The Lazy Genius Podcast - When Your People Don’t Follow the Plan

Episode Date: October 5, 2026

If you’re listening to a time management self-help podcast like this one, you’re probably the captain of your home. You’re the one with the ideas, and that’s wonderful. But it’s tiring, too. If you feel like your home would work better if your spouse or kids would just get on board, this episode is for you.Helpful Companion LinksOrder my book The PLAN or ask your library to consider carrying a copy.Sam Kelly and Notice and DoDestini Ann on InstagramJackie Kelley’s book So I Married a HumanEpisode #409: How to Parent When Your Kid Is AnnoyingEpisode #337: How to Lazy Genius Division of LaborSign up for our every-other-week podcast recap emailSign up for my once-a-month newsletterSign up for my once-a-month book review email, The Book ListGrab a copy of my book The Lazy Genius Kitchen or The Lazy Genius Way! (Affiliate links)Download a transcript of this episode.Want to share your Lazy Genius of the Week idea with us? Use this form to tell us about it or record your idea and share your voice on the show.

Welcome to the lazy genius podcast where we all get to be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Every Monday, you'll learn to compassionately manage your time, wisely solve problems, and kindly live in your season. I'm your host, Kendra Adachi, and I am so glad you are here. Today is episode 489, when your people don't follow the plan. If you're listening to a time management self-help podcast like this one, you're probably like the captain of your home, you know? You're the showrunner, the juggler, the one who keeps things in a flow. You also probably care about that the most. I've spoken about that in a newsletter before, how it can be really hard to be the one who cares. It's a gift and also kind of annoying because you only

have so many hours in a day and so much emotional tolerance of like holding the load of making home and life easier and better for everyone. Even creating a better division of labor between you and your spouse or helping your kids not just do stuff, but notice and do the phrase that Sam Kelly has taught us is still your initial effort. You're the one reading the books and listening to the podcasts and reading substacks and trying to find ways to make life work better. Eventually, those efforts will hopefully pay off and you'll experience a tangible shift where you're not the only one who participates in the home, but ultimately so much of the vision of how your homeworks feels and flows is yours to steward. This isn't just a gendered thing either. I personally know

several men who fill this role in their own homes and marriages who are married to women. My point is if you're the one listening to this podcast, you're also probably the one who desires a functioning home and you're willing to make changes to make that happen. You're the one with the ideas and that was wonderful, but it's also tiring, right? So what happens is that when you are the person who shows a lot of effort and care and you desire to bring new ideas into your home, things like systems and routines and dirty dishes zones and permission to repeat meals and different ways to do laundry, you want the person or people that you share life with to be on board, which is why I get so many questions and have for years about how to get your partner to be a lazy genius. That's real.

It's genuinely hard when your people, especially the adult people, don't get on board or follow the plan. Now, don't get feisty with me on this one, but if you feel like your home would work better if your spouse or kids would just get on board. This episode is for you. Not because I'm going to teach you how to get them on board, but because that's not actually where to begin. You cannot begin with someone else's behavior because you can't change someone else's behavior. You'll run yourself into the ground trying and resentment will always be around for both you and probably your people. I don't want to spend the next half hour putting your people on blast for not following the new rule to put shoes in the closet rather than by the door.

I don't want to talk about how to change their behavior, mostly because that is not the answer. What I want us to do instead is talk about how people like you and me, the ones who do the majority of the caring and the show running, how we can respond, both internally and externally when our people don't follow the plan. How can we encourage our spouses to take part in our efforts without belittling them. How can we empower our kids to be part of life at home without being taskmasters? How can we stay kind and content at home and in our marriages and relationships, even when the circumstances don't go the way that we intended? How can we approach? What methods we use and how often we even make these plans that our people need to follow in the first place. Let's focus on what we can

