The Life Of Bryony - The Life of YOU: "My Boyfriend Wants Me to Shave His Chest… Now I’m Freaking Out!"

Starting point is 00:00:00 Seriously popular. is back to help tackle some of your troubles. Lottie's new book, Lucky Girl, is out now. And if you missed our chat on Monday, do not worry. It's just sitting there in your podcast app, waiting for you to hit play. Today, Rachel's navigating a very close shave with her handsome boyfriend. Anna's trying to figure out the best way to remember her mum. And Jess is experiencing some teething issues when it comes to parenting. All of your problems solved right after this. So hi, Bryony and Lottie. I've been living in London for about a year now, having moved down from the north of England for a job in marketing at a big PR firm.

Starting point is 00:01:09 The clients are posh. Amazing. Double-barrelled surnames, navy blue gilets, and those frankly tacky gold pinky rings. Can I just say, before I go on with this email, my husband has one of those. Yeah, I like them. I actually do like them.

Starting point is 00:01:26 Yeah. Well, one of my client lunches has extended to a three month relationship. He's very much a southerner. Right. Do you relate to this? Yeah. I've discovered he fake tans. He's fastidious about his diet. He's in the gym constantly. And I even shave his chest for him. I'm not sure about this right every guy I've dated before him has been the complete opposite think Liam and Noel Gallagher vibes body hair beer bellies and burping so to say this is new for me is an understatement he's never bought it up but suddenly I'm feeling a bit self-conscious about my own upkeep right and I don't know how to stop worrying before it becomes a thing in my head how do I deal with this before I start overthinking it sounds like she's already

Starting point is 00:02:08 already there I think I'm not used to dating a pretty boy and honestly I'm not sure if I can handle it any advice on how to stop feeling like I need to match his level of perfection thanks very much Rachel right well I think firstly it all depends if he's making her feel like she needs to match that. Because if he is, then that's an issue. Because you've got to accept people for, you know, how they are. Otherwise, that's not going to work. So it depends if it's coming from a place of insecurity of hers where she's thinking, oh, he does all this, I need to do this.

Starting point is 00:02:40 Yeah. Or if he's making her feel like that. Is it his issue or her yeah and if it's just her insecurity she just needs to she needs to be confident in in who she is whatever upkeep she does that's what she wants to do and that's fine i love that upkeep upkeep and my upkeep is what is your upkeep well it's actually it's got less it used to be and this is a whole other aspect of the book that we haven't even gone to you've got yeah i'm not even gonna go there it used to be wild but also when you're pregnant you have to dial it back a bit don't you well you stop caring i definitely don't care about upkeep i have a

Starting point is 00:03:16 motto which is love me love my bush i love that love it and if my other half asked me to shave his chest for him, I would... Politely decline. I would politely decline also because I would be like, let's just take you to a... Would you get the ick? I don't have a problem with chest hair either. But also, why can't you shave your own chest? Well, also... I understand if it was the back.

Starting point is 00:03:41 Oh. Why can't he just do his own chest? I also... Maybe it's a sexual thing. Oh, God, surely not. People have weirder peccadillos than that, Lorsi. Oh, God. And we are happy to hear from you on the Life of Briny if you want to email in with, you know, any queries about your...

Starting point is 00:03:58 Chest vestiges. Lifeofbriny at mailonline.co.uk. Tell you what, if I was going out with someone who was like really funny about body hair, well, for a start, I don't think we would be going out because I am like, I really do have this thing about, especially about like bikini lines. Yeah. Where I think it's a bit weird when men like want it all clean and like all, I'm getting into territory I just didn't think i was going to get into when i woke up this morning but i'm a bit like i think a really

Starting point is 00:04:33 good marker of love is the willingness for a man to go there regardless of what's going on down there. Yeah, agreed. Agreed. I think the problem with this situation is she probably needs to question if they're compatible because it sounds like she is actually not okay with his upkeep in some ways. Oh, God. You're good at this, Lorsie.

Starting point is 00:04:59 I'm flicking it on its head. Maybe she is uncomfortable with the amount of upkeep. Or the best thing to do is forget about the upkeep altogether try and put that to one side and just see if it goes anywhere naturally yeah because that shouldn't really matter if you're in love if it's meant to be the upkeep won't be an issue this is what i think about i think that quite minor really yes if something's giving you the ick three months in it's's probably not meant to be, is it? Yeah, because I remember, I mean, I'm much, much older than you, Lossie,

Starting point is 00:05:28 but I remember having a boyfriend who I remember thinking, God, I really like this man. I really like him because I'm watching him dance like my dad. And I think it's adorable. And I knew that, like, if it had been anyone else, I would have... Been horrified. I would have been horrified. But I was just like, look how cool he is.

