The Liz Moody Podcast - Nico Tortorella & Bethany Meyers — Open Relationships, Being Fluid Icons, And Living By Your Own Rules (Actually)

Episode Date: June 20, 2018

Nico Tortorella (@nicotortorella) stars as Josh on TV Land’s hit show, Younger, and is the author of the stunning recent book of poetry, all of it is you. Bethany Meyers (@bethanycmeyers), is a fitness phenomenon and the founder of the be.come project, a body-positive boutique workout app launching in July. They’ve been together for a decade, and celebrated their wedding several months ago (check out their stunning pictures here). They’re also renowned for celebrating fluidity in every element of their lives, from their gender identity to their sexual preferences to the state of their relationship. In this episode, we trace the course of their enviable relationship from the beginning. We talk about the first time they explored having other partners, how they cope with jealousy, Nico’s alcoholism and consequent sobriety, why they got married after all these years, and how their relationship has changed under the spotlight of fame. If you’ve ever considered an open relationship, or simply wanted to live a life a bit more free from the constant pressure of what’s expected, this is a must-listen episode: Nico and Bethany make their own rules like no two people I’ve ever met. It’s also worth staying till the end to hear a poem Nico wrote for Bethany, and their unborn child. For every episode of the Healthier Together podcast, there will be a corresponding giveaway and a challenge based on some of the guest’s shared wisdom—one week we might meditate, and another we might try a new skincare routine or tweak our diets, all in the name of actually getting healthier together (versus just listening to a podcast). Come join in (and enter to win!) on Instagram @lizmoody, or using the hashtag #htpodcast. Enjoy! This podcast is brought to you by Four Sigmatic. I’m extremely picky about the food I consume, and after doing a huge amount of research on mushrooms, I’ve become not only a fan but an evangelist. I don’t drink caffeine, so I use mushrooms to help me wake up in the morning (cordyceps), focus in the afternoon (lion’s mane), and calm down in the evening (reishi). I also use the chaga to bolster my immune system on trips (either cross-country or just on the arguably-more-disgusting NYC subway). This stuff REALLY works, and now I rarely go a day without it. Get 15% off your order using the code healthiertogether, or visiting foursigmatic.com/healthiertogether (and feel free to hit me up on Instagram @lizmoody with any questions—I could swan over shrooms till the end of time!). Healthier Together cover art by Zack. Healthier Together music by Alex Ruimy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, so I've been waiting for my apartment to get quiet. I've been waiting for the construction to stop and for my cat to stop meowing, but I'm not sure that that is ever going to happen, so we're just going to go for it. I live in New York City. It's very loud. I apologize for that. But hello friends and welcome back to the Healthier Together podcast. This is episode three.

The Healthier Together podcast is all about coming together and sharing our knowledge to live healthier and happier lives. Each episode I'll have a guest, like a best-selling author, a world-famous doctor, an award-winning chef, a TV star, movie star, a celebrity hypnotist, and so much more. And we're going to talk about things like food, beauty, wellness, travel, meditation, and how to generally live our best lives. We're also going to get into dealing with the bad stuff that impedes us from living our best lives like feeling anxiety or suffering from chronic disease or, I don't know, being stressed at work, or any of those types of things dealing with grief, finding success, not

knowing what your life's purpose or passion is, all of these types of things. We're going to see how people who really have it figured out, deal with it, and learn from them. I'm excited to do that, certainly. Today, I have two, two amazing guests. I'm so excited to share with you. It is Nico Tortorella and Bethany Myers. They are a force together and apart. So, let's get into, we'll start with Nico. Nico is an actor and a poet. You might recognize him from TV Lands Younger, where he plays Josh, a super sexy tattoo artist, or his new book of poetry, which is all of it is you that just came out. And it is so, so, so beautiful. I have it by my bed. I read myself poems when I go to sleep at night. And they're funny and fun, but they're also

