The Liz Moody Podcast - Heather McMahan Unfiltered: Sex, Money, Beauty Standards, and More

Episode Date: February 19, 2025

Heather McMahan knows how to turn grief into comedy, insecurity into confidence, and discomfort into comfort. She sits down to tell us how to know what you truly need & not be afraid to demand it so you can navigate grief, relationships, beauty standards, and more.  Importantly, Heather doles out advice about how to maintain confidence, particularly as a public figure in a world with unending opinions – and how to handle all of it with a sense of humor. 02:28 Red Carpet Fashion Struggles 09:36 Coping With Grief & Loss 25:55 Careers vs. Relationships 32:57 Tips For Long-Distance Relationships 34:20 Navigating IVF & Fertility Challenges 39:39 Communicating Effectively 43:18 Spicing Up Your Sex Life 55:03 Hollywood Beauty Standards & Plastic Surgery For more from Heather, you can find her on Instagram at @heatherkmcmahan or online at www.heatherontour.com. Watch her comedy special, Son I Never Had, on Netflix or listen to her podcast, Absolutely Not. Ready to uplevel every part of your life? Order Liz’s book 100 Ways to Change Your Life: The Science of Leveling Up Health, Happiness, Relationships & Success now!  To join The Liz Moody Podcast Club Facebook group, go to www.facebook.com/groups/thelizmoodypodcast. Connect with Liz on Instagram @lizmoody or online at www.lizmoody.com. Subscribe to the substack by visiting https://lizmoody.substack.com/welcome. This episode is sponsored by: Seed: go to seed.com/lizmoody and use code LIZMOODY for 25% off your first month. Wildgrain: go to Wildgrain.com/LIZMOODY for $30 off the first box - PLUS a free item in every box. The Liz Moody Podcast cover art by Zack. The Liz Moody Podcast music by Alex Ruimy. Formerly the Healthier Together Podcast.  This podcast and website represents the opinions of Liz Moody and her guests to the show. The content here should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for information purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare professional for any medical questions. The Liz Moody Podcast Episode 305. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Heather, welcome to the podcast. Hi, thanks for having me. What does your grief feel like now? I had a part where I would just go to Chipotle like five times a week and just eat my feelings. I think that's one of the phases. It is, yeah. And then Xanax and white wine is like, I was in that for about four years. I try to have patience with other people who haven't been through anything because I'm like, once you're on this side, you'll see things totally different.

Curious if you have any advice for anybody listening who is struggling with their confidence, especially when they're in situations where society is telling you that you need to be one way. Let's get into some sex questions. What are your tips for keeping things spicy in the long term? Hello, friends, and welcome to the Liz Moody podcast, where every week we are sharing real science, real stories, and realistic tools that actually level up every part of your life. I'm your host, Liz Moody, and I'm a best-selling author and longtime journalist. Today's episode is such a good one.

I am very excited to welcome Heather McMahon to the podcast. Heather is one of my all-time favorite stand-up comedian. and she is the host of the podcast. Absolutely not with Heather McMahon. And you can catch her newest special breadwinner on Hulu. Also, she's on tour around the country right now. So check out Heatherontour.com for dates to go see her live. I am definitely personally going to go try to catch a show.

Heather and I had a very wide-ranging, very vulnerable raw and of course very funny conversation. Heather has such a unique perspective on life and she has been through a ton. She lost her father to cancer. She moved her mother in with her. She navigated a long-distance relationship and being the female breadwinner in that relationship. We also talk a lot about Hollywood beauty standards and how hard that can be on mental health. And we answer a bunch of your advice questions that you sent in. And it's just a really jam-packed and juicy episode.

There is a lot of information in this episode. So if you want some key takeaways when you're done listening, head over to lizmoody. Substack.com and sign up for our Burrower. brand sparkly new newsletter, which has action steps for each episode as well as meal plans, workout plans, bonus interviews. We actually have this week today an interview with Heather where she shares her morning routine, the products that she's bought that have that have changed her life the most, her mental health must-haves, and more. And that is over at lizmoody.

com. Heather, welcome to the podcast. Hi, thanks for having me. I'm so excited to have you here. I just watch you on TV. You look stunning. You're so sweet. You look so beautiful.

I appreciate it. It's so nerve-wracking because I'll tell you what, it's been a humbling week because even though you hire the stylist and you think you're going to have all these options, if you're bigger than a size eight in this town, people do not send you things. I've had this one designer who keeps dressing me and I feel so beautiful in all their clothes, the brand's name to Dashi. But let me tell you what, like other designers who say that they make stuff for bigger girls, they do not have stuff to send.

So it's all kind of bullshit. For the longest time I was like, okay, whatever, I'm just going to like ride this wave. You want to feel confident and beautiful. But when your stylist calls and brands are actively turning people down, it has been the most humbling week. This is all first world problems, vain bullshit. But I just want you to know, like, I've had calls all day where it's like, I have another ward show coming up this weekend. And, you know, my other like coes and stuff, they have 65 options. And I'm lucky if we can go to a TJ Max and get something in the fucking back. You know what I mean? I've lost my mind today. I'm really coming in hot. Well, how does that

not fuck with you? I mean, it's like you can feel beautiful in your everyday life. You can feel like you have body neutrality, body confidence, whatever you want, but then you see yourself on TV, and then you have these very real situations. Like, I cannot find a literal dress. And it's wild. I mean, listen, I'm very broad and I know I have like big boobs and stuff, but the fact that there are other designers that are just not making bigger sizes. And I know that there's other actresses and comedians and other women who are curvy. But when I, and I've talked to some of my other girlfriends in the biz and I won't throw them under the bus at all because I'll publicly talk about it. But I'm literally like, the options are so slim. It's insane. It's infuriating. I've been

in a bad mood all morning. I'm like, fuck this, fuck these people. Are you looking for a dress for critics choice right now? You just did Golden Globes. Yes. I just did Golden Globes. And, you know, you just want to feel like when you're going into some of these fittings that you have a lot of options and you really don't. And so I think there's this idea in Hollywood that everybody is so inclusive and yes, designers are making stuff. They're not. They're not. They just aren't. So forget them. So how do you maintain your confidence amongst that? I cry a lot after I leave a fitting, but I also know that I have a very beautiful face. It's like I know I'm so I know I'm going to pull it off.

But it is. It does take a toll on you because I love glamour. I love glitz. I love all of that. You know, my style, even in comedy is, you know, tipping my hat to Joan Rubbers because that's, she always looked fabulous. It does take a toll on you.

Like this whole week, I called my husband the other day. I was like, this fucking sucks. Like, I'm just going to be honest. It makes me feel like shit that I don't have the same options as the other gals. Everybody has her dress. I always have my dress like, you know, three minutes before the show is about to start.

I'm getting an approval from the studio. So it's tough. Yeah. I mean, again, first world problems. No, of course. It's hard to see yourself on screen. I struggle with every podcast episode that I see every time I see myself in social media.

I'm like, is that what I look like? Yeah. And I try to tell myself all the mantras and tell myself your body is for living, not looking and stuff. But it's like, well, hundreds of thousands of people are looking at it right here, you know? And it's tricky. And you also, on camera specifically, you want to feel like you can move and do your job. Like even for my specials and when I go on tour, I always have a uniform.

I have somebody custom make something. But that little sparkle set? Every domain? Everything I have. My girlfriend will show me her Moomoo. She and I will collab. And then I have this great gal who's one of the designers at S&L, Jill Breem. So she'll work with Moomoo. They'll create something. So I have a uniform on the road. So I don't have to worry about when I'm going to work what I'm going to wear. I don't want to worry about that. So I have my uniform and a bunch of different colors. And I always have things that can be custom. But getting custom like evening wear is a totally different ballgame than making kind of costumes. You know, I've always been smart about how I wheel and deal. But I'll tell you what. It's just one of those things. You're out there on the right carpet. You're around all these beautiful people. But people don't realize, like, everybody in Hollywood, they're tiny. They're tiny. Both, like, width and height.

High. They're my height, which I like. Yeah, they're my height, which I like. I'm like, oh, you're just like me. But, like, they're tiny. And I went to Al Broad who's always felt like I needed to be taller. Like, I am 5'9 and I will wear stiltoes. And just because it fits me and my personality.

But at one point during the live stream for the Globes, I did it just take off my shoes and go barefoot because the men that kept coming up. Jason Siegel was the only guy who I, like, could look up to. So I was like, screw it. I've got to take my shoes off because I was towering over everybody. Do you think it makes them insecure? Not even, I'm not even worried about making them insecure. But at some point, it's like I know that the camera's only saying the top of my head because I keep having to stare down at everybody.

