The Life Of Bryony - 30: The Life of YOU: Pelvic Pain, Parenting, and Periods - A Guide to Taking Control of Hormonal Health
Episode Date: January 10, 2025Welcome to The Life of YOU, where we tackle life’s toughest moments. In this special bonus episode, I’m joined by Eleanor Morgan, psychotherapist, journalist, and author of Hormonal. Together, we... delve into the profound impact of hormonal health on mental and physical wellbeing, addressing common challenges faced by listeners. Today: Rachel is seeking advice on how to advocate for proper medical care when her symptoms are being dismissed. Lucy wants to know the best way to support her teenage daughter through the challenges of starting her period—without projecting her own experiences. Eleanor shares practical strategies for navigating medical advocacy, supporting teenagers with emotional ups and downs, and fostering open conversations about hormonal health. WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU 🗣️ Got something to share? You can text or send me a voice note on 07796657512—just start your message with LOB. 💬 Or use the WhatsApp shortcut - https://wa.me/447796657512?text=LOB 📧 Prefer email? Drop me a line at lifeofbryony@dailymail.co.uk. And if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone who might need it—it really helps! MY WEEKLY RECOMMENDATION Eleanor Morgan’s book Hormonal: A Conversation About Women’s Bodies, Mental Health, and Why We Need to Be Heard - Available here. SOME GREAT RESOURCES In this episode, we discuss hormonal health and mental wellbeing. If you or someone you know is struggling, these organisations can help: • Samaritans: Call 116 123 or visit www.samaritans.org for free, 24/7 support. • Mind: Call 0300 123 3393 or visit www.mind.org.uk. Presenter: Bryony Gordon Guest: Eleanor Morgan Producer: Jonathan O’Sullivan Executive Producer: Mike Wooller A Daily Mail production. Seriously Popular Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
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Welcome to The Life of You, where we tackle your dilemmas and explore the solutions to
life's trickiest moments. Today, we're focusing on a topic that affects so many of us, but
often gets overlooked. Hormonal health and its impact on our mental and physical wellbeing.
I'm joined by Eleanor Morgan, psychotherapist, journalist and author of Hormonal, a conversation
about women's bodies, mental health and why we need to be heard.
The whole process of working out who you are, how to be in a social world, is pushing boundaries,
learning what boundaries are. and that is all learned within
the family system, usually."
Today, Rachel is sick and tired of being dismissed by her doctor, and Lucy is looking to break
the cycle of awkward period chats as she figures out how to talk to her daughter without the
blushes. All of your questions? Answered right after this.
Right this one is from Rachel and she says, I've been experiencing debilitating pelvic
pain and extreme fatigue, but every time I visit the GP I'm told it's just stress or
that I need to take
painkillers. It's been over two years and I feel invisible. How do I push for the help
I need when I feel like my concerns aren't being taken seriously? I'm sure that's one
that you've heard before.
So, so many times and it never gets any less rage inducing. I mean, find a different GP.
You can do that.
People forget that you can do that.
People forget that you can be self-governing in the NHS.
If you don't like your GP, you can ask to see someone else.
You can change to a different GP surgery.
You can advocate.
We're talking about having to withstand discomfort and that's awful. It's
horrible to find yourself in a situation where you're having to argue with a doctor. It's
horrible. But unfortunately, I think we do have to self-advocate a lot and debilitating
pelvic pain and extreme fatigue is not normal. It is not, you know,
of a difficult relationship with the word normal, as you can imagine. But this person
should not be going through the world with that level of pain. That shouldn't be happening.
So it's unfortunate that it has to fall to her to kind of get the attention that she
needs. And I mean attention in the most fulsome way. It needs attention.
I would say it's really unfortunate isn't it but keep arguing or go with someone who can argue for
you. That's a really good piece of advice and I also wondered if there are you know people
listening you know you go into that GP surgery and you have what 10 minutes you know? What would be your advice if you're perhaps lacking in confidence how to really push this forward and refuse
to take no for an answer? It's so hard you can take someone with you you know
there are no there are no laws about going into a GP appointment with
someone else who can argue better or more confidently for you.
Doing your own research is useful.
I mean, doctors, in my experience, hate it.
You know, some, I should caveat that.
When you come in and you are Dr. Google with all of your own stuff.
But with everything we've talked about today and the kind of,
the reality of medical misogyny looks like for people,
it looks like being dismissed,
it looks like having your confidence in trying to get help completely evaporating.
It's really hard to say to someone, well, just, you know, just be more confident. Just
keep pushing. But it can be helpful to go in with a script. I think of this is how I feel this amount of time. I can't live like this.
And I need to be referred to a specialist and
keep it simple.
Keep it simple.
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The second listener question is on periods and parenting.
My teenage daughter has just started her period and she's already overwhelmed by the pain
and emotional ups and downs.
I want to support her without projecting
my own difficult experiences with menstruation.
