The Life Of Bryony - Millie Mackintosh: How to Survive a Sober Christmas

Episode Date: December 1, 2025

This week on The Life of Bryony, I’m joined by my wonderful friend Millie Mackintosh to talk about something so many of you have been asking for – how to survive and actually enjoy the festive season without alcohol. Millie shares her honest and heartfelt experiences of giving up drinking, the challenges of those first few Christmases sober, and practical tips for navigating parties, family gatherings, and the pressures of December without drowning out your feelings with booze. We discuss how to plan your social calendar, finding your tribe, and the small wins that make all the difference. If you’re sober curious or newly sober, this episode will remind you you’re not alone. Bryony xx BOOKS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODEMillie’s book, Bad Drunk, is available in paperback on 9th January 2026.LINKS TO SUPPORT GROUPSIf the content of this episode resonated with you today, and you would like support, please consider the following:DRINKLINE – For anyone who is concerned about their drinking, or someone else's.To speak to someone call 0300 123 1110 (weekdays 9am–8pm, weekends 11am–4pm) ALCOHOL CHANGE UK – For anyone seeking help with their own or someone else’s drinking.Visit https://alcoholchange.org.uk/ THE FORWARD TRUST – For anyone needing support to recover from addiction.Chat to someone online at https://forwardtrust.org.uk/talk-to-us (weekdays 9am-5pm) ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS - For anyone who feels their drinking is causing problems or who has a desire to stop drinking.Call 0800 917 7650 visit https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/IF YOU LIKED THIS EPISODE, YOU MAY ALSO ENJOY:Bad Drunk: Millie Mackintosh on Sobriety, Motherhood, and HealingWE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOUGot something to share? Message us on @lifeofbryonypod on Instagram.If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it – it really helps! Bryony xxCREDITS:Host: Bryony GordonGuest: Millie MackintoshProducer: Laura Elwood-CraigAssistant Producer: Tippi WillardStudio Manager: Sam ChisholmEditor: Luke ShelleyExec Producer: Jamie East  A Daily Mail production. Seriously Popular. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, you lovely lot. You're in for an absolute treat today because I'm doing an episode you've all been calling out for for ages. And that is how to survive the festive season as a newly sober person. Joining me in the studio today is my friend Millie McIntosh, who, like me, had to give up drinking because she was such a bad drunk. Her words, not mine. Together, we're sharing our top tips for getting to New Year without drowning yourself in booze. It did feel hard at the beginning, and I definitely had moments where I thought,

I wish I could drink. Over time, it does definitely get easier. But recognising the small wins, I think, is really important, especially early on. I think you need to really be kind to yourself and recognise that you did something difficult, and I give yourself a pat on the back. My chat with Millie coming up right after this.

Millie McIntosh. I was going to say welcome to The Life of Briney, but you've already been on. In fact, you were such a popular guest back at the beginning of The Life of Briney that I've asked you to come back. So welcome back to The Life of Brine. Thank you.

And this is a gorgeous new studio. We weren't in here last time. No, we were basically in a broom cupboard. We were. But we had fun. We had a lot of fun. And I wanted us to have fun today. And I wanted to get you in because

I desperately want to do an episode on, it's very specifically on how to navigate the festive season while sober without drinking. Because I know that a lot of listeners of The Life of Briney, they might describe themselves as alcoholics. They might not, but they might be sober curious. They might be desperate not to have another Christmas and New Year. just permanently hung over. And so I wanted to do a practical episode that gives people tips to be able to get through this incredibly social period without having to drink all the Baileys or any of the Baileys. Oh my God, that just, I just had a flashback.

Okay, well, let's, can we start with our flashbacks? Because I just wanted like flashbacks, the ghosts of Christmas past before we got so. Yeah. So how, so you are now, what, four? So it's nearly three and a half years. Three and a half years sober? So four years ago was my last drunk Christmas. Do you remember much of that?

So I was thinking about this because when you asked me to come on, I was thinking what my last Christmas drinking was like. And I had a one-month-old baby. Wow. Aurelia was born in the middle of November. So literally she was, you know, about five weeks old. And I was hosting. Of course.

because, of course, I was like, yeah, of course I'll host with a one-year-old and a five-week-old. And it was a bit of a disaster. I ended up so drunk by about 5, 6 p.m. that I was put to bed, like a sobbing mess. And I remember just the kind of anxiety of like the kind of hosting, like being so overtired. But then also just being like, I've got to make it perfect because I'm such a perfectionist. and everything, you know, everything had to be, like, over the top, like, from the decorations to just, you know, like, overspending on the most, like, ridiculous ingredients I could find just, I don't know, I just wanted to make it perfect and wanted to make it really special

for the girls, even though I wouldn't remember it. Yeah. And didn't really understand what Christmas was yet. But I just had this, like, picture perfect idea of how I wanted Christmas to be. And I remember doing the cooking in the morning, starting drinking in the morning, you know, glass of champagne, which was kind of like a tradition that I always had with my mum was like drinking in the morning. Well, this is the thing. Christmas is the one time where you can hide a drinking problem in plain sight, right? Yeah. So it was like a boozy Christmas Eve dinner, waking up a bit hungover on Christmas Day, which like, which has always been something I remember because you get a bit overexcited on Christmas Eve. Yeah, that's the peak.

