The Liz Moody Podcast - 4 Science-Backed Ways to Be Magnetic & Unstoppable

Episode Date: September 8, 2025

What if I told you that real confidence is available to all of us? That, based on the research, anyone can learn to be magnetic and unstoppable. In this episode, I get into all the data around confide...nce, like the "Pratt Fall Effect," and share easy ways to become more empowered and sure of yourself, like the "Menu Trick" (+ so much more). You’ll walk away with the tools to go after what you want AND become the person you want to be. Check out the previous episodes of The Liz Moody Podcast discussed today: How To Become More Confident: Quiet Your Inner Critic, Stop People Pleasing, and Unlock A Bigger Life With Dr. Aziz Gazipura The Secret To Making Hard Decisions: Minimize Regret & KNOW You’re On The Right Path With Megan Heller Ready to uplevel every part of your life? Order Liz’s book 100 Ways to Change Your Life: The Science of Leveling Up Health, Happiness, Relationships & Success now!  Connect with Liz on Instagram @lizmoody or online at www.lizmoody.com. Subscribe to the substack by visiting https://lizmoody.substack.com/welcome. Buy our cute sweatshirts, conversation cards, and more at https://shop.lizmoody.com/. To join The Liz Moody Podcast Club Facebook group, go to www.facebook.com/groups/thelizmoodypodcast. Use our discount codes from our  highly vetted and tested brand partners by visiting https://www.lizmoody.com/codes.  This episode is brought to you completely free thanks to the following podcast sponsors: Pique: check out PiqueLife.com/LizMoody for up to 20% off plus a special gift. LMNT: go to DrinkLMNT.com/LizMoody to get a free LMNT sample pack with any order. IQ Bar: Text LIZ to 64000 for 20% off all IQBAR products plus FREE shipping. The Liz Moody Podcast cover art by Zack. The Liz Moody Podcast music by Alex Ruimy. Formerly the Healthier Together Podcast.  This podcast and website represents the opinions of Liz Moody and her guests to the show. The content here should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for information purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare professional for any medical questions. The Liz Moody Podcast Episode 362. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello, friends, and welcome back to the Liz Moody podcast. You know those people who walk into a room and just own it and not in a loud show-offy way? The people who are magnetic, the ones everyone gravitates toward. The people who just ooze confidence. By the end of this episode, you are going to be one of them. I think of confidence really similarly to how I think of energy, which is that it is the backbone of us being able to do everything else that we want to do with our lives. If we don't have energy, we can't form new habits, we can't go after our dreams, we can't enjoy our days.
Starting point is 00:00:35 Same with confidence. It impacts everything from getting promotions to going on dates to building friend groups that feel deeply satisfying. It impacts how we feel day to day and the possibilities that we create for our lives. Having more confidence unlocks life upgrades all over the place, which is why today we're going to be diving into why you actually lack confidence and why it's not your fault. The sneaky ways that your brain and body are working against you and exactly how you can flip the script and make them work for you and practical real-world tools to walk into any room, any meeting, any date,
Starting point is 00:01:15 any conversation with that sparkle, that confidence that draws people to you and makes them want to be in your presence. The fourth tip in this episode is my absolute favorite. you're going to learn about the menu trick, which I've been practicing for years, and it has made a noticeable difference in my life. I want to start off by busting the myth, the lie that we're told that confidence is something that we are born with. This single unlock will change the way that you look at confidence forever. Are you ready? Confidence isn't one giant thing that you either have or don't have. It is a set of microskills and mental states that your brain, your body, and your environment are influencing in real time.
Starting point is 00:02:02 The goal isn't to just generally, amorphously become more confident. Now, what does that even mean? The goal is to get better at those microskills and identifying and shifting the mental states so that we can change the way that our bodies and our brains respond to different environments. which means confidence is not something that you have or you do not have. Confidence is a set of little skills that you can learn. People who appear naturally confident have just learned those skills, have learned how to access those mental states at some point in their lives, whether it was subconscious stuff that they picked up on in their childhood
Starting point is 00:02:44 or something that they actively worked on. And what all of this points to and what the research very clearly shows is that true, real confidence is something that is available to all of us. Literally just that change in mindset was so helpful to me on my confidence journey, realizing that confidence is a set of microskills that can be developed because even that belief that your traits aren't fixed will create better results. There's a ton of research from Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck that shows that if we believe our skills can change, we're going to have higher resilience,
Starting point is 00:03:16 we're going to have increased motivation, and we are going to have greater success. So even just knowing that information, even just hearing what you have just heard on the podcast, that confidence is a set of microskills, that confidence is not something that we are born with, that's innate, that is going to change your outcomes. You are going to shift from I am not confident to I can learn the micro skills of confidence. And suddenly, instead of beating yourself up, you are experimenting, you are learning, you are growing, you are practicing. Which brings us to our very first tip to be sparkly and magnetic and confident.