Starting point is 00:05:48 He doesn't give a shit. And I was like, uh-oh, I'm in deep. You're in love. Yeah. Yeah. He dumped me two months later. Oh, dear. Wasn't meant to be.

Starting point is 00:05:57 Right. Lottie, give Rachel your advice. My advice is give it another month or two. If you're still having these kind of icks and questions, ditch. Sorry to be brutal, but let's not waste time. Hey, Bryony and Lottie. My mum passed away six months ago, and I really want to keep her memory alive

Starting point is 00:06:17 without being constantly overwhelmed by sadness. Do you have any advice on how to remember someone in a way that doesn't stop you from living your life and that's from anna that's a good question and i'm sorry about your loss um i think a good one we did a campaign with sue rider and it was about the senses and it was just about staying connected to your loved one for your senses so we had to think of a touch smell taste so taste i did like a dairy milk chocolate bar because she was just obsessed with chocolate.

Starting point is 00:06:48 Something as simple as popping to the shop, getting their favourite chocolate bar, just makes you feel connected. And it's a less intense way of having to sit there if you're not feeling up to talking about it in detail. Little things like that might be nice. But also I think that it's really interesting because anna obviously says this that you know it's she talks about being overwhelmed by sadness

Starting point is 00:07:10 and something occurred to me while you were just talking about the dairy milks and not being overwhelmed and those moments where you just can't stop and we kind of talk to people about you know just allow it just like go with it just like feel the feel the pain you know and that's how to get through it but anna raises a really good point actually that's just not yeah easy yes it's not the hardest thing not practical sometimes and it's just impossible sometimes i think like i said with my grief process with my mom that's the perfect example of I couldn't face it you know and that's why it was it was kind of getting to that point but if I'd have had little kind of things like that like I've learned through Sue Ryder I think that would have been quite helpful

Starting point is 00:07:55 I think it's a nice it's a really gentle way of trying to stay connected yeah yeah and also just don't beat yourself up for not grieving in the right way. Yeah. There's no right way. No. And two people's grief journey will never be the same. Yeah. Everyone is so unique. Hi, Bryony and Lottie. I'm a first time mum and loving it so far, mostly. But now that my little

Starting point is 00:08:27 girl is six months old, I'm suddenly obsessing over baby milestones. Is she sitting up enough? Is she babbling the way she should? How much should I worry? She shouldn't be sitting up at six months, should she? No. Don't worry about that one just yet, Jess. How much should I worry about her hitting all the right marks? Honestly, I'm a young mum and none of my friends have kids so I have nothing to compare to I think I might be obsessing a bit do you have any advice on how to calm down and enjoy the baby stage without feeling like I need to track every single little thing I just want to make sure I'm doing enough without driving myself mad in the process and that is from Jess oh I think that's such a relatable question I think all us

Starting point is 00:09:05 moms have had that thought at least in one area of you know your child's life and i read something when i was kind of in the early stages of motherhood and it said something like they will all do it eventually and it was like they will all sleep through eventually they will all wean eventually we're so keen to rush it and I was definitely guilty like at five months I started trying to wean him I wanted him to eat stuff you know and looking back I was like he probably wasn't ready just I wish I'd held on to that a bit more also I remember when my daughter was was about that age and I remember having this massive panic on yeah moving him moving him moving on moving her from puree to solid. And I remember someone turning around to me and going,

Starting point is 00:09:50 Briony, have you ever gone out for dinner with friends and someone's turned up and said, like a 40-year-old man's turned up and said, I'd like a pouch of Ella's kitchen. Pioro, please. Parsnips, parsnips, parsnips. Isn't that the perfect example? It's true. They will all get there eventually. Yeah. please Isn't that the perfect example It's true

Starting point is 00:10:05 They will all get there eventually and don't rush it and also if you think about it every child is going to hit those milestones at a different time it's always going to be different from child to child and I don't think it ever goes I really don't think it goes

Starting point is 00:10:22 No it doesn't I'm certainly getting to the stage now my daughter is now 11 and she's just gone to secondary school and I am starting to see that thing of like oh I wish I hadn't rushed her through that particular stage because now she's at that stage where she's sort of starting to she obviously and as she rightly should she doesn't want to be anywhere near me she finds me absolutely mortified I'm terrified about that and i'm missing that i'm like oh i wish i hadn't hurried her into you know like those cuddles and those all of those things he's a hard one because i even stuff like

Starting point is 00:10:54 sleeping through we had such issues with his sleep like he got to 15 months he was still in our bed he was up multiple times in the night we're still still giving him milk. So we got a sleep trainer in purely because we were just beside ourselves with the lack of sleep. But now I'm like, oh, did he just need us? And, you know, did we rush that? I read something about co-sleeping the other day, which is that it isn't actually inherently unhealthy. Like, obviously, when they're babies, there are obviously considerations.

