The Liz Moody Podcast - Ivirlei Brookes—Genius Mindset Shifts to Transform Your Career, Friendships, Romantic Life and Anti-Racism Work

Episode Date: June 24, 2020

On today’s episode, I sat down with one of my favorite guests ever, the amazing Ivirlei Brookes. Ivirlei is an actress and mindset mentor for creatives. Her company, Mavenelle, focuses on helping female creatives and entrepreneurs create a lifestyle around self mastery and wellness. You may know her from her recent viral video, White Women Who Truly Want To Help: Here’s How, which has over 5 million views on Instagram, and was re-shared by pretty much every huge celeb, including Hailey Bieber, Lili Reinhart, and Ellen Pompeo. She’s also creating online workshops for Fall, and currently at work writing her first non-fiction book about shaping your own identity and removing limiting beliefs. In this episode, we talk about: what scripting is, and how it helps her create her dream life the morning routine that sets her day up for success an example of how manifestation actually had real results in her life the one quality all of the mega-famous people she’s met have in common how to overcome limitations from your childhood the genius, simple phrase she uses to get people to actually listen to her how to be a good friend, and to cultivate incredible, deep female friendships what her love language is, and how to use love languages to strengthen all of your relationships her advice to people frustrated by dating how being in a inter-racial relationship has impacted her, especially at this moment in time what white people get wrong about anti-racism work her advice for people trying to incorporate anti-racism into their businesses, from corporate life to food blogging or wellness coaching how to diversify your income without starting your own business how to know if you’d be a good entrepreneur, and what people get wrong when they’re first starting their business how she developed sexual and body confidence, and why that was so important to her thriving in other areas of her life You can find Lauren on Instagram at @ivirlei, and we’d both love to hear your reactions to this episode, so please screenshot and write any thoughts or questions that come up as you’re listening and tag us both (I’m @lizmoody). Enjoy! PS: Healthier Together is officially a number one best-seller! You can get your copy on Amazon or at lizmoody.com/cookbook. Please keep sending me your creations on Instagram—they make me so happy! This episode is sponsored by Kyoto Botanicals, the first CBD brand I’ve recommended on this podcast! They believe every ingredient matters and should contribute to your overall health, which is why they only use USDA certified organic oils to deliver flavor with benefits. Their products only have organic, single-source plant extracts, not lab developed flavors and colors, so you get whole plant benefits as nature intended. Finally, their hemp is grown according to strict organic and biodynamic standards, and they only use only organic coconut MCT oil as a carrier. I recommend all of their products, but especially their tinctures. You can get a whopping 25% off your order (AND they always have free shipping!) by using the code “HEALTHIERTOGETHER” at kyotobotanicals.com. This episode is also sponsored by Garden of Life, one of my all-time favorite brands. I focused on stress-relieving products in this episode, including their Mood Plus probiotic, which is formulated specifically to help with stress and anxiety, and their magnesium chelate, which I take nightly to help avoid constipation and help alleviate anxiety. Healthier Together cover art by Zack. Healthier Together music by Alex Ruimy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, friends, and welcome back to the Healthier Together podcast. I'm your host, Liz Moody, and I am a longtime journalist and cookbook author. My first cookbook is called Glopops, and my most recent book is also called Healthy Together, like this podcast. Funny story about that, actually, when I reached out to today's guest to ask her to be on the podcast, she told me that her and her fiance had been gifted my book as an engagement present, which is so cool. It's honestly so bananas to think of my book in real people's houses.

I'm not sure that I will ever get over that. Honestly, it's crazy. Anywhoom, speaking of today's guest, I am so, so excited to have on Ivory Brooks. Iverly is an actress and mindset mentor for creatives. Her company, Mavenal, focuses on helping female creatives and entrepreneurs create a lifestyle around self-mastery and wellness. You may know her from her recent viral video,

White Women Who Truly Want to Help, Here's How, which has over 5 million, that is, a million views on Instagram and was re-shared by pretty much every major celebrity celebrity, Lily Reinhart, and Ellen Pompeo. She's also creating online workshops for this fall and currently at work writing her first nonfiction book about shaping your own identity and removing limiting beliefs. This is very much an episode about figuring out the person who you actually want to be and overcoming the blockages and taking the right steps to actually become that person. We talk about the common mindsets that hold people back,

whether it's at work, in relationships, or even in anti-racism work, and then how to shift those mindsets. There's a ton for people looking to start their own businesses, including why Iverly thinks not everyone is cut out for it and how you can tell if you're the kind of person who is. And then the biggest mistake that people make in the early days of starting their own business, we talk about healthy morning routines, the journaling exercise Iverly does every morning to help manifest your dream life, the importance of therapy, and more. I have to confess, I am somewhat of a skeptic when it comes to the concept of manifestation. But the way that I really talks about it really changed things for me. It's more about becoming really clear about

what you want and then taking a hard look at yourself and the stories that are holding you back. It's less woo-woo and more like deep identity and psychology work and it is so worth doing because we only get one life. This episode will help you live it to your absolute fullest. Because this is healthier together, I also got Iverly to tell me her secret to building deep, meaningful friendships. I got her to spill some really fun-sleb gossip. Shout out to Drake, who I'm sure is listening to this. And then we got really real about sex, including how she developed her incredible sexual self-confidence and why she thinks that that's so important, both as a woman and as an entrepreneur. Ivory Lee is truly radiant. She's one of the loveliest people that I've had the chance to talk to,

and she has such a unique and powerful way of viewing the world. There were so many moments in this podcast that made me stop in my tracks, completely speechless. I can't wait to hear what you think about it, So please, please screenshot and tag both Iverly and me on Instagram. I'm at Liz Moody. And she is at Ivory. It's I-V-I-R-L-E-I, which yes means she just has her first name as a handle, which is about the most badass move ever. I cannot wait to hear how Iverly helped you become your best self and live your best life.

Iverly, thank you so much for taking the time to join me. I feel like your time is precious. I mean, your time is always precious research, but you're very indomely. man these days. So I appreciate you taking the time to sit in the closet with me. Thanks for having me. I feel like I enjoy the opportunity to actually have conversations rather than being behind the computer all day. So I love it. Oh my God. Me too. Especially in Corona days, I'm like, oh, my podcast is my saving grace. I get to have a at least one really depth, in-depth, interesting conversation with a person, you know, instead of just my husband and my cat.

Exactly. I feel the same way. It's just me and my fiancee here in our dog. And it's, I I'm like, if I don't get other human interactions soon, I'm going to turn into a pod. I know. I started to say like that in the grocery store and stuff where you like talked to like, oh, the talking to the person checking out your grocery store. How are you? Like, what are your dream? Did you watch anything interesting on TV recently?

And they're just like, stay away from me. It's terrible. It's true. You need human interaction. Like, I'm not that person because I'm afraid someone's going to cough on me. But my fiance, he will be like, man, so much choices for bread in here. And I'm like, will you stop talking to strangers just to have that? You know what I mean? But he needs it more than I do. You know what I mean? He struggled with the

social part more than me. I can go into a cave if I need to. Are you an introvert? Not really. I guess I could say I'm a little bit of both because I need space to be by myself because of the work kind of work that I do. I'm always giving and I'm always like taking in. So I need to cut it off at some point and kind of just pour into myself. And so sometimes I'm very introverted. I'm like, I don't want any of this. I actually don't even want the dog. Like everybody go. And then there's other times where I'm like, I thrive off of energy from others. So I'm a little bit of both. I was I call myself. I'm the same. I call myself an extroverted introvert because I still think I get most of my from like I love being out, but I still need the revival energy of being yeah.

Do you do anything specifically to sort of recharge? Well, it just depends on the moment and depends on what's going. But during quarantine, I got really into plants. I've never cared about plants. And I've like, you know, I'll take a succulent or something, right? But my mom has always had a green thumb my whole life. And I just adored how she just, you know, had this thriving. plant collection, and I never cared. And I'm like, in quarantine, I don't know what happened,

but I became obsessed and I started watching every YouTube video about particular types of plant and what they need. And I've gotten like specialized fertilizer and like I've changed into this new person who my fiance doesn't recognize. And that for real, it's real deal, girl. It's a jungle in our living room now. I love that. Yeah, I talk to them every day. I like, you know, just check You talk to them? Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's been kind of a bonding experience for me and my mom on FaceTime because she's like,

let me see the bottom of that leaf. And I'm like, what's wrong with her? Like, you know, it's become like a. I love that. Yeah. But, I mean, that's just been during quarantine. Overall, when it comes to having to recharge, I always meditate, always. What kind do you do?

Guided. I can never do it alone. I'll be thinking of like Rinan Stimpy in my head if I try to do it quietly by myself. I don't think I've thought of Renan Stimpy in a decade. See? See? That's what I'm saying. So I always do guidance.

Do you do like Headspace or one of the apps? Yes. I use a couple different ones. But to be honest, I will sometimes record my own. And yeah, I'll record my own. Sometimes I listen to them on the way to sleep, like so they could get into my subconscious for the next day. But I'm sound, it like it has an effect on me, just like with music, with anything else.

Whenever I put on something calming, it. immediately calms me down. So that's probably why I use guided meditations. And outside of that, I do a lot of journaling and scripting. I'll like shut down and just open my journal up and just get to it until I start feeling back to myself again. Do you have specific questions or prompts that you do? Or do you just free write or what's your journaling method? Well, scripting is a little bit different from journaling for me. So with journaling, I just write it out. I don't care. I can just, I'll be writing sentences and then start drawing a dang picture. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't care. I just let it out. And I have a couple journals that allow you to draw and write. You get what I'm

saying. Yeah, yeah, I can, I'll share it with you so you can take a look. It's really cool. But sometimes you just need to let out whatever you're feeling. And I so I don't have like a method for that. But with scripting, it's totally different because it's more of a manifestation exercise. So it's like it's more structured. But I don't really need. journal prompts unless there's a new issue that I'm dealing with that I haven't dealt with before that I'm trying to figure out. Okay, wait. So I need, I've never heard of scripting. You're going to find out and probably judge me in this podcast, but I'm very much manifestation novice. Like, I believe in going after your dreams, but I've never explored doing it in that way. So what is

scripting? It's really simple. It's that people make it sound more complicated than it is. So scripting is just writing out what you are wanting to manifest as if it already is and doing it repeatedly over and over and over and over. So I know some people don't like scripting and they say like it's a waste of time, but for me, I totally disagree. I feel like allowing myself to play around in the world that I want to create makes it more real. It makes it feel more like tangible in order to. Because sometimes you just think of what you want in general and you're like, I want a house at some point. But if you're scripting and you're talking about, you know, the type of paint that you have in your guest room. And I had a really good time today in the pool. It was a little cloudy outside, but I really

enjoyed being next to the pool. You know, it's just talking as if that had already happened. It's fun to do for me, but it's also really powerful as a subconscious tool. So it's like you'll be able to start shifting when you spend a lot of time in the reality that you're trying to create. So some people are like, yeah, girl, whatever. But I promise you, it's really awesome. My immediate question is you're a hardcore meditator. And meditation to me is about being grounded in the present. And scripted to me sounds like being grounded in a future that you're trying to create or that has not happened yet.

