The Lazy Genius Podcast - BONUS: Lazy Geniusing Advent with Tsh Oxenreider

Episode Date: November 12, 2020

In this bonus episode, I talk with Tsh Oxenreider about her new book, Shadow and Light, that walks us through Advent in the most Lazy Genius way possible. It gives us permission to engage in the season of Advent without pressure or performance. Helpful Companion Links Get your copy of Shadow and Light by Tsh Oxenreider Visit Tsh’s website to get a peek inside the book and for other Advent resources like her playlist and weekly art pieces You may like Tsh’s podcast, The Good List, and her newsletter, Books and Crannies This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi there. You're listening to the Lazy Genius Podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is a bonus episode with Tish Oxen Rider. Tish has a new book that walks us through Advent in the most lazy genius way possible. Her book, Shadow and Light, is simple, beautiful to look at and full of permission to engage in the season of Advent without pressure or performance. In this episode, she and I talk about. about if there's a wrong way to celebrate Advent, how to engage in the season, if you're the only one in your family who's into it, and how our intentions around the feeling of the season are way more important than the doing. It's such a rich 20 minutes. So here I am talking to Tish Oxen Rider,

talking about Advent, the season of shadow and light. All Advent really is, is a preparation. And it is a separate holiday from Christmas. That's interesting only really when you think of Christmas as 12 days. and not December 25th, which that's another topic. Regardless. I forgot about that.

Where are the 12 days go? December 25th is day one of Christmas. Historically, it goes through January 5th. The thing that's helpful to remember about all this liturgical calendar of recognition is for those of us who are Christians, we're not doing it because somehow God wants us or needs us to. This isn't like we're making God happier by keeping Advent separate from Christmas or thinking of Christmas as 12 days. It's for us. It's a gift to us. So the historic liturgical calendar is actually a gift to us.

It gives us permission to not be overwhelmed by all the things holiday related all at once to where we can actually slow down and enjoy them. And so that to me is why 2020 is such a great year for this because so many people are just like chomping at the bit to get going on the holidays simply because in a year of uncertainty, which is the cliched term, right, in these uncertain times, there's something really reassuring about knowing. At least 2020, we think, will end with the holidays, unless the meteor comes, which, you know, of all years, it would be this year. It would be. We most likely will end with New Year's Eve. We'll see. But there's something really reassuring because nothing else is certain. I hadn't really thought about Advent being a gift before or even just the 12 days of Christmas in Advent.

I hadn't really thought about that because it does sometimes feel, yeah, like not something necessarily we have to do to. earn the love of God or whatever. But there are things that we sort of put on ourselves that feel like, oh, well, I should do this. Like, this is just, this is the thing that I should be doing. When really, if we reframe it is, oh, no, this is a gift of slowing down. This is, it can look like the way that you want it to, et cetera, et cetera, which I guess kind of leads me to this question. So because Advent is a longer season, because a lot of people celebrate it in different ways, What is your advice for people who feel like it's just too big? It's too hard to define it for themselves. It's too many decisions to make in a year. You know, like, I've never done that been before. Like we have never actually really, not never. That's not fair. I feel like we've done, we've celebrated Advent on purpose a little bit last year, but we didn't have candles. I don't remember anything about it. Like I feel like, you know what I'm saying? It's not, for a lot of us, it's not become a regular thing. And so because it does feel like such a long seat, we don't really know what to begin. So what is your advice for, what's your advice for me?

And people like me who are really in some ways sort of just starting with it. The encouragement I'd like to give people who don't want to do Advent simply because it feels like too much is, first of all, I get it. And secondly, that to me is why Advent is a gift because in my experience, recognizing Advent isn't adding more to my plate. It's giving scaffolding for the things I'm doing anyway. So we're not adding. more to our holiday routine of, you know, baking and cutting out paper snowflakes and the kids wanting to watch Elf a million times. All those things that are typical, all it's doing is providing some kind of framework for it so that our insides match what we actually really truly want.

