The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk - 562: Nikki Glaser - Life as a Comedian, The Creative Process, Learning From Seinfeld, How To Respond When You Bomb on Stage, Roasting Robert DeNiro, & Telling The Truth

Episode Date: January 8, 2024

Order our new book, The Score That Matters. https://amzn.to/3RTU399 Text Hawk to 66866 to become part of "Mindful Monday." Join 10's of thousands of your fellow learning leaders and receive a carefully curated email from me each Monday morning to help you start your week off right... Full show notes at www.LearningLeader.com X/IG: @RyanHawk12   https://twitter.com/RyanHawk12 Nikki Glaser is one of the funniest female voices in comedy today. For nearly two decades at clubs across the country, stand-up comedian, actress, podcaster, and TV host. In July of 2022, she headlined her first HBO comedy special, GOOD CLEAN FILTH, which has been nominated for a Critics Choice Award for Best Comedy Special. Nikki was a standout at the Comedy Central Roasts of Alec Baldwin, Bruce Willis, and Rob Lowe, which led to her guest-hosting JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE! Nikki is currently on her nationwide and international comedy tour, THE GOOD GIRL TOUR, which kicked off in January 2023. Before coming on The Learning Leader Show, Nikki has done in-depth interviews with Howard Stern, Marc Maron, Conan O'Brien, and Joe Rogan. Notes: When Nikki is bombing on stage, she has a great method to reset. "Just say what's true." "Everyone is putting on a mask. Everyone is trying to present in a different way. If you just say what's true, it's the funniest." Nikki is a professional "noticer of things." This is why I think great stand-ups are modern-day philosophers. They notice things and then have a way to share them in a unique and funny way with all of us. We laugh because they've said what's true, but have done it in a way that we haven't thought of before. As leaders, we should be more aware and notice things more often. The writing process: "You need to pay attention constantly to everything to see what could potentially be a joke. Sometimes, in the middle of a conversation with a friend, I'll tell them to hold on because I need to take out my phone and type something funny that I just saw. If you don't write it down, you won't remember it." Just get started. What advice for someone who wants to do something? You have to do it. The way to get good is to get going. Nikki has become one of the premier comedians in the world because she's pushed past her fear and signed up for the things that she's not sure she can do. Last comic standing at age 20, celebrity roasts, hosting TV shows. She wasn't necessarily ready for any of the work she agreed to do, but she did it anyway and then figured it out. We all can learn from that. Nikki is the voice of Dave Matthews Band radio on Sirius/XM Radio. She had terrible stage fright when she was younger. Nikki would have insomnia for weeks before a classroom presentation and shake the entire time. Her first TV appearance was on Last Comic Standing when she was 20. Nikki waited in line at open auditions in Chicago in the snow. "I always wanted to be a singer. But I think that I'm also someone who's not very comfortable with sincerity and emotions." (She placed third on her season of The Masked Singer) Nikki is starting her own Taylor Swift cover band. Meeting Jerry Seinfeld – "We're walking through the bowels of the casino, and I get over to his greenroom and he greets me," Glaser said. "And he was like, 'I'm such a fan, I've watched everything you do. I pull up your YouTube clips all the time whenever I want a laugh. And you've got it, girl, you have the voice...' Jerry Seinfeld identifies "taste and discernment" as the ultimate skill of great artists. In every creative field, Seinfeld says, the dividing line between those who succeed and those who fail is the ability to discern good and bad: "It's one thing to create," Seinfeld says. "The other is you have to choose. What are we going to do, and what are we not going to do?' This is a gigantic aspect of artistic survival. It's kind of unseen, what's picked and what is discarded, but mastering that is how you stay alive."  

Welcome to the Learning Leaders Show presented by Insight Global. I am your host, Ryan Hawk. Thank you so much for being here. Text Hawk to 6-6-866 to become part of Mindful Monday. You, along with tens of thousands of other learning leaders from all over the world, will receive a carefully curated email for me each Monday morning to help you start your week off right. You'll also receive details about how my new book, The Score, That Matters will help you become a more effective leader. Text Hawk to 66866.

Now, on to tonight's featured leader, Nikki Glazer. A world-class stand-belt comedian, actress, podcaster, and TV host. She's a star of the reality show Welcome Home Nikki Glazer on E. She's also released multiple stand-up comedy specials for Netflix and HBO. She's known to fearlessly tackle the complexities of modern dating and relationships in her comedy, offering hilarious and relatable insights. During our conversation, we discuss Nikki's creative process

and how she's become a professional, quote, noticer of people and why she's always documenting moments in her life that could end up as a story to tell on stage. Then she shares what she learned from Dave Chappelle and Jerry Seinfeld about comedy. She also talked about an amazing piece of self-talk she uses when she's bombing on stage. And I think it's something we can all use for ourselves when things aren't going that well. This conversation is unlike any I've had. And I'm sure some people will not like it.

But I appreciate and value a diversity of thought. And I think Nikki provides that. Now, if you are offended by colorful language, you should sky. skip this episode. However, if you aren't, then buckle up and please enjoy my conversation with the great Nikki Glazer. Nikki, it is awesome to have you here on the Learning Leader Show. Welcome. Hi, Ryan. Hey, how are you? I'm so good. How are you? I'm good. I've been watching you a lot lately on all your specials. The Roast. Wow. Yeah. So good. But I am excited to dive into your creative process and I love stand-up comedy and you're one of the best in the world

at it. So I'm thrilled to have you here today. I'm so excited to be here. Thanks for, yeah, it's nice to be considered a leader in any way or up there with CEOs and just rich people and stuff. And just people who I look up to it. I'm like, how do they do it? It's like anyone would consider. I know a lot of people look at comedians go like, how do they do it and put us on a pedestal when we, well, some of us put ourselves up on a pedestal. Not me so much. much. But maybe I will on this episode. Maybe we'll find a way. I do. I don't know how you go. I'm amazed. I'm going to sit on a pedestal right now. Let me find one. Okay. I'm sure I have one sitting around here. Okay, great. That feels better.

Especially though, because I read that you had terrible stage fright when you were younger. Yeah. Yeah, it's so ironic. Like insomnia for weeks at school. Yeah. What happened? Yeah. I was just classically one of those people that was suffered from just insane stage fright in a way that none of my friends did. No one around me did. I had no one to really turn to for any help on it. I felt like such a weirdo, but I would shake so much that it would be noticeable. My knees would buckle. I couldn't talk. The idea of giving a class presentation was just the most horrifying thing to me in the world. And this probably started in sixth grade is when it, I think around the time where you start to have feelings for boys and there's popularity and there's suddenly you're not a kid anymore.

I think it was around that time where I was like, oh, I was developing an ego, I guess. And I couldn't handle it. And the idea of having to present anything would scare me so much that I couldn't sleep. And I would, I was just to have extreme anxiety about it. And my parents were starting to be like, we have to take you to a specialist or something. Because they would have to call to school and have me do class presentations during recess for my teacher alone because I just couldn't do it in front of the class. I would come up with every project I would present. I would try to find a way to make it glow in the dark so I could give the presentation in the dark.

so no one would see me shaking. I was very creative with it. And they would be like, why don't you just tell us about the solar system with the lights on and then we'll turn it off and we'll see your diorama. I'm like, that's not the way I planned it. I would just shake so much and be so embarrassed.

