not enough that we're letting everybody down and doing it all wrong. We're worried that people think we have it all together, so we're not allowed to fall apart. We carry a lot. Those messages make our souls heavy and tired and we're desperate for rest.

We're going to talk about physical rest in a minute because that's important. But I think the first step and the one that can have immediate benefits to us is to give our souls a break and let that stuff go. Daily, hourly, maybe minute by minute. It's an abiding in the space of not being in control, of trusting that you are being held together by arms bigger than your. own that you don't have to keep it together in your own power because your own power wears you out. So when it comes to finding rest in our souls, we need to recognize that our souls are often busy carrying rather than receiving. And this description might be a little too on the nose, but when you're busy carrying, you can't receive. Have you ever gone to somebody's house for dinner

and your arms are full of like appetizers and diaper bags? And you cannot properly receive a hug from your aunt Sally, you know? It's hard to carry. and receive at the same time. And that's especially true of our souls. I don't believe our souls were meant to carry anything on their own. There's another Psalm, Psalm 42, and it has a refrain repeated, why my soul are you downcast? Put your hope in God. That's it. Like put your hope in God, not in your own expectations or abilities or systems, hope in something bigger than you. And someone who loves you for who you are, not what you do. It is there that we find rest for our weary soul. and we stop trying to carry what's not ours to hold.

So if we daily practice rest in our souls, what does that mean for our body? Because my body's tired. My muscles hurt. Sometimes my eyes will stay open. And it is not uncommon for me to sit down on the couch and not know how to get up again. Physical rest is necessary too.

And it definitely can't be fixed with that magical weekend away. We need to practice daily physical rest. Now, I'm not going to tell you to do everything you can to get eight hours of sleep a night and to, you know, not put your phone in your room and all the things we already hear and know. Frankly, those ideas are great. I mean, you know it and I know it. If I could get eight hours of sleep a night and not look at my phone after 9 o'clock, I'd probably be a more rested person and not want to take a nap at 2 in the afternoon. But while those are worthy practices, what they can do is make us feel like we're failing if we're not doing them and we don't

need any more of that. Daily rest is more than just getting more sleep and not looking at our phone so much. So let's spend our last few minutes together talking about what physical rest can look like for us practically. I do want to talk about sleep first, though. And I know I just said I wouldn't tell you to get eight hours, and I won't. But real quick, let's reframe how we see sleep. I feel like sleep is a waste of time sometimes. It just feels wasteful. I don't close the door on my last kid until 845 every night. And for those of you with teenagers, they're up later than you are. Those evenings of like kids in bed by seven and then a couple of hours of unwinding followed by like a reasonable bedtime no more those days are gone and I think that's why so many of us if you have kids feel so

desperate in those like night hours we don't want to go to bed because we just sat down we're just getting to be a person and there's where the shift can happen I want you to figure out I want us to figure out ways to be a genius about being a person throughout the day even when we're not alone We need daily practices of rest and recharging throughout the day, not just at night when we're basically comatose, but refusing to actually go to bed, which by the way makes our sleep more fitful and harder to come by. It's just a fun little cycle. So how do we rest from effort? How do we rest our bodies well without feeling like we have to go to bed at nine every night to feel normal? First idea.

Don't put rest only in the nighttime category. We push and produce all day. and then allow ourselves to rest at night, but collapse into it because we haven't stopped yet. We treat weekends the same way, actually. So a way to rest regularly is to let ourselves rest throughout the day, not just at night, not just on the weekends, not just when everything is done. Of course, I cannot do a podcast episode on rest and not mention the Sabbath, but God commanded that we take an entire day to rest.

He took that to whatever, I mean, whatever a day means to God. But he worked it into creation into what he wants us to do, like how he wants us to live. He wanted for his people to rest so much that when they were wandering in the desert and he sent food from the actual sky for them to eat, he sent a double portion the day before the commanded Sabbath so that they wouldn't have to work on that day. Rest is part of how we're made. It's part of what's intended for us and how we live life. Don't tell yourself that you don't need it. So first thought is to have rest be an overall life category, not just a nighttime or. or weekend or vacation category.