control, our own behaviors and mindset. We're not framing this as how to create a a good partner, but how to be one. Not how to create good kids, but how to be a good parent. I believe in my bones that when we focus on our own stuff, on our perspective, our heart posture and behaviors, rather than on the behaviors of our people, the tangible practical results that we're hoping for anyway, they will come more easily. The culture of your home, it does not come from systems. It comes from people. It comes from you. start with yourself and I think the end results will be what you're hoping for which is ultimately a warm loving reliable home that flows and works well for everybody most of the time so to that

end I have some principles to for us to all hang on to when we enter a situation where the people did not follow the plan your husband comes home from work and plops all this stuff on the kitchen table instead of putting it away like you've asked them to many times. Your daughter leaves toothpaste in the sink again. Your mom who just moved in has put the coffee somewhere you can't find and now you can't make your coffee. The chore chart lies ignored on the fridge. The homework routine requires daily reminders still. The shoes are on the floor instead of in the closet. The kitchen is still messy from dinner even after you ask the family to clean it up while you went for a walk. Whatever the scene, you're in the moment of an unfollowed plan. Assuming you want a home and relationship, you're in a home and

relationships that are kind, warm, and loving, instead of rigid and stressful, here are some things to remember. Number one, assume the best. This is a pretty standard approach to relationships. We hear it all the time. Not everyone loves it, though. Not everyone loves a piding by this, because not everyone means the best. But when you're talking about home systems and new ideas and unfollowed plans with the people you will live with. I don't think it's ever a bad idea to begin by assuming the best. It's a foundation that makes you softer and kinder. Because even if the person does not mean the best or was actively being a little do-do head because they're mad at you about something, it still does not hurt things to begin by assuming good intent. It sets a kinder stage.

This is definitely like a hard one for me to learn and I'm still learning it. My default is to judge. And if I'm irritated because someone did not follow the plan that I laid out, I can swing pretty far into judgment, judging not only their effort, but their intent. Like many times early in our marriage, cause would say he was going to do something like, you know, he's going to clean the kitchen or fold some laundry. And he wouldn't do it as quickly as I expected him. to or I would share something important with him about how I needed him to handle something and he would forget or he just didn't get the importance of what I said and didn't realize what it meant to me. In early on when those types of things happened, I assumed not the best,

but the actual worst. I assumed he was super mad at me or that he didn't respect me at all or that he was actively ignoring me or he's taking advantage of all that I was doing around the house. And, you know, he knew I would come back around and do the chore anyway. Like, none of the, none of those things were true at all. I mean, like, maybe once or twice, he might have been a little, you know, a little do-do head because he's humid just like we all are. And we can all act out when we're upset. But like the vast, the vastest, a vast majority of the time, my assumptions were dead wrong. He was just moving at a different pace than I would. That's it. that's still true now of us cause moves at a different pace than i do i'm a clean up the kitchen

right after dinner person cause does it in fits and starts over several hours i now assume the best in fact i know the truth i know that we're just different in how we operate he likes a break he gets distracted he likes a long runway all of those things are great and they're just as great is me wanting to get it done quickly so that I can go sit down and call it done. It doesn't mean that he's like got it in for me or doesn't appreciate me or whatever. The more you assume the best, the more you can see it. The more you assume it, the more you see it with kids, partners with anyone who does not follow the plan.

Assume the best. Begin there. Number two, stick to the facts. If you're about to talk to your husband about the stuff he left on the table or your daughter about the toothpaste she left in the sink. Stick to the facts. You can do that by avoiding extreme language, words like never and always. So avoid reactions like Annie, you never clean the toothpaste up out of the sink. Or, baby, you always leave your stuff on the table when you get home. First of all, neither of those statements are facts. Annie does sometimes clean up the toothpaste.

and Cause does sometimes put his stuff away when he gets home. I'm just frustrated and using extreme language to vent, which is not helpful. And it doesn't make either of them more interested in doing something helpful. It just makes them feel ashamed or annoyed. Stick to the facts by avoiding extreme language, like never and always. Another way you can stick to the facts is to suck the emotion out of it. Let's say it's late. And Sam, my oldest, still has not taken out the trash, which I asked him to do a while ago. I could respond with, Sam, dude, the trash is still here. Go take it out, man. There's emotion in that, which adds drama and unnecessary conflict to a situation that does not really need it. I don't need to,

