The Liz Moody Podcast - Advice Ep! Chriselle Lim on Divorce, Hot Girl Energy, Taboo Financial Topics, and More

Episode Date: March 25, 2024

The next installment of our advice series, where every month, I’ll be joined by a new special guest. This month I’m so excited to welcome Chriselle Lim, co-founder and creative director of Phlur, to the podcast to answer your questions. The secrets to hot girl energy (anyone can have it!) Pragmatic ways to have more confidence How to know when it’s time to make a huge life decision, like getting a divorce How to stop being afraid of starting over in your 30s, 40s, and beyond Frank financial conversations about taboo topics like the trickiness of being the female breadwinner, alimony, and more How Chriselle built her multi-million dollar, mega successful business, and what she’s learned along the way that can help YOU achieve your career dreams How to know WHEN to have kids without derailing your career The one question that will change how you approach your business, relationships, and life How to help your partner go after their goals without parenting them or feeling resentful And so much more! For more from Chriselle, you can find her on Instagram @chrisellelim or her website www.thechrisellefactor.com. You can find Missing Person, as well as Phlur’s other scents, on www.phlur.com. To join The Liz Moody Podcast Club Facebook group, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/thelizmoodypodcast. Ready to uplevel every part of your life? Order my new book 100 Ways to Change Your Life: The Science of Leveling Up Health, Happiness, Relationships & Success now!  This episode is sponsored by: Caraway: visit Carawayhome.com/LIZM or use code LIZM for 10% off. Shopify: sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/lizm. Puori: go to puori.com/LIZMOODY and use promo code LIZMOODY for 20% sitewide. YNAB: go to www.YNAB.com/LizMoody to get one month free. Cymbiotika: use code LIZMOODY on cymbiotika.com to get 15% off plus free shipping on subscription orders. Previous episodes referred to in this episode: Relieve Stress Now: Science To Feel Calmer & Happier with Dr. Elissa Epel Invisible Labor Is Damaging Your Relationships–But This 6 Minute Exercise Can Change Everything with Eve Rodsky Unlocking The Happiness Formula: How The Most Joyful People Manage Their Time with Cassie Holmes, Phd Advice Ep! Anxiety, Morning Routines, Knowing When To Break Up & More with Kate Van Horn The Liz Moody Podcast cover art by Zack. The Liz Moody Podcast music by Alex Ruimy. Formerly the Healthier Together Podcast.  This podcast and website represents the opinions of Liz Moody and her guests to the show. The content here should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for information purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare professional for any medical questions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, friends, and welcome back to the Liz Moody podcast. I'm your host, Liz Moody, and I'm a best-selling author and long-time journalist. This podcast is all about helping you live your healthiest, happiest life, whether you want the latest science on stress relief, to balance the invisible labor that might be ruining your relationships. Or you want to unlock the happiness formula to find out how the most joyful people spend their time. And yes, those are all real episodes, so if any of those topics sound good to you, they are linked in the show notes. We are back today with another advice episode where I'm joined by very special guests and we answer questions that you have sent in. If you haven't listened to the last one with Kate Van Horn, I will link it in the show notes. We get into the best morning routine practice that I have ever heard, how to forgive your parents for your childhood, how to say no to going on a bachelorette trip, and so much more.

You can always send any questions that you want answered to ask at lizmoody.com, or I'll be taking questions on Instagram the last one. week or so of every month, so be on the lookout for that. Today, we are going to get raw and vulnerable with Criselle Lim. Criselle is one of the world's most influential taste makers, with over two million followers on both Instagram and TikTok, and one of the biggest fashion YouTube channels. She's also the owner and creative director of Fleur, the mega-popular fragrance brand that went super viral with the release of the first scent that she ever conceived, which was inspired in part by her divorce, which we will get into in this episode. We also talk about the secrets to hot girl energy, pragmatic ways to have more confidence,

how to know when it's time to make a huge life decision like getting a divorce, how to stop being afraid of starting over in your 30s, 40s, and beyond. Frank financial conversations about taboo topics like the trickiness of being the female Breadwinner, Alimony, and more. How Criselle built her multi-million dollar, mega-successful business, and what she's learned along the way that can help you achieve your career dreams. How to know when to have kids without derailing your career? The one question that will change how you approach your business, your relationships,

basically your entire life. How to help your partner go after their goals without parenting them or feeling resentful and so much more. We would both love to hear your thoughts as you're listening, so definitely screenshot and tag us on Instagram. I am at Liz Moody and Cressel is at Cressel Lim. If you know anyone who would benefit from this advice, who maybe is on the brink of a big decision themselves or who's going through a hard time or who's starting a business, send them

a link. Also, I want to hear your thoughts on the advice that we gave in this episode. Do you agree? Do you disagree? I want to know. Okay, let's get right into it with the wonderful Criselle Lim. Cressel, welcome to the podcast. I'm so excited to have you here. Thank you for having me. I'm such a big fan. Oh, okay, I'm going to just dive right into it. We have so much to get into today. But I want to start with, you said on your YouTube that it is never too late to be a hot girl. I want to know what you

mean by being a hot girl and I want to know your best tips for being a hot girl. I think a lot of people assume that being a hot girl means that you have to wear skinny clothes, you have to wear things that you typically won't feel comfortable with, but it's actually quite the opposite. Being a hot girl is really an attitude. It's an energy. It's an energy that I discover post-divorce because I was never my authentic self during my marriage and I realized that until I finally felt like myself. And that is what it really means to be a hot girl is when you're able to be your raw, authentic self, and you just show up to the world in a different way. You know, when you see those people that walk into a room and you're like, you just notice them

for no other reason. They don't have to be the most good-looking person. They don't have to be the person that has a least amount of clothing, but there's something about them where you just cannot stop gravitating towards them. And it's a certain energy, it's an aura that you really just kind of released to the world to say, I have arrived. And that is just, truly by being confident. And I think through confidence, it just kind of gives that kind of, I don't give a fuck attitude in a way where you just don't really care about how you appear to others. You're just fully comfortable with yourself. And to me, that is what it means to be a hot girl. What brought you that confidence in your life? How have you tapped into that?