Yeah. Okay. So this is an advice episode. I'm curious if you have any advice for anybody listening who is struggling with their confidence, especially when they're in situations where society is telling you that you need to be one way. I have always, even in like my career, it's funny that I came in hot just bitching about. that I can't buy anything to wear because I know people are going to get annoyed and be like, all, Heather, you know, you figured it out.

We all struggle with it, right? But I know at the end of the day, like, even if I'm wearing a trash bag, I've got to feel sexy in it, right? It's all about your mindset. At the end of the day, I think I get myself into these situations because I am overly confident. I'm like, no, I'm going to figure it out. But it doesn't mean that you don't have those inward thoughts thinking I'm insignificant, I don't compare to the other girls.

We're always going to have those feelings. I, just with comedy, I end up always talking out loud about my institution. security and twisting it and finding a cathartic way to like release that through humor. That's just how I've always been. Oh, that's so interesting. So if something's bothering me, I have to talk about it outwardly, you know. And make it funny? And make it fun.

Does that like give you ownership over it kind of? Yeah, I guess. But also it's just like somebody, I know someone else is dealing with this. I know there's another girl with broad shoulders and big titties who's also feeling the exact same way as she's trying to find a power blazer that works to go to her corporate job. Like I know that we're all trying to figure it out. It's almost like a sense of community that other people are feeling that way.

I don't know how to outwardly give somebody advice. Because when I look at other people who might feel the same way about their body or, you know, their looks or whatever, I'm like, you're gorgeous. It's like we're all just self-loathing. So it's really the conversation that I have to have with myself. I don't know if that even makes sense. It does. It also makes me wonder if we changed what we aspired to from being like, I want to feel

about this thing, to be like, I want to not feel alone in this thing. Because it is crazy how different you feel if you're just like, it's not just me. Well, you know, for my first comedy special, I talked about my journey with IVF because I was going through it and I'm sitting in this IVF clinic with 200 other women every day getting our blood drawn and, you know, getting our levels checked. And I was sitting around going, we all became friends. You know, everybody was doing a retrieval at the same time. You end up becoming buddies. And I'm sitting there going like, why is, why did nobody prepare me for this? Because I had had plenty of other girlfriends that had gone through it.

We talked about it afterwards and they were like, because we literally were just like trying to keep our head above water. So what do you mean prepare you? like what do you wish you'd been prepared for? The physical, emotional, mental, financial strain, all of it. You don't know what you know, what you don't know until you do it. I was not prepared. I was not prepared whatsoever. And then I went through it and I'm like, you guys, I started talking about it on my podcast. And then people started calling in. They're like, Heather, we also went through this. And so I had to, of course, go on tour and talk about it on stage because that's how I moved through things. Anything in my life, whether it's been the loss of my father, dealing with IVF, any struggle in my life,

I've always found a way to bring humor to it because that's just how I move through it. And that's just me. A lot of people like to talk to somebody they're close with. I talk about it in front of thousands of people. Well, and it takes like the shame away from it. I think there's this idea that grief is a fascinating thing because I'm going through my first kind of period of real grief in my life recently. And it's fascinating because you feel like, oh, I can't get through this.

This is impossible to get through. And then it's like every person on the planet is going to go through this or has gone through this. some point. So you feel alone, but it's the most universal experience that exists. But it's interesting. You need to watch this movie. And I'm so sorry whatever you're going through, but you need to watch this movie called Other People. It's incredible. The whole idea is essentially, you always think bad things are going to happen to other people. And then when it happens to you, you're now those other people. It got me through my dad's death. My dad died very quickly, very tragically of cancer. Happened like he died in a week. We had no idea. So it wasn't like

we went through a typical cancer journey of, okay, we have a fighting chance. We're going to do chemo. There was no, there was no sense of hope. It was just he was dying. When I watched other people, I was like, somebody in an art form is able to explain how I feel, that now you're just on the other side. And once you go through grief,

you're obviously in a different community, but I just had a completely different mindset. And now it's been interesting because it's giving me a lot of grace for other people who have not had any traumatic situation happen in their life. And of course, good for them. Like, you know, we all want our friends to be happy and healthy. But it really has given me a lot of grace for people's actions because I'm like,

oh, they just don't get it yet. You know, you haven't been there yet. I try to have patience with other people who haven't been through anything because I'm like, once you're on this side, you'll see things totally different. You'll have a different point of view, a different perspective.

How do you think that it's changed you, like specifically? Life is short. I don't let things bother me. I've never been a real negative person. I almost to a fault where I probably will get taken advantage of one day because I'm always like, well, we're going to be fine, we'll figure it out.

You know, I'll have like a business manager rob me blind. But I was like, you was a great guy. Let's keep him around. I don't let things really get me upset. And I know this is such a juxt position because I came in here like, I can't find a trash rate of critics choice. But again, I titched about it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I don't take stuff home with me. The only thing that I struggle with really truly is like interpersonal relationships. Because I know, God forbid, something could happen to you tomorrow, Liz. And then I'm like, oh my God, like I didn't, I left things unresolved. So for me, I'm always trying to fix things now.

because tomorrow could be your last day. So you're almost like acutely aware that we do not. And I'm sure also because your dad's death was so quick, it felt so out of the blue. It's its own form of trauma how quick it was. Oh, absolutely. I mean, there are days. We just had the nine-year anniversary. And the other day, I was like, what happened?

When it happened so quickly, it feels like it was just yesterday. It feels like it was 40 years ago. They say that like grief gets better with time. I disagree. I just posted about this today. Really? Because I feel like with time, I feel further and further away. I lost my cat of 15 years and I'm just like she was my baby.

And actually it's so interesting because so many people are like, are you worried by sharing this with people who have lost people that you'll insult them or they'll be like, that's not real grief. And I have to say the people who have lost people have been the most welcoming, the most accepting. It's been a really interesting experience. The people who have not lost anybody are like, oh, should you say that? I don't know.

The people have lost people who've lost children, who've lost parents have been like, come in, join me in this grief. Let me help you. Let me. and it's been so interesting. But I was saying that the more time that passes, I don't feel healed. I feel further from the time that I was with her.

It feels harder almost. Yeah, I hear you on that. I had somebody DM me once, I swear to God, let's somebody DM me and goes, I wish you'd post more photos of your dad. We could see other photos. And I responded, and they knew that my father had passed. I said, hey, honey, these are the only photos I have because he's dead. Oh, my God.

What? Like, did you think I'm going to like, CGI, AI, some new photos? What? And I realized that they. just wanted more, but I was like, I also would love more memories with my dad, but I don't have anymore. People are stupid and they will say stupid things to you and you have to let it roll off your back. I will say with my sense of humor, obviously, it's so, it's, I mean, it's always been dark, but now nothing, I laugh at the darkest, most, I'm, can I curse,

I've been cursing a lot of this, most fucked up shit. Like it makes, there's nothing you can say that will offend me, hurt my feelings. I've got really thick skin. I can handle it. So what does your grief feel like now like nine years in? It's interesting. I'm at a very angry state. You didn't already tell. I got really angry this past Christmas. So my dad passed away at Christmas and I was ultra angry because I realized how it has changed the dynamics amongst my family. That has been tough. You know, you go through the different stages, anger, denial. You know, I had a part where I would just go to Chipotle like five times a week and just eat my feeling. I think that's one of the phases. It is. And then Xanax and white wine is like I was in. I was in.

that for about four years. But I get very angry. Like with business things, I want to call my dad. I don't have anybody to be a sounding boarder to give me that stage advice. I really want to call my dad. It always ebbs and flows, but right now I'm in the cycle of I'm angry because I think things would be different or, you know, I would be able to handle this in a better situation or I'd understand this better if I could lean on my dad. And I know my sister feels that way. I'm sure my mom feels that way about certain things. But it's just kind of like there's this void missing. There's this big void in my life, which is this wonderful man who was so wise and I had a great with. On the other end of that, though, I have so many girlfriends who don't have great

relationships with their dads. I feel for them. I really do. I encourage them to fix the situation, but if you can't, you can't, it is what it is. But I also feel so blessed. I had like 26 great years with my dad. I had the best dad. So I'd rather have that short time with him than no time and have a shitty dad. So it is still glass-half-full for me. Was it interesting being there for your mom while also grieving yourself? I know your mom moved in with you. ultimately. And you moved back to Georgia. Yeah, I literally moved back into my childhood home. Yeah, to be there for your mom during that time, right? So how did you navigate being there for her,

but also grieving yourself? Well, it's interesting. Again, it kind of has changed dynamics. There was one point where my husband was like, Heather, you can't be your mom's husband, best friend, sister, daughter. Not that I meant to, but took on that role of like, well, I want to protect my mom. I want to take care of her. It's also interesting when my dad died, and we have great, wonderful people in our community around us and had such great family friends. But man, people will come out of the woodwork that just shady people can come out. And especially have- Oh, not in a good way, not like, oh, I have these great memories to share. No, no, no, there's great people.