How did those two sort of temporal notions interact? Like, can you spend too much time in this dream future where it messes up your experience of the present? or how does that work? So I don't just start scripting in the middle of the day for no reason. It's a very structured practice. I do it as soon as I get up. It's part of my morning routine. So when I get up and I'm like, depending on what I'm working on at the moment,

I may get up at a different time. But every time I will wake up, I take a second, no phone, no nothing. Even before I go and get like my tea or anything like that, I just get very quiet. Start waking up, you know, yawning it out for a moment. And then I start stretching. And then I go get my tea. And then when I'm scripting, I'll sit down at my desk, right? Before, I still haven't looked at my phone.

I sit down and I just start scripting out as if I was waking up that morning in the situation that I'd like to be in. Right? And in the mornings, I feel like that's when the world is so quiet. You can focus. And then when I'm done, I close it. And I don't come back to it again in the day. So with meditation, you hold on to that throughout the whole day. So you treat it sort of as a practice.

And it's a discipline. You do it every, you know, I do it every morning. It's so that's where, that's how they're different. It's like one of them is a tool that I use throughout the day. And one of them is like an intentional tool that I use in the morning that allows me to get in that space and leave it there. I love that. Yeah. I love morning routines too.

I do a morning routine series where I'll just have past guests or people that I'm really interested in come on and walk us through all the details of their morning evening routine. So we'll have to have you back to talk about all of that because I think morning and evening routines are So fascinating. Can you give us an example of something that you've scripted that's happened? Oh, wow. A lot of things. Okay. So I, not too long ago, about a month ago, I would say, I been coaching for a really long time, but never took it online. And I was, you know, working word of mouth. And I'm like, that's fine. I can, you know, I can stay that way. But I knew that I needed to have more people hear my voice. But I never brought it online. So I was technically a newbie to the online. online space. So in my scripting sessions about a month ago, I just spoke about people hearing my voice

and I spoke about having a community of creatives and, you know, creative women that were, you know, empowered and, you know, looked to me as a source because I've been doing it for so long, but just with people that I knew, with the clients that I knew. So I would be scripting about creating really genuine relationships and having an audience of people that were very honest and that were very open to having real dialogue. And at the time I had, I would say my company had about maybe 200 followers and I had about 11,000. And as of today, I'm at 106 and that was about a week a week ago. Wow. Yeah, and my company's at about 11,000. And that literally was like within the span of four days. So it's just an example of I have been writing about having a voice in an audience for over a year. So that's probably, yeah, that's probably the best example. But I got plenty girl.

All right. Maybe we'll get into more. But let's roll back a little bit. Okay. I like to start sort of at the beginning. And you've lived. from what I can tell, like a pretty incredible life. You at one point owned your own fashion magazine. Oh, my God, girl, yes. It has been a winding road. I think a lot of creatives have that story, though, that where they have a gift or something, you know, something that they are passionate about, but it keeps, like, manifesting in different ways. It's like, you know, you were singing jingles at a restaurant when really you need it.

You know what I mean? It's kind of like you end up on all these different, you know, paths to get to where you're supposed to be. And I used to feel very insecure about that. Like, oh, my God, I've done so many things. And, you know, as I got older, I was like, I didn't have it. Like, my fiance has had a very clear path from high school to now. Like, you know, and I wasn't one of those people. So, yeah, there's been so many different iterations of what I do. I did have a fashion magazine when I lived in Atlanta. And I was a, this is around the MySpace time. And I've always been very techy. Like, I've always loved to, like, you know, try to learn code.

And, like, I was really into that. And I decided that I wanted to create a magazine for women. And I was like, okay, but I wanted to be, you know, I wanted to be like a community, which there it is. I've always wanted community. And so I just dove into it. I was like, okay, I need to learn advertising. I need to learn how to design. I need to learn Photoshop.

I need to learn everything about press. I don't even know what that is. I need to know what a publicist. Like, I dove into it. for almost a year and I launched it. And the response was, it was pretty crazy because we ended up being like one of the first women's magazines to ever interview Drake when he was not Drake yet. We had so many different.

He was always Drake. He was always drastic. People forget about his amazing time into grassy when he was fabulous. Yeah. But see, the thing is when he went over into becoming an artist, he was brand new. He hadn't even gotten a co-signed from Little Wayne yet. So when I met him, and so there were a lot of other people who I really respected who, you know, agreed to do interviews.

Like, brands were sending us product. Like, it was just amazing to me that I had this magazine. But obviously, it wasn't what I was meant to do. It was just where I got my start as far as creating a business. And through that experience, I realized that I had more passion for inspiring the interns and the staff that I ended up with than the magazine. So it was just part of it. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm curious. I have a lot of questions about this. Okay. Including was Drake cool in real life? I'll tell you. I would say he was probably one of the most inspiring people I've ever met. Yeah.

He was very unknown here. And for one, he was extremely kind, extremely gracious. But he was like, I'm going to be the biggest rapper, probably the biggest rapper in the world. And I'm like, boy, I just listen to your mixtape. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I, yeah. He had this real deal just belief.

And it was not even just like belief. It was more so just like an acceptance. Like, I'm going to be the biggest rapper. That's interesting. Yeah. Do you think that that, like, you've met quite a few celebrities both recently and then I think just in your life in general. Do you think that the people who achieve those mega,

levels of success and fame, they have that same quality? I do. I mean, the people who I have met and been inspired by, there was never a doubt as far as who they were. It might have been a doubt of how they would get there, but not a doubt about if they ever would, if that makes sense. So that acceptance and belief. Was he short? No, he wasn't short. He was taller than me. Yeah, He was taller than me, but he was so, like, academic. When you talk to him, yeah, you don't, he doesn't talk the way that he talks in regular interviews and stuff. When I talk to him in person, he's like a professor, you know, and he was like, my mom made

me study the dictionary when I was a kid, you know, and I'm like, oh, that makes sense. But it helps us being a rapper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you need to know, like, I'm sure rappers, but it's funny because rappers are like, kind of like street and they're like, you know, have their big pants or whatever, but like they have to have such an impressive vocabulary to be able to do what they do. Like they probably have the best vocabulary in the world. Yes. Better than like a literary fiction writer, but you think of a literary fiction writer in one way and you can a rapper in another way. Yeah. That's so interesting.

Okay. So other than I love my celeb gossip, it's like my really my guilty pleasure. Like I literally be sitting there reading like a hard, in-depth, emotionally wrought book. And then I'll also be reading Us Weekly. Yep. Yeah. I'll enjoy them equally. Mm-hmm. One of my recipes was in Us Weekly last week.

And I was trying to explain to my dad why that was the most exciting thing that has ever happened in my career. And he just like could not comprehend it. Like he just did. He's never under. He's just like celebrities are normal people. They go to the bathroom. And I'm like, no, dad.

It's so different. You don't get it. You don't get it. This is Us Weekly. But outside of that, I'm curious where you're always, like, when you're a kid, a lot of people are like, oh, I'd love to start a fashion magazine or I'd, but they don't know where to start or how to start or have the self-belief to start. When you were a kid, were you like ambitious? Did you grow up with parents saying you can do whatever you want? How did you get that mindset in the first place? Well, when I was a kid, I was very, I was a ham. Like, I was on the table singing Tina Turner. I was very much like I was always singing. I was. thought I would be a singer as a kid. I mean, but the real answer to that question is that my sister

and my brother, they have a different dad than I do. And because I was the youngest and my dad was perceived as a bad person, my mom put a lot of time and energy into pouring into my self-confidence and trying to make me feel that I wasn't a reflection of him. So it had the effect of making me, like, when someone would be like, hi, what's your name? I'm like, I'm going to be famous. You know, Like it was sick. It was that point as a kid. Yeah. And it was my mom always, you know, cheering me on. Oh, yeah, she's, she's going to be something like. And it affects you sometimes negatively. You know what I mean? But for some people, how your parents view you and treat you will shape what you feel about yourself. So obviously, for a long time, I just had this belief as a kid that the world was going to open up to me and I was going to end up, you know, someone, you know, a big celebrity or something. And. Yeah, that was me as a kid. I was very, would you like to hear me saying? Like, that was me. I would walk up to strangers and just very animated jokester, all that as a kid. So yeah. I was very similar as a kid. And I actually think it was really good for me because it's been the thing that I have a life model that's like never be the one to say no to yourself.

Like always just try stuff. Yeah. And let somebody else tell you know. And I think that having that outlook as a kid made me do that. And it's why I've been able to publish books and things like that. But I also think I had to have this reckoning almost, maybe in my 20s, where I was like, oh, I'm not Britney Spears or whoever is the, like, I'm not that famous. I'm not ever probably going to be an Olympian or the president or something like that. Did you ever have that thing? Girl. And how did you deal with that?

Me and my fiance talk about this all the time because he had the same experience as far as people just constantly telling you, you're the. top tier leader. You're the, you know, you're always used to being the star kid and then, but no one reels it in for you at any point. And say to you, like, okay, but it's going to take work ethic and it's going to take discipline and you're going to understand that no one cares. You're not special. You're just unique. Like, you know what I mean? Oh, that's such a, you're not especially. You're just unique. That's like a really good. I should get that tattooed on my body. One of my mentors, Preston, he says it all the time. He's just like, you know, there's a,

I think sometimes we forget that, you know, when it comes to children, it's great to build them up, but you do have to make things real for them and let them know what they're about to go experience in the world. So they're not devastated when it doesn't all fall into their lap. You know, so, so yes, I had that reckoning. So if you were coaching, I'm curious on both sides. Like, if you were coaching somebody now and they had the overly, I'm a star, why isn't the world giving me what I deserve, what would you tell them? And then also what would you tell the person who grew up without the parents that believed in themselves? How would they overcome that kind of childhood to have success as an adult? Well, there's a couple questions in one.