Like, I don't know how many times, this happens to me every year. It's about December, like, 16th, 17th and especially my youngest will say something like, eight more days till Christmas. And he's saying it with joy in his heart. And I hear utter panic. Like, oh my gosh. No, I don't know. You can't be serious, but you're right. And there's something really childlike about the idea of anticipating Christmas that we have forgotten as adults that this is a thing to look forward to. So many of us just kind of hunker down and like bring it on and just hope that we can survive it. And so Advent, with its scaffolding of recognizing little, almost like stepping stones to Christmas every day allows us, especially as parents, to join in with our kids who feel that anticipation,

to stop and feel it with them. Because I don't, as a family, I don't add more. In fact, what became the impetus of me writing the book I did started several years prior when we decided to start recognizing Advent and I was searching far and wide for something that didn't add more to my plate. I didn't want to do anything else new, like really and truly. And the candles were about the most I could add, really. And so that's why I did what I did, because most of us do not have time. And the other thing is, there's a lot of really great well-meaning traditions, especially when you have younger children at home, such as the Jesse Tree. That's just an

example that a lot of people know, and I'm not throwing Jesse Tree under the bus. But one of the issues I had as a parent with it is that I want to do it, but then we try it. And, let's say like the next day we have somewhere to be some kind of holiday event and so we don't get to do it that means we're a day behind and then the next day we have an exhausting evening so they just need to go to bed without us doing anything now we're two days behind and that would happen every year we're like before i know it we were 11 days behind and it just felt like a mess and nobody's enjoying it and we would have to take two hours to do it i wanted something that was literally like you open up a book you do you know the reading you light a candle you you light a candle you you're you're you're going to take a candle you're you're you're you listen to a song and that's it. And if you have to skip that day, no big deal. You just move on to the next day and you haven't missed anything. So that to me is why I like Advent because it doesn't add more to my plate. Well, it sounds like what you're saying is maybe a lot of us have had in, well, a lot of us,

me have had in my head that there's a wrong way to do Advent. Like if you don't do it the right way, like if I didn't like candles, is it really Advent? If you don't do the Jesse Tree, is it really Advent? Is it like, it's almost like what is really Advent? Because then you see, Sephora has an Advent calendar and I get a sample every day during Advent. And it's like, wait a minute. Is that?

So because it's so broad, I think it's just really easy to feel like, am I miss? Like, what is the core here that I'm missing? Is it just paying attention? Is it paying attention with this particular thing to pay attention to? Like, I think because it's been, I don't want to, again, I don't want to throw cultural appropriation under the bus either, but I think because it has sort of been appropriated by pop culture in some ways, not that it's lost its power. I think we just miss it sometimes, especially if we're new. And so, you know, never practiced as a kid or celebrated as a kid. It's just we don't really

know what it really is and where to begin. So it sounds like what you're saying is it simple is really good. But is there a wrong way to celebrate advent? Like is there a, Is it really just about the heart posture? Or is it, that's a legitimate question. Like, I actually don't know the answer to that. Sure. You know, and it's a great question because most people have it. So you're not alone.

I mean, if we're going to take it a little step deeper, historically speaking, Advent, which you're right, has been largely co-opted by our, just commercialized culture. Advent has been largely named the already not yet season. And what that means is, if you think about what we're anticipating, we're anticipating, yes, Christmas Day, but what is Christmas Day about the arrival of Jesus on Earth?

