The Lazy Genius Podcast - #8: A Lazy Genius Marriage with Kaz Adachi

Episode Date: June 21, 2016

He didn't own a cell phone until 2014, he does a mean Cookie Monster impression, and he's the laziest of all geniuses. In this episode, Kendra talks with her husband about their lazy genius marriage and the torrid story of how they met. It's a little scandalous. Where to find Kaz: Nowhere. He's an Internet hermit. Where to find Kendra: Instagram: @thelazygenius Visit Kendra online at The Lazy Genius Collective. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's something else here now, something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus, it's the series Stephen King calls Scarious Hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real. Sci-fi Vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules. Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch. Saving those children is how we all go home.

From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. and you're listening to The Lazy Genius Podcast. Here we help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things you don't. This is Season 1, Episode 8, and my guest today is my husband, Cause, Adachi. My girl Emily Freeman said that he is the laziest genius because he married me. That's actually a pretty brilliant tape. He is steady and kind. He's a middle school counselor, so he's like basically a wizard.

And he didn't get a cell phone until he was 40 years old. Um, so he's also like, kind of like an old timing person. I hope you enjoy, um, this peek into our lazy genius marriage. You ready to do my podcast with me? Yep. How, how excited are you on a scale of like not excited at all to willing? Well, um, I think, I think, I think, well, the first, when the idea like first came about, I'd say that I was more excited.

Not that I was excited then, but probably more then. And since then, I become more willing. Right. So what changed? I think the, just kind of the fact that it would go out to more than five people. Right. That changed things. Right. Because you're a pretty private person.

Yes. So this is love what you're doing right now. Yes. Yes. Yes. But I think the good thing is that, you know, like I'll probably never listen to this. Yeah. I don't imagine you will.

Yes. So I could edit this to make you sound any way I wanted to. Um, yes. Which means I'm not going to touch it because it's going to sound exactly the way you are and we are. I'm only going to say yes. And so you have to decide how to edit it. It reminds me of a Simpsons episode. Everything reminds you of a Simpsons episode.

Yes. Would you like to tell what the Simpsons episode is? It's just where Homer is accused of inappropriately touching a babysitter. And so then he is interviewed by some sort of like news journalism show, and they edit it in a way to make him look terrible. Right. Well, I promise I won't do that. And I'm just trying to think of a funny way to say that you would never inappropriately touch a babysitter. No, but I would use a Simpsons.

In fact, I used the Simpsons when I was in grad school. I used it kind of as a basis of a presentation that I did. That would make sense. I feel like I remember this now. Sibling rivalry. Right, because that's one of the best episodes ever. Yes. It's when Bart and Lisa are on opposing hockey teams.

Yes. Yeah, that's a good one. I just realize how often I say yes. You do say yes a lot. apparently I say awesome and exactly a lot so that happens um okay so I didn't watch the Simpsons until we got married you you brought the Simpsons into my life and I'm grateful for that because it's such a good show um okay so I need you to tell tell me just pretend like you're talking to me I need you to tell me why you didn't have a cell phone until just the last

couple of years. Why did I not have a cell phone for the last couple of years? How did that work? I never really had a reason to have a cell phone. Like, in terms of where I am, I would be at work, or I would be with you. And who else do you want to talk to? Yeah. I mean, yeah, I mean, there's not really people that I really want to communicate with. And so. Sorry if you thought you were friends with cause. No, no. You're all wonderful. But yeah, just, you know, like there's not a lot of people that I need to communicate with. And so it was like, okay. Why? Why? Yeah. No, it makes sense. It makes you seem like you're from like another planet, but in a good way. Like a really like settled, minimalistic planet. Yeah, but I mean, really, it's just that, I mean, there was no point. And just kind of like, yeah, what's the point of getting a cell phone?

I want to go through the hassle of that and the hassle of carrying it around and charging it and keeping track of it. And, oh, I have to make sure I don't drop it on the ground or in the toilet or. So I think it's pretty obvious to say that you are... Not that I condone using a cell phone on the toilet. Right. Yes. It sounds like, would you say that you're a pretty lazy person? I...

Well, just the list of all the reasons you didn't want to have a cell phone are pretty... I mean, they're very legitimate reasons, but like to carry it. like that that seems like a like a now now granted i'm a lazy genius i am all about lazy so my calling you lazy is not at all any sort of judgment i was going to ask would you say that i'm lazy yes i'd say you're lazy when it's when it's appropriate to be lazy um i would say that i'm lazy you just period just period you don't have wasted motion or wasted words you know it's interesting like in terms of what i do in terms of work which you're a middle school counselor just in case people didn't hear the intro you're a middle school counselor yeah um like when i meet with especially like with parents um like people are like what

how can you what can you talk about for that length of time because i i i I tend to share a lot and like, you know, it's like, oh, this, this is information, you know, maybe it'll take 30 minutes to talk about, you know, your, you know, math for your child in sixth grade. But then I end up taking it to, okay, well, math in sixth grade, here's where it leads you, and then on to high school. And, you know, in terms of a career, let's talk about that. and then let's go into, you know, different options that are available to you, you know, and now let's talk about, you know, big picture, you know, this is, this is kind of really what we're talking about at the core of what we're talking about, you know, in terms of learning styles and all that sort of stuff. And so it goes, yeah, let's, let's have this little, you know, conversation

to suddenly it's two hours, two and a half hours in, and like what, you know, you. You know, what just happened and, oh, by the way, you know, you really have to use a bathroom at this point. So what you're saying is sometimes, like at work, you don't waste words. You actually have extra words. Yes, yes. The economy of words happens outside of work. Yeah. Yes.

