The Life Of Bryony - The Life of You – Sarah Vaughan on Motherhood, Trauma, and Truth in Fiction

Episode Date: August 15, 2025

In this episode, bestselling author and journalist Sarah Vaughan, is back to answer some listener dilemmas. Here Sarah gets candid about writing fiction inspired by personal experience, especially when it involves the darker and more challenging moments of life. We discuss the fear so many feel when telling their own story – whether it’s in fiction or memoir – and why sharing these truths can be both liberating and daunting. If you’ve ever struggled with self-doubt, guilt, or the fear of how others might judge your truth, Sarah’s insight and encouragement will make you feel empowered – and remind you that your story matters.   LINKS TO SUPPORT GROUPS If the content around maternal mental health and perinatal OCD resonated with you today and you would like support, please consider the following charities: Maternal OCD: https://maternalocd.org/ Maternal Mental Health Alliance: https://maternalmentalhealthalliance.org/   BOOKS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE 📚 Little Disasters by Sarah Vaughan Sarah’s novel referenced in our conversation is Little Disasters: a gripping novel exploring motherhood, judgment, and the silent struggles many women face. It’s available in all good book shops, and the screen adaptation is currently on Paramount+.   WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU 🗣️ Got something to share? Text or send a voice note on 07796657512—just start your message with LOB. 💬 Use the WhatsApp shortcut: https://wa.me/447796657512?text=LOB 📧 Prefer email? Drop me a line at [e-mail]   If you enjoyed this episode, share it with someone who might find Sarah’s insights helpful – it really makes a difference! Bryony xx    Credits:  Host: Bryony Gordon Guest: Sarah Vaughan Producer: Laura Elwood-Craig & Jonathan O’Sullivan Assistant Producer: Ceyda Uzun Studio Manager: Sam Chisholm Editor: Luke Shelley Exec Producer: Mike Wooller  A Daily Mail production. Seriously Popular. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode of The Life of Brianie is sponsored by George at ASDA. Bring it on with George School Uniform. Shop now in store or at george.com. Welcome to The Life of You. Here's Sarah Vaughn answers some of your thoughtful listener questions and offers up even more candid advice on managing maternal mental health. I remember us leaving hospital with our first born and a baby carry. I'm putting her down in our house and just being slightly terrified, looking at her, like, you know, what do we do now?

Sarah's words of wisdom coming up after this. The first question is from someone anonymous, Sarah, and they say, I don't know if I'm allowed to write this. I want to write fiction based on some of the darkest things I went through in my 20s, including alcohol dependence and sexual assault. but part of me is scared that people will say I'm just exploiting my trauma for attention or trying to profit from pain. I know the story is mine to tell but I can't shake the guilt of fear

or fear of how it might look. Is there a way to write personal truth without feeling like you're exploiting your own past? I think that's fiction, isn't it? I mean, I think I've kind of demonstrated that. Yeah, but also I think this is... It's not writing memoir. Interesting.

But also it would be okay to write memoir. Do you know what I mean? Like I think there is that notion, isn't it? as women as well, that we, oh, we, like, shouldn't say that. Oh, it's confessional. But it's like, that's okay. Like, why shouldn't we talk about these things? Yeah, I think you'd also want to think, though, is there a market for,

or they used to call misery lit, isn't it? You know, it's, I mean, I think the market has probably changed a little bit in the wake of the pandemic and the cost of living crisis and things that people are wanting more sort of uplity books or more cheerful books. But that's not to negate. writing your story that's your story there's no there's no shame in it you know that you're allowed to do it i mean you've you've built a really good career on it haven't you yeah but i also think i've just

written my first fiction book and in a way i feel like i could be more honest in fiction yeah because that's really interesting because um because you can perhaps more honest about other people in your life do you know in a way that i got you know in memoir you could be really honest about yourself but because you can sort of be very truthful with fictional characters. Yeah. Go for it. I think you, I think it's, yeah, it's it's a, and I don't think, and I think also that thing of worrying that people might think you're being exploitative of your past or profiting from your pain is a sort of, is perhaps it's a sort of,