But then you also have random people like, hey, your dad said he was going to loan me some money for my new business. And you're like, who are you? I've never heard of you. Yeah. I mean, there was probably 800 people at my dad's funeral. That's how loved he was in our community. He was just like the mayor of Atlanta. He's just like the best guy.

But, yeah, I also kind of swooped in and became very protective of my mom. Like, I don't trust a lot of people. my husband feels that way. You know, I just want to like keep an eye on her. But it did change a lot of dynamics. Like I felt like I had to step up in a different way. And at the time, I was trying to figure my career out. So I also dealt with like a lot of anger towards that situation.

Like, okay, here I am trying to figure my life out. My career was going this way and it had to pivot this way. Obviously, it's turned out fine. But I still have moments too where it's bittersweet. So now all these good things have happened in my life career-wise that I always dreamed about. And my dad knew this what I always wanted to do in comedy. but he's also not here to see it. So it's always a give and take.

It's wild. It's a real rollercoaster of emotion. Yeah. It's also like, do you feel like it's going to be a give and take forever? Like it's never going to just be, oh, this great thing again because it's always going to have this layer of grief. There will always be something new. You'll always feel something. And again, it happened nine years ago.

I think I did a very healthy job of like working through it. But damn it, like the week before his anniversary of his death, it's not even the day of. The day of, I'm like, fuck it. I've already lost my shit this week, so I'm fine. But man, that week before, I just, I lose it. I lose it. And my husband knows, he's like, you just need to go to the beach for a couple days. Is that what you do?

Is that like your happy place? Yes, it's usually my happy place. I mean, it's changed family traditions, dynamics. It's been a wild ride. Some days you think you're good. And then a random Tuesday in November, I'll just be in a Costco parking lot hysterically crying, eating a hot dog, you know? Like, it's like, what are you going to do?

It will always ebb and flow. It feels like you're really good at allowing yourself to, feel whatever you need to feel or do whatever you need to do. Is that true? I mean, I'm an old show pony, so the show must go on. I'm very good at like burying things so deep and then being able to perform. But when I am in those private moments with myself, I have a good hearty cry and then I let it go. My best advice for people going through grief, you feel it coming on. If you're in a, you know, a good place, you're like, I'm not in a public place. I'm in my car, wherever where you feel comfortable to let it rip. Let it rip. And then immediately go get your blood sugar stable. Get a cookie.

Some sort of like peanut butter treat, a glass of wine if you like to enjoy a beverage, and then settle down. Because I feel like after a good cry, you need some sort of like cheese and cracker or something to like get a little fat protein fiber back in your body. And then you're like, once you have a cry and a snack, you're like, all right, I can go on about my day. So that's my tip and trick to everybody going through grief. Have some cheese and crackers, like a little chicanery and maybe a little white wine

or an ice coffee, whatever you enjoy. And then you're going to be okay. Has it ever come on in times that you're like, oh, this is not appropriate? Oh, yes. Like on stage? You know, it's never come out on stage. My first big tour and for my first special, I talked about my dad's funeral and about him dying

because there were so many funny things that happened around that, if you can believe it. After I shot that special, I shot it in Kentucky, I walked off this stage. It was my last time performing this material. And I just lost my shit. I lost my shit. And my dear friend, Jen Zabrowski, who directed my special,

she comes back to stage. She's like, you crushed it, you nailed it. And I mean, she thought I was up. upset about the performance. I was like, I just, it was cathartic. I mean, I get goosebumps singing about it. I was just like, it was done. It was done. It was released. And I'm like, I got to put it to bed. So it's, I don't know. It's a weird feeling. I can't really describe it. I mean, yeah, I cry in public all the time, you know. I do too. I did this like, walking therapy. And the therapist was like, are you going to be okay if we're like out in public

and you happen to crying? And I'm like, I lived in New York for a decade. Like I am a public cryer. I'm very good at this time. You're like, put me on the subway at rush hour. It's a New York right of passage, I think. But you cannot call yourself a New Yorker until you've cried publicly. I totally agree with that. Yeah. And give yourself grace. I mean, truly, if you have a moment, feel it, and then just go get a snack and let it go.

That's all you can do. The snack is part that I've never heard anybody say before, and it feels like an important part of the equation. It's so important because you've just released all. I feel like it's also like trace minerals. Like you've released the sodium, the magnesium, the zinc, whatever. You need to then replenish. Thank you.

We're like highly dehydrated. We love mechanisms of action on this package. See, I do too. And I have followed you on Instagram for a really long time. because I have always loved your tips and tricks. So I need to come to you. I know you're asking me things, but I need like a full wellness update.

I will do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I need you to like read my words, take a crystal up my ass and send me home with some. Might not be the right girl for that. It's fine. It's fine. Whatever feels good to you.

I'll do. One listener question that I got a lot was I'm going through grief and I feel like my friends are not showing up for me in a way that feels good. Like they'll show up for me briefly and then they'll die off or not die off, literally. They'll show up for me briefly and then they'll stop showing up. You're like, where the fuck are these people? Yeah.

Again, I encourage everybody to go watch the movie other people, okay? Just go watch it. Jesse Plumman's is in it. Molly Shannon's in it. It's incredible. It is a game changer for me. It explained everything that I was feeling, it checked all the boxes. But also, give your friends grace.

And I'm not saying make excuses. You know, if anybody ever comes up to you and they say, everything happens for a reason or they're in a better place, you immediately tell that person to their face, hey Cheryl, thanks so much for coming to the funeral. Go fuck yourself and just walk away and understand that they're coming from a place of honestly you've got to feel sorry for people like that.

It's ignorance. They've never experienced it. But give your close friends grace. And I would just be honest with them like, hey, I'm really feeling it this week. Any way we can have some extra time together or like, I really need your help. People who have, again, who have not experienced grief,

don't understand how to navigate that. And I realized that. Then when I was on the other side of it And I had other friends who had had parents pass or, you know, things that were important to them. Tragic moments happened. I went and apologized. I said, oh, my God, I am so sorry. Oh, I've been on an apology tour.

I have literally, because I've like, I had no idea that you were physically feeling these things, that you were mentally feeling these things. I have apologized to probably 20 of my friends. Yeah. Which makes me feel awful. But it's just like I really had no idea that it felt like this. And how did they take it? The most generously that I could ever picture. Yeah.

Yeah. Everyone at some point will be in that position where you're like, you didn't know what you didn't know until you know it. Yeah. I retreat, though. My problem is when I feel sad and I need my friends to be there, I retreat into myself and I ignore my text and I ignore my calls. And I'm like, why are you doing this? This is counterproductive. You're over-stimulated right now. So just also consider that. I also, too, feel that way. I only like to cry to like two people. And it's not that I'm embarrassed by it or that I just don't also want everybody to worry. I am one of those people. I will worry, sit up and worry about you, but I don't want you worry about me. So I have my husband. I have my best friend, Mary, at home. And they're the two people in my life that I can really, like, sob do, you know? And just keep those people that you know that get what's going on because they're there with you every moment.

And let them be a part of that. And then your mom lives with you now. Yes, yes. We live with her, however you want to slice it. Yes, we are three-s company. Like, is it fun? What's the hard parts? Listen, it is amazing.

I love my mom. She's incredible. But it's tough. I mean, my husband and I are newlyweds. and we have essentially, we say, our 77-year-old toddler. I also live vicariously through my mom. Like, you know, she wants to start dating and she hasn't, and I get worried, I'm like, okay, if I'm on the road

and I track my mom's phone and I see that she's sitting at the bar with the same four people and I want her to get out. Like, I am probably a little smothering to her right now because I'm like, where are you? I see her at a T.J. Max. Well, there's not going to be any cute guys at a T.J. Max on a Friday night, mom, you know, I want her to get out. But I also know it's hard to, like, change your routine when you get older.

