The Lazy Genius Podcast - Bonus: Your Holiday Horror Stories

Episode Date: December 23, 2021

A few weeks ago, I posted on Instagram asking for your holiday horror stories. You know, that time you tried to be either super lazy or super genius during the holidays. Here’s a collection of stories for solidarity and encouragement right before the holidays.Oh, and for me, it was the time I had a few friends over for a holiday party, and I thought one was supposed to make a cheese tray for this kind of party.⁠⁠ So I placed Saltines and folded pieces of actual American cheese on a platter and thought I was Martha Stewart. ⁠You guys.⁠ YOU GUYS.Helpful Companion Links - Missing out on the Instagram party? Follow along @thelazygenius. This podcast is hosted by Kendra Adachi and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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presents Laura versus fruit flies. Swarming your fruit and terrorizing your kitchen, these little freaks multiply at a rate that would make a rabbit say, yo. Chill. But Laura shopped on Amazon and saved on cleaning spray, countertop wipes, and fly traps. Hey, fruit flies, your baby boom ends here. Save the Everyday with Amazon. Hey there, you are listening to The Lazy Genius Podcast.

I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is a fun bonus episode in case you need a laugh. It's your holiday horror stories. I am guessing that we always think other people know more than we do, that other people don't mess up in big ways like we have, that other people know how to take the baggie of turkey organs out of the turkey before you cook it. But I asked y'all to share your holiday horror stories with me on Instagram.

And today I have a lovely collection. Why am I sharing them with you? Sometimes we just need a good laugh. And we also need solidarity in knowing we're not alone in trying things that don't work, in messing up big time, in attempting very genius ideas on a lazy budget. Again, cooking the turkey with the organ bag still in it. So this quick episode is just a funny reminder that we all mess up and that we're all okay, even when it happens. So let's jump into some of your horror stories. The first one is from the American field trip, which is actually a really great account to follow, by the way. I love them. Here's what they say.

I tried to host Thanksgiving dinner a few days after my daughter was born. And then a face palm emoji, which, by the way, is a super accurate emoji for that decision, did not delegate at all. Husband and I made every dish. Then I spent the eating portion of the day. Also, I need everything to be called eating portions of the day now. I spent the eating portion of the day sobbing on the bathroom floor, hosted again. the next year used our out-of-town neighbor's apartment for the extra oven and ended up locking the cooking turkey

and the spare key inside. One very expensive locksmith visit later, we rescued the turkey and everyone reported that it was only a little dry. Oh my gosh. So I love this so much. This is two separate holiday fails. One was just like hosting Thanksgiving days after you had a human. I'm going to just tell you that's never a good idea. Like on any planet, is that ever a good idea? So just go ahead and put that in your decide once list. I will not host anything after having a baby. And then the second thing is that you walked your turkey into a bar of it. I'm so obsessed with that story. And then it was like, it was only a little dry. You can imagine a lot of like shrugging of shoulders at the table. Like, yeah, it's not that dry. Sentences going up in a in tone at the end. Oh, I love that.

Okay. The next one is from Emily Fogarty. That time I convinced slash forced my friends into a holiday cookie exchange while pregnant, even though I hate baking. Again, you guys stop making decisions when you're pregnant or just had a baby. It goes without saying this is a good time to try out a fancy recipe from the magazine that convinced me this was a good idea in the first place. My husband came home from work to find me in tears in the kitchen several hours deep into a baking disaster. He actually loves to bake and took over the kitchen while I laid on the couch ordering pizza. I feel like that is turning a genius situation. into a lazy genius situation.

You gave it to the person that matters, and then you order pizza because you're pregnant. Of course, that's what you're going to do. Well done. The next is from another Emily, Emily Hosa. Tried to go genius and tried a new recipe for a Thanksgiving side this year. Several days later, it's still in the fridge.

How many of you did that? Show of hands that I can't see. How many of you made a recipe for Thanksgiving that was new and then it was garbage? We have this expectation that we need to make new stuff for celebrations. but like so much of the new stuff does not get eaten or you don't try it first and the new stuff's just like not great. So I don't know. Are any of you like rehearsal people where you rehearse a recipe before you serve it? Some people are good at that. I'm just like I'm going to make things

that already know I like. But good job trying Emily Hose, trying a new recipe for her Thanksgiving side. I love that it's still on your fridge. Next one is from a dot pragit. Sorry. This person says, my dad numbered all the presents, I'm assuming Christmas presents, and numbered all the Christmas presents. So my sister and I wouldn't sneak a peek. And then he lost his list. It was a Christmas that we never forgot. There were a few of these.

