The Life Of Bryony - The Life of YOU: Losing Yourself in Motherhood? Here’s How to Find Yourself Again

Episode Date: June 20, 2025

Welcome to The Life of YOU—The bonus series where we answer your questions and try to make sense of life’s messier moments. This week, I’m joined by writer Sarah Hoover—author of The Motherload, a fearless, funny, and deeply honest look at motherhood, identity, and the expectations placed on women. Together, we answer your dilemmas on what happens when motherhood feels like too much—when you’re drowning in cartoons and laundry, missing your old self, and wondering why you don’t feel more grateful. WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU 🗣 Got a question or a story to share? Text or send a voice note on 07796657512—just start your message with LOB 💬 Use the WhatsApp shortcut: https://wa.me/447796657512?text=LOB 📧 Prefer email? Drop us a line at [e-mail] If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it—it really helps! Bryony xx CREDITS 🎙 Presenter: Bryony Gordon 🎙 Guest: Sarah Hoover 🎧 Content Producer: Jonathan O’Sullivan 🎥 Audio & Video Editor: Luke Shelley 📢 Executive Producer: Mike Wooller 🛠️ Studio Manager: Sam Chisholm A Daily Mail production. Seriously Popular. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode of The Life of Briny is sponsored by Asda, celebrating 60 years of great family value. That's Asda price. Well… No frills, delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC Optimum Points on your first five orders. Shop now at NoFriills.ca. If you liked this episode, we think you'll love this. I'm David Patrick Karakos, and on this week's episode of Apocalypse Now, I am in Tel Aviv

as Iranian rockets rain down on the city. Also in Tel Aviv is Meir Jevedanfar, Iranian-Israeli Middle East analyst who is going to tell me whether if pushed to the very edge Iran's mullahs might do something truly extreme and former US Army Major John Spencer who will explain to me just how this battle is breaking down militarily. Listen to Apocalypse Now wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to the Life of You, our bonus series where we answer your questions and try to make sense of life's messier bits. I'm joined again by the brilliant Sarah Hoover, author of The Motherlode. Today we're talking about losing yourself in motherhood and the unfair pressure to be grateful for it.

Like, happy parents are good parents. And it will behoove her children to see her having passion for something and not just being a mom, you know? Your question's answered right after this. So this is from Nadia. Okay. And she says, I used to have a big job, friends, freedom. And now I'm a stay at home mom drowning in laundry and cartoons. The cartoons are the worst. Are they not?

Oh, I don't know what it's like here, but we have this one called Blippi that I write about in my book. Sorry, what? Blippi. No, I don't know that. Oh, okay. I'm glad for you. I just, before we go into the next half of Nadya's question, because I definitely have missed, what I missed was like Bluey.

Yeah, we have, yeah, yeah. Bluey is like, and I had to go the other Christmas. I went to see bluey live. Live? Yeah. I mean, I'm in recovery. So I haven't taken drugs for a long time. You don't have to. It's the closest I've felt to taking drugs since I'd given it up. Wow. There was obviously the people with the blueys and the things, but then there was also like bubbles. It was mad. So, Nadya says, so she's drowning in laundry and cartoons and we've just made it worse by just going off of a tangent. Everyone says that motherhood is the most important job, but I feel erased. Why don't I feel grateful? And that is from Nadia.

Oh girl, I get it. I totally understand. Motherhood is a really important job. We all know this because we all have mothers. But I think it is totally normal. No one ever questions a man for having a multifaceted identity and for being able to indulge all parts of his identity and feeling erased as a woman and feeling like you're supposed to be appreciative of that, that's supposed to be natural for you to not have passions outside of the home that you own and that are a part of your identity is a totally unfair societal expectation. I hope that she can find a way to indulge in the things that bring her great

satisfaction and happiness and figure out a way to doge in the things that bring her great satisfaction and happiness and figure out a way to do both because it is so important. Happy parents are good parents and it will behoove her children to see her having passion for something and not just being a mom, you know? There's another thing which I will tell Nadia about as someone who's a bit further down the line, right? Right. Is that, it's like the grass is always greener. Totally. Now my daughter is 12. I'm like, I miss that time.

Yeah, you're like, you don't need me. Yeah. And it's like, oh, for fuck's sake, Briny, you know, like I couldn't wait to get out of it. And now I'm like, let's go back there. And it's like, just take a moment. What I've realized is everything is a phase. Everything is a phase. And it does end. And each phase, and you're like, oh, I've forgotten that phase. Totally.

