The Liz Moody Podcast - Mik Zazon—Finding ACTUAL Body Acceptance, Surviving PTSD & An Abusive Relationship, And Her Accutane & Acne Journey

Episode Date: November 12, 2020

On today’s episode, I was lucky enough to chat with Mik Zazon. Mik is a writer, speaker, and creator. She’s the founder of the #normalizenormalbodies movement, and I’m just one of her hundreds of thousands of fans on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok. On this episode we talk about:  what hitting “rock bottom” looked like, and how it inspired her to completely change her content on social media her abusive relationship and how she found the strength to leave how she redefined what “healthy” looks and feels like after having orthorexia how therapy changed her and why specifically she thinks it’s worth the money how she learned to actually love her body, even as she gained weight how she deals with moments she feels LESS confident in her body her 8 concussions, and how they impacted her health and life the one thing she’s frustrated/insecure about as a content creator the relationship that caused PTSD, and how she finally got the strength to leave it—and get through the mental trauma it caused how she got through a huge identity crisis and the advice she’d have for other people having a hard time of letting go of an old identity her acne and accutane journey why she hates the messaging around “loving your body” and what she would tell people to do instead her autoimmune disease and how she’s fought for her diagnosis how she deals with the “why me?” feeling around her trauma and illnesses her best advice for someone who feels like they need to be in a small body to be considered worthy her experience with having bell’s palsy and COVID-19 I can’t wait to hear your feedback on this episode! Screenshot and tag me—I’m @lizmoody— and Mik (@mikzazon) and share your thoughts, feelings, and reactions. PS: My foodie preset pack is officially live. You can get all 8 presets, designed to make your food pics look as good as they taste, at lizmoody.com/presets.  PPS: Healthier Together is officially a number one best-seller! You can get your copy on Amazon or at lizmoody.com/cookbook. Please keep sending me your creations on Instagram—they make me so happy! This episode is sponsored by Lavva’s brand new Plant Based Milk. It’s some of my favorite plant milk I’ve ever tried—it’s super rich and creamy and made with pili nuts, which are a complete protein. Go to lovvelavva.com to find a retailer near you! This episode is sponsored by Kyoto Botanicals, the first CBD brand I’ve recommended on this podcast! Right now, I’m loving their Warmth tincture, which has turmeric and cinnamon, and the Warmth balm, which is so helpful for headaches and sore muscles. You can get a whopping 25% off your order (AND they always have free shipping!) by using the code “HEALTHIERTOGETHER” at kyotobotanicals.com. Healthier Together cover art by Zack. Healthier Together music by Alex Ruimy.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, friends, and welcome back to the Healthier Together podcast. I'm your host, Liz Moody, and I'm a cookbook author and long-time journalist. And I am so excited to introduce you to my guest today, the amazing and inspiring Mick Zazon. Mick is a writer, a speaker, and a creator. She's the founder of the normalized normal bodies movement, and I am just one of her hundreds of thousands of fans on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok. What I love most about Mick is that she is so authentic and so unconstantyed. and so unapologetically herself. She's created a space where women can feel proud to show up as their whole selves every day,

with razor burn or acne or back fat or insecurities. She oozes confidence, but she's also real about the days that she's feeling less than cheery. And every time I read one of her posts, I feel better about being me. On this episode, we get super real, super quick. We talk about her journey as a creator, including her advice for anyone looking to find success in social media. We also talk about how she developed her incredible confidence, and she gave me advice for dealing with bad confidence days that I still think about all the time. She shares the story of her PTSD and her abusive relationship, her experience with having

COVID-19 and Bell's palsy, and how she's navigated anxiety and depression over the years. We also get into her skin story. She started acutine recently, so we talk about how she came to that decision and how that impacted her. If you're looking to feel better in your own skinner body to be inspired in your business or to take a proactive stance in dealing with mental health issues, I think this episode will help a ton. I cannot wait to hear your thought.

So please, please, screenshot and tag me. I'm at Liz Moody and Mick. She's at Mick Zayzon. We would love to continue the conversation. And if there's anyone in your life who you feel like could benefit from Mick's wisdom and incredible sense of self-worth, I would so appreciate you sending them. a link to this episode. I love the idea that we're creating a whole community, a whole world of people who take care of themselves and believe that they're worth that. All right, enjoy this

week's episode with Mick Zezon. All right, Mick, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast. Thank you. I'm so excited. Let's start off. I'd love to know how you got started as a creator, how you started sort of posting on Instagram, posting on TikTok, where that whole journey began for you. So it was around three years ago, or was it like almost four years ago now? Who knows? Time flies and kind of blurry. But I had moved to Arizona and I just got back from a from living in India for six months.

And I had previously, like, I think I was about four years into eating disorders. I was still struggling with them. And I was running away from my problems. And weight loss was very, very prevalent within social media because that's when, you know, bodybuilding and fitness Instagram really blew up. And so it was, I was all consumed within this, you know, thing on social media. Yeah, and I was like, I want to be that. And I'm an all or nothing person.

So if I like want something, like I will do anything and everything to get there and forget about everything else. It's something that is not too healthy and something that I'm working on. But so I moved to Arizona and I started hiring fitness coaches and I started sharing my journey on social media, sharing weight loss transformations and how to diet, what macros were, and what, you know, how to track your calories, which is like I was the antithesis of what I am now. And I started to gain some traction within Instagram. I started a YouTube. And, you know, I looked like I was happy on the outside, but I was, I was really struggling.

emotionally, mentally from a passive abusive relationship and, you know, mental illnesses and eating disorders and everything kind of just like coming to fruition. And about a year and a half later, I hit rock bottom and I decided to share my recovery journey instead of like backing down. I was, I had two options. I was like, I either just like delete my social media app or I can share everything. And like I said, I'm an all or nothing person. And I had some mending to do within you know, my platform because a lot, I tend to still forget how many eyes are on me. And I, I needed to show them that I think I had like 80,000 followers at the time. I needed to show them that what I was doing and what I was teaching them to do was unhealthy. And like it is, it's

not what life's about. And so I started to share my recovery journey. I started to share that I was going to dietitians and that specialized in eating disorders. And I was going to a therapist that did EMDR therapy to help me deal with PTSD. And I started seeing a psychiatrist and getting on medications. And I started showing the real parts that no one really shares. And it was like the most amazing experience because I own the rose retreats. It's a women empowerment retreat and event company that is global. And the women that show up, I would say like one fourth of the women that have shown up to the retreats and events have followed me from the very beginning. And it's like the best feeling in the world knowing that like I showed them that that wasn't the way. And

And, you know, it's been two and a half years since I chose recovery. And I've continued to share my journey and not focus on, you know, like my recovery in general, but show life after recovery. And I've been taking my friends, my online friends with me through it all, through TikTok now, through Instagram, YouTube. Yeah, so I guess that's how it started. Okay, I have so many questions. First of all, you said that you hit rock bottom at a certain point,

and that sort of inspired you to change your content. And can you walk me through a little bit what that looked like? Because I feel like it happens to creators and non-creators, you're sort of getting rewarded for looking a certain way, for showing up in the world a certain way. And you're like, oh, this is good. And it's hard for people to realize when it becomes not good. and it becomes damaging.

And you had that, you know, exponentially more because the internet was literally rewarding you for having an unhealthy lifestyle. Yeah. And, you know, that was only like a fraction of it. I think social media is a byproduct. And like social media is what you, what you share. And when you're in a bad place, you want to put on a front for people. because you want people to think that you're happy and live this amazing life.

And I think what made me hit rock bottom was, like, I had gone through a four-year abusive relationship and that really, it started at 17 years old and ended when I was 21. And so these, like, very transformative years of my life are what I, you know, what most teens experience is like going to football games on Friday night and, you know, hanging out with friends. And I was, you know, abused every single day of my high school career pretty much and through my sophomore year of college. And, you know, that was a big part of me hitting rock bottom, even though I was out

of that relationship because I hadn't gotten help. And I was still dealing with, I had orthorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder, all a different point, but never a point where I wasn't without an eating disorder. And obviously like body dysmorphia and all of the things that women go through. So me trying to put on a front was, it was so exhausting. And on top of that, I was also dealing with depression, anxiety, ADHD. And, you know, I just found out that I was, that I have autism. So add that onto the list. And, you know, post-concussive syndrome.