For one, when I work with adults that are usually just starting a business, maybe they've had businesses before. It's not very often where I run into someone who wants to hire me who has that kind of mindset as if there aren't going to be any struggles or they've probably had some. which led them to a coach. But as far as people who didn't get that, I always tell people, before you hire a business or a mindset coach, you definitely need to seek out a mental health professional first. And people say, well, I don't know why I would need to do that. There's the internal work that you have to do. It's not something that a life coach or a business coach can help you do. You actually have to really get down into the fundamental parts of your identity, who you are. Why do you believe that? What is that, you know, where did that come from? And that's,

work that no, you know, self-help book is going to do for you. And I always tell people that, like, sometimes you definitely have to recognize when a client needs a mental health professional first before working on, you know, mindset coaching and things like that. Because you're really not helping, you're not helping them. You know, with what you're doing, if they haven't done those foundational pieces of, you know, work with a therapist. I would not be where I am without mine. So. Yeah. It's so hard to find a good therapist. though I have, I'm starting to see, I have one guy who, I was like, I went through a period where I was like agoraphobic, extremely anxious when I lived in England. And I had a therapist

that, like, literally saved my life. And he just agreed to see me by Skype because nobody's leaving their office for therapy or their house for therapy anymore anyways. So I'm excited. But I went to like five after moving back to the States and they were all terrible. And I was just like, tell me something I don't know, you know. Oh yeah. I got lucky though. My first time ever seeing a therapist, I should have gone as a teenager, but it was when I was older. And the first therapist said to me that I got dumped. Like she did one session with me. And she was like, this is a little advanced.

Yeah. Are you allowed to do that? I think you can. Poor girl. She was like, I'm sorry. Like, this is a bit advanced for me. So, and I had gone through a breakup right before that. And I was like, damn, I got dumped again.

Like, wow, I'm that messed up. You know, so what are you supposed? I feel like you just go. home and be like, what if I just have just to do with my life? Exactly. She kind of like let me down easy though. So right after that, I found a therapist who completely changed my life. And I wouldn't be the person sitting in front of you without her. She was extremely influential in everything that has happened to me in the last five years. I'm always curious. I know you can't like, you know, distill everything a therapist helps you with into one or two concrete thoughts. But I'm

always curious if there was anything that she said to you that you were like, oh, that's a universal perspective shift that other people could benefit from hearing. I would just say in general, a therapist will help you examine what you don't think to examine. You know, why do you think that way? What is this doing for you? Like, we kind of operate on a surface level in our day-to-day lives. And I can't speak for everyone's experience. But for me, having a therapist made me really uncover what thoughts and beliefs that I had that did not belong to me. And they were so cemented in who I was, I've never examined them. You know, I've never taken the time to be like, wait a minute now. Come on. Like, where did that come from? Like, and why do you think that's the

way it is? And I'm an overachiever when it comes to having to do work. And so as soon as I went to therapy, I just dove into it and like gave 100% of my effort and energy into, you know, doing the work. And I was never the same after that. I tell every single person that I meet, you need to get one. And I don't care if you think you do or you don't. Like, you literally will not ever know until you do. Also, whenever we mentioned therapy on the podcast, I always like to tell people that you can, one, ask therapists for a free 20 minute first session to see if they're good fit. And she can ask them to do a sliding scale because a lot of people think that it's like for rich people or they can't afford therapy. Absolutely. That's what people say the most.

It's like it's too, you know, it's too costly. And it's one of the things I'm passionate about is trying to normalize it within the black community. And I'm starting to offer like free health sessions for black women during this time. And like, so it's not something that I've been able to really jump into yet for the community. But I'm really excited to do that. Have you found that the black community is more resistance at there? Or like, do you think therapy is more marketed to white people in general or more accepted in the white community? Well, I can say from personal experience, therapy wasn't something that was important growing up, no matter how traumatic the experience. It was more so, you know, you need to get to church and pray. And that was the catch-all for everything. And so I kind of grew up

with this just pray and it'll be fine, which I don't think is bad. I just think that, you know, mental health has to be normalized more in our community because you never wanted to be labeled crazy or things like that, right? So growing up, I thought like therapy and mental health were for the people who were in straight jackets. And I'm like the crazy people. And that's what I really believed growing up my whole life. That's what I thought. So I do think that early on therapy should be normalized for sure. How did you switch to being like, okay, it's cool if I see a therapist? Girl, having a breakdown. Like, it was not like I was like, I'm no way.

They were like, I'm in a trade jacket. So I was like, the therapist is for me. I was strapped down. No, seriously. Seriously, no, all jokes inside, I had no other choice. Like, I was having a real breakdown where I wasn't in control of myself, my mind. I had just hit a breaking point. And I got to a place where I was like, I need help here.

I know that I need help here. And instead of, you know, thank God, turning to any substances or anything, I called my mom. I was like, Mom, can you fly here, please? And she was like, I can't right now, but you need to see someone and you need to do it now. And that day forward, I was like, if I want to continue living, if I want to continue having, you know, the life that I see for myself, if I want to have a healthy relationship one day, I've got to just surrender my sense of control over everything and know that I'm not doing this right. I'm doing this in a way that is, you know, abusive to myself, my ways of thinking, you know, all those things need to change.

And so I kind of came to the situation just like, listen, I'll do whatever, like, tell me what's going on. And so that's how I kind of came crawling and like help, you know. And so that's how I ended up making a switch because I knew what I was doing before wasn't enough, you know? What is your relationship with mental health now? Like, do you struggle with anxiety or depression or any of those types of things? Now I don't. I'm very blessed to be in a relationship where we are very open about the waves and tides of what we're going through. Both of us really value our relationship with our therapist as well as our couples therapist. So I feel some of the way. I feel supported. I've, you know, definitely held on to the tools that I was given, you know,

throughout the work of having a therapist. And I'm very vocal. I'm very in tune with what I'm feeling like during this whole period in the last few weeks, I knew I was like, oh, no, I can't do this by myself. Like, you know, this whole process of becoming very visible, very quickly, I knew better. I was like, uh-uh, girl, we're doing day to day now. Forget weekly, forget two weeks. We're doing day to day because I kind of of look after it, just like as a natural, you know, reaction to day to day. I look after my mental health like I would anything else. Oh, that's interesting. You're sort of like waking up, attuning to it and kind of, I guess, nipping things in the bud before they would get extreme.

Yes, exactly. For me, I mean, this is, because I'm a coach and I work with people all day, I take in a lot of energies. And I have to be completely present for people throughout the day and not just in a, you know, hey, how are you kind of way, but more so helping them get into really deep personal stuff a lot of times. And I have to be very mindful of my own boundaries, both, you know, emotionally, mentally, all of it. So I become more aware just because of the kind of work that I always do. Do you have any other sort of, we've talked about meditation and journaling, but do you have any other things in your mental health toolkit and therapy? Obviously, like do you work out? Do you take any supplements, anything else of that ill?

Definitely work out. I always turn back to that when I'm feeling something like when I'm my nervous system is like I can't take much of certain things. And so working out helps with that. But also talking it out with people who are like on a certain level of understanding and who know me. I can if I'm able to talk and some people don't like it. You know, some people are like to shut down. I'm not that person. I'm like, hey girl, how you doing? Can we talk about this really? crazy thing. Do you have space for that? And that's how my friends are too. And talking things out really make a huge difference for me. Having sessions with other friends and people who I'm associated with. And especially right now, having groups of black women to have a space where we can just kind of let out because it's extremely difficult right now to just kind of show up and still do what you need to do in the midst of having to fight for your own right. to just live a normal life. You know, people are arguing in comment sections about your right to live.

So it's traumatic. You know what I mean? And so it's like you have to be no one you need support. Like no when you can't go it alone and quickly act on it and give yourself the tools. So it's interesting because I also like the thing you said where when you go to your friends, you're like, hey girl, do you have space for like you almost, you practice the conversation by making sure they can deal with the conversation. And I actually think that's something a lot of people, myself included, don't think to do. And then we're not met with the type of listening.

Even with my husband, I think even if I was like, do you have space to talk about this serious thing I want to talk about right now? I'd get better results than when I just like siddle over while he's working on the computer. And I'm like, here's my emotional thoughts. And then I get mad that he's not listening to me properly. Yeah. I mean, it's so important, especially like in our household right now, because of what's been happening to me. We just cut off the word racism at a certain point. We stopped talking about everything that's going on at a certain point just to kind of be mindful of our space and energy.

And especially because we're an interracial couple, we can just go on forever hours and hours and hours. And we create a boundary there. And since, you know, the video went viral and I need my friends and I need to talk to people, I'm still mindful that everyone is in there. So I'm just respecting their space. I'm like, hey, not just, hey, girl, how are you?

Good. Okay, so here's what I want to talk. Yeah. It's not like that. No, I really actually inquire and ask before I ever go into what I'm, you know, thinking because I want those relationships to continue to be mutually beneficial, mutually nurturing. Like, I value them. And so the other day, I noticed that I was just firing off texts at people just in a rush. And I'm like, let me back this up because everybody's dealing with something right now different,

whether they be white, black, whoever. They're dealing with different things. And so I try to stay as mindful as possible about what the ask, what I'm asking of other people energetically, you know? I get asked all of the time about which CBD brands I recommend. And honestly, I have like two or three companies reach out every week asking to work together. But I wanted to find a brand that I really loved and could stand behind. before recommending it to you guys, which is why I am so excited to share Kyoto Botanicals with you. Kyoto Botanicals has a few incredibly important things going for them.

They own and operate their hemp supply chain from seed to bottle and hand-produce every bottle they sell to deliver products with unmatched consistency and quality. They believe that every single ingredient matters and should contribute to your overall health, which is why they only use USDA certified organic oils to deliver flavor with benefits. Their products only have organic single-source plant extracts, not lab-developed flavors and colors. So you get whole plant benefits as nature intended. Finally, their hemp is grown according to strict organic and biodynamic standards, and they only use organic coconut MCT oil as a carrier.