I don't need to get on them like that. Instead, I can suck the emotion out of it and stick to the facts. Hey, Sam, looks like you didn't take the trash out yet. What's your plan for that? I heard the phrase, what's your plan? Years ago from Destiny Ann, a parenting expert I love on Instagram, and it was like, it is the most helpful little tool. Hey man, what's your plan? What's your plan for that? Trash is still here. What's your plan? Stick to the facts. People forget things. It's okay. And asking what's your plan empowers them to find the solution because you don't have to be the one to do that. So avoid extreme language. Avoid. Avoid. overly emotional please avoid subtext and shame just stick to the facts when your people don't

follow the plan you stay calm and it's much easier to eventually get your people on board when getting on board isn't like rife with our bad mood kids you have a lot of questions is a crocodile a dinosaur why do people vote how does your food turn into your poop But why? A podcast for Curious Kids has answers. I'm Jane Lindholm. Join me as we dig deep into everything from science to history, nature, emotions, and sometimes even the weird. Why are jellyfish is made of jelly? Or are they made out of jelly? Fine, but why, wherever you get your podcasts. Number three, don't be a scorekeeper. Don't keep record of how often someone sticks to the plan. Don't keep record of how much one kid. follows a plan and another does not. Don't keep score about how much you follow a plan or stick to a chore or do something faithfully compared to everyone else in your family. Whether you express it

outwardly or inwardly, it just makes you hard and resentful and prideful and automatically discontent anytime someone puts a tally in their column or you just put another tally in yours. When you keep score, you're always poised to assess and judge. judge. You're always thinking about winning and losing in comparison and who's doing more and it's not fair. And although it's, and that's just not going to work. That just doesn't work. I think this is especially true with a spouse. If you keep score with your spouse, you're creating distance between you with every single tally. It's like the opposite of a partnership. The space grows as the score grows. And that is absolutely a recipe for a struggling marriage. Let's go back to like our trusty kitchen example.

So let's say you leave for a walk, you ask your husband to clean the kitchen while you're gone. You get back and it's still messy and he's watching a playoff baseball game. Now, you might want to yell, seriously? I washed dishes five nights already this week and you're watching baseball instead. Forget it. It's fine. I'll just do it like I always do. Now, listen, I understand that sentiment, especially if you're being less intentional about your heart posture.

But do you hear all the things that are woven in that response? you're not assuming the best about your husband because you're assuming he forgot or he's lazy or he doesn't care. Otherwise, he would be washing the dishes or the kitchen would already be clean, right? You're not sticking to the facts either since you're using extreme language like always, like I always do. And you're adding a lot of emotion into it. It's okay to feel emotion and even express it. That's not what I'm saying. But you can see the difference if you saturate your words with how you're feeling without considering the situation. And you're keeping score. You've done it five times and you're asking for him to do it just this once.

There's a lot in this very short response that can cause tension and disconnection when it's like just some dishes. So what happens if you walk in, see a messy kitchen and assume the best. Stick to the facts and don't keep score. Hey, babe, can you let me know your plan for the kitchen? that's a real easy thing for him to volley back. Your husband doesn't have to feel like he's done something wrong, which he hasn't. You just had a different timeline in your head than he did that you did not communicate. So when you say, hey, babe, can you let me know you're playing for the kitchen? You open the door for your husband to say something like, yep, I'm going to tackle it as soon as

the seventh inning stretch, and then I'll finish up when the game is over. This thing has been crazy. There was a grand slam in the sixth and blah, blah, you know? Now, maybe this comparison of examples is like a little afternoon special, but I still think what I'm saying is true. Having a posture of assuming the best, sticking to the facts, and not keeping score, it makes unfollowed plans less significant. Everything is just more like low-key and relaxed and warm, even when the circumstances are not what you would prefer. And ultimately, the kitchen will get clean. He's going to do it during the 7thinating stretch and at the end.

that's just not when you would do it or when you thought he would, which is fine, right? Okay, so before we get to number four, do you guys hear this Carolina run sitting right outside my studio? Do you hear it? The birds, they just bless them. They just want to be near me all the time. Okay. So number four, number four is to choose the person over what they do.

