The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 64 - Tom Ballard & Anne Edmonds

Episode Date: December 21, 2011

Barbecuing Presents, Doing Comedy on the Podcast, Getting Gassed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo, sitting opposite me is my co-host Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. How are you today, you alright? Yeah, well we'll get on with that a bit later on I'd say, shall we? Should we save that a little bit? It's festive season, we've both come from Christmas parties. You were at your girlfriend's family's Christmas party.

Is that correct? How was that? Yeah, it was okay. It was okay. It was... It sounds like it was shit. No, no, no. It's okay.

It's because I like the kids. I like her nephews and whatever and nieces. I like playing with them. I don't know. Well, I cannot think of anyone less equipped to play with kids than you. I'm good with them. Really? They love me.

I do not believe that for a second. It's 100% true. Well, how's this? They know my name. I haven't seen them for three, four months, and I walk in and go, who's this? And they go, Carl. And they don't know Diane's name. They don't know my girlfriend's name.

They don't know their auntie's names at all. They know my name. Because I bring the fun. Why would you forget me? But that could just mean that you've been so awful around them. No, no, no. And you scarred them in such a way that they're never going to forget. No, I'm awesome.

I'm so good with them. I can't. I just, I'm trying to picture you playing with kids and I just, I cannot mentally picture it. I think I'm much better with kids than grownups. Put it that way. Well, okay. No, I believe that. Because you're awful with grownups. Put it that way. Well, okay. No, I believe that because you're awful with grown-ups

so you can't be worse. Maybe it's just like doing 63 episodes of this show with me has given you the perfect training because I am a basic child. Exactly. Yeah, that's right. I just said g'day dickhead

to this two-year-old and he loved it. No. Well, I thought this is a bit cutesy for this show but anyway, this was funny. I found this really funny. Save it for the cutesy for this show. But anyway, this is funny. I found this really funny. Save it for the cutesy poo podcast that you're doing after this.

Kids Corner. Right. We're opening up Kids Corner. They had like a Christmas thing where they were all going away on holidays. So it's not quite Christmas yet. So they were giving out the presents early. And I was sort of like teasing like the two-year-old, the two-year-old kid, the two-year-old boy. Because it's-old kid, the two-year-old boy.

Because it's awesome because I get to tease these kids and they're not smart enough to go to the parents and go, hey, he's doing this to me. Oh, I've just worked out why you give these kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tease kids and they're not smart enough to do anything about it. Yeah, yeah. They just think all people are assholes like me. So, but he's like busting to open up the presents. He's like present, present.

Cause he's like two, two and a half. So he's like talking like that. Present time, present, present time. And I'm going, mate, it's not present time. What have you got me? Like you've got to, you'd better have bought me something, mate. Cause you're getting nothing unless I'm going to burn. I said, I'm going to burn your presents.

If you haven't got me something, I'm going to go. I said, I'm going to burn your presents if you haven't got me something. I'm going to go, we just had a barbecue. I said, I'm going to barbecue those presents if you haven't got me something good. He's like, and he goes, he goes, oh, oh, oh, I got you new sneakers. And I go, oh yeah, where are they? And he randomly grabs behind him this present, pulls it in front and goes, here they are. And it was a present that was like four foot long. And he goes, they're big ones.

Oh man, that is awesome. That is just you. And I also love that you're calling a two-year-old mate. Today on the show, we have two good mates of ours. One is a first timer in the Dum Dum Club. One is an old mate of ours, our first guest. You will know her from Studio A. You will know her from her sold-out seasons at the Melbourne Fringe and Melbourne Comedy Festivals.

Please welcome into the Dum Dum Club, Anne Edmonds. Yay! Hi, guys. How are you going? Good. How are you, Anne? I'm very well. Thank you.

Now, listeners may also know you from the Down Low podcast. You are going to notice that there is going to be a distinct lack of footy talk in the show. Yeah, I know. No up there kazalies to speak of. And to answer your question from before we started the show, yes, there is comedy in this podcast, Anne. I asked when I sat down, is this podcast about comedy? Yeah, that's not even a stitch-up. That is a direct quote from you.

And just before that, I told you I'd been listening to it, which obviously I obviously got busted. Well, you could easily have been listening to this show and then still ask, is there comedy in this podcast? Other people have done the same thing, to be fair. There's been a few iTunes reviews like that, I think. Our second guest today, he's been on the show before. You will know him from things like Can of Worms and Triple J Breakfast.

Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Tom Ballard. You guys have changed. I remember. We have gone a bit commercial since you came in here last. You were one of our earliest guests on the Dum-Dum Club. You were episode five or something. Yeah, something like that. Back when we recorded at Sin.

How do you sell out on a podcast? You found a way to do that. Yeah, we sold out without making any more money. I don't know how we managed to do that. Great. No, it's lovely to see you guys. Have we gotten better? We would have gotten better since then.

Yeah. Yeah, fair enough. What do you think, Anne? Better looking. How do you think they've got better Over the years? Just better looking Yeah Better comedy

Yeah Just the look on Tom's face As someone who's been Working at the ABC For a number of years now As he walked through The Triple M building And had to hear the music

Piped through The intercom system Was just something to behold I know He threw himself Against the window He goes Look at the view

You guys get sunlight And I bet you In a Triple J They don't and was just something to behold. He threw himself against the window. He goes, look at the view. You guys are at sunlight. And I bet you in a Triple J, they don't make you wait 45 minutes out the front. Oh, here we go. Here we are. Here we are. Five minutes and 20 seconds is what it took us.

I hate when you guys fight. I love you guys. Come on. You love it when we fight. I do love it when you fight. All right, what happened? Let's get this out of the way. Let's get to this. Do we get to it? Do we get to it?

Do we get to it? I just think this is going to be one of those things where we think it'll be good and it's just anger without any resolution. No, I think it's one of those things where you don't like this and we do. I think it's one of those things where you're completely wrong. Oh. Come on. They're like this all the time.

It's one of the most confusing four ways I've ever been involved in. Like, it was just... Every other four way you've been has been quite straightforward. Clear cut. But this was bizarro. Who's going to walk us through it? It's a very odd way to start off a show, I may say, because it's just like we're going to have brought in guests

to just sit and sort of mediate our angry conversation. I feel like Carl should leave and Tommy should tell us his side. Oh, that is a good way of doing it. We should do it that way. How about this? I'll just read out the text messages and that's it. Okay. That's all.

Okay. Well, the discerning listener will note that, you know, this is a comedy show. We do the comedy. Is this about comedy? Is this about comedy, Anne? Do any of you guys watch the game over the... Oh, forget it. Let's just get to the facts of the situation.

Right. At 7.05 tonight, there is a message, a text message that's gone out to, I believe, all of us. All of us. From Tommy Daslow. 7.05, we should note, a full two hours before we're scheduled to record this podcast. Important detail. I think you were supposed to keep quiet while Carl had a chance. Exactly.