I think it's through hardship. And I think there's no way around it. I think in order to feel fully, truly confident with your most inner self is going through hard times. And when you at one point thought you might die within a situation because you're like, this is way too hard for me. Like I cannot get through this. There's no way I can get through this. But you do. And you show up and you're like, okay, I didn't die through that process. I'm still here. And that is to me authentic, real confidence when you're able to show up to the world and be like, I have survived the hardest thing that I've ever experienced. And if I can get through that, I know that I can show up to this place in my most confident self. Can you take me back to when you were deciding

to get divorced? Because I can't imagine in that moment, you were like, this is the hardest thing I'm ever going to go through. But it's going to help me build all this resilience. And then I'm going to be super confident. And then life is going to be great. And if we all knew that, it would be so much easier to make the hard choices in our life. Yeah. But going back to that version of you, what did you need to make that hard choice? I'm in my late 30s, almost 40. And I think there comes a time where a lot of women are questioning, and men too actually,

are questioning where they're at in their life, whether it be a relationship, whether it be the career, whether it be kids, anything, like a fork in the road, right? And to me, it's about, like, you just know, and it's like you have this burning desire inside where you're like, this is not it. Like, this can't be it. And it's not about like, do I, like, if this and this happens, then I will know. There's no right and wrong formula. It's just this inner burning desire where you're like, okay, I can't see myself living this way

for the rest of my life for the next. few weeks for the next few months, and you just know. And there's no other way to describe it. That's interesting. I got an advice question from a listener that was, I've been debating a divorce, but my husband and I are fine together. We're not great, but we're fine. How do you know when or if you should get a divorce? I don't know. Does that mean we should stay together? I think the answer is probably because you'll know when you know. The people that don't know the answer is they're still going through the process. And you have to go through the process. And you have to go through the process. Like for me, when I officially decided to walk away from my marriage, it was many,

many, many years after of me not knowing. I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. But then there comes a day when you're like, oh, I know. This is the moment where I'm like, okay, I know deep down inside, like this is the decision I have to make for myself and my family. And so I wish there was a better answer. I wish there was a formula, as I said before, but there really isn't. Like, you'll know when the time is right for you. And I also wonder if you don't know if that means you could try this or you could try this or you could try this. And then if those things don't actually bear fruitful results, then maybe you will get that deep knowing. I think that's what it was for me is that I was struggling for a very long time. And if there's one quality in me is I'm not a giver-upper,

if that's even a word. I am so stubborn when it comes to trying to figure things out. Like, I'm an Ares. That's just how I am. That's how I'm built. Like, if you tell me that I can't do something, I'm going to make it happen. And that's how I felt with my marriage. I was like, no, no, there's no way that this can't be it. I made this decision. I had kids. And there's no way out of this. I have to make this work. For years and years and years, I was trying to, like, figure it out, like, put the puzzle pieces together. And there comes a point when you're like, okay, like, I tried absolutely everything and I've exhausted every little part of me to the point where you just don't even know who you are anymore because you're just like, you gave it your

all. And that's the point where you're like, okay, I know when you're just completely, completely depleted because you gave it your all and you tried everything. So if you don't know yet, you're still probably in the process of figuring it out. And look, along the way, you might figure it out, which is beautiful, which is the best thing that could ever happen, right? You know, people are like, you're such an advocate for divorce. I'm not. I'm actually not. No, what I love is that you say, I didn't have a lot of models and examples for this. And I want to be an example that this is an option you can take and be okay. I think there's a lot of advocates for being okay in a marriage. And I don't think there are very many people showing that you can be okay in a divorce. That doesn't mean you're saying

everybody should get divorced. Absolutely not. I think marriage is such a sacred thing more than ever now, given that it's so, I mean, the numbers show, right? Like, I think it's 50 or 60% at this point that marriages don't work out. So even more so now, it's such a sacred thing. And I think it should continue to be I think no one really goes into marriage being like, I'm going to go get a divorce. No, like you go into this hoping for the best, right? I always say you hope for the best and plan for the worst because you just never know what life can bring you. Are you a planner? Yeah, I'm a planner. But I've learned to become a loose planner now. Because I think when you're a planner, you cannot plan for things that you can't forecast and that you can't see that there's a lot of blind things that happen

that come your way. I mean, no one could have planned for the pandemic to happen, right? So I do like to plan. I think it's important to plan and have a general idea of where you're going and where you hope to go. But I think there should be some openness to that as well. I think that one of the things that holds people back from any major life shakeup, especially in their 30s, whether it's career past, getting out of a relationship, anything like that is fear that it's too late, that their ship has sailed, that starting over is too scary. How did you get through that fear? Well, I actually started a very, like, kind of short YouTube series called Never Too Late because of this idea of what we were kind of brainwashed to think that in our 30s,

life is set and done. And where you are and you are. your 30s, that's where you have to be for the rest of your life. And that is absolutely false. I think there's something within us that I think we're all kind of brainwashed to think, like in our 20s, we're figuring it out. But in your 30s, that is where you have to have your career and you have to have your kids and your family. But what I realized through this entire process is that there really is no age limit to when to start a family, when to start a career, once started a relationship. And we're all really writing our own rulebook here.