Yeah, overcook it, wake up on Christmas morning. you're like, oh, God, but you kind of, you wake up and start drinking after breakfast, you know, slowly slipping away while you're cooking, starting to feel quite merry, then kind of the big lunch, then I kind of remember just, you know, being like kind of trying to enjoy it, having wine, like my parents loved their wine, you had like all these different wines with the different courses, and then I kind of got stuck into like the spirit, started, I think I started drinking like gin and tonics. And we, I think the kids must have been having a nap or gone to bed.

We put on, I can't remember what movie it was. It was some kind of disaster movie. It was kind of like one of those like apocalyptic movies. Die hard maybe. That's a real, people love that at Christmas. It was something like that. And I must have been watching it and I had like double vision. So I'm trying to watch this movie.

I can see like two of everything. You're trying to watch the end of the world. Yeah, I'm watching the end of the world. And I just was like so overwhelmed. but like by how drunk I was and just like the emotion of I think like suddenly I was like oh my god what if the world ended and you know I just was like sobbing because the film like was obviously triggered something and then I just kind of had to be put to bed and that was the end of my Christmas day so that's definitely not a good memory it's just kind of it's just kind of it was a bit

sad. Yeah. That sort of sadness of like, I want it to be perfect. Yeah. And yeah, and then drinking yourself basically to sleep by the time the Queen's speech has come around. And then waking up on like the boxing day and being like embarrassed and thinking, oh God, my parents, what, they must think that do they think I've got a problem and then no one talked about it. And then for me, Christmas, like the Christmas actually itself, by that point, I was usually too exhausted. from like a prolonged Christmas of like festive period of drinking and I always remember that because I drank so much I was known as the party girl and at the beginning of December people would suddenly come out of the woodwork and be like Briney let's go partying or let's

festive night out festive drink and I'd be like where were you all the other months of the year when I needed you and I always used to call December Amateurs Month because it was like people came out and they drank the way I drank the whole year. Right. But I sort of had this, it was like, but it still accelerated for me because I had an excuse, I had like a reason to drink and take drugs in my case excessively.

And I do remember one Christmas festive period where I realized, it was like Christmas Eve, and I realized I had drunk and taken drugs every night for 18 nights on the trot, right? And I had done no Christmas shopping. It was amazing that you're alive. It was really, really amazing. I'm alive because it was, it was like I hadn't slept for a prolonged period.

But it was all this festivity. And I remember it was Christmas Eve and I hadn't bought any Christmas shopping. Oh, my God. It was like I was in my late 20s. So it was kind of, you know, no one was expecting much for me. I was single. I didn't have kids or anything. but I remember going to Oxford Street on Christmas Eve

to go and suddenly get all of the Christmas presents and I remember standing on like the corner of Regent Street and it was like near Liberties, although I wasn't shopping in Liberties because I couldn't afford it. And I remember thinking I'm about to die. I realise now I was having like a panic attack, but I thought I was having a stroke and there was St. John's ambulance because they almost were there because

large crowds Christmas Eve whatever and I remember thinking do I need to go to the St. John's ambulance and tell them that I'm about to die. I don't know what I thought I was having a stroke but it's a panic attack you just feel like you're dying. Yeah and then I remember like buying the presents going home going to bed really early on Christmas Eve and then it was Christmas Day and I started all over again you know but then the amount of things like New Year's Eve's as well where that week between Christmas and New Year where like Twixmas, as we call it now, nothing was happening.

And it was like no one was really at work. And again, it was just an excuse to drink. I find that period really difficult because, and I still find it hard. Really? Because there isn't any structure. So like ADHD, I like a routine. Yeah.

Now I've got kids as well. And I don't have childcare in that period. they're not going to school, it's just, it can feel quite intense. I mean, going back historically, when I didn't, I guess when I didn't have a family, that time was just, was massive parties or like, either like house parties or just, yeah, basically one long session between Christmas and New Year. And now I'm a bit kind of like, what do I do in that time? but I'm finding, I'm going to fill it with really positive things and be really present

and actually take it as time to rest as much as you can rest when you've got a three and a five-year-old at home. I, yeah, I think to be honest for me, that time is still quite difficult, and I don't know if I'm really looking forward to it, if I'm completely honest. But I think that's really important because if someone's listening and they are navigating their first Christmas or festive period without a drink. I think it's really important to be honest about how hard it can be. It's hard, but I think the key thing to remember is it's not as hard as the alternative. Oh, 100%.

Which is carrying on in this kind of groundhog day existence of like feeling awful, waking up. Feeling awful doing, like, yeah, waking up each morning and just being like, oh, there's all this leftover booze in the hell. and, you know, having kind of, yeah, you don't have to get up and go to work. So you're just, yeah, drinking day after day after day with, like, a constant hangover. My first sober Christmas was in 2017. And I'd literally come out of rehab a week before. And I remember sitting in the, you know, towards the end of rehab,

they kind of are making sure that you're okay to leave and all of that. So to be coming out of rehab at Christmas and going. back into like the family unit was obviously something they were like are you prepared I think a lot of people must relapse at Christmas because of the family dynamic is going to trigger you more than anyone else well the great saying is your family know how to press your buttons because they installed them isn't that good so good that's so true so I always remember this great counselor saying to me like I was like what's your advice because with the best will in the way

world. I have no idea how to cope with Christmas, you know, back out there without a drink. And he said, he said, smile and wave. And I said, what? And he said, you just, when you're with your family, just smile and wave. Like the queen, just rise above it. He was like, do you want to be happy or do you want to be right? Every time they say something that annoys you, just ask yourself, do you want to be happy or do you want to be right? That is so good. Yeah. And I was like, I want to be both. And he was like you can't be both, Brian. You can only be one. Of course. You can only be happy or you can only be right. And actually, and I've said this many times in podcasts and things, but actually that is one of the best pieces of advice for life generally, not just for people listening who are