Like, I had so many untreated things that I was running away from. And I was trying so hard to let my, to try to convince myself that I was okay. by showing everybody else that I was okay. And, you know, it just happened to have been in front of 80,000 people. Because like I said, I'm an all or nothing person. And so I remember I had just gone to this influencer trip with my best friend. And, you know, I was taking illegal steroids at the time. and it was, it was like one of the worst experiences of my life.

We were in Thailand and this is a place where you're supposed to just enjoy every single second, take, like, soak everything in. And I was like hiding these illegal steroids, trying to lose weight and trying to be something that I wasn't. And, and it was like, that led me to hit rock bottom. And also I had Photoshopped my photos because I was in a culture where I was supposed to be something. or what I thought I was supposed to be something. And I, it just all fell through. Like I could not function anymore. I stayed in bed for a month.

I'm not kidding about that. I ordered my groceries in. I ordered postmates. I had boxes of takeout food around my bed while I slept. The only time I got up was to get something to drink, go to the bathroom, or, you know, get the food that I ordered. And I called my sister and I said, I, like, I legitimately cannot live like this anymore. Like, I, it's either I'm, I'm, I'm, you need to come here, even though you live all the way

across the country or like, I genuinely don't know what is going to happen because I, like, I'm questioning my own life right now. I don't know what's going to happen if I, if I, if I don't get help. right now. And that's when my family flew in and I took a step back and I focused on what was, you know, the point in life, relationships living authentically. So, um, although that was a long, drawn out answer, you know, um, it's, it's more than just hitting burnout on social media. I feel like social media is just like a side effect, you know? Yeah, I'm almost just, I was almost curious for the people, I think a lot, I mean,

you've talked about orthorexia on your page, but I think a lot of people don't know when it tips over. You know, I have a lot of conversations with people in my DMs who are like, how do you figure out, like, I was reading all the ingredient labels on this and I couldn't figure out a good one to eat. And I'm like, and they're like, what do you do? And I'm like, I don't know. I just eat it.

it's, it's, you know, something that I'm craving. So I just eat it. And I feel like I'm constantly having those conversations of like, not everything needs to be 100% by the books perfectly healthy. Not everything needs to fit this certain mold of what we call healthy. And I think that the fact that you were able to realize that for yourself, I'm almost curious how you were able to redefine what healthy felt like and what healthy looked like.

from that place? I wouldn't be where I am without professional help. Like I, I, my dietitian, her and I still have an amazing relationship. And I still text her to this day if I'm feeling weird. And I'm, I feel like I may take it out on food. And I think it's really scary reaching out to professional help. But and on top of that, you see a lot, a lot of people online. try to like tell you to live free from worries about food and live confident in your body.

But, you know, it's, I'm a firm believer that you can't, like, coaches are great, but you need to see professional help first. Like, I don't care where you are and you just need to see professional help because it will slowly consume your life if you don't have direction from a qualified professional. So my dietician led me through everything. She went grocery shopping with me. She allowed me to realize that, like, I craved food from my childhood. And, like, she taught me how to love exercise again by, by guiding me through it and not

telling me what to do, but asking me questions, like, what do you want to do? What is kind to your body? And I carry those long and emotional sessions with my dietitians with me every single day because those are the moment that really made a difference in my recovery. So do you think that finding one person you trust is superior to kind of, you know, reading the articles and consuming, I think a lot of people feel overwhelmed by the information about what's healthy? So it sounds like you've circumvented that by just finding one person you trust, and then their opinion is sort of the opinion that counts to you. Yeah. You know, but again, it's not easy. Like, I was lucky, I was lucky enough to only see one dietitian, and that's not the case for everybody.

I, you know, had experience with hating so many therapists before, so I get the frustration when you see somebody and they just don't get it. it. And I just broke up with my therapist. Yep. Same. It's such, it's so like, and it's so awkward too. You like kind of don't know what to say. But I do think that's important too is like if it's not helping you after a certain point, it's important to break up and try again. But it's such an annoying thing to do. It's so annoying because you're like, I literally just told them my whole entire life. And I have to tell someone else my whole entire life. Like what? Really? Yeah. So yeah. So yeah. It's really emotionally exhausting, but having been through that whole process, I can tell you that it is worth it all the way.

And there are good professionals out there. And what's good about things like social media and coaches is that, you know, if you follow the right people and unfollow everybody else, that makes you feel like crap, they will lead you to like have a sense of criteria for how you want to receive help. Do you need like immediate help? Okay, cool. Do you need something that you can do like more than immediate? Okay, cool. Unfollow everybody, you know, like delete social media.

Just focus on you, focus on listening to your body, let your body tell you what it needs. And then reach out to a family. Like there's social media is great for that. But social media or, you know, finding a coach should lead you to finding a professional. And I've had like I've had a professional help from a dietitian and therapist and have a coach. So it's like, it's having support around you, you know. Yeah, totally. Is there something you would say to somebody who has a hard time justify in spending that kind of money?

on themselves? Yeah. First of all, I screw our health care system. It's really disheartening. And, you know, hopefully that will change. And I have a therapy resource, an affordable therapy resource highlight on my Instagram with like better help. You can do like monthly installment.

And they're on, what is it, psychology today, you can, if you have insurance and even if you don't have insurance, you can like plug in your budget and what insurance you have. And, you know, are you a part of the LGBTQ community? Do you want a male or female? Like, you can basically narrow down what kind of therapist or dietitian that you want through these sites. And I think, you know, a lot of people need to know that that's an option because the word therapy and finding a dietitian, even me, like all I see is dollar signs because it is a lot of money if you want a good one or if you, but there are options. Yeah. I'm also curious. I'm really big on demystified therapy. All of my parents are therapists like my stepmom, my dad, my mom, and then my mom has been married to various.

people in mental health and then both of my husband's parents are therapists as well. So we come from a lot of it. But I'm curious, I'm always curious when people are like, oh, therapy transformed my life. What do they mean by that? Like, can you pinpoint what you actually got out of going to therapy? Yeah. I was talking to somebody the other day. And I was like, you know, therapy has saved my life.

but I don't live every day free of my mental illnesses. Like, that's not the point of therapy. The point of therapy is so that these people that you go see, you have a safe space where your information cannot get out of that room that you're in with this person. They are there to understand you, not really give you any answers, but to help guide you in a thought process in order to find your own answers. and have you be able to speak out loud your traumas, your emotions, and that's really special. So gaining the tools in order to navigate your life, it's like being happy with a living

with a mental illness and managing your mental illness, that makes sense. And there's always going to be good days and there's always going to be bad days. So I guess that's what I would say. Yeah, I love that. Okay, let's go back to your creator journey for a second. Once you sort of, you know, opened up to your audience about what you were going through, do you remember when you started embracing your sort of normalized normal bodies movement, embracing your real body that you weren't fighting against photographically on Instagram? Yeah, it was about a month and a half into recovery. I moved back home to Ohio. I started living. with my parents and I was gaining like a lot of weight and the craziest part about it was it was like such a euphoric moment. It was like everything that I didn't know existed was just in, like I was holding it in my arms and it was my body and I loved every inch, every part of my body and it was such a

different and euphoric experience. And it's something that I will never, ever, ever forget. Sometimes I miss it. Interesting. So do you not feel euphoric about your body now? Is it because it's become normal to you? I think when it's like with any love story and how I see it. I don't know if this is anybody else's journey, but I'm speaking from my own.

having that it was it was almost having that honeymoon phase with my body and getting to know it and getting to learn about it in a way that I hadn't chosen to learn about it before and I think that's what I miss so I right now in my own body I I love it so much and it's I guess it again like with any love story or any relationship, you have to work on it because the more you get into your recovery journey, like, I guess the more you start experiencing new, new things, whether it be good or bad. Does that make sense? It does make sense. I want to break it down a little bit more because I think the thing, the body love, body neutrality, all of that kind of stuff fascinates me. because I feel like I sometimes I really get it and I feel like this is my body.