There were a few of these like elaborate systems to get kids from, to keep them from opening their presents. And then it backfired. Here is another one actually. Let me go find this other one. That was a Christmas present fiasco. Okay, yes, I found it. It's from Trista Coupe.

Trista says, one of my favorite cringy Christmas memories, my mom likes to reuse boxes and bags for Christmas gifts, which is typically genius. I wrapped my son's video game at a Pop-Tart box once so he couldn't guess it from the rapping. One Christmas in the mid-90s, my mom wrapped my cousin's new outfit in an old Super Nintendo box. It was not supposed to be a prank. She just didn't think it through, his excitement changed to disappointment so quickly. Oh, this is sad. Poor Trist's mom. Tris' mom is working so hard to make things like fun and creative and also, you know,

like cost-effective by saving packaging. Oh, we just don't think about that. That's a rough one. Here's another rough one. This one is from Kelly Meyer. Kelly says, I invited people over on Christmas morning for brunch and was trying to do as much prep as humanly possible beforehand so that I wouldn't be stressed that morning. I mean, that's a really good

like lazy genius approach, right? Got my French toast casserole and my egg casserole all prepped in their nine by 13 pans, got their eggy mixtures and separate bowls to pour over right before the oven. Last minute, I poured the sweet egg mixture over the sausage egg casserole and the garlic egg mixture over the French toast casserole and didn't realize it until we dug in. See, I just, this is a real. reminder, you guys, even when you do things, like ahead of time, when you think it through, when you're trying to batch stuff and compartmentalize stuff in a really good way, going in good orders, magic questioning things, things still mess up. Like, we're going to mess stuff up.

It's really, really good to give ourselves some permission and laughter after the fact. I'm imagining there wasn't a lot of laughter in the moment because that was probably a lot of effort and it's really sad when our effort is not like rewarded. But Kelly, I'm really, I'm really proud of you for probably continuing to host even after that's over. Now, this one is from Lindsay Maldolph, who definitely took the genius approach, like, pretty strong when she did not have genius skills. And this is something that we all do. If any of you have read my book, The Lacey Genius Way, I tell a story about trying to make French toast. casserole, like stuffed french toast for a staff meeting, it didn't go well because I didn't know

how to do it. And basically all I did is took wonder bread and like put cheese in the middle of it and then stacked the bread on top of each other in the oven. Like there was no butter, there was no egg. It was just like it was like cheese sandwiches stacked on top of each other. And I served it. I served it. So this particular horror story reminds me of my French Toes story a little bit. So again, Lindsay says, my first Thanksgiving with my husband and in-laws and five new coworkers. Also, like props to you for inviting your co-workers to Thanksgiving, I decided to make my grandma's legendary dressing. Also, I had never cooked before. I didn't even know the basics. I boiled the eggs for the dressing. My mother-in-law looked over in horror as I tried to slice them,

without peeling. I thought the shell got soft and absorbed into the egg. I didn't know you had to peel them. I'm now very confident in my cooking skills 15 years later, but I started at the very bottom. See, we all have a place to go. We all can go up after situations like French toast and unpeeled eggs in dressing. Lindsay, I love that one so much. We'll be right back. Aw, isn't something we need to travel for. It's something that. waiting for us in everyday life, whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art. I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the Science of Happiness podcast. Join me for Cities of Aw, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public

life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. Okay, I say the best ones for the second half. This is from Laura Cohen, 57. That one time I grabbed the wrong lidded ceramic container for a holiday girls night instead of the spinach dip I made earlier in the day I brought leftover sourcrow. I really I really wish that all of these moments came with video evidence like in the moment it happened just to make us all feel better. It's such a good one. Tara J. Hart. That time I made a beautiful cheesecake using salt I thought was sugar. There were a lot of these like missed ingredients like somebody brined a turkey instead of an apple cider in apple cider vinegar and basically pickled their turkey. Like, you guys, we all do it. We all do this.

This one from Ashton Rose cued. Ashton says, our first married holiday season, my wannabe food critic in-laws came to our house. That sounds like that's probably not very fun. While I was at work, the outlet our crock pot was plugged into, shorted out, thereby ruining the roast I was cooking and leaving us with nothing to eat. We attempted to salvage things with dessert, a she cake I had topped with homemade icing. The moment I sat it down, our cat jumped up on the table, and stuck his face in it. I mean, seriously, videos. Guys, we need videos. This is too amazing. Brack, Rach, Rach 10, I'm guessing that's what that Rache is. Rage 10 says, I cooked my first turkey in the plastic it came in. Apparently, you aren't supposed to do that. So my question for Rachel, so you didn't season it or

you just, like, cooked the turkey. There's no salt or butter or herbs or anything stuffed in it. I'm very curious about that situation. Oh, that's so good. Okay, this next one is from Cindy Bowers. Cindy says, we were having our family's Thanksgiving feast on Saturday. So I decided I'd be super smart and beat the crowds by grocery shopping after Thanksgiving. So they were having the Thanksgiving to Saturday after Thanksgiving. Yeah, I showed up bright and early at Walmart for cranberries and celery on Black Friday.

