The Life Of Bryony - 36. The Life of YOU: TikTok, Teens, and Mental Health

Starting point is 00:00:00 We didn't have TikTok. We never suddenly broke out into spontaneous choreographed... Did you eat the Macarena? We did have the Macarena. They still have the Macarena. Welcome to the Life of You, the bonus episode where we tackle your dilemmas and share advice to navigate life's trickiest moments. I went on TikTok and sporadically go on to try and look at content that the kids might be looking at.

Starting point is 00:00:33 If this is a form of communication that young people are using in order to get cultural references and know what's out there, it's really tricky, isn't it? You can't just do a blanket ban on it. Today, I'm joined by Kristi and Rowan for a special Q&A. In this week's bonus episode, Sarah doesn't know how to get her kid off TikTok and Fiona's son is having an existential crisis. Your questions answered right after this. Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music, and it's not just sounds and instruments, it's more than that to me.

Starting point is 00:01:14 It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. This is a question from Sarah. My 14-year-old son spends hours scrolling through TikTok and every time I try to set boundaries it turns into an argument. He says it's where he learns about the world and connects with his friends, but I'm worried about the content he's exposed to and how much time he's spending online. At the same time, I feel so disconnected from him because he spends all of his free time

Starting point is 00:01:43 on his phone. How do I create healthy boundaries while encouraging him to spend more time with me without it feeling like I'm nagging or forcing him? I feel like this is one that you two are going to have some fucking good answers for. It's a million dollar question isn't it? It really is. I feel like you're like if you can't beat him, them. If I was that mom try and take an interest in what he's interested in so for example my son exclusively looks at basketball videos and I find them the most tedious boring things in the history of the universe however if that's where he's at and what he's into then I try and make a kind of enthusiasm for all these basketball players I think

Starting point is 00:02:22 you have to join them where they're at. So if there's one particular thing that he's focused on and interested in, then ask him about it. I think again, it's all back to that communication, communication, communication, but you might have a different view. I understand where he's coming from in terms of like how I keep connected with my friends.

Starting point is 00:02:39 I think day to day, my friends make millions of references that I understand because I have TikTok. Right. So I think it's 100%. I understand where he's coming from on connecting with his friends and also news and stuff because even half my information I look into is originally from TikTok and I'm like, oh, is this true or not? Because well, I'm not going to trust that it's just true. It's probably not after time. But I do have friends that when they want to find out something, they don't go on Google, they just go on TikTok and search it on TikTok.

Starting point is 00:03:09 Really? Yeah. I guess as with all things in parenting, I think it's just the best thing you can do is it's a negotiation, is that you sit down together and say, look, this is how I feel, this is, I'd really like to hear how you feel and really properly listen and say, how can we resolve it together? What do you think we could do? What do I think we could do? And how can we meet in the middle somewhere? What is an acceptable amount of time to be on your phone? Is there

Starting point is 00:03:35 some way that on a Saturday night you could allow me two hours to take you to the cinema or whatever it is? It's a bit analog. I know, it's a bit analog. I had a meeting with someone who is very political, very, you know, in the know. And there are all sorts of theories which no one will like publicly say that they they genuinely think that TikTok is like a Chinese weapon of war that is making our kids stupider. And because in China kids aren't allowed TikTok, they have a version of it

Starting point is 00:04:05 which is like limited. You're only on it for a certain amount of time. I mean I understand 100% the content can be disturbing on any social media platform but. I think it could steal years off your life. And that's just because it's designed to be addictive. I think that for me is the problem. This is designed to be addictive. And so you're not reading books when you're on it. You're not engaging in real life conversations. You're not meeting people in real life. But if this is a form of communication that young people are using in order to get cultural references and know what's out there, then I feel like it's really tricky, isn't it? You can't just do a blanket ban on it.

Starting point is 00:04:41 They're good at dance routines as well. Are you on TikTok? I went on TikTok and sporadically go on to try and look at content that the kids might be looking at. Right, like a spy. Like a spy. But again, it doesn't work because they only give me content that I pause on or look at. The AI is so clever that it's only giving me

Starting point is 00:05:00 content that's related to me. So I've tried to second you know, second-guess the AI, obviously. Basically, what do I think they might pause on and try and pause on what they might pause on to actually get into the darkness of TikTok. I just think any screen time, if it's taking up your whole day, is going to do you some damage. So if you can possibly limit that with boundaries and discussions, then it's really probably healthier for all of us, myself included.

Starting point is 00:05:34 If you're loving the conversation so far, and I know you are, good news! There are two episodes every week. Hit follow, subscribe now so I can be part of your weekly routine. My son says he's overwhelmed by climate change and doesn't see the point in studying or thinking about a future career. He spends so much time reading the news about the environment and other global issues and it's made him really withdrawn and introverted. I want to help him find hope and see that he can still make a difference but I don't know where to start and that's from Fiona. You might not feel like there's hope for the future but the problem is the future's coming whether you want it to or not. I think a big thing is seeing what others are doing to help

Starting point is 00:06:17 helps. So if you feel like you yourself can't help you look around and you see what others are doing to help and it's like oh well then we're making great strides in this way maybe I could help join them or also just give some form of inspiration or hope to yourself to be like oh yeah no someone's doing something about it like something's going on. I think that's a really lovely bit of advice because we do focus so much on what's going wrong it's like but we can actually the more that we immerse ourselves in what's going right the better our lives become. Finding community is really important, isn't it, when you are having any kind of existential

Starting point is 00:06:53 dread for all of us. But I think, like you said, there are so many brilliant climate activists that Fiona's son might be interested in following and getting involved with, that that is something really proactive and I feel like if you're busy doing something proactive, then somehow it helps manage the fear. Yeah. Although I did suggest to you that we go on a climate march and you said no because you'll probably wear your leopard print dressing gown and hand out wagon wheels and I'd be too embarrassed. There's only so much neon you can put with leopard print before it becomes socially acceptable.

Starting point is 00:07:33 Thank you so much to Kristy and Rowan for their wisdom today. I want to invite them back every week. Their book No Filters is out now. I would like to recommend this week the t-shirt I have worn to record this podcast. It's by a brand called Joanie and it says bring snacks on it and it's one of my it is my favourite t-shirt at the moment and the great thing about Joanie which I love because it's quite size inclusive and it's rare to find a company that is size inclusive. Actually do you know what my whole outfit is Joanie the trousers are as well I, obviously this is a podcast. You can't see what I'm wearing. I've got a shirt from there as well. And I'm really enjoying being in my shirt and trouser era, which I haven't been in before, but I feel it's like a bit

Starting point is 00:08:18 more grown up. You know, it's me trying to move away from toddler core. Anyway, Joni. If this episode sparked something for you, share it with a friend who might need to hear it. Don't forget to follow this show and leave us a review. It helps more than you know. Take care of yourself and I'll see you on Monday. The odds of being struck by lightning are less than one in one million. But when you hear this sound, you're probably heading indoors in a hurry. But did you know that the odds of getting shingles are one in three if you've had chicken pox? Why leave it up to chance?

Starting point is 00:09:08 Ask your healthcare professional about Shingrix. The Shingrix vaccine helps protect adults against shingles. 100% protection not guaranteed. Adverse reactions may occur. Visit Shingrix.ca.

The Life Of Bryony - 36. The Life of YOU: TikTok, Teens, and Mental Health

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