really resonant and kind of speak to how we interact with ourselves and the world at large. And I absolutely love it. I'm in awe of people who can write poetry. I've been a writer since I was five and I literally have never written one good poem. You just have to choose your word so precisely, and I find it very anxiety-inducing. But Nico did it. He did it beautifully, and I highly recommend you guys all check that out. I will leave a link to that in the show notes below. I fell in love with Nico when he hosted his podcast, which is called The Love Bomb. I don't think it's out anymore. He ended it, but you might still be able to find old episodes, but he basically interviewed humans that he loved about the concept of love and explored love, which is one of the most

important and simple and complicated things on the planet. I thought it was really beautiful and wonderful, which brings me to one of the humans that he loves, Bethany Myers. Bethany and Nico got married recently after being together for a very, very long time. Their wedding photos are insane. I will leave a link to them in the show notes below. Be sure to check them out. They are mind-bogglingly sexy. Bethany is amazing. She is the creator of the Become Project, which is an online workout platform that's designed to empower people through movement. I do the Become workouts. I love them. They're like 25 minutes long so you can actually fit them into your day. And they combine, I would say, I'm not a workout junkie, so I might get this wrong, but they combine,

I would say Pilates and yoga and like some Bethany secret sauce and there to fun music and you feel like it's truly the most effective workout you can do in that amount of time. Like you just feel stronger and you feel better in your body and it's amazing. So I'll leave a link to that below. Bethany's also just, she said something during this interview that has stuck with me since we talked. Basically, she said that women need to not love their bodies or their faces or how they look, but they need to accept it. And they need to look at themselves and be like, this is who I am and this isn't going to change. And I'd never thought about it before, but when I look in the mirror so often, I just sort of breeze

past the parts of my body or my face that I don't like. I like don't really look at my nose or my hips or my height. I'm really tiny and I'm always a little self-conscious about that. And then when I see myself in a photo, I'm like, oh, my God, am I really that short? Or does my nose really look like that? Or does my chin really look like that? And that's because I'm never really looking at those parts when I look in the mirror myself. So since Bethany said that, I've been taking an effort to really see myself.

And it feels easier than loving those parts, but just being like, no, those are mine. I'm going to have them forever. I need to acknowledge them. And I really, I loved it. I've been doing it since we talked. And I would love if you guys wanted to try that and just to see how that goes for you guys. So let me know. They, Bethany and Nico are in an open relationship. They're in a fluid relationship. They kind of have become the poster children for living lives according to their own terms in a label-free way. And so we get into that. I found it really inspiring. I think too often we go through our lives doing things because we feel like we're supposed to do them without really questioning why we were supposed to do them or who said that we

were supposed to do them. And Bethany and Nico have mastered the art of asking those questions why and more importantly, asking what they actually want to do. So I've taken a ton of inspiration for that, from that. And I hope that you guys find that same sort of inspiration in this episode. We talk about a lot of stuff in this episode. We kind of trace the path of their relationship through time and how it all started and the different ups and downs, which is really, really interesting. We talk about both of their struggles with body love issues and eating disorders.

We get into NICO's alcohol. and how that's affected his relationship with Bethany. We talk about how being married has impacted their relationship and also their secondary and tertiary relationships. We talk about how if they think most people would benefit from being in an open relationship. I am not in one, but I've always been curious about it. And I don't know if you guys know Esther Perel. She's a psychologist, but she often sort of preaches that it's very difficult for people to

stay in one long-term relationship forever. And I'm always just like, well, what's the best way with relationships? What will make us happiest? And this was one angle on exploring that. So I'm really, really, really excited for you guys to listen to this one. Be sure to stick around to the end because Nico reads an amazing poem that he wrote for Bethany about marriage and also one that he wrote for their future unborn child. So if you're looking to cry, this is a really good opportunity to do that. One final thing. For each of these podcasts, I'm really hoping that we can actually make real changes in our lives. I don't want to just listen to the episode and have it sort of fly away. So I've created a challenge for each episode.

I would love if you guys would do it with me. We can all do it together, get healthier together, see what I did there. You can find all of that on Instagram at Liz Moody and also the hashtag H.T. Podcast, H.T. like, healthier together. So come check that out. I'll have a challenge for every single episode. a really good one for this sort of first chunk of three episodes that I'm releasing. Also, I'm doing a giveaway for every single episode.