Because you really don't, that we have a joke in my side of the family, that because you like to, you like to, you like to. joke. You like to push people's buttons and trick them and lie to them. Well, I feel like... Well, hold on. So the joke in my family is if Kaz is speaking, then he is lying because you don't often speak. For the record, I'm not laughing. See, now here's the thing. Like, I feel like the lies that I make, they're so outlandish and fantastical that no one would believe them. You know, like, oh, hey guys, Walmart's closed. You know, turn around. You're just so, but the problem is, you know, you're just very, you're very believable. And, um, and you are a trustworthy, minus all the lying. You're an extremely

trustworthy person. So people tend to believe you. It's taken, how long have we been married? I'm going to make this pause extra long. I'm just going to add so many seconds in editing to make it look like you have no idea

how long we've been married. How long have you been married? I have to do the math. I can't even remember either. I've stopped counting the seconds because there's not enough. They're not enough. So stupid. Or it's

been 13 years. It's been 13 years. Is that what it is? Yeah. So this year's 14 years. This will be 14. So like we're almost at 14 years. Yes. That's crazy. It's taken almost 14 years for my mother to finally know that you're lying. You're almost always lying to her. It's taken that long. That's how believable you are. Okay. Now like like two, I guess like I'm starting to realize the power of this. You know, like with Sam, I mean, here he is at six years old. And he's still. believes that I pull things out of his ear. He does. Or if you say, I'm going to, if you say to baby Annie, I'm going to eat you for supper, sometimes he'll start to, like, get teary. Like, he's afraid you're going to eat his

little sister. He's a very literal child. Yeah. I guess we have to pay attention to the power, the power of our words around our children. Yes. I'm trying to think did I ever, like, literally try to eat salmon? And so he's afraid that, that it will happen one day. to someone? I don't know. Do I have a look in my eye? You know? You do have looks in your eye.

I can usually tell when you're like trying to push buttons. But do I have the look of cannibalism? Of cannibalism. I don't know. I never saw Silence of the Lamb. So I'm not familiar enough with the look of cannibalism. Okay. So would you like to, people love to know origin stories of things?

How about we share our origin story? Because it's a pretty good story. And that way you don't have to like come up with stuff on the fly because you know how to tell the story. No, I actually don't know how to tell the story. Usually, usually when this story happens, I kind of listen to you, share it. And then it just ends up with me shaking my head like, man, what in the world? And like, yeah, like I always feel like, yeah, this, this. We shouldn't be together.

Yeah. And I keep thinking like, man, man, what was I thinking? Yeah, what were you thinking? And, yeah, I mean, yes. Well, okay, so I'll kind of tell the story and I'll, how about I'll ask you for like bits and pieces. Okay. And yeah, maybe I can ask questions to clarify as well. Oh, that's good.

That's good. We'll have a moment figuring this whole story out. Okay, so we met when I was 15 years old. almost 16 and you were older older you were 22 22 yeah 22 um so that's you know seven years now is not a big deal but 15 and 22 is kind of a big deal yeah so we met because um um so we we met at church i was a i was a i was starting my sophomore year of high school. Weird.

And you had just graduated from college and had come back to, had come back home to the church where we go to, to be a volunteer with the youth group that I attended. Yeah. And it's not like I came back to Greensboro, oh, just for that. But, but yeah. Oh, yeah, no. Like, you got a job and all the things. Yeah.

But that was something that you started to do when you got back. Mm-hmm. Yeah. and so I remember very clearly meeting you. I was in a van. We weren't, that sounds terrible. I was in a van. I'm sorry, I saw a, somebody today made a, I watched the hangover today.

So there are lots of inappropriate jokes in my head. So I won't, I'll try to make any more like van jokes. Okay, so we were going to a start of, school, end of summer, kind of picnic celebration with youth group. And so we all loaded into like a few cars, a few vans, and drove to some park or something to have this cookout. Well, I was in the front seat of the van, or the front seat of the back of the van, and you were in the passenger seat. And our friend, Jim Price, was in the driver's seat. And Jim was kind of the grandpa of the youth group. He'd been around a long time.

Everybody knew Jim, everybody loved Jim, and Jim kind of like took care of everybody. Jim was my high school. That's right. Yeah, Bible study leader. He was your Bible study leader in high school. I always forget that. In my senior year of high school, he's my Bible study leader. Good old Jim.

So Jim, so you were sitting in the family gym, and I was kind of like very eager to like do all the right things. and I kind of like have always been a grown up like even as a kid and so kind of like Sam kind of like Sam poor Sam oh my gosh um so Jim asked me like he introduced us um actually he said Kendra there's somebody I want you to meet this is cause he's just graduated from Duke and he was in my small group when he was in high school I don't know but he probably said stuff like this but I remember him introducing us because I was kind of like the student that he knew I would be nice to you because I was like a nice person and I didn't want to like make anybody angry at me and so I remember me like hi how are you and that was kind of all and then I remember at this like picnic

cookout thing that we went to you were playing ultimate frisbee with a bunch of students and you were acting a fool like a fool. And I didn't, you know, if anybody has ever worked in youth ministry, that's what you do when you work in youth ministries. You pretty much act a fool because that puts kids at ease and like you can have conversations. But you were like crazy. And see, yeah, you know, thinking about about kind of me in youth ministry, as I got older, that changed as well. Sure.

You know, like, I don't know if I, um, I guess it was just easier for me to be me without having to be on, I guess. Right. Okay. So maybe we'll just enter all that out. No, no, that makes, but no, that's who you are. Like, it's so very true. Maybe that's me becoming lazier. Yeah.