Poor Cindy. That's a rude awakening. Mr. Orange Crocs said, we wanted to have Christmas Day just to ourselves for once. So we invited the family to Christmas Eve dinner. No one understood that we had planned, what we had planned, even though we were very clear. And naturally, they all showed up the next day, too. Best intentions, man. We try so hard. We do. We try so hard. Mandy White 17, no, 77, says, while home from college, my dad and I made our first genius attempt at deep frying a turkey. Thanksgiving looked different that year as my brother was recently divorced

and my mom was already trying extra hard to make the holiday seem as normal as possible. When my dad lifted the turkey out of the friar and sat it on the tray, it literally turned to ashes. We had bologna sandwiches for dinner. Such a good punchline. A.K. Mills 612. Y'all, you're not ready for this one. Our first Christmas together, after we got married, we were living 12 hours away from all family with zero vacation time to travel home. So we cat sat for some new friends while they went out of town for Christmas. Their cat died two days in and we couldn't get in touch with them. I had to take the poor cat to their vet's office so they could hold it in the freezer until the people returned from their trip. It was the traumatic as a 22 year old new wife and friend to these people.

I had to call my dad for a moral support on the drive to the vet when we were finally able to get in touch with them. They weren't very surprised because the poor cat was old and had been acting strange. Definitely something we laugh about every year now, but it was not funny at the time. No. Can you imagine, can you imagine pet sitting and the pet dies on your watch? That's awful. That is awful. This one is not awful. This one's hilarious. Alpine Flower says, the last Christmas party I hosted in 2019, well, that was the last of many things for many of us, wasn't it? I texted my friend to get her mold wine recipe. Two bottles of wine, a bottle of cranberry juice, and half a bottle each of, I don't know how to say this word. It's the one that looks like coin tro, but that's not what it is,

and brandy. Okay, except I didn't think to ask what size of bottles to buy of the spirits. Hint, smaller than what I bought. Some of us wound up totally hammered instead of merrily, merrily, merely, merry, instead of merely merry. I don't remember anyone complaining about it, though. Actually, I remember a ton about that party. Oh, these are so good, you guys. These are so good. I feel like that is sort of a secret ingredient of certain holiday parties is to just get everyone secretly, like, mildly trashed. It's a lot of fun. Okay, so Alicia Rees says, I debated between a few family photos for our annual Christmas cards and last minute switched out the photo we wanted to use. For whatever reason, I made a new project on Shutterfly and went so fast.

through the ordering process that I didn't bother to check the template one last time. When I opened the box, our car said, Merry Christmas from the Millers, which is not our last name. We sip them out as a joke and get called the Millers by our family and friends now when we send our Christmas cards. That might be one of my favorite little stories because it's like you make the best of mistakes. You know, like, Merry Christmas from the Millers. Okay, this is the last one. this has my favorite line of any comment that I read.

This is from post sender. My husband and I hosted Friendsgiving, and I got so stressed out that halfway through the evening, I looked at him and said, what if we just kicked everyone out and got new friends? That is such an Enneagram 5 vibe, by the way. He looked at me and sincerely said, we could do that if you want,

but I think you'd regret it. So now I don't host anymore. Welcoming people into your home is great, but so is showing up at someone. else's home with a salad. Leave the hosting to those who genuinely enjoy it and quit trying to be someone you're not. There's no shame in being an excellent guest. That is the perfect way to end this bonus episode of your holiday horror stories. Thank you for sharing them on Instagram. I'm at the lazy genius if you don't already follow me on Instagram. And again, this is just like a

quick like right before Christmas reminder that we are all messy. We all have horror stories. we all do things that you're like, why, why on earth would anyone fill in the blank do that thing? But we all do it and it's okay. And we can laugh about it and have solidarity in that. And we can know that we're still valuable humans, even though we cook a turkey in the plastic or whatever it is. So thank you for joining me for this bonus episode, the Merryest of Christmas is to you. I'm Kendra Adachi. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'll see you next week. Have you ever felt like you are living just a B or B plus life?

It's so dangerous to live that. More dangerous than a B minus or a C plus life? Because when you're living a B or B plus life, you don't change it. You think it's good enough. Is it? I'm Susie Welch. I host a podcast called Becoming You. People think, okay, an A plus life is not available to me, but there is a way.

We are all in the process of becoming ourselves. Listen to Becoming You wherever you get your podcast. podcasts.