The Life Of Bryony - 52. The Life of YOU: Calum Scott on Rejection, Self-Worth & Asking for Help

Episode Date: April 4, 2025

QUICK SURVEY – TELL US WHAT YOU LIKE (PRETTY PLEASE): We’re running a short survey to get to know you better—so we can keep making the kind of episodes you actually want to hear. Takes 2 mins, promise: https://ex-plorsurvey.com/survey/selfserve/550/g517/250305?list=3 MY GUEST THIS WEEK: CALUM SCOTT Welcome to The Life of YOU! The bonus series where we tackle your dilemmas and share advice to help with life’s tougher moments. This week, I’m joined by singer and songwriter Calum Scott, whose voice may be familiar but whose vulnerability and insight might just surprise you. Together, we talk about rejection, perfectionism, and why asking for help isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom. CALUM’S NEW MUSIC – GOD KNOWS Calum’s got new music out now - https://calumscott.lnk.to/godknows LET’S STAY IN TOUCH 🗣 Got something to share? Text or send a voice note on 07796657512—just start your message with LOB. 💬 Use the WhatsApp shortcut: https://wa.me/447796657512?text=LOB 📧 Prefer email? Drop me a line at [e-mail]. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with someone who might find Calum’s story helpful—it really makes a difference! Bryony xx ⸻ HELPLINES If you’re struggling or need someone to talk to, you’re not alone. 📞 Samaritans – Call 116 123 (free, 24/7) or visit samaritans.org 📱 Shout – Text SHOUT to 85258 for free, 24/7 mental health support 💬 Mind – Call 0300 123 3393 or visit mind.org.uk for advice and support Please reach out—you matter. CREDITS 🎙 Presenter: Bryony Gordon 🎙 Guest: Calum Scott 🎧 Content Producer: Jonathan O’Sullivan 🎥 Audio & Video Editor: Luke Shelley 📢 Executive Producer: Mike Wooller A Daily Mail production. Seriously Popular. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to The Life of You, the bonus episode of The Life of Briny where we tackle your dilemmas and try not to make them any worse. I'm joined once again by the incredible Callum Scott who is a singer, songwriter and as it turns out a man absolutely chock-a-block full of wisdom to share with you. For me, rejection has made me stronger and I still find it difficult when somebody goes, you know, I've cried writing a song, I've put it to my label and they've gone, it's not your best. Your question's answered right after this.

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really obvious and it felt from that moment it was just rejection. Simon didn't sign me, the show finished and everybody who I'd spoken to disappeared. You know, I had nothing after the show. I was on my way back up to Hull crying my eyes out thinking I'm going to have to go back working for the council. And I was seriously, I was just sat there going, I can't believe that. It felt like the world was in my hands and now it's gone. And I learned very soon after that, that the only way that I was going to

succeed was by being persistent and being resilient. And so I was knocking on doors around around my music lawyer. I was like, can you put me in touch with somebody who can help me? And I started getting gigs. And even then it was a bit of an uphill struggle. And, you know, I still got a lot of rejection. even to this day I'll release songs and it would be like oh that's not that's not for us and it will get rejected Songs that I've cried writing but I think for me the rejection only makes you stronger only makes you hungrier And although it's terrifying It's one of those things where it's a bit of a leap of faith for me You know you stood on the edge and it's a bit of a leap of faith. For me, you know, you stood on the edge and

it's terrifying to look over and you get that well in the stomach. But if you just allow yourself the possibilities are endless. You know, I think one thing I found is that if you do nothing, the only thing that is, you know, the only thing that is going to happen is nothing. You know what I mean? That's the only thing that's, that's, that's real. Whereas if you allow yourself to fail, there's so many, so many outcomes and you learn nothing from success. Well, that's the thing. I mean, I, you know, it's like, I always remember having a school teacher who's like, you only learn things from getting them wrong.

Yeah. Yeah. And, but also I think that, um, there's a saying that I find really comforting at times of quote unquote failure, which is rejection is the universe's protection. And it's actually don't think of it as rejection, think of it as redirection. Yeah, yeah. So what it's doing is just telling you, well, those people aren't for you. Right.

That is that that thing isn't right for you. So you're going to have to take the different route and, you know, and trust that it's going to take you somewhere that is right for you. Yeah, yeah. 100 percent. And what I will say is, and what you know, I'm working a lot with my with my therapist at the minute and what I will say is that it's valid feeling rejection and being worried about rejection is very valid. Nobody wants to be told, no, they're not good enough or that it's valid. Feeling rejection and being worried about rejection is very valid.