Well, I think it's becoming, you becoming, like, comfortable not having to be on. Like, your on is, is lazy. And that's okay. You had to turn it way on for a lot of, like, youth ministry stuff in the beginning. And you did it so very well. Like, you were, like... And I can't, I mean, I still do that. Yeah, you do that with the kids, for sure.

Yeah. But, yeah, so, like, you were going... But my point about saying that you were acting a fool is I remember thinking, like, that dude's crazy. I'm Brian Fellows. No kidding. That bird's crazy. You were acting so... silly and everyone was having so much fun hanging out with you and I remember thinking like this guy

I envied you I envied how comfortable you were or seemed at least around all these people having just met them like you were you it didn't bother you or it didn't again seem to bother you how people saw you um if they thought you were acting stupid um that didn't seem to bother you and in fact it endeared people to you and I just remember ending that because that's like the opposite of how I was, especially in high school and in my early 20s when we actually, like, were together. So I remember, I remember the first day meeting you. I mean, I had an impression the first time I met you. You didn't have an impression with me. You don't remember this, do you? No. Yeah. So I've had, I've had to deal with that, that I made, I've made zero impression.

I'd like to think that if we met now, like as I am now, I would have made an impression. but I still don't know that that's true, so I just have to keep dealing with it. That's okay. So fast forward, like months and months and you hang out with the youth group kids, I'm a youth group kid, and I just kind of start to like you and stuff because you're very likable. And then, so you're not a girl, so you don't know this. Do guys do this? So when you're a girl, especially like a teenage girl, and you like a guy, you like a guy, you analyze every single thing they say, every single thing they do, and you see it through the lens of, I like him so much, maybe he likes me too.

And so you can very easily create scenarios that do not exist. Do guys do this? Yes. Do they really? Yes. That is so cool to know. Yeah. So did you do, did you, when you started to like me, did you have scenarios, were you like analyzing me?

Or were you like, nope, off limits, stay away? Um, I tried not to too much. Um, yeah, just because it would have driven me crazy kind of a thing. Right. Like I'm sure did you. It did. It was maddening. I mean, you, you know, you, you find out less to kind of think about things and to talk through things and stuff like that. But at the same time, you know, it's like I couldn't go there. Just not healthy to be there.

Right. You're very disciplined in that way. So, okay, so we, I was, I liked you and I thought maybe you liked me, but like, that's insane to think because you're so much older than I am and why would you like me? I was like, had weird hair and braces and were overalls 95% of the time. So I kind of psyched myself up to think that, like, I wanted to psych myself up to think that you liked me, but then really when I got down to it, I'm like, no, you can. You. You can't. You. You. I'm like, no. You can. You. You. You. I'm just. I was. I. I can't possibly be seeing this. This is ridiculous. This is impossible. Um, but it just kind of kept happening and I kept like, there were just like little things. Like, I just felt like you liked hanging out with me. Like, it seemed that you liked to hang out with me. Um, maybe a little bit more than you liked hanging out with other students. And that's, that's, yeah, I think that's kind of what happened, you know, oh, yeah, uh, yeah, have fun. This person's great and, oh, it seems to have a lot of same interests and oh here's someone who laughs at my jokes

and did I laugh at your jokes? I don't know not anymore no no as much that's called marriage and you know and so it goes from oh yeah this person's great

you know fun to spend time with to oh wow you know um yeah like spending time this person too i like this person right so so that's our story no it's not goodbye good night everyone so we um okay so um a year and a half later um around christmas time this is when those email chains um

became popular uh yes no one had fun well like a o l was big yes a o was super big i amming all the time um which again i did not have an a o l of course you did Of course you didn't. You didn't have anything. So there was like this email going around, the youth group where it was like, fill in all your favorite this. It was like almost like a hundred things. It was such a long list of like your favorite color, your favorite thing to eat, your favorite,

not even thing to eat, like your favorite dinner, your favorite snack, your favorite candy, all these crazy things. And everyone was filling them out and then sending them to the entire group. like kind of like you know get to know you sort of thing well you in private typical cause fashion you sent yours empty to the group you did not answer a single question and you said um okay i want to see how well you guys know me so whoever so you guys fill it out whoever gets the most answers right i will take them out to lunch When I read that, I was like, boom, I got this in the bag because I knew that I would know all the,

well, not maybe not all the answers, but I know a lot of the answers because you had been like, I'd been studying you like a specimen for over a year. So I knew a lot of things about you. And so I filled out the email. I sent it to you and then I waited by the computer. And I waited for a really long time because you didn't. respond for like a month, maybe over a month, so long that I kind of forgot about it. And then one night at youth group, it was like a little after Christmas, it doesn't matter. It was way after Christmas,

but it was like in between Christmas and like the start of spring. So it was like February-ish or something. And you came up to meet youth group and you said, well, I guess I owe you lunch. I did not know how to respond to this. All right. So by this point, too, like, yeah, I was really into you. This is the end of, this is like the middle of my junior year at this point. So we know each other for like a year and a half. Yeah. And so by this point, too, I was, I was really into you. And so that was dumb. Yeah. Yeah. So next dumb thing is, you said, I guess, oh, you lunch and I'm like, what? And then