So I'm definitely giving away Nico's book for this one, but often it'll be just like things that people who I've been interviewing really love and it feels like they've changed their lives with it. So always check on Instagram for that at Liz Moody for the giveaway and the challenge for the week. And of course, if you love this episode, please, please subscribe and leave a review on iTunes, it's so important, especially at the beginning to help people find the podcast. And I'm so so grateful for every single review. And without any further ado, here is Nico Tortorella and

Bethany Myers. We'll see how it goes with me hosting versus the two. I'm very excited to get the other side of the seat. Have you done a lot on the other side? I mean, I've done a ton of interviews. I haven't done that many podcasts. I was on that whenever. I was on that whenever, that WNYC podcast a couple nights ago. It's a live show. Oh, cool. It was so much fun.

What, is it like a game show or something? No, it's Michelle. I can't remember her last name. That's embarrassing. Michelle something. She's a stand-up comedian. So she has like an opening set and then a couple guests

and it's just conversational. I always get so nervous when I watch comedy because I like want them to do really well. And if they're not doing well, I get like, yeah, very anxious for them. All right, so thank you guys for joining me today. You're two adorable dogs and your one kind of scary tiger. Were you involved at all in the stuffing of that?

I was not involved in the stuffing of that tiger. That is, in fact, a real tiger. Is it? Yes. It's been in my family for a little bit. My grandma gave it to me. Really? kind of collects taxes for me in Chicago.

She has an antique store. Okay, so that brings me to my first question, which is, do you guys come from kind of like a traditional backgrounds at all? Like, are your families... You both have gone very a traditional past in your life. Did you have encouragement for that? My family is less traditional than yours is, for sure.

But I think we both come from pretty traditional families in the sense of, like, the spectrum of the world. That being said, I grew up in a bar my mom owned a bar growing up and I mean she like got my ear pierced mine and my brother's ear pierced but we were in preschool because she like wanted us to be badass

oh my mom almost killed me when I pierced my belly button at 18 so I come from a very traditional background very like I felt like his family wasn't traditional although I think in a lot of ways they are but my family's super traditional My mom was the least traditional person in her family. And where were you growing up? In Chicago, northern suburbs of Chicago.

So was that kind of, was she like the cool woman in town? When she was younger, for sure. Yeah, I mean, I think like where I grew up specifically, I mean, I'm from a big Catholic Italian families and we were taught like not to really have friends. So my mom didn't really like have friends. Wait, because you're supposed to just rely on your family? Your family for everything, yeah. Oh, that's so interesting.

I have like no nuclear. I have like a tiny nuclear family, so it's like the idea of that is really appealing to me. I'm like, I should have this whole band of people that have to like you. Yeah, we all lived on the same block even. Oh my God, that's so fun. And then how old were you guys when you met? I was 17. He were 18.

He had just turned 18. You're a little older, right? I don't make back 20. You want to be like, he was definitely. Well, I was 20. Yeah, he wasn't like. still a senior in high school. We met in August of 2006,

and his birthday is at the end of July. Yes. So he had just turned 18, and I was 20. So you probably weren't used to be 18 yet. You still were like a 17-year-old at heart. He's still a 17-year-old at heart? What is age really?

Hashtag, younger. So who hit on him? I definitely hit on her for sure. Yeah. Did you like see her across the room? And you were like, oh my gosh, that girl. Yeah, pretty much. We were at a party in the South Loop in Chicago.

And we were playing beer pong, actually. And you were on the competing team. It was Olivia and I versus you and... Natalie. A little blonde one. Yeah, Natalie. And we just started having a conversation. You were trying to hook me up with Natalie all night long.

Yeah. And I was like... Wait, why? Was it the kind of thing where you like... I like this boy, so I'll flirt with him. No, I didn't like him at first. I had a boyfriend from St. Louis. Like, you know, we were, like, doing a long-distance relationship at that time.