I'm very sorry. There's someone jumping in, and I think that's a real guilty reflex. I forgot that we do comedy here. Carl's holding the talking ball. I've got the talking microphone. Now, I'm going to have to censor some of these words. Oh, what?

Oh, no fair. Yeah. 705 Tonight, there's a message from Tommy Daslow, if that is his real name, that says, heads up,

sees, I'm gassed. Which, you know, to our American listeners means drunk. I put a message back that says, nice work, I won't bother coming in then. Because as if I don't want to work with someone that's drunk. Imagine working with a comedian that's drunk. It never happens much on the comedy show. Yeah, at all.

We're professional. No one ever drinks or does heroin or does anything before gigs. I can't help but notice people are butting in here. Sorry. I've got the floor. You do. I'm just trying to note out the fact. Yeah, thanks for coming in, Anne, and sitting in silence.

Yeah, right. Sorry, withdrawn. Heads up, Cs. I'm gassed. Nice work. I won't bother coming in then. Sweet should be our best episode. So then I haven't come in.

He sends me a message. Where are you? These guys are waiting at the front for 45 minutes No, I'm waiting at the front for 45 minutes And no one's there We were at a bar We were drinking I thought this is not going to happen

It was bizarro I feel like, in my defence I feel like that is obviously A joking back and forth conversation Between two legitimate comedy mates. And I feel like, Carl, by bringing this up, you are just swinging people who were previously Team Chandler onto Team Allsop. I feel like you are really undoing yourself.

No, no, no. Do you even listen to this podcast? No. But then your mate, one of your mates got on our Facebook wall and said, Daslo's really gassed. Really? Yes. Really?

Yes. Who? I don't know, one of your little mates. Oh, one of my little mates. Oh, okay. One of your little mates from school has put the same message. Daslo's really gassed. Should be a terrible episode of Dumb Dumb.

Well, I can't speak for that. That's like, that's nothing to do with me. No, well, I'm just saying, I've got two messages saying that you're drunk. So I'm going to believe that you're drunk. Including one from you. Yeah, but like, what is that? That's not like something saying that. Why is it not a legitimate discussion where we're going, hey, let's like not do this?

Well, that's what I put to you. But that is also something that you would send to me as a joke and have done several times in the past, to be fair. I don't know if I would. And do you want a cup of tea? Yeah. We might shoot off. See, I knew it would end up like this.

I knew it would end up like this. So you were totally joking. You were at a Christmas party, so you were having a few drinks and stuff. And I was trying to mediate. Carl was saying, I'm not going to do the podcast. I was like, oh, okay, maybe he'll need your help or something. I don't know how it works. Yeah.

And then I tried to get in contact with Tommy. I was like, Tommy, what's happening? Are we doing anything? I tried calling you. I kept getting through your message bank. My phone died. My phone died. Probably thinking he was too drunk to answer the phone.

Not helping the situation was the fact that my phone did die an hour ago. And who's left out of this communication loop? Old Edo. I didn't know what was going on. Old AD. Just sitting in the car in the traffic going Oh this is going to be a great podcast about comedy And here I am

Meanwhile to be honest I'm at home contacting podcast lawyers You didn't even know what gas mean did you? No I didn't I thought you were in trouble With the Germans With the Germans yeah Just the Germans, yeah. Just to let you know, guys, I'm locked in a chamber and something is seeping through the air vents.

And I'm probably not going to be able to. Oh, great. Well, great. That's screwed the podcast. Well, I'm not going to come in. If you're being killed by Germans, I'm not coming in. Well, if your lungs have come out of your throat, then I'm not going to bother coming in.

Yeah, that's unprofessional. Yeah, okay. Oh, well. We've cleared that in. But we're here now. Well, this so far to me is just like a classic Christmas party, isn't it? Like this is just, there's a bit of anger. There's a bit of alcohol flowing around.

I'll start dancing erotically soon. This is what I did at my Christmas party on Thursday night. Great, because that is not comedy. No, it wasn't. So that's good. That'll fit in with this podcast. And I've had the whole weekend to think about it before going back to work tomorrow. I am a really good dancer, so everyone got to see that at work and stand around me in

a circle. How erotic are we talking? No, it wasn't. I just got a poof and put it... Hang on. Hello. Hello. No, it was at some sort of faux Turkish restaurant.

So they were all Moroccan or something. So there were a lot of poofs around. Racist. Jesus. Faux Turkish. So you weren't in Turkey. It's like they'd set the whole thing up like you were in Turkey, but you weren't actually there.

And so there were poofs around, and I got one and put it in the middle of the dance floor and just cut sick on. What was his name? Come on. Darren. No, I don't know. It was a real poof, like a stuffed poof. Gotcha.

And that means a... An ottoman. An ottoman. Yeah, yeah. A lot of people wouldn't know what that is. That's like an older term. Poof or ottoman? Poof, yeah.

Yeah, poof. Who calls it a poof anymore? Yeah, no one. Maybe it's wrong, is it? No, it's not. Don't look at me. I'm looking at Tom. You homophobe.

Yeah, and get your feet off him as well, then. They won't let me marry a stool. If that ever becomes, if they allow that in this country, who's going to be the first gay man to rock up with an ottoman to City Hall and try and pull that one off. That would be amazing. I think Mark Knight's going to pull that off in a Herald Sun editorial cartoon. And the little pig's going to be like,

oh, we're all gay about this one. He's the ring bearer. But I'd love it if Mark Knight's actual prejudices came out. So it's like the little pig's going, what a couple of faggots. Do you like any Melbourne cartoonists? Because I know you hate Lunig and you hate Mark Knight. Well, I don't hate him. No, but I used to draw a lot when I was a kid.

So I actually really respect the art of cartooning, but I don't like it being done badly. Do you like the New Yorker ones? Yeah, of course. Yeah, they're very clever and funny. I like a lot of cartoons, but I don't like it being done badly. Do you like the New Yorker ones? Yeah, of course. Yeah, they're very clever and funny. I like a lot of cartoons, but I don't like, yeah, I don't know. Lunig's just a bit moist, isn't he? It's all a bit feel good.

Just a bit 16-year-old art class, isn't it? Yeah. Isn't it? I think he's a bloody legend. And everyone reads out his things. We had to, in art class in year 12, we had to study, we had to pick an artist to write on, and I picked Lunig just because I thought it would be easy. I thought it's so easy to find his books and it's pretty straightforward.

