The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk - 407: Ryan Serhant - How To Have Big Magnetic Energy (Million Dollar Listing)

Episode Date: February 22, 2021

Text LEARNERS to 44222 for more... Full show notes at www.LearningLeader.com Twitter/IG: @RyanHawk12 https://twitter.com/RyanHawk12 Ryan Serhant is a real estate broker, CEO, and founder of SERHANT. He's a bestselling author, producer, and star of Bravo's Million Dollar Listing New York and Sell It Like Serhant. He led the #1 ranked (in sales volume) real estate team in New York City in 2019 with just under $1.45 Billion in sales. Notes: His mantra is: "Expansion. Always in all ways." It's about growth. Work to find your own brand and mantra -- It must be honest and genuine for you. A learning exercise for you to do: A "self-audit." Ask your friends and colleagues, "When I'm not around and you're describing me to others, what do you say?" Find friends who are willing to be honest with you to better understand what you're known for... If you don't like it, work to change it. Ryan Serhant was known as the guy who kept his hands in his pockets and couldn't look you in the eye. He needed to change that. "Your perception to others is your reputation and your brand." "Fake it til you make it" is not useful... Instead, Ryan sold the TV producers at Bravo the person and the real estate broker he would become... "When Tom Brady got drafted in the 6th round, he told the owner, 'That's the best decision you've ever made.' Tom Brady truly believed that. I believed I would become the best real estate agent in the world." "I didn't show them who I was in the moment, I showed them who I could become." Pivotal moment - Ryan went to the top selling agent in his office and said, "Man, how are you doing this, can you teach me?" And the agent said to Ryan, "Na man, I ain't telling you shit." Ryan thought, "Wow. I'm going to have to figure this out on my own. This guy is threatened by me." The New York City market - "It's cut throat. I went there for theater school, and stayed because, 'I would rather regret the things I did, than what I thought about doing and didn't do." Ryan depends on a routine to be productive. It is: "I wake up at 4:00am. In the gym by 5:00. 6:00 shower. Baby time at 7:00. First meeting at 7:30. I figure I wake up three hours earlier than most people. If you multiple that 3 hours times 365 days, I get on average 30 more days per year than others. I like my odds with 30 extra days." Discipline is critical - "Of course I'm tired in the morning, but I get up and do it anyway. People need to do more things that could better their lives. Do the things within your control." It's harder, but worth it. How has becoming a dad changed Ryan? "My wife says it's being a male nester. I worked harder and worked more while she was pregnant. I want to be the provider for my family. My daughter has made everything bigger." What about balance? "I have no balance. I'm lucky I found a partner who understands my drive and work ethic." What to say to those who don't like him because of the self-promotion? "I'm a real estate broker. I'm a salesman. The difference with me is I don't hide it. Our job is to promote our success so that we can get the next listing." Building confidence: "People who spend millions on real estate don't lack confidence. They want a broker who is confident too." Big Money Energy: "It's a unique set of qualities that every successful, confident person has..." Code #1: "When you can't change your circumstance, there's one thing you can change. Your energy. I sell a transfer of energy. Of excitement." Energy "Develop magnetism so others want to be around you. How? Ask questions, be interested in them, listen to their responses, create friendships instead of clients." "Shift your mindset -- What is your why? What's the wall you're fighting against? -- "I had no money and no connections in NYC. I rode the Subway crying that I couldn't even get a rental listing... That's my why." Commonality among excellence real estate brokers: Must be very organized Follow up is critical Disciplined Relentless work ethic Empathetic - The ability to be excited or sad with a client. There are 3 types of sales people: Car sales - pushes, thinks short term Tour guide - Just points to stuff, never closes deals Push & Pull - They work to get the deal done

I had a theater background. I had a film background, and I knew that when you went in rooms for auditions, you didn't show them who you were today. You showed them who you could be, which is a big difference from fake it to you make it. And what I really view as future you, right? My big thing now is Ryan 2030. That's what I think about 10 times a day. Ryan 2030, over and over and over.

Like, where am I going to be in 2030? How can I start being that guy today? So that by the time I get there, which is going to happen in the blink of an eye, everything I want will have happened already. And I'll be so far beyond my expectations, that guy will figure out how to go back in time and pat me on the back. This episode is brought to you by a company I have partnered with called Himalaya Learning. Himalaya Learning is an audio learning platform that provides an extensive library of courses straight to your ears from the world's greatest minds like Malcolm Gladwell, Barbara Corker, and Tony Robbins, Tim Ferriss, Seth Godin, Linda Hill, and many more. Level up your knowledge with bite-sized, impactful lessons that help you conquer personal and professional milestones even when you're on the go. And now for the cool part, my course, Learning to Lead, is available now, exclusively on Himalaya Learning.

I've recorded 19 lessons, and they are available to you now on Himalaya Learning to help you become a more effective leader. To listen to my course and others like it, go to Himalaya.com slash lead and enter promo code lead, L-E-A-D at checkout to get your first 14 days free. Go to hemalaya.com slash lead. Welcome to the Learning Leaders Show, presented by Rixie and Meyer. I am your host, Ryan Hawk. Thank you so much for being here. Text learners to 4-4-222 to become part of Mindful Monday,

you along with tens of thousands of other learning leaders from all over the world will receive a carefully curated email for me each Monday morning to help you get your week started off right the latest ideas, articles, podcast, videos to make you better as a leader for your team. You'll also receive more details about how my book, Welcome to Management will help you become a more effective leader. Text learners to four-firm. 4-2-2-2. Now on to tonight's featured leader, Ryan Surnan led the number one ranked in sales volume, real estate team in New York City in 2019 with just under $1.45 billion in sales.