Starting point is 00:03:54 Now that you know that confidence is just a set of microskills, practice those microskills. Here are a few of the microskills that research supports that the most confident people have. Making consistent eye contact. Speaking at a slower, steadier pace instead of rushing. That's actually something I really need to work on. I'm a very fast talker. Having better posture, so more shoulders back, more head. head up, asking follow-up questions, using people's names and conversations.
Starting point is 00:04:24 This is something that you'll start to notice that podcast guests do and often the ones who've had the most media training who've experienced a lot of success. They'll be like, that's an interesting question, Liz, or let me tell you about that, Liz. And I have to say, is the person on the receiving end of that, it makes me feel good. It's a good confidence technique. I perceive those people as more confident. Notice every single one of those microskills is just that. a skill. It's not a feeling. It's not a vibe. It's a literal thing that you can practice. It's something that if you practice it enough, you can turn it into a habit. Have you heard the confidence advice to fake it until you make it? What people actually mean by that is you have these skills.
Starting point is 00:05:06 You can do these behaviors. And if you just lead with the skill, you can trick yourself into the feeling of confidence. So here is my challenge to you. Pick one confidence micro-skill, whether it's talking slower, taking a second to pause before you respond to someone, which is such a power move, or maybe it's using people's names and sentences, or maybe it's asking follow-up questions. Just pick one and practice it. Turn it into a habit. And notice the impact it has on your confidence levels. Okay, the next secret to being the most confident magnetic person in the room is to be more vulnerable. We often think that confidence comes from perfection. But actually, there's really cool research into something called the Pratt Fall Effect,
Starting point is 00:05:51 which found that when a competent person makes a small, relatable mistake or shows a little bit of humanity, they become more likable and paradoxically, more confidence they mean, because they're secure enough to be real and authentic. This aligns nicely with one of my other all-time favorite bits of research that found that we perceive people who tell jokes as more confident, even if those jokes do not land because we think, wow, they must be really confident to be able to tell a joke. My dad clearly learned this lesson a very long time ago because, boy, does he not hesitate to jump in with some very truly terrible puns. But tell jokes. Tell jokes, even if they do not land, people will perceive you as more confident because you told them. There are two distinct takeaways here. One is a mindset shift, which is that if you are less perfect, people will like you more.
Starting point is 00:06:42 Let this research free you from your pursuit of perfection, which is holding you back from taking risks and trying things and inserting yourself into conversations. Try out a joke, share an opinion. If people do not agree, they will still perceive you as more confident for having shared it. And the second takeaway is to actively share some vulnerabilities. A trick I do to diffuse my own anxiety is to just acknowledge it. I remember during my first book tour stop in New York City, I was doing this full one woman show, which I'd never done before in my life. And the person from the venue was actively introducing me.
Starting point is 00:07:21 And I was standing next to Zach. And I was like, I am literally going to shit my pants. Like, I need to find a bathroom, ASAP. And he was like, the person is actively introducing you. And he pushed me onto the stage. And my whole body was shaking like a freezing little chihuahua. And so I just said, I said it out loud. I told the audience, my voice is shaking. I am so nervous. I've never done anything like this before. And they like chuckled a little bit and they cheered for me. And I felt instantly better. I felt more connected to them. I felt like I didn't have to hide how nervous I was. I could just do the show. It felt like we were just people hanging out and connecting together. I have a friend who when she goes on first date, she'll often say out loud, first dates
Starting point is 00:08:11 aren't my forte, but you should see me on a second date. And it almost always leads to a second date because first of all, it's intriguing. You're like, well, wait, I do want to see if there's a difference. And second of all, it acknowledges how inherently awkward first dates are, which is so relatable. It diffuses the awkwardness by just putting it right out on the table. You can also be vulnerable about other things, like things not related to the specific moment that you're in. Like, what's something that you're struggling with? What's something that you are working on? The point is, you do not need to be perfect. And trying to appear perfect is actually making you both seem and feel less confident. Okay. Next step, one of the best ways to be more confident is to prepare. One of the biggest
Starting point is 00:08:58 societal myths is this idea that the best conversations just happen. with the right people. There are no awkward loals that it's just back and forth forever. And sure, that does happen occasionally, mostly in movies like before sunrise and before sunset. Those are two my all-time favorite movies. And they just walk and talk, walk and talk all night long. And I love them, despite Richard Linkletter, creating these false expectations about what conversation can or should be for the rest of us. Because mostly that belief is false. Because most great conversationalists recognize great conversation as a skill set that they practice and they prepare for. Research shows that when we prepare for conversations, it actually frees up our mental load