So I am like that nagging mom. The roles have reversed. I am the nagging mom. Was she that for you when you were younger? Of course. She was so far up my ass. It was unbelievable. But that's why I never got into any like intense trouble.

You know, I was like drink and smoke weed in high school. But I never really was a bad kid because my mom was literally up my ass. Yeah. It works. No, it really does. I don't believe in gentle parenting. I think you've got to be up their ass. So you're not gentle parenting your mother at this point.

No. Oh, absolutely not. I'm literally like, Robin, get, you know, I see where she is. I'm like, get out of Target right now. you don't need more chotchkes. No, I let her have it. What are the positive parts of it? Because I'm a huge fan of communal living. And I think like what's interesting about your situation is it wasn't uncommon 50, 100 years ago. It's wildly uncommon now. Yeah. And I think it's interesting that you're sort of going back to that. I'll tell you what. I think it's so unbelievable how our society really disrespectfully

throws away older people. And I'm lucky. I have a great relation with my mom. I adore her. We have a ton of fun. We fight like cats and dogs. But she, I can be like, mom, you're just. I can be like, mom, Drive me fucking nuts. Take a, you know, go take a walk. And then 10 minutes later, we're good. So I'm grateful. I have a good relation with her. But I'm also like, I don't want her to ever feel lonely.

Like the thought of my mom sitting home and being lonely or sad or not having a sense of community, oh, my God, that breaks my heart. I just rewatch the holiday, right? I don't know if you remember the holiday. Well, but when Kate Winslet finds Arthur, the guy next door, the older guy, that's me. I told my husband, I said, if I ever take a big break from, you know, work or her comedy, I'm going to just volunteer at a retirement. community and hang out. I love being around wise people. I was also the kid growing up. I always want to be around the parents. I always want to be around older people. Jane Fonda said always have friends that are 10 years younger than you because they keep you fresh, but I'm also like have friends

like King Fonda. That's why I think it's the intergenerational living is fun because we can live, they can learn so much from the younger generations and then we can learn so much from the older generations. Now, don't get me wrong. I do wake up every morning. I make my coffee and my mom is showing me some horrible conspiracy theory video on YouTube. And I'm like, Mom, that's AI. That's not real. And she's like, oh, damn it. Everybody in my Bunko group at the club sent it to me. And I'm like, oh, God. But there's the older generation learning from the younger generation. Amen. Yeah. Amen. Your new special is called Breadwinner. It's phenomenal. In addition to your outfit being phenomenal. The humor is also phenomenal. We got some listener questions about being the

breadwinner. Oh, let's talk about it. Okay. So let's do. One person says, I make more money than my husband, and I'm also the person who does a lot of the household admin because, frankly, I am better at it. But when I ask my husband to take on more, he says it's unfair for him to have to do all the shit jobs just because I'm in a job that society pays more right now. How do we find balance in terms of our contributions? Okay, hold on. So he's pissed that he has to do shit jobs. He's pissed, I believe, that he has to do like chores and grocery shopping because her job, job pays more money. I'm going to be honest, he needs to shut the fuck up. No, somebody's got to do it.

I mean, obviously there needs to be a balance, but, huh? How do you guys navigate that in your relationship? I call Jeff. I go, you're coming over on the golf course. Go to Whole Foods and get salmon. What do you mean? Listen, Jeff is very successful. So obviously it's a joke that I'm in the spotlight and I make more money,

but Jeff supported my career for a really long time. So we also, he just like real estate investments and financial stuff. He runs all the finances for my company. So, like, he's dialed into everything. I mean, obviously, I'm outwardly making more money than him. But here's the thing. When the role's reversed, we actually sat in a parking lot outside of our golf course, and I said, we're running a company right now, right?

Our relationship is a company. If you're not carrying your weight, you would be fired. If I was not carrying my weight, I would be fired. We have to look at this. And I think sometimes, honestly, with men, you have to talk to them in, like, business terms. I'm like, so I need you to come to me with the list of things that you want me to do, the thing, you know, and vice versa. When I feel like I'm not carrying my weight or he's not carrying his weight, we both sit down,

we're like, board meeting, boardroom meeting, okay, like we got to figure this out because I'm doing too much. If you're in a partnership that's a business and one person isn't carrying their weight, they're gone. So that's just how I've always looked at it. And also, I mean, listen, I'm lucky I got a good one, but your job with your partners is to make their life easier. And I think sometimes people forget that.

Listen, I'm the first person to say, I can get bitter, I can get angry, I can get resentful, I'm on the road, I come home. But Jeff learned very quickly I had to communicate that, hey, honey, if I come home and like De Laundrie isn't done, I'm going to chew your head off. I'm going to, I don't want to be a nagging bitch. And I feel like a lot of women, we don't want to be nagging bitches, but then we still nagged because then also we're like, well, I could do it better. I think it's the duel. It's like, I could do it better, so I might as well just do it. I don't want them to do it and do it poorly. And then it's like, I'm exhausted, though, because he's not.

not stepping up and I'm working this full-time job and then coming home and doing another full-time job. Yeah. If she's just making more money, but also he's still working the same amount of hours, then we got to maybe go to counseling and figure this out. Yeah. You have to approach stuff like a business. That's how I feel about it. Do you have any other tips for navigating your relationship like a business? Like, are there questions you ask? Are there check-ins you do? The number one rule of habits is to make the things that you want easier and the things that you don't want harder. Yet so many of us want to eat healthier, but so few of us actually take the steps to make eating healthier easier. That's where Marley Spoon comes in. What I love about this company and what's different than

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Right now our listeners get an additional 15% off any annual membership at masterclass.com slash Liz Moody. That's 15% off at masterclass. com slash Liz Moody. Masterclass.com slash Liz Moody. We do a lot of check-ins. I actually have a dear friend of mine who said that she and her husband have like a summit at the beginning of every year and they sit down with a big calendar.

And again, it's like running at like a Q1. board meeting and they sit down and talk about their goals for the year. My husband and I are really nerdy. We love to do the vision boards. And I had him start to do the vision boards. And I again, it started as something that I would do on New Year's Day. I would take a gummy. I'd be like a little hungover. So like I get a little stoned. He'd watch football. And I would just arts and crass. That's why I like to do it. And as I started to create vision boards, all this stuff would start to come true. So I think it's a really beautiful representation of just like visualizing what you want your life to be like. We sit and we talk about it. Even if I'm just cutting out things out of a magazine,

I'm like, yeah, I'd also like that house in Italy. Okay, we're on the same page, you know. You have to communicate. I think most relationships either fail, have bumps in the road, stumble upon hard times because you're not communicating. Have you guys ever struggled over communicating about any specific issues? Oh, yes, because my husband always says, he's like, use your words. Because again, I will bury it deep.

I have two modes. Cool, cool, cool, or I've lost my shit? Because it takes a lot to push me over the edge. So then when I do snap, it's like, okay, the house might be a lot. on fire in 20 minutes. Like, and I've had to learn how to take a breath, collect my thoughts, use my words in a way where I can communicate to him. Because if not, I'll do that. I can do it better. I'm not even going to take the time to explain them what I need. And I'm just going to go do it. He's like, I can't read your mind. We have to simplify things for men. I hate to say it,

but we do. You know? What would you say to the people who are like that I can do a better crowd? The like, I'm not even going to bother. It's wasting my time to ask them to do the household stuff because I can do it better. Then you're going to always be in that cycle. You know? I mean, listen, I will panic vacuum all the time, but I also hired a housekeeper. Somebody to help me with that. Jeff doesn't know how to put on a duvet cover. We've done it 65 times. I don't know what it is about straight men. They're like, they can't figure out the corners. I don't know how to do it either. But I think I'm too small. Like, that's my excuse. I'm like, I can't stretch a king size. You know, like, I'm too small. It's not my fault. See, I'm great. I can do it in one

flip. I don't need any help. But I also shouldn't have to come home from working, you know, being on the road all weekend and then also do that. So there are. are also things that I outsource. Yes, it's a privilege to do that, but I've got to work smarter, not harder. And then I tell them, if I'm starting to feel like, hey, you're not carrying your weight,