He's a best-selling author, producer, and star of Bravo's million-dollar listing, New York, and Sell It Like Surhand. few of the topics we discuss. How and why you should create a personal mantra. The story Ryan tells behind creating his was fantastic. And then how he got cast out of more than 3,000 candidates who interviewed to be on million dollar listing. Again, another fantastic story. And then how to tastefully promote your work so that it creates a magnetic effect. Ladies and gentlemen, you will be entertained.

It's Ryan Sourhand. Quick note on this episode with Ryan Sourhand. He does use colorful language throughout our conversations. As I've said before, when I asked to have a guest on my show, I want them to be their authentic selves. So please take care while listening. Ryan, it's good to see another Ryan. welcome to the Learning Leader Show.

I like your name, though, Ryan Hawk. Like, what a... Would that go okay for like the... You have the Surhant House now instead of the Soho House. I feel like that flow is really nice. Sir Han House is nice. A lot of people get confused in how to pronounce Sirhan. There's Sir Haunt, Sir Seranahan, Sir Hart, Hawke, that no one comes to you and says,

hey, how do I pronounce Hawk? You're never like, never like, hook, Hawaka? No. Yeah, no. Every once in a while, someone adds an E. I'm like, no, it's just, it's just the bird. It's good. We're good.

And there's no E. So anyway, Ryan, I want to get started with your mantra. So I've watched you on TV for, I guess, almost a decade now. And one of the first things that I talked to my wife, Miranda, about is we always say expansion, you know, always in all ways. I love it. And I know in your course, you teach about creating a personal mantra. and this feel like is yours. Can you describe two parts, really?

One, how this expansion always and always became yours. And maybe some advice for others that this is a memorable thing that could be part of your branding. Sure. I mean, before a million-dollar listing, I did really have a mantra, like a motto. The show asked me what mine was. You know, most brokers are like, everything I touch turns to sold and all that stuff. And I didn't really like that. You know, for me, it's always just been about more, right?

I want more. I want more. I want to do more. I want more. I want more of everything. I just want to build. I want to grow. I want to everything it can possibly do. I don't want to expand business.

I want to expand my career. And that kind of just turned into, you know, expansion always and always. And so I've been using it ever, ever since. I don't put it in my email signature. I don't put it, you know, I don't like say it to clients on the phone. That would be weird. But for anybody else, right, I think what it's what it's signified for me and the people that I work with and the different parts of my business is that I'm, you know, you want to

work with someone who's hungry. You want to work with someone who's constantly growing. That's me because that's my motto. But as you work to figure out kind of your own brand motto, just think of. about what your lifeblood is, like what's the most important thing to you every day? And what do you want people to know about you? Do you want people to know that you're a killer, that you're a pit bull? Do you want people to know that you are the most analytical?

Do you want people to know that you're the most trusted or you're the favorite? Like, what is genuine to you? What's authentic to you? And ask other people, you know, one of the best exercises I think anyone can do. and I talk about this a lot is to do a self-audit using other people and ask them a simple question. Say, hey, when you're with me, how do you describe me to other people? Right. So if you're hanging out with me and someone calls you later and says, hey, where were you?

And you say, I was just hanging out with Ryan and they don't know Ryan. What do you say? How do you say that? Is it like, oh, you know, the gray-haired real estate broker guy? Is that it? Or is it, you know, the guy who thinks he's funny, but he's not, is that it? Like, is it the one that smells? Like, what is it? Ask a couple people, you'd be surprised to, you know, to see how people perceive you, right? Because your perception to others is your reputation, right? And your reputation is then your brand. And that kind of brings you back into that personal mantra and motto, if you will, and all. All of that boils down to what you believe about yourself in the core. So if you are not confident as a person and you're anxious, that's going to be how these people describe you.

You know, like, yeah, you always with Ryan, the really, you know, the guy that's always super nervous all the time and like picking his fingernails with his eyes on the ground. Yeah, oh, him. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's nice. Like that's how that's your self audit right there. Now you've got things to work on if you want to work on. And you sense that when did you do that exercise to build? Because the other part about it is I think if you can make it concise and it makes you think like always and always, that's why I remember.

I don't know if I remember Fredericks or the other guys, but I remember expansion always in all ways. Yeah. Because it's concise and it's to the point. And also like, wait, what is he saying always? Is he saying the same word? No. Oh. Oh, yeah.

Like that part of it too actually makes it better. And I don't want to, I think this is important for people. If you're trying to build your career, build a business, lead a team, whatever it may be, thinking of this. So how did you come up with it? I mean, like I said, I came up with it because Bravo asked me to. And they forced me to because they said all their shows, just like the housewives, right? They, they, they, you get in there in that interview scenario and you got to introduce yourself and tell them what your motto is. You know, you're like I said, like you're the, you're the, you're the.

you're the lady killer or you're whatever you are. And so, you know, I wanted mine to be about growth. I wanted people to know when they saw me to be on the lookout because I'm going to do big things. And I'm coming for you because I felt that a lot of people were counting me out because I was not from New York. I didn't come from money. And I worked at a tiny little firm. And my competition on the show and my competition in New York in general is rich. well-connected, bread here, and complete sharks. Right. And so my stamp kind of walking into the prison yard is,

is be ready because I'm coming for you, because I'm going to grow fast. And you're not going to know how. I heard through the process to get cast, you had to sell yourself a bit more than what you were currently doing, almost to fake it till you make it type of a mentality. Can you share the casting process and what you told him and what the actual reality was versus your intended reality for the future.

Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't, I wouldn't say it was fake it till you make it. It was, because I see people do that and that ends up being very much something that I call it. What do you think of that mindset? I personally am not a fan of that phrase,

but I understand that it has worked for some. So I, so fake it to you make it is very much bullshit money energy, right? So for me, there's, who have kind of big magnetic energy, big money energy, they've got humble confidence and they've got that vibe that just makes you want to work with them. And that's why they've become so magnetic and that's why they become so successful. And then you have people who aren't there,

but they fake it. They tell you that they're there, right? They tell you they have this and it just oozes desperation. Okay. So for me, when I went to the million dollar listing audition, they were looking for the best real estate agents under the age of 30 at the time, right? Now we're all well over the age of 30 and they haven't fired us yet. So I guess the show is just growing. But they were looking for the best agents under the age of 30. I was 26 and they were one of the most successful ones. And I went to an open casting call with 3,000 real estate agents in New York City. And I've been doing it for a solid 18 months, maybe a little bit less actually. And I honestly believed that even though it wasn't now, right, one day I'm going to be the greatest real estate

broker in the history of the world. I can get there. I'm not there now, but I will get there. But I believe, too, that if you work with me right now, you're going to get the absolute best service. Does my resume show it? Nope. I've only been doing this for 17 months. Do I know everything and know everybody? Nope. But I'm going to overwork everybody, outwork my competition. And so when they asked me when I sat down in that chair in front of a camera and I had 30 seconds and they said, why are you here? I said, because I'm the greatest fucking real estate broker in the history of the known universe. And they paused and said, okay. And then they went on to their next thing and said, you know, how do you get around New York City? And I said, black car by day, range over by night.

Now, I did not have a black car by day, but I could get one. You can reserve them. You know, you could hire one, which I've done many times. They didn't ask me how I get around every day. Okay. And at night, I had a friend who had to range over. Could easily drive his car anytime, right? But I didn't own my own rangeover. No way I could afford a rangeover.

Also, I'd never really driven in the city before. And so, you know, I just hit them with the idea of the power broker I knew I could be. And that's what they liked. And I had a theater background. I had a film background. And I knew that when you went in rooms for auditions, you didn't show them. who you were today. You showed them who you could be, which is, which is a big difference from fake it to you make it and what I really view as future you, right? My big thing, like last year,

for sure, this year now is Ryan 2030, right? So I think about 10 times a day, Ryan 2030, over and over, like, where am I going to be in 2030? How can I start being that guy today? so that by the time I get there, which is going to happen in the blink of an eye, everything I want will have happened already. And I'll be so far beyond my expectations, that guy will figure out how to go back in time and pat me on the back. Right. And so that's a different level of energy than how did you, did you, yeah, did you actually believe it when you said that? I mean, I get the sense that you do. I mean, is that, how do you, I guess,

yeah, I am, after that mindset of that you believe that you were actually the best when you hadn't really done it. And that's got to be the toughest market literally in the world to go do what you're doing. It is very tough here. There's 80,000 of us in the city. Remind me again where you live. Ohio. Yeah. So I grew up outside Boston.

Okay. And whether you're a Tom Brady fan or not, there is that kind of old story. that's interesting where, you know, he was drafted 199 and went up to Bob Kraft, the owner, and introduced himself like that first day at training camp, and said, hey, I'm Tom Brady, and Bob Kraft said, I know who you are, you are our 190th draft choice. And Tom Brady looked him dead in the eye and said, yep, and I'm going to be the greatest decision this organization has ever made. You'll see.

I'm going to be the greatest quarterback of all time. And he said that in leading into the 2000 football. season as this guy that was the fourth quarterback that was basically a backup most of college and barely and didn't even play his whole first season was nearly cut multiple times like walk out of the field saying I would be the best I'm going to be the best and 20 years later the guy goes to he picked a team at random at random a random team was like you guys want to go to the super ball and it's insane like and so um I don't know I had a very similar mentality you know, at the beginning of my career. It's like, if I'm going to make the decision to be a real

estate broker in New York, I'm not getting in this to be second best or a hundredth best or two hundredth. Life is too short. If I'm going to do this, I'm going to be the best. I believe I can be the best. I believe that I'm a really, really good person. I know how to talk to people. I can empathize. I can sympathize. I can understand what they're going through. And I'm going to be relentless in my work ethic. And I'm going to sell more than anybody. It's going to take me a hot minute, but I will get there. Was there, can you talk about, um, inflection points? So you get the gig, you're only 18 months in and you get, do they start bringing cameras immediately and following you? And did that have an impact and and help skyrocket your business or was it not until it aired? I'm wondering like, I like moments

throughout careers when something shifted where you went from, you're working really hard, but it's not really clicking yet. Because there's a lot of people say, well, I want to be the best. I'm going to work really hard. But there are little moments. where maybe a little luck and opportunity and they come together and you make the most of it, right? Like what are some of those earlier moments in your career where you went from just being one of 80,000 to now one of the guys, one of the top guys? Yeah, there's a bunch.

I would say right before that audition, there was a moment when, you know, I was trying to rent apartments to pay my rent. That's why I got into this business, not because I like real estate. I don't give a shit about Crown moldings. I needed to pay my bills. And it was that wait tables, bartend, get a temp job or move home to Colorado at the time. And so I had a really hard time doing deals. You know, it was tough.

I don't know New York City. I go to the West Village with clients and get lost. Like, the streets make no sense. People would lie to your face. Like, you know, you really start to think about human beings in a different way when you become a real estate broker in New York City. Grandmothers will lie to the face of baby Jesus to save $5. And it's just so crazy. But there were agents in my office, and there was one in particular named Ben who was just crushing it, right?

He was bringing in deals every single day. And I had like no idea how. I could not figure it out. I knew he grew up with a really, really tough background. He had had kids really early. He was younger than me. I know when I was in my early 20s. And I remember going up to him and saying, dude, Ben.

And you're the man. Like, how do you do this? Could you just help me out? Like, what do you? How are you, you bring it? You do like three rentals a day. No one in here does that. Is there a tip or trick or something?

And he looked me dead in the eye and he said, no, man, I ain't telling you shit. And that for me was an eye-opening moment. Because I realized very quickly, no one's going to help me. I'm not going to wait on anyone else's opportunity. I got to go after everything by myself, apparently. There's no salary. There's no benefits. There's no nothing in this job.

