The Life Of Bryony - 42. The Life of YOU: OCD & Overthinking – How to Break Free from Your Thoughts

Episode Date: February 28, 2025

Welcome to The Life of YOU! The bonus series where we tackle your dilemmas and share advice to navigate life’s trickier moments. This week, I’m joined by the brilliant Tuppence Middleton—actress and author of Scorpions, her powerful memoir about living with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Together, we answer your questions about OCD, intrusive thoughts, and how to navigate relationships while living with anxiety. Today: 💬 Katie worries that her OCD is exhausting for her supportive partner—how can she balance honesty with not feeling like a burden? 💭 Rachel struggles with intrusive thoughts—how can she stop them from taking over? If you’ve ever felt trapped by your thoughts, remember: You are not your thoughts—you are just the person who hears them. WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU 🗣️ Got a question or a story to share? Text or send a voice note on 07796657512—just start your message with LOB. 💬 Use the WhatsApp shortcut: https://wa.me/447796657512?text=LOB. 📧 Prefer email? Drop us a line at [e-mail] If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it—it really helps! CREDITS: 🎙️ Presenter: Bryony Gordon 🎙️ Guest: Tuppence Middleton 🎧 Content Producer: Jonathan O’Sullivan 🎥 Audio & Video Editor: Luke Shelley 📢 Executive Producer: Mike Wooller Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Seriously popular. Welcome to The Life of You, the bonus series where we tackle your dilemmas and share advice to navigate life's trickier moments. This week I'm joined by Toppence Middleton, actress, writer and author of Scorpions, her powerful memoir about living with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Your question's answered right after this. Don't forget to hit subscribe and follow so you never miss a note. I've been in a relationship for five years and my partner is incredibly supportive of my OCD, but sometimes I feel like it's exhausting for them. I don't want to be a burden but I can't just turn it off. How do you navigate relationships when OCD is a daily part of your life?

And that is from Katie. Mm. Good question. I also think it's really important. We've spoken, you know, today and on this week's podcast about one or two particular types of OCD. But it is, there are so many different types of OCD and I know that it can attach itself also to relationships. So questioning whether you really love the person or was, did I cheat on them last night? Blank out in horror. It's a really hard thing to

have to kind of like, to have to navigate. Yeah. I think it's, it's just being really open about what you are thinking and feeling at any one point. I know that my relationships have always become much easier once I've been honest about rather than trying to hide what I'm doing and rushing out the door to go somewhere and I'm making us late and rather than just kind of brushing over it and saying oh I'm yeah I'm coming just five minutes then saying actually you know what I'm really struggling with the tap or I'm really struggling with this candle and it's

gonna take me a little bit longer and just trying to foster a kind of understanding I think that partners of people who have OCD are the most patient and understanding people of all time. I also think the fact that you've been open anyway about it, you've been in the relationship for five years. Yeah. Like just trust.

Doing okay. Yeah. Like this partner has seen all of you and they love you. Yes. You know, maybe the fact that you feel like it's exhausting for them and that they are tired of it, perhaps that might be an intrusive thought from your OCD in itself. Yes, exactly. And I think that also exposing them to more material about it and maybe showing them there are other examples of people with it and that it's perhaps more common than they might think. with it and that it's perhaps more common than they might think. This is a paid advertisement for Better Health Therapy online.

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h-e-l-p dot com slash bryony. That's b-r-y-o-n-y. Okay, so this is a question about intrusive thoughts from Rachel. I've had intrusive thoughts for as long as I can remember, but I only recently learned that they're part of OCD. I always thought OCD was about being clean and organized, but mine is more like flashes of terrifying images or worst case scenarios. How do you deal with thoughts that feel completely out of your control? That's from Rachel. I think the answer to this is that you don't.

Yeah, that's what that was going to be. My first thing is when you know, tell me please. But also the thing to say to Rachel is that one of the most powerful things I ever heard, which I find so helpful is you are not your thoughts, you are just the person that hears them. Yes. And that is such a reminder. Everyone has thoughts, Rachel. Everyone has thousands of thoughts a day. We are not all of our thoughts. We all have mad intrusive thoughts. It's the

importance that we give to them that makes the difference. So everyone might have had that thought, what if someone I love dies? And the difference is they go, they take a breath and they go, well, there's nothing I can do to stop that. And they move on with their lives. And I think that's the thing. It's like, what's the attention you're giving this thought? And I find personally, one of the most helpful things for me

is to label it as soon as I notice it. I just say out loud and people might think that I'm bonkers but who gives a fuck I am I just say out loud intrusive thoughts yeah and it's like I've and then I say fuck off Jareth that's Jareth the Goblin King is what I call my OCD and people like if I'm in a taxi or on the bus, people are like, who is this lunatic? But I'm not, but it works for me, Rachel. Yeah, I think naming it's really important and just knowing that that's what it is. And I think you get better at recognizing what those are. But sometimes they're sneaky and you don't know that it's an intrusive thought and you

just accept it for what it is and then it drives you crazy. But I think that the more you can see them coming and that you know, first off, that that's what it is. But secondly, that it's temporary because, you know, of course you can have one which keeps returning and it kind of makes you more and more anxious. But I think that eventually that anxiety, like any anxiety will diffuse and it will get better. And so it's not going to be there forever. And then when you can look back on that anxiety, like any anxiety, will diffuse and it will get better.

And so it's not going to be there forever. And then when you can look back on that thought, you can see it for what it was, hopefully. I think the other thing that really helps me to remember as well is that the more attention I give a thought, the more it will stick around. So if I just go thought and literally try and discard it, and I don't allow the OCD to suck me into it because it is like a spider kind of catching you in its web. Yeah. Yeah.

And the key is to like untangle yourself from the web as quickly as possible and get the fuck out. Don't look back. And I'm like, no, I'm not engaging because this is just a thought. Thoughts are not true. They are not facts. We are not. We're not capable of predicting the future.

We are not, do you know what I mean? Like, unfortunately, none of us can do that. So it's like, just let it go. Let it go off into the rest of the thought world and just try seeing how that works for you. You know, just try doing something different. And I sail this with the caveat that I know how hard it is to do that. Yeah. Right. These are sticky thoughts that we get stuck in, you know, but it is possible because I'm sitting here right now. Yeah. Proof that it's possible to get through like some of the very worst intrusive thoughts. Like I've had times when I haven't been able to leave my house for weeks on end because of the stuff my head is flashing me. And you don't have to engage with it. You know, we don't choose our thoughts, but we do choose how we react to them. A huge thank you to Tuppence Middleton for her honesty and insight in answering your questions today. If this episode resonated with you, know that you are not alone.

OCD and anxiety are real, valid and incredibly tough to live with, I know, but there is help out there. If you find this episode helpful, share it with someone who might need it, a friend, a partner or anyone struggling with anxiety and intrusive thoughts. And don't forget to hit follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode. Take care, be kind to yourself, and I'll see you next time.