The Liz Moody Podcast - Advice Ep! Romanticizing Your Life, Creating Over Consuming, & Embracing Realistic Wellness With Arielle Lorre

Episode Date: October 31, 2022

Welcome to the fifth episode of our advice series, where every single month, you’ll get a super chatty, fun advice episode. I’ll be joined by a new special guest every month and this month I am so... excited to welcome Arielle Lorre to the podcast. On this episode, we talk about: how to become more interesting the unexpected benefits of going out of your comfort zone how to implement more social media breaks  tips for navigating life with a partner who struggles with addiction how to build a daily wellness routine that you can actually stick to the wellness habits that have made the biggest difference in our lives the motivation hacks that actually work for us what to do (and not do) to get your best sleep how to stop feeling like the grass is always greener in your relationships, career, etc. how to get on the same page as your partner about your sexual needs  and so much more!  We would LOVE to hear from you any thoughts, reactions, or takeaways you have as you’re listening, so definitely screenshot and tag me @lizmoody and Arielle @ariellelorre on Instagram. And be sure to check out Arielle’s podcast The Blonde Files wherever you get your podcasts.   This episode is sponsored by Cymbiotika. Get 15% off using code LIZ at cymbiotika.com.  This episode is sponsored by Thrive Market. Go to thrivemarket.com/healthiertogether to join Thrive Market today and get $80 in free groceries. This episode is sponsored by Seed. You can get 15% off your first month's supply of Seed's DS-01™ Daily Synbiotic by going to https://seed.com/daily-synbiotic and using the code LIZMOODY.  This episode is sponsored by Wild Health. Go to wildhealth.com/liz or use code LIZ for 20% off.  Healthier Together cover art by Zack. Healthier Together music by Alex Ruimy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:01 Hello, friends, and welcome back to the Healthier Together podcast. I'm your host, Liz Moody, and I'm a best-selling author and long-time journalist. This podcast is all about helping you live your healthiest, happiest life, whether we're learning what foods to eat to fight disease, unlocking truths about how to manage chronic pain, or getting actionable advice for taking our careers to the next level. And yes, those are all real episodes, so if any of those topics sound good to you, scroll on back in the archives. Welcome back to our advice series where every single month I am,
Starting point is 00:00:31 I'm joined by very special guests and we answer all of your questions. This is our fifth edition and all of your questions so far have been amazing. So keep them coming. You can always send your questions into Ask at Liz Moody.com or I'll be taking questions on Instagram the last week or so of every month. So be on the lookout for that. If you haven't listened to the past advice episodes, I highly recommend them on last month's episode with Olivia Noseda.
Starting point is 00:00:55 We got into masturbation, sober curiosity, nomad life, and so much more. Today, I am so excited to welcome Ariel Lory to the podcast. You probably know Ariel from her popular podcast, The Blonde Files, where she talks with her guests about health, well-being, beauty tips, and so much more. Or her Instagram page at Ariel Lurie, which is full of delicious, healthy recipes, wellness hacks, amazing fashion inspiration, and so much more. On the episode today, we are talking about how to become more interesting, the unexpected benefits of going out of your comfort zone,
Starting point is 00:01:29 how to implement more social media breaks and why you should want to. Tips for navigating life with a partner who struggles with addiction. How to build a daily wellness routine that you can actually stick to. The wellness habits that have made the biggest difference in both of our lives, the motivation hacks that actually work for us, what to do and not to do to get your best sleep. How to stop feeling like the grass is always greener in your relationships and your career in all different parts of your life.
Starting point is 00:01:56 How to get on the same page as your partner about your sleep. sexual needs and so much more. As always, we would love to hear your thoughts on our advice and your takes as you're listening. So definitely screenshot and tag us on Instagram. I am at Liz Moody and Ariel is at Ariel Lori L-O-R-R-E. And if you love this conversation or a piece of advice really resonates with you, please share it with a friend, a family member or a coworker. Sharing is the best way to support the podcast and there is so much good advice in here for figuring out what to do with your free time, managing screen time, navigating. relationships, sticking to healthy routines. There's just so much good stuff in here. So please
Starting point is 00:02:34 shoot a link to anybody you think might find it helpful. Okay. Let's get right into it with Ariel Lurie. Ariel, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast today. You are a highly requested guest. And I'm always like, guys, we've already done a podcast swap. You can go listen to that. They're like, bring her back on. So I'm excited to have you back. No pressure. I'm excited to be here. Let's just get into the advice. I got some really good questions this month and I'm really excited to dive into them. They really like run the gamut topic wise. So first one, the last few years I've poured myself into my work, which I love. But I'm picking my head up and realizing I don't have hobbies, adventures, stories like I used to. I want to be an interesting person again. How do you build an
Starting point is 00:03:19 interesting life when you feel a bit boring? Wow. Really? You're going to start up with the hard hitting questions. I can. kick us off. I think that there's the old adage that interested people are interesting. And I think that's really, really true. So I think sometimes if we feel like we're not interesting, if we feel our life is boring, a good place to start can just be asking ourselves, what are we interested in? Like, what tickles that little nugget of spark inside of you? And I think if you're like, well, nothing is really feeling that interesting right now. Google things happening this month in my city, go to the local community center and look at the board. I love looking for like local events like
Starting point is 00:04:00 on the community boards at local grocery stores. You can text your friends and be like, what are you interested in right now? What are you reading? What are you watching to? What events are you going to? Are you playing any sports? Like what are your hobbies? And kind of look for that jolt or that spark inside of you. And then follow your curiosity and follow what you're interested in would be my first thought. It's funny that you say that you've heard interested people are interesting. I've heard boring people are bored. So I've heard the flip side of that. And that's something that I said early in my recovery to other people who were sober. And I was like, I'm just bored. Like I don't know what to do anymore when my life wasn't about like drinking and partying. And I think a lot of people go through that transition, whether they have an issue with it or not, where you just kind of reevaluate what am I doing here? like going into another phase of life and adulthood. And yes, somebody said to me, very bluntly boring, people are bored. And I was like, okay, got it. But I like what you said. And I think another thing, not to relate every single thing to recovery, but this is something that I implemented
Starting point is 00:05:07 in so many areas of my life. And that's this idea of taking inventory. And there's this saying that, like, a business that doesn't regularly take inventory fails or something like that. That's the idea of it. And I think the same thing can apply to us as people, whether it's in our relationships, whether it's just in our personal development. And I think in this case, there's so much power in putting pen to paper and writing things down. I'm such a proponent of that because I can think in my head, well, I don't really have any hobbies. I don't really have anything that I'm interested in. But if I sit there and I have to think of things and write it down, it's kind of like something happens to your brain when you're doing that. And so I always always,
Starting point is 00:05:49 tell people to just start writing things down and just see what comes out. And if somebody sits there and takes inventory of, okay, what am I interested in? Like you said, what are things that I'm curious about? What would I do if I wasn't afraid of meeting new people? You know, whatever it is, and just start making a list. And then you can kind of look at that and pick things. And I love your advice of looking at what's going on in your community, taking a cooking class, taking a dancing class. I started taking dance classes with my friend. We are terrible. It's the funniest thing in the world. Hip-hop dance. I love it. That sounds so fun. I also think that there's something about engaging and stuff that brings out that playful fun. I look like an idiot side of us that's so good for us. I think
Starting point is 00:06:36 sometimes we let the fear of being good at something or appearing silly get in the way of us doing something that is enjoyable and in fact is enjoyable because it's silly, because we're bad at it. Yeah, we're so kind of embroiled in this world of being perfect and keeping up appearances. And I think there is so much value in that and just looking silly, feeling like a kid, feeling stupid. We don't really have that anymore because it's all about whether you're an influencer or not, like digital lives and what everybody else is doing. So I would start there.
