The Life Of Bryony - The Life of You – Cally Beaton on People Pleasing, Assertiveness and Owning Your Needs

Episode Date: August 8, 2025

In this episode of The Life of Bryony, comedian and author Cally Beaton tackles real-life listener dilemmas. Drawing on her own journey of midlife reinvention, Cally explores why people pleasing holds many of us back and why setting boundaries – especially as women – can feel radical. Cally shares her insight into the messy realities of change, ignoring naysayers, and the freedom that comes from putting yourself first. If you want to quieten the inner critic, embrace self-acceptance and have the confidence to be unapologetically yourself, this episode is for you.   WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU  Got a question or a story to share? Text or send a voice note on 07796657512 - just start your message with LOB   Use the WhatsApp shortcut: https://wa.me/447796657512?text=LOB Prefer email? Drop us a line at  [e-mail] If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it - it really helps! Bryony xx   Credits:  Host: Bryony Gordon Guest: Cally Beaton Producer: Laura Elwood-Craig & Jonathan O’Sullivan Assistant Producer: Ceyda Uzun Studio Manager: Sam Chisholm Editor: Luke Shelley Exec Producer: Mike Wooller    A Daily Mail production. Seriously Popular. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode of The Life of Briani is sponsored by George at Asda. Bring it on with George School Uniform. Shop now in store or at george.com. Welcome to a bonus episode of The Life of Bryony. Here, Callie Beaton answers listener questions and gives us even more of her distinctive, unfiltered wisdom. Basically, to live for what drives you and make sure. to set some goddamn boundaries. My invention and my breakdown are completely synonymous and I'm proud of that.

Grab a comfy seat. This is Callie giving us all some much needed advice. This is from Linda and she says I'm 50 and I've started daydreaming about becoming a whole new version of myself. Bolder, louder, more creative. I want to start a small craft and design business from home, maybe even turn it into something bigger. I've got ideas, I've done the research, and I haven't felt this excited in years. But here's the problem. I worry that if I actually go through with it, everyone will think I've lost the plot.

My friends keep asking if I'm okay whenever I post something a bit different on Instagram. My kids, lovely though they are, can be eye-rollingly judgmental if I so much has changed my hair or mentioned TikTok. Part of me feels like I've left it too late. Is there a way to reinvent yourself without blowing up the life you already have? Oh, but that's all the people pleasing thing again, isn't it? Because when you, I always used to say, my son is obviously, you know, because he's neurodivergent, he's not your typical, you know, he's not typical. And I always used to say when he was growing up, you know,

do you think like Billy Connolly was like, oh, I loved my school days? I fitted right in. Do you think the people you love just pleased everyone and fitted right in? So people don't like it when you changed, do they? people around you, your system doesn't always like it. But yeah, fuck them. What's she called Linda? I think, yeah. Lynn, I mean, also, why is that alienating the people that love Linda? You know, Linda can, you know, there'll be people I always think of Anne Russell on TikTok, the TikTok auntie, anyone who doesn't know Anne Russell, she's so brilliant. She doesn't

care what people are thinking about her. She's saying her thing and doing it. So, yeah, I think just keep doing it. Let them sit back and watch the success that she has and see how they feel that. And anyone who thinks, am I reinventing myself or am I having a breakdown? It's like it sort of doesn't matter. Well, it's definitely both. I mean, my reinvention and my breakdown are completely synonymous and I'm proud of that. So, yeah, it can be absolutely both. But it sometimes suits people to keep us in the books we're already in.

And sometimes we allow that to happen. Yeah. And that is at the heart of codependence and to liberate her infrastructure from the shackles of needing her to stay the same. It's for them she's doing it as well. Oh, my God. Agony, Aunt Callie Beatty. Move over Philippa Berry. Break down or break through.

Exactly. Or both. Getting the kids back to school should be a celebration, not a financial worry. That's why I love Georgia Asda. Their school uniform shop has everything under one roof. Scuff resistant shoes from 10 pounds, stain release polos, two packs from just three pounds, and trousers with reinforced knees, two-packed from just seven pounds, all designed to actually last. They even do easy-on, easyware options for independent dressing and sensory comfort.

Genius. Order online at george.com with free click and collect. Bring it on with George School uniform. Shop now, in store or online at george.com. Available at selected as-da stores and, George.com. Delivery charges may apply subject to availability. This is from Anna. I'm someone who gets stuff done at work, in my friendships, even in my extended family. I'm the one people come to when things need sorting. At first, it felt good

to be the good go-to person. It made me feel useful, capable, even a bit smug. But now it's like I built a version of myself that everyone relies on and I'm stuck inside it. So, here's my dilemma, Callie. How do I start reclaiming my time at work with friends with everyone without feeling like I'm being mean? Is there a way to stop people pleasing without doing a full personality transplant? And that's from Anna. I've started like anxiously gripping my necklace. It's such a, because they say, don't they, if you're a rescuer, you know, set your limits because the people being rescued never will. So we're the ones who have to decide.

And actually at a certain point, one of the breakthroughs for me in being less of a rescuer was realising that there's actually, without offending this lovely person, but there's a lot of ego in thinking we're the one who has to rescue everyone and without us we can't,

how could the show possibly carry on if we didn't do everything? But also we do get kind of resentful at a certain point. And, you know, at the heart of the Tovester work resentments are not good. So we might act like we're fine doing all this stuff, but we'll be bristling with, why the hell is it me again doing it? Resentment.

And it bristles on out and it presents itself and we think we've got it covered. So I kind of feel like being direct and being able to say no if we mean no and yes, if we really mean yes, is a long-term strategy. People-pleasing at the cost of immense resentment and burnout is not going to be, that strategy inevitably will reach its sell by day. And that might be a lot uglier. than just steady saying no is an appropriate boundary setting. And also it would enable the other people to save themselves.

Maybe that might be good for them. And also this is the judgment Anna is putting on herself in this. Like, how do I stop people pleasing without being a cow? Now, actually, that is a judgment you're making that putting down a boundary is being a cow. I do this all the time where I'm like, I put down about something isn't okay. And I'm like, that is not okay. and then my brain's like, was I awful? Was that awful? Was I unlikable? And that's where you have to come in and soothe yourself. When you think about being, there was that study,

the elephant in the valley about women in Silicon Valley being told they were aggressive, loads of them. Yeah, right about it. 80% of them told they were aggressive. But what's the difference between being aggressive and assertive? And the difference is that if you're being assertive, yes, exactly. It is. But it is. But it's also, if you're being assertive, you are still considering of the other person, but we are allowed to state our needs. And it can be actually quite a selfish thing not to, because everyone pays the price for us not being able to continue it. So I think being direct is, you know, I mean, I have my kids with a Dutch man. I know a lot about being direct. It's a very helpful. It's a very

helpful thing. Imagine having a half Dutch autistic son. I mean, what I don't know about being direct, it's not worth knowing. There's a lot of direct in our household, but I think it's good, really good. Yeah, I think I need you to coach me in directness. Directness is good. Anna is a pseudonym for Brieney. There you go. Well, Brianie, get a bloody grip and start saying no. Thank you, Callie Beaton. That's a wrap on our bonus chat with Callie Beaten.

I hope you're feeling buoyed up. And if you laughed or learned something new, why not share this episode with your favourite humour? And don't forget to subscribe to catch more behind-the-scenes stories and honest gems from future guests. This episode of The Life of Briani is sponsored by George at Asda. Bring it on with George School uniform. Shop now in store or at george.com.