And I, Nico is at the party. I remember all of the girls being like, this boy is so cute and, like, very husband. And I was like, I don't get it. Like, I don't, I, who? Like, which one? I wasn't very into. Such a great story, right? So how did you?

a persuader to be into it. Well, I mean, honestly, one of the first things she ever said to me was I have a boyfriend and I can never imagine myself with anybody else ever in my life. A bold statement for 20 years. I don't remember that. And for Bethany Myers. Well, and again, you know, at that time I was, I was coming from a small town. Like, I had just kind of hit Bright Lakes big city.

So I really only knew at that point kind of one way to live and what. one way to be in a relationship. And like one way the universe was created through creationism. Like she was like, I don't believe in evolution. That was the second thing that she said to me. And I was like, oh, this is going to be fun. And then, I mean, I think as far as persuading, I don't know that you were really persuading me, but we lived in our, you know, quote, dorm buildings.

We went to a city school. And our dorms were in just like an apartment building. So he was five floors up for me. and his roommate never showed up for college. So Nico had like a space all to himself, and it was like very cool. Your roommate, okay? Well, there's a story behind that, actually.

We kind of like fooled the school into thinking that I was going to have a roommate. My buddy, my best friend from high school, got into the same school, was planning on going. We said we were going to live together, and then last minute he pulled out and never came. So it was my friend that was supposed to be in that. So you orchestrated having a cool room.

Yeah, pretty much my whole life. And the second he assigned him a roommate, he moved out. Yeah. One Saturday nights, some kid came and knocked on my door. I was like, oh, I'm your new roommate. And literally by Monday, I was going to move out. Yeah. So when we first started hanging out, he would just invite me up to his apartment.

And I'd like hang out and do school work. Was it 8D or something? I don't know. idea. And were you doing that because you liked her? Or were you doing that because you wanted to convince her that evolution was real? Both. No, it's definitely that I liked her. I mean, I don't know, there's anyone that meets Bethany. There's just an energy about her in a light that it's just so bright. And I was just, you know. Drown to the light? Very much so drunk to it. Still out. Oh. Yeah. So at what point were you like, this guy is cuter than I thought? And,

At one point were you like maybe I won't marry my boyfriend from high school? Yeah, I would say like over a two-week period, it happened pretty quickly. So, I mean, Nico and I were hanging out, and he was just unlike a new person I ever met. And I talk about this often, but Nico was the first person that questioned me about some of my religious beliefs and some of my upbringing and did it in a non-threatening way. So before, you know, somebody would say, what? do you believe this? I'm like, that's what the Bible says.

Like, that's what, you know, like, that's what it is. That's what it is. And he would question me. And it was like the first time where I thought about it.

And I was like, I don't know. A lot of what I believe is simply because of what I've been told. So, so the relationship started like in a very almost spiritual way. Like he, you know, I remember him walking around the apartment with like a big bowl of salad and

eating it with, chopsticks and you know I came from this little small town like we ate chips and queso like i had you know i never met like a teenage or yeah a teenage boy that was eating a salad and i was so intrigued by him and um and and he sparked my imagination in a lot of different ways and slowly i begin to realize i had feelings for him and probably like within the first time of us hooking up. Like, it was a very tight crossover of, like, breaking up with my boyfriend and, like, hooking up with Nico.

There was a... Well, I mean, looking up, we just, like, made out. Yeah, but I don't think I broke up with him when we made out. When we made out. Then the first night we kissed was, like, great. Nico's mom had sent him, like, had snuck in all this, all these bottles of wine. And so he had a... Your mom is so cool.

Yeah, mom. Yeah, she is really amazing. I had a bong and all this two buck chuck. And so we had a night where, like, drinking wine and smoking weed. And all of a sudden, it wasn't us just, like, hanging out anymore. We were, like, sitting on the couch and almost kiss it. You know, like, were you almost coming for a kiss, and then you don't? You almost do.

And the first time when you kissed it was, honestly, it was magical. That sounds so cheesy, but it really was. And then was that it? Were you guys just like, we're going to date now? me. No, not at all. No. We, like, sort of dated for probably, like, a few weeks.