Well, those of us in the present day, 2020, that happened 2,000 plus years ago. So we're not literally anticipating Christ's birth because that already happened. So we're remembering what it was like to wait for that and what it must have felt like to have to have to trust God that one day he's going to do. what he said he did. Part two, the not yet, is that we remember during Advent that we live in between the two comings of Christ, for those of us who are Christians. So the idea of Jesus coming on earth, several millennia ago, we also believe that one day God will write all the wrongs that we see on earth. And so we lean into that anticipatory feeling of things are still not great.

and we actually look around and recognize that. And I think that's where our culture forgets the actual meaning of Advent because what we want to do in Christmas is just sort of paint red and green over that. Like, no, no, no, no, no, this is a festive time. We want to have the lights and have the baked goods and have the fun movies. And Advent invites us to delay that to actually Christmas tide, the 12 days of Christmas, and to remember that there are still shadows that were not in full light yet. And so, like, in the writing that I did in the book, it's a lot of like, where are things hard right now and what are you going to, like, what are some ideas you can do about that in your family, you know, it being another reason 2020 is such an apropos time because you actually get to park and think about that. And so Advent, sometimes it's called a mini lint in some traditions because you're actually being invited to think about how things aren't great.

And so a lot of people do actually simplify and slow down the process with that in mind, you know, thinking about the darkness into light with Christ coming and the darkness into light with Christ coming again, if that makes sense. So it really is a posture. So to answer your question, yes, it's a posture, mind, body, soul, spirit, all of it. But it's not just in a, just slow down. You know, it's actually with something in mind. Aw isn't something we need to travel for. It's something waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast.

Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. So, okay, what do you do? do when, because I hear what you're saying that it's not just, it's not such a clear cut. Like, you're not allowed to have fun before Christmas Day. Like, it's not, it's not really that. But what does it look like practically if our, if our heart posture really is towards seeing Advent as what you just said of seeing the shadows and naming them and being in a,

in a heart space of it's not all been made right yet and but it's it's also and it's an invitation to be in that in that place and that tension in that lament in some ways um but also it's not calling us to like just a sad four weeks of December especially when most people that we know the it's Christmas it's the day or two after Christmas is when everybody's like I'm out we've we have we have partied and we are done. I have a birth. My birthday is December 27th. Right. So like I get the post, I get the Christmas like, I'm out and then I also get, but we're so tired. And I'm like, that's my birthday. What are we going to? You know, so anyway, it's just kind of this, um, like how do we hold even that tension of when we have our own heart posture of seeing that shadow, but when we're

invited into doing sort of light things with other people in that. time, like practically, what does that look like? For me, I have found, because we've been practicing Advent as a family for probably five, six years now. And so I have experienced that whole, like, we're the only ones that think about this until we started going to a liturgical church where it's just the norm. But before that, that was definitely the situation. We were the weird ones. What I have found is that it's really helpful to remember you do you in the space that you can do you. for us means home. So we practice Advent in a really practical way at home and we totally give grace upon grace with all the friends and family and neighbors that we love who don't see it that way

because it's perfectly fine because Advent is a gift. It's not a dogma. You know, God needs us to do X, Y, and Z. So practically speaking, that looks like stuff like we get the tree early on in Advent, but we decorate it slowly. So we might have it up for a bit and then we string the lights on and then we just leave it for a week. And then we start decorating it a little bit and then a little bit more and a little bit more to where by Christmas Eve it's fully decorated. And the enjoyment of that is you're getting to see Christmas coming a little bit at a time. And the kind of PS bonus is that you're not tempted to just take the tree down on December 26 because you just want everything clear and cluttered. You're just now enjoying a fully decorated.

a treat. And you keep it up through the end of Christmas on December, I mean, January 6th. So that's one way we do it. We do a lot more Advent music listening as opposed to Christmas music listening in our house. And so like I've got an accompanying Spotify playlist for this book that's full of Advent music. And we just have that going on. That does not mean we cover our ears and go la la la la, whenever we're in the coffee shop and they're playing Frosty the Snowman. Not at all. We totally still enjoy Christmas out in the world. That's just because reality, right? We can't just be in a little bubble and do things our way. I mean, I actually say in the book, like, don't be that person, the person who's going around, like, don't tell me Merry Christmas. It's not yet, you know, don't be that person.

