The Liz Moody Podcast - 10 Micro Habits To Transform Your Friendships And Relationship (They're All Under 60 Seconds!)

Starting point is 00:00:00 An 80-year-long Harvard study the longest study ever conducted in the world found that the single biggest predictor of health and happiness in our lives is the quality of our relationships. But we are all busy. We're all tired. We're all overworked. So today we're getting into the micro-habits, the teeny tiny science-backed things that we can all do to make our romantic relationships and our friendships and our friendships stronger. I love these because they feel really good in the moment, like who doesn't love the feeling of being in an incredible friendship, an incredible romantic, relationship, and they also set us up to live longer to have lower inflammation levels, to have lower stress levels. Welcome to the Liz Moody podcast where we share science-backed tools and

Starting point is 00:00:45 tips to empower you to live your best life, but we do it in a way that's fun, that makes space for emotions, that makes space for vulnerability, and the actual realities of our real everyday lives. First of all, I just want to give a quick shout out to microhabits. I have so many episodes about micro habits because there is so much science that shows that one of the key secrets to getting habits to stick is to make them far easier to lower the bar. Microhabits are these teeny tiny actions that are both effective because they actually work, but also because you're actually going to stick to them over time. So your results are just going to compound.

Starting point is 00:01:23 Also, one of my favorite tips in the world is to listen to podcasts with or even just near somebody that you want to hear the messages of that podcast. It's such a good conversation starter or just something, you know, for somebody too casually over here while they're cooking dinner. I will say from the top that this is a really great one to do that with, whether it's your friends or your romantic partner. You will get really great results on your own, but obviously this is even better if you can get them doing all of these things too. All right, so we're going to count them down. I will do my number five micro habit for relationships and then for friendship and then we'll go back and forth until we get to my number one, my absolute top micro habit for both romantic relationships

Starting point is 00:02:04 and for friendship. Jumping right in at number five for friendship, we have one of my favorite things on the planet. Have you heard of positive gossip? Basically, the idea is that you talk about your friends, but instead of saying mean things, you essentially talk about how great they are. You know when you're out with a group of friends and you know something amazing about one of them and you tell the group like Jessica's being really humble about her swimming, but she was actually a junior Olympian. You can do this in front of them or behind their back. You are essentially spreading the good word about how great your friends are. It obviously bonds you to the person that you're talking about if they hear it because it's essentially a compliment. It is a compliment. But what is

Starting point is 00:02:44 interesting is that even if they are not there, it bonds you to the person that you are talking to. And it makes the person doing the gossip feel really, really good too. So it's just a really good vibe spreader all around. Positive gossip. Try it out. Number five for romantic relationships. Micro curiosity. Doctors John and Julie Gottman are some of the top relationship researchers in the world.

Starting point is 00:03:08 And they found one of the single most important things for keeping a relationship healthy was meeting each other's bids. The classic example that they use is one partner is staring out the window and they're like, come look at this bird. And then the partners that come and look at the bird end up in happier relationships than the couples who ignore the request or like, why would I care about a bird? And I am not a big bird girl, although I guess to the point of this, I would come and look at the bird if Zach asked me to. But when I thought about this in terms of like memes and texts, it was such an aha moment. Like, oh, those are bids. Those are somebody saying, I am thinking of you. I am in.

Starting point is 00:03:49 interested in this thing. They are tiny requests to connect. And when I just ignore them, I'm saying I don't want to connect. Microcuriosity is just a tiny tool to help us meet each other's bids. So if Zach is telling me about a science fiction novel he's reading, I ask one question about it. I am microcurious. If he's telling me about some AI thing or article that he read, I ask one question. Dr. Arthur, Aaron, who's the psychologist behind the famous 36 questions that make you fall in love, found that curiosity is one of the fastest ways to reignite closeness. And here's the thing. If I actually make myself listen to what Zach is saying, if I sat down my phone and focus so that I am preparing myself to ask that one question, I find myself generally interested in what he's talking about

Starting point is 00:04:38 and then we connect in far deeper and greater ways. So this is just a reminder to take the second to open that door of curiosity in your own brain, even if it's something that you think is boring or you've heard about a zillion times before. Bring that micro curiosity in. Use it as an opportunity to connect. Number four for friendship. Have a tiny ritual together. This can be in person or even just a text or phone ritual.