People over productivity. right? When your people don't follow the plan, when they don't put the shoes where you ask them to put the shoes, you can remember what matters. They do. They matter more than where they put their shoes. Now, that doesn't mean you can't talk to your kids about where the shoes go. But when you begin with a focus on people instead of what they do, the importance of what they do it falls to its proper place. No chore chart, household system, decide once, routine or task, should ever be elevated above the person doing it. People always matter more than what they do, always.

And when you start with that, it changes things. It changes you. And remember, it's not that productivity doesn't matter at all. It just means it cannot matter more than people do. So prioritize the thing that matters most. And all of it will follow in a calmer way, even when the shoes are not where you want them. Number five has a similar energy.

to value patience over perfection. Implementing a new idea at home requires time and patience. That's true of everybody, yourself included. Think about how many personal systems you have started that failed pretty quickly. How many charts, how many plans, how many grids you filled out in a blank journal, you know? I think there are a lot of reasons for that, the most likely being that you cannot build big systems. But no matter what you add to your life, it's going to take some time to get used to. Mistakes and forgetting will happen.

Inconsistency is just part of the deal, especially when it's something new. So be patient with your people when they don't follow the plan, especially a new one. Perfection is not really on the table anyway, but definitely choose patience over perfection. Notice in your own body and mind when you have a secret underlying expectation that this will be done pretty close to perfectly. If that's the case, you're going to have a real hard time being patient. So choose patience over perfection. You'll be glad you did every single time. Another thing to always remember when, I forget what number we're on,

but when your people don't follow the plan is that you don't hold all the solutions to fixing things. I mentioned this before. But you're not the one who has all the solutions, all the answers. You don't know everything. The buck does not have to stop with you, nor should it. So if your people are struggling to follow a plan, collaborate, work together, ask for feedback. Why do the shoes stay outside of the closet instead of inside it?

Stick to the facts when you talk to your people about it. Don't assume that you hold all the solutions and work together. You know, you could say like, hey, bud, we talked about keeping shoes in the closet instead of by the door. I've noticed that's not happening as often with your shoes. is why. And then let them talk. It could be that a kid is going in and out of the house to play and just wants quick access to their shoes rather than putting me in the closet every single time. Or maybe your kid has ADHD and just doesn't see the point in taking another step of putting

shoes away, especially when it's easier for that kid to find his shoes later because he can see them. It could be your husband just doesn't see the point of putting the shoes in the closet because he has a higher tolerance for visual clutter than you do? You don't have all the solutions and you're not the only person who lives in this house. So you've got to collaborate. You got to talk about it. Don't force everyone's hand to follow the plan just because it works best for you. It might not work best for everyone.

Which leads me to the next thing. Which sounds harsh, but I still think it's true. if it matters that much to you, do it yourself. This has been part of my marriage with cause for the last few years. And it always feels a little intense and easy to misunderstand. But then I was reading Jackie Kelly's new book. So I married a human, which has 30 fantastic, rather unconventional rules for a happy marriage. It's really great.

And one of those rules, she calls do it yourself. and I'm just going to read what she says in that chapter. When you realize that your spouse doesn't prioritize bookshelf alpha-alphaization, man, I'm glad I'm not reading this audio book. I could not do that word. When you realize that your spouse doesn't prioritize bookshelf alphabetization as much as you do, you have the choice to either accept that you are being a little crazy and work with it or resent your spouse for not having the same brain as you.