Mostly I feel like it's not the most interesting thing about me that I'd rather be known for my brain or my humor or my kindness or anything like that. But then I have these moments where I go out with friends who have bodies that are more media, you know, promoted. It's sort of like more like the perfect body that we see on TV or I'll see. myself in a photo and I'll be like, oh my God, I thought I looked so much cuter than what I'm seeing in this photo. And I'm, I'm curious if you still have these types of moments and what you do in them. Okay. So then what do you do in them? Help me. Yeah. I, I have, I call it a toolbox and mostly my toolbox is calling my family members or my best friends or go to therapy because our jobs is social media and it's so exhausting because even though my message is,

you know, I am more than my body and I know that. Like I know it. It's in my brain. but I still have moments where I'm like, I know that, but I don't believe it. And so it's, I personally, I love to go outside, stay away from mirrors. I say, like, I honor however I'm feeling and ask myself, what is the kind of things that I can do for myself in this moment? Because typically when those, for me, typically when emotions like that come up, it's from another problem I'm having. having in my life and I'm trying to control something that I, that like I maybe can't control.

And I'm in my inherent thought process is to take it out on myself. That makes sense. This is like a weird question. But how do you balance, like being like I'm more than my body. My body isn't the most important thing about me. And then the fact that a huge message you can give to women on social media is posting about your body and accepting. your body. This is probably the most like relevant to me. I don't know how relevant it is to anybody

listening, but I want to like tell people, don't think about your body. Your body's like a tool for you to live this amazing life more than anything. But then I also find that when I show my real body, which it's a normal body, as you say, it's not, I'm not plus size. I'm not, you know, what you normally see in the media. I'm just a normal body. And women respond to that and feel comfortable in their bodies as such. But I have a hard time striking that balance. And it feels like you do it beautifully? I don't do it beautifully. It's a struggle, to be honest. I, it's because, and then I'm like, am I contradicting myself that I'm posting my body and like putting value in my body by posting about it? And, and, you know, a lot of these thoughts go through my head. I'm like, well, now if I'm only

valuing my body, even though I'm saying not to like only value my body, it's like this constant like war with myself and I don't know the answer. I don't. And I guess I truly just take it day by day because it is a battle I deal with frequently. I wouldn't say it happens like every moment of the day. But it is kind of weird, I would say, because, you know, it is weird. It's just weird. It's tricky because you know like at least for me I'm like I can sense this content resonates with people and it's helping people but I also don't know if the message should literally be like here's my tummy but I'm not going to talk about it because it literally isn't relevant to anything in my life you know. Yeah and I think I've I've gotten more I've gotten better at showing my life. without pointing out my flaws, if that makes sense. Like, I've gotten better at, you know, if, if there happens to be a role in a photo, like,

I don't have to talk about it, even though, you know, having cellulite and all of those, and all of those things are a huge part of what I talk about. So I guess that is what I do and what I have been doing. It's been helping a little bit. You mentioned earlier that you'd had these concussions and post-concussive syndrome on sort of the laundry list of traumas that you've had to deal with in your life. I'd love to talk about just sort of your identity as a soccer play. You stopped playing soccer because of these concussions, right? Yeah.

I stopped playing soccer when I was 17. Identity crisis, which is what led me to be in the abusive relationship. but I had over eight concussions. Wow. And that scares me so much. Like that scares that. Yeah. Concussions are one of those things that just, it's your brain.

It's so scary to think about that. You had eight of them? Yeah. Pretty severe ones. And I had to switch schools and I forgot my friends from the school that I transferred from. And my memory has come back. But it was, it was a really scary experience. because I had to go through, like I had to, I thought I was not going to go to college.

I didn't think that I was going to finish high school because of how that it was. So I'm very, very grateful that I was able to come out of that. Is the, did you, is it a waiting game mostly? Do you just, or are you doing rehabilitative therapy to get through that or what does that look like? Yeah. So cognitive therapy, behavioral therapy. it is kind of a waiting game with post-concussive syndrome. Typically, what I was told from my doctors is that symptoms tend to lessen over time

through these occupational therapies that you do. And that's why I continuously see my psychiatrist and therapist because I do tend to like forget. I have short-term memory loss. I have learning disabilities now. Like I read, it takes me 90% longer to read than someone without what I have. You know, so it's a constant daily battle and it's tough. You're listening to the Healthier Together podcast.

This has been quite a year to say the least. I know a lot of us are feeling stressed and anxious and I am right there with you. While I don't take a ton of supplements, one of my go-toes in getting through this year has been CBD. I love Kyoto Botanicals for a few key reasons. They own and operate their hemp supply chain from seed to bottle and hand-produce every bottle they sell to deliver products with unmatched consistency and quality. They believe every ingredient matters and should contribute to your overall health, which is why they only use USDA certified organic oils to deliver flavor with benefits.

their hemp is grown according to strict organic and biodynamic standards and they only use organic coconut MCT oil as a carrier. I take their tinctures twice a day in the morning to deal with the stress of the day and then in the evening to help me sleep. I particularly love the warm cinnamon turmeric tincture, especially in these cooler months. The taste is amazing and it just feels like a hug from the inside out. Yes, I know a lot of you are worried about the taste of CBD and while I've tried a number of brands that taste truly terrible, so I get it. The Kyoto Botanicals tinctures are all super delicious. I even use them in recipes. Remember, you need to take CBD for a few weeks to tone your endocannabotin system before you start seeing acute results. Not many people

talk about this, but it is critical. So you want to take Kyoto Botanicals consistently for a few weeks, and I promise, the difference you'll feel is amazing. Speaking of warmth, they have a warmth body balm that smells like toasty spices, kind of like a perfect spiced apple cider drink. I use it when my muscles are sore or I rub it on my temples and shoulders to alleviate tension headaches I get from spending way too much time in front of the computer. I highly recommend. They always have free shipping and you can get a whopping 25% off your order by visiting Kyoto Botanicals.com and using the code healthier together like the name of this podcast.

Again, that's K-Y-O-T-O-B-O-T-A-L-S dot com, and the code is healthier together. I cannot wait for you to try these. They are truly going to change your life. Now, let's get back to the episode. I want to talk about the identity thing in a second because I think that's so fascinating. But I'm also curious if you ever, like I used to do a lot of drugs, like a lot of drugs. I was a party person and I was really sort of trying to run away from myself via doing a lot of drugs. And I have these huge gaps in my memory from college and late high school.

And I sometimes see high school friends and I literally don't remember them or why we had a connection or anything like that. And I get so angry at my previous self for setting me up for this life. And I know that soccer is different because it's obviously not as destructive inherently. But I'm wondering if you have any sort of negative relationship now when you're struggling to read or having these ongoing issues with the person who made the choices that sort of brought you there. Yeah. It's difficult as a content creator because it takes me like so much long. longer to create a post or to do a YouTube video. It takes me so long because I do things at such a slow rate to make it the kind of content

that I know I want to put out into the world. So sometimes I do get frustrated because I think about, it's like this comparison game. I see people just throw out content every single second of the day. And I'm like, I literally cannot do that. I can't. There's no possible way for me. And then I get down about it because it's, it's my job. And not only my job, but it's like genuinely what I love.

I love sharing my journey and having people follow along. But like you said that you had gaps in memory, I don't remember a year of my life. and I don't, it's, it's like a fog. So I get what you mean when, when I never got into drugs or anything like that. But with my PTSD, there's so many gaps in my memory that I get frustrated with because my brain is trying to protect me. And it feels like another thing to add to the list of, okay, well, I just, I did go through that for four years and maybe it's my fault, but it's not my fault. So do you talk about your PTSD, your referencing specifically your abusive relationship. Do you count your concussions or any of those other or your, you know, rock bottom and your eating disorder?

Do you consider those causes of your PTSD or mostly this abusive relationship? Mostly this abusive relationship. I went through trigger warning for anybody who's been through an abusive relationship. I went through something called relationship terrorism. where it's essentially when your abuser uses all forms of abuse on you. So reproductive coercion, physical abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse. What's reproductive? I haven't heard the term reproductive coercion.

For me, it was he wanted to have a baby with me. And so he threw out my birth control and he wouldn't wear a condom. And yeah, so it's trying to control your life or your reproductive system. Yeah, your body. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy.