And basically, enjoy it the way it works best for you. Do the things in your home. And then just let the world do its thing. And so, you know, we'll do things like delay a few movies till Christmas tide, some of the movies we love the most, but we'll still watch, you know, some of our favorites beforehand. It's not a big deal. It's so much more apostor thing. So that's the gist of what we do. That makes a lot of sense. Because you're right. I love what you said again, that how quickly do we turn it into a dogma? How quickly do we turn it into rules to follow? Yeah. As opposed to a gift to receive. We just do that so quickly. So I really love that. I want to, I want you to actually like tell us, tell us about the book,

Like what's in the book and what can we expect from the book because you've hinted. So I would love for you to tell us about the book. But I would also love for you to tell us in the context of most of the people listening, a good percentage of my audience are people with families and people with kids, especially young kids. And okay, so here's the honest truth. I really enjoy walking through Advent alone. Like I really, really like doing Advent on my own. and trying to kind of convince the family when they're sort of, they don't have a lot of enthusiasm about it or a context for it.

Or can we talk about as you describe what the book is, what shadow and light is, can you sort of describe a little bit? Like, how can we talk about Advent with the people that we're living with when there are varying levels of enthusiasm and interest, et cetera, et cetera? Because part of me is just like, hey kids, Christmas, December. And I do an advent. I go through shadowing light on my own. But I also don't want to, I don't want to do that either. I want to, I want to have that, that regular practice of our family of at least knowing exists and what that means.

But it just, again, it feels so big to just sort of begin with the kids. So 100%. Yeah. So I think for me, it's helpful to kind of backtrack with a little foundational idea. I'm a big believer, especially around the holidays. it is that our kids remember so much more about how our homes felt than about the specific traditions or specific gifts they got or the specific things they did at any one day. So when you think back to your Christmases, you know, if I were to ask you, what was your

favorite gift you got for your ninth Christmas? You're probably not going to remember specifically, but you might remember like the smells and the sounds of your house or how it felt. And so to me, as a parent, that is my chief objective when I think about memory making or tradition upholding with my kids. It's not to be a stickler about the things that don't matter, but also not to stress if they don't seem to care that much about certain things. We do them anyway because my hope is that putting little deposits in their bucket mean that whenever they become adults and they walk away, they can look back and they have a bucket full

of happy or just pleasant associations with that thing. So that to me involves Advent. I, it's okay with me if my kids don't 100% understand maybe the theological doctrine, the deeper stuff about Advent. If they just associate that this is our way we're delaying the excitement of Christmas at certain ages, that's okay. I will say from personal experience, my kids are now, I've got an almost 16-year-old, which is crazy, all the way to a 10-year-old. None of my kids really seem to truly get into Advent until about age 10.

So I just say that as encouragement that it's okay. So part two of that answer. When I wrote Shadow and Light, I wanted two, like there were two key things I really wanted in the book, actually three, two and a half. The first one is that I wanted it to be ecumenical, meaning I wanted Christians from all sorts of traditions. So whether you have, you're totally brand new to Advent and that you've never even heard the word all the way to, you go to a Latin Mass at your Catholic Cathedral.

I wanted everyone to get something out of it. Part two. I wanted a book that synceding. with no children and parents with babies could enjoy and grandparents and everyone. I wanted a book kind of for everyone, even if they don't use every single part. And then kind of part two and a half, I found that a lot of books that were maybe options for our family were so kids-centric that to me it kind of watered down the message and it always had crafts involved and I'm not a crafty mom and I always just felt this like oh no I have to

now they're telling me to bake some kind of ornament in the oven and I just didn't want to do that I just I'm great with providing like craft supplies and nodding with excitement and hanging on fridges but I don't want to orchestrate anything so I didn't want anything like that I'm also big into music and art and so I wanted something that was really tactile or not tactile sensory in that way So the way I crafted shadow and light, it's all based on the book of Psalms or different Psalms. And the reason is because the Psalms are a great place to park when it comes to us wrestling with the hard stuff and the good stuff. We see Psalms of praise and Psalms of, you know, whatever you, what's the opposite of praise? Lament.