It is so important. The next thought is to figure out what physical and soul rest look like for you specifically. We are all different and we fill up different ways. And so it's important to pay attention to what offers you rest. If you're not sure, it really does start with paying attention. Think about when you have felt rested on either level, soul or body. But I think moments of true soul rest are harder to find and more important to name

than the physical rest. Like if your body's tired, you take a nap. You get a massage. You know, like those answers make more sense, but meeting the needs of a restful soul will make our physical rest easier to come by. So let's find those moments. When have you left an experience

and felt more settled in who you are like you were sitting down on the inside? This episode is brought to you by Defender. With its 626 horsepower twin turbo V8 engine, The Defender Octa is taking on the Dakar rally. The ultimate off-road challenge. Learn more at landrover.ca. Amazon presents Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa,

whether it's Verde, Roja, or the orange one. For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacid ginger tea and milk. Habaniero, more like habanier, yes. Save the everyday with Amazon. Aw isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, and enhance the quality of public life.

You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. I will share my own process in the hopes that it helps you and yours. You might have heard me mention this on other episodes, but there are three things that make me sit down on the inside, like relax my body and leave the experience feeling truly rested. Those three things are music, baking, and the beach. For a while, that list was just the beach. I put so much emphasis on experiencing rest, both for my body and my soul, at the ocean.

It's like it didn't count if I didn't hear waves and feel a breeze or something. Guess who was never content with any level of rest anywhere else? Obviously. So when I started the process of finding other avenues that made me feel a similar way that the beach does, things started changing. I get to the beach maybe once a year if I'm lucky. And man, is it awesome? But other things count too. They have to, or I'll go crazy, waiting to get from beach trip to beach trip.

So after a lot of paying attention to what I love and need and how my body and soul respond to certain things, I began to find similar rest in music and baking. They were always there. I just didn't see them because they weren't the ocean. So now my go-to rest on a daily basis is listening to Penny and Sparrow because it's always a click away for whatever reason when penny and sparo music it's like it's a band and it's two dudes when their music comes on i am immediately in a better place it's like a secret code that gets me back to equilibrium i don't understand it but it's true so when i feel stressed with those like crazy

afternoons of homework and dinner and general tiredness i turn on penny and sparrow and immediately feel a little better immediately and when my soul feels like itself my muscles relax my breathing slows down. Body and soul are so connected. Baking is another thing. I don't bake every day because I just don't have time, but it's one of the greatest reset buttons I have. When I have a busy week, I'll pick an afternoon where I could be doing something productive and instead I bake. I plan it. Like I write in my calendar, I block it off like it's an appointment because I know I need it. I need to need bread and cream, butter and sugar, and smell something delicious coming from the oven and feed my people. It is so centering to me.

It doesn't happen every day, but it is easier to schedule in and get the benefits from it, both physically and on a soul level. And then the third thing, again, is the beach. The beach will always be my favorite. But I live four hours from the closest one. And here's where we go into another perspective for you in finding your own daily rest. you know what makes you feel like yourself and settled, but it's something that you can't experience every day or like on a fairly regular basis. It's good to find things adjacent to that thing that you can experience on a more regular basis. There is no version of nature that beats

the beach for me. But that doesn't mean I can't feel close to that same feeling sitting on my front porch like on the swing during a thunderstorm or walking on a trail through the trees. the beach is the best, but being outside gets me close enough. Think about what that means for you. What do you wish you could do every day? And then think creatively about how you can find a similar feeling with something more common to your everyday. The ultimate daily magic is when I play Penny and Sparrow

while I'm baking with the windows open and a breeze coming through the kitchen. Even thinking about that experience, it makes me relax. It makes me breathe and slow down. and sit down on the inside. And guess what? That's not hard to come by. I can do that on most days.

And if I can't bake, even making dinner scratches that itch a little bit. It's adjacent. And adjacent is good. It's good. Now, you might be thinking that your thing isn't as easy to come by. It's like, well, it's not baking. Like, you can do that whenever or listen to me.