And then I just, and then this was around the time that I decided I wanted to be an actress just by watching TV and loving sitcoms, friends, Seinfeld. That was when that obsession started for me. And that kind of dream started. So it's, I had, I had to figure it out.

I had to find a way that I got over this fear. And it helped to see that a lot of people didn't have this fear. So it made me feel like, well, this is probably unfounded. But I couldn't help it. And also when my parents threatened to take me to a specialist and they made it like, you're weird. Like we need doctors for you. That kind of made me snap to and say, okay, I got to do this on my own.

I'm a person that didn't get a lot of emotional help from my parents, not because they were bad people, but because they just had me young. I don't think they were emotionally supported in their own life. So I just, I realized that a lot of times in my life, I had to just save myself or figure out a way, not wait for help, but just do it myself and buckle down and do it. So I signed up for a play. I signed up to audition for a play. And then I got too nervous to audition because you'd have to do it in front of everyone. It was like everyone would be in a circle and they would just call you up to audition in front of everyone.

And I went to it and then I ran away. And then my dad called the teacher, the director of the show. and was like, my daughter's too scared to audition, but she really wants to be an actress. And he was like, okay, well, we'll give her the understudy role for the lead. Like, he was just gave it to me, sight unseen,

and which was really nice. And I owe so much to that moment because then being the understudy and, like, being forced now, I have a role. I have a job. Like, I have to do this. I can't get out of it. Really made me get over it. I think that's what so many people have to do

to unlock their fears as you have to set yourself up to have to do it in a way that you can't back out. and you'll just figure out a way. So I think much of my career and my successes have been saying yes to things that terrify me, i.e. the roasts doing a special before I think I'm ready being on last coming standing before I thought I was ready. Everything that it scares me, I have to say yes to.

And then I just go, I'll figure it out. And sometimes I get to the moment and I don't figure it out. And it's bad. And I learn from that. And I go, well, I'll never do that again. Or next time I do this thing, I'll approach it differently. And I'm constantly learning lessons up into this point of my life where I just taped my fourth hour special.

And even on that, I'm like, oh, for the next one, I'm not going to do this. And I'm like, how has it taken me this long to do this thing? I've done it four times twice for, once for Comedy Central, once for Netflix, twice for HBO. And I still am going like, why did you do that thing? It's just learning lessons sucks, but I just keep, that's what I always say is I say yes to things that scare me.

And I think that's, you just got to do it. You've got to set yourself up so you can't back out. And I back out a lot of things, I have to say. but I think that is what that made me figure it out. And if you do it enough, you just don't get nervous anymore. Of course I was nervous the first time I went on stage. Did you stand up? Of course I was nervous the first time I went on stage in those middle school plays.

But you know, you're nervous on a first date and then you end up marrying the person and you can fart in front of them. Like eventually you get comfortable where you can be on a couch and go, I can't believe I used to be scared if I had salad in my teeth when I met this person. And I was like, oh, I think he, hopefully thinks my hair looks pretty. And now I wake up next to one with no makeup and bad breath. And eventually you get that comfortable on stage. And you mentioned Dave Chappelle before we started recording, but I remember watching him on stage once at the comedy cellar, and I was next to another comedian.

We were just watching in awe of his mastery at performing seemingly new material on stage and just killing and having us in the palm of his hand. And I just said to my friend, my God, he is more comfortable up there than I am in bed. That is a level of comfort I have not attained yet in any aspect of my life. And he just has. He is just so comfortable being himself. And it's about the hours.

And I just learned that Dave Chappelle went to theater school. Like he learned how to act. He really immersed himself in feeding off an audience's energy. And it's not to say that every comedian that goes to theater school becomes Dave Chappelle, but there is a precedent for it. I always just thought Dave Chappelle just walked on stage the first time. It was great. That was always the kind of the lore about him.

But no, some is inborn talent. But a lot is just practicing and carrying it up. to put those hours in. I just think we convince ourselves so often that, oh, I just don't got it. I don't have it. No, it's so many people don't have it and are able to get it because they work hard. It's most getting it or she's got it. It comes from hard work. And that is something to have. I think of myself as someone who's not a naturally talented person. But what I do have and what I was born with was not an affinity to be the funniest person in the world. But I have a work ethic I was born with that I'm grateful that I was born with that, the ability to really put in the hours,

and that pays off. And that sometimes is the talent. Yeah, the ability to endure, even if you're not brilliant. That's Mayor Eric Adams said that on the show. I remember I identify with that. I can endure. I can stick with it over time. I remember seeing Chappelle at Wiley's Comedy Club, small club here in Dayton, Ohio, when he would just drop in unannounced and test stuff. And I love, that's an element of the creative process. And I am curious for you, Nikki. Is that part of how you create or do you use your podcast for that or both? How do you come up with new stuff? New stuff is really for me.

I'm not a typical comedian. If I was the best comedian I could be, if I was really about efficiency and becoming the best, it would be writing every single day, doing morning pages, a la the artist's way, purging out that stuff, then spending an hour writing and perfecting, listening to old recordings, taking notes on that. But what my process is, that is good enough because it's, For me, I need to enjoy the process and I don't really enjoy that stuff. I don't like listening to my voice.

I don't like going over things. I would be so much better if I did. Oh, my God, the things I could do. If I did a different process that I know my favorite comedians or some of my favorite comedians actually do use, I do that process during specials, preparing for specials, and I see the amount of growth that happens in that month or two before a special where I'm like, oh, my God, the pressure's on. So now I'm working really hard.

If I sustain that all the time or just even half of that, I would be fucking amazing, but I've just settled for the mediocrity of, which I still work hard. But most of my job is just showing up. Like, I say I'm going to do tour dates and I show up. And I, that night, I'm like, I got to put on a great show. So most of my jokes are written in distress or in a stressful situation where I'm walking on stage or I'm like, I got to come up with something. Like, I got to figure this joke out because I'm about to walk on stage. It's always last minute procrastinating, like under the gun.

A lot of my stuff is under the gun. But when you film an hour and you've done this, what? You said four times. That hour's gone, right? Like you've got to move on from it. How do you view that? Well, I have a little time because it's not aired yet. So now I have a couple months before it's gone.

Right. It's gone. Yes. And you don't do that anymore. But I have like probably three and a half hours right now, including the hour I just maybe I would say two and a half hours. Sorry, didn't mean to say three. Two and a half hours of material right now.

That is just a grab bag that I constantly. I'm grabbing from. And then I just whittled all that down to this hour. And it's not all the best stuff of that three. It's just what was the best for this theme of what I was trying to say with this special. So I have about an hour and a half of material leftover that isn't all A plus, but it's there for me to pull front. So I'm never really in this position of I have nothing.

I'm coming at. There's always something in my cabinet that I can make a meal out of. It might not be the greatest meal and it might not be the ingredients that I necessarily would want to lead with. But right now I'm in that stage after. doing the special where I'm looking back on the things that I have and trying to make the next special out of that and grow it into something. But my writing process actually is paying attention constantly to what could be a joke. And it's not even something I have to try to do anymore because

in the beginning when I first started to be a comedian, I was obsessed with it. When you're like trying to find a new backpack online and you are like searching for the best backpack and then you just start noticing people's backpacks everywhere and you're like, I didn't even care about backpacks before, but suddenly I'm like aficionado. That's what it was like being a comedian originally. I was annoying. Comedians in the first couple years of being a comedian are so obnoxious because they're so obsessed with comedy.