you said you got pretty much every answer right on my like email thing it's like in my head I'm like of course I did um but I had to like play it cool like I really did I realize um so you said why don't we so I guess we need to plan our lunch well I'm freaking out like straight up freaking out so I go home what I'm sorry it's okay it was a good this was like one of the good freakouts I freaked out a lot over the course of us knowing each other when I was in high school, but this was like one of the few times where it was pleasant. Um, so I went home because up until that point, I guess we should clarify this. Up until that point, like, I thought that I was like in love with you. No, now, now I know that that was not true. Like, I was a bit infatuated, but I totally did like you and like

to hang out with you. But I didn't really, I didn't know you well enough to be in love with you. Like, that was kind of silly. But I was. so, I was so into you and had, like, knew that you would never, ever be into me. And it was so impossible and it was so ridiculous. And I would come home from youth group on a regular basis in, like sobbing, like racked with sorrow. Because this man that I was so in love with I wanted to spend the rest of my life with as a 16 year old, would never even acknowledge me, would never, you know, at least you knew my name, but I felt like, that's as far as it's going to go. And I was so heartbroken. And I was so heartbroken, I tried to hide it from my parents, but like, oh my word,

mothers know everything. And mom totally knew, not only that I liked a boy, but she knew I liked you. And I don't even think she'd met you at this point. It was kind of crazy. I don't know how this happened. But she knew I liked you. So my parents knew what was going on. So I came home from when you said, I owe you lunch, and I said, okay, well, um, um, So, cause one, he's invited me to lunch. Can I go? And they kind of were like, I remember it was, it was at night when I talked to them because I was coming home from youth group. And so they were like sitting up in bed reading or something. And I went into the room to ask them. And they, and their room was really big at this house that we lived in. And so I was like at their door. And their bed was like way on the far side of the room. So when they leaned into whisper to each other, I couldn't hear anything. And they did. It was like they were like at a table in a courtroom. And they were kind of. And they were And it was like, and mom said, okay, you can have lunch with him under one condition. You have to tell him how you feel about him. You have to tell him the truth.

So that was crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Like what parent would make that like the thing? Like, oh, so this is like a, this is like an inappropriate relationship and you guys are going to have lunch? Sure, you do that. But then you also need to tell him how you feel about it.

But the reason she did that is because she was like, I'm so tired of seeing you so heartbroken. And if he does like you back, if he does like you back, then at least you'll know and we can move on from there. If he doesn't like you back, then maybe you'll be able to move on. Like either way, we needed to move on. Like something needed to change. So I told you like, okay, we can have lunch. And meanwhile, I'm like, like, dying inside because I have to tell you how I feel about you. Like, are you kidding me?

So we have lunch. It was like the first pretty day. It was after church on a Sunday. It was like one of the first pretty days. So I think it was like March. I feel like it was early March. And so I got in her car. And I remember feeling super weird being in her car.

And we didn't have like plans. or anything. So you're like, what should we do? And it was so pretty outside. And so we went to Brueger's bagels and got bagel sandwiches and we took them to a park. Now let's stop and just talk about this

brugers thing. Did you regularly eat at Brugers? I think I did only because that was like one of the cool places that my friends ate. I don't care about burgers. No, yeah. Okay. Because I'm thinking to myself, right now I'm thinking, man, like, I think I've been to Brueger's, like, to eat, like, maybe, like, maybe three or four times in my life.

Right. Including that time. Including that time. Yeah. I think the same goes for me. No, it was kind of like, there weren't a lot of places, like restaurants that weren't McDonald's. If you recall, like, there just weren't a lot of cool places to hang out like there are now. And McDonald's back then wasn't classy like it is now.

No, not at all. And so, like, Chick-Ciolet was the classy place to hang out. So Brueger's was, like, high school. Oh, and it was a Sunday. And it was a Sunday, so no Chick-fil-A. Yeah, so we had to go to Brugers. So we got Brugers' bagel sandwiches, and we went to a park, and we had a picnic, which I feel like was stupid move number, like, 17.

Yeah, this is having like a date. Yeah. And so we're sitting there having a picnic, and I am, I'm, like, literally think I'm going to die. Not just, like, the fake, literally the people say. Like, literally thought I was going to die. Okay, so to clarify, too, I think we had, like, gone. someplace because you had mentioned, I think, that you, that we needed to talk. I did say that.

And so I think because of that, like, I think we, it's not like. We couldn't go to like a pub, yeah. And so, I mean, it was like, well, let's, let's go and find a place to talk. Yeah. But someplace public. Right. Yeah. But we didn't have a whole lot of people around.

So we went. But at the same time, did have people around. Right. Right. Yeah. Right. So we went to this park, we're sent by the lake, eating our sandwiches. Like, I don't even remember if we talked to what we talked about before.

I don't know. Do you remember what you got? I got chicken salad. I get chicken salad on everything. I don't remember, but I would almost, like, guarantee I got chicken salad. Sounds like you need to go back to Brueger's son and find out. Didn't they close? What?

Yeah. It's like a minute clinic now. It's like an urgent care. Not like every Brueger's trying to. into a minute clinic. Well, the only one in Greetsboro did. Oh, there's, there are other bruggers. Where's another brug, okay, after we're done, you can Google where there's another brookers.

I, I don't think there's another brugers in town. North Elm. Well, we'll figure that out later. But, um, so I don't remember what we talked about. Probably bagels. Maybe bagels. Um, so then it's silent for a minute. And then silent for a couple minutes.

And I'm like, all right. I guess I have to do this now. Like, I have to say something now. Because, again, this was set up with the understanding of, oh, wait. I said something like, this is good because I actually need to talk to you about something. Which I think, I think that, I think you had mentioned that before. Yeah, I might have, yeah. Yeah, I think, I think that, again, that's, that was part of it is, it was like, okay, yeah, but, you know, we can go to lunch and, well,

We had to talk about stuff. Right. And so that's where I was like, okay. So did you know what I was going to say? Again, because at this point, you know, I was really into you that I kind of thought maybe. And again, this is those situations where you're reading into things. And so, yeah, I mean, I can't remember. I don't remember things as clearly.

