The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk - 375: Miranda Hawk - How To Cultivate A Loving Relationship

Starting point is 00:00:00 We are opening up applications for our next learning leader circle. We only do this once per year. And think back to the great conversation I had with the legendary Jim Collins, episode 216. He said, Ryan, before you get too caught up in the why, in the what, you need to first be very intentional about your who. Who will be your friends? Who will be your mentor?

Starting point is 00:00:24 Who will you help? Who will you choose to surround yourself with? That will be the single. greatest determining factor in your long-term success. And I would ask you the same question. Who are you surrounding yourself with? Do you want to be surrounded by growth-oriented leaders that are willing to push you? We've added specific curriculum and elements so that by the end of the year, you'll have tangible outcomes to measure your growth and be a more effective leader, both personally and professionally. These groups are intentionally curated and kept small.

Starting point is 00:01:00 Time and again, the thing that people say they love about these groups is the relationships they're able to build with one another in a short period of time. If you'd like to apply, go to learningleaders circle.com. That's learning leader circle.com to apply. Welcome to the Learning Leaders Show presented by Rixie and Meyer. I am Ryan Hawk. Thank you so much for being here. Text, learners to 442, 22, 2. In order to join tens of thousands of learning leaders from all over the world.

Starting point is 00:01:41 Receive Mindful Monday updates what I'm reading, writing, watching, thinking about. Also give you more details about how my book, Welcome to Management, will help you become a more effective leader. Text, learners to 4422. Now, on tonight's very special guest, Miranda Hawk is an award-winning sales professional and leader, A builder of team sits on the board for multiple nonprofit organizations, has worked in the profession of selling since she was 14 years old and understands the determination and work ethic it takes to sustain excellence. Miranda also happens to be my wife. We recorded this one on our wedding anniversary. A few of the topics we discussed, the symbolism of an anniversary and why the years,

Starting point is 00:02:35 are not what's important to us, but how we've made those years count and how we can do it more in the future. And then being in pursuit, why having a mindset of pursuing one another and our goals has been helpful. And then raising children in a home where both parents work and are building businesses. And then finally, the importance of the words, we choose to say and how this can impact you at work and at home. Ladies and gentlemen, I love this one. It's Miranda Hawk. All right.

Starting point is 00:03:23 Here we go. Are you ready? I'm ready. How do you feel? I feel great. You do? Yeah. How awkward or nervous.

Starting point is 00:03:32 Very awkward and very nervous. Well, the reason that this is happening for everybody watching and listening, The reason is because initially, I think Pistol was the most requested guest, and then I had him on a couple of times. And since then, so I think the last time he was on was number 300. Since then, you are by far the most requested guests. So the expectation level has been set through the roof. Good luck trying to live up to all the emailers and people that are saying that they want to hear from you. Well, thanks.

Starting point is 00:04:05 too. Just thanks. You're welcome. And we got a big push from our friend. Doug Meyer. And so this is for him too because he is his initial idea that said, I would love to listen to that. And I know we both initially said, I don't think anybody would, but because of him, I think he pushed us both kind of over the edge to say, okay, let's do it. Yeah. And I sent him that text message. It said, thanks you got me into this mess. Well, and I thought, if we're going to do it though, if we're going to do it, we might as well do it today because today happens, I like to make these timeless, but today happens to be our anniversary.

Starting point is 00:04:47 So what better day and what better way for us to spend at least part of our day, of our anniversary recording a podcast together for the first time? I agree. I just wish we were walking while doing it. I agree. That would be better. So the one, the first topic that I wanted to cover is actually the symbolism of a wedding anniversary. And oftentimes you'll see things written about or people congratulating others on a certain amount of years,

Starting point is 00:05:19 25th anniversary, 50th anniversary, whatever it may be. And you say, wow, congratulations. What a, what a thing you guys have done. And to me, that's never actually been impressive. What is more impressive to me when it comes to an anniversary with a spouse is actually what you accomplish during your time together. So regardless of how many years you've spent or how many years we count, I care more about making those years count.

Starting point is 00:05:53 The things that we've accomplished, the things that we've done. And so to me, seven years, it's a major. I think the accomplishments that have happened. And I would attribute, as you know, just about all of them to you. And so that's why I'm glad that we get to do this. And then this is about making the years count, not about us counting the years that we're together. Yeah, I don't think it's about me.

Starting point is 00:06:15 I think it's about us, first of all. But no, every year when our anniversary rolls around, I always kind of reflect on, like, since the day that we got married, or just since we've. known one another. It's always crazy to me to think of the amount of changes happened in our lives for the better, just the amount of the things that we've done. It's like, it's unfathomable. Like, you would never think. And I'm thinking of examples in my previous life of what I had accomplished and what my people in my family have accomplished. And it's just really, it's kind of crazy the number of times we've pivoted. And I'm like, I wonder what outsiders looking in my thing.

Starting point is 00:06:56 What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you? you mean? Like, what do you mean over the things that have changed or the how we've adapted? Like, what are some of the, maybe an example or two? So we've both changed jobs, like significant jobs that we were well established in. We were at a company where we had met. And then we both started businesses essentially around the same time. We've sold a business. We've had children since then. We've, I mean, we've gone off to learn like bigger and greater things. I mean, you've built all of this platform off of a simple interest that you've had. And it's just great to see over time, like when you start accumulating all of those things

Starting point is 00:07:35 to see, like, who we were when we got married to who we are today. Yeah. So I listed some questions from members of my leadership circle. And I'm going to sprinkle some of those in throughout to make this more of, like, we have a third party involved asking us questions and getting us both to reflect. and to answer on them. And the first one came from my friend Tom Carvelli. And Tom said he'd be interested to hear the backstory, how we met, how our relationship grew and evolved into what it is today. And I added on to the question, what was the initial attraction? And so do you want

Starting point is 00:08:14 to, do you want me to go first? Or you want to go first? Indifferent. All right, I'll go. So I would say how the backstory, because maybe we have different backstories of how we remember the initial meeting, the initial attraction. And I think it's also interesting what was going on in our lives at that time. So we, and I know we joke about this with other couples when we go out to dinner or something, we chose maybe not deliberately back then, but we chose to do everything backwards in the fact that we had kids first with other people and then somehow met at our place of work at Lexus Nexus. We were both inside sales professionals. and somehow an attraction developed.

Starting point is 00:09:00 And I do remember one of the first times, and I think I've mentioned this to you, but you don't remember. We had an outing, our fearless leader and one of the greatest mentors I'll ever have, the great Rex Caswell, who hired you, by the way,

Starting point is 00:09:13 sight unseen at Lexus Nex is just off of a, I believe, what, a 20-minute phone conversation, which is really impressive on your part. But Rex, anyway, had us, we want bowling, actually, because we did hit some numbers for the sales month.

Starting point is 00:09:26 and I saw you bowling wearing a hat and jeans and it's so funny. I remember this the way that you approached the lane to bowl the ball and then the way that you walked back with this and you always tell our girls this and I remember it walked back, shoulders back, confidence and you had this a little bit of a swagger and this confidence about you. I remember talking, I believe was Brent or one of my friends at the time. I said, who is that? Who is that?

Starting point is 00:09:54 I was fascinated by like, I just like. I just like the way this girl carries herself. And I don't remember the date or exactly what happened, but that moment of just being like, huh, I need to, I want to get to know that person. I don't see many people like that.