And how can I ask how that relationship finally ended? Yeah. When I was 21, he had isolated me to the point where I dropped out of college and I was living with him as family. I didn't really have any contact. I didn't have any contact with my family at all. Or friends. I just had him. That's like, you know, classic for abusive relationships. They want you to only rely on them and that's what happened. So even if I, even if my gut was telling me to leave, he was all I had. So I don't know. I will never waking up one day and I was like, I just need to go. I can't stop fighting this gut feeling. And I called my friends that I hadn't talked to in

years. And I said, I need you to come pick me up. I'll give you an address. And I didn't really tell them what was going on. In hindsight, I wish I did because, you know, things, you know, when you leave, it's the most dangerous time for the abuser to abuse that. partner and I wasn't aware of that. And so I want to stress right now, like if you are thinking about leaving or if you have somebody who is thinking about leaving, make sure you have a safe plan because that's when the most violence is, um, it's just statistically, you know, happened. And so within a couple hours, he was out grocery shopping and I packed my stuff into my friend's car and just left. Wow. That's like, so do you know where you got that,

that strength and bravery from in that moment? I do not know. I, to this day, to this day, I don't know because it's still blurry. I remember very, you know, vital points in that day, but outside, genuinely outside of what I just told you, I cannot remember. Yeah, it's, it's crazy how our brain protects us from trauma. I think it's such a fast. And like I saw a quote recently or something from a therapist that was like, shout out to everybody who doesn't remember their childhood because it was filled with trauma and trauma blocks those memories.

And I was like, oh, that makes sense. Got it. Got it, got it, got it, got it. Yeah. That's interesting. How does that affect your dating now? It affects it. Yeah.

It is really hard. I, you know, just recently, I am able to have guy friends and not the new experience because I was afraid of having any relationship with men. So I'm just, I try to be so kind with myself. I'm on dating apps and I tend to just like avoid them. So even just downloading a dating app is a step for me. So it's, it's a journey. It's a slow journey. That's fair. I mean, the whole, dating world is scary, you know, without any of that. So I can't even imagine layering that on there as well. Do you want to, like, are you interested in finding a long-term partner? Do you know if you want to have a family or, like, what do you picture your life down the road to look like in terms of that stuff? I've had to reroute my thinking with that. From a very young age, I've wanted a family.

I've wanted children. I've, like, I still want that. However, I've put so much time and effort into on learning a lot of what society wants us and wants our future to be like. And so I'm trying to come to terms that if that's not my past, then that's okay. And to keep putting, you know, positive energy into my life into ways that I want it to be. But even, but if it doesn't turn out the way that I want it to, you know, and I'll take it from there. But yes, I do want a family, something I always wanted.

Has anything been helped? I feel like I have so many friends who, you know, know, are maybe in their 30s and they really want kids, but they haven't found a partner yet, or they're struggling with fertility, or they're in a relationship and they, it feels like a dead end and they're not like, you know, they're trying to gather the strength to leave. And I think that that what you just said about figuring out how to make your life feel good to you, even without these things that you're so sure that you want and need that are sort of out of your control. I think that's so interesting. Is there anything that has been actually like pragmatically

helpful in that journey? I try so hard with someone who has anxiety, especially with COVID. It's been hard to convince myself to get out of the house. And this past two weeks has been really good because I'm just like, you know what, Mick, the world is afraid of you when you're not afraid. So I'm just going to go. So I, I have. I guess what helps me is just diving into the things that I love and creating relationships that come into my life in that way because those people on the other end are doing what they love and I came into their life that way. That makes sense.

I just think there's like, it is interesting what you say about like what the media tells us too because I think there's so many ways to have a full and rich and. beautiful life. And I found even for me finding, I was going on a hike with a girlfriend the other day. And we were trying to pick examples of women whose lives we would want to have. Like if we could trade our lives 30 years down the road, there were older women. And it was just really interesting to see all these examples we mentioned like Elizabeth Gilbert and Oprah. I think Oprah's come in so under the radar. She never married her partner, never had kids and nobody talks about. about it. Everybody's just like, oh, yeah, Oprah's living the life. Nobody's like, oh, she's

missing out on anything. And I think that's like a magic trick that she pulled, that it's not even been a point of conversation. And I think there's so many examples of these really full, beautiful lives. And it's been helpful for me to realize how many different ways that can look, you know? I had no idea about Oprah. Wow. You're right. No one talks about it. Nobody talks about it. And it's kind of subversive. Like, she's been dating, I forget his name, but like she's had her boyfriend for 20 years and they've just not gotten married, Gales, basically, like in her family. And then she's casually chosen not to have kids. And I'm like, go Oprah. And it's never even been part of her story. Wow. Wow. Wow. I'm going away. Go Oprah. Go Oprah. I would love to go back to the identity thing for a second because it does feel like you've sort of lived all of

these different lives. You know, you lived your soccer star life. And I want to clarify also for people listening, you weren't just like a high school soccer player, right? You were like a really good soccer player who could, you know, play long term, correct? Yeah, I was nationally ranked and I was getting scholarships from D1 schools. And I went to camps with the USA team and all of the above. So it was, it was a huge identity crisis when that was ripped away from me. Right. And I think a lot of people struggle with a ton of their identity being wrapped in one thing, like being a parent or their job.

And it makes them really, really scared to lose it. And as somebody who's come out even better, I would argue on the other end, do you have any advice for forming a new identity or dealing with that sort of identity crisis? I've never had that question before, and it's a really good question because it's making me reflect. I don't necessarily have advice because I don't know what it is about me. And maybe this is just a question where people can just say, you know, me too. I learned from trial and error.

and, you know, having locked, you know, a huge part of my life and then trying to find my whole identity in a man and then trying to find my whole identity in my body, you know, I, I struggle. Like, that is a, that is an internal struggle that I seriously deal with every single day. So I'm not going to try to give advice. Like that is something that I'm genuinely still working on internally, like to this day, even before this podcast, like every single day. What does the working on it or the struggle look like for you? Right now, I struggle with finding my identity and my work. I recently, I've just hit burnout more often than not.

And I mean, all of our screen time on our phones and computers have gone up because of COVID. And it's been putting a huge, like, relationship block with my work and myself. And I have, you know what, I've been really diving deeper into, like, childhood hobbies. I'm collecting rocks again. and I'm looking at my crystal collection over there, and I, you know, I shine them and I go through this process so that I can really focus on what I love instead of what everybody needs from me. I love, I literally got this warm feeling in my chest when you said that you've been diving into childhood hobbies because it instantly connected me to a time where I wasn't

placing my value on external things of the work I could do or what I could produce or what people thought of me. And it's crazy how much I'm disconnected from that now and how much my worth and my identity is sort of based on external sources. But I love the idea of kind of diving back into like I used to just go out behind my house. I used to pretend I was running away and I would tell my mom I was running away and I'd like pack a little bag. And then I would go hike in this like wash. I lived in the desert in Arizona behind my house for like five hours and I'd make little potions and, uh, just like play. I think we've lost a sense of doing stuff just for the sake of doing it, not because it makes you better or enhances you in any sort of way. Just because you

enjoy it. It's been, it's, it was like pulling teeth for me to, to do it though. I think it was hard for me. I'm like, No, don't do it. And then I found myself. I traveled to Michigan because my dad grew up in Detroit. And we went to Traverse City to a family home that we have. And I spent hours on the beach just collecting rocks. And it was better than therapy. Oh, my gosh.

I just didn't matter what anything was happening, you know, around me. I was focusing on this one thing. It gave me so much joy. I was getting excited when I saw a really cool rock. And it really has changed my, you know, happy time, I guess I should say, the past couple of months. I'm really grateful for it. Why do you think it was like pulling teeth? Because I, if social media is hard for me to get away.

from because it's like I just want to help everybody. I want to help everybody so much. And it gets to the point where it doesn't bring me joy anymore. And I still want to help people. So that, I guess that's why it's pulling teeth because it's like I love it. But it's then if I overdo it, I don't love it anymore. But I still feel like I need to do it. I also think women tend to, I mean, men too, but I think women especially tend to derive a lot of their identity from being helpers. And I think you see that, you know, in jobs like yours, but also in women who work really hard all day, kick ass at their job. And then they're helping a friend with a relationship. And then they're helping a colleague with a project.