But I'm guessing. It had to have at least crossed your mind. Yeah. So I say, and I do remember things clearly, I have an excellent memory. And so I said, I am really attracted to you. Attracted? Did you use that word? I think I said attracted, or maybe it was interested. It was one of the two.

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Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. But I feel like I said attracted. Do you not think I said that? I don't know. Okay, we'll say interested. We'll split the difference. All right. So I said, I'm really interested in you.

No, I did say, you're right. I did say interested because I said, because the second part was, and I feel like you're interested in me. I never would have said, and I think you're attracted to me. I never would have said that. So it was interested. I said, I'm interested in you and I feel like you are interested in me. And if you are not interested in me, then you need to start changing how you behave toward me because it's really difficult.

That's basically what it did. It was kind of like laying down the hammer like, dude, I'm 16 and you have to like realize that you're ripping my heart into pieces. on a weekly basis. And then it was silent. You were silent for like an actual

seven minutes because I could see your wristwatch. Seven minutes is an extraordinarily long time to be silent. But I just sat there waiting because my high school best friend is kind of at the time like she

communicated. We thought she might communicate similarly to you, and she is the same way that she has to process things internally. Whereas I'm an external verbal processor, but she was an internal one, and she kind of had to do the same thing. Like when we would talk about something hard, she would be silent for a little while, and so she kind of encouraged me to be patient. She said, you know, when you tell him, it could be that he's quiet for a really long time because he's going to be thinking, just let him think, just wait, it's going to be okay.

And I waited for seven minutes. And then, do you remember the first words that you said after the seven minutes? Well, first of all, I mean, I'm not convinced that it was seven minutes. It was so seven minutes. I mean, here's a thing. Like, I remember, like, skydiving and stuff, and it was, like, 30 seconds of free fall time and stuff. This was basically free fall. But it felt like I was falling, like, for a really, really long time.

like maybe seven minutes. Do I need to say again the thing that I could see your watch? And I was waiting for you to be silent. There's something called the parallax effect too. You know, where at certain angles things look like a certain way. Such a dork. And so, you know, it could be that there was a parallax of time kind of like, like, you know, when you're jumping out of an airplane and stuff.

And that 30 seconds of free fall, it feels like seven minutes. And so that's probably what happened. And I used to laugh at this. you would do stuff like this, I used to laugh. Because right now I'm totally, it's like all eye roll emojis, like major. Okay, so do you remember the first thing that you said to me after the seven minutes? I think it started with the words I wish, but I don't remember. No, it didn't start with I wish.

No. You said, when I think about my wife. My wife. Oh, man. When I think about my wife. What in the world? See, man, this story, I don't like sharing the story. That's what you said.

Because I just come across is so terrible. No, you don't. Oh, my word. I don't feel like that at all. I mean, seriously. And, I mean, like, yeah. You were just smitten. Yeah.

Maybe that's what it was. And see, that's the thing is that you are. So dumb. But see, that's the thing is I think you're such a smart person. This was like your one last. And judgment was with me. God's hand. God's protection. I mean, it is just crazy.

Yeah, for this whole situation it was. Because this is dumb. Yeah, it was really dumb. So dangerous and dumb. So boys and girls out there, don't be dumb. Don't be dumb. Don't, yeah, and don't, yeah. Don't use the word wife.

And, I mean, God, God, yeah, I mean, he does protect you and stuff like that. But, man, don't be dumb like this. Yeah. Yeah. We were, it was dumb. But the first thing he said was when I think about my wife, I think about someone who is a kindred spirit. Yes. And you're the first girl I've ever felt that way with.

Yeah. Yeah, I can see that. That's exactly what you said. Yeah. And I remember sitting there being like, okay, he just said wife. And he said something nice to me. I think this is going well. Like I was still, I still wasn't quite sure.

where where things were going because I had been waiting for so long. I mean, that's the thing is that I think, I think that's the thing is that like neither of us knew where things were going. Because again, things shouldn't have been going. No. And even, even in that conversation, you were like, you basically said, I don't want to do this. Like, you said that you did like me and that you said that you were willing to wait for me to graduate because we've, couldn't have a relationship like anything any like anything resembling a relationship until I was not only graduated from high school but like a summer after that when I was like out of the youth group

completely and that was like over that was like a year and a half from this conversation but you said by the lake with our bagels you said that you would wait for me if I wanted to but that you wanted me to not you wanted me to like go and and be a teenager and have other boyfriends that were my age and not waste my time waiting for you. Like you basically were discouraging me majorly to forget about you. And I was like, sorry, dude. It's too late for that. So, um, so yeah. So after that conversation, you, um, like, we had to like get things squared away with my parents, like tell my parents, you met with my parents and told them, you know, that you liked me and stuff. And I guess that was a little.

bit later. And then you met with the youth pastor who later married us. So that was sweet. But you met with him to tell him, you know, like you were, you were willing to leave the church. Like you were prepared to leave the church. So things, so nothing was inappropriate. And do you remember that how that conversation went when you told, when you told him? Yeah. I'm trying to think was that over bagels too? No, that was not. I think. that was just in his office no it wasn't it was over lunch oh wasn't yeah oh I didn't know that I always just I always envisioned this conversation in his office yeah I think it was at cloud nine like

like that yogurt place yeah like where yeah and like I think that's where ironhead is now but I think they have like sandwiches there I don't know if it was like always sandwiches too or if it was just I didn't know that this would be like the restaurant history of Greensboro it's just the sandwich the sandwich history. Okay, so you met with him. Yeah. And you said.

