The Lazy Genius Podcast - Bonus: How to Transition Your Routine From One Season to Another with Ashley Brown

Episode Date: July 28, 2022

It’s bonus episode day! Today, I’m chatting with routine expert Ashley Brown about transitioning your routines from one season to another. I love Ashley’s no-nonsense, yet kind approach to routines, and I hope you will, too! Helpful Companion Links Find Ashley online at routineandthings.com and on Instagram @routineandthings This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Save the Everyday with Amazon Hey there, you are listening to the Lazy Genius Podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is a very special bonus episode with routine expert and overall fabulous human, Ashley Brown. Ashley is the author of the Routine Building Handbook and is on Instagram at Routine and Things. And she and I have a conversation that is perfect for this time of year. how to transition your routines from one season into another. Ashley is no nonsense, so kind, so funny, and I think you're really going to love hearing from her. Enjoy. Hi, Ashley. Welcome to the Lazy Genius podcast.

Oh, thank you, Kendra. Thank you for having me. I'm super duper excited. I'm so glad. Why did I also sing that? Why do we do that? I do that with stuff all the time. I'm just like, and here we go. We have to add excitement and things. Yes. You're sing-songy voices. It's fine. Okay. So you guys,

Ashley is the author of the routine building handbook. We have a routine expert in the house today. It's very exciting. I want us to talk about how we can take this like end of July, sort of end of summer energy and not look so far ahead into the fall that we miss where we are, right? Because we want to be present with whatever it is we're doing. And also there might be some things that we can start.

doing now, all of the magic question. What can I do now to make transitioning into the fall easier later? And maybe one of those answers could be building a certain kind of routine. So I'm so excited to talk to you about this. The first thing we should probably nail down, though, this is a very simple question, but also like a really important one is like what exactly is a routine, maybe the difference between like a routine and a habit, because that's two different things, right? Yeah. But the big, the big idea here, for those who are familiar with the lazy genius sort of idea about routines, is that it's not really so much the like, I do this and then this and then this and then this, right? It is, where do you want to go? How do you want to feel? What is sort of the

the end result that you're looking at? And in your book, you talk about that. You talk about when you're building a routine, you want to begin with the end. right? So can you just share like from your own perspective like why it is important to begin with the end and then how that changes our relationship with the particulars of the routine? Yes. First of all, let me just say just the definition of a routine. And this is not, this is like standard Google and that's like a series of actions done regularly is a routine. Okay. And that's very different than a habit. A habit is something you don't really have to think about it just comes and you don't have much thought to it. A routine isn't that. Like you still have to

think about it when you're doing your routine. So that's the difference. Now, yes, starting with the end in mind is always the first thing. How do you know, like how do you know you're going to get how to get somewhere if you don't know where you're going? Like that's the big thing here. And like, I'm always, anytime I'm making a decision, especially about routines, I'm like, well, why do I need this routine. What is it going to do for me? What do I want it to do for me? And that can be a tangible thing, you know, like your morning routine. You could be like, okay, I want to be able to get ready in 25 minutes and like flat. Or that can be an intangible thing, like a feeling. Like I want to feel energized in my morning. What outcome do you want from your routine? Because that's going to decide

what steps you put in place, right? So if you are wanting to feel energizing your morning, what's going to help you feel energized? Maybe for you it's coffee. I know it's for me, right? Maybe for you it's coffee. Maybe for you is moving your body in some type of way. Maybe for you is scrolling on Instagram. I mean, no judgment here, right?