Starting point is 00:10:09 And so that initial attraction to me was just in the way that you were carrying yourself. And we hadn't even talked yet. And I knew though, as Jesse Edselor might say, this girl might end up in my movie. And as I got to know you, obviously, I definitely wanted you in the movie.

Starting point is 00:10:25 And so that was my first feeling. We can get into more of the story. But what was yours? Because I don't know if we've fully talked about this. Yeah, I don't. No, I always start when I actually interviewed with you. That's like where I always start from our first interactions. Because I was, you had recently been promoted.

Starting point is 00:10:48 Yep. And I was going for a new business position. Because at the time I was like, you know, maintaining existing accounts. and I always wanted to get into new business. And I remember there was two managers that were hiring, you and Sean, and I started to have conversations with you. And we exchanged numbers. I think it's because you were recruiting me pretty hot and heavy.

Starting point is 00:11:11 We exchanged numbers so we could talk about the territory. And I don't remember or recall. I'm assuming that must have had it. That had to have happened after the bullying outing. It was. I remember though, like you kind of, the way I was thinking, in that time when I was recruiting you was that actually work had was going before my personal life. So you fast forward a bit, but as I got to know you and your reputation became built,

Starting point is 00:11:38 you were the top, the top rep. And so as someone who cared first and foremost, when it came to work, I cared the most about building a fantastic team, especially I was becoming a brand new manager. And so your reputation as the top free agent, sales professional, was what I wanted because I wanted to build my team. Now, fortunately, you can share why it's good that you didn't choose me. Yeah, this fraternization. So I didn't choose your team because you didn't have the better territory.

Starting point is 00:12:10 In the world where we came from, you know, the product that you had in your certain state was really important. So I ended up choosing Sean's team for the territory. But it worked out because we were able to continue to have conversations. And I just, I remember like we had started in. interviewing and then I had went we had like a common interest I went very shortly after or during that time frame to Lake Tahoe to visit a friend I used to live out there for a very short period of my life and when Brooklyn our oldest when she was born out there and so I went out there to visit a friend and while out there we were messaging one another and you had just gotten back from your most favorite trip ever

Starting point is 00:12:50 that you go to every year with your brother and I just that's kind of like where I think it really all started the like the interest in one another from a platonic friends work zone to oh I kind of like this guy and we haven't stopped talking since well I remember then the one of the first things that happened was actually a play date so you know you're you're a single mom with three kids I at a time a single dad with one and one of the things that as I you know I had have no idea what I'm doing. You could share some of the stupidity of me as a dad, especially when Ella was young, but had absolutely no clue what I was doing. But one of the things that maybe I thought could be a good idea. And I remember the first time was, I thought you were impressive,

Starting point is 00:13:40 but I didn't think there'd ever be like an actual relationship. But we had a play date where we got our four girls together. And I believe Ella was, was she 18 months or maybe younger? I don't remember the exact age. And Brooklyn and the twins were like two and one. or around that age. And we get them together to play. And, you know, it was just like, huh, this is really interesting. And at that point, just that same as you, for me, my number one priority I ever thought in a future person to be with is how good of a mom will they be?

Starting point is 00:14:14 I mean, that's, that's like all I cared about. And so, yeah, and so I think I saw that in you really quickly. Yeah, that was, that was interesting times. I think we all laugh about it now. I always have the saying, like when people say, oh, I feel so bad for Ryan, five girls. I'm like, are you crazy? He chose this. We started play dates when the girls were two and one and a half and one.

Starting point is 00:14:44 Like, it was chaos from the beginning. You went from having one trial not knowing what you were doing. And I'll talk about that in a moment to having four little girls, like two and under. And it was, but it was so much fun. Like they were all running. I remember the twins were barely walking and they kept crawling up your basement stairs. And we would go running after them. And I agree.

Starting point is 00:15:06 Like it was, it was fun getting together. But like, if our, if we hadn't done things backwards, there's no way we end up together. Right. Because what's a guy with no kids, we were young, like going to not really going to have an interest in a girl with three little kids. I mean, you absolutely can't. but our worlds wouldn't have collided the way that they did and put us in that position. But yeah, to the point about the not knowing what you were doing, let's just give everyone a taste of this.

Starting point is 00:15:36 It's a long time ago, by the way. Elle is 12 now. So go ahead. I just remember going over and he puts her in a high chair, not a wheelchair. I've also a wheelchair, a high chair. It opens up the cabinet. It's time to eat. And at that point in time, his diet consisted of chicken on the grill.

Starting point is 00:15:56 And I don't remember what you ate with it. Like chips or something. Chips or, yeah, Doritos, basically two things. Yeah. But that was his meal every night or Chipotle. And for her, he would literally open up a can of baby food and give her a spoon. And she was a year and a half old at this time, you know, all the teeth, everything. And she would sit there and feed herself out of the baby jar.

Starting point is 00:16:19 I'm like, what are you? She can eat real food. None of us know what we're doing, though. Like, none of us know. And so you do the best you can at the time. And I did not see, I hope there are at least guys watching or listening. They're like, yeah, I mean, that makes sense. I could see that.

Starting point is 00:16:35 Like, this is my rationale was it's healthy. Like, it's healthier food than something else. And the risk is lowered because she could, I didn't think she could choke on that type of food. So lower the risk, increase the health, made sense. me and I remember being made fun. I'm thinking like, why are you making fun of me? And this now, obviously I think about this and it's wild, but at the time, like it made sense to me. Yes. So I can imagine just that was probably nice to know that there's another option out there. And I might know a little thing or two. I mean, I dove into the parenting pretty quick. I mean, 18 months,

Starting point is 00:17:12 three babies. Like that's fast. So I'd only been a mom for about 18 months and had no idea what I was doing either. But yeah. I want to talk about some of the other parts that were, the initial attraction beyond that, because you're, you're right. I mean, I'm not going to lie. There's no way we would have hung out if we weren't in the similar situations from a parenting perspective. And that's why I'm obviously very happy with how everything has, has happened, even at the time when you're thinking, oh, my goodness, what's happening here, especially to, like as a, you know, having children out of wedlock, you know, that, that to me was, I think it was maybe even harder on me than it was on you where I felt nobody, my, my, my, my

Starting point is 00:17:51 family was fantastic. Everybody was really supportive and great, but you still feel maybe judged a little bit and it's tough. It's really hard. And so for me, you know, I really battled that. And part of why the beginnings of our relationship was rough at times was because I was constantly feeling that and battling that. And it led to me being at times indecisive and not a great partner until luckily you kind of had the toughness and the grit and the regular kind of support to continue to say this is the right thing to do while I was not always great. And I think that is a, I'm so thankful for that because, you know, I wasn't, I wasn't nearly as mature, as wise or as good as you were at that time. And luckily, it's worked out. But I can't really take any credit for that

Starting point is 00:18:47 at the beginning stages for sure. Oh, that was interesting. And yes, it was rough with a capital R all the way to the H into the word. But what's crazy about it is we've talked about this before. And people always say I married my best friend. But I mean, even as top as some of those times were, every time, I mean, we were literally, it was the roller coaster. We were together.