They have a few different products, but my favorite ones are their tinctures. The breath one is lemon ginger flavored and it helps ease mild anxiety caused by everyday stresses, promotes a sense of calm, and it helps with digestion thanks to the ginger. The warmth one has cinnamon and turmeric to help manage inflammation caused by an active day and to help reduce exercise-induced inflammation. Finally, the restful one is minty and it helps to promote relaxation and support healthy sleep patterns. My personal favorite way to take the tincture is to put a few drops under my tongue and let it sit for about 30 seconds before swallowing. That way, the most active compounds get straight into your body. They always have free shipping, which I love, and then you can get a whopping 25%

off your order by visiting kiotobotanicals.com and using the code healthier together, like the name of this podcast. Again, that's K-Y-O-T-O-T-O-B-O-T-A-N-I-I-C-A-L-S-Kyodotot-L-S-Kyododotanicals. And the code is healthier together. I cannot wait for you to try these. They are truly going to change your life. Now, let's get back to the episode. I'm curious. I want to talk about your fiancé in a second and the international couple. element. But for the friendship thing and having people to have those deep emotional conversations with, it's a thing I have really struggled with my own life. And I also hear from a lot of people that they have a hard time making friends of that depth. Like you can make a lot of sort of the

shallow I can go out and drink with you friends. Do you have any advice for cultivating a community of people who would be open or willing to having those conversations and being there on that really emotionally deep level? Yes. I've always had that. issue too because I moved around a lot and I was always new. So I was never, I like, like my fiance has friends that he knew and like preschool. Same with I also, I have a theory that boys like make their friends young and then they just cling to them for dear life and don't make new friends. Because like Zach's best friends are his high school friends and they are so different now. But he like he'll he he'll, we moved to New York. He didn't make friends in New York. He just

waited for them all to move to New York. And then they eventually went and he's like, well, not my friends here. It's so weird. Like I'm like, I'm like, how are you, how do you have pictures with people and from kindergarten and you guys are sitting at the bar together? Like it's, it's so weird, but that's not my reality. Yeah. I don't have that type of reality. I would say my oldest friend is about maybe 15 years or so. So because I've moved around a lot, I didn't have that same thing. And as far as being an adult, and I have, I did a video about this is getting intentional about wanting to create relationships rather than being like, I hope we can become friends, I don't know.

Like, you know, just set the intention to start cultivating real relationships with people. And I know it sounds weird, but just be honest. Be like, I would love to be your friend. Like, if the person feels awkward about that or, you know, usually anytime I've ever done that, they're like, I do too. I've never really had a problem with it. But I think just making your intentions clear and not looking at it for what you can gain from being a friend, just kind of looking at it like, you know, what can we,

both gain or do, you know, is this nurturing for both of us? I got dumped by a friend one time and it was probably the best experience I've ever had because I needed it. She was like, I just think we need to part ways. She was like, wow, we're not in a space where we are able to really show up for each other. And I think maybe another time in our lives, we would be friends. Wow. Yeah. And I mean, of course, at the time, I just, you know, was the victim like, oh my gosh, she dumped me, you know. But it was maybe four years later. Today we're like this. That's such a badass move.

She's a badass. But her name's Juliet. She doesn't care if I tell the story. But I needed that because my idea, I didn't value friendship. I remember one time a mentor told me you pick friends with less judgment than you pick fruit at the store. Like you just pick people. You make me laugh. Let's be friends.

Like I just kind of just grabbed on to people without really taking. taking the time to be intentional about it. And as I got older, I started to become very intentional about relationships. And that's how now I feel good about the friendships that I have because I'm open to making new ones all the time. But I make sure that I pour into the ones that I have, you know, rather than just being like, whatever, I don't make friends. You know what I mean?

I just value it more now. I also definitely think that it's a two-step process because when you say like, just tell people you want to be their friend, I'm like, great. That sounds like such a good idea. But then I roll back and I'm like, you need so much confidence in what you bring to the table to even be willing to do that versus being like, why would this person want to be my friend? So I feel like you almost need to convince yourself that you're a worthy person to be somebody's friend before you can even take that second step. Well, it goes a lot deeper than that too because you have to believe you're a worthy person to even accept genuine friendship. You know what I mean?

Yeah. It's like you will be the person who doesn't show up. up when you say you're going to show up. You will be the friend that flakes on people every time because you know, those have to do with beliefs about who you are and what you are. For me, that was part of it. It's like when I got intentional about being a good friend and making sure that I was, you know, pouring into my friendships, it included going, you know, talking and going places when I may have changed my mind about it, but showing up when I say I'm going to for the people and not just relying on them to always show up. Like, be there for me when I need you, but I'm not going to do that.

So I think it's just about intentionality, to be honest. You know, it's just like with any other relationship, it takes work. You have to maintain friendships. It's like maintenance on the ones that you have. Well, and I think really, that's one of my best relationship things I've learned to is putting out what you want to get back, like instead of sitting around and being like, I wish my husband complimented me more. Or like, I wished for the longest time that I had the friends that were really effusive about their love for each other. I'd listen to these like podcasts with this one friend group, Sophia Bush and her friends. I don't know if they're always like, I love you, girl, you got this. Like they're just so abusive. And I was like, oh, I want that. And then I realized I wasn't telling my

friends how amazing they were. And I started doing that. And they realized that was an open channel of communication to talk like that. And then they started doing it back to me. And same with Zach. Like I always say also the best way to like increase your sex life isn't to sit around and like complain that you don't have the sex life you wanted to go and start to have sex in the way, you know, like with your, with a consenting partner, of course, but like, do that you want to get back rather than sitting around and being like, I wish I got more compliment. I wish I had more sex. I wish I got more little cute presents when my partner went to the grocery store or whatever. Yes. Is your love language words of affirmation?

Yes. It sounds like mine too. Mine too. I just picked that up. I'm like, okay. I make people uncomfortable sometimes, and I know it, because I am very vocal about what I feel about someone's, you know, progress, ability to handle what they're going through. Every little win, I don't mess around about celebrating because that's how, that's my love language, you know. I love that. Yeah. And it's different with relationships, but also with friendships. every friend that I have, they know that they're going to get some kind of text from me at some point affirming them and what they're doing. And I just, I don't know any other way to be. There's no way for me to like hold it in. Like, I have to do it. It's just, it just makes a well done compliment makes you

feel so seen because it's beyond like I'm doing something good. It's that this person recognizes what I want to be seen as doing well, you know? And it just makes you feeling. seen, I think is ultimately my, it's like, because I, it's words of affirmation. Then I also like gift giving, but not in like a, here's a present way. I like when like Zach goes to the store and it's like, I know you love peaches and this peach looks so good and I got you this peach. This deep moment of being like, this person sees me and they know me and they're giving me what they know I need. Yes. It makes me a little emotional just because I think about how I think everybody just wants to be seen in that way. Like being words of affirmation to me, it's just another way of just saying

like, I see you. A lot of my friends have come from me being a coach and so they have businesses and things like that. And when I see them doing the hard things or that maybe no one else knew was hard, I just, you know, I'm inspired by how you show up in the world. Like, I'm, what you're doing right now is badass and I can't wait. And I just, just let them know and keep it moving. I don't wait to hear something back. I don't need any of that. I just value affirming the people around me. And like you said, with relationships, mine is gifts too. That's my second one, just like you. That's my second one. Yeah. And then, oh, is that? What is that? Is his, exact opposite. His physical touch and acts of service are his top. So it's definitely been like

our entire relationship has been learning to give love in the way the other person perceives receiving love. Yes, girl. Well, Jesse's the same. He's his acts of service and physical touch. And it manifested as him always cooking for me until I like gained 20 pounds. You know what I mean? So it turned. I'm like, let's roll it back here.

Let it roll it. We need to talk about our love languages. But yeah, we are the same. And we have open discussions about, you know, our love languages and how we are, you know, expressing them. because if you don't tell me, you could do everything for me. But if you don't say anything, then I'm feeling like, you know, but, and he's, he's different. He's like, you know, your acts of service are more important to me than words.

So, yeah. Can you just actually, like, in a nutshell for anybody who's listening is like, what the F are they talking about? Can you just briefly describe what the love languages are and why they're important for relationships? Yeah, I guess I can break it on down. Just briefly. Yeah. Well, love languages are just ways.

that people receive and show love. And from my understanding, I mean, I wouldn't teach a class on this, but I would tell a person if I was at a dinner table, like, listen, if you receive love in a particular way, let's just say, we'll use words of affirmation, for example. Your husband can be a person who is, you know, acts of service. And he's constantly washing the car and like, look, babe, you know, I painted the wall, like what I did. But he never says anything like, I love you. I'm so happy to have you. You feel like you're not being loved, even subconsciously, where he's like, I'm doing every freaking thing I can, right?

He's like, I do everything. That's because that's how he receives love. But you keep telling him, I love you so much. You mean the world to me. And he's like, well, the least she could do is help me when she sees up. You get what I'm saying. There's a disconnect. That's why it's called a love language, because it's like language of how you speak,

how you connect. And if you are having a relationship with someone and you don't know their love language, even friends, you guys can totally miss each other. So I highly recommend people look into it and understand their own. It changes the way that you have relationships with everyone and help me understand my mom better. It's not just for romantic relationships. It's for friendships and familial relationships as well. Especially a lot of people I think have that parent who they're like, oh, my dad never said I love you. And it lets you see all the other ways your dad said I love you.

And I think that can make you feel really loved in a way that you might not have to ask, which is really special. Absolutely. You have to ask, what would you want somebody, like, what would be the ultimate thing somebody could say to you that would make you feel so seen? I would say, you know, you made me laugh through a hard time in my life, I would say. Because I've always valued being the class clown. And then as I got older, I just laughing is mandatory for me every day and making people laugh, especially when they're going through, like, especially. when clients are like, I'm so frustrated. You know, like for me, I always love how I can turn it into something to make them laugh.

So I would say maybe that. Like, I don't know. It's just something that even more so than, you know, you change my life or something like that. It's just kind of like you made this journey a little easier. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. So you mentioned that your husband or your fiance, when's the wedding?