And so, you know, he's talking about planning for the next school year. And, okay, you know, what do you think about taking this group instead of the group that you have now kind of a thing? And I was like, okay. All right. Well, before we get too far into talking about the next school year, you know, and stuff, need to talk about this. And so I was like, you know, so I'm thinking, okay, well, I mean, yeah, I don't know if he wants to be around, you know, after you hear this.

So, yeah, let's talk about this first, you know, instead of just kind of talking about plans for this coming school year and stuff. And, you know, and so I think I said something like, you know, so I, do you remember? I think the phrase was I've become emotionally involved. with the student. Oh, yeah. Is that what it was? Yeah, something like that. And then...

Never the word emotional in it. You're emotionally something. Yeah, involved sounds right. And so it was like... And so there was a silence, you know, probably, probably 10 seconds. That felt like seven minutes. Which parallax felt like seven minutes. Yes, the parallax of time.

Right, okay. Keep going. And so after the seven minutes of 10 seconds passed, you know, it was like, what do you mean, you know, emotionally involved? You know, it's just clarifying, you know, and then it was like, okay, who? And then it's like, Kendra. And then, you know, he said, oh. Oh, okay.

Oh, that's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Like, oh, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, yeah. I guess, I guess, I guess, I guess, I guess, I can totally see that kind of a thing. Um, you know, and then I was like, uh, okay, yeah, well, I, I'll have to talk to, you know, other people in church leadership and stuff. And, um, yeah, and then I feel like we ended up going back to talking about the upcoming school year and stuff. Yeah, it, I remember it. The conversation was not, like it didn't seem, it wasn't as heavy as I anticipated it being. Yeah, yeah.

Like it wasn't the main thing. You all know. It was. I mean, it ended up being the main thing, you know, but, but yeah. It wasn't as dramatic, perhaps, as I thought it would turn out to be. Yeah. So then we, so that, you know, so after that. that conversation. So that was like towards the end of my junior year and then we basically just like

had to wait until I until the following summer at the end of the following summer. And so like every few months like it worked out was every like four to six months. And I don't know. I just remember it happening very organically and it was very, very quick. But every few months, we would be like the last two people like walking in a group from one location to another. Or we'd be like, we'd the last two in a room or like we'd be walking out to the parking lot at the same time or something and um and we would have these like quick check-ins where like one of you would say like are you still in are you still good or you something like that i remember one of them was are you still in and i was like yep are you and you said yep and that was it that was enough that was enough you know what it is

it's kind of like those secret engagements yeah i know that you you love your jane office and and stuff like that. And so, like, at least one of those, there's someone who's secretly engaged, right? At least one of the books, or is it all of them? I'm sure. I'm sure there's always someone that's secretly engaged. I'm trying to think of a secret. Well, Lydia, one of the sisters.

But it was secret in the sense that, like, they left. Like, they, it wasn't like they were engaged secretly and no one knew and they were still living their lives. Like, they just kind of up and left and had more like. like a clandestine sort of kind of thing. But there's one where one of the girls, like I feel like it's like a Winona Ryder kind of person, like she's into this guy who is actually secretly engaged to have a family friend.

Is it Winona Ryder? No, that's Gwyneth Paltrow and Emma. Emma loved Frank Churchill. Well, she didn't love him. She actually liked him more when she found out he likes someone else because she's flighty like that. But no, Emma was kind of a little bit digging, like a little flirty with Frank Churchill. And then she found out that, and he was kind of flirty with her back because he was, yeah, it was like a cover story. But he was actually secretly engaged to Jane Fairfax.

That's, that's, I think you're thinking of. I don't know. I don't think so. When I know a writer was in Little Women, honey. Yeah. She wasn't in any Jane Austen stories. But anyway. Yeah.

And so it's kind of like we were, okay, so now that we just spent 10 seconds or seven minutes on that, on that rabbit trail. Yeah. So basically, it was like a secret engagement. Yeah, it was. Kind of like in those old-timey books of Jane Austen. Right. Or is it Jane Eyre or I don't know. No, so Jane Eyre is Bronte, but that's fine.

fine. Yeah, so then we, there was a, the end of my senior year, the end of that summer. You came to my graduation. You saw me graduate, which was easy for you to do because a lot of youth group volunteers go to different kids' graduations. And I was not the only youth group kid from my high school that was graduating. So like it was, it was fine for you to be there. And then, but then at the end of the summer we had like an end of summer pool party and it was the last week for the seniors to be there and so that next day i was going to be a free woman and that was our first date actually the day before that actually the saturday before my last sunday was my sister got married yeah and i asked my parents if you could come to the wedding yeah because it felt because i was like i'm going to marry

this guy like i'm going to marry this guy and it just seemed kind of sad that just like a technicality of 24 hours would keep you from like going to my sister's wedding who would eventually be your sister. So you came to my sister's wedding. But that wasn't really a date. That was like a fake. Like a, that was a fake date. But our first real date was the next day, that Monday. Well, I mean, well, here's a thing, though.

You know, like, I went to the wedding and then to like. Yeah, you met all the family. The time after the way. Yeah, like super extended family, like people in from out of town and everything. Yeah, you met everybody, like, before we started dating. And so, like, the only people that I knew were, like, you and, like, your family. Yeah. And so then I was meeting your family.