Starting point is 00:07:12 Yeah, there's something with the beginner's mindset too. I feel like there's this expectation as you enter adulthood that you missed your time to be a beginner, to be new, to be fresh. And I think that's a complete fallacy. Like I think having a beginner's mindset throughout your entire life, like you're just like, I'm going to start hip hop classes. I think that's so fun. What else do you do? I am curious because you are sober. How long have you been sober now for?
Starting point is 00:07:36 I'll have nine years in February. That's so impressive. So you've had nine years to kind of answer that question. Like, what do I do to be interesting to do interesting things when I'm not drinking? Have you come up with any good stuff? Yeah. I mean, I kind of just do what's in front of me. And I just say yes.
Starting point is 00:07:52 And I say yes when I want to say no, not if I'm feeling burnt out. People kind of get that confused. But like if there's an opportunity in front of me, usually my knee-jerk reaction is to say no. Like, I want to sit at home and watch sex in the city for the 970th time, not go meet new people or whatever. But sobriety has definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone and made me comfortable outside of my comfort zone. It's just been kind of a slow unraveling. And I go through my phases and, you know, I got really into fitness. And then that led to being interested in health and wellness.
Starting point is 00:08:27 And that led to cooking and that led to other forms of exercise and meeting new people that way and traveling and just being comfortable with myself. I love reading, doing puzzles. I mean, it's like there's so many different things. I think this person should take a solo trip. I think that would be so fun. Even if it's just like a little weekend trip, I feel like that can completely re-galvanize your sense of adventure. There's a lot of research around the idea that adding change to your life,
Starting point is 00:08:57 even if you shake up your walk to work or your commute or the normal place you order takeout from or your grocery store, stuff like that, that sparks up new parts of your brain. and it makes you think in different ways. So whether you're changing your daily routine or you're changing something like going on a weekend trip or you just went to Europe by yourself for, I don't know, like two weeks or something, it just makes you think and see the world in different ways. I love that idea. And yeah, you don't have to go to Europe.
Starting point is 00:09:23 You can go anywhere. There's so many things. I probably sound like a broken record. If anyone listening to this listens to my show, but I talk about this a lot. And I feel like we're so kind of. detached from ourselves because we wake up so many of us. This is kind of a generalization, but you can wake up, get on your phone, go to work, be on your phone at the end of the day, be watching Netflix, whatever, and then you go to bed and you have not had one second inside
Starting point is 00:09:51 your body, inside your brain. And it's hard to be creative and be curious about what's going on around you. When you're doing that, like you're saying, our habits become very rote. You know, my morning walk is the same thing. My morning and night routine is the same thing. And I don't think that any kind of creativity really stems from that, whether it's creativity and thinking about hobbies that you want to pick up or whether it's creativity when it comes to your job or whatever it is. I feel like everybody needs a break. Everyone needs a change of scenery. I also believe in social media breaks. Are you able to take them because of your work? Well, I probably shouldn't. If my managers are listening to this, they're like, yeah, she does it all the time,
Starting point is 00:10:33 not cool. How long will you do? Like, what does that look like for you? Do you delete the apps from your phone? Like, what's the process? I don't feel that I need to delete it because if I'm not posting, I'm not on it. I'm not really a scroller. But if I'm posting stories and people are writing back and then I'm messaging and DMing and then responding to comments and blah, blah, blah, and that I'm thinking of more things to post. And so I'm just like in it. But yeah, very often I'll go like four or five days without posting and without going on. And I think the most that I've ever done probably is like seven to 10 days. But I love it. I love it too. I'm just always scared that the algorithm will stop showing my content to people or whatever. Yeah. I mean, I've definitely been stagnant in
Starting point is 00:11:19 periods when I do that, but it's like a toss up, you know, because I get so much from it. And then when I come back, then I do have more creativity. Like, I'm not an endless creative well. Nobody is. And I think that it just creates so much space for other things. And so I don't know who asked this question. I don't know what their relationship is like with social media. I don't want to assume. But if anybody listening is feeling kind of stagnant in their life and I think that's also a good place to look because it consumes so much of our time, so much of our energy, so much of our thoughts and our subconscious without even realizing that when you take it away, it's almost shocking. I don't know if you found this where you're like, I don't know what to
Starting point is 00:12:04 like do with my time. I also think there's this huge difference between creating and consuming. And I think if you're feeling stagnant in your life evaluating how much of your life you're spending consuming, whether that's television, whether that's social media, just when you're consuming constantly other people's messages. The news, I think is a huge thing that people consume that just really stagnates people versus creating. And if that creating is doing a fun photo shoot for social media, cool.
Starting point is 00:12:33 If it's writing a poem, writing a short story, cooking a really interesting meal, my sister does painting and she'll paint these really, really beautiful pictures. She actually gave me and Zach a gift. And she was like, oh, I just looked up this beautiful place on the internet. And I painted it for you guys because it reminded me of you guys. And I was like, Katie, do you know where this is? And she's like, no, I have no idea. I just was Googling beautiful landscape photos on the internet. And it was the lake in Canada that we got engaged at. Is that not the most wild thing you've ever heard? It was insane. I was like, and she had no idea.