So I picked him, and then I just ended up hating him so much because I had to wade through so many ducks with bloody teapots on them. It should have gone with bloody Snake Tales or Fred Bassett. Reg Mombasa. It should have gone with bloody snake tails or Fred Bassett. Regmon Bassett. It should have gone with everything. Snake tails is like, I think the guy who does snake tails, Souls, I think he is aware that no one reads it because I'm pretty sure that there's six cartoons he's got and he repeats them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a blank in the word bubble. Yeah, yeah. No, that's exactly what it is. Yeah. Have we aired our snake tails prejudice on this show before? Because we talk about it in person a lot. I'm not sure whether or not it's ever seeped into the show.

I don't even know what it is. Well, a lot of people bag Fred Bassett for being a boring, horrible cartoon, but I think Snake Tales is worse. Yeah. People should get on the band of We Hate Snake Tales. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it in the age or is it in the Herald Sun? It's in the Herald Sun.

Oh, right. But that's the thing. Like, you know, going to the States and like the age or is it in the Herald Sun? It's in the Herald Sun. Oh, right. But that's the thing, like, you know, going to the States and like the comic pages over there and newspapers, like they've got,

it's like four pages and they rotate the strips. They respect the art form. Yeah, and if a strip isn't doing well, it gets dumped. If people don't like it, they bring a new one in.

Whereas the Herald Sun has had the same four shitty comic strips since like 1983 is the best I can tell. Those narrative ones blow my mind. The ones that you actually need to keep reading.

Yeah, yeah. And the characters have narrative arcs and stuff. Like the Phantom. Yeah. Yeah, because there's three panels, and one panel is devoted to what happened yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then you've only got two fresh panels.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the third panel is going to be repeated the next day anyway. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if anyone's ever followed Robot Man, or Monty as it's now called but that is like that's a really funny comic strip

that I've got a book of it and he would do these like three week things where people get kidnapped and like it's it's sort of like a comedy joke strip but people have

their minds erased and all this insane stuff happens and it's good I don't have a funny way to wrap that up. On Secular it seemed to be good. It was just like, boom, joke, you move on, you think about it and wrap. No, I just realised I was too caught up in the discussion of something that I really

enjoy. Yeah, there was no joke to it. But we don't do comedy on this podcast. No. So what does it matter? Just talking. So Anne, your work Christmas party, was that Friday night? No, Thursday night.

Thursday night. Because I saw you Friday night afterwards and you were quite hungover and at one point you were laughing at something that someone had said and you were so hungover and the combination of being hungover and laughing you were saying, my back hurts. Yeah, my kidneys were hurting. That was making

you laugh more. What was I laughing at? Was it something Luke McGregor said? It was something Luke McGregor said. Comedy. Laughing at comedy. Shall we bring this out? Because we were at a dinner party at Friend of the Show, Kate McLennan's house on Friday evening. And Luke McGregor turned up after his work Christmas party and he turned up wearing odd shoes.

Now, when I say odd shoes, I mean on his left foot he had a white sneaker. On his right foot he had a black dress shoe. And they were both left feet. They were both left-footed shows. And so he stumbles in and we see that and we go, what are you doing? And he goes, oh, I got a cab from the Christmas drinks. Say no more.

Yeah. Past my apartment. Paid with my shoes. Past my apartment to change clothes. And I was in a rush because I didn't want to keep the cab waiting at the front too long. So I didn't turn the lights on. And I just chucked on whatever shoes I could find. Because that would have cost 20 cents on the meter.

Good thing you didn't flick the light on because that's 50 bucks right there. Like the cabbie knows. There's a flagpole rate for turning a light switch on in the house. So then he turns up. And then also he'd locked his keys in his house. Yeah, so he was stuck with the shoes. Yeah, and he stayed with you, didn't he? Yeah, he stayed on my couch.

He stayed on my couch. And then we went on a key search the next day. It was good fun. Tom Bellard, you seem underused on this podcast so far. Well, I wasn't at the thing. I was at the meeting. Were you really involved in the key search? Because I had a friend stay over at my place the other night I don't I was at the meeting Were you really involved In the key search Like did you

Like because I had A friend Stay over at my place The other night And he was saying And we were at a party Last night And he was like

Oh I left my wallet there And as soon as someone Says that I just go Oh I don't care And now I have to do The look around And call the venue And it's the whole time

You're thinking What am I having for lunch Yeah it's not my problem You're just not committed I'm like just sort your shit out I was on board with Luke Because I lose things Once a week, like important things. So I understand.

Okay. You're a good person. No, I'm not a good person, but I'm just a bit of a misfit. So I get it. I've got this thing where I reckon a switch flicked with me about five, six years ago where I never lost anything and now all I do is lose stuff. Oh, really? I don't know what's happened.

Three weeks ago, I lost my comedy book, my joke book. Oh, no. The book that I write my jokes in. Are you serious? A year's worth of my scribblings is gone. It's gone. Someone's going to do a comedy festival show next year and you're going to... Someone's out there riddling it up as we speak.

We're all about Twitter, to be fair. In the front of it, I've even got... I, address, phone number, email address, and reward offered. Really? I've seen that before. How much is the award, Carl? I think I put $50 in there. Sweet. I'll look around the bins in Hawthorne.

See, that says to me, the fact that it's not turned up, is that someone who knows you has taken it and they're just waiting for a good moment to punk you on. No, I don't think so. No one would do that. Like, it's been three weeks. That's too long. Yeah, we'll see.

Surely. We'll see. Unless you took it one day when you were drunk. When he was gassed. Classic Gaslow. Absolutely gassed. Getting in on the lingo. were drunk. When he was gassed. Classic Gaslow. Absolutely gassed. Getting in on the lingo. All right.

Yeah. That's good. So what happened with the Kris Kringle thing? Or have we covered that? I don't think we've covered that at all. Was there a Kris Kringle story? No, we did a Kris Kringle and we did a bit of a, the limit was $5, which sort of generally suggests, you know, get something shit.

And my girlfriend was there and she ended up getting the present that Anne had bought. So we're going around the group and everyone's sort of saying what they got and someone goes, oh, I got a Barbie playset. Oh, I got a mug with a wrestler on it. Oh, I got a plastic chicken. All funny things. Yeah, and then it gets to.

I got some shoes. Yeah. I got a right shoe. I got McGregor's right shoes, yeah. And then it gets to my girlfriend and she goes, I got a really nice bag of tea from T2. And Anne from just the corner of the room goes, oh, I'm bad at comedy.

Starts crying. I just didn't get it that it had to be a funny, like everyone was getting good laughs off their present and mine was deadly serious. And it cost me $15 because I misread the text. Oh, she went overboard. Yeah. But my girlfriend was saying like, I'm really glad that I got a good gift instead of some

of the shit that I bought for people. Yeah. Chris Kringle, like that's, when you get in that and it's like a $10 amount or $20 or whatever, that's so wrong. Cause you, if you're in a, like a large amount of people doing it, you see the people that are buying something that they would want themselves. They'll go to JB Hi-Fi and get a DVD or something and go, oh, that's sweet for $10. You can get a good movie or whatever.