Starting point is 00:09:44 to read social cues, to respond authentically, and to connect better. And prepping for conversations increases our self-efficacy. A lot of confidence advice fails because it mixes up self-esteem or you feeling good about yourself with self-efficacy or the belief that you can succeed at a specific. task. Self-efficacy is the root underneath self-esteem. And there's a psychologist, Albert Bandora, who found that preparing properly is one of the fastest ways to boost self-efficacy. So again, when our self-efficacy is higher, we will have more self-esteem. When you know you have tools ready, your nervous system relaxes. And again, then you can connect better. People think
Starting point is 00:10:27 it's inauthentic to come prepared, but actually you are creating space for authenticity. If you want to feel more socially confident, prepping topics ahead of time is one of my all-time, all-time, all-time favorite tips. We think that conversations should naturally flow, that something is wrong with us if they don't, but actually the best conversations require a little bit of thought, a little bit of effort. I'll take note of interesting podcast that I listen to or articles that I read or anything that I see that makes me have that like, hmm, that's interesting moment. And sometimes I'll even write these down in my phone, like in my note tap. And then before I go out with people, especially if it's people that I know I have any
Starting point is 00:11:10 social anxiety around, which is like, to be very honest, most people, I will peep in my phone and I will arm myself with those conversation starters. And you can be really chill about it. Like I was listening to a podcast about how men are being left behind societally and the host was giving all these stats about how men aren't getting jobs or dates as much. And I was kind of thinking like, yeah, but women have been left behind for years. So why is it up to women to save men now? What do you think? The format here is like, I listen to X. It said Y. Here are my thoughts. What do you think? This does not mean that you're prescripting the conversation. It's going to flow
Starting point is 00:11:49 naturally from there. It's just giving your conversation an interesting place to jump off from so you can go deeper and you can eliminate that nervousness about not knowing what to say. Interesting people are always consuming interesting things. I actually think this is one of the reasons why so many people are feeling less confident these days because we're consuming a lot of funny in the moment, but ultimately not that interesting, fairly forgettable content on social media. Reading books, reading long form articles, listening to podcasts. These are all amazing ways to.
Starting point is 00:12:25 give yourself the informational inputs that you need to have amazing conversational outputs. I'm genuinely confused how master class gets literally the absolute top people in every single field to teach every single one of their classes. I use it when I want to learn things directly, like the cooking class from Thomas Keller has all of the wisdom that you would normally have to go to culinary school for. But also, I'm being honest, this is like a use case I don't hear a lot of people talking about. I'll just watch it for entertainment when I want to do. you something that's far more interesting than scrolling. Christina Aguilera taught me to sing.
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Starting point is 00:18:06 Exclusions apply. The last tip is something that no one is talking about and it is a top key for confidence. It is getting more comfortable with uncertainty. Psychologists call this tolerance for ambiguity, and it turns out that people who can act without needing 100% certainty both appear more confident to other people and they feel more confident inside themselves. These are the people who aren't sitting there running through what-if scenarios in their brain. What if that guy that I want to talk to laughs in my face? What if my boss thinks my idea is dumb? What if I go to that party and I'm just standing in the corner because nobody wants
Starting point is 00:18:48 to talk to me? They're not trying to mentally construct perfect situations to protect themselves from any of those things happening. Instead, they're actually doing the thing, certainty be damned, and learning from whatever happens next. Okay, so that sounds great, but how do we actually build our tolerance for ambiguity? There's research that shows that simply exposing yourself to low-stakes uncertainty regularly can train your brain to stop treating it like a threat. Basically, if you build your uncertainty tolerance muscle on lower weight stuff, you will build the strength to move up to the higher weight stuff. My favorite way to do this is something that I learned from Dr. Aziz Azapura when I interviewed
Starting point is 00:19:35 him about confidence and it is what I call the menu trick. When you sit down at a restaurant, order the very first thing that catches your eye. Don't overthink it. Don't ask the waiter a ton of questions. Just order. This is going to do two things. One, it's going to help you build that intuition muscle, that muscle of just trusting your gut, which is going to build your confidence. But two, it's also going to build your tolerance for uncertainty because when your meal comes, it might not be the perfect meal.