We don't have our wedding plan yet. You can talk to COVID. Call her. Ask her. Tell her the text. I love. weddings more than anything on this planet. And I have, I met at COVID for many reasons, although I'm a little grateful for COVID in terms of what we're talking about in terms of Black Lives

Matter. But she canceled like seven weddings for me this summer. And I'm like, come on. It's the biggest bummer. Girl, well, we were so excited about the idea of like getting everything together. And we had a conversation about it recently. Like, I don't want a socially distance wedding. So let's wait. Let's see what happens later. Because I like to dance. I need to be like, you know, I need atomic dog to be playing. Like, I really need a wedding. Like, we need to have a real party here. That's where I would be at. Yeah. So it's no rush. Like it's, we're more than happy to wait until it can be a real occasion for our family and friends without putting them in hard way. First of all, I have to ask if you manifested him. Yes, I do. But that's with everything. We're all

I'm going to probably talk about this in like some form or fashion in the future. But just to give you a little bit, it's pretty similar to what I was telling you before about scripting is just kind of having conversations with a person who didn't exist yet and treating my life as if I was creating space for a person who hadn't come yet. So yeah, we can do a whole show about that part. Can you just explain a little bit more? Or even just to bring it really down pragmatically, I have a lot of friends who are like in their late 20s, early 30s, and they have dated so many just turds, just like pieces of poop. And they do not believe, or they're having a hard time holding on to the belief that there's a good guy in the world for them when there's so much evidence to the contrary. So what would you tell them?

Well, the thing is you got to be careful with the making the look. statements of belief. Like the minute you transform into one of those people, whether it be for good reason or not, there are no more good guys. There is, you know, it's, it sucks. These guys, like, be careful with those kind of statements because they become beliefs and then they control how you interact. And I know that's difficult to say, well, I just keep meeting, you know, jerks. I've had that experience, too. Like, you know what I mean? I've been cheated on all kinds of craziness. But I never allowed myself to take the stance of a person who believed that there were no good guys left. It was just a mindset thing. I forced myself not to group everything in, you know, based on my

experiences. And I've done that with things outside of dating. It's like, no matter how many times I've been turned down for something or didn't get this. I'm not going to let it turn me into someone who thinks there are no good opportunities or I will never make it. So it's just, it's same principles involved. You know what I mean? Like just optimism. I hate to say it that simply, but you can't buy into the, because there's a whole crowd of people who will agree with you. Like, girl, they're all gone. There are no more. They're all, you know, I didn't allow myself to get in that, that gallery of the peanut gallery. Are you one of the people who believes you need to be comfortable with the vision of your life if a partner never happens to, or are you somebody

who like is like, no, you can definitely believe there's a partner out there for you and you will find that person. It depends on whatever you want. Like I don't buy into this thing like you have to do this or you have to do that. Like I'm over 30 and I have no children and there are a lot of people in my family who believe what's wrong with you girl. Like, you know, I don't buy into these what you should do. I have a guy friend. He's about to turn 60. He's never been married and he's he travels the world. And he's just like, it's just never been for me. I know my mom wanted that for me. And it's not because he's like a playboy or something.

He's just, you know, and he's himself, you know, I don't believe in these you should kinds of things. I don't think you should have to be with, you know, a person who looks like this or does this. Like, we live here one time. You just got to really go after what makes you feel whole. And that might change. That could be different next year. it's nobody's you know no one can stop you from you know doing what it is that you really feel in your heart to be true for you you know well and i think it's just hard sometimes to zero in on that because we are just we're fed so many narratives of like this is what life looks like from movies and from books and from our family and i think it can be hard to be like this is what life could look like to even know that there are other options for what your life could look like i think is is a hard thing yes how do you visualize something you're thing that you never had an image for, you know. Exactly. I mean, it's not easy at all. I fall,

you know, makes into societal pressures, you know, at time. We all do. That's where we were, as children, we learn what we should be doing. And so it's hard to kind of just individuate and just be, you know, be comfortable being your own, your own person because it's so deeply ingrained in us what we should be, you know, if you are, you should be a good girl. So that means, you know, you should not be speaking out about something or because you're black, you shouldn't be with someone who's of another race. And it's different for everybody. So there's the societal ones and then there's like the generational ones. Like there's so many things that we've been given. And I saw a quote the other day that said traditions are just guilt trips from dead people or something like that. You know what I mean?

It's like, yeah, it's kind of like you have to examine all of your beliefs and all of the things. that you think you have to do and decide, did I come up with that? Or, because some of the things that were given to you are great. Some of the things that were passed down to you are amazing, you know, they make you who you are. But the ones that make you feel as if you can't be fully expressed, like, for instance, someone who is, you know, gay or bisexual or things like that, like, it's the society that we live in, but it's also sometimes generational that makes you think that you're wrong

for that. And in our tradition, we do this. And it's kind of like, no, like you're supposed to live this life as fully as possible and not allow yourself to be held down by what's expected of you. And you are in a interracial relationship. Your fiance is white. And I know you've talked about how with your viral video, he was the person who sort of encouraged you to share that, right? Yeah, he did. He did. I'm curious how else, like, Habi. in an interracial relationship has impacted how you're going through this moment in history and how it sort of impacted your relationship as a whole. Well, the thing is we have very deep conversations about race even before right now because it's our reality every day. We're both living different realities, right? So it is something we talk about very openly before the movement began. And as for right now, when this is all starting, Jesse is probably one of the most well-informed

people that I can say that I even know white or black. So I learn a lot from him. And we, he learned from me. We have open discussions a lot. But because I went viral for a video talking directly to white people, he has been able to help me understand some of the DMs that I get that the long paragraphs because at the end of the day, even though I can relate and talk to someone and understand their experience, I will never embody and understand what it is to be white, just like no one white will know what it is to be black.

So he has really been helpful to me as far as understanding what it means to deconstruct your, you know, mindset around white supremacy as a white person. and him doing the personal, you know, work of understanding how he contributed in his life, you know, unknowingly to racism. Those are things that a white person has to go through on a journey that I can't, I wouldn't be able to relate to. You know what I mean? So that's how he's helped me to understand it a lot more.

But as far as like this moment right now, he's been extremely supportive and helpful when it comes to me having this huge platform all of a sudden with so much pressure, you know, because I was like, I didn't like volunteer to be like the voice of anything. You know what I mean? And he's really helped me to stay grounded in, you know, the fact that I have a responsibility to do what I've always been doing. I don't have a responsibility to do more than that or do it for only a certain group of people. he's helped me to kind of stay in my center of who I am during this time.

I think it's really helpful to even hear that he's also doing this anti-racism worker, that he's trying to figure out how he's contributed to the system of white supremacy because I think a lot of people, a shitty example, are like, well, I have, you know, some black friends. Or like, I clearly am not part of the problem because I'm not racist and here's my examples of why. He's literally engaged to a black woman and he's still doing this work. And I think that that's like an important thing for people, that nobody's immune from it. Like nobody is shouldn't be doing this work. Yeah.

I mean, he's been doing it since a child because of how his parents are, you know. And this isn't new for him. But as we, you're always growing. And I think it's important for people to know that it's not just a hashtag and this is what we're focused on today. It's something that's going to, you're going to continue to learn. as you come into new situations and meet new people, it's a journey that you're going to go on. And it's, it's tough. It's really tough because it's deconstructing everything you thought.

Most people are like, well, I know I'm not racist. I'm not racist. So I know I'm not, I'm not the bad guy here. You know what I mean? And I think that is, it's way too short-sighted. It has to be like, I, okay, you're not racist, but you have to understand how you being white and your privilege contributes to the system of white supremacy. And without being, you know, so I think people don't take that journey to understand that part because they're so stuck on,

I'm not racist, I'm not racist. And it's like, that's not enough because there's, it goes further than that. And so what I think this movement is doing right now, which is one of the most just incredible things I've ever seen in my entire life is the focus on it's not enough to just be not, you know, not racist, but to be anti-racist. I think I'm like, yes, damn it. Like, we're going somewhere here. Like, we're getting somewhere, you know? It's, it feels like more and more people are waking up to the idea and understanding like, wait, whoa, like, I affect this. I am a part of it. Yeah. I uphold this. And I've never seen anything like that on this kind of scale ever. Yeah, I mean, it feels different than anything in my

lifetime, certainly, which is incredible and exciting. What would you say to people who want to incorporate anti-racism into their work, but their core work is about, you know, recipe development or fitness or their real estate broker or something like that? Could you share some advice for that, both from like a creative entrepreneur and how you would tell them to engage with that and then also maybe somebody in a more corporate environment? Well, it's tricky because a lot of times I see that white people try to jump into the battle without even really knowing the enemy, right? And it's one thing to say, you know, there needs to be more black people up in here. Like, that's good. That's great. But understanding, because we look at racism as just this thing, like we're fighting racism,

but you have to first understand the legs of racism. What is the system? Because it is a system. So I always tell people before trying to lead, first be led, first understand what you're fighting, you know, understand what this is the bigger picture before be trying to say, you know, I'm an ally and this is the work that I do. Do you even understand how white supremacy works? Do you understand, you know, how it manifests in different ways in different industries? And, you know, so I don't think it's bad for people to speak up. And I don't think it's bad for people to, you know, get involved in activism and donate and get involved locally with organizations and do everything they can. But the real work is turning inward first and coming face to face with your own whiteness and understanding it and getting to a place where you can see it for what it is and as it pertains to how. this country is built, how this country works. And when I really gave it some thought, because I've gotten thousands of DMs, thousands of DMs from people. And from what I can see, a lot of times people are like, my family is racist and I'm having trouble talking to them. Or I'm, you know, I don't know how to make any change. What can I do? And so I'm in the middle of just creating a

workshop called intentional activism. And it's, you know, I'm, you know, I don't know how to make any change. What can I do? And so I'm in the middle of just creating a workshop. And it's a space to kind of deconstruct before trying to build for white people. Because I think it's deeper than just, you know, I believe in Black Lives Matter and I'm going to go with that. It's like you got to have the tools to fight the war, you know? Well, I think I totally agree with everything you're saying. I think the thing I run into is like I'm doing the journaling book, me and white supremacy. And I'll do a journaling prompt in there. Like, I can always find a hair salon that knows how to handle my hair or all of my

kids' books had characters that looked like me. And I'll be like, holy shit, that's true. And then I'll get pissed off and frustrated. And I'll want to do something with that pissed offness and frustration. I think the instinct to act comes from, or like, I watch. the 13th a really long time ago, but I've had a lot of friends who watched it recently and are like, this is a huge problem, you know, like, and it's clearly a huge problem. And I think that everybody wants to do the education, but it feels like such a crazy problem that it instigates this need to act.

