The Lazy Genius Podcast - Bonus: Moms Don't Have Time with Zibby Owens

Episode Date: April 21, 2022

Zibby Owens joins me for this bonus episode where we talk about what can be helpful and enhance our lives as moms who read. Even if you’re not a mom, this episode has practical tips to make time for things that matter to you. Helpful Companion Links Find Zibby online and on Instagram And check out her podcasts (that share a network with me! We love Acast!) This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There's more to life than finding the perfect car. But finding the perfect car can help you get the most out of life. Like the SUV that handles everything from drop off to off road, and the car that hulls groceries and hockey teams, or the van that's gone from just practical to practically family. Whatever you want, wherever you're going, start your search at autotrater.ca, Canada's car marketplace. Hi there. You're listening to the lazy genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is a bonus episode and it is a conversation with the host of moms don't have time to read books, Zibi Owens. Zibi is a mom of four and also runs a media company that includes podcasts, publications, a publishing house and a huge book-loving community. Today, Zibi and I talk a

appropriately, perhaps, before we get into the summer, about what can be helpful and enhance our lives as moms who read. Now, if you are not a mom, this episode will likely still be interesting to you. But Zibby's perspective is trying to optimize her time so she can do what she loves, namely, be with her kids and read. Also, be sure to listen like all the way to the lovely point that she makes about midway through the episode. She talks about bringing her kids into the things that make her feel like herself. It was a really memorable moment for me. So I hope it is for you too. And here you go. Here's my conversation with Zibi Owens. You are a big time book influencer. You guys, Zibi is the host of moms don't have time to read books. And I see your posts and how you are

sharing lists for us to read on Good Morning America and all of these different places. And it's so, and then you interview all these authors. And I just think, like, that is such a great name for your podcast that moms don't have time to read because I don't even know how, I don't even know how you do it. I don't even know how you do it. I want to ask you not how do you do it all because that's not a real question because no one does it all. But here in this space, we talk about how we can be a genius about things and how we can be lazy about things. And there have to be things in your life that you have said, you know what, I'm going to put my time into this. And then other things you go, I'm not going to care about that as much. And I would

love to know what some of those things are. I am a genius about sort of making the most of every second, like maximizing time, efficiency. And I focus a lot on that. So I feel like I've got that one down. Do you find yourself like trying to find new ways to be efficient? Or do you have that down? Like what does that look like for you? I'm always looking for new ways. And then I get super excited when I find them. So I work with a woman named Chelsea who is like a master at efficiency and so I'm always learning from her. So she recently taught me to put some frequently, things that I frequently email as a signature in my emails. It's changed my life. Oh, that's fantastic. It's so fast. So now, like I'm always offering like, here's where you just send a galley

or whatever. So now just that one line is a signature and I can just put it in. That probably cut your inbox time by a great percentage. So now I can focus more on the pitches. Anyway, I'm always looking for things to make things more efficient and how to do everything better. So, yes, I'm continually trying to optimize that. What's one of your favorite ways to optimize your time? Setting alarms.

I set a lot of alarms. Actually, recently I've started using Siri a lot more. I know I'm a little bit late to this. but sometimes I literally have to say I'm doing emails for 30 minutes and then I have to stop. So I'll be like, Siri, set a timer for 30 minutes. So that's one of the things I've been starting to do lately. If it makes you feel any better, I only use Siri when I accidentally activate her. I still don't know how to really do it on purpose.

I know. This is literally my first time. I mean, I had another computer in here for a while where I was trying to do podcasts around the room in different places. And I would say something to Siri here. she would like start playing a song on my computer behind me and I was like this is terrible. Terrible. I don't know what I'm doing. Why is it? Why is Siri supposed to be so, you know, easy to use and I can't seem to master it. But now I feel like I've finally mastered it and it's actually

super helpful. That's awesome. I do that too. I think without alarms, we can just go without boundaries around what we're doing. We can just fill all the time with things that don't matter quite as much. So that's such a simple one that I think a lot of people are like, really, I have to set alarms or I have to set timers. And it's not that it turns you into a robot. I say that a lot. Like thinking about your time in an intentional way, it's not trying to make you less human. It's trying to give you chances to become more human because you're spending time on things that matter to you. And then you can move on to something else that does when you're done with that one thing.

