The Life Of Bryony - The Life of YOU: "I've Been Given 15 Years to Live—And I Want Every Second to Count"

Episode Date: November 15, 2024

Welcome to The Life of YOU, where we tackle life’s toughest moments with honesty and humour. I’m joined by Abbey Feltham to answer some truly personal and challenging listener dilemmas. Follow Abi on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abi.feltham/?hl=en WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU Do you have a dilemma you need help with? Send it our way! 🗣️ Text or voice note us at 07796657512 (start your message with LOB) 💬 WhatsApp Shortcut: Click Here 📧 Or email us at [e-mail] SOME GREAT RESOURCES: Alcoholics Anonymous (AA): www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk Mind UK: www.mind.org.uk Macmillan Cancer Support: www.macmillan.org.uk Samaritans: www.samaritans.org Bryony xx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Seriously popular. Welcome to The Life of You, where we dig into your dilemmas and help you find solutions for life's tougher moments. I'm joined by the amazing Abby Feltam, who's back to help me tackle some of your questions. I've been given 15 years to live, and I want to spend that 15 years feeling as much joy as possible. The Life of You with my guest Abby Feltham right after this. As a Fizz member, you can look forward to free data, big savings on plans, and having your unused data roll over to the following month, every month.

At Fizz, you always get more for your money. Terms and conditions for our different programs and policies apply. Details at Fizz.ca. If you liked this episode, we think you'll love this. This week on The Life of Briny, I'm joined by the incredible Abby Feltham. She tells me about her addiction, the profound moment that led her to sobriety, and her recent cancer diagnosis. Curious about what it takes

to confront life's toughest challenges and emerge stronger? This one's for you. The Life of Briny, available now. We've got some practical questions about sobriety, which I like. So this is one from a guy called Tom and he says, I've been sober for six months after struggling with alcohol addiction, but my friends still don't take it seriously and often pressure me to drink. How do I make them understand it's a real problem for me without cutting them out of my life? I hear this quite often and the way that I dealt with this and this was right for me,

I was completely honest with my friends. When I stopped drinking, I told them why and I was very blunt with it and said, I'm stopping drinking because I'm really depressed. And also I'm an alcoholic. And if I don't stop drinking, I think bad things are going to happen. So with that information, they have been able to support me in the best way. So they now know that offering me a drink or pressurizing me to drink or saying, you can only hang out with us if you have a drink.

Is a dickhead move. Yeah, that's an awful thing to do. It's like saying, hey, drink this poison that's going to kill you to like your best friend. Like you shouldn't do that. I do think like when someone gets sober, it definitely holds a mirror up to other people as well. And they go, oh, you know, and I always remember being really uncomfortable around people that were sober because when I was still drinking, because it was like, I don't really want to know about this. And Tom says, how can I make them understand it's a real problem for me without cutting them out of my life? I think the truth is if you

are at a stage where you have to get sober and it is life and death, actually sometimes you do have to cut some people out of your life, you know, and it doesn't have to be that vicious and it doesn't have to be that, you know, I'm sorry I'm not ever talking to you again. But naturally when you get sober, you are sort of like your energy changes. And you know, the truth is, I'm sure that you feel the same as this, Abby, is that I don't want to go out with people who are drinking. It's my worst nightmare. Yeah.

I mean, I do go to the pub with my friends and they drink and I go to house parties sometimes when people get drunk. Really? Yeah, because I want to hang out with my friends. But I leave at like nine. I'm like, if you want to be my friend, you have to move in with me and come and sit on the sofa and watch Grey's Anatomy with me. Because I don't know about you, Abby, but when I go to like a dinner or something and I see people just have like one drink and

they're like, Oh, no, no, no more. I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah. What kind of sorcery is that? Yeah. Like what's wrong with you? And I'm reminded of why I'm not allowed to drink. Well, I think this is something for Tom really, like I think for his friends to understand that his decision to get sober is a personal decision. It doesn't mean that just because he's not drinking, it doesn't mean that he's anti alcohol and he's judging everyone else for drinking. Like maybe Tom doesn't want alcohol around him. I had a thing for a long time where I was like, maybe I'll get better at going out in the evening with friends. And I've come to accept now at the grand old age of 44 and

a half, like, no, that ship has sailed and I've done all my socializing, you know. Because it's quite a daunting thing to go out and be sober while everyone around you is pissed. Yeah, definitely. And also, you know, I think when I first started socializing as a sober person, I got into my mind that I'd still have to be out until 3am and I still have to talk to people who I didn't really care about. But I just have to do it sober. And then I realized, oh, actually, I can still go out, but I can just have a completely different

night. Like I can just talk to my friends and I can leave at 9pm. When they start repeating themselves. Yeah. That's your cue to get an Anubha. Yeah. I don't have to stay there all night and I'm in control of that. So it's like my nights look different. Yeah.

But I can control them and do what I want to do and that's spending time with people I love and then going home. Tom, my final thought is come and be friends with me and Abby. We'll show you a good time. We won't pressure you to drink and you can drink sparkling water with us. We'll just pressure you to watch a true crime documentary or an episode of Grose Anatomy. Question number two is from Eddie. Eddie says, I've recently been diagnosed with a serious illness and I'm overwhelmed with fear and anxiety about my future. How

did you cope, Abby, with your diagnosis and how can I stay positive when things feel hopeless? Well, it's important to acknowledge that serious illnesses and things like cancer, especially when they're terminal, it's terrifying. It's scary and it's uncertain and it makes you think about death all the time. It's almost like a clock starts ticking and that's the reality of it. So I think acknowledging that it is a scary thing, it's completely natural to feel that way and it's part of the human experience, you know. That's always helped me. It's okay to be scared and everyone's scared of death because that's the reality we're facing or immortality. Getting a serious diagnosis is like everyone's worst fear. Certainly

one of what I didn't think about dying before I got diagnosed and now I have to think about all the time. But coming to a place of acceptance really helped me. Do you think we need to get better about talking about death in this country? Definitely, absolutely. I do think we need to be more open about it. We don't talk about it because no one wants to think about dying, even though we're all going to do it. No one wants to think about dying. But you know, I talk and think about death a lot now and it has helped me think about the future. I've accepted that I'm going to die a lot younger than I thought I would. And I want to spend the rest of that time enjoying myself. Maybe that's,

you know, a little bit like self-absorbed. Like I just want to... Not at all. But you know, I am going to look after my loved ones. But I also with, I've been given 15 years to live. And I want to spend that 15 years feeling as much joy as possible, bringing as much joy into other people's life and not making myself miserable or being stuck in this loop about thinking like, am I going to die today? Will I die tomorrow? Because it's going to happen anyway.

I don't want to waste any time ruminating. But again, it's very important to acknowledge how difficult being faced with death is. I find hope in knowing that even if the rest of my life looks a lot different than I thought it would be, I can still enjoy it. I might not ever buy a house or I might not ever have children, which is a lot different to how I wanted my life to turn out. But even though it does look different, I can still enjoy that piece of life I have left. Still has huge worth and value. Yeah, yeah. And then so like I continue moving forward and appreciating each day,

because there is life after a terminal diagnosis. It's just different than what I had expected. If you liked this episode, we think you'll love this. This week on The Life of Briny, I'm joined by the incredible Abby Feltham. She tells me about her addiction, the profound moment that led her to sobriety, and her recent cancer diagnosis. Curious about what it takes to confront life's toughest challenges and emerge stronger? This one's for you. The Life of Briny, available now. ["The Life of Briny"]

One more? Okay, it's from Eileen. And she says, I've been in recovery from addiction, but I recently relapsed and feel really ashamed. How do I pick myself up after setbacks and stop being so hard on myself? I personally have never experienced relapse. Oh really?

Yeah. Oh, you just stopped and that was that? Yeah. Well Eileen. I'm a proper little psycho. Eileen, I've experienced many relapses. Not for seven years now, but I definitely like, this is not my first rodeo, as they say. And you know, the thing I've learned about relapses is that they're your story and everyone has a different story. And sometimes you have to go out and learn

a bit more and you are still worthy of recovery. And I also think I remember the last time I relapsed, I remember getting to day three and feeling absolutely so much shame and just so awful. I met up with someone, a woman who was in recovery and she had many, many years sobriety. I said to her, I just don't wanna have to do day three again. Like, I just can't do this again. And she said, well, you don't ever have to. You don't ever have to, just don't pick up a drink. And it was like this light bulb went on in my head

where I was like, oh, right, okay. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't have to put myself through this again, you know, and it was like a little subtle shift. And I think also that almost like competitive element, the validation element of looking and seeing the kind of days clock up, you know, which I still get a thrill out of now, like seven years later. And it's like, do whatever you have to do to keep not picking up a drink, like if it's an hour of time, it's an hour of whatever you have to do to keep not picking up a drink.

Like, if it's an hour at a time, it's an hour at a time. You know, people say a day at a time, it could be a minute, it could be a second at a time. And if you have a problem with alcohol, which it sounds like you do, your brain wants you to drink. Right? So it's not that unusual. Like, don't shame yourself. You know, alcoholics gonna alcohol, you know? alcohol. Don't shame yourself. Alcoholics going to alcohol. That's not to say go out and have another drink because I want you, Eileen, to know that you're worthy of not having to drink and that you can get through this. I want you to be safe as well, crucially.

Sobriety and recovery, it's not a destination. It's not like you start at alcoholism and you end in Zen. It's not a straight line. No, it's definitely not a straight line. You can go off course and just because you have gone off course, it doesn't mean that you can't rejoin that path. If you were driving from A to B and your car broke down halfway, you wouldn't just give up. Go like, or you got lost. Yeah. You'd get back in the car and you'd go from that point and then you'd carry on. And yeah, like I said, like sobriety isn't a

destination that you get to and then everything's happy and lovely. And you take it. Yeah, for the rest of your life. Like it's non-linear, it goes up and down. What's important is that when you're on that journey is that you look after your best interest, you look after yourself and if you slip up, you can always rejoin the road. Yeah, that's a really good point. And you don't lose what you've learned before, you know, like, this is hard. And I think the other thing to remember is though, but it's not as hard as the alternative. So keep going. If you slip up, just get back on that horse. Yeah, it's not game over. No. Right, my weekly recommendation. The reason I'm mentioning it now is because I put a story up on my Instagram the

other day wearing this thing and every time I do it people are like what the hell? People do it less now because they are more uh common but I first got one of these in 2019. I was well ahead of the curve and that is why I look so damn young. I'm actually 85. Did you know that? It is my LED mask. I have the one by the Light Salon, Boost by the Light Salon. I should declare here that it was gifted to me, but it was gifted to me five years ago and I love it.

It's incredible. And not just because I don't know if it actually makes my skin any better, but what I do know is that sitting under that LED light, looking like Jason from Halloween, I find it incredibly relaxing. Hit subscribe, tell a friend how amazing this podcast is, and I'll see you on Monday. If you liked this episode, we think you'll love this. This week on The Life of Briny, I'm joined by the incredible Abby Feltham.

She tells me about her addiction, the profound moment that led her to sobriety, and her recent cancer diagnosis. Curious about what it takes to confront life's toughest challenges and emerge stronger? This one's for you. The Life of Briny, available now.