And two, if that guy can do it and if he's threatened by me, then I can do it. And I'm just going to buckle down. And so that was a moment that I'll never forget. The million-dollar listing moment, yeah, when they finally cast us in November of 2010, they said, all right, we'll see you in two weeks for your first open house. house. And then they filmed with us for a year. When the show came out, no one really cared. The phone didn't start ringing because I don't know how many times you watch TV at night and then pick up the phone and call the people you see on TV. But it's very rare that that happens.

But it was the cameras and the pressure from the network. Like, you know, a regular real estate agent is going to have, you know, personal financial pressures. I got to sell. I got to make money. And pressures from clients, right? You have a listing agreement with a seller. You have a fiduciary. want you to sell the house, there's pressure. So I had that. Then I had my boss who put pressure on me. And then I had NBC Universal. You said to us, during that whole first season, okay, three of you, so they cast four of us. Okay. This is something most people don't know. They cast four of us. And they film with four of us for an entire year. And they kept telling us, three of you will make the final show. Good luck. And they would tell us as we were filming and going

on that. The producers would walk into, you know, a list because we have to get everything. They don't produce, like, they just show up. We have to get all the clients, all the listings, do all the details. Everything has to get fact checked. There's a pain in the ass. Everything is, is too real. I wish it was like scripted. It would make my life so much easier. And they would walk into a listing appointment. I'd be excited and they'd be like, is this the best you have right now? Really? Okay, we'll film it. But I don't know. I don't know. It's okay. right. No, it's fine. It's fine. I know you're just starting out. And it like there was nothing like, one, the threat of being fired. And also, holy shit, if they do cast me and I suck,

25 million people around the world are going to watch me suck at my job. That would be very bad PR for me. And so it was like this metaphorical shotgun to the head that, dude, I got to get good listings. I got to actually do these deals and sell them. because when I was 26 years old, you know, I was, I was, I had a fear of being embarrassed. You know, I didn't want to, I don't want to put myself out there to the world and then be an embarrassing failure. That would be terrible. So I made it my, my mission to succeed. And I chose success over everything, no matter what it took.

Isn't that though, I sense, I mean, I love New York City. I don't live there. But I sense though that is normal there. So you or are you saying people act like it is, but their work ethics don't match those words. Is that what I'm hearing? The relentlessness, the willingness to get up and actually do it is not the same as the talk. Yes. I would agree with that, a thousand percent.

But I think the reason people feel like that who are outsiders is just because there's, you know, 11 million people. right in the city Monday through Friday and so there's a there's a greater volume of uh of people for stories to come about like that you know it's like when i would have friends who come visit me you know we used to come visit me a long time ago and and say dude i love new york man there's so many beautiful people in new york the women dude these guy like everybody in new york city it's amazing i'm like dude there's the same percentage of good looking people and not good looking people in new york as there is everywhere else except here there are millions and millions and millions of them.

And so you just see more of them. So it's the same thing. But I will say there's something about the energy here and how cutthroat it is and how expensive it is to live here that really weeds out people that can't hack it. It's too expensive. Like you spend thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars a month on like, on stuff you're not even aware of just to survive. And which means you've got to make money.

If you can't make money, you can't live in New York City. It's just, it's impossible even now. Why'd you go there? You're Boston guy. You mentioned Colorado. There are other places that Werenest cutthroat. Why there? Because I went to school for theater.

It was the one thing I was ever good at. And I was definitely not good at sports. In school, I was kind of okay at. I tried to go to law school because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. Totally bombed the LSAT. So that didn't work. And I, you know, my grandfather had died and left me a few thousand dollars. and I'd work in construction every summer since ninth grade.

So I had that money saved up. And so I said, all right, I'm going to give myself a couple years in New York. And I got to try theater because that's really what I want to do. And I wanted to be on Broadway and do film and TV if possible. And I'd rather regret the things I did than the things I never tried. And I was just terrified when I graduated college that, you know, I don't want to be 50, you know, and be in some job I got after college because I was. was nervous when I was 21.

And then what am I going to do? I'm going to be married. I'll have kids by then. I'm supposed to sit the family down when I'm 50 and say, you know, I've had this theater bug inside me all along. I'm going to go and really get it out of my system. And you're like, Dad, you've got to take me to soccer. Like, I just, I don't know.

I think about my future a lot that way. That's why at the beginning of this interview, I talked about Ryan 2030. Like every decision I make today has to make sense for me 10 years from now. Now, otherwise, I don't do it. right why would I do it what do you set goals for 2030 like financial goals business goals the size of your new company I mean do you actually have those goals mapped out for that that that long a period of time yeah I mean we have we have massive micro goals throughout every year okay weekly monthly quarterly bi annually and annually and my goal is to always beat them and exceed them

but I have to have those goals otherwise I'm running around with my head cut off like a chicken Like I got to have goals so that I can get to them. And that's really, really important to me. And I also really like my routines. And so like the routine of my day keeps me sane, keeps me hungry and helps me get there. And all those big goals are broken down into things that I can do every day, right, that are micro wins to get me to those larger goals. And then we have a business plan that's broken down and kind of where I want to be by five and ten years.

Can you, I've read a lot about your routines and rituals and it seems like that. The consistency of them is a big key to you accomplishing what you do. Can you share some of your, what your routine looks like on a typical day and why those actions are important to hit Ryan 2030? Sure. So, I mean, I, I, I wake up early. I'm up at four. I'm in the gym a little bit before five, a little bit before five.

I'm out of the gym by six. I shower, kind of go through everything, get ready, get the baby at seven, and I'm out the door to work, first appointment's office, whatever I'm doing by 7.30. The car is kind of like my mobile office, and then I'm in appointments for, you know, basically every 15 minutes, give or take. My life basically operates within 15 minute increments. and I kind of break down the day to a thousand minutes every day. So every day I wake up and I'm the CEO of my own bank of time, right?