Starting point is 00:20:05 It might not be the thing that you would have chosen if you had really thought through every single item on the menu. And guess what? You're going to be just fine. You can handle it. And that teaches your brain that you survive. So in bigger moments where things do not go perfectly when a presentation doesn't go as planned, or maybe you ask somebody out and they say no, you will survive. So here is my challenge to you. Try to do one uncertainty rep daily. This can be having a conversation that you're not sure the outcome of, like reaching out to a more peripheral friend to make plans or asking your boss for a raise. You can do the menu trick. You can try to learn something new like a new sport or a new skill. And remind yourself that it is not about having a good outcome. It's about training your brain
Starting point is 00:20:56 that you will be fine, no matter what the outcome is, which is a superpower to have. The little things all count. They train your brain for the big things. and soon enough, you will naturally feel much more comfy with uncertainty. Also, I must point out that we have a phenomenal episode about how to get comfortable with uncertainty in all of the big and little ways in your life. It's with Megan Heller, and it's also about how to make tough decisions. And I can link it in the show notes if you would like to listen to it next. Okay, the other small thing that I like to do to help bias myself for actions so I can take
Starting point is 00:21:34 those uncertain actions and start to reap the confidence that comes with. doing is to shrink the first step until it's super, super, super small. Our brain hates big unknowns like write a book or apply for a job. It loves microstaps and it loves, loves, loves small wins. Small wins are amazing for building confidence to take the next step and the next step. So set the bar low. Focus on one tiny doable action. Ask chat GPT to break down a big goal into achievable micro steps instead of apply for a job.
Starting point is 00:22:14 Maybe it's take a career aptitude test. Maybe it send my resume to a friend to look over. And when you do that tiny step and you succeed, you start creating what psychologists call success spirals where your brain literally rewires to expect more wins next time, which creates more wins next time. Hence success spirals, hence the spiral. But so many of us deny ourselves the opportunity to win at all by setting the bar way too high, making the action way, way, way too big.
Starting point is 00:22:46 Be on your own side. Give yourself the opportunity to win so you can create that success spiral. Success. Success all the way up. I want to end with just like a little pep talk, a little message from me to you that you can listen to maybe in those times when you're feeling less confident when you need a little a little boost. This is your life. This is not a dress rehearsal. Stop waiting until you're ready. Ready is a myth. Show up messy. Show up imperfect. Your life isn't going to happen because you sat around
Starting point is 00:23:19 thinking about it, writing about it in your journal. Your dream job is not going to come to you. Your dream friends, your dream partner, they are not just going to appear. It is so much better. to imperfectly stumble in the direction of your dreams, then sit around waiting for change that you are doing nothing to create. You have survived every single bad day, every single awkward conversation, every single embarrassing moment that you have ever lived through. You have survived every single thing that you have ever been nervous about. These are proof points that no matter what, you can handle that uncertainty.
Starting point is 00:24:03 You are resilient. That is the true secret to confidence, not creating situations where things will go perfectly, but knowing that you will be okay, no matter what happens. And you have a million proof points as evidence that that is true. If you take anything out of this episode, I want you to know that you are worthy of taking up space. You are worthy of having your opinions heard. you are worthy of going after that big dream. You might have been kept small by something a parent said or a teacher said or something
Starting point is 00:24:41 that you learned from society. But that time is over. That time can be over. The world deserves the biggest version of you. You deserve the biggest version of you. Okay. I hope that was helpful. Just to recap, here are our four science-back shifts.
Starting point is 00:25:01 it will completely transform your confidence levels. First of all, stop thinking of confidence as a personality trait and start seeing it as what it is, a set of microskills that you can practice. Practice one micro skill like eye contact or using somebody's name or pausing before speaking until it becomes a habit. Two, prepare. Great conversations do not just happen. Keep a note of interesting shit to discuss.
Starting point is 00:25:30 Three, embrace vulnerability because it actually makes you more likable. Perfection does not breed connection. Share your vulnerabilities and create deeper relationships, deeper connections. And finally, get comfy with uncertainty. Build your tolerance by doing daily uncertainty reps like the menu trick and also shrink your first steps until they are super doable to create that sense of self-efficacy, to create those success spirals upward. And remember that you have survived every awkward, every imperfect moment in your life so far, and you will 100% survive the next one too. If you like this episode, please send it to one person in your life who you think will benefit.
Starting point is 00:26:15 Speaking of being vulnerable, I have four goals that I'm trying to hit before I turn 40, and one of them is four weeks at the top of the health podcast charts, which is something that no woman has done yet. And it feels super vulnerable to share it as a goal, because what if I don't hit it and then I'm just like failing publicly. But screw it because sharing is how these things happen. So if you could send this episode to one person who you think it might help and or you can make sure that you're following the podcast and you've left a five star review,
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Starting point is 00:27:28 slash codes. Okay, I love you. I think you're fucking awesome. And I will see you on the next episode of the Liz Moody podcast. Oh, just one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, a psychotherapist, or any other qualified professional. The number one rule of habits is to make the things that you want easier and the things that you don't want harder. Yet, so many of us want to eat healthier, but so few of us actually take the steps to make eating healthier easier. That's where Marley Spoon comes in. What I love about this company and what's different than all of the other companies out there that are doing stuff in the same arena,
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