I have to communicate that before I become a nasty bitch. You guys were also long distance for years, weren't you? So that's why we have great communication skills because we were long distance for like, I don't know, seven years out of a relationship. And not like, we took a break, we broke up. No, no, no, we were fully madly in love. My husband is a great guy because,

one, he's never threatened by what I do, and two, he was the one who said, you need to go to LA, you need to pursue your dreams. I don't want you to resent me. So that's kind of an overlying, like, theme through our relationship. No one wants to be ever resentful. You know, you can be angry, you can be annoyed, but resent, that'll poison you. You can't resent people. Has he ever reacted poorly to anything you've said in your comedy? You know, my last special, you know, it was all about our ridiculous honeymoon and I make tons of jokes about him. And I walked off stage the first time I ran this hour that he saw. I didn't know how he was going to take it. And I walk off stage and there's my hot husband who's just so confident,

he's like, you could have gone harder. And I'm like, I know I married the right guy. Now, right before the special came out, I had a nervous breakdown because I was like, I just don't want you to be mad. He's like, I've seen it. Like, don't worry about it. There are moments, of course, you know, I have the podcast, I do social media, all this shit, where he's like, okay, maybe this we don't personally share. But again, it's almost maybe a word vomit. I just enjoy sharing a lot of aspects of my life. I'd never do a reality show. I enjoy sharing things because it's also nothing really weighs me down. I'm like, this is funny. Somebody else is going through this. Would you never do a reality show? Fuck no. I have had so many listeners where like she needs to go

on a real housewives. No, fuck that. I'm sure you get that all the time. I would never do it because you either end up divorced or you end up in jail for like tax fraud. And I'm already trying to hide some cash in the backyard. You know what I think if, no, I wouldn't. Because they want to create drama. Yeah. There's not a lot of drama in my life. there's drama. I'm so boring. I will deal with it and 10 minutes later, we're good. I don't harbor. That's never been my style. I have to talk it out and then move on. Tips for long distance relationships. Keep things spicy, but also you have to make an effort. So many gals will ask me like, how did you do it long distance with Jeff? Call me crazy, but it was

kind of enjoyable. I was out here focusing on what I needed to do. And there were moments where I felt selfish, like, man, I'm being selfish. And Jeff was like, don't. He's like, this is what you dreamed of. Like, you don't want to be with a partner who's half of who they want to be, right? But you just have to communicate. But it was kind of nice. Like, he would come out. I'd see him two or three times a month. He'd fly out. We had no money. We were living off Delta Sky Miles. And, you know, you get to enjoy that person for two or three days. They have great sex. And then you sit in their ass home. And you're like, all right, you go figure your shit out. And I got to refocus on me. So there were moments where I internally felt very selfish. And I'm struggling with that now because

of my career and I really want, I'm trying to figure out motherhood and all that. So I'm just like, wow, I want to make sure that I'm like fully there for my kids. But I also think again, well, dads don't have to think about that. Right. So I've got to work, be a mom, do all these things. I want to be present. But my husband would never have to worry about that. I'm trying to figure that out too. Like I feel like I've been fighting against this idea of there's a timeline forever. And then now I'm at this point where my career is going really well. And I'm like, oh, and there is a timeline. You famously have one embryo last I heard from. One solid gal sent on ice.

From your IVF stuff. Have you decided what you're doing with that embryo? Have you decided next steps? That's what I'm trying to figure out this year because I need to find a chunk of time to do another round of IVF. Now, obviously that egg's a better egg. It's a great egg quality egg. I'm also three, four years down the road.

So I got to figure out what my eggs are going to look like now. I'm trying to do another round just to try and get some more options. But everyone's like, oh, it's so great you have one egg. I'm like, yeah, but you don't understand. I've been through IVF a lot. I understand that that one egg, the likelihood of it implanting and working and creating a life is, you know. They say three gives you a 95% chance. Exactly.

In hindsight, though, when I went in to do like, this was after the third round of IVF, I couldn't get any eggs to grow. So it's a miracle that I even have this one. I went in and they're like, listen, we think there's maybe one growing. We'll do a Hail Mary go in there. They were able to go in. They found three. and then out of those three, one ended up being good. That's still really good, though.

Like, I have a lot of friends who started with 26, and they got down to, like, three. Like, going from the egg to the fertilized embryo, you lose a lot. You lose a lot. And I'd already paid for it. You're like, listen, you've already spent all the money. Let's just go in there and see this one is viable. And then the fact that one ended up being viable, I'm like very blessed to have. I got to figure it out.

I don't know yet. Do you for sure want kids, though? I do. I think I'd be a great mom. I did not have a big family growing up. So for me, I get so enamored and jealous of people who have like 25 cousins and a big family. I'm like, oh, my God, I just love it. Like being loud and chaotic at Christmas is my dream.

But I think it's a little late to have like six kids. I would also be open to adoption. I've never felt like it necessarily had to come from me. I think Agape love is one of the most beautiful types of love. Because my friends are my family. I have such a rag-tag team of people around me from all different stages of my life. And I think men feel a little bit different. my husband's like, of course you want to try and have our own first.

He's like, but he would always be open to adoption too. To me, a kid is a blessing, period. And this is advice for me, but how do you picture? I know you're like men do it, but specifically how do you picture, like doing your career and having a kid fit into that? I try to picture it and I'm like, I don't have time to do everything I'm trying to do right now. Like, how does a child fit into that? I don't know.

I will say, I had a financial advisor say like, Heather, you should have a kid because you know you're going to get great material from it, you know, which is so fucked up. But it is true, but I also kind of thrive in chaos. My life is well. When you're on the road, it is gnarly. People think it's glamorous. I don't sleep for weekends on end. Like, I, I, I'm already-

Like, what's gnarly about it. Just like the hours. The hours, the travel, the wear and tear on your body, what I'm doing. I'm a solo act. So if I go out and have the flu, but I've got a sold-out show at the Chicago Theater, I have to perform for 90 minutes. I'm not canceling that show.

Have you performed with the flu? I have performed post-COVID booster shot, and I thought I was going to die. But then I just sweat so much on stage. I just told everybody, I was like, I'm not ill, but I got the third shot. I thought awful after, yeah. Oh, I performed with food poisoning. I performed through a panic attack.

I don't know what it is. My adrenaline kicks in. And I'm almost better in a panic situation than I am like in a hotel room alone with my own thought. So interesting. Do you have any advice for thriving in chaos? What's the secret to that? Maybe I'm built different.

I don't know. I think my lifestyle would make most people feel nuts. but I do find time to kind of quiet my mind a little bit. But I'm not a person who recharges by solo time. When I'm home, my favorite thing, though, is like, you know, that Monday morning after I've been gone all weekend, I love to get in my car and I ride around and I go to my favorite breakfast spot and I see my people. Like, I love to go to the same spots and see my people.

That's really the only time I like to be alone. Like in my car, blasting Siza or like, you know, old Selena. Like, that's what I enjoy. But other than that, I get replenished by being around people. Classic extrovert. Yeah, classic double extrovert, which is sickening. And, you know, most people are like, oh, you're an introvert or you also then like to talk to one person. No, again, with therapy, I move through shit quicker when I get on stage and talk about it with other people and get a reaction from it than if I do, like, sitting and just talking to my therapist.

That's interesting. Because I like action steps, and you said that earlier. I love action steps. I don't want to sit and stew and shit. I do think we live in a time where we've over-therapized everything. So, like, after my dad died, I went to grief counseling. And I remember my counselor. This is so me, though.

My counselor was fantastic. She's like, Heather, you had a great relationship. You're really working through these feelings with your dad. Of course, you're sad. I was going through it all. And then by like week four, I'm like, Betsy, tell me about yourself. Betsy, if you see this, I hope you're thriving. I replenish myself by going out and being with other people.

What are action steps that have changed your life positively? Letting things go. I really realize, especially with like running a business, you can't control everyone's emotions. that really wears on me. It did the last couple years. I always want people to feel like, you're good, are you good, are you happy? Do you have everything you need?

And then I realized I was completely empty by the end of the day. So now I have to realize you have to let people do what they're going to do. I'm always there for my friends. But last year I told all my buddies, I was like, hey, I love all y'all, but I can't constantly worry about everybody.

If you need me, I am here 110%. But I can't read the room, and you've got to communicate that with me because I've got to take a little time because I'm realizing I'm getting home. And after I've performed for everybody, all weekend. I had nothing left in the tank. And then I was like, I'm being short with my husband. I'm not a good daughter to my mom because I was just like worried about everybody else.

And I will always worry about other people. It's so interesting. Communications like your secret weapon. You communicate for a living. You have your podcast. You go on stage and you do these specials and you do these shows. But like being able to communicate like this in your interpersonal relationships, you seem like you're wildly good at it. But I'm not. I say any of my friends will listen to this, but Heather Yaps a lot. But I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm a lot. I'm I'm a straight shooter, but I think about it for a while. I'm not quick on the draw, like, oh, I'm going to get into it. I don't raise my voice.

