The Life Of Bryony - 48. The Life of YOU: “I’m Terrified to Look at My Bank Balance”

Episode Date: March 21, 2025

Welcome to The Life of YOU! The bonus series where we tackle your dilemmas and share expert advice on navigating life’s trickier moments. This week, I’m joined by Clare Seal—finance writer, speaker, and founder of The Financial Wellbeing Forum. Clare rose to prominence with her Instagram account @myfrugalyear, where she openly shared her journey of getting out of £27,000 of debt. Since then, she’s become a leading voice in financial wellness, breaking down the emotional and psychological barriers that impact how we manage money. Together, we discuss the complex relationship between money, self-worth, and relationships, offering practical advice on how to overcome financial anxiety, communicate better with a partner about money, and build a healthier mindset around spending. Today’s Listener Questions: 💸 Anon asks: “I’m a saver, but my partner is a spender. We keep fighting about finances—how do we stop money from becoming a constant source of stress?” 💰 Marie asks: “I feel guilty when I spend money on myself, even when I can afford it. How do I change my mindset?” 📉 Lisa asks: “Every time I check my bank account, I get a horrible sinking feeling. How can I break the habit of avoiding my finances?” WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU 🗣 Got a question or a story to share? Text or send a voice note on 07796657512—just start your message with LOB 💬 Use the WhatsApp shortcut: https://wa.me/447796657512?text=LOB 📧 Prefer email? Drop us a line at [e-mail] If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it—it really helps! Bryony xx CREDITS 🎙 Presenter: Bryony Gordon 🎙 Guest: Clare Seal 🎧 Content Producer: Jonathan O’Sullivan 🎥 Audio & Video Editor: Luke Shelley 📢 Executive Producer: Mike Wooller A Daily Mail production. Seriously Popular. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Seriously popular. Guys, do you know what time it is? It's Life of You time, the bonus episode where we tackle your dilemmas and share expert advice. I'm joined once again by Claire Seale, who's here to answer all your biggest money worries. My chat with Claire Seale coming up right after this. Hey, are you in the mood for something new? Why not fly with Air Transat to an eclectic music scene, a vibrant nightlife, and your next big discovery. Starting this summer, you can fly direct from Toronto to Berlin exclusively with Air Transat. Now all things Berlin feel closer than ever. Air Transat. Travel moves us.

My parents have had a lot of time on their hands lately. At first, it was nice. Hey mom, can you drive me to soccer practice? Sure can. We're having slow cooked ribs for dinner. It was awesome. And then it became a lot. Some friends are coming over to watch a movie. Ooh, what are we watching? I'll make some popcorn. Thanks to Voila, they can order all our fresh favorites from Sobeys, Farmboy, and Longos online, which is super reliable. And now my parents are reliable. A little too reliable. Voila, your groceries delivered just like that. This is a really good question and it's such a good question that the person who sent it wants to remain anonymous.

I'm a saver and my partner is a spender. We constantly argue about finances. Example, he says we can't afford a trip abroad this year and I will go crazy if I can't get a break away. How can we stop money from causing so many fights? This is actually, I say it's anonymous, this is basically from me and my husband. It's so difficult and I think like it's not very sexy to talk about money in the early

stages of your relationship, but so many people I think like things end up getting serious and then you're like, oh no, we've got completely different attitudes to money, like how are we ever going to resolve this? But I think the number one thing is just communication and explaining like why it's important that You want to be able to save enough money to go away on holiday of like it's not just that you're being stick in the mud It's like this is really important to me try and, it's always good to try and find some middle ground. So what are the things that are like important financially that you agree on and work out from there?

And I think it's also really important to be honest, if your partner's behavior, especially if like you're the saver and they're spending quite freely, just talking to them about how their behavior actually does impact you and having some boundaries and sometimes those conversations can be really difficult and sometimes they actually don't end that well in the moment. Loads of this stuff is uncomfortable, that's not a good

enough reason not to have the conversation. So yeah, it is just, annoyingly, there's not like a magic button that you can press, but I think it is about communication. I think it's a really interesting thing. My personal response to that would be that it's not necessarily a bad thing. I would say, like, there's a reason you're with this person. And maybe the way they spend money is actually something that you wish you could be a bit more like. Yeah. Opposites attract, and maybe what you're brought together to do is bring each other both more towards the centre, you know. And there is, there is that to be said, like my husband is very good with money. And I, you know, when we met was a bit more cray cray. And we've both what's

so interesting is that we've both sort of come more to the middle. Yeah. And that's quite a nice thing to think about, because we look like sort of chalk and cheese. But we've both learned things from each other. Yeah, and I think that is definitely a real positive spin, like especially, I think sometimes if you're like defining yourself as a saver, sometimes it might come with a bit of anxiety about spending money and if you can learn to like, you know, we all work really hard for our money, we should be able to spend it on things that we enjoy sometimes. But yeah, I think you're right, like if you can bring each other a bit more to the middle, find some common ground, find some common goals even, agree on things that you'd like to do together and then be like,