trying to get through Christmas sober. But I remember thinking, okay, yeah, like I can make a choice. Do I, I have a choice whether to be triggered by something my mom says or some annoying way my sister or my brother is. And, you know, I've really held on to that. It's like, take a deep breath. You can do this for one day. You know, you don't have to do this every day of the year. You can do this for one day. And actually, you know, I wanted to get onto your book, Bad Drunk, because I do genuinely think, Millie, this is one of the most helpful books in terms of practical tips for the beginning of your sober journey, right? Because there's a lot of like quit lit out there, my book included, which is all about the feelings, the grossness. And you do go

into that, you know, and we, if anyone hasn't listened to the podcast that Millie and I did back at the beginning of the year, please do go listen to it because a lot of Millie's stories, she very bravely shares her experiences of that there. But this is also, and what we didn't so much get onto in that episode, which I really want to get to the kind of nub of here, there is so much practical advice. I mean, you wrote it in conjunction with Dr. Ellie, canon. So there's a lot of like professional advice from her there. But you're really good at offering up tips. And there's a chapter in there which is all about what about my social life? What about my social life? And I just wanted to read back to you. Okay. That's okay.

Yes. Something you said which I think is going to chime with a lot of people listening who might be trying to navigate or trying to. It's such a tricky time of year for people and for anyone at any point of the year when you decide to stop drinking just to start, it feels really hard socialising. To make that choice to be alcohol-free, you know, for whatever reason, it could be that you think you've got a problem, it could be because you want to, yeah, you want to feel better, it could be because all sorts of reasons. But you write, looking back, those first few months of sobriety did feel bleak at times. I wasn't always clear-headed, sparkly-eyed, and it wasn't always rainbows and roses. I didn't think I'd ever dance again.

I didn't think I'd ever be able to go out to a party and have fun again. I couldn't work out how I was going to socialise without a glass of Dutch courage in my hand. I knew I didn't need to have a drink to be around my loved ones, but the thought of going into a bigger social situation seemed really scary. And I think that is going to chime with a lot of people. Yeah, Christmas parties. I think a lot of people have work things that they feel.

feel pressured to drink at, there's suddenly your calendar is filling up from kind of November onwards at this time of year. So it is, it's definitely a hard time for people who are navigating, you know, the start of an alcohol-free journey. But we've got tips. Oh my God, do you have tips, Millie? Do you have tips? Now, this is a really helpful tip that I didn't know of. In my mind, everyone drinks, just everyone drinks. Everyone drinks, but me and you, basically. And actually, fun fact, presented in your book by Dr. Ellie Cannon, is that one fifth of the adult population, that's 20% of the adult population, don't drink at all. They just don't drink. It just never really occurred to me also that people didn't drink like I drank.

Yeah. No, lots of people don't drink like we drank. Like, like people can actually just have like one drink or, yeah, just have a few sips and just like nurse one drink. evening. Oh my God. I always, I never understood the people at Christmas parties who would like show up like the Christmas work office Christmas party and they would have one drink and they would leave and that would be that. Whereas I would be like several bottles in. I probably would have got a bag of Coke. Sorry. This is just me being honest. I would be trying to get off with my boss. I would, you know, I would end up sleeping with someone. and totally inappropriate.

I mean, obviously, all of the, now as I'm talking about it, and I don't need to be glib or like light about it because it wasn't actually particularly funny, but the dark situations I found myself in at this type of year. And there were, like... Because you do kind of just take things that bit further. Yeah.

Like I got alcohol poisoning after one like festive girls night out. Really? Yeah, I thought it was going to dark. What happened? I drank so many different drinks. Like it was literally like, can I drink the whole cocktail menu? I think there's a picture of me where I'm literally like got my arms around about 10 different cocktails. And they weren't all mine, like, but, you know, it was like jumping from one spirit to another and just so many drinks.

And I just could not handle it. I remember just throwing up for like days and days, not being able to get out of bed, just literally. being like, Googling, can you die from a hangover? And just, yeah, feeling so poisoned. Oh, my God. That's, that's, I remember once getting the shakes for the first time after a Christmas party, the next morning at work, being in the lift. Yeah.

I'm thinking, that is scary. Yeah. Literally delirium tremors. Yeah. And waking up and just have a feeling like you're like, you're so weak. And it's like you've got to just get some sugar into you because you're just like so hungover that you feel like you're going to die. Okay, so let's talk about the alternative.

So let's talk about the world where, because if you're listening, you're thinking, oh, my God. And they're like, yeah, sorry, we need to get to the, like, how to not, you're the positives. I can now do Christmas quite happily without picking up a drink. In fact, the thought of going to a Christmas party and drinking fills me with absolute horror. I would rather soar off my own arm. Me too. I really would. I had a drinking dream at the weekend. I haven't had one for ages.

They're so good. I love a drinking dream. Such a good reminder, because you wake up and you've got. got the fear. Yeah, there are a good way to remind yourself of what it was like to drink without actually having to relapse. Yeah, they wake up and I'm just like, and I feel the dread and the shame, and then it takes a few seconds and I realize it was just a dream and I'm so relieved. So relieved. And I'm just like, thank God. What does Christmas look like for you now? The best thing about it for me is waking up without regret. God, it's price of that feeling. And just waking up and like, being like, I don't regret anything I said

yesterday. I don't regret anything I did. And I remember everything I did. I remember everything I did. Remembering everything you did, not regretting it and not waking up with the shame spiral of who do I have to apologize to? Oh God. Is there evidence? Like, you know. The phone check. The phone check. The extensive phone check. Forget like I'm just thinking about it. Yeah. So Christmas now. For me, it's all about making it special for the kids. Which is what it should be. Which is that's like what feels really important for me.