Starting point is 00:13:08 And so now we have this painting that my sister did. But I do think that evaluating the balance of consuming versus creating in your life is a great way to tip your life towards feeling interesting and exciting again. And then you're also not comparing it to everybody else's as much. You're because you're like, I'm doing my own thing and that's cool. The mattress that you sleep on is one of the highest exposures that you have. Like if it's off gassing, you're breathing that in for basically a third of your life. And most conventional mattresses are loaded with synthetic foams, flame retardants, microplastics, and more. Plus, if it's not comfy, you're going to be tossing and turning. You're going to be really hot. And sleep is the foundation of health. It is so important. Because of all of this,
Starting point is 00:13:48 if I were not going to invest in any other part of my house, no other things in my house, I would invest in my mattress. And in fact, I have four years well before I had much money to spend on any of these things because it is such a big needle mover. The birch mattress is incredible. It is made with organic cotton, natural latex, and ethically sourced wool. So it has literally no off-gassing. You can not smell anything right when you unbox it.
Starting point is 00:14:14 It has no microplastics, no synthetic foams or flame-retour. And the wool makes it so breathable, which if you've listened to this podcast for more than five minutes, you know that I run very, very hot. Like I am a furnace. Zach has basically accepted that sleeping next to me is like sleeping next to like a little fire. And the birch mattress has been a game changer for that. It's made me sleep so much better. Like I can see my sleep score going up because I'm not hot all night long. It's also hypoallergenic, which is really worth paying attention to if you find yourself waking up stuffy or congested. Dust mites in a convention mattress can actually impact your breathing and your sleep quality without you even realizing it.
Starting point is 00:14:53 And again, we need to be able to breathe to get good sleep and getting good sleep is the foundation of our health. And then comfort wise, Zach sleeps on his back and then I sleep on my side and my stomach. So we have two completely different sleep styles and we both wake up feeling really good, no aches and pains. CNN actually named the Birch mattress, the best mattress for side sleepers. and Wired named it the best organic mattress, period. So there you go. Birch has options for every kind of sleeper in your household. They have three firmness layers.
Starting point is 00:15:24 I like the Lux Natural, which is the medium one. And then parents, they even have a Birch Kids natural mattress. Birch ships right to your door. It sets up in minutes and it comes with 120-night risk-free trial. So if it is not for you, they will pick it up for free. You have nothing to lose here. I want all of you to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch, go to birch living.com slash Liz Moody for 20% off. That is birch living.com slash
Starting point is 00:15:51 Liz Moody and you're going to get 20% off birch living.com slash Liz Moody. The number one rule of habits is to make the things that you want easier and the things that you don't want harder. Yet so many of us want to eat healthier, but so few of us actually take the steps to make eating healthier easier. That's where Marley Spoon comes in. What I love about this company and what's different than all of the other companies, out there that are doing like stuff in the same arena is that you can customize your choices based on the effort that you want to put in. So if you want them to send you ingredients, so you can make your own 20 minute meal and like get into your chef energy, they'll send it to you to all be in perfect
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Starting point is 00:17:55 Yeah. And obviously you can take inspiration from other people. And I've definitely seen somebody doing something online and been like, oh, I want to do that. But when you are taking those breaks, you're not so much influenced by that. It can be a good thing and it can be a bad thing, as you know. I had half-baked harvest, Tegan on my show. I know you had her on too, right? Yeah, a long time ago.
Starting point is 00:18:17 And she is somebody who does that so well, I think, because I was like, how do you come up with all of this? And day and day out, she doesn't miss a day and a recipe a day and posting on stories. And she was like, I just don't scroll social media at all whatsoever. I have a few people that I like to see what they're up to. But during the day, she's not on social. And then she'll post her stories at night and then get off. And it's like when you have that space, when you're not consuming, You can be creative.
Starting point is 00:18:49 So I should feel really good when she comments on my reels. Yeah. Yeah. When I see her watch my stories, I'm like, boom. One of the chosen few. Thanks, Tegan. Appreciate it. Shout out Tegan.
Starting point is 00:19:02 We love you. So you mentioned, I don't feel like I can necessarily offer the best advice on this, but it came in and I feel like you're a good person to ask. You've mentioned that you're sober, nine years sober. The question is, my husband is an alcoholic, and I don't know if I should stay and support him or leave. I'm feeling lost and I would love any advice. Well, I feel for the person who asked this question because I don't think there is anything harder than being with an active alcoholic
Starting point is 00:19:31 or addict. I didn't understand that until I got sober and I saw the effect that it had on everybody in my orbit. So my heart goes out to this person and people ask me this question a lot. and whether she should stay or go or he, I don't know. I think that's a really personal decision. And there are so many factors that would contribute to that and so much nuance and I don't know the relationship. But I do think that if you're with somebody who's struggling with drugs or alcohol or gambling or sex, addiction, or whatever, there are so many things.