And there is no rulebook for anyone, really. Is there anything that made you actually believe that? Because I feel like I can tell that to a friend until the end of time. I have friends who are in relationships that maybe aren't their favorite relationship, but they're like, gosh, the idea of ending this relationship and getting back out in the dating pool and maybe I'll end up with somebody worse and all the great guys are taken and blah, blah, blah. Like what could I tell them to make them feel like there's still a world of possibility and it's not too late? I know. It's hard, right?

I went through it myself. Like the amount of red flag, the amount of people telling me before. And I just didn't want to listen, right? And I'm like, there's no way that I could start over at this age. There's no way that I could start over. I already have two kids. Like, that is not going to happen. And so I had to go through it myself for me to realize that.

But I think it really starts from how we were raised as kids. and I think that's something that I'm trying to teach my kids as I have two girls. One is nine and one is five. So they still have a lifelong ahead of them. But I think it really starts at an early age of like how we're telling them things, right? Like for instance, I remember growing up, I didn't have tiger parents, like typical Asian parents. But like, I had a mom that was like, if I paid this much for you to do this lesson, then you're going to finish it no matter what. And I'm like, but I hate it.

I don't want to finish it. I played the clarinet. and I hated it. Like, I absolutely hated it. But my mom was like, no, you're not allowed to quit. Like, too late, sorry. And so I did it all throughout high school. So guess what I did right when I left college to college?

I quit. But how I'm raising my girls now and not saying that I'm a perfect parent, but they want to try an activity. Like, for instance, my oldest daughter, Chloe, she's nine. She's really into horse riding. But she's also, like, figuring out what it is that she likes with, like, sports. She wants to try basketball and soccer. And I personally really wanted her to do like a team support activity because I think it's really great to play with other players and learn about, you know, companionship and being a team player. She absolutely hated it.

Absolutely hated it. And so for me, I was like being my mom, I was in my head. I was like, oh, God, no, you got to finish this. You got to, you know, we already invested into everything. Let's just push it a little further. But what I said to her was like, look, you know what? You tried and you don't like it. And that's not your fault. That's not my fault. That's no one's fault. And you should feel proud of yourself or trying. And we could move on to the next thing. And that's fine. It all starts with believing that you can try things and move on at a young age. But being raised in an immigrant household, it was like, no, if you commit to something, you have to finish it or you're a failure. And I think that's how it started for a lot of me and my peers. that we just have to finish it or else we're a failure.

And so hopefully I'm kind of changing that narrative. I'm sure I'll deal with other situations that come up with it later. But yeah, I think it starts at a young age. I also think that building a belief in your own resilience is so powerful because it means that even if you try to date and it is really hard and all of your worst nightmares about it come true, about starting over come true, you're like, I'm actually okay. I can be okay no matter what happens.

And it sounds like to me, your situation's interesting because I almost feel like you built the belief in your own resilience by going through the hard thing. Yeah. I also think that it kind of ties into this. But when I was younger, I never dated, right? I think I had one boyfriend my entire life, like before I got married, which is not okay. You should date when you're young because that's when you're figuring out what it is that you like, what it is that you don't like. And you kind of develop this appetite of like, okay, this is my boundary, right? But if you don't know what your boundaries, you will learn that the hard way.

When I think about women now in their 30s and 40s, a lot of them, they don't really know what they want because they also didn't really get the opportunity to date around and figure out what it. And it's never too late to do that. For me, the first three years of like post-divorce, it was like figuring out what it is that I like. what I thought I was not allowed to do. And again, kind of going back to kids is that I never brought any guys home because I thought that was going to upset my parents. When my kids start dating, I want to have an open door policy where it's like, bring them in. Like, my house is your house because I want that openness. I want people to feel like you could bring people in and out. And it's not that big of a deal. It's been a big learning experience for me.

What else was on your It's Never Too Late list? A lot of things. But, okay, kind of going back to being a workaholic, like a working mom. So I've always identified a lot with my masculinity side because, one, I think I was a breadwinner of the household. And so I felt like I had this weight on my shoulder, right? And I had to provide for the family and make sure everyone was happy. And I didn't allow anyone else to take care of me. And so when I was single for the first time, I had to really unlearn my side of like, okay,

I don't have to do everything for everyone anymore, right? And so I think it's never too late to be in touch with your authentic side, whether it's to be the feminine side or the masculine side. and to have fun. And I think that comes with that element of femininity, the playfulness, the softness, like being able to just, like, be a little bit more free. I was so serious. I was such a serious person back then because I had so many responsibilities. I lost touch with that childlike side of me.

And so I remember the first time, and I was going through my divorce during COVID, so it was very, very hard. But the first time post-divorce and COVID was, kind of like ending and so I went out to the world and I remember feeling so giddy and giggly because I started noticing things. I was present for the first time. I remember calling up my best friend Lynette and I was like oh my God I felt like butterflies in my stomach when I saw this person and I haven't felt that in a while and so it's never too late to get butterflies. it's never too late to be playful, to be childlike, even in your 30s, 40s, 50s.