What's going to give you energy if that's the outcome you're looking for? And so definitely the particulars definitely change when it comes to your routine, depending on the outcome you're looking today. When you're talking about the morning routine, me think about, I did an episode ages ago about a morning routine. And my personal end goal of a morning routine is to slowly build up my energy for the day, like slowly enter the day, which is why I'm like, I am not going to do like, you know, body pump. It's six in the morning. That does not fit what I want. It's not that that's a bad choice. It's not that even moving my

But it's like my choice would be I might like sit still and meditate versus if you do want to start your morning like let's just hit energy like, you know, full throttle as I get out of bed, then body pump is a great, that's a great thing for you. But you're right. Like we don't know. We don't know where we're going. We don't know what to do unless we know where we're going. And it's such a simple, that's such a simple perspective that we all intellectually and intuitively

know. but we can sew in the weeds of living life that we're like, oh, wait, that's why that's not working. I don't want to feel super energized or I don't want to like be zen. I need to like get going. I got too much to do or whatever it is. So I love that. Thank you. Oh, thank you. You are speaking my language about the morning routine because that was my outcome too, Kendra was I want to ease into my morning. Like I'm not a typical like, yeah, I can get up, but it takes me a while to really wake up. Now, I may be up, but I'm not awake. Right.

That's a good difference. I like that different. So, and what's so great is that if you know the end, you can accomplish that end or you can experience, maybe accomplish. Accomplish can be like a tricky word for some people because it's too like binary. Like I checked it off and we're done. And it's, you know, it's rooted in your value and all these things that we're trying to like get away from.

But like if you want to experience this thing and you have say four or five. elements to that routine to experience that thing, you can actually focus on the experience and maybe be like, oh, I don't have time for the full get up today. I'm going to do one thing, but that thing is still taking me where I want to go. Like, I'm still thinking about that thing. So it's like it releases the pressure to be all or nothing with the routine where you have to do like all five things or it doesn't count. Like that's not how it works.

Oh, my gosh. your face, you're like, you're like so happy. Oh my gosh. How many times have I heard from women? I primarily work with women. How many times have I heard? Oh, well, how many steps should be in my routine? And do I have to do the entire routine all the time? And I'm like, girl, is your routine? No. Like where, like you said, where are you trying to go? What feeling do you want? What what do you want this outcome to be? And no, every day, if you don't get to your entire. routine, who cares? Like, I mean, like, this is your life. What do you need to do for your life? And if doing one step of your routine gets you to that outcome like you said, you did it, girl, you did the

badgone thing. Like, yes. Yes. Yes. As we say around here, and many people say, you're doing great. You're doing great. Yeah, it's so good. Okay. So I want to talk about the, kind of this specific time of year that we're in. So on page 50 of your book, the routine building handbook, you shared, you share a bunch of frequently asked questions and their answers, which I think is just so helpful because you're like, I got you. I know what you're wondering. I'm going to go ahead and answer this for you. One of those questions is, what are the signs that you may need a new routine? And you share three possible answers. One, that you are in a life transition, two, that your life or your home feels chaotic or off balance, and three, that you

have set a new goal. Well, the end of the summer, it definitely captures those first two things, right, that you're in a life transition and that things, I just feel like, I feel like summer just brings chaos just by nature. It's a very sort of welcome kind of chaos in many ways, but it's still chaos. And you're like, I don't want to keep this as we, there's a different kind of chaos when the fall comes when school starts or whatever it is. So what I would love to hear from you is like how, what are some things that we can do now? How can we imagine question us? What are some things that we can do now at the end of July, at the end of the summer to make kind of easing into those fall routines easier later? How can we set ourselves up so that we are

a little bit more prepared for that seasonal transition, but we're not so focused on the future that we're not experiencing where we are. Yeah, yeah. Because the summer, like you said, it is kind of chaos. It's welcome chaos, like you said, but it is. I know I get a lot more relaxed in the summer than in the fall.

And so what I can share with you is it can be really helpful to start to reincorporate your routines back in. And it doesn't have to be routines. it can be reincorporating a routine back in so that you're not kickstarting all of your routines at the same time when the fall actually sets in. So if you want, you can think about small ways you can do this. And it doesn't even have to be the entire routine.

It might be a part of the routine. So for example, meal planning. If you haven't been meal planning this summer, you've been more relaxed. You're like, you know, we're going to figure it out as it comes. Fine. We don't want to have that in the fall, man. I'm telling you. It's like kids being these activities, work picks up, so on and so forth.