Yeah, everybody. Yeah. Yep, that's true. Yeah. So, but then we had our first date, and, um, And then... And was that where... Um, the pasta with the tapasca sauce?

No, that was a different date. That was just when we were dating randomly. Yeah. No, because we went to... Okay, so we went on our first date. Here's just another Greensboro restaurant. We went our first date to a restaurant called Harper's, which is still exist. No, no, no, hold on.

We went to Harper's. Um, and I think you still ordered your like three cheese, sausage. pasta thing that you like. But that was not the only time we went to Harper's. We went another time. And that's when you asked for Tabasco and there was no top on it and you poured like half a bottle of Tabasco

into your pasta. This was a different because we were sitting by the window the first time. We were sitting by the kitchen the second time. We were in a different booth. I'm sure I got a salad the first time because you have to get a salad on your first date. Like that's just like rule number one. Yeah, you got a taco

salad. Yeah. A taco salad. See, I remember food. That doesn't count. I remember food. Yeah. Now I don't play that game anymore. Screw salads. That's stupid.

But yeah, so we started dating in August. It was August 12th was my sister's wedding. So the first date was technically August 14th. We were engaged the following November and we were married the following August. So that's like. You know, like the normal stuff. So it was two years. It was two years.

Of relationship. Yep. Yep. And we've been married. So I got married when I was 20. Did it feel like? Like seven years? Like seven minutes?

Did those two years feel like seven minutes? The two years were, um, how about our 14 years? It felt like seven minutes. It's funny because the two years, like you still, even when we started dating, you still were trying to get me to day other dudes. You were still trying to Yeah like even when I started like I went to college Like after like we had our first date And when I remember when I went to college like three weeks after that

You said and I still want you to know like you don't I mean I really want to date you But I want you to have a college experience And that is probably better if you're not in a relationship with somebody I want you to go and you know You were you were really trying to But you also had a A really positive

social college experience. And I was at my first college for three semesters. And I had great friends there. It was really fun. But like we would hang out on the weekends and stuff. Like I wasn't, I didn't hang out with a lot of college friends too much. Because you had a boyfriend.

Because I had a boyfriend. Who was in a different stage of life. Right. And in a different city. Yes. Different stage of life. You were 25. Yes.

I was a different stage of life. dating a 25 year old when I was a freshman in college like what is happening so those drives those drives to come see you if they felt like seven like seven minutes and oh my word um cause has very thematic humor everyone he will ride a joke not only until it's dead but it's like buried in the ground and rotting um yeah so we were in a relationship for two years and then now we've been married for 14 years. I have three beautiful children and, you know, like it's cool. Okay, so here's my challenge to you, Kendra.

Okay. I challenge you to cut this podcast down to seven minutes. That's actually funny. Good job, honey. That's a good joke. Thank you. Okay. So, and so you made like the most genius.

The most lazy genius move of your life and marrying me. You know, kind of thinking about it too, like a little bit earlier, just kind of thinking through things. I was thinking, you know, like, oh, one thing I was thinking was, you know, sometimes when you tell this story to people, it's like, oh, it's so romantic. And I don't think today's version has come off that way. But, you know, sometimes it's like, oh, it's so romantic. It depends on who's listening. Yeah, sure, sure. If high school girls were listening, they think it's romantic.

And I'm like, no, it's not. It was terrible. And so, like, thinking about romanticism, that's a form of laziness, you know? Romanticizing something? Yeah. You know, there's a fine line between romanticizing and hoarding, you know, like, kind of holding onto things. And that's kind of what, like, being lazy for me is.

Like, that's how, one way that I'm romantic is that, you know, a romantic. things and I hold on to things, whether it's memories or whether it's like, like a... T-shirts. Oh, yeah, sure. T-shirts. It's impossible to get this man to get rid of anything. Yeah. Because I romanticize things.

It's true. Or because I'm lazy. Right. It's kind of both. And so sometimes I'll just get rid of your things for you and not tell you. And that's what? Just once or twice. But there is a...

We'll come back to that maybe. But there is like a fine line between like romanticizing things like in a good way and being just straight, lazy too. Yeah. So I don't know. That was just a cluster I had earlier. Yeah. I just kind of thinking about. Okay.

We're going to share our story and oh, like sometimes it comes across. It's so romantic. But it's really it's about for me it's a story of just God just in his favor and his protection. and his just his covering over us amen yes

okay so I'm going to ask you things I ask all of my guests oh you didn't prepare did you I don't know what these questions are you don't I didn't tell you these questions no I'm so sorry are they the same questions that

that they use on that Bravo show inside the actor studio you're going to tell us your favorite curse word yes I guess yes isn't a curse No it's not You don't curse I do that for us

Okay so No your three questions are Nate Tell me something right now That you love Something that you need And something that you hate And you don't have to do it in that order

Okay that list went way too fast It's late at night here It is late Okay Love need hate hate need love need hate love whatever order you need to do it in

what's the first one that you can think of just so I don't have to edit out a lot of silence this is hard it's just sort of like you know like for people to get to know the the nuance preferences and stuff like that of you

like it's just interesting to know those things that come to your mind right now I love, I love you, I love our family. Yeah, I mean. No, no, I mean, seriously, like just, just, it, like, there are just times when I just like look at like one of our kids and like, oh, man. I mean, this is just where we are, this is nice, you know, and I just just love this and love being here and love home and like tonight, like praying with Ben and stuff, you know, just praying about our kids today. they went away, you know, and they, they had this, this big journey. They traveled on a train to Raleigh and stuff, you know, and I'm sure that, that, you know,

that was a big deal to them, you know, but then I was just glad to have them home and just the idea of home and our heavenly home, and that's kind of what I prayed for Ben tonight and stuff. Yeah, so I love our life. I love, yeah. You really should have been married to someone who's more sentimental than me. because I because I can hear the future collective

aws from people and I still love that you are that way but I don't give you awes I probably give you more eye rolls when you say things like I love you and I ask you what you love than I should

