The Liz Moody Podcast - 3 Things To STOP Doing In Your 20s & 30s To Be Happier, Healthier & Wealthier

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello, friends, and welcome to the Liz Moody podcast, where every week we are sharing real science, real stories, and realistic tools that actually level up every part of your life. I'm your host, Liz Moody, and I'm a best-selling author and longtime journalist. In today's episode, I'm going to share three things to stop doing in your 20s and 30s to be happier, healthier, and wealthier. Last week, we shared three things to start doing in your 20s and 30s, and you definitely don't have to listen to that one first. But I recommend queuing it up after this one if you missed it because there's a ton of valuable

Starting point is 00:00:33 information in there that you will not hear anywhere else. These things to stop are based on years of interviewing high performers and world class experts. And also, they're just all the things that I wish I had known earlier. So please learn from my mistakes so you do not have to make them yourself. And also, if you're in your 40s, your 50s, or beyond, there's still going to be a ton of good stuff in here for you. These are lessons that many of us.

Starting point is 00:00:58 us are still learning throughout our lives. And also, there will be a ton of wisdom that you can share with your kids, with nephews, with nieces, with younger friends. Let's jump right in with things to stop doing in your 20s. I'm just going to be so blunt right out the gate. You need to stop spending so much time on your phone and particularly scrolling on social media. This is the root cause of so many of our life problems. And honestly, it truly sucks that this is a problem. Previous generations did not have to deal with in the same way. But scrolling on social media is making us compare our lives to other people's, which makes us feel like our lives aren't enough. It's making us buy things that we don't want, which is blowing our budgets. It's making us terrified

Starting point is 00:01:41 about the world because instead of choosing when we want to consume fear-filled news, the algorithms are choosing when we consume it. So we can be laying in bed, feeling peaceful, and then bam. Suddenly, there's a news post in our feed and it spikes our adrenaline and it makes us feel really panicking. This is actually a really important micro tip. If you do nothing else after listening to this episode, do this one thing. Actively seek out your news. Do not let your news seek you out. You can still get all of the information, whether it's on legacy media or on podcasts or social media accounts. Just make a list of the ones that you want to check in on and then set a time to check in when you are prepared to digest the information and take action steps. Right now,

Starting point is 00:02:26 so many of us are bombarded with so much information at such unhelpful times that it is putting us into freeze mode. And we are letting people hijack our attention and hijack our emotions under the guise of being good citizens while ironically it's making us far less likely to take action. Choose when you consume your news. Do it on your own terms. It will drastically change your mental health, and it'll lead to you being far more likely to process and digest the things that are important and take action on the things that matter. Okay, that was a digression, but an important one and one that I feel really, really strongly about. It's actually wild when you think about how we consume news. It's like people come into our house and they shout these really

Starting point is 00:03:09 emotionally activating things at us whenever they feel like it throughout the day. Okay, going back, other negative impacts that our phones are having. They are messing with our neural chemistry. making it harder for us to feel pleasure and motivation in our daily lives. They are messing with our ability to actually enjoy being around people in our lives. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen people out at a restaurant or I have even been out with friends and they are scrolling instead of talking to each other or to me. I have a friend who's a high school teacher and he says in the cafeteria these days, it's just silent because everyone is on their phones watching videos with headphones in

Starting point is 00:03:49 and it is just such an eerie thing to picture. And here's the thing that I think a lot of people miss when they say we need to get off our phones. It's hard. One of the huge reasons that we default to being on our phones is because it's way easier to passively consume social media content than to actively make a conversation with someone. Making conversation comes with pressure. It comes with potential judgment. Your brain has to work so much harder.