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Business. This is from Marie and she says, I feel guilty when I spend money on myself, even when I can afford it. How do I change my mindset? My money mindset. Oh, so, so tough. So I think sometimes you just have to sort of bully yourself into it a little bit. Something that can really help is if you set up a specific pot of money, so within your bank account, a little fund, like a slush fund, so it's money that you're not allowed to spend on anything serious. It can only be spent on like stuff for you, fun, like whimsical stuff. And then sort of if you don't spend it on that, you're breaking the rules a bit.

Just gradually, you know, I was joking when I said bully yourself, but you do have to push yourself a little bit. Just gradually like start with something really small and then maybe another really small thing. Don't go out and buy yourself a two grand handbag straight away. Like, just edge into it, I think, gradually. But I think if you can afford it,

putting aside that slash fund of money can be a really good way to try and retrain your brain into thinking that this is a pot of money that it's okay for me to spend actually. Yeah, I have a friend who has lots of designer handbags, not much else, to be honest, doesn't own much else. And I find it astonishing. I have no designer handbags in my purse. I have an M&S handbag, which I like very much, even though the handle keeps breaking. But you know, like that's

her thing. And my thing is I like to travel. I don't call it going on holiday. I call it I like to travel. Mini retirement. Because that may only sound more cultured than just going on holiday. Lisa says, every time I think about checking my bank account, I get a horrible sinking feeling. I know ignoring it is making things worse, but I can't seem to break the habit. How do I face my finances without overwhelming anxiety? Can I answer that one a bit?

Yeah, of course. So I was a bit like that. What I have discovered is that technology has kind of forced me into a habit of not being able to avoid it. So my phone now has something where it literally every morning, so A there's an app that every morning at 8am tells me the state of my current account and Every morning at 8 a.m. tells me the state of my current account and my credit card and all of that, my savings. And I find that actually has been, at first I was like, oh my God, but now I find it really, really helpful. It really keeps me on track on a day-to-day basis.

But also my phone now has my bank accounts like tuned in so that is on it's almost on my home screen What my balance so it's constantly there and that is triggering But it pushes me out of my comfort zone and it has forced me to be better with money That's pretty much it. It's like exposure therapy you know again like starting sort of by getting your balance delivered to you every day and then you can ease yourself more towards assessing your spending a little bit more. Something that's really, really helpful for that is joining some kind of financial community online.

Try and find one that's not like super judgy. You can come find me, we're all very nice on my Instagram. Or just like an accountability partner as well. So just someone who you can sort of discuss it with if it all feels a bit overwhelming or a bit icky. Another thing that you can do for that sort of thing is to work with a financial coach to ease you in and sort of, you know, I've been doing this for three years, nothing fazes me now and people will tell me about X, Y, Z situation and I'll be like, okay. And they'll be like, what? My life's not over. I'll be like, no, no. That all feels very manageable to me. So I think it is about just gradually exposing yourself more and more.

But yeah, technology is really useful for that because you don't have to go out there and get the information. You can have it delivered to you, which I think, yeah, it's uncomfortable. We were talking about how you can just spend money without even realizing it, now that we're very much a cashless society. My phone now also, whenever I do the double click for Apple Pay, because it's so easy to buy things on Apple Pay, but what I've found is it now tells me the balance. So I'm confronted with that every time I have to make a decision to buy something. Yeah, I think that's helpful. confronted with that every time I have to make a decision to buy something.

Yeah, I think that's helpful. It just gives you the context that you're like splurging. Yeah, exactly. It's I think it's really useful. And again, like you can just do it bit by bit. You don't have to like plunge yourself right into it. A massive thank you to Claire for all of her practical advice and real world strategies today. If you found this conversation helpful, please send it on to a friend who might need to hear it. And don't forget to hit follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode again. Take care of yourself and I'll see you next time.