And so meal planning, starting to incorporate meal planning back into your life now, a few weeks before things kick off can do you so much good when it comes to getting back into school and back into work really heavily. So that's one way. Also, maybe it's like you've been going to bed super late. You know, in the summer, sometimes we can get thrown off. we'd be going to bed around midnight, even our kids, we're like, hold on. Why does kids still up at this time?

Ashley, last night, last night. Now, we, at the time that we're recording this, summer is like in the very beginning. And my kids have like two days of school left, okay? Last night, I went out on the porch to take a phone call from a friend. It was 9 o'clock. My boys go to bed at like 9.30, okay, on a school night. And during summer, it's like, it keeps creeping up to 10, right?

I come back inside getting off the phone. It's almost 10 o'clock. my husband had fallen asleep on the couch and my boys were just playing video games. That was like, it's a school night. Like, what is it? We had already just been like, I mean, it's fine. Whatever. Right.

You just love your life, man. So like once you're like deep into the summer, you're right. Like it just, which is, I think it's really important to say you talk about this in your book a lot. I talk about this in my book a lot. Like there is such a deep, beautiful value in living in your season. And sometimes like actual calendar seasons, the summer has a lot of things that are annoying about it, but a lot of really beautiful things. Like we like, well, some people like the ease of it, like the relaxation and the, you know,

that you don't plan dinner as much and you're more loose about like bedtimes and stuff. Like it's just, it's got such a great chill energy. But like you said, that does not exist in the fall. Like that cannot happen. It's like, I love that. I love that thought of like, I'm going to let you finish. I'm sorry, I'm going to let you finish now. You were talking about going to bed, like, but that's a, it's, it's not that going to bed later or not meal planning or doing the things that we do in the summer. It's not that those choices are bad choices. Those are seasonal choices. And you're about to move into a new season. So now we have to start thinking about making, making different choices. Exactly. Right. Like I'm all for, like I'm, I'm doing the same thing. Like, okay, might not be meal planning. Definitely going to bed later. that's fine for now, but it ain't going to be fine when these kids get back into school, like not at all. So how can you then if you're going to bed late, what steps can you take in order to get back to a time that's reasonable? And that can be in increments, right?

Like working backwards in increments, like 15 minutes every two days. We're going to get to bed 15 minutes earlier until we work back to the point where is that a reasonable bedtime. So it's like these little steps you can take. It doesn't have to be. anything grand because you still want to enjoy your summer. You still want to be able to get that time with your family where y'all and like just be able to soak up this sun still and all of that jazz. But if you can put, if you can like reincorporate your routines little by little, that's going to be really, really helpful. And don't wait to the last minute to get everything for school. Like that be, my gosh, I'm telling you, Kendra, this was my first year, actually.

You're farther along in the game than me. But this was my first year doing like back to school prep. Oh, I made a whole bunch of mistakes. And I was like, it's not pleasant. I was like, wait, hold on. Like, we need to get this. And I waited to the last minute. And that's not usually my style, but I did.

And I was like, never again, never again. I'm going to get little things like little by little. Yeah. We'll be right back. Aw, isn't something we need to travel for. It's something. for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast.

Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. I think that when you were talking about, you know, starting, essentially to start small, right? To start small with like adding, adding things in a little bit, bit of a time. And even that, I mean, this is a, this is an audience that tends, their default is all or nothing, which I think that's, that's the case for a lot of us, right? It's like, I have to get it perfectly. I have to get perfect or it's just, we might as well quit. It's that lazy side

or genius side. And there is something in us when it comes to small steps and time management, that what we do is it's like we see the next, you know, month, let's say, before like school starts and, you know, you see this like big stretch of time in front of you. And it's like we're trying to put the same outfit or the same contraption or the same machine or the same single thing on that whole stretch of time and automate it perfectly because it feels like, um, like we're in more control if we like, okay, this is how we're going to do these days and this is how we're going to do this and like we try to create the whole thing. Even for people who are like, no, no, no, we don't make big machines anymore. We're lazy geniuses. We start small. There is still this like energy in us.