I think it makes my anxiety. My whole life is sort of an attempt to diminish my anxiety in various ways, shapes. or forms. This whole podcast is actually, my whole podcast is like a one way. I manage it. But I think having a time limit makes it feel like, well, okay, I can't get through all my emails, but I can hack away at them for half an hour. And that'll make me feel better. And I'll get a lot done in half an hour, as opposed to, oh my gosh, I'm never going to get it all done. So it calms me down. It doesn't make me feel like a robot. For me, it works. But maybe not for everyone. Exactly. That's totally true here is that not everything works for everyone. But what can work is

thinking about what you're measuring because you're measuring, I'm spending this amount of time on this thing, not I'm going to get through the entire inbox because that's unrealistic. Right. Yeah. Yeah. What about something that you are lazy about? What are some things that you have been like, all right, we are not going to optimize that. We're going to let that go. Well, unfortunately, I've chosen my health and body to be really lazy about. Last year, I swear I probably worked out like 10 times all year. But I reached a point over the holidays where I realized I just could not do this anymore that it was actually really, really not a good thing. And it was affecting my health in negative ways. So while I chose to be lazy about fitness and not even fitness,

just like getting off this chair, I might sit here. I might do this today. I might just sit here for like nine straight hours. So that's something I've been lazy about. I'm actually. I'm actually I'm not particularly proud of the things I'm lazy about, but yeah, I was pretty lazy about that. And I got kind of lazy about my photo albums being organized. So I've now outsourced that to my son and I'm paying him per album. Oh, that's fantastic. You guys, normalize paying your children to do things you don't want to do. Oh, he's delighted.

Yep, he's delighted. What else have I been lazy about? Oh, you know what I'm really lazy about is sitting thank you notes? I have basically decided to stop doing that, which is horrible. I don't think it is. I'm going to say I don't think it is because we can show gratitude in different ways. We can show gratitude to people in different ways. That is there is such a, and this is such a perfect example, there is such a, there's a lot of baggage tied to the word lazy.

There's a lot of negative connotations attached to that word. And so when we are presented with the question, what are you lazy about? you're like, oh, we see it as, what am I bad at? Or like, what am I, what should I be better at? And I think that there is, there has to be room for us to be able to go like, you know what, I really can't do everything. Like it's impossible for anyone to do everything. And while certain things we do want to care about and prioritize, there are different seasons for those. I think that a lot of us in, in last year, for the last year, especially, because we were home a lot more, it seemed like the best time for us to take care of ourselves more because we were our mental health was

suffering. We were home. We had more actual hours in the day. But somehow, because I was the same way, somehow my body was like, hey, we don't know how to move anymore. We don't like it. It's a it's, I know that it affects your mental health in a positive way to move your body. And I experienced that. But also there was like, I'm still unpacking this mental wall. almost this emotional wall that I've hit in my own movement, there is something about moving my body and trying to like make it healthy that is negatively impacting my mental health too. It's a weird thing. And I'm trying to figure out like, do we have guilt about not doing things or do we have freedom and not doing things? And there are certain things that we might feel

guilt about not doing. And maybe that's maybe that's good sometimes because it shows us what really matters and how we might need to shift some things to make something work. But on the other side, I think we have to experience freedom and letting some things go to because we just can't do everything. And I think thank you notes are one of those things. Like some people love sending them, write them beautifully. They care about them. It's a priority. It fills them up. It's good. But it doesn't have to be the case for everyone. You can show gratitude to people without sending them a written thank you note. Like there are other ways that you can do that. And so I want to just like affirm that choice. You don't have to feel bad about that. I'm not writing thank you notes. Yeah,

there was a woman I interviewed on my podcast a while ago, whose name I'm blanking on because you interview a lot of people. No, usually I can pull them up. Maybe, maybe her first name is Pamela. But anyway, she has this whole concept of mid-max, mod max min. And like, you can spend all your energy on making your kids' birthday party, like fantastic and amazing, or that you can choose to spend the minimum and you can call a place and be like do everything i don't even care i'm just going to show up with my kid and like for everything you do you get to make that choice yes so that was sort of freeing for me to be lazy which is min for me right so i used to have beautiful i have some stationary in here somewhere i'm also lazy about organizing i couldn't even find i'm not even

going to open this cabinet that would be it's in there somewhere and i used to take pride in that But you know what? I can't. So that's going to be a bid for me is these things. You know, it's, yeah. So one question that comes up a lot, especially with moms. And obviously you speak like all of your, all of your things that you have have the word mom in the title. And so that that is something that matters to you in many ways.

And one of the things that comes up often when I'm talking to moms especially, because of all the care that goes into being a mom is we feel guilty about resting. We feel guilty about doing things that. fill us up personally. And sometimes we don't even know what that is, what those things need to be. We don't even know what makes us feel like ourselves as a mom and separate from being a mom. And so I would love to hear from you, maybe even some of the steps that you have taken, some of the journey, that's what that's looked like for you of like, how do I feel like myself as a mom, if there have been some stages of that, or specifically what does?