Like, it's not music for me. I get it. But music and baking and being outside, they were not my immediate answers to the question. of rest. My immediate answer was the beach. I had to dig for the other things. It took months, even years to recognize the impact that music can have on me. Why? Because my expectation always rested in a weekend away at the beach to the point where I couldn't see any other option. Nothing else counted or was enough because it wasn't the beach. So when you take yourself out of the headspace of the ideal

version of rest and start to think smaller, you'll see a difference quicker than you think. I am in a season of busyness. I usually try to stay away from feeling frantic and busy, but sometimes you don't have a choice. And I'm in a season where I don't have a choice, which means I have to be even more intentional about choosing daily rest. I haven't listened to podcasts in weeks because all I do is listen to Penning and Sparrow because I need to. I have made the same dozen dinners for the past few weeks, but I have baked a very complicated cake, a lemon meringue pie, a few other things, because I need to. I have been so busy, but have spent most of my rare morning minutes alone on my front porch

just staring rather than hustling because I need to do that. I have to rest. We've heard it, but when we're busy, rest is even more important, which I know feel stupid and annoying, but it's also true. It can be annoying and also true at the same time. So to bring it all together, we need rest for our bodies and our souls and almost always the two are connected. When our souls are at rest, our muscles and breath relax. When we recognize the stuff our souls are carrying and instead receive spiritual rest from wherever our spiritual rest comes from, our physical

bodies feel equipped to do what matters rather than hustling and striving for what doesn't. And if we see rest as a daily practice, not just a night or weekend or vacation practice, we learn what it means to rest. We understand better how to do it and learn how we specifically need it. Then when those nights and weekends and vacations do come, we're in a better place to enjoy them for what they are. They're not some ultimate destination, but a chance to, you know, experience longer stretches of rest that we've already been kindling. Daily small steps. They matter and they make the big leaps even better. If you are struggling to know what your daily steps of rest can be, I encourage you to ask a friend or someone who knows you really well. Process it

out loud. Ask if that person has seen a time in your life when you truly rested and felt like you were sitting down on the inside. We have friends and loved ones for this purpose. So use them if you need them. Ask them. Get their help. And if you want to process this with me together, if you've got any questions for me, I will be on Instagram this Thursday around 1215 Eastern to answer any of your questions. I am at the lazy genius on Instagram and would love for you to follow me there.

And then last thing. If you are looking for a fun opportunity to spend a day away doing something fun, like an upbeat version of rest and recharging, I have a really great idea for you. If you're in the southeast or you don't mind traveling for really cool things, Ness Fest is happening in less than three weeks. I will put a link in the show notes so you can get more info on it. But Ness Fest is it's an all-day event hosted by the Nestor, who is my home muse.

She's like the only person I listen to when it comes to my house. She opens up her entire country property. It's beautiful. And she fills it with curated vendors and food trucks and live music and all the things. There's like book signings and all that. It is such a fun, fun event and a great thing to do with a girlfriend to have a fun day away. Her farm is in Midland, North Carolina, which is close to Charlotte, which works out perfectly because guess what's happening that night in Charlotte?

Nessfest during the day and then at night is a popcast live show. Y'all know how obsessed I am with Knox and Jamie. They are doing a live show that night and I will be a guest actually for part of the show, which I'm super stoked for. It's the most random, wonderful kind of night where you'll just laugh for two hours and love your life. So I will be at both of those things. I'm going to be at Ness Fest and at the podcast live show and we'll love for you to come say hi if you're there too. Both events are Saturday, October 20th and there are links for tickets to both shows or both events in the show notes. And I am doing a giveaway on Instagram right now for two tickets to the podcast show. So you can go to

my Instagram account. Again, that's at the lazy genius for more info on that. You can win those tickets. come say hi. It is a different kind of recharging. It is a different kind of rest, but I'm so excited. That's going to be such a fun day. Okay, friends, that is all for today. Thank you for listening and for sharing these episodes with your people. I love, love being part of your lives. And it's an honor that you let me in. I'm Kendra. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Bye, guys. Have you ever felt like you are living just a B or B plus life, it's so dangerous to live that more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it.

You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.