Nobody wants to be told, no, they're not good enough, or that song's not good enough, or you're never going to be a singer. Nobody wants to hear that. But I just think as valid as that feeling is, like you said, it's just maybe not that right time or not that right moment. And this is one thing that I said to my sister is she would compare me and her. She'd go, we both went for the show, you got a golden buzzer

and I got four nos. And I said, but that might have not been the right time for you. You know, you're four years younger than I am. You might need a different path to walk. But also, you know, the interesting thing to think about your sister Jade is that like, if she'd got four yeses, one Britain's Got Talent or whatever, you know, now she's

got her little boy, you know, like the who's to say that that would have then ended up in rejection anyway. So it's a different. Yeah. But Jeremy, like you can't predetermine anything for me. Rejection has made me stronger and I still find it difficult when somebody goes, you know, I've cried writing a song, I've put it to my label and they've gone, it's not your best.

I hate it. I can't, I'm terrible feeling with it. I'm like, okay. And it sucks and it's hard to hear. But you know, that rejection is going to make you hungrier. It's going to make you stronger. I suppose it just don't let the rejection define you, I suppose is a way to look at it. Like I say, it's valid. It's valid to feel that way. Don't ever think that, you know, you shouldn't feel that way. You know, rejection is hard. But it's also like, it's a feeling. Feel it, move on. Feel it, move on. Yeah. The question is, this is a paid advertisement for better help. There's this myth that

at a certain point in your life, you should just have everything figured out. Our careers, our relationships, our self-worth. But the truth? Nobody has it all together. Not really. And that's okay. For me, therapy has always been the place where I can be myself and work through the things that hold me back. Perfectionism, people pleasing, the fear of getting things wrong. It's a space where I don't have to pretend. And honestly, that's been life changing. With over 5000 therapists in the UK already, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a wide variety of expertise in mental health.

Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash bryony. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash bryony. That's B-R-Y-O-N-Y. From Danielle. And Danielle says, when I'm struggling mentally, I find it hard to ask for help because I feel like I should be able to cope on my own. What's one small thing you do now that helps protect your mental health? And I guess helps you to ask for help

when you need it. I've felt in times before like a bit of a burden on people, you know, and you start thinking, oh, I don't want to bother them with that or they've got enough going on. People want to help you know friends and family are there to help and I think in times of need never feel afraid to ask for help because you know one one thing my grandma used to say is like treat people as you expect to be treated and I surround myself with people where I'm there at the drop of a hat if they need me on the understanding that they probably do the same for me.

You know, so never feel guilty for asking for help. And even if you felt guilty for asking for people close to you, you know, there's so many amazing organizations and charities like mine who can help take that burden off. Like I said, I've been working with a coach recently and he was saying, you know, I'm here for you to be able to offload your problems to because he said, I'm impartial, you know, you're not going to be bugging me down with anything, you know, there's no sort of emotional tie between me and him. And so that means that I can talk freely and openly and ask him for help or, you know, sometimes it's just a change of perspective and that can be, that can be the biggest difference.

So I think, don't set an unimaginable bar for yourself as well, because I do that. I set my bar at 120, which I'm never going to achieve it. So then... I also think that if my, I know that feeling like a burden and feeling like you should be able to do this on your own is in itself often a symptom of a lot of mental illness, of depression. You know, it's like, like your brain telling you that you don't have depression and you should just be able to get on with it. Yeah, I should be able to deal with it.

That's depression. Yeah. You know, like, and often, well, that can be a symptom of depression, and often if I feel like I am going to be a burden asking for help, that is in itself the surest sign I need to ask for help. And it might not be, like sometimes my brain, I don't know about you, Callum, but sometimes my brain can go straight to that place of, I just need to be signed off work for six months and sent away to a sort of institution and like sedated, right? That's where my brain goes. And actually asking for

help doesn't have to be something as big as that. It can just be like, oh, maybe I need to delegate some stuff. Maybe I need to ask for an extension on a work deadline. Because for totally, you know, and again, then my brain will go, you shouldn't be asking for an extension or a work deadline, you know, and you're like, well, why not? Because life happens. Yeah, 100%. And it's like this tyranny of perfection that we put on ourselves is so unhelpful. I'm a 100% of perfectionist. That's why it takes me so long to get new music over the line is because I always want to make it as perfect as I can. Yeah. That

will have been something that maybe helped you when you were younger. Might have been a coping mechanism that helped you. I know for me, self-worth has always been a thing that I've struggled with. And I think perfectionism was maybe my way of trying to attain higher self-worth by being perfect at something or doing a good job. But perfectionism doesn't aid me now. It just, it holds me back if anything. Yeah. Well it becomes actually weirdly self-sabotage.