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So remember to get the offer in there. Marley Spoon.com slash offer slash Liz Moody for up to 25 free meals. And what I love about you is that you still are this powerful businesswoman. You're not saying you have to be one or the other. You're saying it can actually be both. And I had lost one side of myself in this process. I've realized that even in my own relationship. I make more money than my partner does. And there's so many ways he can make me feel taking care of that aren't just the financial element. And I've had to open myself up to being taking care of in those ways, which is really important to me. I think I love that that you bring that up because I think money is just one element, right? One element of our responsibilities of who we are. Money at the end of day, it's just value that we're pretty. on a piece of paper. But I think, especially when men are not feeling super confident with themselves,

all of a sudden they feel like they're not bringing any value to the table when they can no longer be that person. But what they have to realize and what I had to realize is that there's so many other elements of me that need to be taken care of. And I didn't realize that before. Like my soul needs to be taken care of. It needs to be nourished. I have emotions. I have. I have. sensitivities that I didn't realize that I had before because I blocked them off. It was kind of a survival tactic for me. I didn't allow anyone to come in because I didn't want to get hurt. There was no room for error at that point. But when you let go of that, you realize that there's so many needs that we have as women. And it doesn't make you less strong. It doesn't make you

less powerful just because you allow a man or another person take care of those needs for you. Well, and similarly, I think there's a lot of needs that men are realizing that they have, that society hasn't told them that they are allowed to have or that they're spaced have. I think we're all trying to fight back from this cultural narrative that's existed for literally hundreds and thousands of years and reestablish who we want to be in our relationships, which is really hard to do. Yeah, it really is because it goes back so many hundreds and thousands of years ago of what a man is supposed to do. I know what a woman is supposed to do,

but things have changed, things have evolved, and laws and even like divorce and like none of those have changed and kept up with the times. Now a lot of women are making more money than men or their equal partners, and things should reflect that. And I know it's hard because

I don't think the world has caught up to that yet. Yeah, I don't think it has either. I think there's a lot of shame. There's a lot of just unspoken feelings on all sides about that type of stuff and I think we need to bring it out into the public. You said in one of your videos you've been thinking about money stuff a lot recently

and do you know what you were thinking about when you said that? Like what money stuff has been on your mind? Yes, I have. I haven't really gotten into it because I think money is a tricky subject. And it's funny because whenever I talk about me paying alimony to my ex-husband,

that is not me talking shit. It is just what I do. A fact. A fact. But it's funny. because whenever I post about that, not just men, mainly women are like, I can't believe that you're talking down on your ex. But I'm like, no, this is where it's culturally wrong because when a man says, oh, I'm paying alimony to my ex-wife, it's like water over a duck's back, right? You won't even think about it at all.

But when a woman says that all of a sudden, I'm talking shit, it's not. And that is where we have to change the narrative. Money is literally just value that we put on a piece of paper. None other than that. It doesn't mean that one person is more powerful than the other because one person is paying the other person, whether it's a man or a woman. And I think that's where it begins. And I think we put so much power into the,

value of what money represents. We all need to kind of change the narrative of what money really means to people. It's really interesting. So I kind of stopped posting about it because for me, it was really important that my girls have a clear understanding of how money works, right? Because when you understand, then they're able to make smarter choices. But the minute that I talk about that, then a lot of people assume that it's degrading the man, but it's not. It's just common knowledge that everyone, man and women, should know. I love that you are trying to take some of the power away from the money because I do think it is crazy. If somebody has a lot of money, even if it's inherited money, they did nothing to earn it, but we listen to them on a societal level.

We're like, oh, their opinions hold weight. They're valuable. They should be allowed to speak. because they have the power of this money, even if it is by nothing they have done themselves, which is so fascinating. Yeah. It is really fascinating. And I think, again, it kind of is how we were all raised to think about money and how, you know,

coming from an immigrant home, money was so treasured, right? Because immigrant families, they work so hard to come to America. Every penny and dime they've earned was so hard earned. So there was so much value and so. much power around a single dollar, right? And so even as I was going through this whole process with alimony, for me, of course, in the beginning, was very, very hard because I didn't understand the laws and how it worked, and I was just coming to understanding which is another passion of mine for kids, women, men, girls, boys, everyone to understand these laws before getting married,

right? But I think for me, when I really understood what was going on, I was like, okay, Well, I at least have the ability to pay this alimony. And I am grateful because at least that I get to support my kids and their dad to continue to live this life and continue to be able to do what they want to do. And thank God that I am in a position where I can do that, right? When I started talking to my mom about that, my Korean mom, she was like, what are you talking about? You're absolutely crazy. And so it really stems back of how our parents viewed money, right? So she didn't want you to part with any money, basically?

Well, she just didn't understand the logic of me being grateful that I get to pay alimony. Because for me, once I accepted it, it was what it was. So I didn't have any hard feelings about it when my mom just had such a hard time understanding that. But it's stemming back to how our parents. thought of money and how they raised us. So it's really about unlearning a lot of these patterns and habits and thoughts and the power that our families and our parents on these adults put around money. And I'm not saying that, you know, there's no value. Of course there's value. It allows you to do the things that you want to do. But I think outside of the monetary value,

that's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Like recognize the limits of the value of money. Yeah. I think that's really powerful. Can we talk about your people? business for a second? Yeah, of course. We'll get back into relationship stuff, but I want to talk about Flour because it is this incredibly successful fragrance company. And what I think is particularly interesting is that fragrance existed before you launched your company. Fragrance has existed for a really long time. And a lot of people will have an idea for business and then they'll say, oh, I can't do that. That's already out there. How did you know what you had was different enough? How did you know it was an idea worth pursuing? How did the inception of that business start?

I'm going to be completely transparent with you. I didn't. I absolutely didn't. And I think this is where going back to that gut feeling really came into place. I think I have a very strong intuition. I have a very strong, like, inner gut feeling. And so when I was approached with this opportunity to acquire Flur with my business partner, now Ben Bennett, I was going through my divorce. I was in the middle of a crisis. And he calls. me up and he's like, I have this great opportunity for us to relaunch, to acquire, and then relaunch this fragrance brand flur. What do you think? And I thought, you're crazy. I don't have the mental bandwidth, the emotional bandwidth to do this right now. I'm going through

a major life crisis. And there is something inside of me where I kept going back to it. It's for about a month. And I was like, what if it works out? I just kept replaying that. in my head like what if it works out? And then Ben called me and he said, you know, Fleur is coming into its second chapter in its life. And so are you. And I think that this is a great opportunity for you to be able to tell your stories as you guys are both coming into this new era. And that really stuck with me. At that point, I didn't really know what these stories were going to be. I was just heartbroken. And so at that moment, I was like, okay, yeah, you're right.