It's taking some time off work, being really focused on time with the children, just time as a family. And the kind of, you know, the things that are really special to me are just, you know, like those family moments, that's what feels important. Going to carols, you know, doing cute festive stuff, like seeing their joy. making the house feel all festive and cozy, having kind of all the Christmas food feels like a treat and just simple stuff like cuddling on the sofa and putting on a Christmas movie

and not having anywhere else to be because no one's working over that time and that's what feels important. Trying to also not get stressed out by the kids being in the house for all of the Christmas holidays. It's normally raining, like non-stop. I'm going to spend time with family.

Not actually on Christmas. I'm not hosting. this year. So for the first time in about four years, I'm not hosting. I've never hosted Christmas. I don't know why I've offered to host Christmas the last four years when I've had children under five, like so stressful. I'm just not, no one, no one wants to eat anything. No one wants to eat anything cooked by me, let alone a turkey. So I think that's like a genius move is that I've never been asked to host Christmas. I can't, it's like I kind of love the hosting because I'm such a control freak,

but actually not doing it this year feels like a welcome relief. We're going out for Christmas, a Christmas lunch on Christmas Eve. And Christmas Day at the moment, we've currently got zero plans. Sounds heaven. Can I come and join you?

No, you can. So let's talk about the festive season, Christmas party season. Okay. Yes. Let's talk about how to get through it. So I think it's really interesting. Like the first of all, the thing is that it's reminding people that you don't actually have to go to these Christmas parties. So yeah, I think when it comes to getting through the festive season, ask yourself, like, what, what, what, what, what, if you say you get certain amount of it, say you get 10 invites to different things, really think about, okay, do I have to be there? Like, is it, how is it going to feel if I don't go? Like, who am I going to be letting down? Because, to be honest, no one actually really cares. I know we think that people will care so much if we're not there. People really don't care.

I mean, it's different. If it's say you're like best friends getting married and it's, you know, during the festive period, yet you need to be there. But if being around certain people or going, you know, you're kind of thinking, God, I'm definitely going to drink if I go to that because I just couldn't get through it without drinking. Don't go. Yeah. Like give yourself permission to not go.

I would go. I would go further. Like a close friend, I feel, should be able to support you through these dark times. And so if I was getting married and a close friend said to me, I'm just getting sober. I don't think I can calm. I would probably be kind of okay with it. But I can understand why if you weren't. But, you know, maybe it's about like, I think you say, like, do you have to go?

And if you do have to go, then you've got to make a plan. It's so crucial. It's all about the plan. The plan is, okay, arrive early. Make sure you've eaten something before. Oh my God, so crucial. Do not turn up to a party on an empty stomach. But also remember, this is the other thing, the rule of thumb.

You know you say if you get 10 invitations, work out which ones you have to go to and only go to them. Don't go to them all because here's enough. I've got lots of really useful, slightly annoying sayings. No, I love your saying. I love your saying. Which is that I remember someone saying to me in my early days, like I remember being, like, do I have to go? to this work thing at a pub and my friend was like no what don't go to pubs don't go to wet places so true because it's like if you go if you hang around at a barbers for long enough you're going to get a haircut

yeah right and this is true so it's like be really really you say in the book okay um be realistic about what you can handle right and you say work out the five hellos you have to do if it's a work environment and then leave yeah but then you then you don't have the guilt of like oh i didn't go i should have gone it would have been it would have been good if i showed my face just go and show your face have one soft drink so you're holding something in your hand or bring your own like soft drink or mocktail of choice you know there's so many good alternatives now um if you feel awkward without you know holding something just whatever just get water in a champagne glass if you if you don't want people to know you're not drinking, say your hellos and then just don't say

goodbye and just leave. Yeah, the not saying goodbye is the really revelation. Because that's when you feel like people might be like, oh, come on, stay for a bit. Yeah. You just, if you need to excuse yourself, say you're going to the bathroom and then just leave. Yeah. I also, what I haven't thought about was how actually people that are getting on it, they don't, with the best will in the world, they don't want us there. They're going to make you all feel. You're just going to make them feel uncomfortable about how much they're drinking.

It's such a, that gave me the greatest relief was knowing that they weren't going to miss me. And they were actually going to be grateful I wasn't there. I went to a party recently. And I was having a really good time, you know, and it was really nice. But then I got to the point of the night where people definitely started to repeat themselves. And I was like, and that's the point. I mean, you say it in bad drunk. That was the point where I have to leave without kind of saying goodbye.

