The Life Of Bryony - The Life of You – Lou Beckett on Coping with Parenting and Why Real Housewives Is Like Modern-Day Buddhism

Episode Date: February 13, 2026

Lou Beckett is back to talk about the three things she simply cannot live without. From accepting help without guilt to refusing to dismiss “just a coffee” with friends as frivolous, Lou shares the habits and mindsets that keep her vaguely upright while juggling kids, school admin and everyone else’s emotions. We chat about why asking for help is actually a life skill we need to model for our children, why social time is stress relief not indulgence, and how finding a comforting, low-stakes TV obsession can be its own form of meditation. If you’re an exhausted default parent, this one is for you.BOOKS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODELou’s Book, Lessons from a Default Parent: Surviving the Front Line of Family Life (Without Losing Your Sh*t), is available to buy from 12th February 2026.WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOUGot something to share? Message us on @lifeofbryonypod on Instagram.If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it – it really helps! Bryony xxCREDITS:Host: Bryony GordonGuest: Lou BeckettProducer: Laura Elwood-CraigAssistant Producer: Sam RhodesStudio Manager: Sam ChisholmEditor: Luke ShelleyExec Producer: Jamie East  A Daily Mail production. Seriously Popular. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, gorgeous people and welcome to the bonus episode of The Life of Briney. Today, Lou Beckett is lifting the lid on the things she leans on to stay sane and vaguely upright while juggling kids, school admin, emotional labour and that constant mental load of remembering absolutely everything for absolutely everyone, bit yourself. Meet your friends for coffee or lunch. Take those opportunities when you can and don't feel bad about them. dismiss them, don't invalidate them because they're important. You need to reset, do it. My chat with Lou coming up right after this.

Lou Beckett, welcome to the life of you. Hello. Three things that help you to thrive as a default parent. Can we start with what number one is? Accept any and all help and don't feel bad about it because if people are offering, they want to help. who let them. I used to feel really bad like I was really imposing on my mum. She was like, oh, I can take, you know, so and so while you go to the gym, or I can take them, you know, while you go to Sainsbury's.

And I was just to feel really bad like I was really imposing. I was actually, do it, take it. Well, they often like it, don't they? Yeah. They want to help the grandparents. That's it. My mum couldn't wait to get her hands on that baby and for me to go away so she could have the, like, my oldest to herself.

and yeah, just you need some time to reset and regroup. And so by whatever means necessary, take it. If someone is offering help, take it and don't feel bad about it. Yeah. I remember when my daughter was like two or three, my husband and I went on like a mini break. And I felt dreadful. I was like, we're leaving her alone. I mean, we weren't leaving her alone.

No, it wasn't just like being left in the house for three days. We left her with my mother. But I remember someone saying to me, kids need to know that you leave and you come back. Yeah. It's really good for them. And actually, if you've got someone that you can leave them with, and I know not everyone does, if you've got anyone that you can, whether that's friends or family, it's really good to get that in early because then babies, toddlers, they're quite chill about it.

Yeah. It also teaches them. It teaches children a valuable lesson, which is that it's okay to ask for help. Yeah, it's okay to ask for help. That help doesn't always need to be mum. It's, you know, we can spread the lows a little bit. If you can, it takes a village. So if you have a village, use them.

You took the words right out of my mouth. And I think that is important, actually, for when they get older and when they become teenagers and when they have their own issues, you have modelled that behaviour of, oh, I have a group and a network who I can rely on for different things. Exactly. And then you can be someone's village

when you've got more capacity, when your kids are a bit older or left home or whatever, be someone else's village at that point. But yeah, take help if someone's offering it, take it. Yeah. I like that. You're like, you say, you can be someone else's village. I'm like, I'm not there yet, but one day.

Right. What's number two? Number two is don't. I always felt quite, not bad, but like you know when you go meet your friends of coffee or lunch and all you've done is talk for three hours and then I'd come back and Rob go what have you done today and I was like oh I met Vicki and Lisa for a coffee and I always felt like it wasn't not worthwhile but I hadn't done anything that day and I found something when I was writing the book that they think women have lower stress levels

and we live longer because of it because we don't have a fight or flight response in the same way that men do we do tend and befriend. Tend and befriend. Tend and befriend. Or like, yeah, so we gather and we look after each other, both women and children. We tend to kind of group together, talk, look after each other, share the load. And it lowers our stress levels. Our endorphins rise, our stress levels lower.