Let's do it. But still, I was like, I don't know if this is going to work out. There was a lot of doubt in between. All I knew how to do really was this deep desire within me of wanting to share these stories that were in my heart to the world, but through a scent. And at the time, our very first fragrance was a missing person. We were developing missing person with our nose, Jill. And I was like, is there any way to bottle up something that smells like your lover's skin

or something that feels like skin where you feel cozy and warm and loved? Because at that point, that's what I was craving for in my life. I was married for eight years, but in a relationship for 15 years. And so the hardest thing for me was being alone. And so I was craving intimacy. I was craving just feeling loved and warmed. And so that's how missing person was born was just my own desire and need for wanting to be loved. And because that story was so authentic and relatable, not everyone's going through a divorce, I get that, but everyone wants to be loved. whether it's to receive love, to give love, whatever that is.

That was our very first scent when we launched Fleur. And it went so viral on the internet. We had a 200,000 person wait list. This is something that we couldn't have ever imagined. Because first of all, this is a scent that no one has ever smelled before. We were not at any counter. So you couldn't go to a counter and be like, let me test it out and see if I like it. So people were purely getting on this wait list by this emotion of wanting to be loved.

I think it's such a powerful and genius thing that you identified, which is that people don't want to buy a product. They want to buy a feeling. And so many business owners, I think, could take wisdom from that because they're trying to sell people products. And what people want is the feeling that is a result of that product, whether it's feeling calmer because you've offered them some sort of service, whether it's feeling loved and something that's more esoteric like that. But people are trying to sell products and what you identified is we need to sell feelings. Yeah, absolutely. I think that was the power of missing person. And I think quickly after that, and look, you could tell an amazing story, but if your product is shit, then you're done, right? It's like a one-time flower. It's like a one-time

far. Exactly. It could only get you so far. And so I think because the scent was so beautiful, and when people received it, if you go on to TikTok and you type in for a missing person, you will see thousands and thousands of videos of customers, spraying it in tears, crying,

sharing their own personal moment of like who it reminds them of or who they miss. And it became more than a sense of a lover. It became a sense of love because people are saying like, oh, this reminds me of my mom. She passed away.

and it just allowed them to share their deep emotions. And so missing person became therapy for people. It became a place where they were allowed to feel. And because that was our first scent and it sold out. And again, you can never plan for virality. I always say you could always hope for it, but you can't plan for it. And so we were out of stock for months. and because of the fear of them not being able to get their hands on missing person,

every single cent starts selling out. And every single cent had a story. Not Your Baby was me going through my hot girl face. And it was more of an attitude. It was an attitude of wanting to feel so confident and good. I'm obsessed with the film Scarface and Michelle Pfeiffer in that one scene that iconic scene and her being like, I am not your baby, don't call me your baby. And so that's where that scent was inspired by. It's like you feel so good in your skin, in your body, you feel so

feminine and sexy, but not for anyone else, but for yourself. And so that's how not your baby was born. I love that. Yeah. Is there any advice you'd give to somebody who's maybe noodling on an idea for a business that they want to launch? Maybe they don't have as strong of a gut sense. Is there advice you'd give to them to know whether or not they should go for it? I think it's baby steps. A lot of people, they think of this really big picture, which is important as we talked about, having a big goal, having an idea of what direction you want to go in. But you immediately have to park that aside and then go back to the next immediate thing, whether it be, okay, I just have to write that one email. Okay, that's the next thing. Okay, what it, and those tiny little baby steps will eventually get you

to a place where you're like, oh, I didn't realize that I actually got this far. So you never want to get overwhelmed with your big goals. And I see this happen all the time. People have these massive amounts of goals, these massive dreams, but it almost hinders them in a way of that would be nice if it happened, but there's no way that could happen because that's too far of a dream for me. So it's like how do you fraction it down? How do you divide it up so it's not that big? Michael little things that do make a big difference. But also it boosts your confidence too along the way.

When you start making those goals and those tiny goals and you start like checkmarking off those goals, it builds this confidence in you that you will eventually grow into the bigger things. So yeah. I love that. When it comes to wellness, you're going to get the best results by focusing on the big needle movers. A lot of us spend a lot of time trying to optimize that last 1%, which creates a ton of stress and it actually doesn't help our help that much. At the top of the needle mover list,

sleep. And one of the best ways to optimize your sleep is to optimize your mattress, which is why I love avocado green mattress so much. First of all, this mattress is so comfortable. I have the one with the pillow top, which is medium firm, and it's just a dream. I miss it when I travel. It's better than even the fanciest hotel beds. Having a mattress, that supports your joints and your body and feels good is going to help you get more sleep and better quality sleep. But then, on top of that, avocado mattresses are made with certified organic cotton, wool, and latex, and they are made safe and green guard gold certified. They're also Okotech certified, which is the gold standard. I look for it in any mattresses, sheets, or towels

that I buy, which means the materials have been rigorously tested for harmful substances. You can actually look for the Okotech standard 100 label right on the product, and I love this part. It includes a traceable certificate number and the name of the testing lab so you know exactly what you're getting. There are no toxic chemicals. There's no harmful off-gassing. It does not smell like it's going to kill you when you unbox it. This is what I mean.