And that's where that comes from, you know, and then sit back and say, like, well, black people are being enslaved by the prison system. But I'm going to read some more books so I can understand, and the problem better, it doesn't feel like enough, you know? You're just like, ah. Yeah, no, they coincide. Like, you are able to still, you know, take action as an activist while, because obviously there are things happening right now. Right. But so I think they, because remember, the learning process is lifelong. You're never going to stop. So you have to allow them to coexist and being conscious that they are coexisting. You're constantly, you know, learning. You're going to stumble. You're going to say the wrong thing. You're going to, you know, have an idea about something and be like, wait,

that's white supremacy. Why am I even like, you're not going to just get it in a week and all of a sudden you're, you know, it's all solved. It really is a journey that you're going to mess up. You're going to get better at understanding things around you. And it's important to kind of not have this instinct to where it has to be changed at this moment. Me, I have to be changed at this moment. That has to be changed at this moment. You always want to do something daily that helps the causes that are, you know, that are set right now for the, like right now we're learning about so many, you know, black people who aren't talked about on the news, who lost their lives, who it's not the main news story. And so now that there, you know, there's more information coming out,

people are taking action and calling, you know, their local offices and making sure that they donate and educating themselves on what happened. And so there's something, always something, you can do. I say just do one thing daily if you can to just make sure this is a daily practice, but also make sure that you're learning every day and make sure that you're taking time to do that inner work because I hear people say, well, anti-racism isn't, you know, personal development work. And I'm like, oh, be careful with that because you're definitely developing as you do the work. So that's how I feel about it. I've seen a lot of people say that, you know, don't look at it as personal development.

And I'm like, we can unpack that. I'm like, let's talk about that first. I think that I've heard that from a lot of black creators because they don't want white people tackling it as like a self-help exercise. Yes. But I also think that the point of self-help is to become the most fully actualized person you can. And part of that is being awake to what's going on in the world, being, having like real

levels of empathy, not just for people who look like you. So it's interesting. I'm curious your perspective on it, actually, a little bit more to unpack it because I can see both sides. I do too. And I think it's because white people have the tendency to take over. And next thing you know, it starts with, you know, I'm an ally and then it turns into this whole, you know, movement that is not led by anyone black. And so if we know that's the tendency and if we know that's how it goes, then I do think it's important to not see it as, you know, personal development work as far as, you know, what we know normal personal development work to be, but it has to be in a very intentional practice.

And so it is personal development, but it's important to make that distinction. You know what I mean? Yeah, that makes a ton of sense. I am curious because you coach, you know, creative entrepreneurs for somebody like me, I think a lot of people are struggling how to navigate, like putting out content or doing their jobs in a way that feels actively anti-racist and sensitive to the moment, but also is adhering. to what people came to them for in the first place and the job that they started off doing. So do you have advice for sort of navigating that? Authenticity every time. I have clients who, you know, have been called out.

I have clients who are struggling with, you know, experiences that have been brought back up and things like that. And I'm like, the knee-jerk reaction to be defensive has to be resisted. The knee-jerk reaction to just perform. has to be resisted. There has to be an unprecedented level of authenticity, you know, especially if you have, you know, you have relationships with your clients or with your fan base or customers. You have to just show up as raw and as honest as possible. You know, there is no way to save face because at the same time, you are talking to audience members who are black. You're literally coming out and speaking about, you know, and I'm talking about maybe someone who was called out for doing something that was

racist that was unintentional or whatever it may be. There's no way to create a fake, you know, response that you think everyone's just going to, you know, buy. Like, this is a new level of accountability that we're all seeing. And I feel like with anything, you, just have to be as honest as possible and not be afraid to, you know, make mistakes. You're going to lose audience members. You're going to lose people who don't think you're handling it the right way. There's no way to navigate that and still keep everybody happy. You just have to show up as dedicated to doing the work honestly, but to be as honest and authentic as possible and allow yourself to be taught. And I did an interview with Lily Reinhart and she was letting people come

on to her live that she had never met and having conversations with them and black people who she had never met in front of all these millions of people and allowing herself to be taught and make mistakes and stumble in front of everyone. And I love to see that because I'm like, it's going to, it's ugly. It's going to be. You're going to, you're going to stumble. You know what I mean? There's no, there's no way to still look super cool when you're having to publicly go through a phase of an awakening. There's no way to look. cool, you know, doing it. Like public puberty.

Yeah, exactly. Anti-racism, puberty. We're all in anti-racism puberty. That's a really good way of putting it. I mean, people respect honesty. They respect authenticity. If you were like, I don't know what I'm doing. I am learning it day by day. I respect that more than saying, like, you know,

I'm going to, you know, show up with a bunch of black people with me or, you know, just performing, girl, doing the most, you know. Yeah. I respect honest. What about on like a, like, is it insensitive if I post recipes still? Is it insensitive to do your job in a certain amount of ways as you would have before this movement happened? I would say I think it depends on how you've shown up for your audience and your relations. It's different for, I know everyone wants a blanket answer for that.

But every person has a different relationship with their own. audience. And if you are a company that has been totally white, only showcasing white things, only creating a space for white people, it's no way to hide from, you know, having to face that and maybe face it publicly. It just depends on different business. You know, everyone has a different answer. I've been asked this question a lot. And there definitely isn't a blanket answer. You know, there's not one way to show up for your audience members, who are people of color and still run your business. There's no one way to do it.

It kind of depends on the brand you've been building, too, you know. Are there questions that I could ask myself that would, like, help clarify that or that you would recommend a creative business owner ask themselves to help clarify that? I would first say, look, I mean, look at your audience, for one. Look at everything you've ever put out and just be honest about it. Look at everything that you've ever posted, every person, every guest you've ever had on. every stock image you've ever used. Just have a real honest look at your brand and ask yourself, has it been inclusive?

You know, and if not, why? That's where you have to start. Because I think people hurry to save face or hurry to try to perform without even being honest about what they've done. You know, has your business contributed to white supremacy, period? And that's a hard question to ask, but you've got to start with it, you know? You got to start with that. Like there, I have clients who are like, girl, I just changed all my stock images to black people. I just, I'm like, why?

What are you doing? You know what I mean? It's like the rush to try to perform. It's just a knee-jerk reaction. But honest look at what you've been doing as a brand, not just you, but I'm just saying business owners. An honest look at how you've been contributing to the problem has to come first. that's really the only kind of blanket answer that I can give to all business owners. You know what I mean?

Yeah, that's a really good advice. That's really good advice. Can we talk about business for a little bit? Yeah, just yeah. Go ahead. What do you think people get wrong? I think a lot of people, especially right now, a lot of people have lost their jobs, which is so, like the economy is shifting in a lot of ways.

And I think a lot of people are like, well, maybe I should start my own business. Maybe I should make that leap into being a creative entrepreneur. do you think everybody can do that successfully? Or do you think there's certain things you need to sort of like evaluate about yourself before you would make that leap to go out on your own and pursue that lifestyle? I think everyone should have multiple streams of income. I don't think everyone is an entrepreneur. Because if you think about it, who's going to work for the staff?

I mean, who's going to be staff if everyone's an entrepreneur? I think we have this culture of, you know, you have to be a business owner. And it's, it's a wrong assumption because I think people don't realize that not everyone's cut out for that. Not even, not everyone is best suited for that. But having multiple, you know, multiple streams of income, I think is for everyone. And so I think it's important to make that distinction is that you can, you know, become financially independent without, owning being a CEO of a company because it's a very unique role and some people were never meant to play it and they shouldn't feel bad about that.

When I asked you on Instagram recently how you were feeling in life generally, so many of you replied that you were stressed, which I definitely get there is a lot going on right now. I wanted to take the time to share a few of my favorite stress relieving supplements with you. I love Garden of Life's Whole Food magnesium chelate, which is non-GMO, vegan, gluten-free, organic, all the good stuff. It's great for keeping your gut healthy, which is an important part of managing stress. But magnesium also just melts away tension in the body. Seriously, try sipping a glass and you will notice a huge difference. The Garden of Life one comes in raspberry lemon and orange, and the orange tastes like a creamsicle, which is crazy and so delicious. Garden of Life also makes my favorite,

favorite probiotic, the mood plus one, which is the one that comes in a purple bottle. It's a great general probiotic. It's great for supporting your gut health, which again is so important for stress management. And it's also great for supporting your immune system. But it has specific strains selected to help with anxiety. In addition to Ashwaganda, which has a ton of studies to back up its stress relieving properties. I used to take it in the morning. But after interviewing the gut health MD for my Ask the Doctor Gut Health Edition episode, I actually take it right before bed now, which he says really helps all the bacteria do their best work. You can find Garden of Life products on Amazon or at your local Whole Foods, but the best way to support this podcast is to use my affiliate

links, which can be found at Liz Moody.com slash shop or in the description for this episode. I super appreciate it. It doesn't cost you anything extra. It just tells Garden of Life that you found them through my podcast. I know you are going to love the probiotic. I know you're going to love the magnesium and I cannot wait to hear what you think. Now, let's get back to the episode. Okay, so two questions. One, what might that look like to be, to have multiple streams of income, be the CEO of your own company? Well, your investments, for one, I have a friend who is a schoolteacher. She owns multiple homes. And, you know, she's that those are her forms of income. You can have, you know, whether it be investments, whether it be, you know, different ways of diversifying what

you do, whether it be passive streams of income. There's so many. Like there's, there's a lot of different ways that you can invest and get a return on it without you running a business day today. And then the second question, I hadn't asked it yet. Okay. Is are there questions that you could ask if you're wondering if you're the kind of person who could be a CEO, who could be the person running, is there a way to sort of identify certain qualities in yourself or to tell whether that's a good idea for you? Do you just have to try it? I would say, kind of people ask me this question, like, how do I know if I would be a good entrepreneur? And for one, I mean, there's, we could go into this pretty long.

But what I would say in general is become as self-aware as possible. What are your weaknesses? Because if you can't do anything unless someone is telling you to do it, become aware of that. If you have a problem because you still have a job as an entrepreneur. You have your business, your client. Those are your boss. You know what I mean? So you have to be very self-aware.