And then they're helping their kids with their homework. And then they're helping, you know, make dinner. And I just think women, yeah, derive a lot of them. identity from being helpers for better for worse. I think it's it's it's it's beautiful in a lot of ways. And um, but I think it it's hard to step back and be like when do I need to just help myself. Mm hmm. I learned that unfortunately for my mom. My mom is amazing. She's always helping somebody. Yeah. Well, and it's modest. And then it's it's applauded by society. It's like, oh, look at this woman doing it all and and and kind of giving and giving and giving until she's,

completely depleted and we're like, oh my gosh, yes, she's doing it. And I think that that can be a really dangerous message to send kids. It's so dangerous. Can we talk about your skin story for a second? So you're currently on Accutane. And I would love to know sort of your journey with your skin in general and then what led to the decision to take Accutane and then what your experience has been with it so far. Yeah. I have dealt with acne my entire life since I hit puberty, probably even before that. Like I can't remember a life about acne. And I carried cover up in my backpack since I was a kid. And I've been through so many different medications and so many different diets. It's one of the things that also led me to

disordered eating and eating disorders because you're told to eliminate gluten and dairy out of your diet and all of these things and for most people it's not the case when you look at like science and stuff

you're like oh I didn't know that that was only for a certain amount of people and not the whole population so I it's been a lifelong journey and two years ago I found out about acutane is also what it's called. And it's a really hard drug to be on. And I decided not to do it because I was in the beginning of my recovery.

I think I was six months into my recovery at that time. And I was just, you know, thinking if I do this, I'm not going to get the chance to fully accept myself because I'm always, wanting to fix, six, fix, fix. And again, thank you, being a woman. So I decided to go into this acne and skin acceptance journey, and it was so hard. Like I, some of my lowest body image days have been because of my acne because I can't look somebody in the eye. or I'm afraid that if I turn my back to somebody, they're going to see my back acne in the summer or when I'm wearing a tank top or something, or even just being hyper aware of the pain on my face,

back in chest and shoulders, being aware of pain. I mean, you think about stubbing your toe and, you know, having that pain afterwards, that was my reality for all, pretty much all of the cystic acts. me on my face and my back and my shoulders and chest. And I, it's hard, it's pretty much impossible to not feel that pain and be aware of what's on your face and on your body. And I had to do so much emotional work. And part of that emotional work was being open and authentic about it on social media because

at the time I didn't see any skincare brand, any makeup brand really share. real skin. It was all poorless, photoshopped and have makeup on their skin. And you'll see that today, too. But more people have been more outspoken about it, which I'm very, very grateful for because this big movement is starting. And I think I'm three months into, three and a half months into Accutane. I started then because I hit a point where I said to myself, you know, I love, I love me. I love my skin. I don't love the pain that I'm in. I don't love that I can't be fully present in situation because I'm aware of this pain. It's not that I'm self-conscious of it. I just, I can't, I don't want to live like this. And that's okay to say unapologetically. I think a lot of

People think, you know, if your skin positive and why are you taking acutane? No, I'm allowed to have autonomy in every aspect of my life. I can choose to make that, you know, liberating decision. And so that's what I did. And I'm, again, three and a half months in, I've had a pretty great experience. My mental health is, you know, kind of dipping, but that's another side effect. but I had two years of preparation to get to this point and prepare and have all of my self-care things in order like therapy, like my psychiatrist, and, you know, everybody there to support

me when I am having some of these side effects. Yeah, I think the mental health side effects would be the thing that would make me the most anxious, ironically. But because you're somebody who has suffered from mental health. illnesses before. So I guess I'm curious, like when you say you're having some mental health effects, when you're feeling, do you mean you're feeling like depressed or anxious or having panic attacks? And how do you attribute that to acutane versus just being like, this is how I'm feeling? And how do you, I don't know, like get a handle on that? So I know my body

inside and out. I think that's the beautiful thing of learning to getting, learning to get to know myself before taking any of that because I know how I function is the same thing with learning to love my body and going through that recovery process with my eating disorders. I chose to know the ins and out of self-care, you know, knowing that my worth goes beyond my body. And so when I'm feeling so exhausted to the point where it's difficult. to get up from the couch, I know that that is not me. And that is so, it's not practiced enough.

We're just taught to have these fast solutions. And we're not taught to just listen to our bodies first and have our bodies tell us or guide us in what it needs. And so I know that when I'm feeling exhausted is acutane. I know that when I'm feeling like I just want to cry all the time, I know that's not me. Because I have all of these steady things in my life that have that are habits even before acutane that genuinely make me happy. So I knew about the mental side effects. And I think that's where the bad reviews come in because it is really scary.

If you have a mental illness, if you have any type of mental illness to go on a drug, that the main side effect is mental health issues, you know? Yeah. I mean, it's terrifying. I've like almost avoided, even in my worst moments when I was agoraphobic and didn't get out of bed or leave my house for months. And I was still so afraid of changing my brain. brain in any way, even in a positive way, that I avoided the mental health drugs because those

scared me with how they were affecting my brain, if that makes sense. So like anything that has the potential to affect your brain, I think it's terrifying. Yeah, it is. That's why support is so great. You said something and I really just want to repeat it because I think it is so important that you can love your skin and want to change it. Do you feel the same about your body? Can you love your body and want it to look different? I hate when people say love your body. You know what I mean? Like, well, what if I don't love my body? Like, shut up. And it is, I mean, really, like, stop telling me what I can and can't love. I, and, and. That's so interesting that you say that because it's literally like another form of control is to tell you to love your body.

Yes, exactly. And so how I see love is how I care for my body. And it's through caring for your body that allows you to love the ins and out of, you know, any situation in life, any, anything that happens to you. And gosh, it just, it ain't. me because that's all I see on social media lately. Like you're you can love yourself. Well, what if I don't genuinely? So what so what would your message be instead of that instead of you can love yourself? Care for yourself. Like ask yourself what is the kind of thing that I can do for

myself even though I don't love myself right now. You know, it could be laying down. It could be going for a walk. It could be, you know, eating a cheeseburger. It could be eating a salad. It could be, getting your emotions out in a really heavyweight workout. It could be running. It could be so many different things. It could be hanging out with a friend. It could be anything. Just be kind.

Yeah. I love that sentiment. I think the hardest thing for me to parse sometimes, I feel a certain sense of disassociation from my body because of various sort of traumas in my past. And I think it's hard for me to sometimes tune in to what my body actually want. answer needs and I guess, you know, like when does it really want to lay and rest and eat a cheeseburger? And when is that not actually what it wants and what it wants is a green smoothie and to go for a run? And I think developing honing that sense of intuition is really tricky for me.

And I'm curious if you have any advice to kind of like narrow in on on what the real messages are from you versus anything external or anything trauma-based? Yeah, I like to hit trial and error. I mean, I've gone through days where I accidentally forced myself to work out and I'm completely depleted emotionally and I can't even pick up a weight. And I've rested when I really felt like my body was telling me to work out. out and it's not going to be perfect. It doesn't need to be.

It's not supposed to be perfect. It never will be. So it's learning how to communicate with your body. And like with any other relationship, you're going to have, you know, these points where you're like, oh, I thought you meant this. No, I really meant this. Let's work on this. Interesting. You talked about, you have an autoimmune disease as well, right?

Mm-hmm. Which one do you have? Yeah, which one? Yeah. So I am currently being tested for Hashimoto's, and there's no criteria for lupus, but that's pretty much where my doctor is, you know, leading me to in my healing process with that. and it's difficult because with any autoimmune disease, the norm with it is not knowing because a lot of doctors aren't really taught to listen to patients. And so you have to be self-sufficient and you have to fight for yourself.

So that's what I've been doing for the last year and a half. And I've gotten some answers. I have IBD, which is also linked with Crohn's disease. I have interstital cystitis, which is inflammation of the bladder. And it's almost like IBS, but with your bladder. And I have shingles as well, which is not an autoimmune disease, but it is a symptom of many autoimmune diseases and disorders. So I have been leaning on medical marijuana or medical cannabis. And that has been a really awesome journey for me because a lot of those symptoms have lessened because not just medical cannabis, but because it's allowed me to calm down and look at the bigger picture, like how can I care for myself now that I'm not stressed.

but it's it's really difficult knowing that I have all these problems and not knowing what to do with them. When you say you've been relying on medical marijuana, do you take like micro doses throughout the day or what does that look like specifically? It kind of depends. I have my doctor for guidance, but if I'm feeling stress during the day, I do microdose. If I, but I mainly do it at night. I don't, I like to feel, and this is, again, I'm learning if this is my pride getting in the way or if like I really need help in different areas of my life. But I like to feel like nothing is getting in the way of my thinking or anything like that when I'm working and stuff. So mainly at night. Yeah, that's fair.