Starting point is 00:19:11 We were together. We were not together. We were not together. But even when we weren't together, there was very, few times or days where we didn't talk. We remained friends always. And I think that's kind of the stick-to-itiveness of why we ended up getting to where we were because of that foundation. I'll take some of that credit. You should. Well, I remember, and that was part of what I was attracted to, too, is if I list like all the things, you know, it would be a lot. But I think the

Starting point is 00:19:42 combination of your confidence and grit and toughness and work ethic and guts. And I remember at one point during a bad part, you wrote an email to Pistol, right? And said to him, like, I don't remember exactly what it said, but I remember reading it and first being mad. Like, I can't believe she sent a note to my dad. But then second, actually really respecting and admiring the guts it took, because you know how, how I feel about my dad. And so that feel, I was just like, mad respect, mad respect. And it kind of grew into this, wow, like, I, I, I kind of want to be with a fighter. Like I want to be with someone who's tough when it comes because we're going to face tough things.

Starting point is 00:20:23 Like this is not going to be, this is actually going to be easy compared to what's going to happen in the future. And that's turned out to be very true. And so there's a bit of luck. And then also like you, and this is advice that I plan to talk about later, but advice you give to younger people, perhaps from a career perspective is, is to is to be proactive to go after the thing, to not be afraid to go for what you want. And I think that trait, those qualities are very attractive to me and a life partner. Yeah, I still remember that. I'm like, he's either going to hate me forever or this is going to turn out the way that I won. I'm not really sure which one.

Starting point is 00:21:03 And had I known, I knew you respected your father and you loved him and he was everything to you. Is and is. Yes, is. I should stop past tense. But if I, to the point, what I'm getting ready to make is, if I had not known then what I know today about your relationship, that email would have been much harder to send. Yeah. I think there was a little bit of naivness. And of course, I think, you know, like any great love

Starting point is 00:21:28 song is written out of like just being so hurt, having so much emotion like build up. And that's what prompted me to do it because I was just at a point where I'm like, we're at a fork in a road. Like I don't know what else to do type of thing. But you have to. Like you, I think talking to, like, the proactiveness, we'll get, maybe we'll get to that a little bit later. But like, you can't just sit on the sidelines and then hope and wish and what ifs, ifs and butts, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:57 Well, why, why were you so sure when I wasn't? Um, I don't know. It's nothing. When we are together, it was always so easy. Our conversations have always been so easy. It just isn't very, very natural. And we had like an underlining, understanding and appreciation for one another. We also have very similar views, I think, just in life in general.

Starting point is 00:22:23 And I think that that was really attractive to me personally. I'm like, this guy is really interested in becoming better. He's interested in me. He's always wanting to know why and do more. And it was just easy. I don't know any other way to put it. And it felt right. And then obviously there's just the physical attraction.

Starting point is 00:22:48 Like I can't deny that. Like I really, really was attracted to you. So there was that aspect of it. But then I also knew that the tough where you were, because we had many conversations about like where you stood. And with Ella and kind of in your positioning and like what to do, what was right for her and that you were so like that was just ingrained.

Starting point is 00:23:12 in you. And I knew you were in a tough situation because I knew that Elle's your child and she's always going to come first to some degree. And that was really important to you. And so I always had to keep my rational hat on. But I, but I knew that you loved me. Like, I knew that. But it, but you're not, you can't like make a choice like between your child and, you know, your significant other. You got to decide to have both. And it just took you a while to get there. That's true. One of the aspects of it that I think is important because one of the questions we've gotten from a number of different people from a leadership circle and outside of that is, you know, what have you done kind of day to day to make the relationship good? And I want to first state, I am definitely one of the last people. I think I don't know if I should say that, but I would say I don't think you come to this episode to get advice.

Starting point is 00:24:07 We're just here to tell our story. I'm not giving advice. I'm just saying what we do. if you like it great if not whatever but this is just what i think this is what you think this is what we think is what we do and i and i and for me a big word that's important is pursuit i think we we we the one of the keys to us to things going well is the fact that we are always always in pursuit of each other always in with action with intention with our words with everything that we do i think That's really big for me.

Starting point is 00:24:43 And one of the phrases I wanted to bring up that was given to me as advice from so many people, both men and women, that you know I absolutely despise and think is one of the dumbest things ever is the phrase, happy wife, happy life. It is so stupid. And here is why, in what other world does it make sense that one person has to make the other person happy, but the other person that it all banks upon that. Would you do that at work? Would you do that with friends? Would you do that in any relationship where it's only one-sided? And I realize why people say it like, oh, just keep her happy and you're fine. I think it's sexist.

Starting point is 00:25:28 I don't think it makes any sense. And I think both people should should regularly work on pursuing one another and that's something that we do really well, I would say is I consciously think about how to pursue you and tell you so that you feel it and hear it every single day and not just like, oh, I am the beaten down husband where whatever she says goes or she's whatever, whatever I say goes, no, it's we're always doing these things together and pursuing each other and trying to impress one another, that to me has been, I think, a key to us to things going well. I'd love to hear kind of like how you think about it. Yeah. So to that point, I think we were talking about the journey over the last, you know, seven years and all the things that we accomplish. I think that plays into

Starting point is 00:26:23 it because the more you do, the more I want to do. Like, so I always feel like I need to continue to impress you because you continue to impress me. And it's just like this vicious cycle. And it's just like this vicious cycle, essentially. And our kids probably get really annoyed. I mean, I know they get annoyed by how much we love on each other and talk about one another. But there's not a day that goes by where they don't get to hear you praise me or thank me and show your gratitude and then obviously embarrass them in many ways. But I 100% agree that I don't like that saying either. And I have a lot of friends who've actually who joke and say it, right? But I, I just, maybe it's my love language. I don't know what it is, but I want to make you want me because everyone has a choice, right? Nothing's ever for certain.

Starting point is 00:27:19 And it feels good when I do things for me that make me feel good, which in return makes you want me more, which is what I want. Yeah. And I think thinking of, of love as a verb is something we've discussed, but the fact that it is, it is action. It is, it is behaviors. It is things that we do. It is things that we say, especially in front of the girls for me,

Starting point is 00:27:48 because I know, I know from what I learned from my parents, of the fact that kids are always watching and that we are the model, regardless of the fact that they're starting to get to the age where they may not want to listen to us, or even at times they want to be on their own, which I love that they're becoming more independent.

Starting point is 00:28:06 Even Charlie at 5 is becoming like that, more independent because she's growing up faster with older siblings. But I think to me, I never want to stop the action part of it, the words part of it of saying thank you and being specific about what I'm grateful for of the things that you do and that they get to hear and see that.

Starting point is 00:28:30 I think I just become much more intentional over the years as I've matured and grown up a bit to realize we are the models for them regardless of what they of what we say they are definitely watching and they're seeing and they're seeing how a man treats a woman how a husband treats a wife how a wife treats her husband they're seeing that and and we're the models and so to me that's something that is an active active thought in the forefront of my mind is am I be? being a good model of what an excellent dad, an excellent husband looks like for them. And if I ever fall short, which obviously unfortunately happens, especially if I lose my temper or something like that, which I'm very embarrassed about when it does.