Like what is it that I, where do I, where do I? struggle, where do I thrive? And if you thrive off of, you know, having a group or, you know, coming up with ideas in a group, you may not want to start a business that requires you to sit at your desk all day long starting it. So there's a lot of things that you have to consider, but it starts with self-reflection. It starts with, you know, where do I really struggle? What do I love to do? You may find out that you love managing people. You love, you know, making things happen that way. But you don't have to be the person with the vision of what this. You might be the perfect executor. You might be the person to, you're the engineer or, you know, there's so many different

roles that it doesn't always have to be the person that's executing and has the vision. Do you get what I'm saying? Totally. I, well, I think it's also really interesting when you say, like, do you like sitting by a computer all day? Because I think that we also have this tendency in this social media world to picture what a job looks like without actually, I think there's value to getting real about what the day to day is, whether that's asking somebody who's doing that job what their day to day actually looks like. I wanted to be a novelist since I was like five years old and I still will write novels someday, but I wrote a number of failed ones and then ultimately had a mental breakdown that resulted of me like being too agoraphobic to leave my bed without panic attacks because I had idealized

the lifestyle of a novelist without realizing that I would be alone. in my thoughts all day without any human contact. And it wasn't, it's to this day, not a lifestyle that I could thrive in as much as I love writing and I love the idea of that job. And I think that there's really something to be said for B. Like, is that the actual day to day? Is that for me? Yes. I totally agree. That's why I always tell people to as early as possible, I have nieces who are, who are young. And I tell them, you know, get mentorship, do internships, really get an inside look at what it looks like to do what you think you want to do because it was the same with me with starting a magazine. I thought it's just so cool.

I'm making something for women, but I never met any. I never was around any. I was literally, you know, sitting at my desk and having really no human interaction unless it was my staff. So you really do have to find out whether it be from like shadowing or whatever it may be, what it really looks like, because you might be like, oh, no, heck, no, I'm not doing that because it made me nothing like what you thought, you know? So let's say you do decide to like make the leap and start your own business. Is there something that people, you would say most people get wrong about doing that at the beginning? Well, the most basic thing is I think people automatically just say, okay, I need a logo and I need a great website. And then I'm going to start like they,

they just kind of skim the surface without understanding if their personal brand, they don't start with the most important things that will create a brand, which is their voice and their messaging and their mission and things like that. They just go straight to the colors, girl, give me a cute, give me the cute look. Let me get moving so I can get this Instagram right. Right. You get this Instagram going. It's like, I think people forget that the foundations of building a brand is what's going to sustain you and understanding what is the point. What is the purpose before, you know, jumping into something that you're going to put most of your life into when it starts. Yeah. Right? It takes a little bit more. And I didn't realize this until much later in life.

You know, there are people who still don't get it and they start businesses and they feel lost because they're like, well, what am I even doing? Starting off with what you're doing it for. You know, what is the purpose and what is the mission behind it and those types of things. So having a real deep exploration of what you're doing there. For sure. So in both business and I feel like in personal lives to you, really, you're one of your core things that you help people do is make mindset shifts. And I'm curious what you've seen in your work are the most common mindsets that hold people back and the reasons that it's hard for people to change. And I would love to talk about this as it applies to like business, but also relationships and even stuff like the anti-racism work that's happening right now because I think

that limited mindsets and beliefs touch every facet of our lives. Absolutely. It's your idea of who you are. It's your, this identity, this me that you've identified with. We stick to it. I mean, we stay with it. Whatever we think that concept is, we don't deviate from it. And so when you're facing the challenge, sometimes we, you know, we just say, well, I'm just not good at this. Or, you know, and maybe that's the case.

But I'm just saying in the beginning we're like, this, you know, I don't do that. this isn't for me without understanding, well, what, what do you mean? You know, what do you mean by is it for you? It's, what is that? You know, what are you holding yourself back by thinking, I'm only able to do these things? This is what is expected of me. Or this is what my family thinks I should be doing. Or this is what I've always done. That's a trap that we fall into all the time is, well, this is what I'm known for. And this is what I always do. And this is how things work. And not being open to exploring how those things became so cemented. You know what I mean?

So to answer your question, one of the most common things I see with business owners who are struggling at any point is they aren't growing because they aren't true. Maybe they don't realize this is what it is, but they can't envision themselves as the person they need to be to get to the level they're trying to get to in their business. And do you think that's true for relationships as well? I do. I think we, a lot of things get cemented. You know what I mean? A lot of things get like if you're like, I was never good with, you know, I hear people make these statements about themselves sometimes and I'm always like, because we hold on to them and they manifest. We perpetuate them out in the world. I always meet the jerks. You know what I mean? I'm always, I already know that he's going to cheat because they all do. Like that's a belief and it's really powerful to have these beliefs. cemented in what you, you know, believe that it's bad, you got to, you got to tackle that because you'll never get past it. What are you going to do when you meet the love of your life?

So how do you tackle it? Like on the most pragmatic, like if I woke up today and I wanted to tackle that limited belief for 10 minutes today, what should I do? Examine it. Write it down and listen to yourself, say it. What do I, like, if we're, if this, if you're talking about guys, for example, what do I believe about men? What do I believe about finding love? What do I believe about what is possible for me? What do I? Just really start, just unpack your bags.

You know what I mean? Sit down and just don't try to fix it first. Just see it. Take a look at it. Put it on the table and really start there. Because the instinct to fix something without understanding it is a problem in so many different areas, which, you know, we've been talking about this whole time. It's like you can't do anything about something you want to change without seeing it for what it is now and accepting it without judgment. Writing it out is the first step to me.

You know, for me, some people, it's talking it out. But for me, it's writing it out. And seeing it first before trying to change it. And what do you think is the line between a huge part of my anxiety journey for instance has been? and me telling people about my anxiety and being open with it instead of trying to hide it and sort of embracing it as part of myself. But it's something I also really worry about, especially as I've become more of a public figure and become somebody people go to for anxiety advice and stuff like that is locking myself into an identity of myself as an anxious person or a person

with anxiety. So what do you think is the difference between embracing an identity for yourself is a way to love all the parts of yourself and then also limiting yourself by locking yourself into that identity. Does that make sense? Yeah. I think it's being very clear on, for one, how you say it. Like instead of being, you know, saying I am something rather than I feel or, you know, I experience. I tell people be very careful with what you put after the am. just because you, you know, feel something or experience something or had something happen to you, it doesn't create who you are as a whole. So just starting to create that separation between who you are and what you've experienced.

And so it makes a little bit, it's easier to navigate, right? It's easier to navigate when you don't attach it to your identity. So it's just, it's a part of your story. It's a part of, you know, who you are. It's a part of what you've been through, but it's not you. You get what I'm saying? Yeah, I love that. Yeah.

I'm like letting that sink in. Let us sit. Let us sit. Yeah. All right. I have a few questions that I ask everybody, but before I get into those, I just want to talk about sex for a second. Because I found an interview with you. Yeah.

Yeah. And you just sounded like a sex goddess for lack of a better way. You just sounded so like empowered sexually. and confident sexually. And you had a quote in the interview that said, freedom and sexuality translates into creativity flowing more freely and gives us the ability to express ourselves more authentically. So I'd just love to hear briefly about how you became the sexually empowered person that you are

and how other people could do that and how that's just sort of impacted your life. I think it's the same with any kind of like shame that we feel or like inability to express ourselves in any area. I feel like being, I guess, you know, sexually liberated comes from letting go of, like we talked about letting go of the shoulds, what I should do a lot of times. And trust me, like, I definitely have learning to do in this area. But what I have learned is that any area of my life where there's blockages to where I can't fully express myself, it spills over into the other ones. So the day that I accept the fact that I can't say, hey, I want this translates into me not being able to say what I want from a partnership or, you know, or a business deal. Like for me, it's all expression. And so

I can't be blocked up in one place and think everyone where else is free flowing. And this may be different for other people, but for me, I need to be able to to fully express myself in order to be at the highest version of myself. So sex is no doubt. different. If I work on releasing any shame or any, you know, societal type, you know, pressures and like, this is what I should be doing. Not only does the sex life suck, but where else can you fully express yourself if it's not with your partner or your, you know what I mean? It's like if I'm going to, if I'm going to let the standard be that I can be blocked there and not try to work on it, then where else am I allowing that to happen? So that's just how I feel.

And I'm still learning a lot about it. Like I think as a whole, people have to not be afraid to say I'm still learning. Do you feel confident in your body? Yes, I do. Was that a process? Because I do think that a lot of people who, especially women who have limiting situations around sex, it's because they don't love their body wholly enough to inhabit it in this very full way that you need to to have great sex. I do.

And it's touchy. There's so many different issues around body. image and that I mean it we could really go deep into it but for me personally I lost a lot of confidence when I gained a lot of weight because I've always you know looked at myself as someone who was really in shape and it forced me to examine how much of my identity was attached to my physical appearance and like what I looked it forced me to I didn't deal with it before you know I don't have children I've never had any real body changes until I gained like 20 pounds and it was quick.

And then it was just going up and up and up. And it was like, I'm like, what am I doing? You know, what is happening to me right now? And of course, it was a result of me not taking care of myself, not paying attention to what I was putting in my body, which is goes way back to being a kid. And it was just his fault. Well, I was eating it. I'll say that. But the thing is, it ended up being one of the most important parts of my journey as far as understanding what.

parts of my own, like I said, I'm still learning. What parts of my identity have I attached to things that if that thing crumbles, then my sense of myself crumbles. And I would have never thought of that or even experienced that had I not gone through it. And I know there's so many, I mean, this is just my own personal, you know, journey that I went through. I think when it, when it comes to gaining that back, it was me taking the journey of trying to figure out what makes me value myself outside of how my body looks. What makes me want, because I'm one of those people I've always, I'm a trauma survivor, so I've always detached from my own body.

Like, I didn't, when I'm like, yoga, what is that a bunch of stretching? What are y'all doing? Like, I didn't have a connection to my own body. And I know that's probably weird for some people to understand if they never experienced it, but I just felt like this is a thing that I have and I didn't feel like a, I never knew when I had a cramp, kind of. I would just discover it one day. I didn't have a real connection to my own.

you know, physical body. So I had to do the work to start trying to get in touch with it and also get in touch with how I see it, how I feel about it. And we all are doing personal work, doing work in different areas. And this was one for me that I had to do. It was just kind of reintroduce myself to the body in the meat suit. That's what my dad calls it. I had to get reintroduced and to gain a real appreciation. So it's been a journey for sure. Are there some things that you've figured out that you value about yourself that aren't connected to your body that you could share? Well, I think I'm still definitely working on this part of the journey and trying to detach my value from what is perceived versus what I believe about myself. But the one thing that I stand firmly on as far as part of my value is that I deeply, deeply care about because,

whoever and whatever you want to be within myself and within others, being able to just celebrate the fact that we can design this shit. Like, you know, like this is, that make, I'm very passionate about that and I feel within my, my, my, the way that I think, if I can give that to more people or share that with more people, I'm really passionate about it because I've always kind of been that person to say, what do you really want to do? What do you really want to be? And I've empowered, you know, people who've known me throughout my life to be more fully expressed. And it wasn't until I realized that I do it for myself that I really started to value. You know what I mean? So that's

how I look at it. It's just, yeah, I love that. Value of, you know, creating yourself. I love that. Okay. A few fun, there's their quickfire, but like I feel like nothing with me is truly quickfire. So these are our fun quickfire questions. What do you think is the best way to spend 20 minutes every day in terms of being healthier or happier? Definitely some time of movement. I like to dance. What kind of dance? Hip hop dance. I always try to find like my favorite YouTubers and stuff like that. And I just try to, I mean, I'm not as good as them. Oh God. But the movement. But you like learn routines. Yes. Girl, come on. Like you have to. You know, you got to what, The three fours and the, okay, no, let me stop front.