They're so obsessed with changing their worldview to see it through this lens where everything can be funny. Jerry Seinfeld still has that in him. And I'm not saying he's an annoying person, but he still looks at life. Everything's a joke. And I think that I probably do too. I'm just not as aware of it anymore. I have been more vigilant about it in the past few years.

I've been doing it for 20 years now. So I'd say in the past three or four years, I have been better about writing things in my phone, trusting that I'm not that I'm going to remember them, but trusting that I'm not going to remember something, even if it's funny enough in the moment. You got to take out your phone mid-conversation with someone who you are currently present with

during this coffee and say, I'm sorry, what I just said really made you laugh and I have to write it down. And it sucks the air out of the moment sometimes because you go, oh, God, she's like monetizing this thing that she just said off the top of her head. It seems like it takes away.

But the thing is, it was a real moment. It doesn't take away from the fact that it probably came from a really honest, intimate moment, especially my comedy. It comes from the most intimate stuff. So I just force myself now in conversation while I'm driving. If I'm in the shower, if I'm working out, write down, something is funny. Write it down as soon as you can. Don't convince yourself that you're going to be fun that you're going to remember it.

You never, ever will. And so that is, and then when I'm backstage and I'm like, you know what, I'm so bored with my act. I've been doing this same hour and a half, like grab bag of stuff. And nothing is really exciting me anymore. I'm having a trouble telling the jokes like the first time I told them. And I'm like, I'm bored with myself. That's when I go through my notes and I go, okay, what have I jotted down in the past six months?

And I just go through. I have written here deft cunt instead of daft punk. I was like, oh, that's a funny name for a CD or so I couldn't put it on a special. But I just go through my notes of what do I have in here. Yeah. John Bonnet was a triple threat. I don't know what that means. Just dumb things that I've written down that I go, oh, and I, yeah, rape joke and then I have written out the rage.

Place on your body to come. It's like when you're looking for a guy to comb on your body, it's like a mom trying to find a bucket for their kid to pukin. They're like, oh, where? So I've just stuff written down like that that's like non sequitur. A lot of it's totally meaningless. A lot of it will never see the stage. But that's where I go. It's totally different.

It's a quantity thing, right? This is a leadership thing too, Nikki. I think leaders need to be great storytellers because they have to get up in front of their companies or the town halls or the quarterly business reviews. And you can't be boring. Like you've got to be entertaining and part of telling the company's story is you have to be constantly collecting stories to find the good ones. And Adam Grant writes a lot about this. Like the people with the best ideas, they're not just the geniuses or the high IQ people sometimes. But for the most part, it's the people with the most ideas.

because you've got to get rid of all the horrible ones in order to find like the one good one you just did it right now you literally just did it live you just type in so much crap yes there's so much crap in there I've said so many things on stage that get fucking nothing and there's so many comedians that the best comedians the world I've seen you've seen probably at Wiley's

Dave Chappelle throw out some stuff that you go that's a Dave Chappelle joke what is it but you've got to get through that it makes me feel good actually when I've seen some of those because I'm like oh Dave Chappelle told that joke and it wasn't good at all. He's here to try stuff and that in a weird way. It probably makes you as a comedian feel really good. It made me just as a human feel good. Like he actually isn't an alien. Like he's a human being. Yes. He's not funny. Now, there's nothing more I love than seeing people who are flawless be flawed. Yeah. It's so

satisfying. But then when you see a special, you go, you can't compare yourself to people's specials is what I've found. And that's something that I think we all so often do is just compare people, ourselves to people when they were at their best. And even sometimes we compare them when they weren't at their best, but even that's still curated. We have to remember that when people go back and share, this is me when it was hard. They're still curating that. They're not really showing how bad it was. Like you, I promise you, if I ever have footage of me being like a bad comedian and some documentary about my life, I will handpick the best of the bad. Do you know what I mean? I'm not the worst of the bad. I promise you I won't because it's too embarrassing. So I try to

remember that everyone does suck in their own way and you have to suck to get through it. Like I'm trying to become like a songwriter and I'm, but by that I've never written a song because I'm so scared of writing a bad song. And I've all I've heard from all of my songwriter friends, every book I read about songwriting, you have to write a thousand songs, bad songs before you write one good song. And I'm like, I don't want to write one bad song. I want to be lucky right out of the gate. It's just not possible, but I'm still convinced somehow that I can defy that, that somewhere locked inside me is a perfect songwriter. Granted, I've never even written a song and I'm 39 years old, like that somewhere in me is this perfect person that, you know what, if I don't try,

I can always say that she was there and I just didn't let her out. But she was perfect. I just didn't let her out. No, she isn't. She's not, there's a person that's, has to evolve. Like, I'm trying to, I picked up playing guitar during the, during COVID and singing. And I am bad at it. I'm really bad, but I'm bad compared to other 39 year old singers because most 39 year old singers have been singing since they were seven. And most guitar players have been playing since they were 12 at my age. So I'm not comparing myself to 12 year old, to, I am to people my age, because I can't compare myself to Taylor Swift. I'm always going to fall flat on my face. It's going to be embarrassing, especially when I'm singing her songs. I compare myself to the girls on YouTube who are

12 years who are at my level, who are just now playing for two years and singing for a year. You have to compare yourself to people who have been doing it as long, who are in your arena, so to speak, people have said before. And it's just so hard not to when you're so used to comparing yourself to your peers at your age group. Yeah. I am curious, though, how the sixth grader Nikki version grows up and is standing on stage, super poised and calm and absolutely crushes a roast of Robert De Niro. Take me back to that moment. What were you feeling? He's right there, I think, to your left. Yeah. He's a weird look on his face. You call him Alf and then some other things. And I'm thinking, And oh my God, even the people sitting around him,

I don't think they wanted to look at him because they're like, I can't do. No, thank God he's a little bit back. Like they don't put them flush so we can't see them in our periphery. It's a great move based on however they direct to that because you don't want to see them. And you meet these people right before you walk on stage. It's not like we're all at all. Like you're not friends. He doesn't know who I am, which is even the worst thing.

Like me not knowing. I, of course, know of him. He has no idea. He doesn't know of me. Like I think even Alec Baldwin was like, Nikki Glazer's here. I asked, what is a Nikki Glazer? No one knows who I am. So I'm this girl that's just mouthing off and calling these guys, these legends old.

It's a very vulnerable position they put themselves in. And I think it's so admirable. And that's why I try to do the roasts. They work because there is that love there. There's obviously an admiration there. Well, I'm roasting someone like Anne Coulter. There isn't that love there. I tried to fake it just so it didn't seem totally cruel because she's standing there.

But it's easy. That's how I approach it, is that I know that they sign. up for this. I know they're getting paid for this or that their charity is getting paid. They if they didn't know what they were signing up for, they have a bad publicist and that's not my fault. I'm here to do this job. This is what this is. They can give things for us to not write about and we will heed that because we want to be on the show too. So if I offend anyone, it's, well, you asked for it. And I just, I probably disassociate. I just learned that I do this thing on stage. I saw an Instagram post about people that can blur their eyes. And I didn't, I just recently, I guess, knew that this was a thing that some people could do and not everyone could do.

But I always blur my eyes when I'm on stage. I blur my eyes, whatever, I'm at a meeting with a bunch of people that are intimidating. I just, so I don't have to see their eyes looking at me. I don't have to face their judgment. And it's a way to, I've learned from like a trauma therapist that I know that it's a way that people disassociate from things that might be painful. And judgment is painful. so I don't, I never go out on stage and go, oh my God, all these people looking at me. It's a sea of blur.