So how do you manage it? How do you save your marriage from inevitable, sent into madness. First, you need to increase your self-awareness. The next time you feel frustrated that your spouse failed to fold the bath towels into a perfect trifold, which, if I, Kendra up may interrupt in this moment, that has quite literally happened at my house, a trifold versus a half-fold. I think I even used it as an example in like a very long ago episode. It's such a real thing. Anyway, continuing, stop and ask yourself, is this task not being done to an acceptable standard or is this task not being done to my standard. If you cannot live without a task being done a certain way,

no shame there, then it may be time to start doing it yourself. Because even if I'm told over and over again that things need to be a certain way, it is really hard to make it sound, it's really hard to make it second nature. I can try my hardest to incorporate his preferences into my tasks, but there will always be times when I forget, because I don't have the same little voice in my head screaming at me that the forks are wrong. So instead of repeatedly coming to a place of resentment and frustration that your spouse didn't do a task correctly, just do it yourself. So I read that in her book and I was like literally cheering on my couch. It was honestly a relief to hear someone else say that rule, especially in a marriage book, because it's been such a

massive savior in our marriage, especially for me, because I have ridiculous. standards, like utterly ridiculous. I own this. Now, I have loosened them aggressively over the years, like aggressively, and I'm so glad. And part of that is because Cause has challenged me over the years when I'm nitpicking or micromanaging to just do it myself. Not in an unkind way, a very pragmatic way. He'll be like, you seem like you care about this a lot. So I think you should just do it. But then I don't want to load the dishwasher because I'd rather sit on my couch and read while Cause finishes the dishwasher. So I make that choice and realize it doesn't matter that much.

This is also why Kaz did laundry in our house for years, because he cares more about how it's done than I do. Now, when I do a load of laundry that is technically like under his purview, I will ask him to remind me how he likes that load washed because I've known for enough years now how much it matters to him. and I love him. I love him more than how I do laundry. So I'm willing to do it his way as much as I'm able.

When your people don't follow the plan, don't try and adjust your people. Either adjust the plan, adjust your expectations, or just do it yourself. And finally, when your people don't follow the plan, remember that when that happens, it is an opportunity to practice contentment. which is such an annoying answer, I know. But listen, when no one seems to put blankets back in the blanket basket, or no one brings in trash from the car, or no one puts their cups on the drink spinner in the kitchen,

after you heard that idea on an episode of this show and you were excited to try it, because cups are all over your house, but they don't do it. You're going to be frustrated. But you can let that frustration turn you towards contentment instead of forcing consistency on your people. I agree that having cups on the spinner is super helpful.

And it keeps like cups and water bottles from being everywhere. But if you're just starting, it's going to be harder for your people to remember to put your cups on the cup spinner. We've been doing it for like 10 years or something crazy. It's also right at our side door, like right when everybody comes in the house. So it's super easy to put down water bottles. like quite literally when you walk in, like before you close the door. But still, the ultimate goal isn't to get everyone to use the drink spinner. It's to practice being content when they don't.

Now, I know that feels counterintuitive, but if you focus on yourself rather than on how well the rest of your people stick to the plan, you're going to be less frustrated. You'll be happier. Your relationships will be better. Remember, you don't. don't have to optimize every single thing in your home. That's where a lot of this angst comes from, this desire to have everybody like follow the plan to a tea. It comes from wanting to make your home run the best it can all the time. Now, you might not realize that that's the motivation, but I think it is in some way. Yes, cups everywhere can be annoying, and it would be nice if they weren't everywhere. But as we have established in past episodes, particularly episode

409 had a parent when your kid is annoying. Anoyance is in the eye of the beholder. Very few things are objectively annoying to every single person on the planet. The level of annoyance is coming from inside you, not from the cups, not from your people's choices. You are personally annoyed and you can work to change that, to be content. I'm not saying that you have to be a dormant and just like live in squalor forever and not talk to your family about what would make life easier. It's okay when things matter to you. And it's actually great to try to make your homework better for everyone. I think that's great. You can talk to your family and collaborate with them on problems that seem to impact everybody. If your husband is always late for work, because he can't

find his keys and his wallet and stuff, so you create a spot for those things in a drawer or whatever. But he doesn't ever use the spot. Don't get annoyed that he's not accepting your help or doesn't care about you or trust you or whatever dark hole of a story you're going to go down. Assume the best, stick to the facts and collaborate. You can say, hey, I thought maybe having a place for your keys and stuff, it would help you feel less rushed in the morning, but I'm not sure it's working yet. Do you think it will eventually, or is there like something else we can do together that would make mornings easier for you? And honestly, it could be that your husband responds like, you know, it doesn't actually matter. I don't mind feeling rushed and I'm, I'm never really late.