Starting point is 00:20:11 The most important thing that you can do is take care of yourself for. first. So if therapy is an option, I cannot recommend that enough. There are also 12-step programs for people who are in relationships like Al-Anon. And there are so many on Zoom now. So it's so easy to just go on and Google Al-Anon Zoom. And there's so much to be said for having a group of like-minded people who know what you're going through who can help you and maybe have better advice if they're in that same situation or have been in that situation. It's like that kind of that cliche of putting your life best on first or your oxygen mask on first so that then you can be of use to the people around you. And so I would tell this person to do that as much as they can so that
Starting point is 00:20:58 they can be strong. And whether or not the husband wants to get sober, that's not an easy thing to do. I think that you can point them in the right direction. And depending on how to how bad it is, say, I love you and I'm here for you if you want to get sober. And if that's not something that you want right now, I can't stick around. You know, it's hard, it's hard to answer without knowing so much context. But I do know that you can't make somebody get sober. So it's like, what are you doing for yourself first? And I also think to your last point, I had John Kim, who's a marriage and family therapist on the podcast. And he was saying not particularly in the context of sobriety, but just in the context of like knowing when it's time to leave a relationship,
Starting point is 00:21:46 knowing when it's the last straw. It's, is the person open and interested in changing? And is the person open and interested in how what they're doing is impacting you? And if you can't get that, it's going to be hard to make any progress. And that would be in his mind a red flag. And that was really resonant to me because if you don't like where the relationship is right now, you can't be the only one trying to drag it in a different direction. It needs to be two people doing that. Yes, that's very true. And you and I were talking earlier about couples therapy. Like, if that's an option, that can be helpful too. But I do know having been in therapy when I was not sober, I could have all the therapy in the world and it would not have made any difference until I
Starting point is 00:22:34 stopped drinking. It does depend, though. Like, I know people who have been in relationships where their significant other said, you stop drinking or I'm out. And that person goes to AA or rehab or whatever and they stop drinking and they have long-term sobriety. And then there are some people who have to hit their own rock bottom. Like everybody's bottom is different, which is the hard thing about it. And that was for you, right? We talked about that when I had you on the show prior, but you really had to hit rock bottom. Like there was nothing anybody else was saying. Your family was like putting you in rehab and stuff like that. But none of that actually did anything until you hit the point that was rock bottom for you and then you were inspired to make a change. Yeah, and I had all the help and they
Starting point is 00:23:14 kept sending me to rehab and therapy and addiction specialists and everything. I was lucky to have all of those resources and for whatever reason, nothing penetrated until I was absolutely ready. And I've asked my parents actually because so many people asked me this question, well, what advice would you give? And they said the same thing. They said, we couldn't do it. anything for you. And they were in therapy. And I think I told this on your podcast, but my mom was in therapy to get ready for having to bury me. Like that's how bad it was. But she had to take care of herself and prepare herself for that because she knew there was nothing that she could do for me, which is crazy. Because if somebody was dying or struggling with cancer, for example,
Starting point is 00:24:06 they would probably jump at any opportunity to get better. But when it's something like addiction or alcoholism, which I believe is progressive and terminal, if you don't treat it, people just are so resistant. Like it's so interesting. And that's what makes it so insidious, I think. Then we're back to like put on your own life best first.
Starting point is 00:24:29 I think that's really good advice. And I'm sending all of the love in the world to the person that wrote in this question because that's a really, really hard situation to be in. Yeah, me too. And it's like that person isn't that person when they're drinking. So you're kind of in a relationship with two people, I'm sure. One when they're sober and one when they're drinking. And you don't want to be with a person who's drinking, but you can still love to death a sober person. Sending you so much love. All right, next one. I am having a problem staying
Starting point is 00:24:53 consistent and disciplined with my goals of sticking to a healthy diet, doing my morning and night routine and regularly moving every day. What are some tips on how to stay consistent and disciplined? I was just talking today to Leana Levy. She is the owner of Form of Pilates. I don't know if you're familiar. It's this big Pilates craze out here in L.A. And now she has places in New York too. But we were talking about this same thing today. And if you look at her, you're like, wow, this chick has it together. She's hitting her steps. She's working out. And she was talking about how she's like totally fallen off and can't get back into a routine. and feels like she's not eating healthy.
Starting point is 00:25:34 And we were talking about how there really isn't any destination when it comes to these things. I don't think anybody is like, okay, I figured it out. I'm going to do this workout five days a week. And this is what I eat. And that's it. I have found the formula. Like it's constantly ebbing and flowing. And we have so many external factors that contribute to even our ability to do some of those things.
Starting point is 00:25:59 And I think we put so much pressure on ourselves. to make sure that we're doing all the wellness things. And I think that is really more detrimental than anything. So I fall off all the time. I fell off the entire summer. Actually, I don't know if I want to say that I even fell off. Like, I kind of want to reframe that because I was just going through a different phase in my life. And I find that when I do want to get back into a routine, if I'm not feeling good, I start really small and manageable.
Starting point is 00:26:32 So I would rather have a few small wins, like go for a 10-minute walk in the morning and cook my dinner or something instead of ordering out and kind of start to stack those up once I can make them habitual again. Instead of doing what I think a lot of us often want to do, which is overhaul everything. And as soon as we can't stick to it, we just give up, I think, figuring out what's manageable for you and focus. on those and giving yourself grace. When you're going through a period where maybe you're sticking to your routines less, you're eating a little bit differently, you're not moving as much, are you just waiting to have that signal of I don't feel as good to get back on? What kind of tips it back in the other direction for you usually?
Starting point is 00:27:21 That's a good question. I think I'm the kind of person where I have to get uncomfortable before I'm willing to change. See, sobriety journey, as forementioned. Yes, exactly. And everything goes back to that. This summer, when did it sort of tip back for you? Well, I got my boobs done. And once I healed from that and could start working out, then I started incorporating that again. So get surgery. Yes, have your boobs done. Everyone's like turning it off.
Starting point is 00:27:49 I think my motivation for everything that I do comes from like wanting to feel good selfishly and like wanting to be the best version of myself and be able to function and do all the things that I want to do and have. energy and all of that. So that's at the end of the day. And when I start to kind of get away from that and I start to feel it because I'm super sensitive to these things, that's when I'll start to incorporate those habits back in. But I will say, I don't know if people think that I'm like walking 20,000 steps a day and doing Pilates every morning and drinking my water and like eating all my balanced meals, like that's not the case, 90% of the time. I think that's actually important to talk about too is I do think that there can be this perception. Sometimes I even feel like I'm failing in my position as somebody that people
Starting point is 00:28:43 look to in the wellness world. And I'm like, oh, if I'm not living this life, if I'm eating foods that aren't necessarily that good for me or even like more for me recently, it's like if I'm wallowing on the couch, scrolling on TikTok instead of meditating, and moving my body. I'm like, am I failing in the thing that people are looking to me for. But I think that acknowledging that we're human and even the people that you might think are living a certain kind of life online are not and giving yourself the same permission and forgiveness that you would, like, I'm sure anybody listening to me right now, any member of this community would be like, Liz, don't beat yourself up.
Starting point is 00:29:24 Like you're going through a hard time. It's okay. So being able to turn that back on yourself and saying like don't beat yourself up it's okay yeah i love that something that leanna said today she was talking about not feeling like she was eating very well and having a hard time getting that kind of back on track and she said i want to make sure that i'm promoting a healthy message and i said well i think that admitting to that is the healthy message that nobody has it together all the time and we have to learn how to be kinder to ourselves because you're so right I would never say to you, well, Liz, you failed today. Get up.