And some people have just clearly looked through their own closet and gone, that's probably worth $10. $10's like a low enough limit. I reckon you've got to have the limit low enough that it's like, yeah, if it's like five bucks, you can't get anything. Like, you've got to set it as a thing where it's like everyone just gets shit. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I mean, that's the thing. Because like when people go through the cupboards, like as if someone is pulling out, you know, Laverne and Shirley pepper shakers or whatever. Like it's something that has been lying around in the shed. That sounds really good actually. Yeah, I like those. I'd rather get the DVD.

I think it's because it's anonymous. That's the problem. That's why the shit comes out. Because you know, once you put it under the tree, you just step back and go, suck shit. I don't like the idea of it being completely anonymous. T2T. I want it to come out at the end because it's like, if you get something that's like spectacularly shit, like if you buy it for someone else, you want to stand up and own it.

You know, like if you really, if you have pride in the shit that you've got, you want to go, yep, I found the bloody, you know, whatever, chicken on roller skates at Hot Potatoes. That sounds really good as well. I bought my mum and dad, like, do you find your mum and dad's very hard to buy for at Christmas time? They've got everything. They're baby boomers. They're easy to repeat presents for.

Like, I can get my dad the same thing every year and he'll be ecstatic. Yeah, yeah. This year's been the easiest I've ever had it because, yes, Prime Minister announced a national tour at the start of the year and I just went, thank you, God. That is two tickets for mum and dad right there. Yeah. Well, there's something as great as that comes up, you're home free. But I think you're right, Tom. Like, I think I've just got to get to that stage where I figure that out because I always

try and think of something different. And it's like, my mum and dad just don't like that many things. They've got very simple tastes. That's what happens when you get old. The things you like just narrow. Yeah, exactly. They don't, like old things start to not exist anymore. New things come in and they're like,

I don't want to know what those things are. So there's only a limited number of things. There's Laverne and Shirley pepper shakers. There's Louise salt and pepper shakers. There's tea bags and that's about it. That's what I did get. I tried to get them something really good a couple of years ago. I went to T2 and I spent like $200 on a tea set

with all this malarkey added onto it. Now I'm going to say before hearing the end of the story, I reckon you've nailed it because I would say that's a good parent gift. Yeah, yeah, that's the classic funny story. Yeah, I got a really good present from my mum and dad and they liked it. That didn't happen at all. Yeah, well that's what I'm saying. Hey guys, I'm gassed.

I'm gassed. What a good joke. No, I gave it to them and the worst thing they did is they brought it down the beach house, which means they didn't even want it in their normal house. They put it down in the place that they spend 18 days a year. And it's just an ornament just sitting there. But see, classic cynical you, you could view that as they're wanting to spread it out and get as much enjoyment over the years as they can.

There's no cynicism at all. It's not being used. It's not being used. It is not being used. That's where the shit crockery goes. Everyone knows it. Yeah. Down to the holiday house. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. What's it do with your brother? Are you going to get your brother a Christmas present? Yes, it's the year. This is a popular subject. This is a popular subject. Why? Who's your brother?

Well, if you listen, Dan. Carl and his brother have a strange relationship. Oh really? We're estranged. Are you? I'd say probably estranged. Really? Carl's brother from what I can gather is basically like me in two years. When I wise up and go I've had it with this

I am done. Get me another drink. Is he an alcoholic? No that's you. Oh okay. You're g you. Oh, okay. Yeah. You're gassed. Oh, so you're estranged from your brother?

Yeah. How long have you been estranged from him? We can't do it all again, Andrew. Yeah, we can't do it all again. Although, this is the year that I think he will be at the Christmas lunch. What's the age difference between you and him? Two years. Is he younger or older?

Younger. Did he sleep with one of your girlfriends? Oh, not to my knowledge. No, right. He probably did. I doubt it. Okay. I really doubt it.

He's not as good as this. Yeah, right. So can you just tell me like in one sentence why you're estranged? Oh, you know, just, you know. You don't need a sentence. Just look at him. I don't feel like that. just, you know.

You don't need a center, just look at him. I don't feel like that. We would fight and it sort of got to a stage where we had some angry fights over some things that you know, maybe a little bit important. Hang on. This is a detail that I've never heard before. No, no, no. I'm sorry I brought it up now, Kyle. No, no, it's fine.

I can find, I totally see how it's interesting because people will know me for quite a while and then go, you don't have any brothers or sisters. And I go, yeah. And they go, I've never heard of this. I want to know all about it. They clearly don't listen to the podcast.

Ballard's come in and he's taken this podcast into serious Mount Malin territory. He's probably going to mouth off about John Safran any second. Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Screw that little Jewish. Not a Merry Christmas to you mate Oh jeez Lordy Lord almighty

What about this? I'll If we're all done with my brother talk No we're not Oh okay So you're going to see him So how long has it been Since you had a Christmas day

Together? I think maybe two years Your parents must find that Two years Upsetting? They do Well you know what My parents Believe it or not You had a Christmas day together. I think maybe two years. Your parents must find that upsetting. They do. Well, you know what? My parents, believe it or not.

Don't smash the tea set. Maybe he put the tea set down at the holiday house. If I find out he's used to it. No, believe it or not, my parents are absolutely lovely. Couldn't be any nicer. Yeah. Um, and they, they don't understand this situation. They, you know what?

They don't mention it. They don't want to be the people to go. You should do this. You should do that. My parents have never, ever said to me, you should do this or you're not doing this well enough or whatever. They've let me go the whole time. Yeah.

Maybe that's just. Maybe that's where we went wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe that's just real dis that's where it went wrong. Yeah, yeah. Maybe that's just real disinterest. Don't bully people. Yeah. But they've been super nice and they've never said anything.

But then. Don't tell small kids you're going to set their presents on fire. Yeah. Just spoil it a little. But my mum did have a weak moment about a year ago where she got really upset about it. It would be weird because she'd be trying to manage Christmas Day and who can come and who can't and stuff. Yeah, yeah. So it's not, look,

you know, I'm not proud of it all being a thing. No. But that's just the way it is at the moment. I'm sorry. That's alright. I'm fine. I had to ask questions about it. I actually don't like not having a brother, so maybe I can just have your brother. Maybe we can work out something that can be easier. Well, this is what happened two years ago. I don't know not having a brother, so maybe I can just have your brother. Maybe we can work out something where it can be easier. Well, this is what happened two years ago.

I don't know if I've told this on the show. Two years ago, when we had our last Christmas together, the brother brought up the- The brother! He's like Voldemort. He's like Carl's Voldemort. The brother- Mum, can you pass the brother to us? Can you pass me the tomato sauce? Can you get old Simon Sibling over there to... Sibsy.

The other person who came out of your vagina to help me out. Get old Sibble shit over there. That's good. He brought... Because he's married. He's married now. And he brought the entire in-laws up for Christmas lunch two years ago. And they really annoyed me.