That was probably the only time we dated traditional. It was, like, this two weeks where we tried to, you know, standard date. And I was annoyed with him, and he was annoyed with me. What were you annoyed with? I don't even remember. I don't know. It just, like, we were just, like, trying to do this, like, very standard style of dating that I don't think at that time we knew that that didn't work for us.

us. You know, I mean, later we realized, but he called me one day and was like, I don't really think this is working. And I was like, is he breaking up with me right now? I was like, yeah, no, this isn't working. Like, I'm breaking up with you first sort of thing. And then, and then for a couple of weeks, we didn't talk at all, which was funny, because we had, you know, a lot of mutual friends in school. We didn't talk at all. And then one of our friends decided he was going to start this, like, production company. And he was going to throw these. He was going to throw these. like crazy parties and we were going to do flyers and like we're going to be the models for the flyers of this we were going to be the models for the flyers of this of this party so we like did a

makeshift photo shoot in the kitchen of our dorm and it was nico and i and i remember being so nervous because we hadn't spoken to each other and the shot was us very close to each other almost kissing but not kissing and we're like you know 30 minutes to an hour we had to choose us like, almost kiss, but don't kiss. And it was just electric. Like, electricity. We had to go find those pictures. They're so cute.

And, yeah, and then from there, we started sleeping with each other and just had, like, a casual, like, we're not really dating, but we kind of are. And we would be in a room together across the room, and people would be like, what's going on with you too? Like, it was incredibly magnetic from the beginning. But neither one of us, I would say neither one of us, really. wanted to act as the pursuer. So we both, you know, just played hard to get for a year. And we became really good friends fast. Yeah.

You know, that was like the biggest thing between the two of us. I mean, I just liked hanging out with her. And I remember one night specifically, because I lived on the north side of town. She lived out south side of Chicago. And I, she would come over to my spot because I had an apartment. still living in the dorms. And I had three roommates. She was coming over and like we would be having a lot of sex, right?

But then I was like, oh, do you want to come over tonight? We like ran into each other in the elevator. And she was like, like, I'm on my period. Like, I don't know if I should come over tonight. I was like, I don't fucking care. Like, we don't have to have sex to hang out. And that was kind of like the first time we were like, oh. It's something more.

It was the first time I ever went over and stayed. Yeah. And we didn't sleep together. And I was like, you can just come and be in my bed, you know? That was nice. So then how did it evolve from there? You're married now. 10 years in between.

12 years. 12 years. In between. Well, I think the first, like, big thing that happened after that is he called me before spring break. And he was like, do you want to go to Mexico? My mom found this trip, his mom, found this trip. found this trip, you know, like an all-inclusive, like,

an Apple vacation. Yeah, an Apple vacation. This is not branded, y'all. And I mean, at that time, the idea of me being able to go on a trip with a guy alone, and of course I have to get money from my mom was out of the question. Like there was no way that that was a possibility in my world. Did your family even know that you knew Nico at this point? Did they know you were having sex?

Didn't know I was having. It was never that type of conversation with doing a family. And I didn't tell my mom like, oh, I'm dating this guy. Like, I don't feel like I told her about you. She knows now. Yes. She definitely knows. Anne loves Niko.

And so anyway, I called my mom and I was like, a bunch of friends, you know, want to go on a trip. And I basically made it sound like we were going with all these people. Thank God it was before the world of social media, it wasn't like, you know, you didn't post. Like, you could get by with that. So, um, so anyway, she gave me some cash and we went on this trip and that's where we, I would say that's where we fell in love. Mm-hmm.

And ex-stop-up. Mexico? No, Batuka. No, it's X-Tapa. You're incorrect. It was definitely X-TOP on. I'll prove it to you. I have the ticket step.

All right. So we'll link the ticket step in our show. I hope to everyone. how right I am. Did you say that you love each other on that trip? It's a good question. No. There's no way.