I can't see anything. Of course, I know they're there. I can hear them. So you don't make eye contact one at a time. It looks like I do because people go, I think you were looking at me. And I go, no, I wasn't. I don't see any. Your face is a blur to me.

I will never see someone not laughing. I can tell when people are laughing because I can see their silhouette moving when like laughter makes you jiggle. Yeah. And you can hear it obviously. But I don't need to see people's faces. And I also don't like. the feeling of looking at someone and then sometimes if you look at someone, they'll start laughing

right away because they're like scared and they don't want you to think that they're rude. And I don't like to force people to laugh at me. I'm like, I'd rather just get it because you think it's funny. I don't want to trick you into laughing. What about a smaller club when like you get, do you ever get drunk hecklers that are talking back? That's like a one-on-one. Do you ever interact like that? Not really. I'm not. I don't really put up with it. I think now I'm more comfortable with it. I used to just really freak out. That's the way for me to get really nervous again and feel like I'm losing them. I just don't have control anymore.

Stand up is really about control. I'm saying this thing, you laugh. I say another thing, you laugh. Like, we have this agreement. I have the microphone. You don't. There's no band here. There's no other, like I am in complete control, which is a, an illusion because you can lose

it so quickly if someone heckles you. And I usually, I just usually shut it down right away because I'm not, I'm not a crowd comedian. That's not where I'm going to shine. If you paid to see me, you're not going to get your money's worth with me just talking to someone. So I've prepared material as something to say. I would think you'd be good at that after watching all the roast. Like how much of the roast is fully rehearsed and pre-written? A hundred percent. It is literally in a prompter. I am reading the words. There's little things that have been like,

you say little aside. When you looked up, when you looked up, I think you were talking about your grandma. And it was like, it just the little things make a big. Yes. But it's all, that is all, I ran that set a million times. There are some people that get up there and wing it and you can tell. And you probably have never seen those because they don't go viral on YouTube because they're not good. And you wrote those jokes. Yes. And I hire people to write for me. So it's a writing team. And every roast comedian does this. No one writes in a vacuum. And if they do again, you would know because it's bad. And it's for some reason, comedians feel this pride of like, I write everything. But then we watch TV shows and we go, Conan's so funny. Well, he has writers. And Seinfeld was so funny. He had writers, but we somehow just let them have all the

glory. But when we find out comedians have writers, we go, what the fuck? And it's like, no, I don't have, I actually hired writers for this last special just to punch up my stuff and to help me craft it. Why wouldn't you? Of course. If you're a, it's stuff I do where you keynote speaking, of course I get tons of help. Of course. Taylor Swift has eight producers working on her stuff and suggesting things. And I think that's when I started realizing like, why am I trying to be this lone wolf when I have all these creative people around me who would lend a hand. And I'm not going to let anything slip. I'm the curator. I'm the one that goes, that's funny. That's not. There's tons of things that would happen in writers meetings or jokes that would. written and everyone is this joke is amazing. I'm like, I don't like it. So we're not doing it. It doesn't resonate with me. And everyone's so in the end, I'm the one who gets to choose. And so I have those rosettes. I just really, yeah, I know that's the biggest platform for comedian. It's the equivalent of doing the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson that it used to be for stand-up comics

where it could change your life. And it did change my life. Like those rosettes really, yeah, I think my career took off after those came out. And yeah, it's just about writing the best joke, which I love. I just love joke writing. And it's about, it's about being, you're right. I think I would be great at crowdwork, but I think it would get too cruel because I am, I'm a very nice person. If you got to know me offstage, I'm pretty much this. I'm really no different than this on and offstage. Obviously, my moods can vary, but I'm a pretty blunt person, but I'm a pretty kind person. So it's people think I'm like, oh, she's the queen of me. And it's not that at all. Like, but I do have a very dark side, as most comedians do. And I can think of horrible things.

about people. And if I let that out, which I do when I'm writing roast jokes, it's not a good place to be. I get pretty depressed when I'm writing roast jokes because you just have to look through the world so negatively and you have to think of the worst things about everyone you look at. And it's just the opposite of positive thinking that we're all told what we should do to be the best versions of ourselves. So I come out of those roasts like, I got to shake this off of me because I'm a miserable person. But you know, you got to go there. And it's fun to go there. Oh, that's so good. What is your writing process? Do you just type a lot on your phone? always stopping, always adding stuff to your phone, and then figuring it out as you go to put an hour together.

Because that's the other thing. I know that some comedians, they have their hour when they go and run the same hour every night, like start to finish, almost no variation at all. Even like the little stuff with the crowd is the same every night. Is that you or are you more? Let me grab from the good stuff and figure it out tonight, and we'll just see where it goes. It's always see where it goes. Like I said, leading into the special, I had two and a half hours of material while on tour that I can just pull from at any time.

So I just probably start with the same opener. And then I get bored of that opener. I changed the opener. But after the opener, just, I don't know where I'm going to go. I just start. Is it scary? It used to be. When I first started out, I would have a set list on stage and I would constantly look at it

and worry that I wasn't going in order. And now I don't think about that at all. I just go up with no plan. I can be in a conversation with you about your mom's hospice and be like, I'm so sorry. That's so, oh, God. And crying with you. And then they'll be like, Nikki Glazer. I'm like, I'll be right back.

And I'm just like, Hi, everyone. I don't need to prepare. It's actually a protective measure for me because I'm so scared of imposter syndrome and I secretly feel that I suck that if I try, then I'll learn I suck. And if I don't try, if I'm always just busy up until the second I walk on stage, if it sucks, I can be like, well, I was busy. I always have this out. And it just works for me. I'm not as good as I could be. When I was preparing for the special, I was doing the thing of having the same kind of our basic structure and taking that out. But I was right. I did new jokes. I taped my special a week ago. This is past Saturday in Seattle. My next special, we were writing jokes right before it,

and I did jokes that I'd never done on that show. That might make it into the final cut. So constantly rearranging things, but I just get up there and I just go. And then new jokes get incorporated because I'll look in my phone and I'll see all those ideas and I'll find a way to weave them into something

because something will always fit, some line will always fit into what I'm saying. And then I can throw it in very lightly. And then the classic comedian thing that always bails you out. If it doesn't get a laugh, you go, well, that was a new one and I'll never do that again. And then everyone laughs because you're saying what's true. And that is the trick as a comedian is if you always say what is brutally true, you'll always get a laugh. And you don't want to say mean stuff like, oh, this woman's fat. We all know it. I'm saying that's not nice. But if you say what's really honest that people are so scared to

say without being cruel, and sometimes you can be cruel, just make sure the person's not there. you will always get a laugh. So an out I have for when I'm bombing or when I've gone down a road and it's not getting anything is to just reset and instead of starting to flail around like I'm stuck in an undertow

and it's pulling me out and I'm fighting against it where it's like this nervous tension where the audience doesn't like the joke you're in and you're just like keep going. I just try to stop and I go, just say what's true. Like what is true right now?

So I'll say, you guys do not like what I'm talking about. this isn't what you expected when you bought this ticket. You're also really questioning my outfit choice tonight. So am I. I bought this dress 10 pounds ago. Let's all be like I just start saying what is what's true. Like I'm uncomfortable right now because this skirt is riding up.