I'm serious. I do love YouTube and hip hop dance classes and things like that. But just for like a 20 minute, I'll just, we'll crank up, me and Jesse will crank up some music and like literally come up with our own routine. Oh my God. That's so cute. Yeah. That's like the guy never heard. Yeah, we'll do routines and stuff.

Because he's a performer, he's like serious about making sure he has really good like, you know, coordination and like he has to get like rusty. so he takes it seriously. But that's one thing is dancing. And then I would say just kind of taking time to yourself with like no phone. And just even if you only have 20 minutes, just like do whatever you can to, I don't care if you have to hide in whatever it is. Just find a second to just kind of check in with yourself for a minute. What's something that you've purchased recently that's made your life healthier or happier?

Actually, believe it or not, I purchased like a very high-powered. mug warmer so that I can continue. I'm not kidding. I'm able to drink tea without getting up because I'm doing this all day. This is what I do all day. Right. And if my tea is cold, I start feeling trapped because I can't get up and I can't. I'm talking and like that's so interesting. Yes, girl. So I got a like, it gets really hot and it's just made my life better. I can go anywhere. I'm like, girl, bring me my warmer. We can talk it out. We're. So it's small, but it's really made a difference in my life every day. What's the brand?

I don't know this brand. I can text it to you or I'll send it to you. I don't know the brand. Okay. But I'll share it in the intro because I'm a huge tea fan and I think I've cultivated a community of huge tea fans. So I feel like everybody's going to want to know what it is. Yes, I will give it to you. At first I got one from Amazon and it would just keep it room temperature.

And I was like, get this bull out of here. And then I got and then I got this. new one, and I'm like, girl, you can ball something on this thing. Like, it's really, really something. So, yeah, I'm going to give it to you. I just got it like a week ago. And it's just been game changing. Amazing. All right. Have you ever been somewhere in the world where you're like, the people here really got it right in terms of living a good life, like a healthy, happy life? I don't know. Actually, no. I don't. I'm able to see the good and, the good and the bad wherever I go. I know in Tulum, I felt like I could wake up here and just walk and go get coffee across the street.

Like, you know, and it felt very like, I just loved how I felt. But I don't think there's a place where I'm like, this is, this place is just like they do it all right here. Like, because being black, like, you know, you when you go somewhere, you're always aware of, you know, how they interact with people of color and how. So I've never been somewhere where I felt like they got it right because I haven't been anywhere where I feel like they have yet. So that's in my experience. Do you feel successful and why or why not? I feel successful on a day-to-day basis because I haven't stopped. I haven't stopped going. I haven't stopped trying. And I may not have gotten to the goals that I want to get to yet. But I've been moving with integrity without a gap in that. And I'm proud of that. And I wake up still excited to go, still excited to do what I want to do. So I do feel very successful. I know my family's like, okay, girl, when is this going to happen? You know, but for me personally, I do. I feel good about when

I wake up in the morning, I feel good about what I'm doing. And that's my personal definition of it. I love that. All right. Last one. What is one big mistake that you've made, maybe one that you've learned from the most? And then what's one thing you really got right? Ooh. Okay. So, oh, man, one thing I've really got just in life, right? Not like with anything in the world. Woo. Okay. Man. So many things I've gotten wrong. Okay. You know what? I'll say I used to be like a detective when I was dating. I would. go like all up in their phone, all up in their emails. And this is just, this is just real life, right? And I thought like, well, if you won't have nothing to hide, then I can do it. And then I pride myself on being like, ask I really, she's a detective. She'll find it, you know? And I didn't know or realize back back when I was that person that I was, I was doing it all wrong. I was doing everything

all wrong at that point. And then one thing I really got right is, wait, wait, what was wrong about that? Like for somebody who's listening and they're like, yeah, and they're like, oh, that is being a detective's cool. If they have something to hide, I should know about it, blah, blah, blah. Like, if they have that thought process, what was all wrong about that? Like, love is respecting the other person's boundaries in space. And I didn't believe that at the moment. And then also just really focusing on what the motivation behind it is and what makes you want to do that rather than the act itself. So yeah, girl, I had to reframe all that for myself.

But for real, like, there's a reason behind every action. There's a reason why we feel motivated to do certain things. And sometimes it's a result of things that happened really long ago. Like, there's so much that could be causing it. But paying more attention to why you feel the need to do it is the most important. And then also, if you truly do care about a person, knowing that they have boundaries that are meant to be respected and cultivated by, you. you and everybody else. You know what I mean?

So it was bad. It's usually bad every time. All right. And one thing you really got right? One thing I got right was allowing myself to be in a relationship and openly grow instead of acting like I was always right or had it together at all times. Just learning how to be very vulnerable and surrendering to the idea that I'm not always correct. You know, it's not always like, well, this is what I know and this is how it is. That's been a

big hurdle for me in life. And I feel like I finally did get it right, the ability to do that. I love that. Well, there was so much wisdom in this episode. And I so appreciate you taking the time to share all of your thoughts. I definitely, as you probably saw from my facial expressions, had a lot of food for thought here. So thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us. Thank you for having me. this was so fun. This is like the most fun conversation I've had in a while. And I think that I definitely will talk to you more after this because this was a lot of fun. Yeah, I'll just say publicly after what you said is I want to be your friend. I think you're so cool. And I just really enjoyed talking to you. Let's do it, girl. Let's do it. I'm down. I hope that you

loved this episode with I really. I hope that you learned as much from her as I did. I really like just sat there after interviewing her and I was like, oh my gosh, I have so much to think about. Please screenshot the episode and tag both of us with your thoughts. We would love to continue the conversation. I'm at Liz Moody. She's at Ivory, at I-V-I-R-E-I. And then if you love this episode, I would love if you would rate or review it on iTunes. We are so close to a thousand reviews, which is crazy.

And I appreciate and read every single one. All right. Thank you guys so much for listening. I'll see you on the next episode. I very rarely get genuinely excited about skincare, but this is one of the most innovative products that I have come across in years, and I'm so obsessed with it. I've been telling all of my friends to get it, so now I need to tell you guys. Here's some science first. Your skin isn't just getting older.

It's being actively broken down by something called senescent cells. These are cells that have stopped functioning but refuse to die. They sit there, releasing inflammatory signals, breaking down your collagen, degrading your skin barrier, and accelerating every visible sign. of aging. Scientists call them zombie cells and as they accumulate, they are one of the primary drivers of how old your skin looks and feels. The team at one skin, a group of female longevity researchers and PhDs, spent five years testing over 900 peptides to figure out how to help reduce the accumulation of senescent cells. And they finally landed on it. OSO1, the first peptide scientifically studied to reduce skin's biological age at the molecular

level. OSO-1 goes in and it clears out the senescent cells so it helps skin function like healthier, younger looking skin. It is not masking the signs of aging. It's not targeting one thing. It is actually rolling the clock back at a cellular level. I've been using the face moisturizer for almost six months now and I love it so much. It feels amazing. It goes on really smoothly. It's not tacky at all. And I actually see a difference, which I just feel like is never the case with skincare. You want to always like see a real. difference and you're kind of like, do I? Do I? And this I genuinely do. Because it's clearing the senescent cells, it doesn't just target one thing. So my skin looks firmer. It looks glowier. The texture feels

dramatically smoother. And I feel like you can see that too. I also love the body moisturizer. It dries down really quickly, which is always a pet peeve of mine with moisturizers. I hate that like sticky feeling when you go to put your clothes on. This does not do that. But it does moisturize really, really well. And then again, I'm reducing my skin's biological age. I am not making it just look younger. I am making it actually younger. One Skin has four peer-reviewed clinical studies in over 10,000 five-star reviews. The data backs everything up for a limited time. Get 15% off with code Liz at one skin.co slash Liz. Again, that's 15% off at oneskin.co with code Liz. When it comes to wellness, you're going to get the best results by focusing on the big needle movers.

A lot of us spend a lot of time trying to optimize that last 1%, which creates a ton of stress and it actually doesn't help our health that much. At the top of the needle mover list, sleep. And one of the best ways to optimize your sleep is to optimize your mattress, which is why I love avocado green mattress so much. First of all, this mattress is so comfortable. I have the one with the pillow top, which is medium firm, and it's just a dream. I miss it when I travel.

it's better than even the fanciest hotel beds. Having a mattress that supports your joints and your body and feels good is going to help you get more sleep and better quality sleep. But then, on top of that, avocado mattresses are made with certified organic cotton, wool, and latex, and they are made safe and green guard gold certified. They're also Okotech certified, which is the gold standard. I look for it in any mattresses, sheets, or towels that I buy,

which means the materials have been rigorously tested for harmful substances. You can actually look for the Okotex certified. standard 100 label right on the product, and I love this part. It includes a traceable certificate number and the name of the testing lab so you know exactly what you're getting. There are no toxic chemicals. There's no harmful off gassing. It does not smell like it's going to kill you when you unbox it. This is what I mean. I'm not going to swap out all of my clothing, which is that top 1% of optimization. But by making sure that my mattress and my bedding are as good for me as possible, I literally reduce my exposure during a third of my life, which is a huge needle mover for a one-time

swap. I will also note, and this is a me thing, but I sleep super hot and avocado's materials are really breathable and it makes me sweat the least of any mattress that I have slept on. And avocado is a certified B Corp and a 1% for the planet member because caring for yourself and caring for the planet do not have to be separate things. You can get up to 20% off organic mattresses and more by shopping Avivaccom. Avocado's President's Day Sale right now at avocadogreenmatress.com. That is avocadogreenmatress.com. No code needed.