Starting point is 00:29:16 You know this. We've talked about it. But then I have to get back on track, right? I have to get back on track to be that example. And I know that that's, that's like what's so important to me is that first you feel that. and then they feel that through us doing it together. Right. I feel so very fortunate and grateful for our relationship and the way that we approach

Starting point is 00:29:41 the relationship for this reason because our girls, like the kids learn so much by just watching the actions. And I want them to understand what a relationship should be when they're starting to get into relationships, not many years later, which is how I learned. Like I made a lot of mistakes because my growing up, I didn't have that same, that same, what we have, essentially. So I did, if I modeled the same behavior, I wouldn't, our relationship wouldn't work out. So I think this is, I don't know if you remember this, but in our wedding vows, you specifically state that you wanted to be a living example for the girls of what a husband and a father should be. and you totally do it.

Starting point is 00:30:30 And you just get better and better with time. Like, you're just like a great wine. Like, you just over time, you are more and more conscious of it. Because, I mean, you invest in learning and trying to be better. And I get to benefit from that. And the girls now get to benefit from it because they literally see it. And I'm so excited because they're not going to go into relationships fearful or unknown. And hopefully they will be in tune.

Starting point is 00:30:57 like whenever something's not right when it's not like you and i had had behaved in our own home like when things are out of whack and they're not treated the right way because they grew up in a household hold where happy wife happy life that they'll be in tune to that perhaps and it just might and it might not get them excited and they'll look for something better and like uh not to beat the drum too much with the happy wife happy life thing but like i think of the conversation I have with Patrick Lanchone, where thinking about, he talked about how he parents and how he is with his wife and how he works at work and the fact that confrontation is good. And the fact that we're going to have disagreements, and we obviously do. We're going to have disagreements from time

Starting point is 00:31:41 to time. And it's our, it's, it's on us then to work through them. And I think one of the qualities that you take the lead on that makes this a lot better for us is when we have a disagreement or when we do some when I do something stupid, we were able to kind of confront it pretty quickly. And then we always just go on. We just move past it. And that, I think, is a rare quality in a person and that you possess it somehow. And I'm wondering where it comes from. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:32:12 I'm very grateful for it because, you know, there's probably guys listening where they mess up and they might have to hear about it for a long time. And now even be brought up like two years later. And that just is not, I just don't relate to that at all. I have no relation to other people that have to deal with that because we, I do something dumb. And what if it's like, really like yell or raise my voice or get frustrated at the girls if they're not listening or whatever and do something stupid like yell and then you, you will go on our bedroom. You'll say, listen, like, you know that was really stupid. You can't do that.

Starting point is 00:32:44 You need to apologize. You've got to do this, this and this. And then it's done. And then we move on. And it doesn't affect the rest of our day or week or month or any of that. And I don't know. I just think that's worth discussing the fact that that is a quality that is really underrated in a person, but really nice to have.

Starting point is 00:33:02 Well, we would meet together if I didn't do that, first of all, because you racked up a lot of points in the wrong direction. But I don't know where I learned it, but I can say this. I've always been an optimistic person. and I just, I don't like the feeling of dwelling on something. I wouldn't ever want someone. If I made a mistake, I wouldn't want someone to continue to hold that against me. We all make mistakes.

Starting point is 00:33:31 We're human. And to be put that right back into your face all the time, it does no one any good. Like, let's just move forward. And so that's just my mentality. And I don't, I think when I was younger, I mean, I didn't have the easiest upbringing, right? And I had to kind of grit through a lot of things at a younger age. like in my teen years working and just kind of whatever. But if I were to dwell on all the things that were going wrong and wasn't right,

Starting point is 00:33:57 like I would never be where I am today. And so I always just focused on what's next. Yeah. I think of the reason that Doug actually pushed me to do this is because we're having a one-on-one meeting. And for those who don't somehow know, Doug Meyer runs Bricksey and Meyer here where you have worked and where I'm currently a part of the team.

Starting point is 00:34:20 And he said to me, like, how are you doing? How are you feeling? This is like right in the middle of the pandemic when all, I had a, I had over $100,000 worth of keynote speeches that were signed, sealed, and delivered, canceled, all canceled. And so it was a, you know, a rough moment because like my business essentially, I was being told by the universe, you have to pivot and readjust now, or you're going to have to go find a real job.

Starting point is 00:34:47 And if I had to do that, I guess, you know, I don't want to do that. But so Doug fully realized that. And as a great leader, he said, how are you feeling? What do you think? And I said, you know, Doug, the kind of the lucky thing about what I have going on is I'm surrounded by positivity. So when I go home, I'm around the most positive person that I know. And when I talk to my parents, especially my dad, my mom's the best, you know, I love her more than anything in the world. But especially Pistol when we talk, he's the most positive person in the world.

Starting point is 00:35:17 And I think the wild thing about like part of the attraction too, which is funny, is the fact that I think you embody so many qualities of pistol that the combination of like grit and working for everything from a very young age, paying for college, of having to deal with all those things and then coming out of it and doing extremely well. I would say like that is just a really fortunate aspect of what I have going on is the. ability to be surrounded by optimism by people who believe in me. And that, that again, is critical in any type of success that anybody has, I think is having those core people, your spouse and your parents that are right there that are like, you're good. We got this. We're going to be okay. Like, we're good to go. And the cool thing is like the business has actually gotten better. It's, it's grown. We're in a better place today than we were six months ago, which is amazing to think about. So I would say that's one of the cool parts, too, about you and what you bring is that type of

Starting point is 00:36:23 mindset. And I guess I am wondering if you want to explain or talk about how you've developed that over the years. Well, I don't think we should discount the fact that you're the same way. You have more grit and work ethic and stick toitiveness and just all of those things. If you embody that every day. And I think it's easier for me to be that way. when you're that way. We remind each other all the time. Like, we're just going to move forward. But I don't know where the optimism came from. Like, I simply don't know growing up. I was just always that way. I didn't really, I want to say that I bloomed into that when I got into high school because I was a really shy, meek kid. My mom ruled the roost at our house.

Starting point is 00:37:13 She did all the talking. But going into high school, I had a waitressing job. My aunt owned a restaurant. And I learned so much in a short period of time that I had to bring the right attitude because I worked off a tips. I mean, I believe my hourly wage when I started was $2.13 an hour, which is nothing, right? So everything was based on tips. And I needed those tips.

Starting point is 00:37:38 I had to pay for my car, my insurance, and had to pay for whatever else I wanted. And she said, you know, leave everything at the door. when you come in here, you will come in here ready to work. And the happier I was, the more I could put things behind me, the better off I was. And I probably had some of those tendencies before that. But I think that was truly like a pivotal moment in the way that I just kind of approached things. I grew up a lot in those first couple of years between 14 and 16. So there was that. But I just, I think you ask me about me, but I kind of want to throw it back a little bit because you're the same way. Like we have walked.

Starting point is 00:38:18 We're very privileged of right outside our house. We've got a park and a big loop that's not quite a mile loop. And we walk that. And many times, like we have these conversations. And you're putting me in my place just as much as I'm putting you in your place from an optimism of like what's next essentially. Yeah. I think it plays off both of us really well. And that's, I think, critical.

Starting point is 00:38:49 One of the questions we got from my friend Chris, he said, I'm always fascinated by how things start. As you have started the podcast, what did you look like, what did that look like for your family and starting the venture? Also, the dynamic of how much you are involved in each other's careers. And so I'll tackle that. I mean, the, I guess, interesting aspect about our relationship and careers, like we've met at work. We've worked together at more than one company. We're very comfortable working together. I am attracted to someone who exhibits excellence in their craft.