Starting point is 00:05:05 I know two people who at the end of every single week they send. five photos from the week to each other. There doesn't have to be any context or any more than that. It's just five photos. It lets them feel connected to each other. It lets them stay up on each other's lives. I have another friend who folds laundry over Zoom with one of her friends every Sunday and they catch up. And it makes this deeply unpleasant task far more fun. I hate laundry. Maybe it's not deeply unpleasant for you. I think folding laundry is like the worst thing to do in the world. I know somebody who does her gratitude practice by text with one of her friends. every day. I have a friend that I meet for a matcha every Monday as a way to kickstart our week

Starting point is 00:05:43 with something that we look forward to. And I have another friend that I meet for sauna sessions. The goal is just to have it be regular. Like for it to count for this micro habit, you cannot be deciding to get a matcha and then texting about it and being like, hey, do you want to come get a macho with me? This is a repeated ritual that you can count on, that you can eliminate decision fatigue around, that you can have slotted into your schedule. So try adding just one. tiny ritual in and see how it impacts your friendships. At number four for romantic relationships, we have the 20 second hug. Studies have found that holding a hug for about 20 seconds floods our bodies with oxytocin. It reduces our cortisol levels and it lowers our blood

Starting point is 00:06:25 pressure. Shorter hugs do not have that same physical effect. Your body needs those 20 seconds to shift into a safety mode, which I think we can all feel. When you really hold a hug, when you lean into it, it takes a second, but then your body just relaxes into it. It melts into it. We are all living our lives in overly stressed out states, which is causing us to think less well. It's causing inflammation. It's causing all sorts of health problems. And we're trying to find time to sneak in all these stress relieving activities like meditating and working out. And this is one of the best ways to reduce stress and it takes just 20 seconds and it works on both of you at the same time. You can do it at the beginning of the day and reap the benefits all day long, or you can do it

Starting point is 00:07:10 before bed, which it can help you get amazing sleep. When you think about strength and resilience, like your ability to feel energized, to recover well, to stay strong as you get older, what do you think that actually comes from? Most people say working out are good nutrition, and yes, of course that matters. But there is a biological foundation underneath all of that that most people are completely overlooking. I have been diving deep into this lately with the team at timeline and what I've learned has genuinely shifted how I think about my own health. Every single movement that your body makes every step, every workout, every muscle contraction depends on energy produced at the cellular level.

Starting point is 00:07:49 And at the center of that is your mitochondria. Here's the thing that nobody tells you, certainly nobody told me, starting around age 30, our mitochondria naturally become less efficient, more get damaged, more become sluggish. And over time, that is, impacts your energy, your strength, your recovery, and your resilience. Most of us respond by pushing more. We're like noticing these things and we're adding in more protein. We're trying to fix it with more supplements. We're trying to do harder workouts. And those things do help. But timelines research suggests that we also need to be supporting the cellular machinery underneath. And that is exactly what their supplement, Mitopure does. It contains Erolithin A, which helps your body clear out

Starting point is 00:08:30 damage mitochondria and support healthier ones so that your cells can produce energy more efficiently. Because this is happening to your cells, it's going to impact your entire body, your immune system, your muscles. One study found that taking mitochondure increased muscle strength by 12% in four months with no change in exercise routine, it's going to impact your energy, your sleep, your skin, your cell health impacts all of this, and urolithin-A keeps your cells healthy. Timeline has done over 15 years of research and testing on this one product, Eurolithna, which, by the way, most of us lack the gut bacteria to synthesize naturally. That's why many of us need to supplement it to get the benefits. This has become a staple supplement for me. It is my top way to support how I want to look and feel as I age.