I'm not going to swap out all of my clothing, which is that top 1% of optimization. But by making sure that my mattress and my bedding are as good for me as possible, I literally reduce my exposure during a third of my life, which is a huge needle mover for a one-time. swap. I will also note, and this is a me thing, but I sleep super hot and avocado's materials are really breathable and it makes me sweat the least of any mattress that I have slept on. And avocado is a certified B-corp and a 1% for the planet member because caring for yourself and caring for the planet do not have to be separate things. You can get up to 20% off organic mattresses and more by shopping Avocados President's Day sale right now at avocadogreenmatress.com.

That is avocado greenmatress.com, no code needed. If you have headaches, allergies, brain fog, skin irritation, or you've been dealing with hormone issues, you are especially going to want to listen to this ad. Every single thing that I just listed has been linked to chemicals and household cleaners. One study found that regular use of cleaning sprays was associated with a lung function decline comparable to smoking 10 to 20 cigarettes per day. Synthetic fragrances are a well-documented migraine trigger, and a number of studies have linked ingredients in common household cleaners to fertility issues,

thyroid dysfunction, mood changes, and more because of their impact on our endocrine systems. Luckily, you can just make one simple swap and you can eliminate all of those risk factors that you get from common household cleaners. Branch Basics makes cleaning products that are plant and mineral-based, completely fragrance-free, and made safe certified, meaning they are screened against thousands of known and suspected harmful chemicals. And best of all, you literally use one product, but you mix it with different amounts of water to make your kitchen spray, your bathroom cleaner,

your laundry detergent, your produce wash, your glass cleaner, literally everything. It does not smell. It does not give me headaches. It does not give me rashes or itchiness from clothes because you are. Remember, we're using this for laundry. We're using this for literally everything. And it works so well.

Everything gets so clean. And I know that I'm protecting myself from all of those long-term issues too. And I'm protecting my kittens who are much tinier than me. So anything they're exposed to has a much greater impact on their little tiny systems. And they're running around on their little paws and then they're licking them. So I'm protecting them too. Branch Basics is now available at Target.com, Amazon and branchbasics.com. So it's easier than ever to make the switch.

And if you want to grab their premium starter kit, you can use code Liz Moody for 15% off at branch basics.com. That's code Liz Moody for 15% off the premium starter kit at branchbasics.com. And when they ask you where you heard about us, please make sure to mention the show. That is branchbasics.com and use code Liz Moody. I very rarely get genuinely excited about skincare, but this is one of the most innovative products that I have come across in years. And I am so obsessed with it. I've been telling all of my friends to get it. So now I need to tell you guys. Here's some science first. Your skin isn't just getting older. It's being actively broken down by something called senescent cells. These are cells that have stopped functioning but

refused to die. They sit there releasing inflammatory signals, breaking down your collagen, degrading your skin barrier, and accelerating every visible sign of aging. Scientists call them zombie cells and as they accumulate, they are one of the primary drivers of how old your skin looks and feels. The team at one skin, a group of female longevity researchers and PhDs, spent five years testing over 900 peptides to figure out how to help reduce the accumulation of senescent cells. And they finally landed on it. OSO1, the first peptide scientifically studied to reduce skin's biological age at the molecular level. OSO1 goes in and it clears out the senescent cells so it helps skin function like healthier, younger looking skin. It is not masking the

signs of aging. It's not targeting one thing. It is actually rolling the clock back. at a cellular level. I've been using the face moisturizer for almost six months now, and I love it so much. It feels amazing. It goes on really smoothly. It's not tacky at all. And I actually see a difference, which I just feel like is never the case with skincare. You want to always like see a real difference and you're kind of like, do, do I? Do I? And this, I genuinely do. Because it's clearing the senescent cells, it doesn't just target one thing. So my skin looks firmer. It looks glowier. The texture feels dramatically smoother. And I feel like you can see that too. I also love the body moisturizer. It dries down really quickly,

which is always a pet peeve of mine with moisturizers. I hate that like sticky feeling when you go to put your clothes on. This does not do that. But it does moisturize really, really well. And then again, I'm reducing my skin's biological age. I am not making it just look younger. I am making it actually younger. One skin has four peer-reviewed clinical studies in over 10,000 five-star reviews. The data backs everything up for a limited time get 15% off with code Liz at one skin.co slash Liz. Again, that's 15% off at oneskin.com with code Liz. Okay, let's do an advice question from somebody who wrote in and said, I'm just starting to thrive in my career and I'm also in my mid-30s. I know I want kids eventually, but I'm terrified to have

them right now and derail the career success I've worked so hard for. should I take the career setback and have kids or should I put off kids longer but maybe risk fertility issues help. You have kids and I'm particularly curious about your advice on this in terms of how having kids has impacted your ability to have the career success that you want to have. I always tell people that yeah, you could do it all, but something's going to give in between. It would be unrealistic for me to be like you could be the best. mom and the best entrepreneur and the best worker, it's literally physically impossible.

And still till this day, this is something that I deal with, right? I run multiple businesses. I co-parent. Could I be more present? Could I be there from? Absolutely. I can. But that's the sacrifice that I decide to make that for me to be able to do what I love

to do, but also to be able to provide for my family eventually. as well. It's not realistic for me to say that the guilt goes away, but I think you're able to park your guilt a little bit better and be like, okay, this is what I'm doing and I'm doing the best that I can now. Something's going to give at some point, right? But either way, whether you decide to just focus on your career and if all you're doing is like thinking about kids and being like, oh, should I do it? That could be a sign, right? Because it never gets easier. It really doesn't, right? When you have kids, you will figure it out. Will you have more things to struggle? Absolutely. Will you feel a little bit crazier? Absolutely. But you will figure it out. And your

results will still be spectacular, but will you be there with your kids 24-7? Probably not. And if that's going to give you an immense amount of guilt, then I don't know if it's the right time. My sister is a great example. She just had her first daughter. And because she's had so many friends already have kids and me being an old sister, see me go through it, she's very much like, I'm working and I'm not with my daughter all the time, and that's okay. And she's learned to like kind of let that part go.