Starting point is 00:04:17 And guess what? Not despite all of those things, but because of them, it is so, so worth it. We need to acknowledge that doing anything other than social media is going to be harder. Reading a book is going to be harder. Making plans with a friend is going to be harder. Going for a walk is going to be harder. And we need to do it anyway because in the long run, the hard of choosing to scroll is so much worse. It is making us anxious. It is making us depressed. It is making us lonely. And we are going to wake up in our 80s and realize that we have scrolled away literally decades of our lives. We get to choose our heart. Choose the hard that will make you feel so much better in the long run. I have an entire episode about overcoming phone addiction with lots of science-backed tricks that work really quickly. And I will link that in the show notes. But for now, I just want you to do the real math.

Starting point is 00:05:16 what are you gaining from scrolling and what is it costing you? And are you willing to pay that price? Even the smallest steps can make a huge difference, only having your phone in your purse when you're hanging out with friends or creating no scrolling hours for yourself. Just play around, try some stuff that works for you and just make sure that you are doing the math. The next thing that I want you to stop in your 20s is being friends with people who make you feel bad about yourself. And before you're like, Liz, why would I be friends with people who make me feel bad about myself? I want you to really think about how you feel when you hang out with your friends. Do you feel like you can take on the world? Do you feel like you love your body or at the very least just feel neutral about it? Do you feel

Starting point is 00:06:02 happy for their wins and like they are happy for yours? Do they support your relationships? Or do they encourage you to talk shit about your partner to feel closer to your friends? Do they make you feel insecure about your body, either because of the things that they say about your body or how they treat their own. Do they make you feel like you have to spend money that you don't actually have? Our 20s are a time in our life where we often have leftover relationships, relationships board of convenience that don't represent who we are or who we're trying to be. Maybe it's a dorm room friend or someone that you worked at your first job with. Or maybe you've just changed. You've decided to leave your party girl years behind or you've realized that you've been living a

Starting point is 00:06:45 life that looks good and now you want to live a life that feels good. But it is so, so key to notice these things and to make a change because the people that you surround yourself with are the people who create your vision of the world. They're the people who calibrate what is possible for your dreams in your life. If you have friends who believe that success is possible, that belief rubs off on you. And if you have friends who believe that everything is an uphill battle, that it's all going to turn out badly no matter what you do? Well, guess what you're going to start believing? And guess what's going to start penetrating your subconscious and infiltrating your actions? Your friends can also make your daily habits extremely easy or extremely hard.

Starting point is 00:07:28 You can focus on your health when you're in a group of binge drinkers, but you will feel like you are swimming against the current the entire time. If you want to take on a new habit, the single way to make it easier is to surround yourself with people already doing it. that habit. If you want to eat well, surround yourself with people who are excited about farmers' markets, who want to test out a salad recipe that they saw on social media on a Saturday night. If you want to work out, surround yourself with people who are going to invite you on hikes and who want to go to the gym so you can gossip between sets together. We are social creatures. We are evolutionarily hardwired to fit in. Bottom line, your friends are a huge part of who you become and your

Starting point is 00:08:10 20s are the decade of becoming. Choose your friends wisely. That said, the last thing that I want you to stop doing in your 20s is putting pressure on yourself. If this feels contradictory to what I just said, it's not, because I want you to take the pressure off of having to make this dream friend group that you'll have for life that exists mostly in social media photos where they are definitely fighting in the group chat behind the scenes. I want you to experiment. Your 20s is the best time to try hanging out with people that you had never considered being friends with because this is how you figure out who you love and who you want to fill your time with. It's the best time to try new jobs or try living in new cities. And yes, you can 100% do all of this at other times in your life,

Starting point is 00:08:55 but the consequences in your 20s are so much lower. Your 20s are the ideal time to take risks. And one of the biggest things that keeps people from taking those risks is this bullshit story. of where you should be. Shoulds are bullshit rules created by other people to make themselves feel better about their own choices. Take chances, relish the bad dates. Once you have a life partner, you won't get to share the weird stories and laugh about them with your friends later. The parts of your life that feel the most off the rails are the parts that you are going to miss the most, because as you get older, your life naturally falls more on track, and you miss waking up and not knowing where the train is going to go every day. And maybe that metaphor is too extended,