You're listening to the Healthier Together podcast. There's something new and so exciting that just launched in the non-dairy milk world. You might have heard of lava. They're famous for their super creamy plant-based yogurt. Well, they've just launched lava plant milk, which is going to be your new favorite non-dairy milk. It's totally different than any other plant milk on the market because it's made with peeling nuts, a super nourishing food that's high in magnesium, vitamin E, and mono-unsaturated fats that support heart health and brain function.

Gilly nuts are also a complete protein, making this honestly some of the most nutrient-dense plant milk I have ever tried. Beyond that, the texture is unreal. It's super rich and creamy, not at all like some of the other plant milks you find, which essentially feel like white water. It's also got the best ingredient list that I have seen in a long time. It's made with all real food ingredients, including coconut water, which provides a nice gentle sweetness. They also have a chocolate lava plant milk, which is sweetened with dates and gets its delicious chocolatey flavor from unsweetened fair trade cocoa. It even has maca, a hormone-supporting superfood in it, which I thought was bananas,

like how above and beyond can you get? None of their plant milksclaims contain any emulsifiers or sweeteners. I've been using the unsweetened milk as a base for my lattes now that the weather's getting cooler, and I love having the chocolate one as a little protein nash after my workout. And for you coffee lovers out there, I am talking to you, Zach. They're launching a plant creamer too. You can find the lava plant milk that whole foods and you can find out more information about them at love lava.com. That is love with two vs and lava with two vs.

They're going to blow your mind. They are so unique and so delicious. I can't wait for you to try them. Now, let's get back to the episode. Do you do anything else to manage it? Like I'm curious particularly with your relationship with food, if there's any part of you that's like, oh, I want to follow these food protocols to work with my work on my autoimmune disease, but then if that could lead into restricted eating and problems around that again?

I don't even touch that aspect of it. I lean on my dietitian for that and have her give me guidance because when you go to a doctor, for instance, if you go to a GI doctor, they're going to tell you to go on the FODMAP diet or to like go on this elimination diet. But what if you have disordered eating? What if you have an eating disorder? They don't go through that criteria with you. When I, I think three years ago, I went to a GI doctor before I was diagnosed with IBB.

And he wanted to put me on the FODMAP diet. But I called my dietician and she sent in a letter and said, no, she is not going on this. I like we need to work together in order to create a plan. Yeah, I also think that stress can impact your, your digestive system so much. And doctors don't like consider that. Like I thought I had IBS before I left New York during the pandemic. And I like was curled around my toilet every night and just like such excruciating

stomach pain. And I went on the low Fodmack diet and it didn't do anything for my particular circumstance. and then I left New York and was in nature and it completely went away. And then I like ate pizza and was felt completely fine. And it's, I do think that working with somebody who can have not only a holistic view of your situation, but a holistic view of you as a person is critical for them to be able to see if that might be the case for you or if something else is the case for you. I wholeheartedly agree with that.

Do you get, I mean, I know I sort of asked this earlier, but like, you just like listed all of these things that make your life harder on a day-to-day basis than many people's lives are. And I'm just like, do you get pissed off? Like, are you just like, this is unfair? Why do I have to deal with this? Or how do you, or if you have friends who are just kind of like living their lives and not thinking about all the things that you need to think about to feel good every day, doesn't that make you angry or how do you deal with that? Yeah, it makes me really pissed off. I'm like, why me?

Why? I've been, I, when you go through figuring out what autoimmune diseases you have, you go through, you know, even your youngest hospital visits. And I've been dealing with these symptoms since I was like a baby. I would be hospitalized for weeks just by having a common cold or, having a simple cut on my hand, I would get a staff infection, a really bad staff infection. So my immune system has been down my entire life. And it sucks. I have the only way that has alleviated that feeling of, you know, hopelessness is finding ways to manage my

stress and manage my life in a way that I know won't cause me to put myself in a position to get sick. But yeah, it's freaking suck. And it's, it is so difficult. It's just so difficult. Are you prone to comparison or jealousy as a person, like both with health stuff, but also like, do you look at people in the same field as you and go like, oh, that's annoying? Are people with more money or people with a relationship you want. Like, do you fall into that comparison trap? Are you able to avoid that? I think it's very human to be that way.

When I was younger, I used to get so angry when somebody had something that I didn't. And I have learned to practice gratitude. I live a very, very, very privileged life, no matter what I've been through. And I think it's been scientifically proven through studies that if you practice gratitude, your life, like, you start to not realize the bad things. Correct me if I'm wrong. But that it really has helped me. No, it literally rewires your brain. Specifically, I think if you are as specific as possible and nuance.

So you're not just like, you don't wake up every day. You're not just like, I'm grateful for my dog. But you're like, I'm grateful for this walk I took with my dog today. It literally, like, science shows that it rewires your brain, which is crazy. So crazy. It's amazing. Okay, I have a few reader questions for you. I got a lot, but I narrowed them down to four.

So let's do it. What is your favorite thing about yourself? My determination. Ooh, I love that. That's beautiful. How would you say that you're determined or how does that manifest in your life? Um, I always, I'm always determined to find the good in somebody or something to a fault. And I could say it's a fault, but I see it as my biggest strength.

Um, I am so determined to, to help people and to help myself that, um, you know, I can only think that has led me to leave my abusive relationship that has led me to leave, you know, eating disorders and in pretty traumatic paths. So I, it's my biggest strength, but it's also like, you know, it's kryptonite as well. I think that's true of almost everything, though. Like, I was just writing a piece for something I'm working on and it was about how my anxiety has been, this, you know, linchpin around my neck or the beast of burden, but it's also given me all of these incredible things, my sense of empathy, my sense of storytelling. And I do think a lot of times the things that are our best things also are kryptonite. You know, I think that those go hand

in hand. And realizing that can be really, really beautiful because then you don't want to get rid of the bad things because they come with the best things. Exactly. What's the best advice to stop feeling like you need to be in a small body to be considered worthy? Unfollow everybody on social media. That makes you feel like you are a lesser version of yourself. And then make you feel like crap. Mute your friends that do that. You don't have to completely unfriend them.

And also, you know, focus on you, on you, create boundaries in real life. You're allowed to unfollow people in real life as well. And start following people that are in marginal, communities and people that look like you and and you'll start to realize just how much social media can really it's like with the the gratitude thing like everything that you focus yourself into it kind of determines your decisions and how you live your life and your thoughts yeah absolutely I love the idea of unfollowing people in real life as well like I think sometimes we focus too much in our feed and we don't realize that like this friendship is no longer serving us anymore or

something like that. Did your experience with Bell's palsy change your view of beauty in any way? Oh, my, Lanta. I forgot about that. Oh, that was one of the most terrifying things I had ever been through because I thought my body was literally shutting down. I did not know what was happening. Yeah, can you, like, walk us through what happened for people who aren't familiar with

Bell's palsy and just to hear what your experience was? Yeah. So what I didn't know at the time was I had COVID. This was in January. I was so sick out of my mind. I had been traveling from, I traveled to New York three times in Colorado. And then I was in Disney World. So all of the most populated areas and in the most, you know, people moving in and out.

And I, at the end of my Disney World trip, I woke up and my smile on my left side was smiling and I could not move the right side of my face. And it was so terrifying. I also had shingles at the time. I mean, my body was just going through it. and it was I chose not to go to, you know, the parks that day, in hindsight, good decision. I didn't know COVID was a thing then. But it really, like, I felt like I wasn't myself. I think that was the scariest thing.

Like, I didn't know what was happening. And, yeah, when I smiled, like, I would like turn, I would tilt my head. So it was like somehow or like in my head, I would think that I looked like I would smile. on the right side of my face. And so, yeah, it, like, it really, it hit me in a weird way. It was weird. Wait, so then what did you do? Did you, like, go to the doctor? Were you like, like, I, my brain would be like, I'm going to be paralyzed forever. I had a stroke. What's going on, you know? Yeah. So I flew, I flew home from Florida that night. I was in a panic. I didn't know what's happening. So I flew home and I went to go see a doctor right away because I was on like bronchitis

meds and they thought I had pneumonia and then, you know, my shingles and I was something's just really wrong with my body. And I started to notice about two weeks into it that my smile started to become stronger. But there was a point where I thought that my face was going to be like that for the rest of my life. And that was really scary. And it put things into perspective. Yeah.

