The Life Of Bryony - The Life of YOU: "There’s So Much Anti-Fat Bias in Healthcare" with Laura Adlington

Starting point is 00:00:00 And please hit follow because it really helps us to continue making the content that you love. That I love. That I love. Welcome to The Life of You where we tackle your dilemmas and help you find solutions to life's trickier moments. Today I'm joined once again by the lovely Laura Adlington. You might know Laura from the Great British Bake Off, but she's also an amazing advocate for body acceptance, mental

Starting point is 00:00:35 health and loving yourself exactly as you are. Today Becky's feeling stitched up over a bridesmaid dress that's anything but fitting. Priya is haunted by previous ghosting experiences after sex. And Lexi's doctor is weighing in where he's not wanted. I've come here to get a tetanus jab for this squirrel bite, not to ask you for advice on my weight. So could you just give me the tetanus jab and fuck off? All of your problems solved right after this. So I first came to Edward Jones with a great deal of trepidation. When I first met with my advisor and I really was feeling vulnerable about what I would have to share. I was, of course, pleasantly surprised

Starting point is 00:01:28 to find that there was absolutely no judgment and a lot of support. And when it was time to get serious, he really took my hand and helped me to do that. Edward Jones, we do money differently. Visit edwardjones.ca slash different. Okay, this is a question from Becky. She says, My best mate's getting married and she's a tiny size four. We've been best

Starting point is 00:01:53 friends since we were five and she's marrying my cousin. So naturally, I'm a bridesmaid. A few weeks ago, we went bridesmaid dress shopping. She's only interested in this one boutique. I was hopeful as they said the dress goes up to extra extra large, which I later found out is a size fucking 14. The thing is, I'm a size 18 to 24 depending on the season and how much takeaway I've had. We Becky you are my girl. The dress didn't even zip halfway. It's got this high neck, tight shoulders basically designed for girls with no boobs. Meanwhile, I'm carrying around

Starting point is 00:02:24 f-cups and curves on curves. Now I'm faced with having to buy a second dress, getting it altered and crossing my fingers it all works. This £100 dress I'll never wear again has somehow turned into a £300 plus headache. I know it's her day and I'm chuffed to be there for her but the stress is honestly through the roof. Any ideas on how to make this whole thing less of a nightmare? Oh well that sucks for you. I'm really sorry, first of all, that you've happened to go through that. And it's very othering sometimes being like the bigger friend or, you know, yeah, just being bigger in general. I feel like I would want to talk to, if she's your best friend, like she should

Starting point is 00:03:00 understand that this is actually causing you stress and anxiety. And like, it's not about you, it's about your friend that's getting married. Totally. But she also needs to understand that this is actually causing you stress and anxiety. And like, it's not about you, it's about your friend that's getting married. Totally. But she also needs to understand that you have feelings as well and that this has become not only like emotionally difficult, but financially like quite a big strain. Like, I'm really interested in this and I think I probably owe a massive amends to my bridesmaid because I think she paid for her own dress. But I feel like that's something that the bride and groom

Starting point is 00:03:25 should have to pick up. They should factor that in. So when my brother got married, my sister-in-law was so lovely. They paid for our dresses. It was me and her best friend and she specifically researched and went to somewhere that did custom sizes and stuff and that went up to my size so that I didn't feel othered and I was included and it wasn't brought up. It was never mentioned. It was just that's how it was. And I remember that made me feel so included. So I'm really sorry that you've not had that experience. But I don't think that's right. I don't think that's fair.

Starting point is 00:03:53 I have to say, I really do think weddings bring out the worst in people. I really do. And I am so glad I am no longer in that stage in my life where like my friends are getting divorced, not married. And I remember some absolute shockers. I remember going to one wedding where we all had to sort of, I think we had to make the food and clean up and you know, we basically paid for the wedding and I was a bit, and they like, they kind of passed it off as a sort of like sustainable whatever. And I was like, this is, this is just cheeky, actually. Anyway, it just brings out the worst. People behave really badly. Like my wedding, I wasn't really

Starting point is 00:04:30 that bothered about it. I mean, I was, I was, I was happy to be getting married to my husband. We probably would have gone on and not got married ever. We probably just happily kind of coexisted. You know, family were like, no, you have to get married. And I just remember like people just arguing about guest lists and my one bridesmaid didn't want to wear the dress that the other bridesmaid had chosen because she thought the other bridesmaid was going to look better than her. And I was like, and I think at this point, I had literally just given birth. So I was like, listen, you're both looking better than me because you haven't got a three day old baby. She was maybe three weeks old or something. But yeah, it's a real time of sort of, I don't know. So I also fucking hate weddings. I hate

Starting point is 00:05:17 sitting in that. I think as a sober person, but I really didn't like them when I was like drinking as well. They're like a trial to get through. Like, why are they so long? Literally? I remember saying to my venue when I was like drinking as well. They're like a trial to get through. Why are they so long? Literally, I remember saying to my venue, I was like, can we please have the ceremony at five and then just everyone just have some food and then just goes home? Yeah. And they were like, no, sorry. And then they have that like long torturous bit where they don't give you any food, they just give you some cheap alcohol. And then you're like, oh, and then there's speeches, which are just interminable. I feel terrible if anyone, I'm so sorry if I've been to your wedding. It was shit.

