The Life Of Bryony - The Life of YOU: How to Be There for a Friend with Cancer – With Ben James & Sarah Wieczorek

Episode Date: April 11, 2025

QUICK SURVEY – TELL US WHAT YOU'RE LOVING: We’re running a short survey to get to know you better—so we can keep making the kind of episodes you actually want to hear. Takes 2 mins, promise: https://ex-plorsurvey.com/survey/selfserve/550/g517/250305?list=3 WELCOME TO THE LIFE OF YOU! The bonus series where we tackle your dilemmas and share advice for life’s trickier moments. April is Bowel Cancer Awareness Month. This week, I’m joined by Ben James and Sarah Wieczorek - siblings of the late Dame Deborah James, also known as Bowelbabe. In this special episode, we talk about how to support someone going through cancer, what grief has taught them about showing up, and the real emotions behind running for someone you love. Together, we answer your questions on: 💬 How to stay motivated when you’re running in memory of someone you love 🤔 What to do or say when your best friend has just been diagnosed with cancer 💡 The power of small actions—like dropping off dinner, picking up kids, or just being there ⸻ 🚽 TOILET TALK – THE VIDEO SERIES Toilet Talk is a bold new video series from the Bowelbabe Fund and Cancer Research UK—featuring celebs on a neon-lit loo, smashing taboos one laugh at a time. 🎥 Watch now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_C_mAqiC58 ⸻ 💩 CHECK YOUR POO! https://www.bowelbabe.org/ Debs saved lives by saying the unsayable: check your poo. It’s not weird. It’s not embarrassing. It’s just good sense. Know the signs, trust your gut—and if something feels off, talk to your GP. It could save your life. ⸻ WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU 🗣 Got a question or a story to share? Text or send a voice note on 07796657512—just start your message with LOB 💬 Use the WhatsApp shortcut: https://wa.me/447796657512?text=LOB 📧 Prefer email? Drop us a line at [e-mail] If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it—it really helps! Bryony xx ⸻ CREDITS 🎙 Presenter: Bryony Gordon 🎙 Guests: Ben James & Sarah James 🎧 Content Producer: Jonathan O’Sullivan 🎥 Audio & Video Editor: Luke Shelley 📢 Executive Producer: Mike Wooller A Daily Mail production. Seriously Popular. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to The Life of You, the bonus episode where we tackle your dilemmas and share advice for life's trickiest moments. This week, I'm joined by Ben James and Sarah Weiserich, who are continuing the legacy of their sister, Dame Deborah James, by raising awareness around bowel cancer and smashing the stigma around talking about bowel health. You don't have to think you have to do everything. Like everyone falls into their own little roles. You know, not everyone's great at going to the hospital and sitting through chemo,

not everyone's great at picking up kids or cleaning and cooking. Like you don't have to do everything. You can just be good at one or two things that help. Your questions answered right after this. My parents have had a lot of time on their hands lately. At first, it was nice. Hey mom, can you drive me to soccer practice? Sure can. We're having slow cooked ribs for dinner. It was awesome. And then it became a lot. Some friends are coming over to watch a movie. Oh, what are we watching? I'll make some popcorn. Thanks to Voila, they can order all our fresh favorites from Sobeez, Farmboy, and Longos online, which is super reliable.

And now my parents are reliable. A little too reliable. Voila! Your groceries delivered, just like that. A mother's love deserves a gift like no other. Celebrate her love, strength, and style with heartfelt jewelry from Pandora. From our iconic charms to sparkling necklaces, rings, earrings and more, there are so many ways to say, thank you mom. So on Mother's Day and every day, tell her how much she

means to you with a gift from Pandora. Visit us in store or online at Pandora.net. So this question is from someone called Ali and Ali says, I've signed up for my first 10k and I'm doing it in memory of my mum. Any tips for finding motivation on the tough days and what keeps you going? For the reasons she's doing it. So just remember why you're doing it and I think that will be enough to just get you out there and get you past the finish line. Best of luck. 10k's are brilliant. You'll enjoy it.

It'll be amazing. Do you think sometimes that memory is actually, the hardness is what will make the day itself easy? One, it's just good to give yourself something to feel good about as well you know it's it's nice trying to challenge yourself like we were talking about earlier but I think enjoy it remember why you're doing it and you know think of it as a kind of nice way to you know remember who you're running for. And don't worry if it takes you ages to yesterday I was like I have to get out for a run or it's not happening. It took me about

three hours from when I said I was going. So I think I said I was going at two o'clock. I ended up going at six p.m. So that's four hours. It took me that long to like... Motivate yourself. Yeah. Right. So don't shame yourself. Yeah, it's fine. If the memory of your much loved relative is not enough to get you out of the house. That's normal.

I think that's really, do you know what? I think that's really great and I hadn't thought of that but you know if you still don't feel like training, that's very normal. That's very normal, it's okay and if it takes you a week, no not a week, I mean you know what I mean. But it took me four hours to be like I'm going and that was a Sunday so then I kind of destroyed our whole day plans really because. Yeah.

By the time I got back, it's like 8pm. Kids are like, seriously, where's dinner? But they could have made you dinner while you were out running 10 miles. But yeah, so you know, do what you need to do to get yourself out there. Yeah. And you'll feel better than to get yourself out there. Yeah. And you'll you'll feel better than once you've done it. Yeah. It's fine. Brilliant. This is a paid advertisement for better help. There's this myth that at a certain point in your life, you should just have everything figured out. Our careers, our relationships, our self-worth. But the truth? Nobody has it all together. Not really. And that's okay.