and she was ready for it. She was like, I know this is going to be the reality that I'm going to be facing. So I think as long as you know what the reality is going to be of you not being able to be with your child all the time, you'll absolutely find the times to do both. But it's more of the guilt, the emotional aspect that I think women have a hard time managing once they become a mother and have their businesses to run. Do you think that having kids made it harder for you to achieve the levels of success, you've achieved or did it make it easier in some way or how do you think it impacted that? It's hard for me to say because my career rose or the same time I had my kids, my first daughter,

who's nine years old now. I was a blogger, you know, 15 years ago, but it didn't really take off and the industry wasn't really ready for it. But around when Chloe was born, that's when it started really taking off. Brands were starting to pay contact. creators to work with them, go to fashion week, travel, do all these jobs. For me, I had no choice but to figure out a way. I knew that what I had in front of me was very, very special with this opportunity of being one of the first bloggers of our times, fashion bloggers, and a lot of opportunities coming my way, and I knew that that probably wouldn't happen. I mean, maybe it could have happened later on, but I knew that it was very, very rare at that time and place. And so I took

full advantage of that while I was being a mom. And so, you know, I had a lot of support. My parents would always come down to help me when I had to go on work trips. I figured it out. But it was hard. But I do like there is an element with your life, I guess, there's a through line of like leaping first and having faith in yourself that you will be able to make it work somehow, even if it's different than what you pictured. Yeah, I think that's been to my advantage and disadvantage is I'm just a risk taker. I don't know how to do life any other way. I love taking risks.

I love the idea of like, what if it works out for everything, even with having kids, like, what if it works out? What if being a mom is like the most amazing, coolest thing, right? And so I'm like, let's just do it. Let's like have kids. and I'll figure it out. That's my thing. I will always figure it out.

And I think that has been the through line of my entire life, is that I know I'm a solution-oriented person. I will always find a way. I will always figure out some sort of solution. Sometimes I won't, and that's okay. I'll learn from that as well. But moreover the times, I will figure out a way. What if it works out? What a powerful thing to say in any situation.

I think we spend so much time. I struggle with anxiety. So I'm often in my head thinking about all of the ways it might not work out. But just countering that. What if it works out? Yeah. And I think that's also a way to rewire your brain. I think we're all in a place of like, especially once you get older, you're like, okay,

like I'm at this age. What if it doesn't work out, right? But I think for me, I've always lived my life of what if it works out and what is the worst thing that could possibly happen? And usually it's not that bad. If it's like, oh, the business is going to fail, it's not going to work out. Okay, great, then I'll go look for a job. It's fine.

I mean, it might be hard, but I'll figure it out. But the idea of me not knowing would kill me far more than trying and failing. Let's do one more. As a planner and someone who likes to be in control, I'm struggling to support my partner in their goals without parenting them or feeling resentful when they don't take my advice. Please help. I know it's hard, especially when you're in a relationship. and you feel like you have a lot of advice or things that you want to see for them.

But I think everyone, I learned this from my previous relationship, is that what's that saying? It's like, oh, God, now I can't even remember it. I can't remember the same. But pretty much you can't force anyone. You can bring them to. Is it leading the horse to water? You can lead the horse to the water, but you can never make it drink, right? So you can force someone to get.

to where they're supposed to be and where you think that they will feel the most motivated and the most excited about what they're supposed to do, be really responsible and proactive. But actually having to do the work, you can't do that. They have to do that. I'm assuming that this is a woman who's writing this, is that we all kind of have to just learn to let go. And that was really hard for me because I was doing that in my previous marriage before and it was trying to show all the opportunities.

But like what am I going to do? Like open their mouth and like make them, no, you can't. Like they have to want. They have to have that desire to want to take the next step, to take action. I think learning when to act and when to let go is a really powerful thing too. And the biggest thing I think we can do, which I think you're really doing with your daughters, is helping people build belief in themselves versus saying you should do this,

you should do this, you should do this. But if they have the belief in the trust in themselves, then they'll do the thing that they should be actually doing. It's definitely a little easier with kids and grown adults, but yes, I agree because that's my number one thing with my kids is that because I co-parent that I'm only with them 50% of the time, could I be doing everything for them? Could I be making their beds for them?

Could I be cleaning for them? Could I be, you know, getting them, which I used to do, do when I was married because it's just more efficient. Like you want to get out of the house. Like if you do it, the adult does it, it's so much faster than allowing the kids to learn and do it. My daughter, Chloe, just learned how to tie her shoe. And it takes her forever to tie her shoe. The amount of times where I want to interject me like, let me just do it. But I don't. I let her do it because it takes time for them to learn. But once they learn, they've become very, very confident. and they're self-sufficient.

And that's the best relationship you could have, whether it be with your partner or with your kids, is where they feel confident and motivated that they can do it on their own. And so my whole philosophy with parenting, with their girls now, is if they can do it, they're going to do it. I'm not going to do it.

Because what if they're at their dad's house and I'm not there? It's like the same thing with tying their hair. their dad doesn't really tie their hair, but Chloe learned how to braid her own hair. So she now braids her own hair at school because she loves her hair braided. And so I'm not there to do that for her. She'll do it on her own and she'll help her sister as well. And that is the best gift I think you can give anybody.

Any partner, any child is the confidence to do it on their own. Can you leave us with just a piece of advice that you've received that's changed your life? There's no easy way around things. I don't know if it's advice or it's just life experience is there's no shortcut to it. I have a few friends that are going through a really, really hard time. And I'm kind of like the hotline now of like when people are going through a rough time. They're like, can you tell me X, Y, and Z what you did to get there? And I'm like, I can tell you, but you're going to have to go through it yourself.