How can I help her feel empowered about her cycle
and manage her symptoms in a healthy way?
And that is from Lucy, who I think,
there's so much, isn't there, it's high enough.
So much there.
I find it quite wild that like if I think of how girls today are entering menstruation
compared to how we were, you know, like even just I go into public toilets and there's like
free tampons and sanitary towels. I'm like, wow, this is amazing.
I would have been like a giggly mess.
Like I went to the toilet here and there were tampons in there. I would have been like, but also
it's like, I think that it's personally, I think that if your daughter is overwhelmed
by the emotional ups and downs and the pain of it and finding it all like really cringe,
that's okay as well because it's a massive change in your life. It's huge. That last bit there, how can I help her feel empowered about her cycle and
manage her symptoms in a healthy way? I'm sorry, Lucy, but there is a bias there. There
is a projection there. What does that mean? What does healthy mean? I think, and I know
that this will come with such loving, caring, thoughtful intention. I really know that. But there is
a bias. There is a projection of something. It might be useful for Lucy to think about
what that is. You know, why does she?
We are going to have lovely periods.
Yeah.
Like I just want to, you know, I would like to have crawled into a fucking hole.
I still do.
It's true. like to have crawled into a fucking hole. I still do. Often. But also I feel like this
is a mistake I think we often make as adults is and especially and I think in parenting
is wanting everything to be just fine. Everything needs to be happy. And if it isn't and if
my child isn't happy and if they aren't, you know, hunky dory, then I fucked up. Yes. And
that's not in itself is not a helpful mechanism
because actually humans in all their glory,
they go through emotional ups and downs.
Absolutely.
And in the space of, you know, one hour,
you can have a whole weather system of emotions.
And I mean, I don't have children yet.
That may change soon.
But in my experience, and certainly the way that
I've been taught and the bits of work that I've done with children is the more you can
meet a young person exactly where they are, the more kind of contained they will feel,
the more safe and that what they're experiencing makes sense and that they don't have to try
and find another way of being
because it makes mum feel more comfortable.
Yeah.
It pulls to strip out the conditioning that you had as a child.
You can't do that.
I think the only power we have, and this kind of, you know, it makes me think about my work
as a therapist.
I can't deny all of the conditioning and biases that I come into a room with with
someone. But I can be curious about what they are. And I have to be curious about what they
are because if something is triggered in me by someone, I need to know what's happening.
What is that touching in me? What from my past is that kind of scratching at that's
making me feel annoyed or? I also think it is really important to know that it's, you know, it is often not about
you Lucy. We sound really, I've been really harsh.
Sorry Lucy.
Yeah, but like, because it's very easy I think to think, oh, like I think that teenagers
generally they will be moody and they will behave as if they hate you and that
is their right.
It's such an important developmental thing in the whole process of working out who you
are, how to be in a social world is pushing boundaries, learning what boundaries are and
that is all learned within the family
system usually. So teenagers are supposed to be narcissistic arseholes. They just are.
And allow them to be that without shaming them for it.
Yeah. Their moods, you know, I remember recently in a restaurant a few months ago, sitting next to this mom and her daughter.
And the daughter was being so, so vile to her mom.
Every kind of bid her mom made for connection,
she was like, mom, can you just shut up?
Like, I cannot talk to you right now.
And was being so vile.
And the mom was kind of sat there,
was like, okay, yeah, okay yeah fine fine okay and didn't
didn't rise to it didn't kind of take the bait and I was like sat there feeling offended
myself you know these complete strangers they brought the food out and this teenage girl
she must have been like 14, 15, 8 like you know a trough of food which I love to see
love it and it was like she woke up,
and then they were laughing together and they were kind of taking the piss out of each other.
And I found it so beautiful that the mum, there's a real like strength of character to that to not
take it personally. This young woman, girl, teenager, whatever we want to say was starving
and was, you know, acting
up because of that. Acting up. But what might have happened if, you know, if it was risen
to and they were arguing really, you know, intensely over the table. I don't think I'm
talking about wrongs or rights here. It's just if you just kind of allow them to go through what they're going through
without interfering too much. But I know it's a kind of Herculean effort because it's so
hard to be around. But yeah, I found that really gorgeous that the mum just kind of
just kind of let it happen.
And maybe, yeah, maybe Lucy, just think about how you would have liked to have been parented when you were that age. Yeah.
So it was like a really awesome opportunity to do some inner child healing.
Well, quite. I mean, when you become a parent, you meet yourself as a kid as well.
A huge thank you to Eleanor Morgan for joining me and sharing her wisdom on hormonal health
and the power of understanding our bodies. If this conversation resonated with you, Huge thank you to Eleanor Morgan for joining me and sharing her wisdom on hormonal health
and the power of understanding our bodies.
If this conversation resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need to hear
it.
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It helps more people discover these important conversations.
As always, take care of yourself and I'll see you on Monday.