And I've got my thousand minute rule. And that's how I operate. And I feed those minutes with a lot of things to do. And I always make sure I stay busy because I know it's very important to me that as long as I stay productive and I'm busy and I'm doing things every day, I will not fail because I'll be too busy to fail. because if I am not busy, then I'll be left to my own thoughts. And then I won't be doing enough. And then that's when kind of overthinking takes over action. And I don't ever want to put myself in that position.

And so I'm booked in appointments every 15 minutes, basically throughout the entire day. Two nights a week, Monday through Friday are my nights to put the baby to bed. And then I'll typically go back to work or just handle work stuff from home after that. Saturdays are for the baby. And Sundays, I'm appointments running around, office, cleaning up, prepping for the week ahead. I think the biggest thing for me is kind of what I would realize it is, you know, I was asking around. And most people I knew, you know, were kind of, you know, starting their day waking up, let's say some, you know, some people kind of like six, six, 30, but I found kind of the average to be around like seven-ish, right? Seven.

So I figured, okay, if I wake up at four and get my day started at four, Let's say I just do it Monday through Friday. And so I do it Sunday through Friday, but let's say I do it Monday through Friday. I have an extra three hours on my day that those people don't have. Okay. And I don't really count, you know, people's end of night hours as bonus hours because typically they're not doing anything or they're watching TV and it's not going to bed. So if I have an additional three hours on my day, three hours times five days a week, times four weeks a month, times 12 months is 7.5. 20 hours, right? 720 hours divided by 24 hours in a day is 30 days. So if I wake up at four

and my competition wakes up at seven and we have the same year, I have an additional month ahead of them. And I don't know about you, but if I'm running a race and someone gives me a full lap head start, I'll take it, right? And so that, and that's a, so that's a big part of it. I think people know that math. There's a difference between putting that theory into action than just having the theory, though. It takes an immense discipline to get up at four o'clock every day and also go to bed at an hour where you can get up and be productive at four o'clock every day.

So there's a difference between the theory and then the actual behavior. Where does this discipline come from? Is it just this, this desire to be excellent at the craft? The money is it all of the above? Where does it, where does the discipline come from? To be honest, I can't do what I do unless I do it, right, unless I do this. Like I've, it's like, I don't wake up at four and like jump out of bed and start singing, right? I'm annoyed every day.

Like, I'm tired. But it's, but I don't complain because it's the job, right? If I didn't do it and then I complained, it's like it doesn't make sense. And I'm doing it for myself, right? myself, my family, my company that has my name on it. Like I find it so hard to understand why people don't, you know, do more things that'll better their own lives and take care of themselves and take care of themselves in the future. Like the things that I do, like waking up early is 1,000% in my control, right?

That's a big part of that discipline is I want to do things every day that'll make my life better that are within my control because there are. so much in my career that is out of my control. I'm a real estate broker. I don't get, I've got sellers who change their mind, you know, because they talk to an astrologer. You know, I got buyers who changed their mind because they lied to me and went and bought something out. Like, I don't control any of these people. I don't control all the brokers. I don't control the financial markets. I don't control the pandemic. So I want to make sure that what I can control, I do, right? I do every day. And if I can get a head start on the game at the beginning,

of every year, right? That's really important to me. I mean, I guess I would be lying to say if discipline wasn't a big part of my upbringing, you know, my dad was incredibly strict to the point where, you know, just resented him a lot growing up because we weren't allowed to do the things my friends were allowed to do, you know, wasn't allowed to play, you know, wasn't allowed to play, you know, even like wasn't allowed to play video games, wasn't allowed to stay up late, wasn't allowed to do anything, you know, there was, you know, he hung a wooden paddle in the house, if we acted out of line. Like, you know, he made us work.

You know, we started working when I was seven. You know, and he really drilled into our head the value of the dollar, right? And so we don't work for free, paid us, sort of. But if we wanted something, we had to work for it. Like my first video camera, you know, it was yard work, lawn work, painting other people's fences, you know, my little, my shoveling and snowblowing business. you know, in the winters in Boston. My first sales job, I had, you know, was wood cutting, right?

We made it like, we would sell cords of wood. My little brother and I, when I was 10, you know, I think that really stuck with me and is pretty evident in the work I do today. And one of the difference in the things that we've seen for those who have watched your life is that you're a dad now. You're married and you're a dad, which is different from at the beginning of this. How has that changed you as a person and as a real estate broker? Or has it?

Yeah. You know, my wife calls it male nesting. I think she looked it up and it was a thing because the minute we found out we were pregnant, I just started working more. And she was like, I think because at first she was hurt, right? Because she thought I needed to be home and be with her and that I'd want to be with her while pregnant. And then I think she talked to someone and she said, no, no, no. no, no, no, no. He's, he's going out to work harder. Like, that's what, like, you know,

that's what, like, the Greeks would do, you know, he's building because he's about to have responsibility in a way that he never had. And he's got this, you know, little Greek warrior princess about to be born. Um, uh, my wife is Greek. Um, and, uh, and she, I don't know, she's made everything much bigger for me, right? I'm not just Ryan, the real estate agent anymore. Now I'm Ryan, kind of the CEO of a firm and I'm leading something much bigger than myself. And I want her to know that the things that I do are totally possible for her as well. You know, like in like the business that I have now. Like I hire as many, you know, women as possible.

You know, I'm sitting in a room right now where the people that run the business for me are all women. And I mean, not just because I have a daughter. It's definitely because they're all better than all the men that I interviewed for the same roles. But, you know, it's, it's nice to know that she will be able to see that her dad, you know, was, you know, came from a place that would be, you know, beneficial to girls forever and that she can do whatever. She absolutely wants to because her dad once came to New York with very, very, very. little money, hand model to pay the bills and built a real estate empire at a pure fortitude. I don't know. What about the balance is a buzzword right now?