Starting point is 00:09:16 Support yourselves and how you age with mitopure gummies from Timeline. Visit Timeline.com slash Liz and save up to 39% on your mitochondopure gummies. That is timeline.com slash Liz. The number one rule of habits is to make the things that you want easier and the things that you don't want harder. Yet so many of us want to eat healthier, but so few of us actually take the steps to make eating healthier easier. That's where Marley Spoon comes in. What I love about this company and what's different than all of the other companies out there that are doing stuff in the same arena, is that you can customize your choices based on the effort that you want to put in.

Starting point is 00:09:55 So if you want them to send you ingredients, so you can make your own 20-minute meal and get into your chef, energy, they'll send it to you to all be in perfect portions so you'll eliminate waste. Great, that's sorted. But they also have meals that you can just heat up. They have ready-made breakfast, which is always such a tough time of day to get a healthy meal in. They have grab and go snacks. Everything is made from farm-fresh produce with high-quality proteins and you can select by dietary preferences, including Mediterranean diet, which is the top diet that doctors on this podcast recommend. Also, those things like gluten-free, dairy-free, low-sodium, anything that you need. The food is so good and it's so gourmet-feeling like you feel like you're at a nice restaurant.

Starting point is 00:10:35 We're talking like chicken Milanese with a crunchy cucumber arugula salad or everything bagel salmon with truffle chive potatoes. My favorite recent meal was the creamy lemon chicken tray bake. I had one of those moments where I looked at my plate and I was like, wait, I made this and so quickly, like so easily. It's just so little effort for so much reward. Marley Spoon just makes eating well feel easy instead of stressful, and honestly, that is everything. This new year, fast track your way to eating well with Marley Spoon.

Starting point is 00:11:05 Head to Marley Spoon.com slash offer slash Liz Moody for up to 25 free meals. That is right, up to 25 free meals with Marley Spoon. That is Marley Spoon.com slash offer slash Liz Moody. So remember to get the offer in there. Marley Spoon.com slash offer slash Liz Moody for up to 25. free meals. When it comes to wellness, you're going to get the best results by focusing on the big needle movers. A lot of us spend a lot of time trying to optimize that last 1%, which creates a ton of stress and it actually doesn't help our help that much. At the top of the needle mover list,

Starting point is 00:11:42 sleep. And one of the best ways to optimize your sleep is to optimize your mattress, which is why I love avocado green mattress so much. First of all, this mattress is so comfortable. I have the one with the pillow top, which is medium firm, and it's just so. a dream. I miss it when I travel. It's better than even the fanciest hotel beds. Having a mattress that supports your joints and your body and feels good is going to help you get more sleep and better quality sleep. But then, on top of that, avocado mattresses are made with certified organic cotton, wool, and latex, and they are made safe and green guard gold certified. They're also Okotech certified, which is the gold standard. I look for it in any mattresses, sheets, or towels that I buy,

Starting point is 00:12:22 which means the materials have been rigorously tested for harmful substances. You can actually look for the Okotech standard 100 label right on the product, and I love this part. It includes a traceable certificate number and the name of the testing lab so you know exactly what you're getting. There are no toxic chemicals. There's no harmful off-gassing. It does not smell like it's going to kill you when you unbox it. This is what I mean. I'm not going to swap out all of my clothing, which is that top 1% of optimization.

Starting point is 00:12:49 But by making sure that my mattress and my bedding are as good. for me as possible, I literally reduce my exposure during a third of my life, which is a huge needle mover for a one-time swap. I will also note, and this is a me thing, but I sleep super hot and avocado's materials are really breathable, and it makes me sweat the least of any mattress that I have slept on. And avocado is a certified B-Corp and a 1% for the planet member because caring for yourself and caring for the planet do not have to be separate things. You can get up to 20% off organic mattresses and more by shopping Avocados President's Day sale right now at avocadogreenmatress.com. That is avocadogreenmatress.com. No code needed. At number three for friendship, and this could go

Starting point is 00:13:36 with the ritual one from number four is send voice notes. There are so many studies that show that we feel a much higher sense of connection when we hear somebody's voice versus just read a text. And I personally think that voice notes are one of the best uses of technology that exists. Like, I can't believe we didn't have voice notes for so long. And you can make it into one of your rituals. Like, I have a friend where I pull one of our conversation starter cards every Saturday. We have a conversation starter card company, but you can also just like find conversation starters on the internet. And I'll take a picture of the card and I'll send it on our chat. And then we both send a voice note of our answer. And that way, we're always deepening our friendship.