Starting point is 00:30:04 You are not a wellness person anymore. But it's like we're so easy on others and hard on ourselves. And I think it's finding what feels good and finding what's manageable for you and honing in on that. And everybody's different. That all said, what habits and routines do you find are the easiest for you to stick to? Like what are your low-hanging fruits of habits and routines for yourself? I like that question a lot. My low-hanging fruit definitely is meditation.
Starting point is 00:30:37 That is just so ingrained in my routine. I don't know why. I know that that's what a lot of people really struggle with. But I think, again, because it's something that I started almost nine years ago, I just have made it kind of a non-negotiable. So I know that I wake up and I give myself 10, 20 minutes, whatever it is to do something, whether it's like my TM, which I know you've done as well, or just doing something on an app or something guided or whatever it is. And that always
Starting point is 00:31:07 fluctuates as well, depending on what my day is. But that I would say is definitely low-hanging fruit. And I think because it touches so many different aspects of my life. And for some people, that's working out, you know, and that's great. And I do love doing that as well. For working out, I will say, if you can find a workout buddy or somebody to hold you accountable, it makes it so much easier. And that was a huge thing for me in getting back into it after not working out for months. I had no motivation. So I schedule something two or three days a week where I'm doing it with other people and I'm showing up no matter what. And that is so huge.
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Starting point is 00:35:27 And when they ask you where you heard about us, please make sure to mention the show. That is branch basics.com and use code Liz Moody. That's a Katie Milkman tip. She's a behavioral scientist who studies motivation and behavior change. And she thinks that making any habit you want, want to stick to social, whether it's as easy as like always working out at 8 a.m. and texting your friend, you're both starting at 8 a.m. and you're working out in a home YouTube video for 30
Starting point is 00:35:54 minutes or something like that. Or it's meeting up at the gym or it's going for a walk after work with a friend and it's a phone date or it's an in person date every single day. But if you can take the habits you want to have and layer in social accountability, it makes them so much more sticky. And that's been researched so much. Yeah, I love that. That's another thing I'll do. like instead of meeting friends to like sit down and have coffee, I'll meet them to either get coffee and walk or to go for a hike or a walk or something like that. And that accountability piece is so helpful. And you can also do it if you have a call. This is something that Harley, Pastor andack, my trainer came on my show and talks about a lot. He's a big proponent of getting your steps in.
Starting point is 00:36:33 And he's like, we don't realize how sedentary we are until we start to move a lot. And there are pockets in our days where, you know, everybody's lives and schedules and everything are different. But if you have a call with somebody or a Zoom meeting, maybe you can do it outside and walk around. So those things definitely help. And then, of course, eating like food that makes me feel my best. That has become easy for me just over the years because I've learned what makes me feel good and what makes me not really feel good. And I do enjoy cooking. And I find that to be something that's really cathartic and stress relieving and that's something that I look forward to. But I think I ordered postmates like twice a day for the whole summer. Like I was not doing that at all. I discovered the
Starting point is 00:37:24 Arawan hot bar here. And I've always been kind of like Aeroon so overrated. I'm not going to get into it when I'm in L.A. And then our last Airbnb in Venice was like three blocks from an Aero one. And Zach and I were working on the Healthier Together decks. And so we were on chatting. to China at like 11 at night because of the time difference and then we'd be so hungry and we'd be like, oh, okay, I guess we'll go to Arawan for dinner again. And I'm like, oh no, I've become that person. I hate myself. But it was so good. Venice Arawan is chef's kiss. It's like a caricature of all of the things of L.A. that you would picture. That's one of the things that I love about going to different airwans is the people watching because you get a different like milieu of people in each place and they're all so
Starting point is 00:38:09 different. And Venice, Arawan is like fake shamans abound. Yeah, it's a very special energy. And the food is way too delicious for its own good. And what do you like to get at the hot bar? So I think their breakfast breto is actually phenomenal. That's not an evening thing. But then in the evenings, I'm obsessed with the buffalo cauliflower. Yeah. I could eat a pound of it. I love all their salads. The buffalo cauliflower, though, I could eat that till the end of time. They're so good. So I agree with everything you said. And then I would just add two things that I thought of as you were talking. One is I think adding some ritual to routines you want to have.
Starting point is 00:38:49 I've always been like, if you want to work out, you can just throw a yoga mat on the floor and just do a workout. And then my sister is a big person who's like, if you want to do a work session, light a beautiful candle, make it smell good, have a plant, have a beautiful work set up. I feel like I'm giving my sister a lot of shoutouts on this show. So hi, Katie. I know you're listening because you listen every week. But she's a big fan of ritualizing these daily events in our lives and making them feel beautiful. She kind of recommended it once when I was going through a hard period. And I was like, this does feel better.
Starting point is 00:39:19 And now when I meditate, I take some essential oils and I smell them beforehand. And I just make it feel a little bit more special and a little bit more nice. And if I'm going to cook a dinner, I'll light a candle and I'll put on some music and I'll kind of pretend I'm in a Nora Ephron movie. And I think that making the things you want to do in your life feel special and feel beautiful and feel like this lovely little way that you're taking care of yourself rather than a chore that you have to do. That mindset shift, I think makes things much, much easier. And then the second thing is that I asked you like, what are your low hanging fruit? I think that thinking about all routines and habits you want to add is like what is the lowest hanging fruit here is a real thing. really, really good way to look at it. So like instead of committing to 20 minutes of meditation a day,
Starting point is 00:40:09 can you commit to five minutes of meditation? Instead of committing to a whole out of the house workout that's an hour long, can you commit to 20 minutes? Just like what is the smallest step in the direction of the thing you want to get to? And then maybe you can build on that after you get there. You had Dr. Samantha Bordman on your show, right? Yes, I love her. She came on my show too a while ago when her book came up, she was talking about how to be motivated to make changes or incorporate these kind of things that you want to. And the idea was that you write down how you feel before and then the thing that you did and then how you feel after. Because sometimes when you can see, like, oh, I was feeling anxious and I was having ruminating thoughts. And then I did a five-minute
Starting point is 00:40:58 guided meditation and I felt a little bit less anxious or, you know, calm or whatever it was. Like creating those proof points for yourself, sort of. Yeah. When you have that evidence, I think then you're more motivated. And I feel like for me, maybe the reason why something like meditating is kind of low-hanging fruit, it's because it's become so habitual that I have the evidence in my head. I know what's going to happen.