That is what's and everyone's noticed it. I haven't said it yet. Or we're all, we all notice this man's laugh. Like you just find what's happening presently that is so honest that everyone goes, I can't believe she called that out or I can't believe she's saying the thing. Just what is true is always funny. That really is the ticket to what's funny.

What is true that no one else has the balls to say? How do you get the courage to say what's actually true? Because I read a quote leading up to this. You said, everyone is putting on a mask. Everyone's trying to present a different way. So if you just say what's true, that's what's funniest. But you're like, oh, yeah, that's obvious. Let's do that.

But then we don't do it. Most of us don't do it. And you do. So where do you gain the courage to just say what's true as opposed to just putting on some sort of mask? Well, let's take it out of the rose space because roast jokes are true, but they're cruel, right? And so I have a license to do that. I'm hired to do that.

I'm hired to be mean. So if we take it out of that space and we put it in like a stand-up space where it's, or I'm on a morning show where it's maybe you're supposed to be like, really perfect makeup and everyone's cheery and the weather's crazy. And this is about as naughty as we get is like saying to the weatherman, is this your fault, John? Like, that's about as like incriminatory as they get on those shows. And I happen to say something like, yeah, my boobs are. really look at a little flat in this dress. I say something like that. Like I've said boobs, right?

How could she say boobs? I reason there's nothing wrong with saying boobs. Booms is not a bad word legally. And we all have them. I'm not wrong for having boobs. And so I just reason is the thing I'm saying wrong? Is the thing I'm saying trying to hurt anyone? If the thing I'm saying does hurt someone,

will I apologize for? Yes. But if someone gets offended by something I say, there are times in front of my boyfriend's parents where I'll say something and I go, I didn't need to say that and that was weird. But I go back and I go, did you say that to hurt someone? Did you say that to get one in?

If I just said it to be funny or to say something that was true, which I think if it's mentionable, it's manageable. And I think that when we don't speak about true things, we suppress our anger about stuff. We suppress our feelings about things and it builds up and we end up kicking our dog. Suppressed feelings and things that we don't mention, alcoholism and family, mental disorders, where we just all act like things aren't there. It turns into something really horrible.

It turns into abuse. It turns into alcohol. It turns into a drug. It's things that are kept inside are horrible. So I think I always reason I'm doing something good for the world by saying the things that are true. And if it's offensive to people, I will apologize. I do overstep the line sometimes. But I always just have to ask myself, is it true and is it not?

What's bad about saying that? I think I said something, what did I say recently? And I go, well, I have a joke in my act where I say, I was pointing out a guy and across the room and I go, oh, to my friend, I go, oh, it's that guy in the wheelchair over there. And she goes, oh, don't do that. She, like, puts my hand down. I go, what? And she's like, don't say that.

And I go, he knows. Like, he's in a wheelchair. What the hell? And she's like, well, I don't see wheels. And I'm like, well. Come on. Your friend said this? No, they didn't say that.

So I'm like exaggerating. But I do remember, it was based on a circle. This is how I write a joke. That's an exaggerated pullout of a moment where I said, I pointed out someone in a wheelchair and someone goes, that's rude. And I had to be like, is that rude? I think it's not rude because if you think it's mean

to say someone's in a wheelchair, you must think it's bad to be in a wheelchair. I don't think it's bad to be in a wheelchair. Do you? You must, though, if you think it's mean to say that, the same with saying someone's fat. People are fat. And I'll give you an example.

This guy, there was like a paparazzi guy, not a paparazzi guy, but in some cities you go to and you land and they like know where your hotel is, so they'll be waiting out with like pictures of you to sign. And they're always really sweet and they always know about your career. I always love that.

these guys. And it doesn't happen to me that much. I'm not that famous. But when it does, I'm always just like, thanks, guys, you printed all these, your cuties. And I sign them all. But we were pulling away one day and this guy was like running after the car. And my driver thought I was like annoyed by all of this. But I, he does not know that I like love it. And I think these guys are sweet. And so this guy's running after the car, this big, heavyset guy, a fat man. I think fat is okay to say. He was clinically fat. So he's running after the car. And I open the door and he's panting feverishly. because he just sprinted down a long way over this parking lot trying to catch the car. And I go, oh my God, let me sign this for you.

And he goes, oh, my God. And I go, well, you got your cardio in for the year. And I signed it. And he laughed. He goes, the year. And I go, yeah. And I wasn't trying to be mean. I swear to God, I was just trying to exaggerate like how much he ran.

But it sounded bad. So my friend in the car goes, I can't believe you said you got your cardio in for the year, meaning that guy only does that much cardio in a whole year. And I go, I didn't mean. for it to be a joke about him being fat at all. I was not, I was just saying, I would have said it to a skinny person for the year because it was just like he was crazily out of breath

and it seemed like a year's worth of cardio to everyone. But my friend was like, that seemed mean. And I go, oh my God, I felt so bad after it. And then I was like, wait a second, though. That probably was the most cardio he will do. But this man didn't look like he did a lot of cardio. And I don't mean that in a way of what the fuck? He's so lazy.

He's a fat piece of shit. I'm just saying most obese people don't do cardio. that's not a crazy thing to say, right? That is just a fact. People think it's mean, but I don't think obese people are wrong. I don't think obese people are bad. I don't think that not doing cardio is a moral failing.

I don't care. I literally don't care. But other people put it on that. That if you call someone fat, it means you don't like them, that it's a negative thing. If you say someone's in a wheelchair, it means it's a negative thing.

If you say someone got in their cardio for the year and they clearly look like someone who doesn't do cardio, that's somehow mean. I'm just saying he has, blue eyes. It's just a fact. It doesn't mean that he's bad. I'm not trying to be one of these people that doesn't see color. I understand that we live in a society that fat shames and that fat people have a much harder time in society. And I actually am obsessed with the fat acceptance movement because I see how much discrimination happens to fat people. I've dealt with eating disorders on the other end where I

looked like a skeleton walking around and people whispered shit and said rude things. And I realized, oh my God, this is probably what fat people deal with on the other side of things. Eat a sandwich. I got that shit all the time when I was anor- And we can't live in a world where we go, I don't see it. And when we live in a world where we pretend like nothing is what it is, those people end up not feeling seen. We also do it to homeless. We don't want to stare at them because, oh, look how embarrassing it is to be homeless. Look how embarrassing it is to be fat.

So now I force myself to look them in the eyes and stare at them in a way that maybe they sometimes take it as she's judging me and being mean. But I would prefer that than to act like you don't exist because and that's, I'm sorry to go off on a tangent on it. But that's the kind of thing that really bothers me. We shouldn't live in a world where we don't see wheels and we don't see fat. I don't want to ever make someone feel bad about being fat. But to say that's why I love the fat acceptance movement and that people are taking this word that used to be so negative. You used to call someone fat. And now fat people are like, yeah, I'm fat. Yeah, as a fat person, I'm like, fuck yes. I love that because you're being honest. You are a bigger

person. Life is different for you. You deserve to be seen in that way. Let's not talk about this thing. It is their experience. It's just like saying, oh, I don't notice you were black. And my boyfriend the other night made a joke where we were talking about someone being black and he goes, well, I don't see color. And I go, well, even if you see things in black and white, you can still tell when someone's black. Like, even if you're watching old movies, you can tell who's black.

Just say what's true thing is such a great way to live life. Just say what's true. I know when I think about the friends I want to hang out with, I want friends who just say what's true. And I want them to tell me the truth about myself, about things I mess up. And I hope I can do the same for them. I think that's where great friendships. happen is where we can just say what's true.