Starting point is 00:14:17 it sparks such good, like real conversations instead of when you fall into that rut of only reporting on your life being like, well, this happened today, this happened this week. But you don't need to have a ritual around it. Even just a like thinking of you voice note goes a really long way. The key here is to use your voice instead of just sending written messages. At number three, four romantic relationships. We have got what I call one thing right. This is based around research around what's called priming, which is basically tagging things. in your brain that you want it to pay attention to. This is essentially the neuroscience behind why manifestation works, which I have an entire episode about that I can link to. And here we are using

Starting point is 00:14:58 it to manifest amazing relationships. So here is what you are going to do. Each day, tell yourself to look out for one thing that you really love or appreciate about your partner. A lot of times in relationships, we end up noticing all of the annoying things that our partner does. There are socks on the floor, the way that they breathe. We are looking out for those annoying things all of the time. And in doing so, we're actually priming our brain to notice more annoying things. One thing right primes your brain in the opposite direction. Because your partner has all of these amazing qualities, there is a reason that you fell in love with this person. So by saying, okay, I'm going to find one good thing today. You're telling your brain that it's important for you to

Starting point is 00:15:45 notice those things. And then your brain is going to look out for them. And when you start noticing them, you're going to start engaging with your partner differently. And that's going to make these things more likely to happen. This is manifestation. It can be a really sweet way that they interact with your kid. It can be how badass they sound on a work call. I love overhearing Zach on work calls. I'm like, who is this person? This is hot. It can be how their muscles look in a new shirt or the way that they bring you water in bed without you even asking, which Zach does for me every single night and it's so lovely. So you're just priming your brain. You're telling your brain to look out for these things. It is one good thing. It will literally rewire your brain in a way that will

Starting point is 00:16:26 transform your relationship. At number two for friendship, we've got keep a note of the stuff that they tell you on your phone. This is one of my absolute favorite hacks for making your friends feel seen and heard and listen to. I started off doing it for presence. Like if a friend mentioned something that they loved. I'd put it in a little note in my phone as a reminder. So when the holidays or their birthday rolled around, I wasn't just shooting in the dark and I could get them something that was actually like meaningful and important. But then I realized I could use it for all of the little things in their life. So if a friend had a promotion that they were going for, I would put it in a little note or if they mentioned that they're learning tennis. I would just write that down in a little note on my

Starting point is 00:17:08 phone. So then I can follow up. I can say, how is tennis going? Or did you ever talk to your boss about that promotion. And I'm going to remember a lot of this stuff organically. Like, I am paying attention. I know what's going on in my friend's lives before you're all like, oh my gosh, she's a terrible friend. But it's funny. Even when I do not consult the note later, writing it down actually makes me much more likely to remember it. And look, we are all busy people. We have a lot going on. So this is just a little tool to make sure that our friends feel our love, that they feel our attention. Sometimes I will even go as far as to put a little calendar reminder in, like so-and-so had a first date that they were really excited about tonight, send her a text to see how it went.

Starting point is 00:17:51 We put so many other things into our reminders, into our notes, into our calendars. This is just a really tiny way of giving our friendships that same space in our phones and in our brains and in our lives. At number two, four romantic relationships. We have flirt all day. A firm, firm belief of mine is that one reason so many of us are not having the amazing sex that we want to have is because we basically get in bed at night after treating our partner like a work colleague essentially all day, after being stressed out all day, and then we somehow expect to go from zero to 60,

Starting point is 00:18:27 to be suddenly turned on and want to be hot and heavy with them. Flirting all day is one way of just warming up the car. Send a little flirty text, maybe a midday nude, whatever floats your boat, touch their arm or their butt when you walk by them, tell them that they look good. Just bring that really playful, flirty energy in all day long. I love this because, one, it makes our days feel more fun and exciting and just like light and enjoyable. But it also establishes you as romantic partners all day long. So when you actually want to have sex, you are far more primed to be in that state. And drum roll please, we have made it to our number one.