It's like, I have to figure it all out. I have to have everything written down. I have to have everything in a certain order or it's not going to work. And I think that what we're both saying here is that like, you can make a decision in the moment to be like, you know what? I'm going to choose what we're eating this morning instead of at five. We're going to do that today because I'm going to want to do that more in a month or so. So we're just going to do that today. Like it doesn't have to be like super organized or even written down or plan. I mean, sometimes that can be helpful, but that's not a requirement for it. I just want there to be like so much more elasticity to how we experience that. That it's like every day is not going to be the same. And one, you know, big machine choice is not going to

adequately apply to the rest of the summer. Like, I just want everybody to just like, take a deep breath, just to relax about this. Like, you're doing great. You're going to be fine. It's also kind of an unreasonable expectation for us to think that our lives are going to be seamless with no friction ever forever. You know, like, things are going to happen. I've talked about that in a lot of recent episodes, actually. It's like our hope is that we're making a thing a little bit easier. Like that's it. Exactly. So it is. Just one a thing at a time. That's all we're doing. Yes. And that that is very hard. Like I'm definitely like a recovering perfectionist and overachiever over here. So it can be hard, but I've learned from like stumbling and falling down

so many times. Girl, take a dag on chill peel. Like you got to relax a little bit. I learned that for my husband. I learned that as being a nurse. Like you have to sometimes make decisions in a moment rather than planning out every detail of your life. That is not, to me, that is not healthy. Planning out every single detail because you send yourself into a whirlwind when it doesn't come to fruition, when it doesn't happen as you thought it would happen. Yes, do I love to plan? Yes. What else do I know about my plan? That plan can get thrown out the window in a hot second. I also know that. aware of that. So I'm okay with it being thrown out of the window and me being like, ooh, I have to make a quick decision right now. Or let me just redo this plan really quick for

the day, not for the entire week, just for today. Let me redo it. So it can be hard, but I think if we realize that it being all planned out isn't what's right. It's a thing that we can do, but it's not the right thing to do. It's about you, how you flow, your natural tendencies, what you need for your life at any given moment. And it's okay for plans to change. Oh my gosh. Yes.

Yeah. It feels like, I mean, really what we're sort of talking about is trust, right? That you're trusting that in the moment you can make a decision. And that we also can trust that there's more than one decision for any situation too. There's not one right decision for very few things have like a definitive single decision. And so, you know, just that's why I actually really love that the word elasticity came to mind. It's like, we're just like we're moving and stretching and we're going to be in different shapes, but like it's, we're still us.

Like we still have the same components and we're still the same person, but we can trust that we can like, we can do this. We can transition through this. or we can feel overwhelmed and not lose our minds. Or we can see, you know, a certain kind of overwhelm and go, you know what? I think that I might be able to make this decision. Maybe add this to an existing routine, which I want to talk about existing routines in just a second. But like maybe I can add this one step here.

That might make this a little easier. Let's give it a try. As opposed to everyone, attention, family meeting. Like, this is what we're doing now. Like, it doesn't have to be so intense. And I say that to myself because I am like always intense. Always. So it doesn't, we can trust ourselves with those choices.

And I think that that is sort of where you were, that's a version of where you were going where it's like it's not even good for us or right for us to plan out every single thing because it takes us out of the situation. It like makes everything about control than about trust. And that's not who we want to be anyway, right? Exactly. Oh my gosh, Kendra, that's beautiful. I love that you brought up trust because trust is a huge thing. Trust just intertwines with our life and how we move. And I think if we can build that self-trust and we don't feel like we have to be dependent on a plan, dependent on a list. It's like if I get to it, I'll get to it. If it's important enough, I'll get back to it. It's not that it's what are you doing in your routine or in this planning or whatever it is. It's where are you going. what are you wanting to experience? What are you wanting to feel? Who are you wanting to be? And so you can make a list, but I think we know the difference. I think list makers unite over here. It's like if I know when I'm