I don't need to snap. I don't need to pop off. I don't need to be right. I don't need to say the sassiest thing. At a dinner party, you be like, fuck you. I sit and marinate on it. And then I'm like, let's have a conversation. I feel like my superpower is empathy.

And that's probably why I was drawn to comedy. I understand why people do what they do. I understand why people feel the way they feel. Again, it will be my downfall because I'll get taken advantage of one day because I'll be like, Again, I just feel like my business manager was in a bad spot and wanted to buy a boat, and that's why they took all my money. But I have a great understanding of why people feel the way they feel. But boundaries have been hard for me.

That's something I've had to learn. And then I love that everybody now is like, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. I'm like, no, no, no. You can say boundaries all day, but if you're still being an asshole and you're getting in the last word and then you're like boundaries that don't speak to me, what the fuck are we doing here? How do you think we should be approaching boundaries? Give us a boundary lesson. boundaries. If you're like, hey, I need a minute to figure out how I feel about this situation,

safe boundary, right? Go, collect your thoughts, but cool down. To me, a lot of people are hot-headed and will say things that you can't take back. And that's, again, how I feel about life is short. I could say something horrible to you. I could say, you know, you piss me off, da-da-da, pop off at the mouth. And then if you get in your car and then you die, I'll never forgive myself. So I have learned boundaries with folks, like if I need to take a break and I need to tell you, hey, I got to figure this out how I feel about the situation. I'm going to take a little break. I love you, but I need you to know that, like, I need to sit on this for a minute.

The number one thing that people get wrong about boundaries is boundaries are in action. They're not just saying something. It's if you continue to behave like this to me, I will remove myself from this situation. If our relationship dynamic continues to be like this, I cannot be in this relationship. Exactly. Yeah. Listen, it's tough. I'm saying this now and I'm even like thinking to myself, I'm like, I have a particular relationship right now, which I'm like, they're like, they're like,

boundaries and I'm like boundaries and we're both like go fuck yourself you know but it's because there's a lot of love there so it's tough it is so interesting like that what you said earlier about like the over-therapization of our lives I'm such a fan of therapy both my parents are therapist my sisters are therapists both my husband's parents are therapist like I grew up in it and like even in going through these listener questions somebody said like somebody's breadcrumbing me and then they've been gaslight and they use like 17 therapy words in one question and I'm just like I don't think you need to think about it like this. I don't think it's helpful for you to think about it like this.

I also think too, like when somebody comes at you with all that and they're just like labeling all these things, you're like, well, I also believe in the other side of the story too. Like if you just sit there and you're shitting on somebody all day, but you don't also have ownership. You have to have ownership. I'm telling you right now, I will always be able to sit down and say, I'm sorry. Even if I maybe don't think I was wrong in that situation, I'm sorry you feel that way.

I'm sorry that this has ever gotten to this place. It really makes me crazy when people aren't able to apologize. That is a character flaw in people that I always kind of clock. I really do clock that. Whether you're right or wrong, it's not about being right or wrong at the end of the day for me. You know, if somebody's really fucking done you dirty, whatever. But people that don't have the ability to just say, you know what, in this situation, we may not see eye to eye, but I'm sorry that we both feel that way, then I get a little like,

I clock that one. Let's get into some sex questions. Great, I love it. Also, this is so honestly cathartic. I haven't been asked about anything other than like stupid comedy pop culture shit in a minute. So this has been, I've really been looking forward to this. We're holding space. Do you want to hold my finger? Yeah, I would love to. Let me hold your finger. I'm going to drink like 10 of these too. Okay. Here's a listener question. My husband and I have a good sex life, aka we have sex often and I enjoy it. But I climax maybe 10% of the time. I don't know how to bring it up after so many years of being married and having sex without hurting his feelings. Okay, well, that's easy answer. Get a ton of vibrators. Just have them everywhere, right? Like, we all know.

You don't think, though, like talk to him about it. You think just take it into your literal own hands? No, I definitely say talk about it. But just get a bunch of vibrators. The guys are never going to be like, don't like it. You know, just say, hey, honey, I haven't come in two weeks. So I want you to know I went on this website and bought a bunch of things and some fuzzy handcuffs and just go for it. You know?

I mean, I don't know. I'm just like an action step. Yeah, no. I love an action step. Get a bunch of... Like take it. Yeah. Also, I will say, I think that you need to know how to bring yourself to orgasm before you

ask somebody else to bring you to orgasm. I think that is such a skipped step in the journey. And so maybe, I don't know if this person is there, but definitely start there. And then you can bring that in with your partner without feeling like you're criticizing them in any way. You're married. Tell me if I'm going to peer into your bedroom right now. But I'm like, if my husband has come and I haven't come, he's immediately like, all right,

well, we're going to figure this out. Yeah, yeah. Like there's never, it's only one-sided. If it was one-sided, I would be like, bye. But that goes back to some of the conversations we were having earlier, which is like, I want my husband to step up in this way. And maybe he's not. And just because you got a good one doesn't mean that every, you know, every guy.

I mean, we all had boyfriends. I had a boyfriend in college, literally. This guy, I mean, you know, he could walk into a room and just come in his pants. And you're like, oh, God, you know. We've all had those moments. But yes, if you love this person and they love you, it needs to be mutual. and also just get a bunch of sex toys and have some fun. Yeah, and play around with it for sure.

I also think there's such a misperception about the length of time it takes a female to come. Yeah. And so women feel shame. On average, it's 20 minutes. Did you know that? Really? Yeah, the average, according to sex doctors that I've interviewed is 20 minutes. And so it's like women are shaming themselves for taking a long time to come.

And then men feel like, am I doing something wrong? Because it's supposed to be five minutes simultaneous like I see in movies, you know? And I think that if we almost just clear up some of the, misperceptions about these things, it would help a lot. And again, if you get a vibrator, you'll come in about 60 seconds. You have a favorite vibrator. I, okay, actually, shout out to my friends, Rain and Ashley. They have a company called Vibes Only. And actually this is the cutest thing. So they started this vibrator company and sex toy company. And my husband, we went on to like lunch with the girls and they sent me home with like a swag bag of

stuff. They send this stuff all the time. So I'm lucky. I haven't had to like buy a Vibrator in a long time. And my husband was like, wait, y'all in that company. And he had bought something. for us to enjoy. And I was like, honey, that's their company. We were all sitting at lunch. I was like, you're romantic, Jeff. That is a sweet gift. It's an act of service gift. Is that your love language? I did not think. I always thought my love language, my receiving was time. I just love to spend time with people. Even FaceTime call. I don't care. I just like to be with people. But I do think maybe with my husband is acts of service. And if you buy a great vibrator, that's an act of service. Would you ever tell your husband if something he'd been doing like over the years hadn't been

working for you? But would you ever be like over the last 10 years? I haven't been coming and surprised. Like saying it in that over the last 10 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you ever like this hasn't been working? I'm brutal. Like my husband and I are very open and honest with each other.

But he'd also be pissed and he would be rightfully so if he's like, wait a minute, this is bothering you for 10 years and you didn't tell me. I mean, I'm nuts. Sometimes I'll be up in the middle of the night and I'll be like, Jeff. You know what I'm just like? I need to tell you a deep dark secret. Oh, it's always the middle of the night. No, I feel like it's as Zach is falling asleep.

I'm like, oh, I got to tell you this thing. And he's like, I am actively sleeping. I'm actively sleeping, please. And, you know, guys don't remember anything ever. You have to drill things into their brain. You have to communicate. Yeah. If you have headaches, allergies, brain fog, skin irritation,

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Do you? Oh, my God. It is the funniest thing. It makes me laugh so hard. It does not embarrass my husband, but he laughs so hard. He has a nickname for me. Oh, God, I'm not even saying this. But any time, like, if there's ever been a queef over 14 years, I start hysterically

laughing to the point where I'm, like, immaturely, like, crying laughing. He's like, what is wrong with you? I'm like, that is funny. It makes me laugh. I'm just immature. I'm immature, you know? I turn it into, like, a feminist issue. Almost same with, like, pooping and farting.