I mean, how did you make peace with that? I don't know if I made peace with it. I allowed myself to recognize how, even though my body is shutting down, how amazing my body is, that it tells me in such major ways when something is off instead of, you know, in a way where, like, I can't recognize it. So it allowed me to listen to my body more. And then later you were diagnosed with COVID? Yeah. So I had, I had COVID before I went to Disney World in Florida.

Yeah. Back when like nobody knew, I mean, it was, we were blissfully ignorant at that point. Yeah. That's why none of the meds were working. That's why they thought I had pneumonia. And then, so I'm going to laugh so hard telling this. So the reason why I found out that I had, I had COVID later on was because I was watching the news. And I saw something about COVID toes.

I don't know if anybody else, but they showed pictures of COVID toes. and I looked down at my toes and I had COVID toes. And this, like, this symptom tends to last, like, even afterwards. I don't have COVID toes anymore. But I was like, hold up. I got tested right away. I tested negative. But then I went into the doctor.

This is like months after, mind you. And they were like, yeah, like with your symptoms and how medication wasn't working for you. I mean, you had it. And so I got tested for antibodies and I had both of the antibodies. Wow. That's crazy. What are COVID toes? Is it just like swollen or a color?

I, my toes were freezing and they were purple and blue. And it was almost like it was in a pattern of like a web. And it sounds really gross. No, it's interesting. Has knowing that you like had COVID? COVID helped you get through this weird time of COVID? Like, has it lessened the fear around COVID in any way? No, not at all because knowing me, my body will somehow find a way to get it again.

And I was, I was so sick. I thought I was going to be hospitalized for like a month. I didn't know what to do. So my anxiety and my like, just everything with COVID is still very, very present. Yeah, I read or heard you say somewhere that isolation has triggered a lot of negative emotions and memories for you. I'm curious, like, I'm so curious about people's COVID experiences in general, both like the silver linings and the things people realize. Because I do think this is just something we're all going to look back on in 30 years and be like, Oh, remember when we went through this as a world together.

Oh, gosh. It's just crazy. It's a crazy thing that we're living through. So has it been all negative? And what are the negative parts? And have you had any silver linings? The silver line. So the negative.

There seems to be like a lot of negatives happening. And I feel like everybody is hitting a burnout point where they're just tired of it. I'm tired of it. I'm just like, can this be over already? I'm tired of being scared to go grocery shopping or go, like right now I don't have a functioning washer and dryer. And I'm scared to go to the laundromat. Even though it'll be fixed in a couple of days, like I'm, I hate that the, that there are

hoops to go through. And the silver lining is I'm able, when you're isolated or when I'm isolated, a lot of the issues that I have mentally become more present. And so I'm having a lot more things to talk about in therapy. That's fair. I mean, could that be like a silver lining that you're... Yes, yes. Yeah, you're like trolling through those past issues a little bit more?

Yeah, because I, like, without... We have everyday distraction. and those distractions, you know, lead us to not think about our just mental state, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It has been, it's been interesting to be so free of those daily distractions and also to have a whole new barrage of other daily distractions, you know, to deal with, like being, like going to the grocery store being like a thing now that you have to psych yourself. I'll talk for and be like, oh, I'm going to the grocery store. Yes.

The last reader question is, what do you think is the worst thing that you see people do when they're trying to grow their social media? And what was the most helpful thing that you did when trying to grow your social media? The worst thing I see people do is wanting to be an influencer. The best thing that I've seen people do is share their story and passion and, and, and talk about what matters to them. Because when you do that, it's like a magnetic attraction for others who care about the same thing. And so when you say wanting to be or trying to be an influencer, you mean just sort of like posting for the sake of posting. Exactly, exactly.

And what about super pragmatically? Because I love to get just like very nitty gritty on this podcast. Do you think like posting more than once a day is important? Or are there any sort of hyper-specific practical tips you could give people? I don't. And the reason why I don't is because I get mad when there's like formulas involved. I get angry and that might be my pride again. But like I feel like if I'm on social media, it should be a joyful place because I'm creating

relationships. And I do think, like, obviously checking if you have a business account, get one if you are, if you have business and check what hours your audience is more active and posting around that time, but only do so if your mind is in it. Because if your mind isn't in it, people are going to know whether you like it or not. People are going to know. Yeah, I've found that for sure true in my own social media career. Okay, and then we've talked about, I have questions that I'm going to ask you that I like to ask everybody. But the last thing I want to talk to you about is you've talked about therapy a lot. And I'd love to know what other tools are in your toolbox for your mental health because I'm always trying to augment my own toolbox.

Yeah, I step outside and breathe the fresh air, take off my shoes, ground myself, because typically when I am, you know, in between four walls, a ceiling. and a floor, my thoughts don't really have any space at all. So when I take a breath outside, even if it's just for a second or when I ground myself for five minutes or more, I find myself being able to move through thoughts and feelings no matter what the weather is outside. Because weather is kind of like emotions, you can run from it or you can. or you can experience them. And so I do it in the rain.

I do it in the snow. I do it when it's nice out. I do it when it's gray out because I feel like it helps me go through difficult emotions. You know, there's a study that says if you can see expansively, it actually triggers more creative thoughts because essentially if you can see far, your brain can almost think expansively. And I feel like that's...

I didn't know that. Yeah. It's similar to what you're... what you're saying, I do think that sometimes we can feel confined mentally because we're confined physically without even realizing that, especially during, you know, this time where so many of us are spending so much time in the same four walls. Yeah, I have no idea about that. I'll have to look into it. That's interesting. Yeah, it's really interesting. And then I know you journal as well, right? Mm-hmm. Has that, can you persuade me to start journaling or has that been helpful to you?

you? Yeah, I, so I've written in journals since I can remember. I used to write inspirational speeches, even when I was younger, and I shouldn't be doing that. Like, I'm 10 years old. Why am I trying to write these inspirational speeches? But, you know, so I have this, like, love, hate relationship, because anytime I outdo something, I run away from it because I hate it. And I think that's okay because I've then have been able to find out ways to love journaling again. So if I don't feel like writing for an hour, I mean, an hour is a lot to anybody. I just love writing. But if I don't want to do that, I just jot down three things that I'm feeling,

mad at mad, sad, angry, and then I'm done. Finding a way that that journaling fits into your life because when you are, when you allow yourself to get your thoughts out into the world, things become easier in your head. And do you meditate or do anything else in that, you know, mental health toolkit category? Meditating to me is cleaning and doing like full body things. that I can really... Cleaning? Yeah, I know, it's weird.

Even growing up, I was a messy person, and I'm a type B person. I'm on the far type B side of things, but my ADHD genuinely loves like full body things where I don't need to think about anything else so that my mind doesn't race, like polishing my rock or, you know, walking blue, my dog, or full body things that I cannot. physically think about anything else. I love that actually. If you can't sit and meditate, find another way to be mindful in a way that works for your brain and your body,

kind of. My husband would be so happy if my meditation was gleaning. I think we would have a different relationship completely. Okay, so here's some quick fire questions. What is the best way to spend 20 minutes every single day in the name of living? a healthier or happier life? Sitting down and eating and enjoying your food. Do you do anything else while you eat or are you able or do you one of the people who kind of like sits there and mindfully eats?

It depends. I would say half and half. I watch like vampire diaries while I'm eating. But I, if I'm feeling like really off and I just need some silence, I sit in complete silence and I allow my. myself to think about like what textures am I eating, what like what do I taste, what flavors are happening and it grounds me. What's your favorite thing to eat? Pasta.

Oh yeah. What kind of pasta? So I love, oh my gosh, why can't I remember the name? It's chickpea pasta. The banza stuff? Yes, banda pasta, yes. Because I have, I literally have packages in my cupboard because I eat it all the time. It's great. And do you do like Carbonara or Alfredo or just like a red sauce? I really love pasta so I could talk about pasta for a very long time.

Yeah. So red sauce or pesto, basil pesto is really good. I love pesto. I don't. I had a TikTok that like went viral a while ago that was basically making the argument that. that pasta is like the best way to eat salad because you shove all of these greens in it. And then you blitz it up and you eat it on pasta. And it's like way more fun than eating salad. Mm-hmm. But it's so good for you. You're eating like so many. If you look at the stuff that goes into a pasta, you're eating like a pile of greens and a bunch of raw garlic.