And but in the taxi, in the Uber home, I started fantasizing about this night out that I was going to have with my friends who drank and we were going to go, I was going to go dancing with them to Soho or something. And the next morning, my friend Ed, he messaged and he was like, it was really nice to see you. And I was like, oh, I had this whole fantasy about like going on with you. you because I could tell he was getting stuck in and he was like no he said no no sober people after 9 p.m we don't want you and you're you're terrifying ability to remember and I like that

and he meant it like lovingly but he was like no don't know you're yeah it's so true and and I think sort of remembering that is like again we can over egg the our own importance with the best will in the Yeah. Either that, people are going to be really upset. I think also if you happen to be the kind of person who drinks too much, right, like me or you, whether you describe yourself as an alcoholic or just someone who doesn't get on with drinking. A bad drunk. A bad drunk, exactly, which is the best title for a book ever, I still maintain. If you are that kind of person, the chances are you're also going to be the kind of person who feels things. very strongly. Yes, very, like highly sensitive. Highly sensitive, overthinks things. So you may get into

a spiral that by turning down an invitation or not going, people are going to hate you. They're going to think that you're awful. Yeah. And the reality is most people are not going to notice. So true. And the other thing... People are much more concerned with themselves. Yeah. And the other thing is, is that if someone is upset that you're not coming to something, a Christmas party. Let's just say, let's put the idea of your best friend getting married out of the window and just say this is a bog standard Christmas party. And your friend is throwing it. And they, and you tell them that you have, you think you have a drinking problem and you need to not drink. And so you can't go to a party. And they say, oh, come on. Don't be ridiculous. Perhaps they're not the friend for you. Definitely. It's you really, you do really find out who your friends are. Yeah. When you stop drinking. Well, it holds a mirror up to people, doesn't it? And going back to what you were saying before with wanting to continue on your friend's night out,

I, when I stopped drinking, I kind of had to mourn the girl that I used to be when I was drinking and be like, I'm not going to be on those nights out anymore because I think there's different types of people who don't drink for whatever various reason. And some people might still want to be dancing in the club sober and, you know, have it staying up really late and they're able to do that. That's amazing.

I can't do that. I don't understand people that want to be dancing in the club so far. But I think some people just have that kind of energy. They don't need to drink to feel comfortable. They're so comfortable in themselves. Like it makes me quite jealous. Oh, no, it makes me very jealous. Like I'm like, you can dance like sober and you're confident and you don't care what people think.

Like that is ultimately someone. is so comfortable in their own skin. But I wonder, I often ask this of people who have like long, long sobriety. So we're talking like decades. And I'll go to an event and I'll be like, is there a point in being sober where you enjoy being out in the evening? Because I'm like, because I don't think I've hit it yet. I dread it.

When I'm there, I enjoy it. I have a good time. You get the anticipation of it. I can't. I will think about it all day. I will think about it for the weeks before. I will, you know, and so it is also like factoring that in, you know, and that might that might be the case for people whether they're drinking, you know, whether they have an alcohol problem or not.

Yeah, it's a social anxiety thing. Yeah. I mean, I, sober dancing is like, I like, I like don't really want, I don't know as well if I want to be in a nightclub anymore. Yeah. Like it doesn't feel like the environment I want to be in. No, that ship has sailed. Like, I don't think I ever wanted to be in nightclubs in the first place and maybe that was why I drank so much. yeah so I could feel like I did want to be there but it wouldn't have been fun if you were sober in the club no but there are people who genuinely talk about like have this amazing night and we didn't drink and we just danced and the music filled our bodies and I'm like I can't it gets to 9pm and I'm like I need to be in bed because this is my bedtime and my aura ring

is telling me that this is my ideal like bedtime is this time and this time I need to It is your ideal bedtime, Millie. It's 9 p.m. Is it, okay? Asleep by 9. A sleep by 9. Okay, so hang on. So that means getting into bed at what time?

7.45? No, maybe like, I fall asleep quite quickly. Maybe like 8.30, 8.45. Okay. Oh, my God. We should live together. Please. Because I, last night, I was in bed at.

It's a little embarrassing. No, don't tell me. I love it. I love it. I love it. To be, to be, to be creating this. podcast about socializing sober. I know I don't know my tips on socializing sober like stay home and watch like watch Netflix

with the hot chocolate and go to bed by 9 p.m. That's what I'd rather be doing. Oh, me too. I'm not going to sit here and lie and be like, I love parties and I'll be there with my, you know, it depends on the party, but I do still find it hard because the social anxiety hasn't just disappeared. Yeah. It's a lot more obvious.

And that's really important thing to learn. But as you say in bad drunk, the thing is that you have to go through that period. You have to do that first festive period to understand. Because you're learning who you are suddenly. You're learning. You meet yourself for the first time when you get sober. Yeah. And it's hard.

And so, you know, you have to go through a couple of those festive periods. And maybe you'll slip up and maybe you will end up drinking, you know. Go easy on yourself. for help you know you're trying to make a change it's not easy if it was easy we wouldn't be sitting here having to make podcasts or write books about it right there wouldn't be rehabs there wouldn't be 12 step programs like a a you don't I mean it's hard so but you do have to go through that to accept that actually oh oh my god maybe alcohol was serving a purpose which was enabling me to feel like the person I thought I had to be and now

I, and actually, I'm now at a stage, I don't know about you, where I feel really grateful towards alcohol. I don't hate it. I don't resent it. I don't see people drinking and think, you know, like I just think, oh, okay, whatever. Like, I don't blame big alcohol for me being an addict or an alcoholic. I actually look at alcohol and think, thank God that existed, because I had no way of being normal in the world. Yeah. It was the super. It was the super. solution for me for a very, very... But we use it like medicine. Yeah, it was medicine until it became a problem in and of itself, okay?

And then, so I'm not, I'm not saying to people, go out and drink. I'm just saying that this is a very easy way to feel human in our society. And, but now I'm genuinely of, of the position where I just am like, I don't think I ever really enjoyed going to parties, you know, like I never felt comfortable. No, so I had to drink, drink, drink. And the more uncomfortable I would feel, the more likely I would be to get blackout drunk. Yeah, yeah, blackout, blackout drunk.