And I think it's kind of impossible. But I'd love to get your take on this balance between being at home and your presence, meaning being with your family, your wife and your child versus selling real estate and running a business or businesses and a team. How do you manage that? Because this is a question that is posed constantly. And I'd love to hear your mental framework around that. Yeah. I have no balance. I mean, I'll just be honest with you. Like I, I, I, I, uh, I really like to work. And I found a partner, a wife who understands that and who doesn't give me shit about it and really likes that I like to work.

And it's part of our deal, you know, I've got compromises on time. I've got compromises on things. She also really likes to be in Greece. So, um, and so being with me allows her to do that in the summers as I work and build. And, um, it just works really, really well for us. What I love to be with the baby right now in the playground, because I think that's where they are right now. It's four o'clock. Yeah.

Yeah. But I also really like talking to you. And I really like, you know, the deals that I got to put together right after this. And tonight's one of my nights that I got to get home and put the baby to bed. So I really look forward to that. All my clients know that I talk to you today up Friday. This is one of your second nights, right, Ryan. This is you, right, right?

You're going to do it. Okay, cool, cool, cool. We got to get you home. We got to get you. Like, I make people a part of it. so that there's no guilt there. But my priority, because I have a great wife and help, you know, in raising Zina, is to build right now. Because, dude, like, I'm 36.

I don't, I'm, I get much more tired now than I did when I was 26, you know. And before I know it, I'm going to be 46, and then 56 and 66. So while I have the energy and while like my back doesn't hurt 24 hours a day, I'm going to do as much as I possibly can because life is going to slowing down on purpose. And at that point, I don't want to regret anything. I don't want to regret having been slow before because I was trying to go after this kind of balance. One of the natures of your business and I think that you've taken on and done a good job with is in a way you have to be a great. self-promoter. You've got to market yourself. You have you have seems to be a full team. I've watched a ton of YouTube videos that your your team produces. They're funny. But they're certainly promotional.

You are promoting yourself. And I would imagine when you do that, you create people who could be like, you know how people get. I don't like that guy. He seems to be into himself. He seems to be full of himself. A lot of people don't like people who they deem as self-promoters. How do you manage that? Or is that even in your mind at all to even think about the downside of all of the self-promotional part of your work. I'm a salesman, you know, and we all are at the end of the day. You know, this podcast, you know, if your questions are riveting and great and people listen to it and they like it, you are promoting your ability to create a great podcast, which will bring more people to the table and listen to more podcasts, which will bring in more advertisers and so on and so forth.

Like whether we say we're not promoting ourselves, you know, or not, we are. I just, I just don't hide it, right? I, you know, a lot of people hide it. A lot of people self-promote, but they don't, they don't talk about it. They're like, well, no, I don't like people who do that. No, no, no, no, no, I don't like. But you should, you should definitely read my articles or you should come to my store. You should totally, because we have the best, this, this.

Like, dude, everyone. for most themselves. And if they don't, I don't know how they operate in today's world, right? Because any business needs to be promoted and no one gives a shit, no one cares.

So the only person that's going to care the most is you. And the more people who know what I sell, the better. And I've grown my entire business on my ability to shout my success from mountaintops. It's the only way I've met certain people, right? And I think the clients that I work with and the business that I do is with people who are of a similar mindset. Are there people that don't like me for sure?

The people that are never going to work with me, absolutely. But I also don't know how I would ever have the time to work with seven and a half billion people. So no problem. Like, I don't have to work with those people. They can work with other people. It's totally fine. Was there a moment, though, you had to push past the fear of, I think a lot of people, I'd probably put myself in this boat at times, the fear of thinking,

a bit about, ah, yeah, I don't like that guy, you know, or has this just been the way you are? Or because I think of Steve, Frederick, and you all have to, you're all different guys. I really enjoy. It's a super entertaining show for people who somehow don't watch it. You probably do if you're listening to this. But, but I don't think any of you guys lack confidence. And I think people are drawn to that. There's a charisma there.

You could lead people. And I'm just wondering like the stages that it took to build that up because it also, it seems that you lack all three of you in a way, lack fear of promoting how excellent you are at what you do. Yeah. Our job is to promote our success. It's the only way I get my next job. Think about an actor and a movie. Like the movie does well. They're promoting how great they are.

and the award season, commercials, you know, articles, this, that day, so that they can book their next job. We are as real estate agents and salespeople are incredibly similar. And so I would not get other business if people didn't know what I sold. So like I said, the more people who know what I sell, the better. Building that confidence, though, is definitely a process. That's kind of, I just wrote a book called Big Money Energy that is all about that process. you know, kind of step by step, how I went from being, you know, I wasn't this way my entire life.

I mean, I guarantee it. Like when I just wanted to do theater, I was very introverted. It's very quiet. You know, we were talking about that self-audit. You know, when I did that with a friend named Alex, he was like, you know, he was like, yeah, the really shy kid who stares to the ground when he walks. Really? Yeah. And that really, and that really weirded me out because I didn't know I did that.

I didn't know. And I realized I did it because, you know, growing up high school and college, I had really, really bad skin. And so I was so self-conscious about it. When I, you know, when I did have bad skin, I would look at people in their eyes and I would see their eyes dart to my face. And it made me self-conscious. And so I just, I guess muscle, memory, whatever in my defense mechanism was, okay, well, I just won't make eye contact with people. So I don't have to feel bad. So when I would walk, I would just keep my eyes on the ground.

