The Life Of Bryony - The Life of You – Joanna Page on Tarot Revelations, Gareth Gates’ Unwelcome Gift, and What She Demands from Her Husband.

Episode Date: October 10, 2025

Joanna Page is back! And this time she’s sharing the three things she can’t live without (and trust me, her choices are nothing short of surprising and very, very relatable). We talk everything from idyllic beach life to what she really enjoys doing with her husband, and she also reveals the unwelcome gift she got from Gareth Gates one Christmas. If you’ve ever thought about letting go of all life’s pressures and joining us in a bra-free paradise, this is your official invitation. As always, don’t forget to follow, rate, and get in touch if you fancy joining our virtual caravan.If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it – it really helps! Bryony xxBOOKS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:Joanna’s new autobiography, Lush, is available to buy now.CREDITS:Host: Bryony GordonGuest: Joanna PageProducer: Laura Elwood-CraigAssistant Producer: Ceyda UzunStudio Manager: Sam ChisholmEditor: Luke ShelleyExec Producer: Mike Wooller  A Daily Mail production. Seriously Popular. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, lovelies, and welcome to the bonus edition of The Life of Briney, the Life of You. Today, Joanna Page is lifting the lid on her absolute essentials, the three things she simply couldn't imagine going without. I was basically screwed on both ends in sheer agony. And I put it down to Gareth Gates. Gareth Gates. We won't blame him for the hemorrhoids. We won't blame him for the hemorrhoids. So settle down, strap in, because by the end of the episode, you're going to want to run away to a a caravan with me and Joanna for a bra-free life of jigsaws.

Joanna Page, I want to know what are the three things that are crucial to you living unapologetically as your incredible self? Well, I know, right, this sounds really shallow, but, and I mean, my God, aside from all of that, everything that's in your life, my first ever thought was lip balm. I don't think that sounds like, but I genuinely right, I wouldn't be able to survive. If I was in a desert island, my lips get so chapped and it's the change in weather and it's like they genuinely get chapped that if I was in an island, I would have to search out like a sand snail or a sea snail or something and squeeze it to excrete some juice or something

from it that I could rub that on my lips. Because I wouldn't be able to bear. I wouldn't be able to express myself and be open and get everything out that I needed to because I'd literally be like that, right? But there is a part of me that absolutely loves the dryness of my lips. And I save it, right, sometimes.

Because they start getting dry and they start getting flaky. And especially on the bottom, I wait for them to sort of go into like ridges like that. And when they go into a ridge, I go like that with my teeth, and I start biting it and pulling it up, right, all of the dryness.

Yeah. And I pull it. then I have a right old go and then I like pulling it all the way around all of it, particularly on the bottom, until I make them bleed. And then once I've made them bleed, I continue going until it then gets painful. And then I start going, oh my God, oh my God, right. I need to do something about it now because it looks like I've just split my lip. And then I start putting all the lip balm on.

And then we go into like the circle again, get them dry again. And then also at the beginning of doing all of the stuff in my book, I ended up getting a huge big cold sore because I was so bloody tired and stressed. And I never, ever, ever had cold sores until I had, until the opening night of a panto in Wimbledon opposite Gareth Gates. And he was playing The Prince Charming and I was, you know, Cinderella. And it got to opening night. And he was obviously stressed and tied and he had a cold sore in his face and he put a plaster over it. And I remember going, oh my God, Gareth, I can't kiss you.

I'm going to get cold sores. And he was like, I put a plaster over. It's absolutely fine. And I said, no, I'm just going to like kiss you on the face or on the cheek. But the thing was, we were singing a song called Kiss the Girl. And it got to the end of the song, and we did the whole of the dance routine, and then professionalism took over, and I kissed Gareth Gareth, full on the lips.

And ever since then, every time I'm stressed, I get cold sores. They're Gareth's cold sores. Keep coming up. Wow. So you've got Gareth's cold sores. I've got Gareth's cold sores. And all the way, actually, as well, through my last pregnancy with Bow, I swear to God, there were about seven cold sores on the side of my face.

And then I had about, oh, my God, it felt like more. I would say it was about six massive big hemorrhoids on my... Sorry, I should have. Bum hole, right? So on both ends, I was basically screwed on both ends in sheer agony. And I put it down to Gareth Gates. Gareth Gates. We won't blame him for the hemorrhoids.

We won't blame him for the hemorrhoids. But yeah, what I really liked was I was in the middle of talking and it was really, really crusty. And I went like this. And I got it. And I got the crust and the crust came off and it went into my mouth and I ate it and swallowed it. And I got a lot of satisfaction from that. You're my favourite person I've ever met in the entire world. I'm going to ask you, which, what is your lip balm of choice?

Listies, and I don't think they do it anymore, because I go into the place, into the different shops. And it's very, very difficult to get that one, right? That's the best one. Who knew that we would learn so much about life from Lip balm? I know. And Garys Gates. I feel like there are people that would pay good money to get cold sores off Garth Gates.

They probably would. I could probably open my own only fans account. And every time I get a Garth Gates cold sore, If I documented that and took photographs of it, I'd probably make a couple of million. Yeah, that's it. That's the path to riches. I don't know how we're going to follow that one up, but what is the second thing that is crucial to your... Oh, my God, right.

I'd say it's all mixed up in nature and our caravan down by the seaside. And, oh, my God, it's just like the best time ever. You know, because you can pay to go to all these different holidays and go abroad and go and do all these things like for the kids or whatever. The time when we are at the best as a family and the kids love the most and I feel completely and utterly healed is when we go down to West Wittering. Me and James got a caravan in 2009, right? We went down to stay in a friend's mother-in-law's caravan. It's in a basic field with horses. You don't have a clubhouse or anything.

It's not swish, right? Is it a static caravan? Oh, yeah, full-on static caravan, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the long static caravan. And so we went to stay in a friend's mother-in-laws while we were on site, a space came up and we were like, oh my God, come on, let's get ourselves a caravan. Like we were getting, you know, like a flat in New York or something. We were like, come on, let's just do it.

So we got our caravan, and it's really small and it's really sweet, and we've had it since 2009. And it just looks out onto this massive big field. And then you see like little animals and all of the birds. And then in the distance, you'll see little deer and it's just amazing. And so me and James used to go down with Daisy, or Jack Russell, and sometimes, and you walk through the field, go down a dirt track, and you're right there on the beach. It's incredible. We'd go down with Daisy, and sometimes we wouldn't even leave the caravan to take her for a walk. I would sit in there, and I would do a jigsaw. I'd have my glass of sherry. James would be making me French martinis. Sometimes we talk. Sometimes we wouldn't. Or we just sit and read. Oh, my God, it was like this gorgeous little cave where you sort of just healed. And now we've got the same. caravan all these years later, but now we've got four kids, two Spaniels and me and James, right? In the, we've got like a, we've got a double bedroom, which doesn't have a double bed and it's tiny. And there was a bedroom with like two, these tiny, two little single beds. We've taken those

out and we've just put like three little single mattresses sort of in there. And the kids all just pile in there. And we go down and I take like a pair of jeans, I take a pair of short, I take a vest, no bra, no makeup, no hair dryer. And we go down and it's just, oh my God, I just feel like the world is amazing. Why can't we just live like this all the time? All my worries and my fears, all anxiety. It goes out the window, right? And we went down there at Easter time. And I had had a really, really bad twitching eye for over a month, right? And at first, I thought, it's a twitching eye, you know, it's going to go. You're tired. You're run down. You're tired. Oh, God, it'd be going on for so long. And it got to about eight weeks. And I went to the doctors and I said,

I'm really not, I'm worried now as a brain tumor, obviously, because it's not going. He said, you haven't got a brain tumour, you're just tired. And I said, it just feels so thick inside my eye. And he said, it's because it's twitching all the time. Your muscle is swollen. So he said, I can either give you Valium or I can give you beta blockers to forcibly, you know, like calm down your heart rate and all of that. And then that will just relax the muscle.

We'll give it time to just settle down. And then the muscle will, you know, end up not being so swollen. So I said, well, I don't want to go on Valium at all. I don't particularly want to go on beta blockers. I don't want to go on anything, you know, it freaks me out. And then he said, well, beta blockers are fine because he said it's a very, very, very low dose. So I went on like about 20 micrograms and I did that like three times a day. It was like a really, really, really small dose.

And then for that, it sort of relaxed and it went down. And then, but it still never, never, ever went. So I continued on those for a bit to try and force it. And it just still didn't go. At the same time, I went on HRT. So I was on my patch because I was not feeling myself and I was feeling, I was just feeling like this awful mood and this depression. and I just couldn't stop crying and I felt terrible.

So I was on the patch and I was on progesterone and I was on my thyroxin. Oh my God, right? I was on my thyroxin as well for an underactive thyroid. We went down the caravan and it was Easter time and there was so much going on. Get packing for four kids. I was sitting on the landing trying to get this big bag of medication together for myself. And I was just like, oh, this is just too much to cope with. Drove down the caravan, got there and packed everything.

I haven't brought any of my medication at all. So James said, right, I'm just going to drive straight back up and get it. And I said, fuck it. No, I'm no. You're not going back. I'm too tired. I'm not having the kids just on my own. I feel like even if it's just the afternoon. I said, stuff it. I'm coming off everything. I'm just going to stay down here and you're staying with me. After about three days, right? Oh my God, everything. The eye stopped. My depression and my aggression and my anger and feeling so upset that just went. And I went back to normal. Obviously, when I went back, right, I went straight on the thyroxin because you can't stop taking that. but everything else went.

Because of the cabin? The static caravan? Yes. So I think obviously, right, is being, you know, away from work and away from stress, anxiety, all of that business, right? It's being away from that.

But I swear to God, right, so I was down there and it's like, just this magical healing. I don't think there's any supernatural powers, but it's just this safe space where I don't have to think about being in the outside world. And when I'm there, right,

and I say to James every time, why can't we just move down here? And he's got some really boring, responsible. Well, the kids are now settled. That's literally what we're talking about constantly all the time. And so we can't at the moment, for whatever really responsible reason, go and move down to the caravan,

which I think is rubbish. But after being down there, everything went. And then I went back home, and I didn't go back on anything, so I'm not on HRT anymore. I mean, I think it's absolutely wonderful. And probably in another couple of years, I'll go back on it.

And I stopped the beta blocker, so I'm not on those, and I'm not on the HRT. everything is just like, and I've not had the eye twitch since. So you just need a bit of static caravan. You just need a static caravan and no bra. I'm there with you. I'll come and live with you on the beach in a static caravan with no bra.

It's wonderful. And also down there, right, there's this shop. And it's run by these two sisters, and one does all art. And she's very, you know, creative and everything. And the other one does your cards and Tara reading. And when I was down there last time, she said to me, she put the first card over, and it was the Empress. And she said, oh, my God, this is a huge fertility sign.

It's saying that there's going to be another baby. And then I was like, well, it's not going to be me because I literally have just had my tubes tied. So that's not happening anymore. And she turned around about three more cards. And they were all for fertility. And she said, no, it's definitely you. And there's going to be another baby.

And so I'm now putting that down to the fact that about, well, about a year later, we then got four guinea pigs. Because I came back then to James and I said, she's saying there's a new baby and it's going to be me. And he was like, oh, my God, I can't believe it. And then I said, well, I have done research into if you have your tubes. put back together, there's a one and two hundred chance we can have another one. He was just like, no, please no. Let's stick with the guinea pigs. Right, number three. Number three. Number three,

by the way, I am in that caravan with you. Oh, it's just wonderful, right? But number three is just, I was, um and an Ring between, actually, well, between three of them, right? And it was either, like, a foot massage or a back massage, but then I thought, no, that can go. And then, Then it was being in my environment in the house and when everything's all over the place, right, I don't even necessarily need to like clean and have everything tidy, but I'm a real furniture mover around it and I need to get my space like tidy. But then that was like, no, what I actually need is just a five minute proper conversation with James.

And then I feel like my soul has been healed and I can carry on, right? Because life is so manic in the house with everybody coming in, everybody talks at the same times. You've got four layers of children's voices. I'm now 48. So that, like, really, I can't take it like I could when I was younger. And so the noise jars me. And then I get, like, quite, oh my God, because everyone's asking for everything. James is always, like, really fast getting the bags or doing this or doing that. And so when I try and talk, he never looks at me because it's always like the side of his face or because he's doing something. And I'm a person that I, oh my God, if I'm going to talk right, I will sit down and I will give you everything, right?

He's also a Scorpio, and he's quite, this is, and that's like, you know, astrologist or whatever, but he's very, he's always on the go. He's always got something. There's always something, you know, but we've got to do the school bags. I've got to get the tea ready. I've got to, like last night, Bo was doing Play-Doh. Noah came and joined in and was also doing homework. Kit was making a frog. Eva was doing something else. And James was doing something. And then Kit was going, Daddy, daddy, daddy, I need this. And I said to James, just, just put. the stuff down, stop cleaning the work surface, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. There's all crumbs and everything. Will you just sit down next to me? Just look at me and for five minutes can we just have a conversation? It was like, I've got to do this. I was like it doesn't matter. None of it matters. Will you just sit down and talk to me? And so I force him to sit down and then we look at each other and then we'll talk about it could be anything random. Like, oh my God, traitors is starting in like a couple of days time or, oh, what was the gossip on the school run? Or, oh my God, have you seen that there's this new packet of crisps that out where it could

be anything but we have sat down and for like my god five or ten minutes we have looked at each other we've completely communicated and it's like okay right go on then you can go off now and then he'll go off i'll go off and then we'll continue to be like doing everything in the house until i feel like i'm completely dry and i've been sucked out inside and then we get on with like practicality because i think once the kids have got more of their own lives we'll be able to get back down to normal because we don't do date night there's no time we're too bloody tired if we were doing like every Thursday and it got to third and we're like right come on then we're down you know watching there's something in the cinema I know the pair of us would go can't be asked I'm too

flipping tired should we not do it and I know a point will come when we'll have our own time but right now we don't and we know that we've got to like sacrifice yeah and it's a wonderful sacrifice because our life is just different now and it's amazing and we're loving it with the kids but we do have to sacrifice that sitting down and having a drink or going for a date and we're too tired and we can't be bothered but I just need like just give me 10 minutes of eye contact and a proper talk and then I'm done right you can go that's i love that i love that joanna page thank you so much for giving us so much of your time uh i think i i feel i just feel a lot better about the world i want to go though i just want to be in a in your caravan in west wittering

with a jigsaw and then i will take you for a lovely walk down by the beach we'll take the dogs and we can just relax and breathe in the sea air, and it's beautiful. Who else is in? And we won't wear our bras. Crucial. If you fancy joining us in our bra-free caravan commune, please message me on Instagram or via the contact details in the show notes. Alternatively, if that doesn't appeal,

you could just leave us a review. and give us a follow. But most importantly, look after yourself and I'll see you on Monday.