I'm just frazzled. So let's like leave the bowl for the keys and stuff. And maybe I'll start to use it. I do think I would remember to use it easier, though, if it were out on the counter instead of inside the drawer. I just don't think about it if I don't see it, you know. And then you like move the bowl to the top of the cabinet thing and then you go about your day.

And you can recognize that your husband being frazzled on the morning is not your problem to solve. He's fine with it, right? When your people don't follow the plan. It's easy to assume the problem is your people. Like I said in the beginning, if your assumption is that, you know, if your spouse or kids would just get on board, then everything would be fine. This is an episode you need to hear because if they get on board, it will not necessarily

all be fine. Just because they're on board now doesn't mean they'll get on board the next time you get overwhelmed by a problem. And you try a new system or a plan that's hard to remember to follow. The better work here is learning to stop micromanaging your families. behaviors. It's about paying attention to your own responses and feelings and tending to those rather than reminding all of your people how they're feeling the system and why can't they just do the simple thing that you ask them to do. So stop working so hard at making everything optimized

and awesome. Stop expecting your people to care the way that you care. Instead, focus on yourself first. Begin with these things and any practical moves you make to improve the flow and feeling of your they will come from a much better place. So to that end, assume the best, even if you're wrong about that. Stick to the facts by avoiding extreme words like never and always and just say what's going on. Just say it. Suck the emotion out of it. Just say what's happening. And maybe you can end with, what's your plan? Don't be a scorekeeper. This isn't about who does the most or who gets it right or who wins. You might not realize you're keeping score. But if you find a score, you find a score, yourself comparing how often you're doing something to your spouse, you need to let go of keeping

score. You can still talk about a more equitable division of labor. Listen to episode 337 for that, but don't keep score. Always choose people over productivity. So when your spouse doesn't do what you hoped he would, do according to your plan, value him over what he does. Value your kids over what they do. Value yourself over what you do. It doesn't mean you can't acknowledge an undone task or the failure to follow through on something, but you don't start with that. Think about the person first. They are always more important than checking off a box. The same is true with patience and perfection. Choose to be patient as you wait for your people to get on board with something. Stick to the facts as you remind them of what matters and do it

patiently. Learning new things and applying them is no joke, which is why it's important to also Remember that you do not hold all the solutions. You are not the smartest person in the room all the time. So be humble and collaborative when something isn't working. Bring your people into it rather than creating different boundaries and rules and incentives so that everybody will follow your system. And if something matters that much to you, just do it yourself. If you can't lower your expectations or you struggle to be patient as things stay inconsistent, just be prepared to do it yourself. kindly and warmly because no one needs a passive, aggressive bedfellow.

And finally, let all of this teach you to be content. Let it remind you that not everything has to be optimized and awesome. Some things in your house will just kind of stumble along. Some systems will take years to find their way, and then everybody will move out and it will change again. I've had to learn to be content with this giant green mower, lawnmower battery. that will live for a couple of days at a time on this pretty vintage mail table that I have because Kaz needs to charge the battery and he won't remember if it's not out by the door.

So that big old green battery has like practically been like a spiritual teacher for me. Because guess what? It doesn't matter that much. I mean, she ugly. She's so big on a very pretty vignette of an area. But it doesn't matter. Like, I can be content that Cause needs the visual reminder of the battery by the door. I can relax around how extremely large said battery is. I can stop trying to change how his brain works and just be content. I can also be grateful that he takes care of the yard and I don't have to go outside

and the bugs in the sweat. And he's just going to do it. I can also notice that the battery has been there for four. days and feel myself going a little crazy by it. And then I can stick to the facts. And I can say to cause, hey, babe, what's your plan for the battery? Because your girl's starting to see it in her sleep. And he laughs because he knows that the green battery irritates me. But he also does what he can to remove it from the pretty table as soon as possible. It's far too easy to carry resentment when your people don't follow your plan. It is far too easy to assume the solution is just to get them on board.