I hate you can't say you hate me though no no no never Maybe sometimes Never If it's a hate or a love Like

Okay Like this week You know I'm just reminded How much I love wearing my flip flops Because I hate wearing socks and shoes So Yeah You can say you hate wearing socks and shoes

That's fine I hate wearing socks and shoes And so I love that now that like the school year is kind of done that that I'm wearing my flip blops to work. Middle school casual. What about something you need? Something I need. Like right now, this whole time, like even before this we started recording, I was thinking, man, my throat is dry. And I feel like...

That's probably something you should have taken care of before you talked into a microphone for an hour. Yeah, and I've been thinking like my throat, maybe it sounds kind of scratchy and dry. So like I need something to drink. Okay, so, so like you've heard, like maybe the sentimental romantic stuff and then you've heard just my real practical. It's true. Which is usually kind of how I am. It is. It is very much how you are.

You have, those are the two main sides of your coin, I think. It's in their lovely sides. I'm really glad that you're those two things. What about you? Love. Oh, I don't have to answer. It's my show. No, but tonight it's about people getting to know you too.

So what's something that you love? Okay. Right now I am loving show club. It's like a book club. that I started, but for watching a show. First rule of show club. You can't talk about show club? No, this is one you can talk about.

It's like we're watching Lost. So I have a Facebook group that some lazy genius people, maybe even some people listening to this right now, have joined and we're watching Lost together. So we're watching like three episodes a week and talking about them. And it's just like I love that show. So my favorite shows ever. You're watching three episodes of Lost a Week?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So are you making people write haiku? No, I haven't shared my haikus yet. But yeah, I wrote a haiku for every single episode of Lost. Several years ago, I did this. But yeah, I'll share the haikus each week as we watch those episodes.

Okay. So you love Show Club. I love Show Club. I'm having so much fun with Show Club right now. How many times have you watched Lost all the way through? All the way through, I think only two, honestly. Now, I've watched seasons one, two, and three. I've watched season one, like, probably six or seven times.

What? Yeah. And then, like, progressively less with each other season. There are certain episodes that I've watched multiple times, like, um, like the constant, the one with, um. Faraday. No, with, um, well, actually, I guess he isn't a little bit. Is he not one?

Yeah. Um, but it's the one with, um, with, um, dead. And Pesmond and Penny. Penny. Penne. I've watched that episode a lot because it's such a good episode. And I'll like fast forward episodes to like different moments that I love and stuff. But yeah, I'm really loving show club.

I don't say anything. A lot of these people haven't seen the show. So I can't just say random things? You can't say random things. Don't be a spoiler. Here's a good line from Lost Army, D. Oh, wait, no. maybe that was Gilligan's Island

or maybe it was from something I need is for you to stop making jokes about islands do you remember like when we were early in our relationship like I would just randomly give you the black spot you would give me the black spot from Treasure Island

what made you do that I forgot about that it was such a weird thing I probably have a random black spot in like our memory box because you would you would just give me the black spot um because that's just awesome so something um that i need i need sleep because we have a baby so i feel like i'm always taking a nap beautiful beautiful baby and then something i hate um i hate don't trump i'm just going to say it i hate that man it's his birthday

today and he's in greensboro it is his birthday and he is here and i i mean i don't wish him ill i wish him not the president, but like, I don't hate, let me rephrase. I don't hate him. I hate the things he says. It's just, everything he says, it just makes me angry. So that's my current, my current hate. It's no fun. But, you know, whatever. I feel like several, um, of several of my guests, their hate has been some form of like political something. Because it's very, what was the, what was Was it the Donald, like on SNL many years ago? Was it the Donald Trump House of Wings? Yes, it was the Donald Trump House of Wings.

Donald Trump's House of Wings. And I think he was dressed in a chicken costume. Was that really Trump? It was, actually, because he did his face. He did like his badada, badada chicken wings. And then it's like weird smiley face that he does. So weird, right? Anyway.

So here's the thing is that I don't know quite how to end this. This, what are we doing? A podcast. Yeah. How do we end this? Because like, you know, like usually we just talk and then we just usually just end up saying goodnight and going to bed. Right. Right.

Well, this is like a show. And so I have, I actually have an outro already recorded. Okay. So you have an outro. for a recording. So we can just stop talking at any time and I'll just put music on underneath it. And then I'll start saying like, thanks for listening to the lazy genius podcast. But didn't you just say that?

I did. But I say it. I've already said it another time. So we can just stop. So if you don't edit out what you just said, then it's really going to confuse people. See what's happening right now as you're trying to write a joke? that might be working, but I'm going to stop you before you kill it. Is it dead?

So much for listening. If you want to connect with Kha's online, you can't. He's never on anything, which shouldn't surprise you. Thanks, honey, for coming on my show. We'll be back next week with my girl, Emily Freeman, talking about being a boss lady and working and being an artist and tons of other things. You can't wait. And if you are enjoying this podcast,

And you haven't looked at you yet. That would be so, so fantastic. We have just two episodes left of this first season. And I can't thank you enough for taking the time to listen. And thank you for being part of the Lazy Deans Collective. We'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that.

More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life? Because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.