What does make you feel like a person? Yeah, I've thought a lot about this over the years. My older kids, I have twins who are 14 and a half. And then I had a big break. And then I had an eight-year-old and a seven-year-old. And my parenting approach has completely shifted. I actually, I told me one of my younger kids the other day. I was like, I feel like I have your grandmother.

What did that younger kids say to that? She laughed because I was like, you know, with your older brother and sister, I did everything like buy the book and whatever. And then I was so excited when you guys came along that I was just like, you want to watch TV? Sure. I'm just so excited to be with you. So I have a very different approach. But that also, you know, answers your question in part two because when I was mothering essentially my older kids, I was at home and I decided like I was going to do that as best as I could.

I was going to do every bath and everything and da-da-da-da. And I did not make time for me. I forgot what made me a person. I really lost a lot of my identity and it was terrible. I felt like an injured athlete or something. I had all this energy and brain energy and everything and creativity and all this stuff that's underneath that I just wasn't expressing in any way, except for a freelance article now and again.

And it really got me down a lot in a very existential, fundamental way. It causes depression, honestly, when you have no access to that. So I did it all differently with these new kids. And even though it wasn't that many years in between, I was able to, you know, I did get divorced in between after I had my last kids. And so I've had the ability to start a whole new life in every way. but it's so central to be a good mom is what I've realized. And even though I would hear that before, like, you'll be a better mom if you pursue your own interest.

Like, I didn't listen. I was like, no, no, because I've chosen to be a mom full time, full stop. So I can't possibly do any of that other stuff. But now, my kids know me really well. Like, they'll listen to my podcast. And they know me as a person. Yeah, they're like so into everything I'm doing. and it's just really exciting.

So it helps me be a mom. I think it helps them. It also gives them more role models, right? They see me working all the time and something I love. And my work is how I am a person because this is my passion. So and even the reading, all of that. It's all linked up. Yeah, yeah.

I love that they listen to your podcast. That's the sweetest thing. I don't know that I've ever really thought about bringing your kids into, inviting them into the things that make you feel like yourself in that way before. That it's, I've always seen it as a little bit more separate, you know, that you have to find ways to feel like yourself alongside being a mom. And for some people, actual mothering does make them feel alive. It does make them feel like themselves.

And I think that's important to name. You're right. You're absolutely right. That every experience of motherhood is very different in that way. And we want to honor all of those things. What I often would miss in conversations around mothering is what if what makes you feel like yourself does not involve mothering. How do you handle that? And so I've always kind of seen them as like running concurrently. And I think you might be the first person who has brought them together. And it's just like, yeah, your kids know, like this is your work is a huge part of who you are and it it's that they know you like when you said that my kids know me really well it's like what a beautiful what a beautiful thought that our kids do know us well and that we can kind of lean into that we don't have to apologize we don't have to go mom has to go and do our own thing and be by herself for a little while like we don't have to make it a song and dance it's just we're existing with them and sometimes it is a closer witness and then sometimes it might be a little bit more separate but it's just a there was a beautiful simplicity to what you just said.

and it's making me think about the things that I do myself to feel like a person and how I can invite my kids into that a little bit more than I currently do. Amazon presents Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa, whether it's Verde, Roja, or the Orange One. For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habaniero? More like Habinier, yes.

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I'm like an open book with them in a way. And by the way, I didn't mean to suggest that mothering doesn't also bring me immense joy. It does. It was just at the exclusion of all else. Yeah, it was a detriment to me. But I love my kids. I love kids in general. I was like a babysitter and a camp counselor.

I mean, I love kids. And I love my kids. And I love spending time with them. But when I bring something to spending time with them, it's much more interesting than when I just show up on the floor with nothing to say or do of my own. So they'll come in. They'll do podcasts with me. If I'm doing a workout, because now I finally am on a health kick or something, they'll do the workout with me.