making a list and I'm trying to grasp for control as much as possible versus, oh, my brain is like so crazy right now. I need to do a dump. I need a brain dump this all out so that it has, it's got a place now. And then I can just like move on with my life and be present. You know, like there's a different energy in that. So it's not so much about like, do you make a list or not make a list? Do you have this particular routine with these particular steps or not? It's about the end. It's about the end and how you're wanting to feel. It's about the experience or the feeling or the consequence or whatever. So I want to, I love, you talk about the difference between restrictive actions and flexible actions. And I loved this so much in your book when you're talking about developing a routine. So can you just

share the difference between restrictive actions and flexible actions? And maybe give us some examples as people are thinking about this. Yes. So when you're building your routine, you do have options. You can either keep your actions restrictive. You can have them to be flexible. You can have a combination of both. It's up to you, right? Because for some of us, we're going to need more restrictive actions based upon who we are,

what we need in our life for others. We need more flexibility. And so a restrictive action is like a fixed action, like something that's not easily changed. An example of this is read book. That's a fixed action. Read a book. Now, you can choose what book you read, but you're still reading the book, right? Really fixed. Or you can have a flexible action. And this flexible action means that it can be easily changed. An example of this is read. That's it. Right. Right. Right. So. So you can read a magazine, you can read a book, you can read a caption on Instagram.

Read is read. That's a flexible action. And so some other example, which is, I say this because like I said, for each of us, we are all different. And some of us in certain seasons need restrictive actions. And some of us need flexible actions. and when we make, when we're in a season where maybe we do need more flexibility or where we as a person, our natural tendency is to be spontaneous and not so planned out, right? We need that flexible action.

And so, and another example would be, let's say you're a morning routine. You want your, a restrictive action in a morning routine would be do yoga. All right. Yoga. That's all you're doing in your morning routine, right? Or you can make that flexible and just say move my body. And so you can choose what you want to do. And really it's all about is your action very specific or is it more broad?

And that can be really helpful depending on your season of life. I love the differentiation of those two. And I really love that you can have. It's not that like one like even in my own head, I was like, oh, flexible actions are so much more positive than restrictive. restrictive ones. No, they're not. They both count. You can have both together in the same routine, depending on your season of life, like to name that sometimes what matters is a lot more structure, is a lot more direction in some choice that we are making because you know that if you

give yourself more or maybe even someone in your family, like if you give a lot of leeway, actually what's going to happen is nothing. Because what you need is the specificity, right? Like if I say, to my kid, clean your room. Like that, you could say that that's restrictive, that's not flexible, but actually in his mind, that is flexible because what is clean mean to him? Whereas if I'm like, restrictive action, put away seven things. You know, like, no, he needs that. He needs it to be restrictive in that way. And we all need certain things like that. So I just, I hope that that that, I know that people listening, like that's such a beautiful lens, a beautiful tool to think, like, oh, maybe the reason I'm not doing this is because what I chose already is too restrictive.

Or maybe the reason I'm doing this is because I'm giving myself too many choices and I need to add some restriction. So that's so good. And we adjust those things as our season of life comes in, which leads me to my last question as we come to a close is that, you know, I feel like a big part of this space is, you know, I want people to feel empowered. to make practical choices that work for them. And, you know, we're not like, we have to get things done. We got to be people, you know, just to be like, you're doing great and then not give any tools

is an incomplete message, right? But we also need permission. That's a huge part of this community, is just to give people permission and what you're doing to do what makes sense for you. And so just from your own, you know, just from your own voice, like what is a piece of permission, maybe specifically, we are moving again from this end of summer into the fall. Like what is a piece of permission that you would like to offer the folks listening as they think about this routine building process? That's so good, Kendra. I would say the piece of permission I want to give you as you transition into the fall

is to take it step by step. And I know we talked about that little by little though. like it's okay to do things little by little. It's you're not a bad person because you're not doing everything to the T and crossing all the T's and doting all the eyes. And it's okay to chip away at your to do list little by little. It's okay to get back into routine, the fall routine, little by little. don't overwhelm yourself with thinking it has to look a certain way when you jump back into the fall it doesn't think about what you need like we've been talking about the entire episode think about what outcome