I'm like, why? Like, I'm not going to, like, walk around farting everywhere. Yeah. But I am like, why do guys get? to do this? Why do you guys get to do all sorts of weird gross sex stuff? And we have to be like, teahee when like an air sound comes out of our vagina. But bathroom things don't bother me. You know what I mean? We broke the fourth wall years ago. Do you guys poop in front of each other? No, we don't poop in front of each other. Also, I am, if you do it, more power to you,

the couples who poop in front of each? I'm just like, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Let's do. How can I spice up sexy times in a long term relationship? Like, I'm talking fourth wing Akotaur. Is that how they pronounce it? Like level spice. You know that book? You know that book, A-C-O-T-A-R. It's a court of thorns and roses. It's the book everybody's reading. And apparently, I believe it's like fairy sex. No.

Oh, okay. No. Guys, guys, we're having tinkerbell sex? What do you mean it's fairy set? Oh, is it like a novel? It's like a novel. No, so these are like, the fourth-wing Akuta, I believe they are incredibly sexual fantasy series that are wildly popular, partially because of the plot, but I think partially because

they're like, I'm ruining it. You're fine. Ferry's like pushing each other up against the wall and like having really hot fairy sex. So this is how I can already tell you I wouldn't be into this. I love beefy men. I like tall, beefy. If it was like we're at a lumber yard, you know what I mean? That's me.

But a fairy, the guys in Hollywood are already tiny. So like I don't want anything where I'm thinking of a petite man. That's not going to do it for you. Like Timothy Shalame is not going to be like here. No, God, no. I mean, Timothy, no, I wouldn't know what to do with them. I'd be like, get on my shoulders. I'll take you to a.

I don't know, a concert. Like, what? No. I do think, though, that there's an interesting thing happening where we are romanticizing a type of sex that's not like the normal type of sex. Like, I believe you can do fun stuff. You can do role plays. You can do, like, tie each other up, all these things.

But also, I think we need to romanticize, like, the everyday sex of long-term relationships in a different way. And I do think some of these books and are creating, like, a set of expectations about what reality should and shouldn't be and are making people disappointed with what they're actually experiencing. Well, I think porn has very. ruined a lot of people. I'm like, the fairy sex is the problem. And you're like, well, what about porn? Yeah. Porn. But now I also am like porn shit. Don't like, you know, make it illegal or anything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, freedom of art and speech. But I think porn is ruined like younger guys, like college guys because then they think things are supposed to look one way. And that's, I mean, everybody knew you had that one guy that you hooked up with in college and you were like, oh, this is the worst sex in my life. You're like, this guy is only, he watches a lot of porn. And he does not know anything about really like working with a woman's body. I have a girlfriend. I have a girlfriend who says that like dating these days like men are taking an incredibly long time to come or they're having erectile dysfunction issues because they have watched so much porn I'm sure that being with a real woman is almost disappointing yeah which is crazy it's crazy listen too much of a good thing

you it numbs you it numbs you and I think that's also part of the problem I think people are not using porn as part of like a healthy sex life in many ways are using it for numbing the same way that a lot of us use food for numbing and social media for numbing it's like these things are fine and when they're engaged with in a certain way, but then if you're using it to numb, it's no longer fine. And I'll tell you right now. I'm not even trying to do like a 1990s like stand-up comedy bit, but when my husband checks things off a list of like, when my husband like does a Costco run or is like,

you know, fix something in the house, it really is hot. You're like, again, acts of service. I'm like, all right, okay. I don't know what it is. I don't need him to like do the helicopter in the kitchen with his dog. Yeah. But like, that's what I mean about the false expectations of like what is hot. Like, is the pressing, like, is all this crazy shit hot?

Or is, like, having a really intimate moment alone together hot? Or just, like, having the comfort to say, hey, I want to try this weird thing. Like, can you twist your body in this way and then be like, ha ha, that's funny, you know? Yeah. I don't think I'm going to be into the fairy sex. No. You know what? When in Rome?

Let's just try. We're in L.A. right now. Okay. I buy you a book. I mean, no. We'll do some role play. But what are your tips for keeping things spicy in the long term? Has your guys a sex life changed over the years?

I don't think so. I will say people, I've been asked, what's the craziest place you've had sex? I'm like, probably where I have sex currently now all the time, which is knowing that my mom's somewhere in the house. Are you guys quiet? Yeah, we are quiet. And Jeff is also like, like, I'm a vacation sexer when you get me out all day, every day, doesn't matter. I don't even need to go out to the beach. Like, I can enjoy myself. But yeah, that has been tough. So I'm trying to give advice. I mean, you just kind of, I don't even want to say schedule. I mean, we don't have kids. So we're not like totally. we're like, I'm exhausted all the time. I do tell my husband, when I come home from the road on Sunday night, he knows don't ask for sex.

He knows. I say, that's not fair to me because I'm physically exhausted. Come Monday morning, I'm a whole new person. We also communicate like that. I'm like, I never want to disappoint you. You never want to disappoint me. But I'm also communicative about like when I enjoy to have sex and when he does. Which is like a two-step process.

You have to identify. Hey, I don't like this when on Sunday night I'm being propositioned and I'm exhausted. You have to identify that. And then you have to feel comfortable and good enough with. him to communicate that. Yeah. I feel like the title for this episode is like, Heather McMahon, communication is the secret to everything.

I know. And then everyone's going to listen to it in my life. They're like, really, bitch, you haven't called me back. Keeping things spicy, you got to travel. You got to go to new places. You got to get out of your environment and you got to do things together. I think that's what it is. You got to do things together.

Okay, see, because you've demonstrated like slapping people's balls with your extension. Yes, I have. And also blow jobs, guys, they're easy. They get you out of a lot of other work. Just do the blow jobs. I don't know how to give like, good, like how to keep things spicy. I really like my husband. It's odd, you know?

It's not, it shouldn't be the, it shouldn't be odd. That should be the norm. You should be married to somebody that you like. And I love that you're demonstrating that. You know what I mean? Yeah. We have fun together. We giggle.

The sex is great. But I enjoy being with him. But there are times we're like, oh shit. Like we've both gotten so busy with work. We're both so exhausted. We're running around. I'm like, when was the last time we had sex? Like, we definitely had that.

I was like, ah, like, you know, when you get in a rut of like, hey, we're both traveling too much. We need to have a date night, a moment. We really have to be active in making sure that when I am back on the road or when I'm traveling, that we come together and we have those important moments. Secret to a good blowjob. Again, put the theatrics in it. With the hair around, make eye contact. There's something about making eye contact when you're down there.

It's a whole other world. Yeah. You just got to look. They want to peer through your soul. That's what it is. Yeah, but whip the hair around, really just put on a show and they love it. And then you're in and out in three minutes. Yeah.

I can do a solid, quick, good blowjob job. How quick is quick? I mean, I don't know. I would like to say I can do it in like five minutes or less. Because I feel like more women would do more regular blow jobs if they felt like it would be like a quick in and out session. You know what I mean? It's like you don't want to feel like you're signing up for like a 30 minute situation.

Because going down on a woman is a lot less, it's a lot less tension on the neck. So I always explain that to my husband. I'm like, honey, it's totally different. I'm fighting for my life down here. You're just kind of rolling around. Let's circle back. We'll end with this. We'll do a full circle episode with Beauty Standards.

You told me when you came in that you just got in plastic surgery. Can you tell me about it? So I'm still probably pretty swollen on this, but I got like a little tightening of my neck. And listen, I'm very transparent. I'm in the biz. I've never done anything to my face except like baby Botox. And I was like it just kind of was one of those things where I always had a shadow and pictures.

And I love my face. And I've always been very confident even though I came in here a hot mess. But it was kind of like one of those things where I was like, as I was aging, it just felt like I know I have my dad's face and he was men are always able to cover like underneath with like a beard and I was like fuck this and this is something that I can fix that I'm gonna then like still my face is exactly my face but you know I just feel a little more confident why would I not and I'm so glad I did it again I'm very swollen so I look a little crazy I'm only like a month out but I'm so glad that I did it nobody tells you though that when you have any sort of like plastic like elective surgery afterwards they unwrapped my head and again nothing was done to my face don't know how many times I can reiterate that, but people have said that I've had something. I'm like, no, I'm just swollen. I freaked the fuck out because you're so swollen and you're like, oh my God, why did I do this? Why did I change anything?

And then I had this weird existential crisis. Like, I got rid of my dad's neck. That's the one thing he gave me. My mom's like, you also got his shoulders, his eyebrows. You know, you got his ass. Like, don't worry, you got other things. But you really have an existential, like, what the fuck did I just do? And then like three weeks later when the swelling starts to go down and then when I can

take a picture and not have to feel like, Oh, God, there's a weird shadow. Like, I'm like, of course. I get white people do this. Did you debate it a lot? Oh, yeah, yeah. And then I had had other friends who were a little bit older than me, like, I'm late 30s, and they were like, Heather, it's the best thing I ever did.

