The Life Of Bryony - The Life of YOU: Could a Dog Change Your Family FOREVER?

Episode Date: October 4, 2024

Welcome to Life of YOU, where your dilemmas take centre stage, and we try our best to solve them (or at least not make things worse!). In this bonus episode, I'm joined by the wonderful James Middleton as we dive into your most pressing concerns. Today… 📈 Emma’s career in finance is just not adding up – should she trade spreadsheets for sketchpads? 😫 Jessica’s on the night shift, and not by choice – will she ever get a full 8 hours? 🐕  And it’s a family affair – will my 11-year-old daughter convince her parents to get a dog? WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU You know what they say: a problem shared is a problem… halved?! Get in touch! 🗣️ Send a text or voice note to 07796657512 and start your message with LOB 💬 WhatsApp Shortcut: https://wa.me/447796657512 📧 You can also email me at: [e-mail] Also, check out James Middleton’s latest book Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life, a heartwarming tale about love, loss, and the special bond between a man and his dog. Bryony xx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Seriously Popular James Middleton is back again to help me tackle some of your troubles. James's new book, Meet Ella, The Dog Who Saved My Life, is out now. If you missed my chat with James, it's there waiting for you in your podcast app. Today, Emma's career in finance is just not adding up. Should she trade spreadsheets for sketchpads? Jessica's on the night shift and not by choice. And it's a family affair. Will my 11-year-old daughter convince her parents to get a dog? All of your problems solved right after this. Right, we have a message from Jessica, who is also known as Sleepless in Sunderland. She says, I'm writing this at 4am as I've been struggling with a lack of sleep that's turning

my life into a bit of a circus. My nights are a series of tossing and turning and I can't switch my brain off. It's affecting my mood, my work and my relationships. My job is quite full on at the moment and I'm having to work very late into the evenings, but I try to wind down for a few minutes It's affecting my mood, my work and my relationships. My job is quite full on at the moment and I'm having to work very late into the evenings, but I try to wind down for a few minutes with a book or a podcast. Nothing seems to work. How can I break this cycle of sleepless nights

and find some peace? Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated, not just for me, but for the sanity of everyone around me. That's thanks a million,essica from sunderland have you ever experienced insomnia james yeah i had a a big phase where i could never sleep and i almost when i drifted off i don't know sleep was almost worse than waking because i had just terrible dreams when i did eventually drift off i for me, my saving grace at that time was actually Harry Potter

and Stephen Fry's audio version of reading Harry Potter. And I don't know why, but I now come back to think about it and it was just such a simple story of something that allowed all the little things in your mind, have I done this, Have I done that? And it took you to this magical world, quite literally. And I loved it.

That really helped me because, yeah, you would just be taken off to somewhere else. And I think watching a film never worked or reading a book, I always sort of got distracted. So listening to stuff. So you're already listening to podcasts, so that's a good thing. But I think the way Stephen Fry reads it,

I think was fantastic. Quite soporific. I am not sleeping at the moment, actually. I think stress when I have a lot on, and it is about emptying the mind, isn't it? The other one, someone told me this once, is a puzzle. If they can't sleep, they go and do a puzzle. I thought that would make it worse for me, to be honest. Didn't you do puzzles with the Queen? Is it the queen that told you that she couldn't see? No, it wasn't, yeah. That is true.

The late queen. I did once do a puzzle with the late queen. Can I ask you what kind of puzzle it was? It was a fantastic wooden puzzle. I was very fortunate at that time. But no, puzzles for me are actually quite stressful. And it's always that thing of, I'll just do one more piece. I do find reading really has that sort of eyes closed effect on me.

Sleep is so important, especially for mental health. Like, I think it is the most important thing if you are unwell or if you are anxious but of course it's also the first thing that goes when you are having a mental health crisis so it's a kind of tricky catch 22 situation but through my own experiences of episodes or dark periods i have now got a very like my evenings are quite kind of sacred so i start going to bed and this sounds really embarrassing but I basically start going to bed at about seven like that the process starts then but I think that's I think that is so important I used to often you know go to bed quite late now I go to bed early actually to be honest when I'm putting my my son to sleep and about seven o'clock and I'm sort of doing his milk and it's often that I drift off before he does I think definitely getting a regular pattern in and Jessica I'm sure that

you thought about this but stop drinking coffee after lunchtime like often though you say to people have you thought about cutting down on caffeine and they're like no I'm not going to do that yeah well actually what if you if you're recommending reading then i can recommend a really good book that's just come out what would that be james it's it's about a wonderful relationship between a man and his beloved dog um and it's called meet ella the dog who saved my life but hang on you were doing the audio book aren't you yeah hopefully i can talk you to sleep also the other thing jess Jessica you say here how can I break this cycle and find some peace and do you know what sometimes I think the way to break the cycle is to accept it so instead of resisting it. I agree that the more you fight something the further it

goes away whereas if you just say okay this is what it's like at the moment and it probably won't be like this forever and it will be, you might find that you drift off to sleep that night. I think that's actually a very good answer. Because the more you fight it, and the more that you want something that I think the less likely it is that you get it. Yeah, very true. Right, our next message is from Emma, who's having a career crisis and wants some advice. For the past 10 years, I've been working in finance, financial analyst and investment, if you're asking. Are you asking, James?