And I guess that's really weird for people. And so that was like a thing that I had to really dig into and say, oh, wow, I still do that. Oh, wow. Like, I need to really think about how I think about myself and how I put myself out there. And if I, if I'm self-conscious about myself, then I'm going to give out the perception of myself as somebody who's not confident and that's going to be how people know me. But if I'm confident in who I am and what I bring to the table, then that's going to be my perception and then I'm going to be able to attract other confidence. The people who spend

millions of dollars on homes are not people who lack confidence, especially the clients that I work with, right? They are, they got to where they are, they got the money they do because they're confident in their abilities and whatever their profession is. And so, you know, I think it's what took me a while and there was definitely steps and there's definitely a blueprint for how you get to that point. and how you build that unshakable confidence so that you can start being the person you want to be. I find it very hard to believe that there are people out there that were like me who are incredibly shy, keep their eyes on the ground, and honestly with themselves, just want to be alone for the rest of their life. like those are people that lost control at some point when they were a little kid and something

happened someone took up from them I don't know and so they've convinced themselves that that way of life is their best option when it just doesn't have to be you know and so that's been a big thing in 2020 obviously because there's been a lot of struggle and so going into 2021 I've kind of made it one of my missions to to help people find the best versions of themselves so they can lead a better life and a bigger life and be comfortable promoting your own success. Like, it's okay. It's fine. What does big money energy mean? Big money energy is that unique set of qualities that every successful, confident person has. When I first got into the real estate business in New York, I would see great brokers, developers,

bankers, attorneys, you know, titans of industry, walk into rooms like they own them. Not they weren't assholes. Like, there weren't jerks, right? They humbly confident, but you could just tell. The way they carried themselves, the way they shook hands, the way they made eye contact, the way they talked, what they knew. Like you, those people had great energy, right? It wasn't small energy. It was big energy. And it was big money energy. And that was something I didn't have, right? I wanted, I wanted big energy. I also would like like to have money so I could pay bills and have a better lifestyle. And it was really big magnetic energy. Right. And so what I wanted to figure out, and it took me like two and a half years to

figure it out, but I did. And that's what's in the book, is how do I self-create big magnetic energy so that I can be somebody who can walk into a room and have people attracted to what I have to say so that I can attract other success instead of just having to go out and find it every single day. That's a big part of what my job is, right? Go out, find success, find success every day. I want success to come to me. And that's what people who are successful have the ability to do. What were some of the, I know there are a lot of codes. Maybe you can, and I know we have to go soon, but I want you to get to your family. What is a code or two that maybe you like to highlight from big money energy that you think would be a good takeaway for someone who is in the middle

of leading a really good career. They're in a senior level job. They have ambition. They want to grow. They want to get better. They want to take ownership of rooms, right? All of those things that you're talking about. Maybe what's a code or two you would highlight right now? Yeah, there's there's codes to the book. There's 16 of them that I kind of pulled out as I was writing it and formatting it over quarantine because that's when I wrote it. The first one is when you can't change your circumstance, there's one thing you can't change your energy. And that is for anybody who, like myself at the time, I couldn't change how much money I didn't have, couldn't change where I was from, couldn't change, you know, a whole lot of things, so much I couldn't control. But what I could control was my energy, because what I'm selling every day is energy.

I don't sell apartments. The apartments are the widget. I sell a transfer of energy between buyers and sellers. My excitement and the energy with which I talk about the homes that I sell are what people buy into. And so when you can change your energy, you can completely change your life. I would say, what's another code that I think is good for people today? But there's a lot. Let me focus on energy real quick.

Yes, sure. You said you can change your. I think that you could be like, what does that exactly mean in practice? So if you get tactical with, is that mean your attitude and the effort? Because I know as a dad, that's one of the things we talk about, like, hey, you can't control a lot of things. But two of the things that you can control every day is the attitude you bring to the environment, as well as the effort you take to it.

So don't do it unless you're going 100% maximum effort and great energy. As a leader, you're the emotional thermostat of your team. You get to make that happen. Is that what you mean? What do you mean as far as, because energy is kind of a weird word in that, in that regard. Like, what is Ryan talking about there for me, in my job, in my life, what I can do. Yeah, sure. So everyone's life is totally different.

Energy is going to be defined as something pretty relative. to everyone, depending on what their situation is. But it comes down to three things, right? It comes down to developing magnetism so that you are the type of person that people want to be around and they want to talk to. And you break that down into a lot of different pieces, but it's, you know, it's your ability to ask questions, right? It's your ability to listen and respond instead of listening to reply, right?

It's your ability to create friendships instead of creating clients and so forth. Building new energy is also about creating a shift in your mindset. So there's a lot of mindset that goes into it. Like we were talking about waking up early. Why do you wake up early? You're never going to do it if you tell yourself just to do it. If you say, well, I was listening to that podcast, Ryan said he woke up before. He's great.

He does stuff. I'm going to wake up at the floor. You're going to do it one day and that's it because it sucks. right, you've got to change your mindset to figure out what your real why is. Like, what is your why? What's your why? And what is that wall, right? What's that thing that you are fighting against? What's that thing you're running from? For me, right? For me, it is, I distinctly remember having no money and living in New York City and going to the grocery store and not being able to buy tofu at the time. And I remember that day. I remember that day. I remember

crying in the subway, holding back tears, and thinking about this fucking sucks, I hate this place, New York sucks, I'm moving home. I'm going home. I can't do this. Right. That's my wall. I run from that day every day. And I think about that with every deal I make. Every deal I make, every person I hire, I think about that all the time because I'm never far from that, right? So figure out what your wall is, what your why is, right? And then you've got to figure out what your motivation is. Okay. It's kind of my three Ms, magnetic, right, mindset, motivation. What is your motivation? That's going to get you up early. What's your motivation that's going to allow you to choose sunny skies instead of rainy clouds every day? Because it's easier to choose clouds,

so much easier to stay in bed, choose those clouds, dude, misery loves company, everything's there, but it's fine. It's so much easier to do how much harder it is to smile, how much harder it is to be happy and be excited. It's like a lot. I think scientists have actually looked in that. I think it's a lot more effort. It's a ton of work. Right. So if you can change, if you can change your mindset to affect your motivation, you can totally change your energy. And there's a lot more that goes into it than that. That's in the book. But I think that's a good starting place. Love it. Ryan. Just one more question. And you got to run to the family. And big money energy certainly is is a worthy the investment of your time and money.