That is like a phrase I will remember and use a lot. Just say what's true. Without being cruel. If someone's having struggles with their weight, we don't want to call them out. Sometimes it's hard. I will say what's true about my aging face or like my aging body on stage in a comical way.

And the laughs will be so loud that it will be so offensive to me because I'm like, because I'm letting the air out of the room of something that they've picked up on. Well, she does look like a guy or she does. I'll say that. I say in my next special that I look like some kind of famous celebrity. I don't want to give it away because it is hilarious and I don't want you to laugh because you will laugh and it will make my feelings hurt. But sometimes that's what the true things are funny.

And it hurts my feelings sometimes when people laugh and acknowledge the thing I know is true. But there is freedom in that because I hate living in this world where I have to walk around and act like I'm perfect and that I am not aging and that I'm not struggling with the things I struggle with. I like calling them out and having everyone laugh with me because it goes. was, you know what? Yeah, like, I'm not perfect in every way. And that's okay. Like, I had a therapist one time scream at me like, you're not a beauty. You're a pretty girl,

but you're not an extraordinary beauty. And you got to get over this. Because my sister growing up was really pretty and could have been like a supermodel and was constantly talked. Everyone talked about it around me. And as the other sibling, you'd start to develop a complex of, wow, there must be something wrong with me that these two people had sex and they made this person and then they also had sex and made me and I get nothing like and she's getting all this attention for something that she didn't even do like she was just born this way. It made me really angry and I had this and I still have a deep resentment for people that are just born stunning. I just I can't help it but I'm saying what's true. I hate you and I know what's wrong to hate you. You did nothing. You're just pretty and you got

lucky in the genetic pool. You did nothing different than me. It's no amount of facials or guasha or Pilate is ever going to make me look like Giselle Bunchin. And that's just the way it is. But people like to lie and go, no, Nikki, you're beautiful. And it's, yes, I am, but compared to Giselle, no, I'm not. And I'm not, and everyone can debate me on this a million times ago. But Nikki, you're beautiful in different ways. Well, based on an asymmetry of a face and not Machiavellian, but Michelangelo's

diagrams of what beauty is, I am not prettier than Giselle. No one can convince me of it. Yes, you might know me intimately and go, your soul shines through your eyes. Yes, that's great. And I believe you when some people look at me and go, Nikki, you're so beautiful. But let's talk about the just based on, I'm not a supermodel and she is. So obviously there's some truth to that. I would love to be a supermodel.

It seems like a fucking easy job. What I do is so much harder. I would love to be hotter and not have to try so hard to be famous. I have to have a talent because I'm not as hot as I want to be. So I like calling out these truths, but people are constantly. constantly bullshitting people. You're beautiful. Everyone's beautiful.

Every pot has a lid. Some people aren't beautiful. And so when I had this therapist one time go, you're not a beauty. Stop being obsessed with models. You are never going to be a model. No one's ever going to want you to be a model. And it was hard to hear,

but it was so, my friends were all like, I can't believe that therapist said that to you. You should fire her. And I go, I am going to see her more often because I like, I got through it. I had to swallow it. It sucked to.

here, but it was nice that someone was validating my fucking existence. Like, I'm getting feedback from society that I'm not having doors held for me all the time. I'm not getting drinks bought for me all the time. I'm not an ugly woman by any means, but I'm not living life of the tens that I'm friends with. It is not the same life. So thank you to my abusive therapist for confirming that. I like having my reality confirmed with some harsh facts. I recently had a teacher of mine, like I take these lessons, and a teacher recently, it was honestly talk about true. This is one of the most brutal things that's ever happened to me in my life. And I've never talked about it on a podcast, but or publicly.

But my, this person who have spent a lot of time with asked me like, how well do you think we know each other at the beginning of one of our teachings? And I was like, I would say nine out of ten. Like we spent a lot of time together. Like we work pretty intimately together. And he was like, can I ask you a question? And I was like, what the fuck is this going to be? Like I thought maybe he was going to be like, I'm in love with you or something.

I had no idea. I had no idea. And he's, do you wear deodorant? I was like, what? And he was like, you have a B.O. problem. And I was like, I am not a stinky part. I pride myself on taking regular showers, wearing deodorant. At the time, I was wearing natural deodorant. So it all checks out. But I wasn't smelling myself. I wasn't self-aware enough to know that I was stinking up his room every day. And I fell into myself. It was the most embarrassing moment of the past five years of my life since losing Dancing with the Stars being kicked off, dancing with the Stars first. That was the probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But it was a refreshing dose of honesty because now I shower more and I scrub my pits harder and I wear deodorant that works. I'm more vigilant. Like things have gotten better because someone was actually fucking honest with me. We cared. And it really hurt to hear, but it was. He cared about you though, too. Like, he cared about it. He said it because I love you. Yes. That's what I mean. I think the best friends, the best bosses, the best people you can hire whatever. It would have been a selfish act for him to just go about his merry way and act like it didn't exist.

because he cares more about the fear of you getting mad at him than he does about helping you. And this is just one example, but this could happen in so many different areas of life. That's what a good friend is, or that's just like what a good person is willing to tell somebody something that is easily fixable that will help them, but may sting or feel embarrassing at the while it's said. That's just being a good person, though. I wish like more people were like that. I want to be more like that.

I really, he's a very secure person. This is an older person that's been through a lot and has nothing to lose. It doesn't care anymore. And he really did say it. He said, I'm saying this because I love you. And I really took it as that. It was really hard to hear. But I got to say, this is another lesson in my life of the hardest moments in my life.

After they happen, you go, well, that wasn't that bad. I just started wearing deodorant and showering more. And now I don't fear I stink anymore. It's not, it didn't give me a complex. It didn't give me this PTSD. I just. And now I have a better relationship. that person. It didn't change anything. And I'm okay. And guess what? People can tell me anything.

Now I am so resilient because I went through that. If someone tells you you stink and you could tell they've struggled with it, maybe for a couple, they were like, maybe I'll give her a couple weeks to figure this out on her own and it didn't happen. Like he said it was about going on for about a week and a half. So it was like, he probably saw me three times before he said something, which is a good amount of time to let it go. But I just found that those times now the other day, someone was telling me something that was hard to hear. And I go, oh, no, I've been to told I stink this summer. So I really, I can take anything. And it's, I love those moments in your life where you go, I'll never recover from this. I remember looking at him and staring at the ground and going, is this a dream? Because it was just so embarrassing. But, and being voted off dancing with the stars first when I was in a leotard, trying my hardest in sequence at the age of 35, standing proudly on stage being like, I can dance. I figured it out. And then going, you're going home tonight. And first, before a blind woman, before a really old man who can't even move. before a woman who has a broken ankle,

like a woman who literally is dancing with her dog because she's blind, you're going home before her. It was so embarrassing. But since then, I've been saying yes to so many things that scare me because nothing will be worse than that. I dare life to throw something worse at me than that.

And I know that's not like in the scope of human experience. That's not the worst thing. But in terms of embarrassment on a large scale, that's as far as I ever want to go. As far as I hope to go in terms of being embarrassed. But it is a great thing. great reminder for all of us that if you say yes to those things that you're not sure you can do that are super uncomfortable. It reminds me, Nikki, honestly, of Jay Hennessey, 26-year Navy SEAL,

who I've talked to a few times. That's what he looked for in SEALs because he eventually became the person selecting them is I'm like, I'm like guys who are pushing their edges, the ones who are always pushing because the other ones who I know are going to have my back when it gets really real. And you keep doing things that like dancing with the stars where you could go home first or something really embarrassing can happen. Now you're like, all right, whatever. I've done so many fun things that I would have turned down if I hadn't, I've lived that.