And they think we actually live longer because of it. So it's not flippant and it's not a waste of time. If you've gone out and you've had a meet and mate for a coffee and you've had a little vent and you've had a little rage and you've validated each other's experience. That is a really, really worthwhile thing to do because you're going to come home feeling better. So don't feel like it's been a silly waste of an afternoon. Yeah, don't dismiss the way you spend your time, basically.

Yeah. I mean, can you do it all the time? Probably not. But if you're doing it and it's making you feel better, whatever is helping you fill your cup so you can pour from your cup, does that analogy? Yeah, kind of. You talk about how there's this kind of joky thing where the non-default parent will come home from their day in the office or the studio, whatever it happens to be, right?

And they'll be like, oh, what did you get up to today? And I'll be like, oh, I went for a coffee with my friend, you know, with the other mum friends. How nice. Oh, you've worked really hard. I can see why your day's been so tough. Actually, I'm living longer because of it. But it is, you know, it is that thing that like, And you're like, oh, yeah, but you're not, you're not being a lady who lunches.

No. It's essential to get out of the house when you've got little ones on you. Yeah. Or you're taking your leisure time in the pot window of opportunity that you've got because pre-nursary, post-nourary, preschool, whatever, that you're on and you're on all the rest of those hours. Or like, I, Rob used to come back up from number one day where my toddler had had an absolute meltdown on the train. A man had asked her to be quiet. And I was like, I'm sorry.

and then I cried and then she tried to basically touch all the art in the tape modern. I'd gone with my mum, we were trying to like, give her a lovely day out, let's take her to London. How old was she? Oh, about 18 months. We should have just stayed at home and watched Pepper Pig.

No, she didn't care at all. But when Rob came home and he said, what did you do on? Oh, I went with mum, we went to the tape modern, we ate lunch at Leon and then we came home. And I'd had one of the worst days I'd had because it was, it was, so she was 18 months, and my eldest would have been like just under four. So it had been a really chaotic hard work day.

A man had made me cry on the train because she was having a tantrum and she wanted to open the doors but we were mid-stop. I was like, if I could give it to you, I would but I can't. So I'm having to do my, ignore the tantrum. I'd like Joe Frost, this behaviour is unacceptable. You just sit in time out now. And so I'd cried, she'd cried, everyone had cried. And he came back and went, oh God, I wish I'd done that today.

I've worked really hard. And I was like, I've worked really hard. You've got to speak to grown nuts. no one's weed on you. What is it you've been doing today? Yeah, like, sorry, sorry, what's your day like? So I think don't, yeah, take those opportunities when you can and don't feel bad about them. Don't dismiss them.

Don't invalidate them because they're important. You need to reset. And if you need to do that with your mates over a wine or a coffee or a rant, do it. Well, I just think, like, whether you're a parent or not, just not dismissing social time and leisure time, it's so important. Yeah. recovery, all of that stuff, we cannot fall from an empty car. Yeah. And I think the default, especially as a mum, is to go, no, no, I should be doing something,

I should be working, I should be looking after them, I should be arranging something, I could be cleaning something, I could be sorting something, I could be giving yourself permission to take little, and I'm not saying, like, I mean, if you can do it, lovely, I'm not saying book yourself a week-long trip broad. If you can, great, go through it. But just go for a coffee and don't feel bad about that. little bit of time that you're taking yourself. Yeah, to just and reset. Yeah. We in, just from a completely different perspective,

in, as a sober person, in recovery, in AA, there's this thing called the Just for Today card, and it's kind of a guidance on what you should do, you know, when you're trying to get sober. Yeah. And one of the things it absolutely recommends is a quiet half an hour to yourself. So it's like, and it's really that really that. recuperation, that resetting, that stillness is absolutely highly recommended on a sort of psychological level. So don't. That's really interesting. Don't knock it.

Yeah. I guess when you're overstimulated or overwhelmed, for whatever reason, I guess that might be quite similar when it's all feeling like it's, the water is about to breach the barrier, go, yeah. We all need it. I mean, that's what meditation is essentially, it's being still, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, I'm not suggesting.

for one moment if you are a default parent and if you do have toddlers or newborns that you go and spend try and find half an hour in your day to meditate. A lovely Buddhist chant for you. I love you do. For Buddhist chants, go back to the main episode. Right. So what is your third thing? Is it Buddhism?