Starting point is 00:39:26 It's one of the things I was and am attracted. And you, especially with your current job, you're showing me everything that you do from a sales perspective. And I'm like, I would be so terrible at that job. I'm amazed at how good you are at it. But I think that is an attractive quality. but to get back to the first part of Chris's question about the start of the podcast. So, I mean, I've told it sort of before, so I'll tell it quickly.

Starting point is 00:39:51 But I mean, I finished getting my MBA, which, by the way, with funny MBA stories about how you had to help me out and watch and be there while I could, because I took my classes live online for six years in order to get the Emmy. But after I finished getting my MBA, I consider going back to school to get a PhD or something like that. and instead decided to choose my own professors and create my own form of a leadership PhD program because I was in a director position at Lexus next to the time. And instead of going back to school, I created a podcast because I love the thought of having long form, deep conversations with people I'm fascinated by.

Starting point is 00:40:28 And maybe it could benefit other people if I published them for all to judge and measure to see or listen to how stupid I sound as I'm asking these questions for people far smarter than me. And maybe I could help other people along the way. And I love podcasts. I listen to podcasts. And so the beginning, I remember we talked about it.

Starting point is 00:40:48 And just like everything else, it was just this your, I think, undying support of like, yeah, oh, absolutely. Like, this is awesome. Like this, let's do this. And it started obviously as something on the side as my own school. I wanted to create not as something I ever, ever thought would create a business. and then it later did, which we can get into. But first, maybe I'll pause for you to talk about the beginnings of when I started this show

Starting point is 00:41:14 and what you were thinking and your level of support for the things that I do. Well, first of all, I didn't listen to podcasts. So I don't think I had ever opened the podcast app on my phone when you had decided. But there's just something about some, so maybe this is a piece of advice. But when you support your significant other, like when, they are like into something. So whether it be working out or healthy eating like I like or like at the same time I had started this blog like we had invested in starting this mom's blog of bringing into Dayton a part of a collective and you supported me and I supported you and they're like I get pure

Starting point is 00:41:58 joy or in excitement when you're excited about something and I want you to be excited about something because your life, you have several pillars, and that's one of those pillars. You have to have your own thing. And that's, I mean, it's, it's almost seems like a no-brainer to me why you wouldn't support someone. But I definitely think, you know, it takes hours and hours and hours to build something like this. There were many late nights where you would be downstairs doing your thing or on the weekends. You would go and you would be in the basement and the office doing your thing. And I could see where someone's partner would not be excited. Like, no, you've got to come do this. You've got to help with the kids. You got to whatever. And I can't even fath them, like, giving you crap for it.

Starting point is 00:42:45 Like, I can't even, I, I, so it's hard because you just want to tell someone just, why would you? Like, just pick up the slack. They'll be happier for it. You'll be better off as a couple for it, like, because it's almost hard to explain. But that's just the way that I view it. And you did the same thing for me. Like, when I was doing the blog stuff, like, you never. once, like would say, hey, can you, don't be down in the office for three hours. You need to be here helping me or doing whatever. I mean, it was you and I, we kind of have a mutual respect for that. So, I mean, it's still today. I mean, you put a lot of time in building your business. And you just kind of do your thing. But I also just do my thing. And we just both like, we have a mutual respect and

Starting point is 00:43:27 understanding for our other portion of our lives that we're building independently. Yeah. And I think that's important too, to focus on leading yourself first. There's a reason that it's phrased that way, and I wrote it that way in my book, because I think it's critical before you can lead anyone else, whether it's your family or your team at work, you have to take care of yourself. I'm not going to be as good of a partner if I'm not chasing my curiosities and obsessions with great rigor. That's just a part of who I am. And if someone doesn't like it, it's just the relationship is probably not going to work. And I feel the same way for you. And I think one of the key moments, I would say in our lives and certainly with my career was I get promoted to be the VP of North American

Starting point is 00:44:11 Sales at Elsevier Clinical Solutions. It's a massive job. It's probably too big for me at the time, but I fortunately got it. And I'm still doing the podcast. And I meet Doug through your introduction through that. And we hit it off. And he, he, you know, his vision was maybe you could do this full time. And I think it would be amazing if you focused 100% of your effort, your working time on the show, on speaking, on building communities, on the things that you can do. You can help so many people and I'd love to be a part of it. And so with his support, you know, he offered me the opportunity to leave. Now, with that said, and, you know, this is not talking out of school. I mean, it's a dramatic decrease in our income, dramatic, more than half, right? And so,

Starting point is 00:45:03 I could see there may be people listening who if they went to their wife and said, listen, I'm going to take a massive pay cut. And we have a high fixed cost when you're paying, when you have a house and kids, five kids and cars and everything that we have are fixed costs, just the amount without anything fun are really high every month. And I could see guys saying, hey, look, this is what I love.

Starting point is 00:45:29 I want to do it. And maybe a wife or a husband saying to their part, partner, you're insane. What are you talking about? You've, you've got this job. You're making this money. Why would you ever leave? That's, that's just ludicrous to think that you do that. And when we had that conversation, I remember you were almost more excited about it than me. And the thought, I don't know if we've still, to this day, even talked about the money aspect of it. It was just like, we'll figure it out. We'll find a way. And I, and so maybe we can go inside your head at the time when I come to you with this idea of like, maybe I'm going to leave this big job

Starting point is 00:46:01 and go, what were you thinking at that time? Well, money was never a question. We had too many conversations about your happiness. And up to that point, and that was more important to me than any paycheck. So I think there's many components to this. So first of all, when you come from not having money, you're not scared of not having money. Like, you know, the material things are not important. Yes, we have fixed costs.

Starting point is 00:46:28 But I've always found a way. you've always found a way, we're going to be successful no matter what. So I don't care if we have to go back several years. We're going to get back to where we were and beyond then. So like it was never a question of the money because I believe in my own ability to succeed and to earn and provide. And I fully believe in your ability to do the exact same. So like the money just wasn't like ever of the forefront of our mind. And we don't live this lavish life. Like we don't live above our means. We just. Like those things just aren't that important to us. So thankfully, we are not, neither of us are that way because then that conversation or that never even approached in the conversation. Yeah. But still, it's still a dramatic change beyond just the financial aspects of it. But it's a dramatic change in what we would be doing every day.

Starting point is 00:47:23 And I, you know, what do you think about that? I, well, there's just something that I thought we should talk about too. It's really interesting because now you're building a business. Like, yes, you are an employee at Brick-Ca-Mire, but you're building something that didn't exist. And so there's a lot of uncertainty there, right? We just, we don't know what's next. Like this year, no one planned for a pandemic. You lost an incredible revenue stream that was basically locked and loaded for 2020. And you had to pivot. and change. And yes, it's a little fearful, but my, and I want you to be happy and I want you to be successful. And being successful obviously definitely helps with the happiness part.