And some of them are six months and some of them are three years. But they do end. It all ends eventually. It all ends. And you kind of have to cherish even the rough parts of it because you get it's still like it will it will be over sometime and you do look back on it and you're like that was really hard and I'm glad I complained you should be able to complain about it oh yeah complain about you know you can say it sucks

that's okay yeah but none of its permanent Yeah. But none of it's permanent. This is a paid advertisement from Asda. You know those weeknights where everything feels like a rush? Homework's finished, bath time chaos, kids running riot, and somehow you've still got to make dinner too. It's the classic parenting juggle. Well, this is where Joe Wicks and Asda come in as the heroes we didn't know we needed. Joe's teamed up with Asda to create quick, easy, budget-friendly meal ideas that are

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Because sometimes the biggest win of the day is getting the whole family fed and still having five minutes to yourself before bedtime negotiations begin. Whether you're feeding fussy toddlers or grumpy teenagers, Joe Wick's Meal Picks take the stress out of dinnertime. Search Joe Wick's meal picks at asda.com now to see what your lot will love. That's Asda Price. If you liked this episode, we think you'll love this. I'm David Patrick Harikos and on this week's episode of Apocalypse Now I am in Tel Aviv as Iranian rockets rain down on the city.

Also in Tel Aviv is Meir Jevedanfar, Iranian-Israeli Middle East analyst who is going to tell me whether, if pushed to the very edge, Iran's mullahs might do something truly extreme. And former US Army Major John Spencer, who will explain to me just how this battle is breaking down militarily. Listen to Apocalypse Now wherever you get your podcasts. Ellie says, I resent my husband more than I like him right now. Yes. He sleeps through the night feeds, he still gets to go to the gym, and when he changes one nappy or takes the baby for an hour people act like he deserves a medal.

Meanwhile, I'm doing 90% of everything meals naps emotional load and I feel completely invisible. We're meant to be good communicators. We've always talked about everything but this is driving a quiet wedge between us and I don't know how to bring it up without sounding bitter or starting a fight. How do I stop this building into real resentment? I mean, it sounds like it already has. You're already there. Yeah. I think they need couples therapy.

And I know that like costs money and takes time and is annoying and the first couples therapist that they meet, they're probably gonna hate and they're probably gonna have to like audition three of them to find someone who gets it because therapy is like any other relationship. It's not always the perfect fit. I got to a point with my husband where I gave him like a ultimatum and was like I can't do

this anymore. She's already doing 90% of the stuff so like she could be like, F it, I'm gonna do a hundred percent of the stuff, it's not that much more and then I don't have to deal with him. She could, but... Love that energy. Yeah. We don't have to keep things around that are slowing us down, okay? She's fully capable of doing this on her own. However, there are reasons that she chose to be in a partnership with him to begin with. I assume some of those are still there, and it is likely worth investigating in the care of a couple's therapist if they should stay together.

She should not tolerate that for the rest of time, though. That is not meant to be her life. That is not her calling. I mean, to take care of a grown-ass man is not her calling. I promise her that. You and your husband had to really come apart to come back together again, didn't you? Absolutely. Yeah. And I'm so glad it went down that way because not that our relationship is perfect at all, but we have reached a new level of honesty and of equity in our partnership because it completely broke down.

I put my foot down, I said, I am not doing this like this anymore. We have to reorganize things and it takes a lot of work and you both have to be willing to do a lot of work. And not everybody can do that. Not everybody has the time, the resources, the energy. It's really hard, I think, particularly for men to, like I don't think culture equips them

to admit culpability and to take accountability and be responsible. Like most of the men I know are babied by their mothers, their sisters, the women in their life. From day one, they're treated with kid gloves. And it's really hard all of a sudden, like in their 40s to have to get their shit together. But I got to a point where I was like,

well then I guess I don't need men in my life if they can't be the kind of men that have their shit together. But I got to a point where I was like, well then I guess I don't need men in my life if they can't be the kind of men that have their shit together because this sucks and I'm not happy, so why would I do it like this? I'm unwilling to be in a marriage where I have to do everything. Ellie.

Sorry girl, but it's time. I love this answer. I wish you could come every week. Don't tempt me with a good time. A big thank you to Sarah for sharing so much of herself and for meeting these questions with such honesty and heart. If anything we said resonated with you, please pass it on. It helps more than you know. Take care of yourself and I'll see you next time. I am in Tel Aviv as Iranian rockets rain down on the city. Also in Tel Aviv is Meir Javidanfar,

Iranian-Israeli Middle East analyst who is going to tell me whether, if pushed to the very edge, Iran's mullahs might do something truly extreme. And former US Army Major John Spencer, who will explain to me just how this battle is breaking down militarily. Listen to Apocalypse Now wherever you get your podcasts.