Finance is finance. I agree with you. You work in finance, it's all the same to me. When I started in my early 20s, I was passionate about it and eager to climb the career ladder. But now a decade in, the spark has faded. I find myself going through the motions feeling unfulfilled and uninspired. I'm starting to realise that this job which once seemed so promising is no longer bringing me joy. I've always had a creative side, graphic design, art and making stupid memes online but I've pushed that all to the background. Lately it's been begging for my attention. I dream of doing something more creative, something that fills me with purpose. But the thought of

leaving a stable job is terrifying. I have bills to pay, responsibilities to manage, and the fear of the unknown is overwhelming. What if I fail? What if I'm not good enough? What if I end up regretting it? I guess I'm just looking for some guidance, a bit of reassurance that it's OK to want more from life. Maybe even a push in the right direction from Emma in Bristol. Yeah, I think something I learned a while ago is really pursue what makes you happy. And I think life, if you plan it out all too much and you look for a reason, I'm not going to say that this is similar but it is it's a bit like getting a dog and i get a lot of people asking me you know when's the right time to get a dog and oh but my life is too busy i can't manage it with my work well actually it's

amazing how your life can change and if you and the most common thing people say is you know when they eventually do get a dog and they said oh oh, we should have done this years ago. Yeah. It's so wonderful. And actually, that sort of should be the trigger to me anyway, is that just do it. Just, you know, don't be irresponsible. But ultimately, it's amazing how much your life can change and adapt to take on these new challenges. And the longer you leave it, the more you'll

regret. Wise words indeed. It's funny you should mention getting a dog just now because the last message is from my 11-year-old daughter. When I told her about your book, she asked me to ask you, what is the best way to persuade my parents to get a dog? I love this. For me, I wrote letters to my parents asking and giving them a list of reasons of all the reasons why I should be allowed to get a dog. And they actually went unanswered.

And eventually we did get a family dog. How old were you when you got a family dog? Just asking for a friend. Well, it was a really torturous time. I was 13. I was packed off to boarding school just on the same month that the dog comes. So was the dog like her?

All the children had left the nest, so to the dog was the dog like her replacement like all the children had left the nest so to speak or had um were aware and in comes tilly and i was like this is so unfair for 13 years i've been campaigning for a dog and just as i'm leaving home uh to go off to boarding school you get a dog um but but tilly was there on the on the holidays and the weekends the one thing i would say that to tell you your mother is that the day that you get a dog will be the day that your mother will say, we should have done this a few years ago. Okay, but here's the thing, right? We had, until last year, we had guinea pigs.

And sadly, the guinea pigs shuffled off their mortal coils. And the guinea pigs were like, I loved them. But I spent a lot of time as someone with a history of mental health issues, I spent a lot of time obsessing about the guinea pigs and worrying about the guinea pigs. So like, I felt that a lot of the kind of, for me, the mental health benefits of the guinea pigs were outweighed by my terror that at any given moment a fox was going to come and get them or that they might get some sort of guinea pig disease that I was worried about. calming and very kind of a relaxing thing to do for me it's another thing to be terrified that I'm responsible for I do think there's a lot more benefits that can outweigh that and I think the important thing would be the right breed oh okay of dog to rather than getting one that you like look of more getting the one that has the right temperament and can fit into your life.

What has the right temperament? There are, off the top of my head, I don't want to recommend one without knowing perhaps more. Oh, right. But for example, you can, in fact, there are some fantastic things you can do to see how a dog will fit into your life. And that's fostering.

Right. Fostering dogs. So I do a lot of work with the Dogs Trust. And if you get onto their fostering program, you can have a dog that rather than it living in a home, in one of their centers, it lives in a home environment with you. But perhaps isn't yours to stay with you because they're still looking for a home. But if it then so works out that this dog is pulling on your heartstrings and that it doesn't increase your stress and anxiety, then there's an argument that he could stay. Would you also argue to this poor sweet child who has sent in a question,

would you also make the point to her parents that actually pets are a really good way for kids to learn about life on life's terms and responsibility and looking after things 100 there's there's definitely you know from having guinea pigs and the life journey that guinea pigs take you on i think there's another journey that dogs in particular can take you on and they can be a real sort of solace in in challenging times as they they have been for me and um but they can be the absolute you know um laughter and you know your enjoyment of of a walk is suddenly enhanced significantly more and i think the general um hygiene levels sort of might go down but as a result, the immune system goes up and your ability to fight off things gets stronger.

I think if you overthink, there'll be as many reasons to get one as there isn't. But I think ultimately the best thing you can do is to do the research, find the right sort of dog for your environment and go for it. So go for it just generally generally your advice today is i think as long as you've as long as you've done your research you've got the you know you accept that there's a financial responsibility with having a dog and that you know that dogs are part of the family they're not just a um an add-on um they they if you see them as a as a family member i think dogs can give so much to a household. And any household that has one, I think, is very fortunate.

I shall bear that in mind. Thank you, James. No worries. You've done it. You've completed another episode of The Life of Bryony. Gold stars all round. It's important to set goals in life and we've decided that our initial one is that we'd like this podcast

to run for longer than the Liz Truss premiership, which means we've got another 35 days to go. You must, you have to do this. You must rate, review and tell a friend that this podcast exists. Don't gatekeep this podcast it's not cute details of how to get in touch are in the show notes you can voice note

text or email don't be shy we've actually got a voice note from joanne hello brianie i just wanted to leave you a quick voice note because i've just listened to a new podcast with Adele Roberts and it was really good so well done thank you for that but also um I also wanted to say that I am a PE teacher so I read your you've got this book um this summer and I read the um chapter five you're stronger than you think to all of my PE students the girls that are PEM. So they've definitely got the message across to them that it doesn't matter what body shape, size you are, it's all about taking part and looking after yourself physically and mentally. You never think anyone's actually going to read the things that you write or listen to the podcast that you record. So I am so touched to discover that actually people are listening to this and reading my books and

that they are being read to classfuls of girls in PE. Go you, Joanne. And on Monday, I'm chatting to the lovely Lottie Tomlinson about overcoming the loss of loved ones. I will see you on Monday.