Starting point is 00:09:44 but on behalf of everyone in their 30s and 40s and 50s, enjoy the mess. Your 20s is such a delightful time to embrace messiness. And if you're worried about how that mess is going to impact your future, first of all, that experimentation is going to give you so many more options for the future. And second, just spin it. A huge mistake that a ton of people make with resumes, and cover letters is just straightforwardly listing all of their previous work experiences, when really it is an opportunity to take your previous experience and piece together a story of why you are a great fit for the job that you're applying for. Take your real experience and turn it into a narrative that's in your favor.

Starting point is 00:10:28 That time that you spent working at a hostel in Greece, were you learning hospitality skills, where you managing numerous varied personalities from different cultures and backgrounds, there is value in almost every life experience and teasing out that value is going to open up so many possibilities for you. Look, I'm never going to make everything that I wear organic, but your sheets, your pillows, your comforter are literally touching your skin for eight hours every single night. That is a third of your life right there with one simple swap. And if your betting is worn out, it's trapping heat, or it's

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Starting point is 00:14:49 Most people say working out are good nutrition. And yes, of course that matters. but there is a biological foundation underneath all of that that most people are completely overlooking. I have been diving deep into this lately with the team at timeline and what I've learned has genuinely shifted how I think about my own health. Every single movement that your body makes, every step, every workout, every muscle contraction depends on energy produced at the cellular level. And at the center of that is your mitochondria. Here is the thing that nobody tells you, certainly nobody told me, starting around age 30, are mitochondria.

Starting point is 00:15:23 and naturally become less efficient. More get damaged, more become sluggish, and over time that impacts your energy, your strength, your recovery, and your resilience. Most of us respond by pushing more. We're like noticing these things, and we're adding in more protein. We're trying to fix it with more supplements.

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Starting point is 00:17:25 stop doing in your 30s is limiting yourself. In our 30s, we are much more settled into our identities, which can be amazing. Knowing what you want and what you like is incredibly empowering. Just getting to know yourself better as a human being is incredibly empowering. But the flip side of that is when you box yourself in because of that identity that you have grown comfortable in. I have a great girlfriend who had an amazing idea for a company, but she didn't let herself start that company because that ship had sailed. She thought she was too old to be an entrepreneur. She thought she had already chosen her path in life. I have another friend who would always ask me about my backpacking days in Europe. And finally, I was like, you know, you should go

Starting point is 00:18:08 backpack around Europe. You would love it. And she was like, absolutely not. That kind of thing is for somebody in their 20s. Can you imagine the way that they would look at me at the hospital? And first of all, you don't have to stay in hostels. There are a million other budget alternatives. But second, they would probably look at you like you were badass or like you were a normal human being and they would ask you normal human questions about what sites you plan to visit and what countries you've been to. Or, let's be really honest, most of them probably wouldn't look at you at all. People are just way too focused on themselves to care at all what other people are doing. Spin your narrative to fit what they want and then apply. We so often conflate the things that we do

Starting point is 00:18:51 with who we are, and this applies for hobbies and interests too. Maybe you weren't a person who liked watching sports, and you are now. That's me. I'm talking about me there. Maybe you didn't used to like reading. Have you tried it lately? Have you tried Brussels sprouts? Have you tried beach vacations? Give yourself the chance to evolve and to grow. And while we are we, at it, can we stop making excuses? Can we stop listing all of the reasons why we cannot make it to the gym or why we cannot learn guitar and start listing the reasons why we should and why we can? You are in your 30s. Let's cut the bullshit. Yes, outside factors exist, but by your 30s, it's time to take real responsibility for the many, many ways your choices have shaped your life and continue to

Starting point is 00:19:41 shape it to this day. I am not saying that you didn't have childhood trauma. I am not saying that you don't have student loans while other people were gifted houses or companies. I'm saying it is what it is. Now, what are you going to do about it? Your 30s are the time to get really, really clear on the power that you do have to make the changes that you want. Your 30s are the time to stop dwelling on what isn't and start doing the absolute best that you can with what is. The next thing that you can, the next thing I want you to stop doing in your 30s is making health choices that you know make you feel bad. Stop eating the foods that make your stomach hurt every single time. Stop drinking to the point where you have a less fun night and then you feel awful the next day.