It's not. The solution is from within you. So assume the best. Stick to the facts. Don't keep score. Choose people over productivity, patience over perfection, collaborate or just do it yourself and be content. And that's what to do when your people don't follow the plan. All right. After the break, we'll have an office hours about corraling all of the library books. And we'll celebrate the lazy genius of the week with a great idea on sharing the mental load of shopping with your partner. We'll be right back. All right. Our office hours question this week comes from Michelle from Toronto, Canada. Michelle asks, I need some help to lazy genius my kids' books, but especially their library

books. My kids, ages 10 and 4, love to read and visit the library, but their books end up everywhere. And it makes library book return day so stressful, especially since we don't just take out a few books, we max out the cards. That's 50 books each. And shockingly, we do get through them all before return day. The library books are mostly contained in the living room, which is where they do the most reading. And I take a picture of the spines of the library of books before we bring them home. So I have a reference to look at when they inevitably scatter or end up under furniture. I've tried having a basket for the books to live in, but it never lasts long. They unfortunately end up piled all over the couch and coffee table, making it hard to use the

living room for anything other than book storage. While I recognize that having avid readers who read too much is a good problem to have. What matters most to me is having a comfortable space to read together and being able to return books on time because library day shouldn't be so stressful. Please help. Okay, listen, I love a problem of too many books. That's just too much fun. So my first instinct here is to use a combination of two lazy genius principles. The Magic Question, which is what can I do now to make this easier later and build the right routines where you're not worried so much about like a specific order of tasks, but with what you're, where you're trying to go? Like, where are you actually trying to go? It's like an on-ramp, right? So, Michelle, you said library day twice. Now, that makes

me think, you have a set day, you go to the library with your kids, whether that's like the actual book return day on your little slip of paper or a specific day of the week. You already do such a thorough job of keeping up of what you checked out and what day it all goes back. So I'm wondering if you shift when you gather books from Library Day to a different day. So if you know when Library Day is, magic question gathering the books and build a routine the day before Library Day when you're not in a rush. It's the same task. It's just moved a day or two before when you go to the library so that everyone starts gathering books slowly beforehand. And you could even use the basket that you've already tried. You know, you said the basket doesn't last long. I think that's totally

great. But what if its job was not to hold the books the entire couple of weeks that you have all these books, but it's just to hold them the day or two before library day. Like that's its job. That's the place for all the books leading up to library day. So if you know you're going to the library this Wednesday, because that's when the books are due, on Tuesday morning, you say to your kids, hey, tomorrow's library day. So let's take five minutes right now to find as many library books as we can and put them in the basket in the living room. And then the bulk of the work is done. You have time the rest of the day to reference the photo that you took of the spines. You can see, you know, which ones are missing. You're not in a rush to get out the door to go to the actual library. I think that could

potentially solve the library day gathering problem. Now, the books around the living room problem, that's a little different. And my thought here is to make stacks your friend. When books are everywhere and there are either too many to live in a basket or they're used so often that it doesn't, they don't consistently make it to the basket. Stacks are your friend. So maybe once or twice a day, you and the kids do a quick stack time. Like, hey, crew, if you see books around that are not in a basket, make a stack, please. Just get used to stacking books. Stacks look tidier than anything spread out. So if you're hoping for a bit less visual chaos in your living room, but you still want the books there, which is what it sounds like, just make stacks. Use the basket whenever it works,

but ultimately use stacks. And to the point of the basket, you said, I've tried having a basket for books to live in, but it never lasts long. Maybe view the basket less as a constant home for the books and more of like a periodic one. You know, the books are out. They're being used. Obviously, you and your kids love to read. The books are doing what they're supposed to do, which it sounds like you mostly feel at peace with. But I think that sometimes when we come up with a storage solution for something, we expect it to work all the time. And if it's not working all the time, then it's not working. And that's just not true. So even if the basket holds, you know, 50% of the books, 50% of the time, it's still a helpful place to put books. So maybe lower your