And your upside's so high, right? Because if you say no to those things, you're limiting your upside. You could have won dancing with the stars. But the fact that you go through it, you're not going to limit your upside. I don't want to film that special. I don't know if it's ready. I don't know if it's good. Well, no.

Now you're limiting your upside because you're scared as opposed to saying, what could happen? I'm going to go roast Robert De Niro. and Bruce Willis and all these famous people. I'm going to say yes to this thing that terrifies me that could go so wrong. But then you're shutting the door on all the things that can go right. And I will also say that when I first signed up for Dancing with the Stars, I'd never danced a step in my life.

Like I got shamed for it early on in my life for dancing. And someone just goes, you are a horrible dancer. Like you have no rhythm. And that was all I needed to hear as a child to go, this is shut down, never doing this again. Can't even do it at a concert. Won't do it drunk. Like, not a dancer.

So I said yes to Dancing with the Stars because, I was picturing myself being a woman in her 50s, getting offered dancing with the stars and going, man, I wish I would have done this. I'm still just as bad of a dancer, but now I don't care as much because I'm in my 50s and I know that you care less in your 50s.

And I probably would say yes. And I would be like, man, my body would have moved so much better in my 30s. So I just answered that. I just did it for my 50 year old, 60 year old self. And I will say,

though, when you sign up for something like that or you're scared, people go, what's the worst that could happen? What's the worst? And the truth is, sometimes the worst thing that can happen happens. You sometimes, everyone goes,

you're not going to get first voted off. And it's like, someone has to. There's been 28 seasons of the show. I share that title with 28, 29, 30 other people. And so that was really a funny moment to me that was like, man, I always lived life and it hadn't happened to be yet where it was like, the worst thing that can happen never happens. Sometimes it does.

And it really is not that bad. People don't remember. I always tell, I host this show called F Boy Island and I can see it happen on these shows that these young people sign up to do this reality show because they want to be stars whether they're influencers, whether they're

fit models, whether they're comedians. Most of them want to be in TV, work in some respect. And this is their first foray into it, which I actually think is a great way to get started in entertainment. Theo Vaughn, me, I did Last Comestanding as my first thing. Do reality TV. It's easily

castable. You become a character. And no one fucking remembers you from it. you make yourself into something else. No one's Theo Vaughn is the road rules guy. People know that, but it isn't what defines him. So sometimes when I host FBoy Island, I'll see these guys do something embarrassing. They'll get drunk. They say something mean to a woman.

They just, they have a bad show. And I just, I say to them, please know that this will not define you. It feels so heavy right now. You're only picturing how this is going to be edited. It's going to air and you're going to get a lot of DMs of hating you. People forget things so. fast. I promise you, this will not be forever. And so I like to remember that about my failures is that I just tape the special and some things went wrong. It hasn't even come out yet. We haven't edited yet,

but things did not go the way I wanted them to. And I just go, they'll be another special. Or there won't and I'll die tragically or something and that'll be my swan song. But at least I'll have this interview saying I could have done better if those things hadn't gone wrong. You just can't control everything. There usually will be another opportunity to rewrite it. And my failures have been hilarious. What is funnier than getting voted dancing off with the stars first voted off? Second is not funny. Third's not funny. And so on. The only

funny thing is getting first voted off. So that was a gift in many ways because it provided a lot of material for me. So these failures have been gifts. We're coming up against it, Nikki. I have one more question. I'm curious. When you think of somebody who's earlier in their career, whether they want to be in comedy or not, I want to say,

what are some general pieces of life slash career advice you give to someone who wants to do good, They're not 100% sure what they want to do, but they like the thought of making an impact in some way, shape, or form, but they're still uncertain. Like, a lot of us are, like, I know I was in those earlier days. Maybe they just graduated college or something like that. What are some general pieces of life slash career advice to that person? In terms of doing comedy, just start.

Yeah. I think that's, and that's for everything, really. And even to myself, I'm talking to myself right now. I want to start Taylor Swift cover band, but I'm scared because my voice isn't where it should be. And my guitar playing isn't where it should be. and just start. Just start throwing shit at the book a gig. I have a hilarious friend who has love stand up.

That's who I would go to those Wiley shows with all the time. His dad's best friend is Wiley. Oh, wow. Yeah. And so we would go all the time. And he's just one of those guys like just really funny. And like, do you know what will actually get you gone? He has a full regular job and everything.

And I'm just like, book a gig. Sign up for an open mic. I'm going to the open mic night in two weeks. Nothing will force you to get ready, like committing to say, and I'm coming to, I'm watching, right? I'm coming and we're bringing 10 other guys. We're coming to watch. Book a day to where you have to go.

Like that will force you. Like for you, book a gig where you're going to be singing Taylor Swift songs with your. That's it. And that is exactly what we're doing, like the people that are helping you with this. I was like, we've already, we're finally asking it actually tomorrow morning of booking the gig. Because I'm like, I'm just going to do it. And I might suck. But that's the only way to get better.

So I would say whatever project, whatever thing you, want to start just start writing, start creating, start that Etsy shop, even if it sucks. And you know what? Anyone who tells you that it sucks or that you shouldn't do it or it's a bad look, it's going to be too soon to do it, they are so jealous. There's no other thing that they are. They're not looking out for you to look stupid. They're not worried about you looking stupid. They're worried about you succeeding because if they keep telling themselves that you shouldn't do this because it looks bad, it reinforces to them why they shouldn't do things. Because they'll say, I know that when I ever pooh someone's ideas,

I look inside myself and I go, why are you doing this, Nikki? And it's 100% because I am jealous that they have the balls to do something that might make them look stupid because I don't have the balls to do that. I'm really reticent to make TikToks because I'm like, oh, I'm old. I don't really know. I don't go on TikTok.

So I don't want anyone to call me old. What do I do? I make fun of people that are my age that do TikToks because what does it do for me? It reinforces that people are going to make fun of me because I'm making fun of them. So I'm being the thing that I need to create. the enemy that I see in my mind to reinforce, that's why I shouldn't do it. So when people try to shit on your dreams, they are reinforcing why they don't do their thing. They're making a reason for them not to do it. So it is nothing to do with you. They are so jealous. And that's not an insult to

them. We all are jealous. We're all just trying to survive and get by. And we come up with these different ways to get through life and to make ourselves feel better. But you've got to not listen to those people. And you have to not ask it by. Do this on your own. Don't tell anyone about it. Tell the bright people that will be encouraging and supportive. Do not tell your mom. Okay. Unless you have an amazing mom, don't go to the hardware store for orange juice. Stop going to places to get things. That is a big advice. Don't ask for hugs from people that don't have arms. And it's not because they don't love you. They don't have the love to give you. They don't, don't look for advice from people or support from people on these big dreams that you have. Because

Most people are not going to achieve great things in this life because of these things that get in the way, these hurdles. They don't listen to these podcasts. They don't heed this advice. They're not looking to overcome. And if you're really looking to overcome that stuff, you've got to be the better person and separate yourself from that noise. Because everything is, that's what is the art of war? The war of art, that book talks about resistance. That's all resistance, man.