Starting point is 00:41:24 Not every time, but, you know, net, net, I know what's going to happen when I make that commitment, whether it is five minutes or 20 minutes, once a day or twice a day, whatever it is. Well, that's another science of behavior change thing is that you need to identify or add a reward in. So if there's an inherent reward, you need to be able to recognize it, which is where I think that exercise is so genius. And then if there's not an inherent reward, if you're just doing something that, like, genuinely sucks, you need to add a reward, like give yourself a tootsie role or a metaphorical tutsie role at the end of whatever you're doing. And that's why I think sometimes if we're trying to work out because we hate our bodies and we just want to look a certain way.
Starting point is 00:42:05 It can be so much harder to motivate ourselves than if we want to work out because we want to feel energetic or less anxious or that we want to sleep better that night. These things that actually are pretty immediate rewards can make it so much easier to motivate yourself. Yeah. And so many people feel like, oh, I've fallen off or had this weekend where I drank and I ate too much and I didn't sleep and how do I get back on and they want to go in and punish themselves. And that is never going to be sustainable no matter what. And that goes for
Starting point is 00:42:36 what you were saying before, even about the rituals. If you're doing something because you feel like you have to do it, it's not going to be sustainable. But if you can reframe that and shift how you're looking at it and working out as an easy example, I want to work out because I want to sleep. Sleep is so important to me. I will do anything. And energy, more consistent energy. Those are dividends that pay continually because that is all going to touch other aspects of my life as well, similar to meditation. What habits or routines do you want to add in that you're like, haven't been able to nail yet?
Starting point is 00:43:10 I definitely need to get better at cooking more of my meals. I mean, it makes such a big difference in how I feel. And I think it's probably because of what I'm cooking and what I'm eating, but also, like I said before, that routine and that mindfulness, that happens when I'm going out and getting my groceries or getting them delivered or whatever, but sitting there and making something, there is a certain presence that you need to do that. And I can be running around. And if I order something, I can be in like fighter flight and just inhale it.
Starting point is 00:43:44 And then I have gut issues and it's just everything starts to fall apart. But that is definitely one thing that I want to get more consistent with that I have been doing. And I guess working out, which is something that I've been getting better at too, more consistently for those reasons that we listed. Mine is my phone in bed. I want to be like you and roll out of bed and meditate immediately. And I'll put my phone in the other room sometimes and that's when I'm so proud of myself. But sometimes if I'm having a hard time winding down, I've been feeling really anxious lately, I'll be like, you can be on your phone before you fall asleep. And then I'll fall asleep with my phone and then I'll reach for it in the morning. And then my entire day will feel worse. And I'm like,
Starting point is 00:44:19 you know exactly what you're doing. Why can't you stop doing this? I'm terrible with the phone in the morning. I don't know how people don't look at their phone for the first 30 minutes of the day. Beyond me. I mean, I have really good phone hygiene at night. Like, I have no problem putting on do not disturb at seven or something. And I love to read. And that's just because I need my sleep. Like, I need it. Otherwise, my whole life falls apart. And a good night's sleep starts, like, at that time for me before I even go to sleep. So that one has always been, again, kind of low-hanging fruit, good sleep hygiene. There was one night where I had the citizen app and it started pinging and I was like, what's happening? It was like 10.30 at night. Some woman drove her car off a cliff off Mulholland Drive into
Starting point is 00:45:06 Universal City. I'm watching the live streams and the helicopters for like an hour and a half. And finally I was like, Ariel, put it away. And I slept like shit that night. And I woke up and I was like, really, like you really had to do that. Like, I know what it's like, and that's kind of an extreme. But even if I'm just scrolling Instagram at 10 o'clock, that messes me up the next day. I also think it's wild. Sometimes I'll watch The House of the Dragon and then I'll try to go to sleep. And then I'll be like, oh, I slept really poorly.
Starting point is 00:45:36 And I'm like, yeah, I just watched some of the most graphic, awful stimulating television on the planet. And I think we do that to ourselves so much where we watch something, including social media, designed to stimulate you, television, and flashing lights. And they're like, oh, I like wonder why I slept where. And it's like, well, I don't know. Maybe your brain was processing the murder. Yes. Or the car rolling off the cliff.
Starting point is 00:45:58 If people listening to this, if they are readers, I feel like you might have this too. That Amber Reading Light from Amazon, it was like $10. Best investment I ever bought. I think you and I probably sold like 40,000 of these things. I feel like I post about it constantly and you post about it constantly. But it's like $10 and it's the best thing I've probably bought on the internet. Same. You just search like Amber Booklight or you can probably find it on either of our pages because we literally post about it.