Thank you. I was like, what's that word? A dirge? I couldn't remember. Lament. And so in Shadow and Light, we go through both. It's not just all. Yay, Christmas is coming.

I wanted something really short. So the book, like each day's reading can be five minutes or less if you wanted. Yet, if you're doing it alone as an adult, you can park and ruminate for hours. I've got one question at the end of each day or at the end of each reading. If you've got kids my age, you could actually bring those up. You could say, you know, where did you see God today? Or in what way is God calling you to serve the orphan and widow this Christmas? If you have two, three, four-year-olds, don't bother asking them that.

You journal that yourself. or you just mull about, you know, mull over it that day. Then you can light a candle or you light a candle before you start the reading. If you want, if you don't, that's fine. And then I've got a song and a work of art for every day. And it's all on a website that you literally just go to and click play and click the link and you can look at that art. And I encourage people, if you're overwhelmed by the thought, choose to.

So if you do the reading and the candle, and that's it. That's fine. If you do the reading and the song, that's fine. If you light the candle and look at the art, that's fine. To me, don't feel overwhelmed because it's a gift. And so basically do as much as you want to do with your kids, knowing that what's most important is how Advent feels to them, in my opinion, when they're younger, and save the rest for yourself or don't do it all on don't sweat it.

Yeah. Yeah. That's such a good answer, Tish. It's such a good answer because it really, it just feels like a deep breath that we get to do, I mean, obviously, this is a space where I want people to do what matters to them. And thinking through it through that lens of just choose to. Like what a simple, that's just such a simple choice. And the choices are simple on their own even.

Like the two things, it's not like you're choosing two really complicated things. Like you're choosing two really simple things or however it goes. Like I love that there's such a, it's almost, maybe this is not a great word. But it's like customizable. But in a good way, it's personal. It's like a very versatile, personal way of looking at it while still sort of being part of that, that through line that we're all experiencing because it's the same posture. So I just love that so much. Okay.

So obviously, I love the question. Tell us where people can find your book. I mean, people can find your book wherever they find books. But like what's the best way for people to experience your, like to get it in their hands and experience the whole thing? Shadow and Light Advent.com is the one place where it's linked to all the places you can buy it. and has all that art and music I was talking about. So that would be the place you bookmark to get all the things that you want to use with the book. So shadow and light advent.com is the easy way to put it.

Perfect. Yeah. I'm so excited. Thanks. I can't wait to read it during Advent. And it's just going to be, it feels like just the kindest companion for a person who is new to it, a person who has been experiencing and practicing it for a really long time. It just, and I love, I didn't say this before, but I just really love that you're using the Psalms as a lens for it.

Because I think even when we think about Advent, we think New Testament. We think, I don't know. Like, just so that it just, it like deepens and rounds out the story even more that you're using Old Testament text. And I don't know. It's just, it's very, very exciting. I'm very, very excited. So, well, thanks for being here, Tish. It's so good to talk to you.

Thanks for having me. Thanks so much for listening to my conversation with Tish. If you are a newbie when it comes to Advent, that's okay. Like I said in this episode, last year was really the first year. I really truly celebrated it. Advent really, it just means arrival. We're waiting for the arrival of something. It's a season of intentional anticipation.

And Shadow and Light is such a beautiful book to help us walk through that. You can access all of the music and art, Tish already mentioned, as well as by the book at shadow and light advent.com. And seriously, this book is stunning. You will love having it on your copy table. And if you enjoy Tish in this episode, I know you'll enjoy Tish like on her own podcast. It's called The Good List.

You can also sign up for her newsletter, books and crannies, and see all of Tish's other books and blog posts and podcast episodes and everything good at her website, Tish Oxenrider.com. I'll put a link in the show notes in case you don't know how to spell Tish Oxonrider. And please get a copy of her book, Shadow and Light. I don't recommend things unless I really think they're worth your time and money, and this book definitely is. Okay, that's it for today. Thanks for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. I'll see you on Monday. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life?

It's so dangerous to live that more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a B minus. a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A-plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.