Yeah. And I've got no poker face and I've got no, in terms of my actual face or my behavior. I don't have. This is news. Yeah, I know. I know this is big. Some people call it poker face, some people call it politeness. Yeah, yeah. Just I know this is big. Some people call it politeness. Yeah, yeah.

Just a general sense of decorum. Whatever. My parents never taught me any different. So they came up and they were like really full. Actually, they were doing this and you'll have to relate to this. Because they went, oh, so we hear you do comedy. I'm like, yep. Yeah, so you do comedy. And I'm, yep. Yeah, so you do comedy.

And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I do that. So tell us a joke right now. Tell us a joke. Tell us a joke right now. And I was like, I'm not doing that. No, well, how about you just tell me a joke instead? Just tell me. And they just kept doing it.

And I'm like, I am not doing anything. Hang on. It was tell us a joke. And then you said no. And they said, how about you tell us a joke instead? Yeah, yeah. Well, something like that. He's a Christmas cracker.

Let's pull this together. Yeah, they were, like, really insistent. And I was up there with my girlfriend, and she, again, couldn't be more polite and more lovely. I don't know how I managed to attract those people towards me. I'm just whoever I'm with on the original Odd Couple. Yeah. So she was up with me and playing.

Classic black spy. It's amazing you're not down to the soup kitchen for Christmas It really is It must be something about me Go down to Hungry Jack's you dickheads So she's being as nice as she can be And I just went I'm going to bed everyone And I went to bed at like 2 o'clock

And waited for dinner to be cooked And I didn't come out until dinner was served at like six o'clock. Oh, did you leave her out there to bathe? Yeah. That's exactly what I did. Absolutely. That's exactly what I did. I'm going to bed.

Diane, let's go. I was like, yeah, Diane, let's go. And then she was like, oh, you can't, I can't do that. I'm like, I can. Yeah, because she'd think that you two were going off can't do that. I'm like, I can. Yeah, because she'd think that you two were going off like in front of the family to have sex or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's dodgy.

We're off to bed at two o'clock. We need that noise, Tom. We all. Yeah. Oh, that's good, Tom. Thanks. Thanks. Are you just getting everything out that you can't get out on the J's?

I can do that on the J's. Oh, can you? Yeah, can I? I'll be listening in. I want to hear that. I can do that on the J's. Oh, can you? Yeah, I'll be listening in. I want to hear that. I can totally do that. One of my exes left me at his dad's 60th once because his dad and his mum were separated and his mum suddenly announced that she had a speech to make

at the 60th and then flipped out of her coat jacket like two foolscapes of paper. And he just looked at me and he said, I'm fucking out of here and left. And I was there like, oh. What, and you stayed? I stayed.

I don't know why. I don't know. Was it a good speech? It was great. Yeah, of course you'd stay because you want to see what the speech is going to be. It was free alcohol and drinks, guys. Was it an angry speech or what was it? Yeah.

I thought it was like, we're getting divorced. Yeah, yeah. No, no, they were already separated. Yeah. It was kind of like a nice speech with things like, you know, why didn't you

stick around then? Steve's a great guy. Shame he, like, hasn't paid Jackson Child Support. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Like, stuff like that. That's awesome.

Why would you not want to stick around and say that? It's amazing. I helped her ride it. No. You helped her tuck it into her bra.

Oh. What? I don't know. What was that? I don't know. I thought I was the drunk one. You're bringing out that. I love that idea of, that reminds me, like doing announcements at parties.

Like, you know, Graham Chapman from Monty Python came out as gay, like invited all these friends over to his house. His girlfriend was there and just came out as gay in front of all of them. Whoa. I didn't know that. That's how he popped the question. That's amazing. I think I read that. Popped the he popped the question. That's amazing. I think I read that.

Popped the question? No. Answered the question. He destroyed the question ever being popped. Oh, the poor girlfriend. I know, isn't it? No, that's horrible, isn't it? But he was just so happy that he was prepared to tell people.

Yeah. And it's just like you have no consideration for that girl that you're in a relationship with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is an odd thing that, an odd story about me and my girlfriend at a party once. She came out as gay? No. But something will happen.

She said to me, there was a party with her friends and people that she knew there and I didn't know anyone. And she said to me, you know, wow, there's quite a lot of gay people here tonight. And I went, oh, is there? I don't know. I don't see orientation. No, no. Are there black people too? Yeah, yeah, yeah there? I don't know. I don't see orientation. No, no, but I literally. Are there black people too?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've gone to bed. I'm asleep. I don't know what's going on with Barney. No, but I was like, I don't know. I hadn't really talked to many people. I just said, oh, is there? And I went, oh, is, hang on, that last guy, did I, did I talk to, was he gay?

And she goes, oh no, but I can see why you thought that. Because he's from Launceston. What does that mean? What does that mean? Does that mean something? Is that anything? Did she wink? No, no.

She just said it. And I went, oh, I don't know what that means. But I better not say anything unless it was really obvious. And you've never questioned that. I did repeat it later on and what she said was don't use that on the podcast well to Carl's brother and girlfriend is that meant to be like a

forgive me the Tasmanian reference Tasmania is one of the most homophobic well until recently was one of the most homophobic decriminalised homosexual activity in the early 90s maybe she think, so I have no idea what that means. Maybe she's like a Tasmanian refugee. I'm positive it was a...

A Tasmanian refugee, and that's why. He just got the hell out of there, yeah. Yeah, anyone who's left Tasmania is gay. I always thought you were from Tasmania, man. Hannah Gadsby, check. No. No, I just... I always thought you were from Launceston.

No, no. I'm from Essendon. Are you really? Yeah. Mad for dick. Oh. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah, and that. I'meston. No, no. I'm from Essendon. Are you really? Yeah. Mad for dick. Oh. Yeah. Well, yeah.

And that. I'm sorry. Yeah, no. I deserved it. What about this? This is what I saw. This is what I saw two days ago. I was on the train and I, yes, I don't want to big note myself too much, but I saw a blind

man walking along with a guide dog. Clang. Yep. Was it a greyhound? No, no, no. Don't do that. I saw a blind man walking along with a guide dog. And on top of that, he had his iPod in, in both ears.

Ah. Right. So no sound, no vision. So the dog's just doing all the lifting. Exactly. Yeah. Way too much rel just doing all the lifting. Exactly. Yeah. Way too much reliance on that poor dog. He wasn't, like, he's lost one of his senses, and he's like,

oh, well, I might as well bung off the other one as well. I'm down to three-fifths. Bung off. I'm down to three-fifths unless he's got the sixth sense, unless he can see dead dudes. That's like the blind, like, equivalent of, like, when you see someone driving with their iPod in. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

So irresponsible. Yeah, exactly. I go off of people that ride their bikes with their iPods in, and he's like buggering off two of them. He's had this horrible life disadvantage in this major way, and then he's gone, oh, well. Yeah, that'd be like if you saw someone riding a fixie with the iPod in and a blindfold. You know what he's going to do? Riding a feesee? A fixie. blindfold. You know what he's going to do? Riding a feesee?