Starting point is 00:48:09 But like we, I don't know, I like that creative change. I like when things are changing. Like I thrive in that type of environment. I wouldn't be a good hamster on a wheel. I just wouldn't like it. So that, I don't know. I look forward to it and I look forward to seeing, what you can build, even though we can't even, like, picture, like, what could be next? Because if we rewind this a couple of years ago, we could have never imagined what's happening today. And it is weird, though, like, we were working together at Brick Seymire. I had my job that was basically kind of created over time. You have your job that you're creating over time. And then now I've actually stepped to a different role of where it's like a job. So it's really interesting to

Starting point is 00:48:52 see you to continue building something. And then I'm doing this job. And, I don't know, but I like the change. I think the part of the question of us working together because there's a lot of people who say, we can never, I can never work with my spouse. We can never do it. And to us, it's just been different. That's how we meant. That's where a lot of the respect was built because we both saw the performance of one

Starting point is 00:49:13 another. And I don't know if this sounds weird or bad, but I am attracted to high performers, male and female. I am attracted to them. And that's you. And so part of it, beyond the beauty and beyond, on all of that. It's like people who are excellent at their craft. I have deep attraction for that, you know, and I still do with people in general as a whole. That's why I do this show. It's why I have

Starting point is 00:49:36 these conversations. But one of the unique ways that we still work together on a regular basis is you have, and again, I know you're self-taught, and I'm not sure where it comes from because I've tried to teach myself and I'm not there yet, this, this beautiful eye for design and creation of visuals. And if anyone's been in the audience of one of my keynote speeches, you've seen Miranda's work behind me up on the screen. The visuals that are bringing my stories to life are all built by you. The ideas, if anyone saw the rough drafts that I sent to you prior to you, make them actually look beautiful, you'd say, this guy is no clue what he's doing. But you have this, it's almost this, I don't know if I'd even, it might be a disservice to you to say.

Starting point is 00:50:24 it's a natural eye, but it's just some sense that you've built the skill to understand how to make things look beautiful. And I think that is, again, I really value that. Maybe you can talk about that a little bit. Well, the reason why we work so well together is because we both bring something completely different to the table. Like, I look at you and the things that you do. Like, I listen to your podcast or watch you on stage in a live performance. And I think, wow, I can't even imagine doing that or how does he get so prepared or what made him think to even ask that question and so we we just bring different things to the table now for me ever since i was a child i loved commercials i wouldn't watch the actual shows my mom always laughed because i would not pay attention to a single show and then

Starting point is 00:51:10 the second commercial comes on i paid attention to it there's hardly a building or a billboard that i drive by that i don't pay attention to the details because i just am attracted to him i like it so um perhaps I missed my calling. I have no idea. But I did spend, I mean, whenever we started our, the business, the mom's blog here in Dayton, like, I had to do a lot of that work myself. And so you get into a program. And because I liked it, I invested time and learning it and paying more attention to others and trying to mimic what they do. And so it becomes, it's natural to me because I'm just interested in it. And I noticed it with our girls. And you've seen it before. They're incredible. All of them are so good at doodling and drawing.

Starting point is 00:51:53 and designing and videos and photos and, you know, like anything. If you have an interest in it naturally, it's easier to develop the skill over time. But that's just the same for you. Yeah, it is the same. And I would say when, when, when, that's why when I'm often now approached about, hey, you know, I want to start a podcast and can you help me out? And, you know, we have these conversations. And I always stop them and say, well, why?

Starting point is 00:52:19 And usually it's an interview type show similar to mine. I want to start. And I'll say, I'll say why. And they'll say, well, I think it could help build my brand. I think it could help me get on stage. I think it could help build a business. And I'd say, I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't do it.

Starting point is 00:52:32 If those are your reasons, it's not going to work. The reason why I think mine has caught on, I guess, however you want to phrase it, the reason why it's built a business off of just a podcast is because I think people can tell, and I'm told this a lot, that I am genuinely curious and passionate about that specific person at that moment during that conversation and they feel the prep, they feel the work because I love the process of preparing for the moment. And I don't think you can become excellent at anything if you don't truly love the process of preparing to be excellent at that craft. Same way as it was when I played sports, mainly as a quarterback. I love the process of preparing every week for every day

Starting point is 00:53:23 and the little weird things that you do, like the way you tape your wrist or the way that I have my notes, just I sent you to the rundown, like all that stuff, I love it. And I don't think it would work if I was like, well, you know, I hope to get more keynote speeches or I hope to build a business. You know what I hope to do? I hope to have just one more conversation with a fascinating person on tape that maybe others could hear. That's all I want. And that's all I want to continue to want. Now, everything else comes because of that. That's why. And so it's a result of the process.

Starting point is 00:53:59 It's not, I'm not trying to make that happen. I'm trying to be excellent for this one conversation at this very moment. And then everything else seems to take care of itself. If I do that, if I ever lose the curiosity or lose the interest or lose the passion for being completely in the moment for this particular time, it'll fall apart. I don't think it'll work. I'm not talented enough to mail it in. And I think with anything, having that approach is important with what you choose to do.

Starting point is 00:54:33 And it doesn't mean that that has to be what you do for your job or you have to build a business that's not possible for everybody. I get it. This is just my story. And what I believe, I know for you the same way, but that's how I like to approach what I'm doing and why I think it's at least so far has helped people. Yeah, your meticulousness is just, I'm in awe all the time. I don't have that same, that same gene as you. Like, I didn't know you in your football days, but you tell me like the very specific things that you did to prepare. And I'm like, that sounds so crazy. But then you've carried that over to your craft today. And I get to witness that preparation and the consistency in that preparation and what you do to prepare every single time.

Starting point is 00:55:20 like I'm more of a wing it type person. Like I get I get completely exhausted whatever you like sometimes when you go through like the steps that you do every single time. I'm like I can't do that. Like I'm exhausted. Like I'm I'm out. No, I know. I feel like for me it's it's out of fear though.

Starting point is 00:55:42 You know this like. So I started as a freshman in high school and I was scared to death. Not of getting hurt or not even of the opponent. I was scared of my own teammates because I have this intense fear of letting the older guys down. I say it all time, Adam Taylor and Greg Young and John Zimmerman and these guys, I was so scared as a skinny little freshman to let those guys down that I would do whatever it took just to not let my teammates down or not be the weak link in the team. And I learned that.

Starting point is 00:56:14 And then I learned that my fear and how preparation. could help me conquer the fear worked. And then it's like, well, this is just what I'm going to do. I've also felt the pain. This probably happened to me in college some when I wasn't fully prepared. And my performance showed, you know, and if I didn't watch enough film or I wasn't, I didn't, wasn't in my playbook enough. It showed.

Starting point is 00:56:40 And so that way it's like, never do that again. This is the way I just have to operate in order to be successful. And I just keep carrying it on. I wanted to bring up one of your passions that has made our family a lot better, talking about things that we're passionate about and what we do in our free time. And one of those is the fact that you dedicate a significant portion of your free time when you're not working to studying health and wellness and what we choose to eat, how we choose to work out, all of that. And as we mentioned at the beginning before we met, I would go out on the grill and grill chicken and then like the side dish would be, chips or something like that. And obviously my diet has gotten a lot better. I'm more healthy. What about your breakfast? Breakfast were bad. I'm not even going to say. They were bad.

Starting point is 00:57:27 There's sugar involved and it just wasn't good. But anyway, better now. We don't eat breakfast. So, you know, we've been intermittent fasting for a while now and that's made everything better too. But maybe you could share a little bit about why this is such a, this is, if I would say the thing that you're most passionate about, like from a topic perspective, it's on health and wellness. And if you're listening to a podcast when I hear you, like you were this morning, if it's playing on your phone when you're getting ready, it's going to be a health and wellness podcast where I'll be listening to like a business one or Joe Rogan or politics or something and you'll be listening to something that has to do with health and wellness. Yeah, I've always been somewhat interested

Starting point is 00:58:07 starting in college and in the fact I sold nutraceuticals in a pyramid scheme. And I had fun though, but I was really interested in it. That's when I first started learning about it. And then over time, as I got older, after having my fourth child or Charlie, our youngest, whenever I started going through some autoimmune stuff, that's when I really started to dive in, diving into research.