Starting point is 00:11:22 There's risks. But also think about cop death and stuff. There's risks to every... There are risks considerations. There's risks, but also think about cop death and stuff. There's risks to every... There are risks to everything, but as they get older... So I was reading about mums who have older children who can't sleep alone still. And I read this really interesting piece about how we've sort of pathologised co-sleeping at an early age. Like, oh, my son or my daughter won't stay in her room and needs to climb into bed with us and how actually in olden days i sound like you know obviously we all shared

Starting point is 00:11:53 rooms we all shared beds it was very it was a very natural thing isn't it yeah and we we've sort of turned it into a negative negative thing when there isn't actually any evidence that it is bad for children's... Like development or anything. Development or psyche. And, I mean, obviously, if your child is 21 and still sleeping with you... Maybe it's time to sort that, yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:17 So baby milestones, they go on and on. It doesn't... I imagine... And it doesn't end. I'm having it with potty training at the minute i'm feeling pressured uh like he's hit two and oh my friends mine was done by two mine was out and bloody blah i was thinking oh my god so i better do it month after his second birthday started day five we've not had one wee or poo on the potty and obviously he goes to nursery twice a week and they were saying to me

Starting point is 00:12:45 like he's not ready he's not ready i've had to put the nappies back on yeah but because he's not ready he's not ready but you feel pressure it is funny isn't it like i completely relate to what she's saying those websites it's like by this age they should be able to do this and i think it's often pressure from other people around you and not even like intentionally. Like even if you're just asking people and they're saying, oh, by two, mine was out and clean and dry. By two, mine had a degree from Cambridge. Yeah. And then you think, oh, my God, I'm doing it wrong then. I need to sort this. If you're worrying about the baby milestones, the chances are you're not going to be the person sending your child to primary school in a nappy yeah exactly i think unless it's getting

Starting point is 00:13:25 to a point that you know medically it's a problem and you want to get it checked by a professional if it's something like you know weaning or nappies and it's not harming them just don't put too much pressure on it i remember which is easier said than done i remember lottie when my daughter my daughter had like learned to like i'd like she learned to swim really and really young she also crawled when she was like five and a half months old which was which was slightly annoying because it was like oh and everyone was like oh she's so advanced and i was like yes she's so advanced and i genuinely like already at the age of five months i was i was like putting all these expectations on her

Starting point is 00:14:06 of winning an Olympic gold medal for crawling. They literally kick a ball and you think they're going to be the next Ronaldo. I was like, as a parent, that's naturally what you do. I think as well, what you've got to remember is, like, even if they're advanced in one area, there's going to be other areas that it's going to be slower in. They're not going to be late with everything, they're not going to be late with everything.

Starting point is 00:14:26 They're not going to be early with everything. Lucky he didn't get a tooth until he was 15 months. And everyone was going, my child's got a full set of teeth and all this. I was thinking, I literally was Googling, has there ever been a case where someone's never got any teeth? I was like, oh my God, he's going to be like the first person in history to not get a tooth. What's my job? He's literally like fully walking, doing everything and he's just got gums can you imagine and his first tooth was

Starting point is 00:14:49 a molar it's bringing it all back to me i am having slight i have to say not just because this studio is exceptionally hot i'm having slight sort of like remembering those the pressure also like i would say this to jess and i don't know if you agree with this is that like often the pressure we put on our babies to hit the milestones is actually just another way of putting pressure on ourselves agreed and it's all about that isn't it guys we have just completed episode eight, no less, of The Life of Briony. This is exciting stuff. Thank you for coming with me all the way to episode eight. I've got some great news.

Starting point is 00:15:34 There's going to be episode nine. And actually this one, not that the others haven't been special, but this one is particularly dear to my heart because on Monday, I'm joined by the wonderful actress Kimberley Nixon. And we are going to be chatting about obsessive compulsive disorder and intrusive thoughts. Hit subscribe. Tell a friend how amazing this podcast is. And I will see you on Monday.

The Life Of Bryony - The Life of YOU: "My Boyfriend Wants Me to Shave His Chest… Now I’m Freaking Out!"

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.