A fixie. Oh, I apologise. You know what he's going to do? He's going to burn out that dog. Yeah, yeah. It depends what he was listening to. He could have been listening to a tape going, just take it slow. Yeah, yeah.

Just take it easy. Just remember, you can't see anything. I do love the idea that the dog is aware of what's going on. The idea that the dog is aware that he's, like, the dog knows what an iPod is. It's like, oh, he's got the iPod in again. Here we go. Here comes another bloody tough trot. Yeah, my old mate up here's got a book on tape.

He's listening to bloody Stephen Fry's autobiography, so I've got to let him know where the bloody Starbucks is. Walk this way. If the dog was listening to an iPod as well, that'd be pretty impressive. That would be amazing. That would be truly amazing. Also, if the dog was wearing sunglasses,

that would be cool too. Hey, Carl, you know the other day on Twitter you wrote, I just saw a girl crying in the car? Yes. No, I didn't put that on Twitter. That was on Facebook. I just got to pull you up. Okay, sorry, Carl.

And can you explain more about that? Yeah, that was just a thing. It's not supposed to be a joke. It wasn't supposed to be funny. No, no, no, I know. Oh, it just, it interests me. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly why I put it up because it interests me.

And we do comedy on this podcast. Was it your brother's wife? It was my mum. It was my mum. No, no, go explain what you saw. She said, oh, I'm going to bed. Yeah. No, I walked out from my house

and I went around the corner and it just just this very weird visual thing where um there's a lot of cars going around the corner and one sort of slowed down right in front of me and it was just this woman who was driving and just absolutely bawling her eyes out really as she was driving and it was like that's something i don't know what that is but it was like oh man i feel really sad now that's whatever she's don't know what that is, but it was like, oh man, I feel really sad now. That's whatever she's been dumped by text messages or something. And she's just driving up to Hawthorne to,

um, to, to the dairy bell. And she's going to find out that that's closed and she's going to cry even more. Have you ever cried in public and you can't help it? Like on the public transport, it's the worst. Do boys do that? Oh, I don't know if I've cried in public.

Look, I may have. I definitely may have. Have you ever cried in your sleep? No. I've had dreams where I've started crying in the dream and then I wake up and I'm crying. Like in reality. Really?

Really intense. It's a different kind of wet dream. Come on, that was alright it was good I liked it it was fine it was pretty good if we looked at it

on paper that worked I'd fallen asleep in my car at the time right sorry that's the worst insult

to a stand up comedian if that was on paper they're right oh good well I'll write it down to pass it around the audience then hey guys check out what I wrote I'm just saying that you're technically proficient on paper, they're right. Oh, good. Well, I'll write it down to pass it around to the audience then.

Hey, guys, check out what I wrote. I'm just saying that you're technically proficient. If your last comedy festival show was on paper, it would have been great. I would have nailed it. The transcript of that. If we title this episode A Different Kind of Wet Dream, people are looking at that as they're listening to this. They're like, ah, golden. I get it.

And you bringing that up suggests to me that you have got a corker of a crying in public No, I don't. I was just interested in what the background to that story was. Were you crying when you were dancing at the Christmas party? Yeah, yeah. Because that would be the most tragic sight ever. But I do know why you bring it up because I did put it on Facebook and usually I put just jokes on Twitter and stuff like that.

And that was just not a joke. And as soon as I put it, went oh I'm gonna get like 16 people getting on there going oh what was she crying for she couldn't get her root of that yeah yeah I didn't mean it that way she just read a snake tales cartoon yeah she just got a tea set she didn't need oh those two rocks are never gonna find true love what the hell goes on in that strip lady Lady Snake smashed Snake in the face again. Oh, he'll never find love. There was a girl crying actually in a park I was walking through not long ago.

And I went up to her. She was like in a school dress. You know, I thought she was like 16 or something. She was just crying sitting by the river. And I thought, I better go up and see if she's all right. And I went up and I put my hand on her shoulder and go, hey, are you all right? Do you need help? She's, get away from me!

Oh, wow. It was intense. Get away! I saw two people, I'm going to say they're junkies. I reckon they are. I saw two people in St Kilda last week having this massive, massive fight at like about four in the afternoon on the street. And it was like one of those things where it draws attention, like the whole streets

come to see it happen. And they both had big Woodstock cans as well. It was quite a sight. Oh, right. It was. And I do like when you say big Woodstock can, the Woodstock now does not come in a normal size can. Do you know what I mean?

You can only get it in the giant 800 milliliter. Yeah. Where it's like now 70% bigger. It's like 70% bigger than what? There's no alternative. It was one of those fights where, you know, have you ever seen those fights in public where they finish up and then one of them just goes across the road

and then you watch him and he goes, no, I'm not finished either. He just runs back across the road. No, Sharon, no! Yeah, it's the bit after the credits have started playing. Yeah. A little teaser. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Runs back across the road. Yep, yep. No, Sharon, no! Yeah, it's the bit after the credits have started playing. Yeah. A little teaser. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, and it was just one of those horrible moments. I think it may have even been the same day I saw the woman crying. Oh, right. And they were both moments where I was like, note to self, don't do anything in public. Ever. Yeah. I think about walking down the street and you could be walking past people who are having the worst day of their lives or the best day of their lives, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think about walking down the street and you could be walking by people who are having the worst day of their lives or the best day of their lives.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Like, that horrible thing where, like, if you have, have you ever had fights in public with your partner or anything like that? Yeah. My word. Oh, man.

It's such a bad thing. Yeah. I had a... It was more of a social media kind of comedy show part of it, but it wasn't really on the street kind of thing. As long as no one saw it or heard about it. I mean, people paid to see it. If you could slag your ex-boyfriend a bit more and then maybe we'll get mentioned on Triple J on The Breakfast Show, that'd be good.

Come on! Yeah, man, that's bad. I've had one of those things where... Actually, one time I had a... And you're so aware of it too. Like, when you start full Barney-ing with a partner, like, at a party, in a really public place, you're so aware of, like, how it looks and you're so aware of how you view that stuff when it happens when you're not in it.

You can't stop. You're like, oh, I'm one of those people. No. Oh, I saw one of those outside my house yesterday. You know that thing where you can- Where are you living? Sadville. There's a hubbub of activity around my house.

You're in Richard Scarry's busy town or something. I think it's like Ghostbusters, but all the negative energy is coming. It's going to create this big monster in Hawthorne. A little worm is fighting with a cat constantly. Yeah. No, there was a, you know, those things where you can see people fighting and then you, and you, and you, you're walking along and you walk up to where they are and then they all of a sudden decide to pretend they're not fighting.