Starting point is 00:58:35 Like I've always, like since you've known me, we've ate pretty healthy. And there was a bout, let's see, the twins were like two. I did a fitness competition and kind of got into that world. old and then I pivoted to just eating whole foods. But whenever I, after Charlie, like not feeling well and just not being optimal and knowing what it felt like to be optimal previous to that, is when I felt like I really had to take charge of my health.

Starting point is 00:59:03 And like, just because I was interested in it and I knew that there was something better than taking a pill every single day, I didn't like that. So I've always liked science. That was like my strongest subject when I was younger. It's the thing that I was the most interest in. So whenever I read about those topics, I really geek out on them. But then to turn around and like teach somebody, it's even harder, like you to really know the subject well enough to teach somebody.

Starting point is 00:59:30 But anyways, the point that I always make to our family in eating well and just the, my interest in all of it is because I want to be the best version of me. And if I don't take care of my health, then I can't be that for everybody else. and I cannot fathom making poor choices every single day of what I'm putting into my body. And we only get one of those. I can't fathom making those four choices every single day. And if it's an evil that I'm going to get something, a chronic disease at some point in age, like if I'm going to get it at 50, if I were to make all these poor choices and got it at 40,

Starting point is 01:00:10 I would be so mad at myself because I know better. And so it's important. And I think a lot of people are starting. to get on that train where they start to pay more and more attention to what's in your food, like read the ingredients label, like understand where your food is coming from. And the trend is going that direction. I just started that trend a little bit sooner than others, I believe. So I get really excited when anybody wants to hear advice or what I've learned on a specific topic. But it's all about just if you take care of your body, it will take care of you. And I want

Starting point is 01:00:45 all of us, meaning our family, to just perform and be the best versions of ourselves. And we can only do that if we give it the proper fuel. Yeah, and I realize there are outlying health issues. I get it. I even wrote extra parts of my book about this that got taken out by my publisher because it was controversial for some reason. But I also am attracted to discipline. And I think it takes discipline to make healthy choices.

Starting point is 01:01:14 when it comes to what we eat and how we move our body. And I know the feeling of how I am better at every other aspect of my life if I'm making healthy food choices and I'm moving my body. You know the importance of me working out, cooling down, reading my books, and then going on a walk after that so I can have all of those things. That takes hours of time every single day. Yes, it is. It puts me in an optimal state to be a better husband, to be a better dad.

Starting point is 01:01:44 and to be better on the things that I work on. And especially from a creative pursuit, I feel like you realize I need that. I realize you need that in order to perform at an optimal level and everything that we do, especially now with something for me like writing a book, or writing another book is so tough. It's one of the toughest things that I can do.

Starting point is 01:02:07 And so like half the line everything up perfectly just to get into the place where I can somehow be good at that. that it's tough. It's really hard, but I think all these things have helped immensely. Well, your discipline is impeccable. Like, every single morning you wake up and you have your routine. You know, whether it depends on what morning it is. But if you're going to, you have your routine at the house where you're stretching and you're drinking your water, getting prepared, then you're going to the gym and you're coming back

Starting point is 01:02:36 for your walk or if it's Sundays, you just do your walk and run. And like, I am impressed by that discipline from moving your, body standpoint. I think you get impressed from how healthy I eat and the decisions that I make and how easy it's to stay. But I also know more than you. And I think when you know how bad something is for you and like the long-term effect, it's a lot easier to make that decision. So I often preach to our family because of those things. And eventually it'll click. But it all carries over because I don't care what your goal is and whatever it is. You name the goal. If you, you do not feel well, you're never going to achieve that goal as quickly as you want to or at all.

Starting point is 01:03:20 So, you know, that's why it's so important. Like you said, move your body and trigger all the right things so that you can achieve whatever it is that you want to achieve. Yeah. One of the shifting gears, one of the things that we've been more intentional about is our who. I've always asked a question or I've recently asked a question over the past five years. Who is your who? Who are you intentionally? choosing to surround yourself with because that will become you. You'll become the average or the weight, whatever of those people that you surround yourselves with. And we've made lists. We've done, we've taken action. We've done these things to say, well, that would be an interesting couple to go

Starting point is 01:04:00 out to dinner with. And I personally, that's one of the toughest things through this is that we couldn't do that for the last number many months. But being able to do that is a fascinating experience to me. And I don't love the big group dinners. In fact, I'd rather not go, even though sometimes I have to host them, usually once a year. But other than that, like, and I can manage that. I usually will just have the conversation with the person next to me or right across me. You could go and just own the room. That's the unique aspects of our differences, is that you love those situations and you own those rooms, whereas I find one person and talk to them the entire time. And maybe we can talk about that. But I want to talk about

Starting point is 01:04:36 us being more intentional about who we're choosing to surround ourselves with as we mature and are more intentional about our peer group. You know, I think something in our relationship that we've always had is we level each other up always. So we're always becoming better versions of ourselves. And sometimes that means you're going to outgrow some of your peer groups or your friend groups because they're not doing the same thing for one another. They're doing the same thing every Friday and Saturday.

Starting point is 01:05:07 And every time you hang around with them, you just kind of get exhausted because it's just just complaining about whatever it is. And you and I have talked about, like, you will come back from a conversation or being around someone. You're just like, gosh, that was so exhausting. Like, I want to talk about the exciting things. Like, what are you looking forward to? What are you what's your next trip? Whatever it is. But you want people that just like fuel you from like just an optimism and fuel you from a knowledge perspective, fuel you from love. And sometimes people just aren't on that same playing field because they're not leveling up. And I think for you and I, like, we're genuinely interested in meeting people that help make us better. Like, we want to make

Starting point is 01:05:51 other people better, but we want to become better. We want to learn from them what makes them thrive in their relationship and in life. And because of that shared interest for us, I think that's what it excites us about those, like who we can spend our time with and these dinners that we've been wanting to do. We've gone on several of them. Every time we leave them, we get so excited, gosh, we need to do this more often. But planning is always interesting.

Starting point is 01:06:17 But it really fuels both of us. Yeah. Absolutely. And that's one of my favorite things to do. I'm excited to do more of it. Hopefully we can. One of the questions from my friend Nick, De Nardo, I met many years ago in my leadership circle.

Starting point is 01:06:32 I love a great question. He said, what are your key family anchors? Like, for an example, would be like a Sunday dinner or something like that. And I think, and I'll answer, you can share your thoughts on it. It's something that I brought up at one point, maybe a few years ago. But one of the things we chose to invest in was to really build out a nice kind of outdoor area where we can sit and either host friends or just be with, be together.

Starting point is 01:06:57 Nice pavers, you know, and good plants and stuff. And so we have the family dinners either out there or if we have to go inside, we're inside, whatever it may be. but one of the activities that we've started doing a few years ago was going around the table and having each child, we have a couple different prompts, but one of them is either saying what they're grateful for, and another one is saying a positive attribute or something they love about every other person at the table. And that's probably my favorite, I would say, is when you see, you know, I love Peyton because of how fierce and independent and smart she is.