Starting point is 00:46:24 I don't know how we got on to sleep hygiene. You were talking about the phone and rolling out of the bed meditating. And I was going to say, I check my email. I'll probably open up social media, check my texts, see what's going on and then I'll meditate. Otherwise, I'm sitting there meditating and I'm like, do I have that deadline today? Did I respond to blah, blah, what time is that thing? So I just kind of get it out of the way. I like to. That's not like the perfect way you're supposed to do it. But that's what works. for you and so that's what you do. I think there's something very empowering about recognizing. Just because these habits and routines work for other people and that's what we're supposed to do. That's what I'm constantly telling people about trying to wake up at 5 a.m. I'm like, if that works for you, do it. Wonderful. I'm standing over here applauding, but I'm standing over here plotting at like 8.30 because that's when I woke up. Do the habits and routines that work for you. And I think when you're trying to fit a square peg in a round hole, it's never going to work. Yeah. And this comes back to
Starting point is 00:47:15 what I was saying in the beginning about the inventory. And I think when people feel like they can't lock down a routine or can't incorporate good habits or whatever it is, I think writing it down and you can write down, what am I doing right now? What is my night routine and what do I want it to be? And then you look at the discrepancy and be like, oh, okay, I want to get in bed at 8, but I'm getting in bed at 10. Well, what can I do here? You don't have to get in bed at 8.05. maybe you get in bed at 930. Just see where you can be a little bit flexible and get a little bit closer to what it is that you want to be doing and just work your way there. We can't just snap our fingers and be different people. You have to kind of habituate yourself into it a little bit. And that happens over time. I think that's so true. Okay, I'm questioning my life
Starting point is 00:48:03 constantly all of the what ifs, especially crushes from the past, even though I'm happily married. How do I stop thinking that the grass is always greener? And I think let's talk about not just romantic relationships, but all facets of life. How do you become satisfied with what you have when we're in a world where we're constantly reminded of all of the other choices we could be making? This is a really hard one and it's one that I've been thinking about a lot lately. I think that even I'm susceptible to it, I definitely can get influenced by what's happening in other people's lives and feel like that should be happening in mine. and I think it's so much easier said than done, but there's that saying it's like not about having what you want, it's about wanting what you have. And that is something that I've been thinking about so much lately because I got to a place where I was so influenced by that, I think, that I became really dissatisfied with my life, even though I had so much abundance. And I don't
Starting point is 00:49:02 mean like things and material things, but like just relationships and love and interests and health and like all these good things. And I was so focused on what I didn't have and what I wanted. And I kind of lost sight of everything. And so that's something that I've been reckoning with a little bit. And I think really it comes down to gratitude as cheesy as that sounds. But we all have things to be grateful for. And that's one thing that I start my day with is a gratitude list, 10 things. And I send it to a friend. And it's that accountability piece. You just text it on your phone. Oh my gosh. I want to get a gratitude phone buddy. I'll be your gratitude buddy. Can you do too? You can we can do like a circle. I'm going to text you tomorrow morning. I'm going to text you my gratitude list. You know it works because like when I wake up in the
Starting point is 00:49:51 morning my baseline is not I wake up happy, joyous, free and excited. Like no. I am thinking of all the shit that I have to do and thinking about what I don't have and all of that stuff. And so that is a really good practice to have in the morning to shift the perspective a little bit. How specific are you with your gratitude? I'm grateful for my health. Or is it more like, I'm grateful that I get to have this smoothie today? I used to be a little more general. And then I found that I was just starting to kind of repeat the same things.
Starting point is 00:50:20 And so I get a little more granular with it. And I think that that helps. It's kind of like what you were saying before about like making these rituals, something that's beautiful. And it sounds so silly, but like romanticizing your life. I think it's just like putting the blinders on a little bit and looking at what you do have because no matter what your circumstances, there is so much to be grateful for.
Starting point is 00:50:44 That's what I've been doing. I also think to the point of putting your blinders on, sometimes we do have so much exposure to all of the other paths in life. And I don't think everybody should live with their head in the sand, but I do think sometimes minimizing that exposure can be a good thing. So if you're happy in your relationship for the most part, but you're always wondering what your life would be like if you had married an ex, I'd be like, maybe you should unfollow that X on social media. Maybe you shouldn't be following every moment of that person's life because I think
Starting point is 00:51:12 that when we're living another story, it can be hard to really be present in our own. And then if you're not being present in your own, of course it's going to feel worse. And if you're not truly living the moments of the life that you've chosen, of course it's going to feel worse comparatively. So I would say minimize that exposure in that way. I love how you phrase that. Minimize exposure. That is something that I have done a lot of, not just in this past year. I think that we have a lot more control over it than we think. And obviously, there's messaging from everywhere coming at us in all directions. But we do largely control what we're exposed to. I feel like that's a huge problem with like modern dating is that nobody wants to commit because there's too many options and you
Starting point is 00:52:00 have exposure to everything that's out there. And obviously, this is dependent on the people. But But I see a lot of my friends who are dating and I'm just like, wow, this is crazy. You're constantly looking at what else is out there. Have you heard of the secretary problem for the secretary equation? Okay, so this is, I think, incredibly sexist. But it comes about from, I think, the 50s. And the idea is that if you were choosing your secretary, God, I wish I could have like very quickly off the cuff come up with a way to make this feel more modern.
Starting point is 00:52:31 But when you were interviewing people to be your secretary, you should interview a bunch of of people, I forget how many, but like a certain number, and then you get a baseline of like what a good secretary is. I hate that I'm saying like what a good secretary is. Anyway, you get a baseline for what a good secretary is. Let's say you interview 20 secretaries. After that point, you should go with the person who's within the top 20 percent of what you've decided that baseline is, like the next best within 20 percent margin of error person within that baseline. And we're starting to do that with our nightmarish house hunt in L.A. where it's like, know what the lay of the land is. Maybe the next house isn't going to be perfect. But if we can get
Starting point is 00:53:11 something within that top 20% with the information we have, we can make that work. And I kind of feel like dating is the same way. Like once you have the lay of the land, instead of exhausting yourself looking for somebody who is 100% perfect, can you pick somebody who is at the top edge of that lay of the land and then give it a fair shot. Yeah, I remember talking to a friend, but we were talking about getting everything from one person and how realistic is it to get everything from one person? Because I feel like we're exposed to everybody's perfect relationship. And then we're like, well, my relationship isn't like that. Well, maybe I should have married that guy from high school or whatever it is. It's just so unrealistic. And I remember my friend saying to me, I think you need to make a
Starting point is 00:53:57 list and write down the most important things to you. And if you're getting those top five things or whatever it is, but like get it down on paper and look at it instead of being like, well, I have this, but not this. And he does this, but not that. Put it down. And then you can kind of see if you're aligned and having your main things fulfilled. I think there's a lot of power in making a choice and standing behind your choice. I think we can question our choices forever. But I think there's an immense amount of power that can be found. And I say this is a horribly indecisive, fomo, grass is always greener person. But there's a lot of power when I've said, I choose this choice and I'm going to give this choice a really fair shot. I think for some of us, it seems easier to change circumstances than to
Starting point is 00:54:48 work through something. And I don't think that that is always the best thing. And I think that it can be kind of instinctual. Like, this is really hard. So I think I would rather do that. And I totally get that. And I think that that happens in relationships so much. Relationships go through rough patches all the time. And I know from a lot of my married friends, they're like, we've had terrible years, plural, like terrible years. And we've had great years. And we've gotten through that. And thank God I didn't leave. And obviously some people are not meant to be together. So I'm not saying like stay together no matter what, but I think that especially because of the exposure and because we are influenced and constantly seeing what other people are doing and what their relationships look like. And we kind of get
Starting point is 00:55:38 this fantasy like, oh, it would just be so much better if I had married that guy or if I was in a relationship with this guy. And that's not always the case. Sometimes the harder thing is more rewarding and often the easier thing in the moment will be later followed by a harder thing anyway. Sounds legit. All right, let's do one more and let's end on a very different note. My boyfriend of five years has never gone down on me despite me asking, how do I ask him if it's never really going to happen? Are we just not sexually compatible? Resentment is starting to set in. Ooh, well, resentment definitely is not going to make for a sexy times. Isn't that the best foreplay?