Also that realization you mentioned earlier that it never occurred to you that people didn't drink the way that you drank. I mean, I'd grown up with like parents that drank moderately and, you know, I never really saw them drunk. So it wasn't, like I had seen people drink responsibly. But I felt maybe like people my age, it kind of didn't occur to me that other young people weren't all drinking to blackout every weekend. Yeah.

Yeah. And then as I got older, I was kind of like, is this normal? Like, is it normal to, you know, have one and suddenly just want to consume all the alcohol in the world? Yeah. Is it normal to wake up and have a panic attack and feel like the only thing that's going to help is to, you know, take a sedative or start drinking again or both? Is it normal, yeah, is it normal to just wake up with that shame and regret? Like, it's just, it crushes you.

It really does. So here's my other tip for the person who really wishes that they could just have one. And each Christmas season or each party they go to, they go, maybe tonight will be the night where I drink moderately. Oh, the amount of times I said that to myself. Yeah. Like the lies we want to believe. Yeah, like magically I'll become a normal drinker.

Like, I kind of, I do genuinely believe you either can or you can't. And my tip to you would be just accept that if you can't drink moderately by the time you're, you know, in your mid-30s or a parent or whatever, then the chances are that's not something that's in your gift. And that's okay. So true. And it's genuinely easier to have no drinks than one. Like it's so much easier. So if you have to... That's why I have to have none.

Yeah. I can't just have one. And also, if they came up with like a drug and we're like, oh, here's this drug and it'll make you drink moderately, I'd be like, I don't want it. Because what I wanted was oblivion every time I drank, even though I thought I'd want. The idea of one or two now kind of like is still horrifies me when I see people at parties or dinners and they have one or two. And I'm like, why would you bother? Yeah, I have this one friend. She's one of my best friends. And she just would just honestly have one drink the entire night. And she just

holds it. And occasionally she sips it. And I used to, when I was drinking, I used to be like, come on, have another one, have another one. And like, pressure her to drink more so that I would feel okay about the fact that I'd drunk three margaritas in the space of half an hour. And she was still on, you know, sipping one glass of champagne. I'll be like, how do you do that? And she just, she honestly drinks like that. She might have like one or two drinks the entire night and she just can kind of just have it in her hand and not like down it.

I used to really confuse me. It's like how, like what's wrong with you? Yeah, mysteries. What's wrong with me? Okay. So if you are listening or watching and that you relate to that, we're going to give you some tips now, okay?

Yes. On on what to do during the festive season. So if you do have to go to a, party right yes so okay you've got you've decided it's important you have to go eat before you go yeah have a sober buddy so either somebody you're going with or if you're not going with them somebody that you can like run to the bathroom and message you can message them on the way you can message them when you're there you can message them when you are on your way home and it's like somebody that will hold you accountable i think that's really important and and again like knowing

that it doesn't have to be someone at the party they don't have to be at the party they don't have to be at the party if it would obviously be great if you were going with a wingman that also wasn't drinking. You could even be going with a friend that was drinking but knew that you didn't want to and wanted their support. But it was obviously more ideal if they were also sober and understood how you felt. But it definitely can be someone that you can message, you know, just be messaging throughout just for moral support. Eat before you go. Have someone to support you. Have a plan. Like if I start to feel tempted, I am going to leave. Give yourself permission. if I feel like I'm going to pick up a drink

I will just walk out and you know get myself home what would my other tips be take I think this is really important decide what you're going to drink that night that's non-alcoholic and if you don't think they're going to serve anything that you want to drink bring your own alcohol-free options

because I think having something that you enjoy drinking that's non-alcoholic really helps for me I like to still feel like I've got something in my hand whether it's, you know, in a cocktail glass. I don't want to drink alternatives that taste like alcohol. No, me neither.

I don't want to be reminded of alcohol, but I still want a nice drink that feels like, you know, I'm celebrating. So that might be, there's a really great brand called Free Spirit that do these, they're like functional non-alcoholic spirit. So they, like, one of them is called social elix here and it, like, kind of gives you energy and, like, boosts your moods. So it's got, like, different botanicals in it. And you can have it with, like, tonic or, you know, a trip are great as well because they've got, like, some of them have got CBD in or they've got magnesium in or they make, so they make you feel a bit more chilled.

So if you've got social anxiety and you're drinking something, you just make, that just takes the edge off that. When I got so, when I got sober in the old days, when I got sober eight and a half years ago, I remember, so going to Christmas and a Christmas party. and all that was really on offer was like elderflower cordial. And I'd be like, I'm a recovering alcoholic, not a fucking wood sprite. I can't drink any more elderflower cordial. But it's how it has come a long way. But I'm not like you in that I am like you in that I don't want to drink a non-alcoholic beer or a non-alcoholic wine because that just lights something up in me that reminds me of.

drinking and I did have this one experience where I drank like five non-alcoholic beers in an hour and I was like, okay, where does this go net? And I was like, where's the buzz? There's no buzz, Bridey, because it's got no alcohol. But the taste reminded you of the buzz. And I felt like the next step was to go and pick up an alcoholic beer. But each of their own, loads of people have different things. And at the very beginning, maybe it is helpful to hold that. But I, I find it all, like, even the botanicals and stuff. Really? I just, I'm like, I'm just a water person.

Really? Yeah. I think you're right about the food, like, make, sometimes I'm like, okay, I'll pre-eat because I can't, if I'm hungry. Yeah. They have snacks in your bag as well. Yeah. Another really helpful acronym in your early days of sobriety is halt.