And that is the only way to actually get through it. And so is one, be patient and go through the emotions, go through the hard times. It's not going to last forever. And that's one thing that I knew. I knew that this two will pass, anything will pass, the good times and the bad times. And that is probably the best advice that I kind of hung on to during the hard times because I knew that things will get better eventually. But while you're in those hard times, you just have to.

to go through it yourself and feel all of it. And you're more resilient than you think in all of that. Oh, yeah. You are absolutely more resilient. And you'll come out of it with a new understanding. A part of me died during that process. But then a new version of me has appeared through that process. And during that death, that was really, really hard.

I wasn't sure if I was going to get through it. But once this new person has appeared, you're just a whole person. And I think that's the best way to describe it. It's like once you get through it, you feel whole, like a whole human. I have full body tingles. I love that. Do you want to tell us a little bit about anything you're excited about, anything you want to spotlight in your own words? I'm just excited that we get to have these conversations now.

I think, you know, a lot of people know me for my fashion and beauty content and me being the founder of Flerb. And I think before, it was all about portraying this, like, perfect life on the internet. But I love that the internet is now shifting. I mean, we still have a lot of work to do. But the internet is shifting in a way where we're showing, we're pulling the curtains and we're saying, no, my life isn't perfect. And I'm just really excited that more people are showcasing the hard times that they're going through.

And I think that that is what makes a world a better place for the future generation. You know, I think a lot about my girls and what they're going to eventually see on the internet. They're not on the internet yet. But, you know, I don't want them to think that life is easy and perfect because that's what they see. It's really about realness and rawness and openness and just having these open connections with people. Another thing that I'm really excited about, since I talked about missing person in our first fragrance, we just launched Missing Person Body Oil.

And it is like a 360 experience of what I went through. But Missing Person Body Oil is a brand new member to this kind of family. and again, kind of going back to the idea of like feeling loved and feeling like there's someone next to you, it is the most beautiful oil where you just feel so warm because I literally warm this up on my body every night and it just brings so much comfort and that's what I'm so excited about is for people that just feel like they want love in their life that are seeking love can experience love in this physical form element while they're kind of going on their journey. I love that too. And also self-touch, self-love, self-massage triggers a whole cascading positive

hormonal release in your brain. Absolutely. Yeah. Get a massage with the missing person body oil. Yes, or do a self-massage with it. Yeah, self-love. We love it. Well, thank you so much, Kristal. Thank you for having me. This is amazing. What if it all worked out? I'm 100% tucking that question into my pocket and I'll be pulling it out as needed. I hope you love this episode. If you did, please send a link to someone else that you think would love it. It's 100% the best way to support the podcast, which is how we can get these incredible guests and produce this content for you to enjoy. And if someone shared a link with you and you are new to the podcast, welcome. I am so glad that you're here. I want you to do one quick thing for me. I want you to make sure

that you are following the podcast on whatever platform you like to listen on. All you have to do is go to the main podcast page. That's the one that lists all of the Liz Moody Podcasts episodes, and you will see the word follow under the logo on Spotify. And then there's a little follow with a plus sign button on the top right of that same page on Apple Podcasts. And even if you are an OG listener, if you use Apple Podcasts, they just did a very annoying update. So you need to go to that main podcast page with all of the Lizmody podcast episodes, go to that top right corner with the three dots and click turn on automatic downloads if you want to keep seeing the podcast in your feed. This way you will not miss out on any new episodes. They'll appear right in your feed

every single Wednesday and every other Monday. In just two days, we will have an episode all about clearing up confusion around food to figure out what's actually the healthiest way to eat. And we have an interview coming up that will make you reconsider everything that you think you know about dating. You do not want to miss these. Trust me. So find that follow button and tap on it. So we always show up in your feed. Okay.

I love you so much and I will see you on Wednesday in two very short days for the next episode of the Liz Moody podcast. When you think about strength and resilience, like your ability to feel energized, to recover well, to stay strong as you get older, what do you think that actually comes from? Most people say working out or good nutrition, and yes, of course that matters. But there is a biological foundation underneath all of that that most people are completely overlooking. I have been diving deep into this lately with the team at timeline and what I've

learned has genuinely shifted how I think about my own health. Every single movement that your body makes, every step, every workout, every muscle contraction depends on energy produced at the cellular level. And at the center of that is your mitochondria. Here is the thing that Nobody tells you, certainly nobody told me, starting around age 30, our mitochondria naturally become less efficient. More get damaged, more become sluggish, and over time that impacts your energy, your strength, your recovery, and your resilience. Most of us respond by pushing more. We're like noticing these things and we're adding in more protein. We're trying to fix it with more supplements. We're trying to do harder workouts. And those things do help. But timelines research

suggests that we also need to be supporting the cellular machinery underneath. And that is exactly what their supplement, mitochondria, does. It contains urolithin A, which helps your body clear out damage mitochondria and support healthier ones so that your cells can produce energy more efficiently. Because this is happening to your cells, it's going to impact your entire body, your immune system, your muscles. One study found that taking mitopure increased muscle strength by 12% in four months, with no change in exercise routine, it's going to impact your energy, your sleep, your skin, your cell health impacts all of this, and urolithinea keeps your cells healthy. Timeline has done over 15 years of research and testing on this one product, urolithin A,

which, by the way, most of us lack the gut bacteria to synthesize naturally. That's why many of us need to supplement it to get the benefits. This has become a staple supplement for me. It is my top way to support how I want to look and feel as I age. cells and how you age with mitopure gummies from Timeline. Visit Timeline.com slash Liz and save up to 39% on your mitochondere gummies. That is timeline.com slash Liz.