And so good for you. Okay. Have you ever been somewhere in the world and been like the people here really got it right in terms of living a healthier or happier life? And if so, where was it? India. When I lived in India, they, I would say in the, so I hiked the Himalayan Mountains for six months and lived within the villages. Oh my God. Yeah, the people that lived in the villages really changed my life because they appreciated just being able to have land. And it was just amazing. They were so happy with very little. Did you do that by yourself or with other people? I went there by myself and I

then had a few people that I met there that I didn't know and we just hiked together. So it was really awesome. It was an amazing experience. So cool. So cool. What's something that you've bought recently that's made your life healthier or happier? Food. A person that, like, I like you know, shopping and whatnot, but I wouldn't say it like makes my life easier and happier. Food works. Food works. Yeah. Yeah, food. Do you feel successful and why or why not? Yes, because every single day I log on to work and I see so many women's lives being transformed and also, outside of work. My relationship with my family has bloomed and I'm very, very grateful for that.

And same with my friendship. Does money factor into stuff at all? Like, I know you just bought a house. How much does the financial element motivate you? I am very financially motivated. My mom is the working human in the household. And that's what I grew up with. And I watched her do that. And, I've always had that like go against the norm kind of thing. So having a stay at home dad and having a working mom, it was a really cool dynamic to be a part of. And I love being financially successful. I think it is very, very empowering because I didn't need a major corporation

to lead me to here. I didn't buy a house with a man, even though my whole entire life I thought when you buy a house you're married, you know, I've, I love it. Yeah, I mean, that's back to like the stories we're told versus defining what a full and happy and beautiful life looks like to us. And it's, I think buying a house is one of those like ultimate, uh, symbols of that, which is super cool. All right. This is the last one. What is a big mistake that you've made?

It could be one that you've learned from. It could be one that you could not find any lessons in. but a big mistake. And then after that, what's something that you really got right? I'm inherently a horrible communicator. And that's literally one of my biggest strengths now. I was so bad at communicating my feelings and communicating just anything. And people would be confused.

And I would then be confused. and it just caused a big confusion of a mess. And that led me to really work on things so that I could live a better life. And so now I still struggle with communicating, but I'm a thousand percent better. Yeah. I mean, we just did an entire podcast interview. So I'm like, oh, you're inherently bad at communicating. And I've had a really great conversation with you for the past hour and a half.

Was there anything that helped you with that? Or was that just literally like a practice, practice, practice thing? Practice, practice. And people getting mad at me when I didn't communicate. That's fair. That's fair. And then what's something that you really nailed in your life that you can really look back and be like, I got that right? I would say being vulnerable.

Can you expand on what that means to you or how you got that right? Yeah. I mean, I was definitely forced into. being vulnerable through recovery, but I learned, I live by this quote, one, change happens one conversation at a time. And my mom said that to me. I will not take credit for that. My mom says that to me and she says that to her workplace. And it's changed my life because it does make change, even just within yourself, but also through others too. It allows people to to open up and be vulnerable in their own lives.

So it's not just like, it doesn't just affect myself, but it affects everybody around me. And do you think vulnerability is also sort of a practice skill? Like when you do it and it feels uncomfortable, that's how you're learning to do it again? Or what would you tell people who, you know, want to be vulnerable but can't bring themselves to that place? It's practice.

Even if it's just like whispering to yourself at first, or putting it down in a journal and then telling a friend and then telling your parents or family. And then, you know, it doesn't have to be big. Like, it doesn't have to be like speaking in front of a stadium. It can be in tiny ways, but those tiny things can lead to big things and big change. I love that. Change happens one conversation at a time. I love that.

Well, thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me today, Mick. Thank you for having me. It was a pleasure. I just love her. She makes me want to take care of myself and take care of other people and I don't know, just live a life that really feels good and she's overcome so much in our life. So if she can still work toward that every day, it really makes me feel like I can too. I hope you love this episode. If you did love it, definitely screenshot. Tag me. I'm at Liz Moody on Instagram, tag Mick. She's at Mick Zayzon. let us know what you think. Let us know any thoughts, feelings, questions that come up. We would love to continue the conversation. Also, if you loved it, if you wanted to give it a quick rating or

review on iTunes or wherever you are listening to your podcast, it's always so appreciated and it helped other people find the podcast. And speaking of that, if there's anybody you know in your life who really feel like needs mix words, needs mix wisdom, please shoot them a link. I just, I don't know, She's so wise and kind and has so many important things to say. And so I want them to help as many people as possibly possible. All right, you are beautiful and I love you. And I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. See you on the next episode of the Healthy Together podcast.

When it comes to wellness, you're going to get the best results by focusing on the big needle movers. A lot of us spend a lot of time trying to optimize that last 1%, which creates a ton of stress. And it actually doesn't help our health that much. At the top of the needle mover list, sleep. And one of the best ways to optimize your sleep is to optimize your mattress, which is why I love avocado green mattress so much. First of all, this mattress is so comfortable.

I have the one with the pillow top, which is medium firm, and it's just a dream. I miss it when I travel. It's better than even the fanciest hotel beds. Having a mattress that supports your joints and your body and feels good is going to help you get more sleep and better quality sleep. But then, on top of that, avocado mattresses are made with certified organic cotton, wool, and latex, and they are made safe and green guard gold certified. They're also Okotech certified, which is the gold standard.

I look for it in any mattresses, sheets, or towels that I buy, which means the materials have been rigorously tested for harmful substances. You can actually look for the Okotech standard 100 label right on the product, and I love this part. It includes a traceable certificate number and the name of the testing lab so you know exactly what you're getting. There are no toxic chemicals, there's no harmful off-gassing, it does not smell like it's going to kill you when you unbox it. This is what I mean. I'm not going to swap out all of my clothing, which is that top 1% of optimization.

But by making sure that my mattress and my bedding are as good for me as possible, I literally reduce my exposure during a third of my life, which is a huge needle mover for a one-time swap. I will also note, and this is a me thing, but I sleep super hot and avocado's materials, are really breathable, and it makes me sweat the least of any mattress that I have slept on. And avocado is a certified B Corp and a 1% for the planet member, because caring for yourself and caring for the planet do not have to be separate things. You can get up to 20% off organic mattresses and more by shopping Avocados Presidents Day Sale right now at avocadogreenmatress.com. That is avocadogreenmatress.com, no code needed.

When you think about strength and resilience, like your ability to feel energized, to recover well, to stay strong as you get older, what do you think that actually comes from? Most people say working out or good nutrition, and yes, of course that matters. But there is a biological foundation underneath all of that that most people are completely overlooking. I have been diving deep into this lately with the team at timeline and what I've learned has genuinely shifted how I think about my own health. Every single movement that your body makes, every step, every workout, every muscle contraction

depends on energy produced at the cellular level. And at the center of that is your mitochondria. Here is the thing that nobody tells you, certainly nobody told me. Starting around age 30, our mitochondria naturally become less efficient. More get damaged, more become sluggish, and over time that impacts your energy, your strength, your recovery, and your resilience. Most of us respond by pushing more. we're like noticing these things and we're adding in more protein.

We're trying to fix it with more supplements. We're trying to do harder workouts. And those things do help. But timelines research suggests that we also need to be supporting the cellular machinery underneath. And that is exactly what their supplement, Mitopure, does. It contains Erolithin A, which helps your body clear out damage mitochondria and support healthier ones so that your cells can produce energy more efficiently.

Because this is happening to your cells, it's going to impact. your entire body, your immune system, your muscles. One study found that taking mitochondria increased muscle strength by 12% in four months with no change in exercise routine, it's going to impact your energy, your sleep, your skin, your cell health impacts all of this, and urolithinea keeps your cells healthy. Timeline has done over 15 years of research and testing on this one product, urolithin A, which, by the way, most of us lack the gut bacteria to synthesize naturally. That's why many of us need to supplement it to get the benefits. This has become a staple supplement for me.

It is my top way to support how I want to look and feel as I age. Support yourselves and how you age with mitopure gummies from Timeline. Visit Timeline.com slash Liz and save up to 39% on your mitopure gummies. That is Timeline.com slash Liz.