Halt. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. And I think we can add hormonal onto that, as women. I think that's quite important. All of these things are going to make you more likely to pick up a drink. Yeah, never, you've got all of them at once. As we sometimes do, we sometimes do, especially as like parents as well. You've just got to be kind to yourself. Be like, is, you know, can I, can I handle going or what can I do that's going to, you know, okay, if I'm lonely, can I call a friend or have a therapy session? If I'm tired, can I just have a 20 minute power nap?

if I'm hungry, eat something, you know, what was the other one? If I'm hormonal, just scream into a pillow. So, okay, what if we're at a party, right, Lily, and the fact we're not drinking triggers someone else. Which it will. It will, and it does. It's a given. Yeah.

What do you say when people say, ask you, why aren't you drinking? So it depends, okay, I'd like to kind of read the person a little bit. Okay. Do you want me to do it? Do you want me to role play a series of situations? I quite like making people uncomfortable. Oh, me too. What is it what do you say?

I might just be like, well, I've got a drinking problem. Yeah, that's my favourite. Would that just be like, well, if I do have a drink, then I might, you know, burn my entire life to the ground tonight. Yeah. And what end of people? Or a good one is like, no offence, but if I was going to relapse, it wouldn't be.

with you. That's a good one. If I was going to relapse, like I would not waste it with you. Yeah. I'm not going to waste a relapse on this evening. No. Yeah,

I definitely, when people ask me, I'm like, it's because I'm an alcohol. They're like, why don't you drink? Like, because I'm an alcoholic.

And you say it like really serious face. Yeah. And just be like, yeah. And it kind of, then people are either like, oh, okay.

And they're like, but really starts a conversation. And they might like start, have loads to say about it. And it's a possible. positive conversation or they feel super awkward and you can just tell they want to like run as far away from you as possible. And that's also fine with me. It is. But what if you, okay, so if you are worried about that, because I do hear this a lot from people who go, but what if people ask me? Yeah,

yeah. So it's like the what if and like caring what people think, which I did used to care so much, what will people think if they think I've got a drinking problem? Now I just don't fucking care. Yeah, but I think also at the beginning, you can just, you can say whatever you want. At the beginning I wasn't ready to tell people. But you can and like it's okay and you don't have you don't have to tell anyone it's no one's business. It's no one's business but your own. You know if you feel if it makes feel more comfortable to say oh I'm on antibiotics or yeah I'm on medication doesn't mix with alcohol or I'm doing a detox or whatever like you can have a list of things you can say that if that makes you feel more comfortable. Yeah it was it would be

I'm doing a detox of dickhead people who ask me why I'm not drinking. And you've just not passed the test. You are being detoxed from my life. I have had someone before, you know, be like, oh, you're not still doing that. You know, you're not still doing that sober thing, are you? Come on. Like, you know, they're like, come on.

Have a drink with me. Like, come on. And you're just like, wow. It makes people so uncomfortable. It does, yeah. And you just have to really think, like, okay, like, what, this isn't about me. This is, you are a mirror to that person. and I have felt that pressure

like a kind of not as accepted now I'm not a party girl and maybe I'm not wanted as much at the party I get that and I hear that but I think as well there's a sort of sense of belonging though that if you cycle back and take yourself out of that party

you realize where you belong and who you belong with and that is worth so much more in the sense of like... Feeling like you belonged at that party and you were the wildest person there and had the most fun. And I think that thing where you say in the book about I couldn't work out how I was going to socialise

without a glass of Dutch courage in my hand, you know. I was thinking like drinking gives you Dutch courage but I've always said being sober makes you properly brave you know and it gives you something that is It's absolutely wild at times. It's so, it can be hard. Yeah, because you feel everything. You're not, you're not numbing.

Yeah, and having to get through, like, hard thing, because life keeps on lifeing. Oh, it really does. It really does. You know, you have to get through people dying, people getting ill, all sorts of things. And it's like, to me, it blows my mind that those kind of things can happen. And my first, I don't ever.

think about picking up a drink anymore. I don't ever think about it. I don't, you know, my first response isn't, I wish I could drink. It might be, I wish I could have a cigarette, but it's not ever that. And that is amazing. And that is to say to anyone listening who thinks that it's utterly impossible, that one day at a time, it is absolutely doable. It did. It did feel hard at the beginning and I definitely had moments where I thought I wish I could drink because this is so uncomfortable but I'm this I'd say I'm getting there now like I don't I don't look at alcohol I don't I could I don't want to drink it but sometimes I want to ease the discomfort that I'm feeling yeah so let's also talk about playing the tape forward yes and this is a nice

little trick for anyone who is struggling so it's not just about how to get through the night. It's focusing on how you're going to feel the next day. If you feel tempted to drink and you really don't want to and you're triggered or someone's trying to think like push you to have a drink or you think you're going to break, you're like, okay, I'm so close to just picking up that one drink, maybe one would be okay. Just fast forward to the next day. And the scenario, two different scenarios, one when you drink and one when you don't

and think about how you're going to feel. Yeah. You do this like check, like make a little. It was like a kind of gratitude list in like a preemptive gratitude list where you go, imagine having your morning coffee and sitting down, sitting there. Let's get into this right now. Let's do this, right? So you wake up early, nice, quiet house.