But they're pretending they're not fighting. Yes. Instead of just looking at each other from one foot away and not speaking. I've done that. I have done that before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's what happened, except the couple that were fighting, and they were clearly in a relationship, but one of them was like 80,

and one of them was like 45 or something. It was like... Are you sure it wasn't a father daughter no no no no i was like really clear on this because then i then i got past them and then i spied on them for quite a while i did and uh and now i was gonna try and stitch you up and as a joke claim that you tried to do that but it's no no no no i'm clearly i clearly did that no i was fascinated by it so i just went and hid and watched them. Yeah.

And it was, and then, and then debated over what sort of, like what had happened there. But it was like, the way they were reacting, I was like, I've been in one of these. This is a relationship. I've been in one of these horrible fights because it was like all that sort of like anger. And one, the guy, the 80 year old guy was like dressed like a young guy as well. Like dressed like, like he as well. Oh, no. Like he was in his 30s or 40s or something.

But he was really emaciated and an old dude. And he was just copying it. And the woman had clearly found out he'd done something wrong. And I was with my girlfriend and she was like, he must have cheated on her. I'm like, how did he do that? He's 80. How did he even get one of them? Yeah, yeah.

He's having like a late life crisis. Yeah. And then they just hugged. They did that hug that lasted for 10 minutes. A breakup hug? Like this is the last hug ever? Oh, really? Yeah. I was in one of those for a long time. Relationship with an 80 year old? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Breakup hug? I was in this real volatile relationship where when we were on our own, it would be completely fine. And then as soon as we would set foot out into public, it'd just be on. Like we never fought. We never fought on our own. It'd always only be at parties, like at the train station, just constantly. Oh, really? I can understand at parties because new things are in the mix that you don't have to deal

with at home. Like someone tried, like your partner trying to be funny or something. It was crazy. It was like, yeah. One of you turns up wearing two odd shoes. Yeah. All that sort of shit. I had a horrible,

I had a horrible moment in public once. This is strange. This isn't a comedy buddy podcast anymore. This is like WTF now. This is like the heartbreak hour. Yeah. I'm going to start crying in a minute. I'm going to get it all out.

I had a horrible moment with a, with an ex-girlfriend a long time ago where I played a grand final in soccer and we won. It was this great moment in my life where we won. And I got the winning goal and I was like, oh, this is awesome. We won this thing. I got the winning goal. I'm out with my friends at the bar. We're drinking.

We're going, how great is this? Your brother was the captain of the other team and that's why you don't talk to him? Yeah, yes. And then my girlfriend at the time brought me outside and we went for a walk and she goes, oh, I just want to let you know. Oh, I cheated on you a couple of weeks ago. I'm like, well, this has been good timing. This is good.

And then one of my teammates came out from behind a car that was like two metres away and went, oh, I'm just going to go back into the bar now. And I'm like,

yep, good. I thought he was going to come out and go. I can kind of understand her logic though because she's probably cheating on me.

Thank you. Have you seen you? No, but like, she's probably thinking, oh, Carl's in a good space. Yeah.

And, you know, it's a good time to drop it because he's got so many other good things going on. So I'd be like, oh, but I kicked a goal tonight, so that's cool, yeah. Yeah, go and have sex with the bartender in there. That's fine. I'm still on a high. I think winning a soccer game and being heartbroken, they pretty much even... Did you still go out or did you have to go home? I think we went home. Why would I want to go

to a bar and drink after that? Oh, that's what I'd do. No, no. I wouldn't. Is this a girl that you eventually broke up with

and then you went and did Last Comic Standing? Or is that a different one? What? No. No, Big Brother. Big Brother. No, no, no.

That was a different one. That was a different one. Did you go on Big Brother? Oh, forget it, Anne. I will nudge you in the way of what, episode 50 or something. Damn good episode, Anne. Damn good episode. Sorry.

Hey, so Tom, last time you were in here, I believe that you were fresh off the back of a pretty raucous night out at the Adelaide Feast Festival. Oh, yeah. And you really set a precedent for appearances there. Have you got anything in the year and a bit since then that can match up to that tale? Have you been in any sex dungeons lately? I went to the Feast Festival again this year and had a great time,

but the sleazeball wasn't on. Oh, it's changed. It's gone commercial. Sleazeball? That sounds awesome. Well, you could listen to the episode. You could appreciate the whole detail. I've got a lot of listening to do.

Yeah, this has been an interesting first episode for you to listen to, slash be in. Yeah, yeah. No, I have listened to a couple of others. I remember now. A couple of others what? You just listened to the radio before. A couple of other podcasts.

Yeah, I listened when Kate McLennan was on and Geraldine Hickey. That's your podcast. That's not ours. By the way, I'm not Husey and that's not Kate. Yes, it is. Well, how about this? How about a bit of mailbag? This came my way via someone alerting me to the fact that there's like a hidden messages

folder in Facebook messaging that I did not know about. What? What? Yeah. Yeah. There's like a, you know, there's like, if you go to messages and then there's like other, there's like other messages and some, it's like a spam folder where it's like, it's mostly messages that you get from like groups or pages that you like.

Oh yeah. Or boys that like you. That's what's going on. Well, you don't speak too soon before you hear the letter. But every now and then, like an actual, like someone actually just sending you a message will sneak through the filter. So here I get this from Camille Joseph. And this is sent at the end of August.

Lord knows you must get this constantly, but first, I love your work on The Little Dumb Dumb Club. You're exceedingly good at keeping things moving along with a pleasant mix of humour and genuine likeability. You wrote this. Imagine my sheer surprise. Love Carl. Imagine my sheer surprise when I realised that you're a dude.

I caught you discussing comments listeners had left about the show and you mentioned that people were always bringing up your high voice. I thought you were just riffing on that when you protested. Here I was thinking you were this amazing chick who was able to hold her own with the boys. Oh my goodness. That is the quote for your festival poster. Can hold her own with the boys.

Guys, there's another two paragraphs if you don't much mind. Keep it moving along, Tommy. Keep it moving along. Come on. You're good at this. Do some classic Daslo-ing. I never put much thought into it, but I think it did cross my mind once or twice that it was odd that female-related topics, especially questions directed at you, the fictitious

female you, that is, didn't seem to come up. I've been listening to the snippets for the show for months. Who knew? So now I think you are this amazing guy and I may well be gay. All the best, brackets, and I do apologise for the misunderstanding. And so I just sort of wrote back and went, hi, I only just found this and I'm not quite sure how to respond. So thanks, I guess.

And then he writes back, yes, there was a compliment in there and you are welcome. Like I said, I really enjoy your work. It's not every comedian can do that kind of heavy lifting. In addition, I'm not suddenly gay. So everything worked out quite conveniently. Did it? Did it really work out?