that negative voice is perhaps a sort of imposter syndrome coming in. Yeah, I'm guessing anonymous as female probably. yeah I think that's a way of stopping yourself from doing it yeah yeah go for it like get get out there like don't you know like there's a million reasons not to write a book just as a million reasons not to have a kid but you're just like if it's there in your mind yeah just get on with it getting ready for the new school year georgia azda has you sorted with uniform that's made to last we're talking reinforced knees on trousers stain release polos and scuff resistant shoes, all designed to handle whatever the school

day throws at them. And the prices? Two polos from just three pounds. Two pack trousers from just seven pounds and shoes from only 10 pounds. Everything comes with George's 100 day guarantee so you can shop with confidence. Pick up everything in store or order online at george.com with free click and collect. Bring it on with George school uniform. In store and online at george.com. Available at selected as the stores and george.com. Delivery charges may apply subject to availability. So next question's from Chloe. She says since becoming a mum, everything I do feels wrong. If I shout, I'm a monster. Oh, this is relatable. If I stay. calm, I'm a pushover. I've never struggled with self-loathing like this before. My own mum wasn't

really cut out for parenting. She was quick to anger and I often felt neglected like I had to raise myself. I swore I do things differently, but now I see that same quick temper in myself and it terrifies me. I think it's because I care so much, but that only makes the shame worse. Why does motherhood stir up so much self-judgment and how do I stop repeating a cycle I so badly want to break. Oh, crack. You don't think that's a fiction question. I think that's a therapy question, isn't it? I think there's a whole session in that. Yeah. I'm not sure I really feel qualified. Qualified to answer that. But the judgment that we put on ourselves is... I think that's what little disasters is all about, really, about motherhood and judgment and how I try to

explore how, as soon as you make a decision in your parenting, you're implicitly judging other women by, to validate yourself, you know, whether it's breastfeeding or bodyfeeding or routine, or or bedtime. I think it shocked me so much when I left hospital. I remember us leaving hospital with our firstborn and a baby carry. I'm putting her down in our house and just like being slightly terrified, looking at her like, you know, what do we do now? And so I think there is, it's terrifying, isn't it? There is a lot of judgment that we make about. So I think be kind to yourself. Yeah. There's a line in the book that says, they say you should walk away from a screaming baby. She'd obviously always, you know, if you feel you're really going to lose it,

you need to go and take some breaths and be the adult and calm down. But I think you will shout at some point, which isn't a nice thing to think. But I think we're all fallible. And I think part of the difficulty with being perfectionist is that it sounds like this reader might be as well, is that we're much harder on ourselves, obviously, about all these things. I think she shows a lot of self-knowledge, actually. She's aware that she's quick to anger. She's aware she doesn't want to...

I'd say have some therapy if she can afford it. Yeah, I think if you can. And also, I would say that... Go to her GP. Just by acknowledging that there is a cycle in your family, you are beginning to break it. Yeah, exactly. Absolutely.

I think there's so much... It's like awareness of, you know, maternal and mental health. You know, there's so much more awareness of... You know, you only have to go on Instagram to... You can kind of have a little therapy. be sessions, can't you just primarily? Yeah. Sometimes not good, but, you know, but there's a lot of resources out there.

And also just to be, have a bit of empathy for your mum because she was parenting you at time when there was nothing, like in terms of mental health awareness. And I always think this is something that someone once said to me is that your, the judgment you have on your own mother is the same level of judgment you're going to have on yourself. So, like, the more empathy you can have for someone, the more empathy you can have for yourself. The kindness for yourself. Yeah, it's interesting. Actually, the book of Little Disasters had a storyline in the 80s where the mother doesn't have any support at all.

And we stripped it out because there were far too many timelines in the show already. But the point of that was to show that actually things have progressed. On which note, I would add that provision for maternal mental health is much better than when I had my son 17 years ago. So it's really improved since then. Hopefully it'll continue to get better. That's it for the life of you. If you found some comfort or inspiration in this conversation, why not share it with a friend?

And stay tuned for more behind-the-scenes chats in future episodes by following and subscribing wherever you get your podcasts. I'll see you soon. This episode of The Life of Brianne is sponsored by George at ASDA. Bring it on with George School Uniform. Shop now in store or at george.com.