You're looking for when you call up your mom to be like, mom, I'm going to start a Taylor Swift. cover band. And she's like, you are 39. You don't sing like her. She's going to say that shit, dude. And my mom doesn't do that. That's just an example. My mom actually wants to join the band. But I've done that in the past where I call up my mom or I call up the friend that I know is going to reinforce the thing of don't do it. So try your best to be a stronger person and fight that. And just be prepared to suck. You are going to suck at comedy. You're going to suck at anything you're a beginner at. And don't forget it. And don't think that you're more special. Beyonce didn't come out of her mom's vagina singing and dancing like that.

She worked, she lost her childhood because she was singing and dancing so much. So it seems like Beyonce just showed up and was amazing. Have you ever read the talent code? Yeah, Dan Coyle. Yeah. Yeah. I loved that part of it. Beyonce was made.

It wasn't like she just was, of course, she was born with. And she used Sasha Fierce. She was so scared. She had to create an alter ego when she went on stage for how she's grown out of that. But for the first many years, she had to be Sasha Fierce because. she couldn't bring herself to do it. This is Beyonce, the most confident person in the world ever. It's unreal.

Taylor Swift, I love the line and the song Mirrorball that is off one of her more recent albums, but she says, I've never been a natural. All I do is try. Taylor Swift has never been a natural. So don't convince yourself your one. You just got to put in the work and you've got to be, get comfortable with being uncomfortable. And this is all advice I need to hear myself.

So I'm glad you made me say it. This is awesome. Thank you, Nikki. This is so much fun. I appreciate you responding. when I first reached out, it's another reminder to keep sending cold notes to your people you look up to because the worst thing that could have happened to you would have ignored me or second worst you would have said no, but you said yes. And so it's a great reminder to me to keep doing that. That's how the squeaky wheel gets the oil.

I always think people got to ask. I've asked to you have something to give me and you knew that in asking this. This isn't you just draining from me. I'm going to get something out of this too. And you knew you had worth in what you were offering me. And that's classic Dale Carnegie. Realize what you are bringing to the table, too, when you ask someone something. So people ask me to do yourself all the time. And I go, but prove to me why this fucking would be good for me too. This has to be a symbiotic thing. And you absolutely did that.

And yeah, I have achieved so much in my career from asking when other people are scared to ask. And they go, I'm just going to wait to be asked. No one's going to ask you to do anything, whether it's hang out and get coffee. Like people don't ask, people that ask people are usually people that don't, no one wants to hang out with. Your friend that's always asking you to do something. and you go, oh, God, well, that person asked me. It's always the person.

You have to, you have to be that person. That's not a good advice now to ask because you don't want to be that person. But you want to circle that way. Wait, a compliment or not? I can't decide anymore. But what I do believe whenever someone, and I don't want people to start just asking me for things all the time, but I grant more people yeses because they had the balls to ask and presented in a way that was respectful and conscientious of my time and my.

talent. There is a proper way to do it. And I think part of that very short ask, I had to let you know, this is what's in it for you. It's been nine years. It's been nine years building up to this point to where, yes, you get, you'll get exposure. You have tons of exposure, but you'll get it in a completely new, different audience. Absolutely. Which I think could be cool thing. And that's why I said yes. And you have the stuff to back it up. You've been doing this forever. It's, I'm getting something out of this too. So I appreciate you reaching out to me. It was an amazing opportunity. And if we've learned anything from Travis Kelsey. Shoot your shot, man. Like, it worked out for him. He shot his shot. What a story. He did the thing that everyone thought they like, she's never going to go for that.

Because you know what? Everyone thinks when I'm on TV, no one ever text me about it. No one, because they all think everyone's texting me about it. Right. It's the bystander effect. Everyone goes, everyone else is writing her. So I'll usually get one text that I know you're getting a barrage right now, but you killed it on this thing. And I go, I didn't know what was on TV. The TV show didn't even tell me I was on. Thank you for writing me. So do the thing that you. you think everyone's probably doing this. They're not doing it. So please ask me for a selfie in public. Most people don't. And I love it. That's really what I want. Speaking of Travis Kelsey, he could have, he was not afraid to be embarrassed. And I think it's a great, another great lesson

life. He said it publicly. I wanted to see her. I made the bracelet. It's got my number. And his brother are talking about it. And this dude is, he's a famous dude in his own right. And he's not afraid to be embarrassed and to be a little bit of a fan boy. And what does she say? That is so metal, bro. Like she loved it. And I, I'm like, yes. Exactly. It's really, it's so inspiring to see her into that too,

because we should reward that behavior. Him, that first game where he was, I don't know if he was looking at the replay or looking up at her box, but whether there was some cheeson going on where he was glad she was there and looking up. And I'm like,

this is so funny that this guy does not care what anyone thinks that he's, my girlfriend's out there and it's Taylor Swift. I'm so excited. Whereas every other guy played it. It's so cool and was like, yeah, no big deal. I'm dating Taylor Swift.

Guess what? That wasn't the right move ever. yet everyone thought that was the cool move. Actually, the guy that gets the girl in the end is the guy that's the opposite of that and wasn't scared to look stupid. Love it. Wasn't scared to look stupid. So, yeah, I think that's an interesting case study that you can all really learn a lot from.

He's a good Ohio boy from Cleveland. No, this is awesome, Nikki. It'd be great if we could have a round two at some point to be so much. I would love to. I can't wait. Yeah, anytime. All right. All right.

I'll be in touch. Thank you so much. All right. Bye. Bye. Bye. It is the end of the podcast club. If you remember of the end of the podcast club, send me a note, Ryan at learningleader.com. Let me know what you learn from this conversation with Nikki Glazer. A few takeaways from my notes. I love the phrase that Nikki uses when she's bombing on stage, which is, just say what's true. I think that could be useful for all of us when we need a reset. That's just say what's true. Get back to truth. The Nikki, like Jerry Seinfeld and other great comedians, is a professional noticeer of things. This is why I think great stand-ups are the modern-day philosophers.

They notice things, and then they have a way to share them in a unique and funny way with all of us. We laugh because what they've said is true, but they've done it in a way that we haven't thought of before. And as leaders, I think we need to be more aware and notice. things more often so that when we share them with our teams, the people we're trying to inspire, we do them in an entertaining way that is memorable for them so that our message sticks. Then near the end, she said, just get started. What advice for someone who wants to do something? You have to do it.

The way to get good is to get going. And Nikki has become one of the premier comedians in the world because she's pushed past her fear and signed up for the things that. she's not sure she can do, whether it's last comic standing when she was 20 years old, doing all of the celebrity roast when half the celebrities don't even know who she is, hosting all these TV shows. She's about to start a Taylor Swift cover band. I mean, she wasn't ready for any of the work she agreed to do, but she did it anyway and then figured it out. I think we all can learn from that and should do that. Once again, I want to say thank you

so much for continuing to spread the message and telling a friend or two, hey, you should listen. to this episode of The Learning Leader Show with Nikki Glazer, I think she'll help you become a more effective leader. And because you continue to do that, and you also go to learning leader.com, and you find The Learning Leader Show on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, and when you're there, you write a thoughtful review. You subscribe to the show.

You rate the show, hopefully five stars. And by doing all of that, you are continually giving me the opportunity to do what I love on a daily basis. And for that, I will forever be grateful. Thank you so, so much. Talk good soon. Can't wait.