Or I'll put it on. If I'm reading a book of my own at night when they're falling asleep, I often just read them a page or two, which by the way puts them to sleep really fast most of the time so I try to just be really transparent like here's what I'm reading here's who I interviewed today look here's the book and I think it what what we do or certainly me with the book always a book angle it's so tangible yeah I'm not making financial models like I probably should make more of this with my publishing company no I'm kidding but I don't know I think it's so obvious. They read books. They understand books. It's like the most easy to understand things. So

yeah, I think it, and even the writing. I read my articles and my essays, not my articles where I recommend books, but when I write personal essays, which I do often, I read them to them. So two nights ago, I was on the couch with my daughter and I wanted to write a quick essay about being overwhelmed my emails in case anybody else is feeling that way. And I would read it aloud. And then we would like, no, that doesn't sound good. Let me read it to you again. And she's like, okay, we'll tag my phone case. And I'm like, okay. And so we did it together. And then it came out. And she's like, yay, it looks great. And then she gave the title for it. She was like, let's call it. Swamped. And I was like, great, let's call it swapped.

Anyway, all to say, I think there is a way that I, at least that I have found a virgin. I love that. I think that offers just a really lovely invitation for people to just start paying attention. You know, you don't have to create a system for it right away, but to think, like, how can I invite my kids into more of who I am? I think that's really lovely. As we close, because you do talk about books so much, I would love to hear from you why you personally think that there is value for moms to read. And I feel like that's kind of a, maybe a question, a simple question with an obvious answer. But just last week, I was in a conversation with some women and one of them said, I really want to read more, but I think I read three books last year.

And I just don't know, I don't even know where to begin. Like, it feels like a waste sometimes. Like, I think that there's a, there's an intellectual part of us that knows like, oh, yes, reading is good. Reading opens your mind. Reading is entertaining. Reading is whatever. But the connection from that, like, intellectual understanding of why it's good to read books doesn't always come through in our day to day. And so I would just love because you are the expert at this if you have words for moms in particular who like literally don't have time to read. I get it, first of all. I see so much value.

And I would say to those moms to start small, like start with an essay, start with listening to an essay, right? It doesn't have to be a whole book, although I think books are great. But like I just, I have these two anthologies that I edit in. And the most recent one is moms don't have time to have kids. You can read one of those essays in the anthology a night for a couple months. You'll finish the book. And it's only two to three minutes.

And it's a complete reset. And I'm not saying this to try to like gratuitously sell copies of my book. No, I have that book. And it's fantastic. Yes, it's fantastic. And I feel like I can say it's good because I didn't write it. It's like I aggregated content from people who have been on my podcast. But start with something.

like that or be you know i think the community aspect of reading is really essential so reading with a friend reading in a book club reading on an online book club um to have deadlines i i like to have deadlines for everything so if someone's like just i should try to read more this week this year that for me would be really hard to accomplish but reading the rules of inheritance for the book club on january 11th like that i can do so i would say if you're the type of person who need some structure and guidance join a book club. I have an online book club if anybody wants to join it. But find somebody who you like their taste and you're a couple friends from school or something. So that's more like the how. The why, which is really what you asked, I think there are so many things competing for

our attention at all times, whether it's Instagram or TV or our kids or whatever. And you can always be multitasking while you do all of those things. I think reading is one of the only things that I can't do anything else. I am sitting there and I am reading. And it blocks everything else out just enough to get this complete shift in my mindset. I can be stressed out and I've had the worst morning, which often happens. And I can skim, you know, three chapters of a book. I'm like, wow really that guy became a tuba player and he grew up homeless you know what I mean seriously and then i can go back to my own emails being like wow i'm i'm inspired by somebody else's story that makes my day totally different so I would say to moms it's the empathy piece it's the reset it's a

relating to other people um it doesn't have to be super literary you don't have to read books that you feel like you need to read to impress somebody, forget it. Like, if you want to read trashy romance, go for it. Like, those are great. So the value of books that I think nothing else can give is this complete mental immersion. Anyway, I think it's a great reset. And you can bring it. You can do it anywhere.

You don't need a special outfit. You don't need any prep time. You don't need a special outfit for reading is going to be my favorite sentence that we just from this episode. Right? Like, forget it. You need yoga clothes. You need everything. It's so good. Zibi, thank you so much for being with us today. It's been great. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. Thanks, Kendra. Thanks so much for listening you guys to my conversation with Zibby. I hope you walk away with a nugget about how you see the word lazy, how you integrate yourself into your relationship with your kids if you have them, and why you read. Also, big thanks to Zibi for

powering through that with a cold. And we've could have gone a little longer, but like many moms, she got a call right at the end of what you heard to come get her kid at school. Like very, very real life. But Zibby interviews a ton of authors on her podcast. Moms don't have time to read. So if you love author conversations, you will really love her show. And thank you for listening to this one. Until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. I'll see you on Monday. Have you ever felt like you were living just a B or B plus life? It's so dangerous to live that more dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life because when you're living a B or B plus life,

you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way. We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcasts.