The Life Of Bryony - The Life of You – Kate Lawler on Creative Reinventions and Surviving the Hard Days of Motherhood

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to the life of you. In this episode, we're inviting Kate Lawler back to answer your questions and try to make sense of life's messiest bits. Today, how do you reinvent yourself? And what happens when your identity changes as you become a parent? From creative reinventions to surviving the toughest seasons of motherhood, we're talking about finding support, trusting the process, why oversharing is key to helping yourself and others.

Starting point is 00:00:27 I was fortunate enough to have a partner who really recognized that I was unwell mentally and there was a few things that happened and he was like, I have to get her help. But the best thing you can do is talk to somebody, anybody. And once you tell somebody how you feel, it's only going to improve how you're feeling. And also, this too shall pass. Your questions answered right after this. This is from Jade. She says, I followed your career since Big Brother and always admired how you've reinvented yourself from reality TV and radio to now hosting your own podcast and writing. I want to start a podcast and even write a book too one day, but not sure what to focus on or what idea is essentially good enough. How did you reinvent yourself and decide what content to start putting out? Any advice would be appreciated. I tell you what, that is a good question, but it's also, it comes to you. It just comes to you. I remember saying to Bodge, I would love to do. do another podcast with you and for about a year and a half we were like debating on what

Starting point is 00:01:32 subject to do it on and then suddenly it just came to me i was like you're really good at cooking let's put your recipes out there and then we'll do like our week and what it was about but it just an idea an idea will come to you trust me like trust the process bod and kate have a lot on their plates so he cooks and then we talk about our week which is just our lives basically being parents and working and all the stuff that happens in between so um we share his recipes because he's a great cook. So it's food based and we talk about the recipe and why we're cooking it and stuff like that. But the recipe, but the idea will come to you, babes, because if you're just thinking, I don't know what to do, like, I debated for so long

Starting point is 00:02:10 on what I was going to do. And then, for example, like maybe baby just came to me out of the blue. I don't think I really gave it enough. I guess I did give it enough thought, but sometimes ideas do just come to you. And trust that. Yeah, trust that process. It will come to you. No, don't force it. Because everyone was like, well, now that you've got a baby, do a podcast about parenting. And I was like, I don't want to do a parenting podcast. No. So what, but also I think it's like when I write a book, it's like I always just write the book that I need to read. There you know. It's like, that's better advice, babe. Yeah. No, but it's, but it's good. It's like podcasts. I like want to make the podcast that I need to listen to that I think people

Starting point is 00:02:45 like me want to let, you know, yeah. One of the things that I need to know about and I need to talk about, you know. Okay, quick, quick last question, Liz. I've just had my first baby, and while I love her, I don't feel like myself anymore. I'm anxious all the time, I cry for no reason, and I sometimes feel numb when I know I should feel happy. I feel guilty even saying out loud, how did you know what you were going through was postnatal to depression, and what helped you begin to feel like yourself again? Oh, Liz, first of all, I'm sending you lots of love. It's completely normal to feel how you're feeling, and the best bit of advice I can give to you is talk.

Starting point is 00:03:26 to somebody, whether that be a family member or a friend or your GP, you really need to tell someone if you haven't already how you're feeling because you can get help and it's completely normal and you can either get therapy or you can get medication, you can do both, which is what I did. I was fortunate enough to have a partner who really recognised that I was unwell mentally and there was a few things that happened and he was like, I have to get her help. I really need to get help. We were filming a TV show at the time and the producers came around to film an episode and they were like, we can tell Kate's not right. We offer a duty of care, like we can offer a therapist. So I was lucky that I got a therapist for a couple of weeks. And then I started

Starting point is 00:04:02 paying for my own therapist and I got medication. But the best thing you can do is talk to somebody, anybody. And if you feel like you can't, you have no one, if you don't feel like there's a family member that would understand you or your partner, there is pandas out there. They're online. They literally are there 24-7. Just go on Instagram and look up pandas. You can talk to somebody literally online like a WhatsApp over Instagram if you feel like you also can't say those words out loud because that's what I struggled with saying out loud I feel depressed I don't feel like me I feel like I'm lost I don't know who I am anymore it would some for some people it's easier to write that down in an email or like a text so just talk because it's the best thing you

Starting point is 00:04:41 can do and once you tell somebody how you feel it's only going to improve how you're feeling and also this two shall pass you're not going to feel like this forever babes if I can come out of it you can, Liz. Love that. There is hope. And also read my book because basically I'm brutally honest in that book. Honestly, maybe baby on the mother's side. I am brutally honest in that.

Starting point is 00:05:04 And I talk about how I'm feeling at the time and how I've come out of it. And I hate promoting my own book. But like I still have people come up to me. Like I had a dad of like he said, he came up to me and just went, you saved my daughter. Your book saved my daughter. I have men approaching me saying, my wife read, your book and that actually really helped her when she was going through post-natal depression, women have come up to me and said it as well.

Starting point is 00:05:25 But when I get partners and parents tell me that it's helped their loved ones, I just feel so glad that I am a bit of an overshare, and I do open my mouth and say, but I just think that if you're talking, we have a duty to be honest and responsible, right? Sometimes I'm irresponsible, but we have a duty to be honest when we're going through stuff. Like, if I'd have just got a night nanny and gone a medication and, you know, had therapy, but not told anyone about it and then just been like, oh, isn't this? great. I'm not being honest about it. And anyone who has post-nail depression and watching me might feel shit about themselves. That's why I feel like people should say, I know that they don't

Starting point is 00:05:59 have to, but if they've got like a nanny, a full-time nanny, because I was once in that hole of post-natal depression, and I was watching someone who is well-known on TV and radio. And I was just, I message her. I was like, how do you do this? Like, I feel so crap at like, I'm trying to be a mum and do, like, have a job at the same time. She's like, full-time nanny, babe. And I was like, oh, well, that makes me feel better now. because now you've told me that you've got a full-time nanny who actually goes on holiday with you as well. What the fuck?

Starting point is 00:06:26 And I was like, but there's me going, I feel so inadequate and so awful as a parent and so guilty that I'm not smashing it like you are. But that makes me feel a bit better. That's why I was honest when I said I'm getting, when we got help after I was diagnosed with PND, we got a night nanny three days a week. And I was honest, I was like,

Starting point is 00:06:44 we've got help from a night nanny, three nights a week. She comes, she answers all of our questions. And it helps me sleep. I still get up in the middle of the night to pump and help. But people hate, they were like, oh, it's all right for some. And I was like, I'm trying to be honest so that anyone watching, if they see me improving, knows why I'm improving.

Starting point is 00:07:01 You have to be honest, even if you are going to get hate. I just, I would rather people know that I had therapy, I had medication, and I had that help for three nights a week. And then it went down to two nights a week and one until I was better. So you just got to be honest. Honest, honest, overshare. Overshare. Overshare. Just, yeah, not about everything, though.

Starting point is 00:07:17 don't overshare about no I won't say a huge thank you to her advice on being true to yourself and her honesty on motherhood and the challenges it can throw at us is exactly what makes these conversations matter if anything we talked about

Starting point is 00:07:39 struck a call with you please pass it on to someone else it helps us as a show more than you know most importantly though take care of yourself and I'll see you next time.

The Life Of Bryony - The Life of You – Kate Lawler on Creative Reinventions and Surviving the Hard Days of Motherhood

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