you want to have for transitioning back into the fall what steps can get you there so that's the permission that I give you that's so good I love that you just said don't overwhelm yourself like we do that so so easily oh yeah easily i was just like thank you for telling me that ashley i needed to be reminded to not overwhelm myself because it's so i mean i think that's that's a thing that's so important is like we just think we think everybody else has stuff figured out we think everybody else knows what what they're doing that everyone else's life is just like running on autopilot and we're the ones that are flailing and it's just not true like it's i'm I think that more important than even some of the tools and like specific things that we've

talked about today, I think that the thing that can actually carry you and help you continue to feel more like yourself are those broader intangible things like trust, like going slow and starting small and little by little and relaxing about it and remembering that like we're not trying to make everything together and perfect and just like I just think about we what we want is to press a button and for everything to just roll. And we think that other people are doing that. We think that that's how other people are living their lives because it's like we're, it's like a confirmation bias. We're sort of looking for it when we are observing other people. And it's like, well, they have that figured out. And they're doing that this way. And she seems

really calm. And we're on the inside, I think we're all like kind of freaking out. And so maybe the goal here and routines can sort of help do this from the outside end. But really the goal here with all of this is to think about like how can we rest on the inside here. How can we relax on the inside, trust ourselves with what's going on. We are capable and competent in making these decisions one at a time. Nothing is going to explode because we haven't figured out our morning routine yet or our kids are like tired going to school those first few days. Like you're going to, it's not going to be seamless or automated. Nothing is really ever. So just to sort of have that expectation, not in a, not in like a, well, ho-hum, I guess that's how it is, not in a like a

defeatist way, but just in a very human, like this is what we're all doing. This is what we're all doing. We're all experiencing this. And the more that we can model that for other people and for ourselves, where we're just like relaxed and we're good with, not just settling okay with, we're good and happy with little by little. And we're not going to overwhelm ourselves with this. It doesn't do any good. It doesn't do any good. So I love that phrasing. Don't overwhelm yourself.

It's so good. Yes. Don't. Please take it easy. Everything you said was beautiful. I think that we have to really be easy on ourselves. Like, we put so much pressure on our own selves. And for what?

Like, for, I mean, for what? Like, life is, man. Right there, everybody. Oh, my God. Life is, oh, man, life is short. Life is beautiful. Like, why are we putting our pressure on ourselves? Oh, my God. When I released the pressure from worrying about what my mother was going to say when she came over my house and dishes in the sink, honey, freedom. What my friend was going to say when it's toys on the floor, I don't give too sense. Like, this is my home. This is my life. What the teachers are going to say when I don't bring a dish to the class thing, I didn't have the time, sweetie. I'm sorry. Like, Right? Like the pressure of it has to be this way and I can't be human. No, we're human. Like we're not going to always have things in order. And that's the beauty about life too, because it's really you can discover a lot in not having things in order and you can learn so much about yourself in that. So good. It's so good. You guys, if you would, which not if you, I think

because you want to get to know Ashley more and kind of learn from her. Can you tell everybody where they can find you or maybe the best place to start with your work? Yes. So you can follow me at Routine and Things on Instagram. That's where I hang out the most or visit our website, Routineand Things.com. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for coming on. This was so great. Thank you, Kendra. This was awesome. Thanks so much for listening to my conversation with Ashley. Remember you can find find her on Instagram at Routine and Things. And I really hope that more than anything else we said today that you walk away with a little more courage to trust yourself, to trust your ability to pivot, to make decisions in the moment, to rely less on a mechanized routine and more on the

humanity behind it. It was so great having Ashley and I hope you enjoyed this little bonus episode. Until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra and I'll see you on Monday. Have you ever felt like you were living just a bee or beef? plus life, it's so dangerous to live that, more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life, because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to

Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.