When you think about others in your industry who are excellent at the craft, they are really good at it, what are some of the common characteristics and or behaviors of those people? If you want to describe people that maybe listeners may know because they watch the show or anybody else, what is it that separates the ones who are consistently sustaining it over time crushing it versus the ones who are not. Yeah. The ones who are crushing it, okay, are incredibly organized. And if they're not, they have somebody hired or multiple people hired who are incredibly organized. There's a significant amount of follow up in this business, follow up, marketing, advertising. You must be organized. Otherwise, you will be a complete mess.

You'll be a mess. You'll be a lunatic. And then you'll be one of those people who's busy, busy, busy, busy, busy all the time. But you'll never reach your goals. You'll complain all the time. And 10 years will go by in the blink of an eye. And they'll be doing the same kind of business you've always done. Right.

So they're incredibly, incredibly organized. They're also incredibly disciplined and have a relentless work ethic. They will drop anything for a deal. They will do anything they can to do. more business and to expand. I would say the best are also incredibly empathetic, right? Which means a lot, but it is the ability to be excited with a client when they're excited, sad when they're sad, understanding what they're going through whenever they're going through

it. Because there's going to three types of salespeople, and this goes to all sales, not just real estate. You have the car salesman who just Pushes, pushes, pushes, pushes, pushes, buy now, deal, deal to four tires for the price of one. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. That'll work on a very small section of the population, and then it'll work on no one else. There's also very, very little repeat business for that guy because he's just going for that deal, that moment right now. You then have the tour guide, okay? Who's just pointing at things, right?

Not really paying attention to what you're doing or saying. Maybe we'll answer some questions, but otherwise they're just pointing. This is a building. This is a kitchen. This is a toilet. it. This is a window. Now let's go to the next one. Those people will do a small amount of business with people that just are going to buy anyway, but they won't do a whole lot of repeat business because they won't be memorable. No one's going to know them. The third salesperson, the one who

ends up being the most successful, is the one who understands the balance between push and pull and the one who works for the deal only. I tell all my clients when I meet with them and say, listen, you're probably meeting with a lot of brokers who're coming in here and they say they're going to work for you. I'm not going to work for you. If you want me to be roses and sunshine and rub your belly and tell you how beautiful your bright orange kitchen is, I can do that. I'll probably bring in someone else on my team to do that. But you're hiring me because you want to sell for the best price possible. You want to sell it now and you're hiring the best broker. So I work for the deal and I'm going to get the deal done.

And some people, some people don't like that, but most people, they're honest with themselves, do. And those people do the most business. Ryan, thank you so much for investing your time today. Where would you send viewers, listeners to find more out about you online? I mean, my new book is Big Money Energy. It just came out. I'd appreciate anybody who reads it, who gets it.

And I'd love anyone's feedback. back, but you can go to big moneyenergy.com. Bring it to my website, Ryan Surhanat.com. Everything is there. Are you guys filming now? Always, dude. We've been filming this season for two years. Seriously.

So when's it coming back out on? This spring. COVID shut us down. Yeah. But we filmed on our phones, you know, for that entire time. So I have no idea what the season's going to be like, but it's going to be kind of all over the place. Okay.

Well, thanks again, man. Big Money Energy. Really appreciate it. And I would love to continue our dialogue as we both progress. man. This is great stuff. I appreciate it. Thanks, man. Awesome. All right, man. Thanks, Ryan. See you. Bye. I have to admit, when Ryan's team originally reached out to me to ask to have him on my show to help promote his work, I was just a little bit skeptical. Now, I am a big fan of million dollar listing. I watch actually all of the million dollar listings. There's New York and L.A. and they've had other cities.

I am fascinated by real estate and the profession of selling. And so when you put all that together, it's actually, I think, an entertaining show. Maybe a guilty pleasure for me, but nonetheless, I still enjoy it. And then I saw the title of his book was Big Money Energy. And again, I thought, I don't know how that's going to go over. But I have an open mind and I'm willing to try some things. And I have to tell you, I am so glad that I had Ryan on the show. I found him to be magnetic and huge energy, great confidence, and much more humble than I thought.

Now, I don't know if everyone will have that viewpoint, but I certainly did. And so I hope you enjoyed this one. A few of my notes, self-promotion when he said, our job is to promote our success so that we can book our next job. or I'm paraphrasing, but essentially the reason that he's wide open about sharing how well it's going is in order to get the next gig. And I feel the same way with what I do, in fact. At times, I'm quite nervous to promote my work. But as Adam Grant told me, it don't feel like it's self-promotion, feel like it's promoting

the work that will help other people. And the greatest reward for doing well, in my opinion, is the opportunity to keep doing it. it. So if you want to keep being a real estate broker or keep being a keynote speaker or a podcaster or someone who writes books, you've got to promote the work in order to hopefully continue to get more of that in the future. And then I was also, it was really interesting to hear about his routine and how he actually run the math and the numbers by waking up three hours earlier than most people, how he's created an extra month for himself each year. And he likes his odds having more time. The fact that it's not easy.

And in fact, it's incredibly hard, but it's within our power to wake up earlier and to work more and to work harder. And that, again, that's not a trick. That's not really even a tip. It's just having the willingness and the discipline to get up and do it. And then I love his mantra. This has stuck with me for years since I've heard him say it. Expansion always and all ways. Thinking of creating your personal mantra and how it's important to you and how it's meaningful to you.

And doing that audit where you ask your friends. what do you say about me when I'm not around? Because that's really what you're known for. And think about what do you want to be known for? Once again, I hope you enjoyed this one as much as I did. I certainly was entertained because you continue to spread the word and tell a friend or two. And because you write a review and rate the show, hopefully five stars on Apple Podcast, you continue to give me the opportunity to do what I love on a daily basis.

And for that, I will forever be grateful. Thank you so much. Talking soon, can we?