Yeah, yeah. Because you go, well you should be better at this. You shouldn't be asking for help. It's like, I'm just a human being with feelings and life. Perfect is often the enemy of done. Yeah. Okay. Final question. Yes. This is from someone who has not given the name. Okay. Anonymous. Anon. Unless the name is actually Anon. Anon. It's a lovely name. Hang on. It's a lovely name. When I feel low, I reach for anything to escape.

Food, my phone, shopping, scrolling mindlessly until hours have disappeared. It's like I can't sit with my feelings without distracting myself. How do you stop running from yourself when the real work feels too scary? Oh my god. It's just so relatable, isn't it? Yeah. As you're reading, I'm just like, that's me. feels too scary. Oh my god. It's just so relatable, isn't it? Yeah. As you're reading, I'm just like, that's me. What are the ways that you try to escape from frightening feelings?

Oh my god. All of the above. You know, I do find myself on my phone just scrolling through and I'll be there for hours and I'm just thinking I've done nothing and nothing productive. I don't feel like I've learned anything from everything I've seen. It literally just feels like you sat at a, almost like a, one of those, you know, you put a coin in, the wheels roll around. It feels like you're at one of them. And I think you're just waiting for something to come along and sort of change your day a little bit like an endorphin kick. I think for me, one of the things I've found really helpful is manifestation and not in the sense of thinking about a good thing hoping that it happens. It's about sitting down as soon as I wake up in the morning, I'll take some time to

sit with a notepad and a pen and write down five things that I want to achieve or five things that is in my, you know, my vision on my vision board or you know today I want to find some peace or today I want to be better at making decisions or you know today I want to go out and get a personal best on my run or whatever it is I'll write down five things and I think even just doing that even the practice of you know taking yourself to a place where you're visualizing yourself doing the hard work and visualizing what it is you want and writing it down. It's a positive step forward. Like positive action. Yeah. And the good thing with manifestation is you're not writing an unachievable dream

down in the hopes that if you write it down, it'll come true. It's that you're writing it down, but then you're like thinking about what it will take to get to that dream, you know, and you're visualizing yourself doing the hard work so that when the hard work does come, it almost feels a little bit easier and you're prepared to do the hard work. Is it a nice change for you as well? You spoke about in the main episode about the book you had

where you just listed all the things you hate about yourself. Is that a nice antidote to that? Yeah, yeah. Because then you're like combating with the complete opposite with happy, you know, happy thoughts, with positivity, constructive, you know, things that you can tangibly move forward with rather than trying to change something that is either not unchangeable or it doesn't even exist, you know. What was on your list this morning? On my list this morning, it was definitely getting better with decisiveness.

Oh, yeah. I just, I'm so bad. I'm so indecisive. Like to a point where somebody says, where do you want to eat tonight? I'm like, oh, I'm not really bothered. Like, what do you think? And they'll go, oh, what about this? And I'm like, I don't know about that.

And it's like, well, make a decision. I'm so bad at decisiveness. And also just being at peace with something like if, you know, if I've gotten into a little bit of an altercation with somebody and we go right there, straw line in the sand, sometimes I will say it and then secretly I'm seething and I'm like waiting for the right opportunity to bring it back up. Very relatable. Yeah, it's so, it really doesn't help me. So they were on my list this morning.

And the good thing is that even just writing them down, I feel better for it because I'm aware and that awareness is helping me move forward. A huge thank you to Callum for all of his insight and wisdom. I think he could have a secondary career as an agony uncle. Do agony uncles even still exist? That feels like a very like 90s thing and it probably ages me. Anyway, his story is proof that struggling with self-worth doesn't mean you're broken, it just means you're human. If this episode helped you, I would love it if you could like, subscribe, follow,

share it with a friend. If you're feeling extraordinarily generous, leave us a review. But most importantly of all, I want you to take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself and come back next time for more Life of Briny.