Starting point is 00:05:54 I don't mean this about your wedding. Your wedding was the best of all the weddings. My advice, Becky, would be just take a deep breath and let it go. Because it will be a period of your life that you laugh about eventually. And I just think people do behave, they don't have their heads on properly. And like if I think that kind of behavior continues after she's married and she's still kind of thoughtless, then maybe you want to look at your friendship. But when it's in relation to a wedding, you know, there is a reason we have that term brizilla.

Starting point is 00:06:24 I would actually be honest, I think, and say I'm struggling here, like as your best friend, like I know this is all about you and I'm so happy to be whatever you want for your big day. But the shop you've picked is not inclusive. I can't fit into their dresses. So I'm going to have to spend three times the amount either buying three dresses and stitching them to make one or on something else. And I'm starting to feel quite anxious about it. I think that's fair. Yeah. I mean, Becky, let us know what happens. Good luck. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:50 Yeah. If you're enjoying it, please subscribe to our channel. And if you're interested in learning more about the show, please click on the link below and watch the full episode of the show. If you're interested in learning more about the show, please click on the link below and watch the full episode of the show. If you're interested in learning more about the show, please click on the link below and watch the full episode of the show.

Starting point is 00:06:58 And if you're interested in learning more about the show, please click on the link below and watch the full episode of the show. And if you're interested in learning more about the show, please click on the link below and watch the full episode of the show. And if you're interested in learning more about the show, please click on the link below and watch the full episode of the show. And if you're interested in learning more about the show, please click on the link below and watch the full episode of the show. And if you're interested in learning more about the show, please click on the link below and watch the full episode of the show. And if you're interested in learning more about the end, you'll be standing there, wishing you could high five that truck. That's what we call being Tundra struck.

Starting point is 00:07:09 It's time to be impressed. It's time to Toyota. Lease a 2024 Tundra 4x4 crew max SR from $129 weekly for 40 months at 2.39% with $5,300 down. Visit shoptoyota.ca or your local Ontario Toyota dealer today. Join the podcast, hit follow now to stay connected and never miss an episode. Right, email two. I'm in full on panic mode. I've just started dating again after taking a break for a year and I'm absolutely terrified of having sex. There's this lovely guy I've been seeing. He's so sweet and makes me feel amazing but I can't

Starting point is 00:07:48 shake this fear that if we sleep together he might just ghost me afterwards and honestly I'd be crushed. I'm trying to be more body positive and confident but my mind keeps spiralling. I know this is probably about trusting myself as much as it is about trusting him. Has anyone else gone through this? How did you handle the nerves? Or am I just overthinking everything? Any tips for feeling comfortable and not freaking out? And that's from Priya. Priya, he knows what you look like with clothes on. When you take them off,

Starting point is 00:08:12 it's not gonna come as a surprise. Like he's not gonna go, oh my God, you've got boobs and you're fat. Like, I don't know what size she is, right? I don't have that context. But he's not gonna be surprised. He's just gonna be thinking, I'm having sex. This is great. Like he's not going to be surprised. He's just going to be thinking, I'm having sex. This is great.

Starting point is 00:08:25 Like he's not going to be worried about what you look like. I can pretty much guarantee he's just going to be worried about what he looks like and how he's performing. It is so common. The amount of women that come to me with this exact same issue, like I promise you, you're not alone, but like try if you can and just get out of your head. Like he will want to have sex with you and he will be very happy to. But I would also, again, I would say like open communication, I would really

Starting point is 00:08:48 encourage you to say, listen, I really like you. I'm feeling a little bit insecure about like intimacy and stuff. Like it's a big thing for me. If he doesn't know, he might be thinking that you are not turned on or you're not into him or that you're being like weird or you're rejecting him. If you have that conversation, he might also turn around and go, do you know what? Me too. I've got a scar here or I've got a lump here or you know, I'm struggling. I can't keep it up. Like you just don't know. So if you have that conversation, you might hopefully was, you know, he'll be supportive and I guarantee you'll feel better for it. Yeah. And if he's not supportive, then bin him off. That's just let the trash take itself