No, it's real housewives. Real housewives. The Buddhas of our time. I know. The modern day Shakespeare. Which is your favourite? You have a favourite or? Was that like...

Oh, it's like picking your favourite child. I mean, I think I could probably pick a favourite franchise. Currently, so I came to them quite late. So I feel like I've missed a lot of the big cultural touchstones of the various Housewives franchises. So I go right back to the beginning and I have them on like the radio. So I'm currently towards the later seasons of New York. Right.

So is that like Luan? Luan, Durinda. Yeah. Yeah. like all of them. I think if you can pick a program, ideally something where there's loads of them, like Real Housewives.

I mean, I'll watch anything on Hey You, Bravo, like all of the things. Pick something with loads and loads of series or spin-offs or franchises and have it on like the radio because it's very comforting. And also when you're very, very tired or you're pulled in lots of different directions,

I need something to reset and zone out too, but I'm not very good at, I know we've just spoken about meditating stuff, I'm not very good at being very silent and still, but I almost use that as my, like, off time. I'm entertained, but I'm not challenged. So actually, real housewives is like meditation. For me, it is that kind of drunken screaming at each other,

I find very soothing. Rob doesn't understand it. He's like, all they do is shout. I'm like, I know, but it's odd. soothing to me, the shouting. Is it like, you know, people with ADHD feeling very like calm in chaos? Yes, it's a bit like that. And I think that whatever stage you're parenting you're at, if you're right at the beginning

and you've got babies, there's so much time where you want, not necessarily something on, but I didn't have the headspace to kind of be reading a book or keeping up with the book. I couldn't remember one page to the next when they were little. I just needed things to watch. And so something where there's a huge back catalogue of and you can stick it on at any time of the day or night, three in the morning, your little six friends from New York in the 2000.

Derinda is always there for you. Derinda will always be there and she'll make it nice. I did watch a lot of Beverly Hills, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Yeah, I do like that one as well. Yeah. And in fact, it is the gift that keeps on giving because recently started watching Ladies of London. Is that the London one?

They've done Real Housewives of London and now Bravo's doing Ladies of London, but they're all going to be on Hey You slash Bravo. Well, anyway. There's been franchise stream crossing somewhere. My daughter and I have been watching the London one quite recently and enjoying that. But also, she's like, she's a bit perhaps like Rob,

like why don't they stop shouting at each other? There'd be no television show. Yeah, there'd be no telly shows. But yeah, I highly recommend, especially if you're right at the beginning of parenting, but at any stage, finding something which is a nice little safe space, which keeps you entertained but not challenged

because you don't need your brain to do more when you've had a busy day, but just something that's always there for you. So if you can't leave the house to meet your friend for a coffee, you can put on. Make friends with a real house. It's with the real housewives. Do you ever do it?

No, I don't want to see how the sausage gets made. I like it too much. Because that was my only thing with the real housewives of London. I was like, no one walks around Paddington like that. Yeah, it does. It is. No one. You can like.

I can suspend the. Yeah. In Miami and Beverly Hills. Yeah. Like, I'm sure they do dress like that in Miami. And that's exactly where they go and what they do. But I was here, I'm like, well, it's very rainy and cold. And you all seem to be.

Yeah. I know where that is. and that's, it's not very nice. So, I mean, I will watch all of them, obviously, because I'm not silly. I will watch all of them, but no, I don't want to see behind the curtain. Also, they live in like these, one of them lives in this, like, really quite compact house in Chelsea.

Yeah. And I just watch it and I think with all of that money that it has taken to buy that compact house in Chelsea, why don't you go for a much bigger house in Clapham? Yeah, or, you know, go off a tube line and go, yeah, but they, um. Or Plumstead or any, anywhere. Do you know what you can get in Woolwich for the price of a Chelsea townhouse? And you're like, it's ruined. It's ruined.

We're going back to Miami. Yeah. Oh, Lou Beckett, thank you. I'm going to immediately go home and put on the Real Housewives. I recommend it. Okay, guys, I really need to know what's your favourite Real Housewives franchise? message me on Instagram at at Life of Briny Pod and we can get into it. Or you could just leave us a review and give us a follow.

It makes such a difference and helps more exhausted default parents find the show. Most importantly, look after yourself. Be as kind to you as you are to everyone else and I'll see you on Monday.