Starting point is 01:07:38 And you hear a sibling saying that, or maybe I said that, but you know, you hear them saying that about each other. It's such a like heartwarming and awesome experience to see the love around the table from each person and to see the excitement in their eyes. As you know, when they receive a compliment from one of their siblings who at times they fight, but in this moment they're loving each other.

Starting point is 01:07:59 And they feel that to me. So when Nick asked about an anchor, that's the very first thing I thought of was those dinners. where we go around and say what we love about each person at the table. Those are some of my most favorite times. I love our family dinners, and it doesn't always have to be formal, whatever. And most of the time, everyone's eaten their food before everyone gets to sit down. But I must say, you get all the credit for this.

Starting point is 01:08:25 And was it, you know, I feel like we started doing this when you had read something about Sarah Blakely in the dinner table. And he said, where did you fail or something? Yeah, her dad would ask them, day, like tell me something you failed at today. So it was just the kind of the idea of a prompt to then create some sort of sort of dialogue. That's a good question too, which I think we've done that too. But creating some sort of a prompt to initiate the dialogue is what I think is helpful. Absolutely. And that it's, but it's so great like their face. It's whenever another sibling is sitting there getting ready to say, and they're all anticipating who's she going to, who's she going to

Starting point is 01:09:03 pick and compliment, you know? And what are they going to say? And what are they going to say and they get better with time because they're just now getting to the age where they can truly pull out compliments and characteristics that they appreciate in one another. When they were younger, it was kind of just silly. And we all expected the same thing or they would repeat one another. But I really like that exercise. And they kind of do it on themselves now. They'll come up with their own prompts.

Starting point is 01:09:32 Like, where's your favorite vacation or whatever? And they'll go around and they'll have their own ideas. is. It's great. I love it. One of the other, I think, really positive attributes from you is kind of the model you're setting for our family, but not just our girls, but for women in general. And I wanted to bring this topic up of you now have become a mentor for other people, a lot of younger women earlier in their career. And they'll go to you and asking for advice. And I thought, I want to give you kind of the platform here to share maybe what are some of the pieces. And usually when you give a piece of advice for a specific age and or sex, it usually applies to

Starting point is 01:10:12 all people, but I like to narrow it down to make it more like practical for what you actually go through on a regular basis. So when younger women come to you for advice about whether it's building a career or a family or both, what are some of the key things that you say to them? So the first thing we've always talked about is being proactive. You'll always have a job description. This is what you should do. But that's the baseline.

Starting point is 01:10:44 Like those are the non-negotiables. You have to do them no matter what. If you want to get noticed and if you truly care about growing, you have to be proactive. Take it upon yourself to be aware of what needs to be done. And then go educate yourself, talk to people, figure out what it is that you can make your job better and those around you, their lives a lot easier. And that's just something. This is definitely something that I learned back when I

Starting point is 01:11:11 started waiting tables. You just always have to go above and beyond meeting people's expectations. And it will always, it will always get you ahead. That's just kind of been my personal experience. But I always say that that's probably the first piece of advice I give to people. another one is your attitude, what you bring to the table from an attitude perspective, because there's many things that you're not going to be able to control, and you have to focus on what you can control, and your attitude is one of them. So always, you know, you put your attitude in check, and if you're not having a positive attitude of bringing that to the table, then you're only hurting yourself because people are

Starting point is 01:11:51 going to make very quick judgments. And if you are someone who's being proactive and have a positive attitude, and immediately you're going to be looked upon more favorably than maybe appear, you know, whether it be for a promotion or whatever. Obviously, it's put the work in. So you've got to,

Starting point is 01:12:08 you know, work hard. And if you put those three together, that's powerful. I don't know. I think those are kind of like, they're really simple to say, but to be consistent and actually execute them when you have all of these moving

Starting point is 01:12:22 parts coming at you or where you're bogged down with actual task of your job, it might be hard. But if you kind of like just lay those things out and say, I'm going to work on those three things. I think that can get you really far. Yeah. And I think one of the things you developed and you know, we've, I've used the word this magnetism. I think you have a magnetic quality about you where people are drawn to you. They want to be in your presence. And that is because of a combination of those things that I know she's going to get whatever needs to get done. I know she's going to do with a smile. There's going to be a lot of optimism. There's to be a lot of bouncing energy, right? We are, the funny thing is like, we have a wildly different personalities, right? You are on the

Starting point is 01:13:04 extreme ends of extroversion. I'm probably on the extreme ends of introversion 98% of the time. You can crush a dinner party with 30 people as far as having 17 incredible five-minute conversations, and I, at best, will have one or two. And then I will be saying, like, let's, we got to get out. Let's go. It's time to go. Where I was like, what do you mean? We're just getting started, you know, where, and just this wildly different. And the cool thing is how it, it just seems to mesh. Like, and I don't know, I don't know. I don't fully know why. I think it's mainly because of the constant pursuit and the, and the respect. You mentioned that earlier, like mutual respect of one another. And I think that,

Starting point is 01:13:49 really hits home. And I think there's a, there's a quote that we both really like that I shared for my Mindful Monday email this morning and I share it with you, which is a Nuri Muhammad quote, which is your mate will either inspire you to grow into your greatness or they will confine you to complacency. They'll either be your other half or they'll make you half of yourself. And I've, we've seen examples on both ends where because of one another, they lift each other up regularly, like you said, we both try to level each other up, or unfortunately, the relationships where they're not even near capacity or near what they're capable of because, unfortunately, of the toxic relationship. And I'm very grateful for that.

Starting point is 01:14:37 Me too. Well, thank you for doing it. We'll see if people like it. I am, I know I did. I enjoyed it. I'm glad we did it. We could do it again. I don't know if we'll make it some sort of. ritual or routine, but we didn't get to everything, but we got to a lot. So thank you so much for being here. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Thank you. That was a fun experiment for me. I hope you enjoyed it as well. I have to give Miranda massive props considering I've done hundreds and hundreds of podcasts, both as a host and a guest. And this is the first time she's ever done it. And she absolutely crushed it. Brought massive value. And I learned some new things, which was a lot of fun for me. A few of the key takeaways, the importance of being

Starting point is 01:15:27 in pursuit, both of one another as well as our own individual curiosity and obsessions with great rigor. Approaching life with that mindset has been very helpful for us. And then Miranda's advice to others. Be proactive. Show up with a smile. Bring positive energy to every room you walk into. She learned this at a young age when she worked for tips as a waitress she had to leave whatever issues were going on outside of work away from her job in order to earn and I think she's brought that to every job she's had since then and it's been a big reason for her success both at work and at home and then happy wife happy life and why that does not make any sense to us we strive to make each other happy. Neither of us are more important than the other. And both of our happiness

Starting point is 01:16:27 is equally important. I think it's something for each of you to think about. I'd love to hear your feedback. You're always welcome to send me an email, Ryan at learningleader.com. Also, I love it if you would continue to spread the word. Perhaps you share this one with a friend who has never listened to the Learning Leader show before. And why this one, with my wife, Miranda Hawk, could be be useful. Because you continue to do that, you give me the opportunity to do what I love on a daily basis. And for that, I will forever be grateful. Thank you so much. Talk with you soon. Can't wait.

The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk - 375: Miranda Hawk - How To Cultivate A Loving Relationship

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