Starting point is 00:09:24 out darling. Absolutely. Yeah. OK, final email. I went to urgent care because... Oh, God. Sorry, this is because a squirrel somehow made it into my house and bit me as I was ushering out. Long story not getting into it. When I told the doctor why I was there she asked

Starting point is 00:09:45 for my height and weight. Cue the typical did you know you're overweight chat. She suggested I exercise and eat better. Ironic as I was dressed in my gym gear for crossfit. It took a lot of will not to lose my shit. Is there a better way to shut that conversation down faster? And that's from Lexi. Yeah, bloody hell. It's really, really hard to do and it's often like easier said than done. But always try and advocate for yourself. And it's something that I'm still learning and trying to do. Because often in the medical world, especially,

Starting point is 00:10:13 there is so much anti-fat bias in the medical profession. You shut you down, and they just put everything down to your weight. And they just talk to you like you're fucking stupid. Or it's like, oh, have you tried Slimming World? Yes. Yes, I've tried Slimming World. Thank you., I've Karen, I've tried Slimming World, thank you. So if you can, I would say to advocate it for yourself.

Starting point is 00:10:28 Like if you just sort of say like, actually I have struggled with disordered eating or just, you know, body image and I'm in a good place now, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't mention it. Do you know what I would say to Lexi's doctor? I'd be like, I've come here to get a tetanus jab for this squirrel bite, not to ask you for advice on my weight. So could you just give me the tetanus jab and

Starting point is 00:10:50 fuck off? I literally would say that and if all else fails, just tell them to fuck off. And unless my weight is directly related to the outcome of this tetanus jab or anti squirrel jab or whatever it is you get, I don't see why this is relevant. No, it's really hard. I speak to so many women that don't advocate for themselves. They don't feel like they're able to, sorry. And there was one woman I spoke to, she was just saying that she went to the doctor's once for something completely unrelated to her weight, like an ear infection, was fat shamed by the doctor and then didn't go to the doctor for six years,

Starting point is 00:11:23 dismissed loads of symptoms, found out she had ovarian cancer too late, died within three months. Like that is why it's so important that I think there needs to be more training NHS professionals to deal with like sensitive subjects like this and to just not just bring it up willy-nilly and be careless and fat shame people and make them, you know, put blame on them. Not okay. Laura, you're so right. There's a bit called The Health for Every Size Movement, Hayes is for sure, and there's a few books on it actually, but it really does look at not only your relationship with

Starting point is 00:11:51 food but exercise and health and it separates the two. So it's not about weight, it's not about size, it's not about how you look like, and it's also about mental health. Health for every size. Health at every size, yeah. Health at every size. Thank you Laura Adlington. I have had so much fun with you. Please can you come on again? Yes. I really do want to be your best friend. When I read your book. We are best friends. Oh great. I read your book and I sent you a message

Starting point is 00:12:14 didn't I? I can't remember the first time we messaged but I feel like we messaged quite a lot and now we've got each other's numbers. Great yeah. Now we're going to WhatsApp forever. Should we get like necklaces with like the two hearts and the jagged edge? Is that okay? I'll post them to you, then you'll be like, fuck it, I'll stalk her. A huge thank you to Laura Adlington for joining us today.

Starting point is 00:12:38 If this conversation resonated with you, why not share it with someone who might need a little inspiration or reassurance to? So guys, I am under my weekly recommendation this week, which sounds a bit saucy. It's not, can tell you it's the least saucy thing ever. It is a heated blanket. Why has it taken me till 44 to discover the joys of a heated blanket? So basically every year my dad gives me a John Lewis voucher and every year I stare at the John Lewis voucher and think what am I gonna do with it? And I always buy something really practical

Starting point is 00:13:14 that I wouldn't dare buy with my own money because I would feel it too boring. So like a few years ago I used his John Lewis voucher to buy a mattress topper. But this week I used it finally. 11 months after he gifted me the John Lewis card, I bought myself a heated blanket. Oh, let me tell you guys, this is next level. The temperature has dropped, but not under this blanket.

Starting point is 00:13:42 I don't know about you, but I live in an old Victorian house as opposed to a new Victorian house. A terraced house and the insulation is terrible guys, it's terrible. And so you can have the heating on and it not create any effect except in one room which is like a sauna, right? I now just shove the heated blanket over us, me and my daughter, while we're watching Grey's Anatomy, like two old grannies having a high old time together and I can heartily recommend it. My friend Laura I have shamelessly copied so my best friend Laura I have been going around her house recently and she's been throwing her heated blanket over me. She gave me the permission to go firmly

Starting point is 00:14:25 into granny territory, and I am grateful now I'm here. Hit subscribe, tell a friend how amazing this podcast is, and I will see you on Monday.

The Life Of Bryony - The Life of YOU: "There’s So Much Anti-Fat Bias in Healthcare" with Laura Adlington

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