Starting point is 00:19:09 micro habit for friendship, give a specific compliment. We are friends with people for a reason. It's because we love certain qualities about them or we cherish certain memories that we have together. One of my life mantras is something that I stole from the New York City subway system. If you see something, say something. We love all of these things about our friends, but we rarely tell them and what a gift it is to get to see ourselves through somebody who loves us as eyes. And I try to be really specific with these. I told a friend recently how inspired I was by the way that she brought rituals and routines into her life. I told another one how brave I thought that a recent life choice that she made was. My sister has been becoming this amazing psychologist over the years and it's been such a joy

Starting point is 00:19:54 to see her thought processes change to see her learn and grow and evolve in her career. And after literally months of thinking it, I was like, wait, I don't know if she knows that I am thinking this. So I told her, if you see something something. something. It'll make your friends feel so lovely. It'll strengthen your relationships. It'll make them feel known and just cared for in a really special way. If you see something, say something. And last, but very much not least, my number one micro habit for romantic relationships. Say thank you. A study from the University of Georgia found that gratitude is the single greatest predictor of relationship satisfaction. This goes with the one thing right that we talked about earlier. Now that you're a

Starting point is 00:20:38 to everything wonderful that your partner is doing, give them a quick thank you for it. Thanks for giving me advice about that work situation. Thank you for picking up the groceries. Thank you for planning such a lovely Saturday activity. Even if they are doing the things that we are all supposed to be doing are part of the load, it still feels good to be appreciated for them. And it makes us much more likely and happy to do those things in the future. You can also ask your partner for this, you can be like, hey, I would love for both of us to express a bit more appreciation for each other. Can we both try to say thank you for one thing a day? And again, like the one thing, right, micro habit, that keeps you on the lookout for the good things, which wires your brain to

Starting point is 00:21:21 see more good things. And expressing appreciation feels good and of course receiving it feels amazing. So you will just be racking up winds all over the place. As always, please, please, please do not try to do everything that we talked about in this episode, trust that your brain took in everything here and it'll pull these tools out when you need them and maybe just actively pick one thing to experiment with. Which one resonates with you the most? And also, do you agree with my order? Are there micro habits that you use to make your friendships or your romantic relationships stronger? Tell me in the comments, I really want to know. And if you try anything, come back and share your success stories. Send this episode to your partner, to your friends, and let's

Starting point is 00:22:04 all give our relationships the same importance, the same effort as the rest of our lives. And if you are new here, or even if you're not, take a quick second to hit that subscribe or follow button. We have new episodes on Spotify, Apple, and YouTube every Monday and Wednesday. Mondays are short solos with tips and stories from me like this episode. And then Wednesdays are longer episodes where I sit down with one of the world's leading experts to dive deep into a subject. I know that 50% of you listening right now are not following, and it is the best way to both support the podcast and make sure that you never miss out on an episode that could change your life. You can find all of my favorite partner codes from the

Starting point is 00:22:45 skincare that I swear by to the creatine and the fish oil that I take every day, the workout that I do every day at Liz Moody.com slash codes. Supporting our brand partners keeps our show completely free for you. And it allows you to save money on products that I've vetted that I really, really believe in. All right, I love you guys. I'm cheering for all of our relationships and I will see you on the next episode of the Liz Moody podcast. Oh, just one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, a psychotherapist, or any other qualified professional. If you have headaches, allergies, brain fog, skin irritation, or you've been dealing with hormone issues, you are

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The Liz Moody Podcast - 10 Micro Habits To Transform Your Friendships And Relationship (They're All Under 60 Seconds!)

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