Most people you talk to if they've done something where, you know, whether it's a nose job or whatever, they're like, I'm glad I did it. There's so much stigma around doing things for yourself. Everyone's about self-care. Well, okay, so if a bitch wants an upper bleft, that's not self-care. Like, come on, you know. Listen, you want to age naturally, gracefully. great, but I hate this thing where everyone tries to also stigmatize you if you want to get Botox

or do things. Like, shut up. I'm so torn about all of this stuff. I get Botox as well. And I'm just like, I hate that I live in a world where I feel like I have to and I live in a world where I feel like I have to. So I'm like, be the change that you want to see, Liz. And then I'm also like, that's a lot of fucking pressure to put on me when I'm living in the world where I'm still being judged every time I age, you know, which is every day. Which is every day. But also, listen, it's also a little, let's just call it what it is. It's the name of the game, too. If I'm going to be on camera all the time, if I'm going to be doing this, I'm traveling,

it's just one thing where I'm like, all right, now I feel like if I, like, if I, like, I'm not at a weird angle. There's nothing more humbling than when people are on the front row and they're taking photos. Oh, my God. You're like, oh, God, this kid's sagging. But I've also been, like, very transparent about things. So I don't give a shit.

I'm like, great. If somebody else is like, hey, Heather, I was thinking about doing X, Z. Can you walk me through it? Why would I not be helpful about it? How do you think about aging in general? Like, are you nervous about 10, 15, 20 years in the future and being in the career that you're in? Well, I will say it was interesting that I went to go do this because my joke has always been thick neck thin ankles.

And I always had a thick neck. Now, I still have wildly broad shoulders and yoked out traps. So the neck is still thick. But I did have one of those moments or sitting in the doctor's office, even going to a consultation, I felt like I was betraying myself. And then I'm in there. I'm like, I'm only 37. And then I was like, fuck this.

Do it now while you still have the time to reggae. cover and then you see where you're going to be in 50 years. Who knows what will happen? Also, we're going to be in spaceships in like 30 minutes. I did get pissed when I was sitting home recuperating over Christmas. I was like, if the aliens come down and I just got this done and I missed like a fun holiday season because I was at home icing my neck. Oh, because there was like the drone. The drones. I was like, I'm going to be so pissed. Yeah. Do whatever makes you feel good. Everybody wants to throw in their two cents, their opinion, this, that. Do whatever makes you feel good. My question about that, though, is always, does this really make me feel good? Or am I submitting

to societal standards in some way that it's not actually what makes me feel good, but I'm telling myself it is? Like, that's my complicated mental dynamic about all of it. Listen, I hear you. I mean, listen, even doing the right carpet stuff, somebody has an opinion on what you wear and you're like, these are clothes, like, fucking let it go. But I'm also in comedy and showbiz. Like, there is a little bit of glitz and glamour to do it where I'm like, I'm in front of the camera. Yeah. I want to feel good. Even if I wasn't in front of the camera, you're like, as you're aging, I have friends who have gotten facelifts and done things. And as long as, like, you feel good about it, I never want to change what I look like,

who I am. I have never done anything before this. It was hard going into it being like, wow, I'm actually wanting to change something. But everyone's like, you look exactly the same. They're like, you're still swollen and it doesn't look like you've lost anything in your neck. And I'm like, guys, it'll be snatched. And another two months, it'll be so snatched.

You go through a wave of emotions like, yeah, am I leaning into the pressure of society? And then I'm like, fuck that. My neck looks great. Well, and it's also like the pressure is real. Like, you know, men are allowed to have wrinkles and women are not allowed to have wrinkles in show business and also in life. You know, it's hot and sexy as men get older. And women are like, no, no, no, you're like losing your use to society. I'm going to say something that I know is going to piss off a lot of your listeners.

But my girlfriends who do Botox, we love sitting around and being like, thank God you freshen up your Botox because I'm sitting at lunch. I don't have to tear your forehead wrinkles. But we all just like love each other and giggle. You know, I mean, you can go to extremes with anything. But also, I'm just to throw this out there. The amount of work that people have had done that don't tell you about it. Oh, it's insane. Come on.

I mean, you're doing these red carpet interviews. I feel like, honey. I feel like, you feel like it's like 95%. Like, I feel like it's so many. And it's these micro things that most of us don't even know exist as procedures. Oh, for sure. But that's a smart way to do it. Oh, yeah.

So if you look like yourself, listen, I was laying in bed. You know, Lindsay Lohan has like her new face. but she looks like herself. She looks beautiful. Yeah. She looks like herself. She just looks refreshed. At the end of the day,

you just want to look refreshed. Yeah. And if this means that I can go into a like, you know, shooting a movie or going and shooting a new special, I spend so much money producing my specials. And then if I look back and I'm not concentrating on the comedy or how beautiful I look in every other aspect.

And I'm like, hey guys, can we light, make sure we're lighting under the neck so there's not a shadow? Like, then I'm wasting my time worrying about other things. That's one of my primary things I think about all of this is if performing beauty makes it so I can focus on my brain?

Like, is that the price of admission? You know what I mean? I don't know. It's so complicated. Can you leave us with the best piece of advice that you have ever received? The best advice I got was don't take advice from anybody you wouldn't trade places with. It does not mean financially. For me, it could mean financially.

Like, you know, a lot of people want to chirp and tell you what to do in your life. But if they're not also elevating themselves in a positive way, doesn't just have to be financially, but emotionally. That was my other thing. You think about it like, if I'm not going to trade places with you where you're at in your emotional space in your life and not saying that other friends can't give you good advice, then maybe I need to just table that advice and try and figure things out. And I sat with that. Don't take advice from other people who you wouldn't trade places with, whether whatever situation that is. And that may come off as harsh or like it's not merely like, oh, I'm better than that person. But there are a lot of people that can bark.

That can be people on the internet. That can be people on Reddit. that can be agents, managers, fans, friends, family, whatever. But if you're like, if you're not in a great emotional place while you're telling me this, then maybe I need to take a beat and figure out what that means. Yeah, it's like somebody's drowning and trying to tell you how to swim. Exactly. Can you tell us a little bit in your own words about your new special, your podcast, anything you want to shout out?

I mean, I'm about to start a whole new tour and don't worry, I'll be going to do great length about the neck. And so it's a bamboozle tour, so I'm about to go back on the road. and then I'll be working towards shooting a new special, which I'm sure I'll probably shoot in the fall, and then back at it. I'm doing a comedy cruise. We still have a couple bunks left. We're doing a huge cruise with a ton of other comedians,

and that's going to be in April. And, you know, I got a podcast. I've got to absolutely not. We're doing the most. So I got to go home and ice the neck because it's at this part of the day where I've been talking all day. You know, and this has been such a refreshing podcast.

I really adore you. I've loved all the stuff that you've been putting online, and I'm just so glad we got to chat. But offline, I want to talk about, like, all the wellness stuff. Yeah, yeah. I need help. I'm burned down.

Yeah. That's why I had to get a new neck. We'll talk about all the things. Thank you so much, Heather. Thank you for having me. Seriously. This is the best. Unfortunately, that is all for this episode of the Liz Moody podcast.

I know I am sad too. If you enjoyed the episode, I would so appreciate if you would share it with somebody that you think would love it too. And make sure that you're following the Liz Moody podcast on Apple Podcasts on Spotify or on YouTube because in our next episode, I am sharing exactly where you should start. you are beginning a health journey. So even if you're further along in your health journey, you're going to want to be like, check, check, check, I'm doing all those things.

And then after that, we have an episode all about how to organize your entire home and your entire life. I needed that one. Following the podcast means that the episodes will show up right in your feed. You will never have to miss an episode. You'll never have to go searching for one. And you can now watch full video episodes on YouTube and on Spotify too. So if you're watching, hello, I blew you a kiss.

And remember to head over to Liz Moody.substack.com to sign up for our newsletter. That is called the takeaway. You're going to get key action steps for each episode, plus tons of bonus content, including an exclusive interview with Heather today. You can also come hang out on Instagram. I'm at Liz Moody. I share tons of inspiring and always a very real content. Too real of content, honestly, recently with like my whole grief journey. I feel like I've just been like spilling my guts on Instagram. I also share exactly how I am using everything that we learn on the podcast in my real life. Okay, I love you. And I will see you for the next episode of the Liz Moody podcast. Oh, just one more thing.

It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, a psychotherapist, or any other qualified professional.