You remember how you got home. There's no shame or regret. You go downstairs, you make yourself your morning coffee, you sit in peace and enjoy it, and you feel really proud of yourself. And you're like, I went to that party. It was difficult for me, but I did it. And you just have that clarity and peace of mind that you put yourself first. And it is really that, like, feeling proud, I think.

You need to really be kind to yourself and recognize that you did something difficult. And, like, give yourself a pat on the back. You're like, high five yourself. Like, high five yourself in the mirror. and be like, I'm fucking awesome. I just did that. Yeah. And over time, it does definitely get easier. But recognizing the small wins, I think, is really important, especially early on. Even if you only went to the event for like 10, 15 minutes, like still recognize that as a win. There are also apps that will tot up how much money you saved by not drinking. That's a good one.

And that might be a good one to do over December because... And then go buy yourself something. Yeah. That's a reward for Christmas present at the end of the time. it. I think that's rewarding yourself because alcohol is a reward. That's how we see it. It's how we see it. So you can't, you know, just stopping drinking it doesn't stop you needing that reward. Yeah. I definitely think that when I, the first couple of times I tried to get sober, I thought that by just stopping drinking, the world would get better because alcohol was the problem, you know?

I thought that, I thought that as well at the beginning. And it was a real shock when, And actually life felt worse because alcohol wasn't the problem I was. And I don't mean that in a shaming way. I'm not shaming myself. I'm not like, you know, but I'm just saying that alcohol was how I soothed to myself. It was how I made myself feel safe, even if through drinking I was getting myself into incredibly dangerous situations. Like just sitting here, talking to you, Millie, I've remembered like a New Year's Eve, I woke up.

You know, when talking about the festive season as a whole, New Year's Eve, where the next day I came to, and I remember I had, like, boot prints on my knickers, you know, and I had, like, no recollection of what had happened or where I'd been. And this is, you know, serious, terrifying stuff. And now if I think about the alternative, which is that, like, I don't even wait, I don't even wait till midnight on New Year's Eve any. Or do I?

We're in bed at 8.45. I get a, and I'm like, literally Scrooge who wakes up and is like, can they just turn the fireworks down a bit? They're too loud. Everyone be quiet. Yeah. You're disturbing my eight hours. Yeah.

But like, for me, it's that joy of waking up at like 7.30 in the morning on New Year's Day and being like, I'm not hung over. Yeah. You know? I love New Year's Day now because it's like, you're like, also you're like, yeah, I've kind of got through the festive period. it's the start of January and I'd like kind of just you know getting out on nature going you know doing something yeah going for a nice walk going out for nice lunch and actually being present and not

just wanting the day to be over because you're so hung over yeah and not feeling like january is this kind of punishing time where you have to repent for all of the sins that took place over christmas you'll be like no i was just i was good to myself it's such a different feeling Like, I think, what did I do last New Year's Day? I went to, like, I want to start doing more yoga. Yeah. So I went to a, like, 90-minute yoga class. I was like, this is how I want to feel, like, you know, calm and grounded and doing, you know, looking after myself.

Yeah. I can't remember what I did this New Year's Day. Oh, I was away on holiday. So I was holidaying. But I've definitely had New Year's days where I've gone to AA meetings, lovely, where I've gone, been in formal and I've ended up dragging everyone into the sea for a cold water swim, lovely, walks, roasts, like all the good stuff. And that is what I think.

The wholesome, cozy family stuff. Yeah. And if you don't have a family and if you're single, you might think, oh, yeah, but I need to do this stuff. But you can go and do something in a group somewhere. You can still socialize. You can still find your people. And that's the key.

you are going to find your people. And the connections I've made with people since I stopped drinking have been so much deeper. And I really realized with friendships, it's not about who you've known the longest. Yeah. It's really not. And it's actually makes things a lot clearer.

And like new people have come into my life that maybe haven't even known that long. But straight away, you just feel in there a bit like actually how I feel with you. It's like they just understand. understand you. Yeah. And straight away there's that deep connection where you feel like you could just tell them your whole life story and they'd just get it. Do you know what? That's just reminded me of what I did on New Year's Day this year because I feel that with you as well, Millie. And we have a sober friend in common and we were both in the same place on holiday

and New Year this year. And do you know what we did? We got up, we met and we ran 11K together. I love that. 11 kilometers and we met a lot. What an amazing way to start the new year. 7.30 in the morning. I mean, and you're starting on a high. And if that, if you're listening and you're thinking you guys are so insufferably smug, I cannot bear it, listen, honey, come January the first, that's going to be you. And I cannot wait to welcome you to the motherfucking club. And I will add to that, don't wait.

If you're listening to this, don't wait to the start. Don't wait till the 1st of January to stop drinking. No. The amount of times I was like, oh, I'll start after. that wedding or after that hen or after that after summer because it's just too difficult to stop in summer no like don't waste another hungover weekend like don't just like start today now you start now it doesn't have to be january the first the power is in the present guys you can do this if milly and i can do it anyone can yeah and if you want a little bit of hand holding along the way

Bad drunk is out now. It will be out in paperback at the beginning of January. Millie McIntosh, thank you for coming back on The Life of Briney. I love you. Oh, I love you too. Now, I don't know about you, but I am feeling fabulously festive after that little chat with Millie. If you've got any tips on how you stay off the grog at Christmas, why not share them with me by messaging me on Instagram? You can get me at Brianie Gordon or at Life of Brianie Pod. And don't forget, Millie will be back on Friday for our special bonus episode. As ever, subscribe, follow, rate, rave about us to all of your friends, but most of all, keep being you.

I'll see you next time.