Starting point is 00:56:21 Not the best for play. I don't know that I would jump necessarily to we're not sexually compatible. I'm trying to think how I would enter that conversation and broach that topic. How would you approach it? I feel like I would ask if there was something that was making him not want to do it, if I had already asked in the past. I would be like, is this something that, you know, you don't feel like you're adept at or like, could we, try this together, could we learn about it together? Because I think that the part of our brain that's the negative part wants to be like, oh, they just don't want to go down on me. They don't
Starting point is 00:56:59 want me to feel good. They don't care about my needs. But I would try to explore to find out if there was something else getting in the way and if we could problem solve together to get over that hump, I think. Yeah, I like the us and the we part because I feel like, especially when it comes to sexual things. People can feel really defensive and kind of attacked if somebody was like, is there a reason why you don't want to do this? Do you not feel like you're good at it or something? That I feel like for me, I would close up. Like what can we do to make this something that would be exciting for both of us? This is something that I'm really excited about. What can we do to have this be something we incorporate into our sex life? Yeah. And I'm a big fan of the compliment sandwich. So I would be like,
Starting point is 00:57:44 I love you. And I love when you do this. I actually think that's really important with sexual stuff is saying the things that make you feel really satisfied and great. Because everybody has that like, am I satisfying my partner, you know, back of their head thought, you know? Yeah. So I think if the person felt like they weren't, then they would probably start to get kind of defensive. So yeah, I would start with I love you and then maybe say I love trying new things together. and I feel like we could feel so much closer if we tried this.
Starting point is 00:58:18 I would just be as loving and supportive as possible and also emphasize, like, I think it's really sexy when or like it makes me really turned on when because, yeah, that person is going to want to satisfy that. Nothing makes people want to do stuff more than hearing. Oh my gosh, I get so turned on when or I think it's so sexy when. I do think that that positive framing of darting with not even pointing out that it's a problem maybe, now that you say that could, you know, maybe later be like, oh, well, what can we do to address this? But starting off with like, I think it's so sexy.
Starting point is 00:58:52 I love this. I think we should do this. I'm so great. And same thing. I've used this strategy for therapy as well and been like, I feel so connected when we're communicating. And that emotional connection is what really fuels my desire. And it's like, when are we going?
Starting point is 00:59:10 Let's make the appointment tomorrow. Would it be a red flag for you if you did all of that and then the boyfriend still doesn't want to go down? I think it depends. Like if he's, let's say he's just like, it's gross, I don't like it. It's not something I'm interested in doing. That would be a little red flaggy for me because I feel like when you love somebody and you want them to feel good, not saying you have to do things that you don't want to, obviously consensual. But like, I mean, do we all really love giving blow jobs? Like, not always, but like you got to take one for the team.
Starting point is 00:59:50 Well, and I think there's something beautiful about being like, I feel good by making you feel good. Yes. And an unwillingness to do something like that kind of takes away from this idea that we feel good by making our partners feel good. Exactly. Yeah, I think you hit the nail on the head. It's like when you love somebody, like that does make you. feel good. That is part of the relationship. And I think if somebody said, like, oh, I'm just really grossed out by it, it would feel like that person didn't necessarily have my feelings and wasn't
Starting point is 01:00:20 really valuing me so much. Yeah, I agree with that. Okay, so try positivity. Then try problem solving. Complement sandwich. Complement sandwich. Love the way you kiss my neck. Can you go down to me? And also your hair looks really great today. Or you can like get toys. Oh, like one that enables that of thing, something that's specifically designed to be used with a tongue. That's kind of fun. Let's try this out together. I like that. Okay, good luck. May the force be with you. We're praying for you, girl. We're rooting for you over here. All right. Do you want to tell people about where they can find you and your wonderful podcast? Sure. So everyone can find me on Instagram at Ariel Lori. And from there, they can find my podcast, the Blonde Files podcast on Dear Media.
Starting point is 01:01:04 and my TikTok is Ariel Lori. My website is Ariel Lori. But Instagram is kind of home base. And all sorts of stuff. It's like wellness. You have fashion. You have like the best taste in fashion. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:01:19 You have a whole gammy of recipes. I just feel like your content really runs the gamut in a really nice way. Thank you. I appreciate that. I try to niche down and it's what I like. I'm going to do a TikTok about this, but I actually think the idea of your TikTok feed becoming more and more narrow based on your 4U page and the algorithm is stupid.
Starting point is 01:01:39 And I think the idea of content creators having to niche down to have people see their content is stupid because we are all multifaceted people and having to be like, I do Taylor Swift reviews and that is my personality. That's not good for anybody. Yeah. I saw a TikTok that was like, you don't have to niche down because you are your niche. Like, you're the niche. I love that.
Starting point is 01:02:00 You are your niche. And thank you so much for joining us today. Thank you. I hope you loved this conversation with Ariel. She is just such a calming presence, and I felt like I was hearing the perspective of a really wise friend. I am definitely going to try her practice of texting the gratitude list every single morning. I absolutely love that idea. And I hope you're walking away from this episode feeling confident and ready to prioritize the things that will make you the happiest, healthiest version of yourself.
Starting point is 01:02:27 If you would like to have your questions answered on any future advice episode of the Healthier Together podcast, send them over to ask at Liz Moody. They're always totally anonymous. We will be back next month with a new special guest, so tune in for that. But we will have our normal episodes every single Wednesday, and we have amazing ones coming up, including an episode about how to find your purpose in life and an Ask the doctor's sleep edition. So subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, so you do not miss out on anything. Also, come join the Healthier Together Podcast Club Facebook group so we can all share and learn
Starting point is 01:03:00 and grow together. It is linked in the show notes, or you can just search Healthier Together Podcast Club on Facebook and it should come right up. Okay, I love you and I will see you next week on the next episode of the Healthier Together podcast. I very rarely get genuinely excited about skincare, but this is one of the most innovative products that I have come across in years and I am so obsessed with it. I've been telling all of my friends to get it, so now I need to tell you guys. Here's some science first. Your skin isn't just getting older. It's being actively broken down by something called senescent cells. These are cells that have stopped functioning but refused to die. They sit there
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