expectations on the consistency of the basket and just use it whenever it helps. And if that is not always. That's great. So I hope that answer helps. Thanks for your question, Michelle. All right. Now it's time for the lazy genius of the week. This week we have Cindy from Lexington. Cindy writes. Years ago, my partner and I would text each other before stopping at the grocery store to ask if there were any requests or needed items. It was not a great system, and the timing often didn't work to respond on time. Thus, there would often be frustrations with items not getting purchased or one person feeling like it was their responsibility to take stock of everything that was needed. I discovered a basic shared groceries list app that has been a game changer to share the

mental load and it's worked ever since. If an item is getting low, then it's the person's responsibility to add it to the shared grocery list. If one of us does a grocery run, you can click on the item as it's added to the shopping cart so we know it's been purchased. In addition to Kroger, we have Costco, Trader Joe's and Lowe's lists. We also have a few lists that we don't use as often, but come in handy to remember and add to as needed. For example, we have a fix it list for our handy person, since we only contact him when there are enough items worth having him come fixed around the house. We also have a doctor's list where we add notes to discuss with our own doctors or where the kids pediatrician is an annual visit approaches. Again, you can customize it for your personal couple

and family needs. Now, I cannot imagine living without this tool. Hope this can help someone share and distribute the shopping and housework workload. Well, this is really great. I love how this grew from groceries to other things as well, you know, to doctors and handyman lists. I imagine, too, that this would be helpful in a home with teenagers who can drive and also have access to phones when they might go to the store for something too. I am not sure what the specific app is that Cindy uses, but you can totally use your

notes app on iPhones. Those can be shared. I'm not sure what an Android equivalent would be. but for both you could also use Google Docs. Anything shared. So many native apps have sharing options where everybody can update and see the same list. And goodness knows, I have been in that texting Neverland where you're asking if somebody needs something when you go to the store and then that person does not text back in time

and then they text you when you're like in the car on the way home. So I understand how that's like not the best option. So if you think Cindy's idea would help you, I want to give you a little piece of advice first. I encourage you to start small. Surprise, surprise, surprise. Start with one type of list. Don't start with all the ones that Cindy uses. My guess is that Cindy and her husband did not create all of those lists at once. The grocery one probably worked well over a period of time to the point where they saw the benefit of adding another kind of list because the first grocery one was already in a really good rhythm, which is the way to do it. So start small if this sounds like an idea you can get behind. And thanks for sharing Cindy. congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week.

In the next podcast recap email, I'm going to share the three rules from Jackie's book. So I married a human that Kaz and I are excited to use in our own marriage. Like I said, it has 30 rules. The book has 30 rules in it. But there were three in particular that we were like, oh, that's real good for us. So I will share those in the next podcast recap email. If you'd like to get that email, you can sign up at the lazy jeanscollective.com slash recap. It goes out every other Thursday. And then in the next monthly newsletter, which goes out

this Wednesday, actually, I will answer a question that somebody sent in about how to enter a new season of having a baby. Now, I have not talked about that specifically in a very long time. Definitely not here on the podcast. I do have a podcast episode called The Lazy Genius Raises a New baby. And it was, wait for it, episode 18. It was the 18th episode I ever did. So we have gone 470 podcast episodes without talking about babies, which makes sense because it's like a very specific season that's, you know, kind of short-lived and doesn't happen to everyone.

But in case you are someone who is in that season or about to be, you might want some updated words about new baby times. So if that's the case and you're not already subscribed to our monthly newsletter, now would be a great time to do that. So you can sign up at the lazy jeans collective.com. slash join. If this episode was helpful to you, share it with someone you know or leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Both are small ways to support the show, but hugely helpful to us. So thank you for your support. This podcast is part of the Odyssey family and the Office Ladies Network.

This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachie, produced by Leah Jarvis, and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher, and Angela Kinsey. Thanks y'all for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. I'll see you next week.