For me, therapy has always been the place where I can be myself and work through the things that hold me back. Perfectionism, people pleasing, the fear of getting things wrong. It's a space where I don't have to pretend. And honestly, that's been life changing. With over 5000 therapists in the UK already, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a wide variety of expertise in mental health. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash bryony. That's betterhelp.com slash bryony. That's b-r-y-o-n-y. Unwrap the early days of your favorite hockey stars with Tim's new retrospective rookies hockey cards featuring exclusive NHL and PWHL players and retired legends. Collect them all only at Tim's, at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. Hello, lovely listener. Thank you so much for being here on The Life of Bryony.

We hope you're loving the podcast, but I would love to make the show even better for you. And the best way to do that, finding out more about you. And that means hearing more about what you like, what you don't like, or even the things you're totally ambivalent about. So I've put together a short survey. It won't take long to fill out and it'll really help us to keep on improving the show. You can find the link in the show notes. Thank you so much. Now let's get back to the life of Brianie. Right, there's a question from Noelle who says, my best friend has just been diagnosed with cancer and I don't know what to say or do. I want to be a good friend but I'm worried I might do the wrong

thing and upset her. Any advice? It's a tough one. There's no right or wrong for sure because you know it's not just Dev's learner and different people manage different ways. I think from my experience the best thing to do is not always constantly ask what do you need me to do, what do you need me to do. Sometimes just think about giving them some space but then just forcing them to do stuff sometimes, or say turn up with some food, or just send them a nice message from time to time, and believe that they will ask you for help

if they really need it. Because I think sometimes people can get a bit pent up when all you think about is the cancer and what's going on. Sometimes just going for a normal day and not talking about cancer, for example, is really nice. But sometimes people think, and rightly so, that they should always be asking, like, how can I help? What can I do? And sometimes that's almost too many decisions. Decision fatigue was a big thing with the adepts from my experience. Yeah, I think so what what Deborah loved was just normality, actually, like, don't do something

because they're unwell, just do what you would normally do. She loved just being, feeling like things were normal for a moment. So if there's something that you enjoy doing with that friend, do that because they'll really appreciate the normality. It's difficult. Deborah loved talking about it. I know people that don't like talking about it.

So it's working out. If there's someone that wants to talk, talk. If they don't respect that, that they don't want to talk about it. And that's fine. It works for both. About the doing, I'd say if there's something you can think, again, offers of help. I know I find it hard to be like, yes, please. I remember when Deborah was really old, there was loads of people saying, oh, we can help. Let us know. Let us let us know but sometimes you're like I don't know what I need. And I don't want to need to let you know. That's an extra thing to do. And just do it. I remember like and I've learned from that actually because I don't think I was always very good at just doing is great so just yeah I also think I remember I mentioned last year a friend of mine was very unwell and we what we did is we created a whatsapp group for the they weren't neither they were in it

and we created something we called the spread shit which was because it was and it was a spreadsheet of a spreadsheet I love that spreadsheet and it was a spreadsheet of when we were going to go to visits at the hospital when we were going to be there in the evenings to help with the kids and we just got on and we did it yeah and then one person would let them know that it was happening and that just took it out of their their hands and actually that's really important like the one person would let them know that it was happening. And that just took it out of their hands. And actually that's really important, like the one person, because actually if you're getting it from loads of different directions, it can be like, I don't know, and then you get no reply.

Don't get offended if they don't reply. But I think that if you can just organize who's doing what, do it. Even if it's like cleaning their house or something, so that they can use their energy to do normal stuff, like get them some dinners cooked. Take the initiative. Just take the initiative and do it. And I learned from that, someone went through something recently and I just said, right, I'm picking something, so I'm picking something, so I've got them for the day.

And it just gives them some time. You don't have to think you have to do everything. Like everyone falls into their own little roles. You know, not everyone's great at going to the hospital and sitting through chemo Not everyone's great at picking up kids or cleaning and cooking like you don't have to do everything You can just be good at one or two things that help also I think there are people who are really good at dealing with dark stuff and being with dark stuff and there are people that aren't Yeah, and that's okay. And and like if you're a person who's not good at the dark stuff maybe take the

cooking casserole role. Yeah I agree. The one that reminds me whether this is useful or not is I just didn't tend to like get into too much depth about the actual cancer or what was going on that day and I'd always get the call from devs being like if you get here in the next 10 minutes, you can get me out of hospital and they'll discharge me. But she knew, like, in the nicest way, like, if my mum went there, she'd probably spend another two hours talking about which medicines to bring home and what have you. So I just kind of, my job was just to pick up Deb's as quickly as possible from the hospital

and drop her off. And not get embroiled in a conversation with the consultant. Yeah, it's just different things really. A massive thank you to Ben and Sarah for their warmth, honesty, and most importantly for continuing Deb's mission with so much heart. Don't forget to hit follow or subscribe, and most importantly take care of yourself. We'll see you next time. How do you turn trauma into triumph? When Life Gives You Lemons is the podcast which

seeks to explore this concept. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of only 36 in the midst of the global pandemic, my world was shaken. Sat in the chemo chair, I set myself a goal of starting a podcast to explore resilience and the power of mindset. And so, When Life Gives You Lemons was Born, where I speak to high-performing individuals who have been through adversity that come back stronger. Come and join us on this journey of human resilience and discover how my guests are able to turn their lemons into lemonade.