What was his first name? Camille. Camille Joseph. Camille? Is that a boy's name? I mean, he says like he's a guy, but his picture is of a woman. But then he's saying like- So confusing.

He thinks he's gay because I'm a guy and he likes my- I think the most disturbing part of Camille's message is nothing about me. That is weird, isn't it? Who's that butch lesbian he did the show with? That is bizarre. Tommy. But he knows your name is Tommy. Yeah, that's it.

That's the part that I love. You literally cannot get more than five seconds into the show without hearing my name. And he's Facebooked you going, oh, that's just a joke, the picture on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The sex on there. And he's showing someone's not having a little bit of fun.

Well, that did cross my mind. It could be. How many friends does this person have? Like two? And I've said this before, but I've never seen this. I've never heard the female voice. To me, you sound just like a guy, Tommy. You sound like a man to me.

I mean, the profile reeks of stitch-up. It's completely locked, so you can't see anything about it. There's like a profile pic. You can't see anything on the wall. You can't see any photos. You can't see any info. Are you game to ask him to be friends? I'm going to do it right now.

Good. My new mate. A little bit sexist there too, like the woman who can hold her own with the boys. What? Brutal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very good. Like if you were a girl, would you even be impressed by that or want to hang out with

that person? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Thanks for getting on to me, Camille. Let's say we hang out sometime. I know you're not suddenly gay, but maybe you can be eventually. Just like a slow cook. It takes time.

It does take time. So guys, what are your Christmas plans before we, uh, we're just about out of time, but what are we, what are we doing for Christmas? I was doing some Christmas planning today, which was, um, I was making Christmas shortbreads and I bought you guys. That's not planning. That's actually making bread. I bought you guys in some.

Oh, lovely. This is not a shortbread podcast. This is a comedy, comedy podcast. I bought in two packets of them, but I had to give them away at the bar because I thought the podcast wasn't happening. But here you go. Oh, really? Yeah. So one each.

That's good. Yeah. You can eat them if you want. And they're actually... I brought nothing. I want to say they're well packaged as well. Yeah. They look pretty nice.

It's really nice. Yeah. So, and other than that, I'll just be hanging tough with my family. Probably... Hanging tough? You're family wrestlers. We already had our Christmas extended family a couple of weeks ago and we do the family play.

I do a concert with the kids. For real? Yeah. That's amazing. Family play? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many people are in the play? There's normally like seven kids and me and I'm the main one in it.

No offence, but that reeks of this awful, really intense showbiz family where the parents are forcing the kids into performing. Like from extras. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes. Who writes the play? Is it an original play? Well, last year I wrote it, and I wrote it about this donkey

that only had one eye. But one of the kids kicked the shit out of the donkey halfway through the play because it was a loser with one eye. Did you get a moose head for this? Yeah. So this year we just did like a lot of Christmas carols with the kids. Play it safe. Yeah.

And did you write the carols? Yeah, I wrote just, have you heard Hark the Herald Angels? I wrote that. Yeah. Oh, that's one of yours. Yeah, it's one of mine. Good on you. Yeah, so that's my Christmas done already.

Jesus. I can't compete with that. No. That's amazing. And what about you? No. I was going to say we've got normal done already, Eric. Jesus. I can't compete with that. No. That's amazing. And what about you? No. I was going to say we've got normal families, but yeah. I wrote a play with my brother.

It was a one-man play. What about you, T-Bella? Christmas plans? New Year's plans? I am... What are you doing for New Year's? Do you want to hang out? Are you at Falls?

I'm at Falls Festival. I'm going to be DJing. Is that what you call clang? No. Okay. All right. Sure. Keep Festival. I'm going to be DJing. Is that what you call clang? No. Okay. All right. Sure. Keep going.

What on earth was that? You know, that alien overlord that you guys worship. Jesus. Sorry, Tom. Clang is a name dropping. It's a name dropping. All right. Yeah, no, I'm just saying the family and DJing at Falls and no plays.

What if you turned your DJ set into a play? I'll drop some kissing cows. What if me and Carl turn up and do a nativity scene during your DJ set? That'd be amazing. That'd be good. Talk to the people about that. Talk to the people. That's a metaphor for shut up.

I DJed the other night and I played the Round the Twist theme during my set. Oh, that's great. See, let me ask you this. Did you play the entirety of the Round the Twist theme? Yeah, it goes from minute 37. Okay, because I played, one time I was DJing, and I played Do the Bartman to Rapturous Response for about 20 seconds. But that song goes for five minutes.

And boy, oh boy, did people's enthusiasm run out quickly. No, 137. Nice, quick. And then went into Britney Spears crazy. Get them back. Get them back straight. That's a catchy tune though, around the twist tune. It's amazing.

And people are like, oh my God, I haven't heard this in years. Nostalgia. All right, guys. Well, that brings us to the end of the show for another week. Clang. She's got it. She's got it. The end of the show is a clang Clang. She's got it. She's got it. The end of the show is a clang.

We've name dropped the finish of this. We want to thank you, Anne Edmonds. You got anything coming up to plug? Nah. Short press. Is your show on sale yet? Adelaide will be on sale. Oh, yeah, yeah, my Adelaide Fringe show.

What about your 2012 Christmas play? Yeah, that's true. Adelaide Fringe. I've been in the last two weeks of Adelaide Fringe show. What about your 2012 Christmas play? I don't know. Yeah, that's true. Adelaide Fringe. I've been in the last two weeks of Adelaide Fringe. Tickets are on sale. Plenty of people

from Adelaide listen to this. Do they? Yeah. Oh, hi guys. Come along. It's too bad that you've said you've got nothing to plug

because now you're going to play. Yeah. Tom Ballard, what have you got coming up? My show is on sale and it's called Doing Stuff and Adelaide, Brisbane and I'm pretty sure, I think by the time this goes up, Tom Ballard, what have you got coming up? My show is on sale. It's called Doing Stuff.

And Adelaide, Brisbane. And I'm pretty sure, I think by the time this goes up, Melbourne will be on sale too. And I've seen it coming out soon at this year's show. Awesome. Very tasty, very tasty. Oh, let's mention the t-shirts again. Oh yeah, if you would like an official to combat those bootleg ones that are out there. Don't get them from Thailand.

Get them from this real source. Send us an email, littledumdumclub at gmail.com and we'll be able to hook you up with one of them. Navy or grey. Navy or grey. Small through to extra large. Hit us up. Pictures are on Twitter and Facebook. If you sweat heaps, don't get grey.

Yes. Good advice. My tip. Good advice. Thanks very much for listening. Get at us on Facebook, littledumdumb Club, Twitter, at Dumb Dumb Club. If you want to email us, littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com. And we will see you next time.

See you, mates. I don't know that ending.