Starting point is 00:20:25 Stop rotting in bed when you know that taking a walk in the fresh air will make you feel so much more rejuvenated. If you vape or if you smoke, please, please, for the love of all things holy, stop doing that. It is one thing when you're in your 20s and you think that you're invincible, but now all of our frontal lobes are fully developed and we know that we are not in fact invincible and we need to act like it. And honestly, if I could go back to my 20s and take the whippets that I was doing out of my mouth and I could recoup all of those brain cells, I absolutely would. So maybe if you're in your 20s, listen to this too, although I definitely would not have. So do what you will. My personal big focus in the past few years with my health has been to protect my long-term health

Starting point is 00:21:12 as much as possible. So whenever any cancer research comes out, I am paying attention. I am integrating those action steps because young people are getting cancer at unprecedented rates. And then my second focus right after that is energy, which is the unlock to the rest of life that no one is talking about. Energy is the thing that lets us show up at work. It lets us show up in our relationship.

Starting point is 00:21:35 it lets us show up for ourselves. I have a whole episode about energy why so many of us are lacking it and how to get it back. I can link that in the show notes and I highly recommend listening. In my 20s, though, I could stay out all night drinking and then just roll into work the next day. I cannot do that anymore. I cannot be the person that I want to be without energy, so I take my energy really seriously. The things that help me the most are eating blood sugar balanced meals, moving through, throughout the day, like taking a movement break at least every hour or so, that is harder to do

Starting point is 00:22:11 than you would think. Just set a timer every single hour and try to move and then not drinking and staying off social media as much as possible. We think social media is giving us a break, but it is actually making us less refreshed and restored than before we started scrolling because of the emotional boomerangs and the attention-sapping nature of the apps. Social media is a huge energy suck that I think a lot of us don't think about when we're thinking about energy. But bottom line, stop doing the things that don't make you feel the way that you want to feel and take feeling good really seriously. Our health only gets harder to manage as we age and laying a good foundation now sets us up for a much easier future. The last thing that I want

Starting point is 00:22:57 you to stop doing in your 30s is feeling behind in life. Our 30s are famous for this because our paths diverge so much from the people around us. Some of us are partying every night. We're flying to Mexico on a whim while others are chasing a toddler around a park. Some of us live in apartments with roommates while others own our own houses. And because everyone is doing such different things, it can be really easy to compare our lives to the lives of the people around us and feel like we're behind. I just want to be so clear on this. You are not behind. There is no behind because that would mean life is a race. And if life is a race, the finish line is what? Death? So many of us spend so much time rushing toward the next thing. I'll be happy if I get engaged. I'll be happy if I have a baby. I'll be happy if I get a house. I'll be happy if I have this much money. And research shows that's not true. We get to those places and then we move our benchmark. So a new thing becomes the thing that if we only had it, we would finally be happy. I see this in so many incredibly successful people that I know. They work for years towards a goal, like

Starting point is 00:24:09 selling their company. And then they do it and they have millions of dollars in their bank account and they not only don't feel as happy as they expected to, but they spiral into a deep depression. Because of that thing that they always told themselves would make them happy, doesn't? Well, what's left? This famously happens to Olympic athletes and Oscar winning actors as well. it's happened to me as I've achieved levels of success in my career that I only dreamed about. As I published my dream book, I move the benchmark and I say, yes, but look how many people that podcast reaches. I'm not proud of it and I don't want it to happen, but it's the way that our brains work. We adjust to our current circumstances. It's what makes us resilient. It's what

Starting point is 00:24:57 makes us so good at living through incredibly hard times, but it can also work against us. Wherever you are right now, what can you do to enjoy it? What can you do to savor this exact moment of your life? What can you do to embrace the process versus a finish line? The last thing that I want to talk about here that makes us feel behind in life is that I think that we have been sold a lie, that we can have it all. And it's hurting us immensely. Our 30s are a time where a lot is going on. It's when we're gaining real power in our careers. And it's also when we are having to make real fertility choices. And I have been spinning my brain in circles trying to figure out if I want to have a baby and if I do want to, how that fits in with a career where relevancy is everything and there are zero maternity leaves.

Starting point is 00:25:53 and thinking that something is wrong with me because I cannot find a solution. And this is a maybe unpopular opinion, but there isn't always a solution and that's okay. If I choose to have a kid, my career might take a hit. There's research that shows that women's earnings are 35% lower over the course of their lifetime if they choose to have children. That is more than a third lower. Women lose valuable promotions if they have children. and they get passed over for projects.

Starting point is 00:26:25 And yes, partners are getting better at sharing the burden. But even now, studies show that most of the mental load still falls on women, and that is outside of the physical burden of pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum. And at the same time, I have friends who have chosen their careers, who are now in their 40s and none of their frozen eggs are working and they're having real fertility issues, which of course can happen at any age, but there's also real data on different our fertility is in our early 40s than it is in our early 30s. And it honestly sucks. And the thing that I have found the most peace in is recognizing that I cannot have it all and I

Starting point is 00:27:06 need to figure out what I value. It is wildly unfair that women need to do that so much more than men, but it is also reality. And the more that we deny what is, the more we set ourselves up to suffer. The lie that we can have it all keeps us overworked and burnt out and unhappy. And part of not feeling behind in life is feeling confident in the choices that you're making, knowing the pros and cons of them and knowing that they were the right choices for you regardless. Okay, that was a lot. I could honestly do a million more of these, so let me know if you want more things to start or to stop in your 20s and 30s. And also make sure that you head over to Liz Moody.substack.com for key action steps from this episode. And also from last Monday's

Starting point is 00:27:54 episode, we have a whole list of blood tests and labs to ask your doctor to run to get a real picture of your health. That's at lizmoody.substack.com. And if you found this episode helpful, please share it with somebody that you think it would help to your kids, your parents, your friends, your coworkers. I know that you know somebody in their 20s or 30s or their 40s or their 50s or 60s who would benefit and you sharing the podcast is the thing that lets us keep producing amazing content for you. We recently hit number three of all health podcasts on Spotify, which I have never seen a female podcast do, and I am so, so grateful for.

Starting point is 00:28:36 And that was 100% because of you guys sharing the episodes. It is so appreciated and it makes such a huge difference. So please just send one link to one person in your life. Next week for the solo Monday episode, I am sharing nine questions to improve every relationship in your life. So make sure that you hit the follow button on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, or wherever you listen. So it shows up right in your feed because it is packed with information that you will not hear anywhere else. You can also watch full video episodes on Spotify and on YouTube. So if you're watching, hello, do you like my new chair? I really like it. It's been much

Starting point is 00:29:15 more comfy to sit here this whole time. You can also come hang out on Instagram. I am at Liz Moody. I share tons of inspiring and always very real content. And I also share exactly how I am using everything that we learn on the podcast in my real life. Okay, I love you and I will see you on the next episode of the Liz Moody podcast. Oh, just one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, a psychotherapist, or any other qualified professional. I very rarely get genuinely excited about skincare, but this is one of the most innovative products that I have come across in years, and I am so obsessed with it. I've been telling all of my friends to get it, so now I need to tell you guys.

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The Liz Moody Podcast - 3 Things To STOP Doing In Your 20s & 30s To Be Happier, Healthier & Wealthier

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