Do you remember the first time one of you said that you love the other person? I couldn't tell you it specifically, but I'm pretty sure it was something like he said, well, you know I love you, right? And I was like, yeah, hi, I love you too, of course. And that was probably good. We also had our first four-sum on that trip to make a little. That was like when we really felt about each other. That wasn't our first person.

That was our second. Oh, yeah, it was our second. Wait, so what was your first person? And apologies to them for forgetting them on the time. The first one was very forgettable. And how did you even know that you guys were sort of open to that, especially you, Bethany? We were in college, you know? I don't know if you guys, a lot of people go through college without having any or not.

Fun facts. Yeah. Yeah, I don't. It was probably me driving the boat on that one. Yeah, well, the first one I wasn't happy about, like, I felt very uncomfortable afterwards. It's just like there's so many bodies and things. I don't know. Like, I feel like the next day I felt picky and it wasn't planned out.

It wasn't talked about. It wasn't done correctly. And so then in Mexico, I was like, we're going to do it. And this is my chance that I'm not going to be weird about it this time. And then I was the one that was the one that was very weird about it. Oh my God, I like crumbled that. It was like an older French couple. And did you like see them across the pool and you were like then?

Yeah, for sure. And you like kind of hunted them a little bit? It was, yeah, it was a dual hunt. Yes. And it just we, it was a lot of tequila. There was some weed involved and I just like had a anxiety attack, I think, halfway through. Half what you were already like fully involved? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What did you do? What does one do when they have a panacea? attack the middle of course of I honestly the way that our window of our hotel room was set up you could like walk out the window and you were like sitting on the roof of the second level and I went outside and I went to go smoke a cigarette I think and the other girl the girl this woman came outside and sat with me and we like had an hour long like life conversation while her and this old dude, we're in the shop. Oh, no.

So would you consider that one? Like, were you like, did you enjoy the experience of it back in the? I mean, I don't. I felt like, I honestly felt like I was kind of trying to make up for the previous time. Like, I was trying to be. Pupai. Do you want to be on the podcast too, Pupai? I mean, I mean,

I think the most important thing that came from that is just how close we got from the experience. You know, the next day we really had to be there for each other. And we were at an all-inclusive resort, so it's not like we could avoid these other two people, you know. And I was like fucking a mess about it, honestly. Do you know what triggered the kind of town? Oh, not really. You wanted me all to yourself. Yeah, probably.

Do you think it was because of like the depth of your feelings for Bethany? Yeah, it must have been for sure. And had you done before Bethany, had you done a lot of sort of multi-partner experience? No, no, definitely not. I mean, I had been with probably over 10 women, a few dudes. No, but nothing multiple. When was the first time you were with a guy?

When I was in high school. And did you, were you always comfortable with it as a possibility even coming from where you came from? No, I mean, there was definitely trauma built into it from my family. I mean, it was not something that you ever did. It was not something that was accepted. I mean, there was a lot of homophobia in my family. I mean, being Sicilian and, you know. Yeah, there was racism.

I mean, it was, you know, there was a lot. in my family and we were supposed to live a certain way, but I always just questioned all of that. And I mean, I remember the first time I even thought that like being gay was a thing. I realized that it was a thing. And I asked my mom, I was like, why would two guys or two girls ever be together? Like, they can't have babies. It doesn't make sense to me. I mean, obviously, to have sex is not to have a baby.

I'd be like that later on in life. But she freaked out and she was like, what are you talking about? Like two dudes holding hands is disgusting. saying like what like what I was like oh I'm definitely thinking about this a lot differently than you are so how did you I mean in high school how are you like I'm gonna think differently I'm fine with this um you know I had a good friend that I knew was like going through it and I wanted to like be there for him and I think that I I knew that I wanted to I wanted to explore but I also knew that he was going through it and I just opened myself up to it.

So he was struggling with the notion of whether he was attracted to men or not? Yes. And you guys sort of experimented together. Yeah. And were you immediately like this is something I enjoy or did you have sort of feelings of guilt or shame around it? Both, really. I mean, I think the next day there was guilt and shame built into it. But, yeah, I loved it.

It was great. I've always liked things that, like, I wasn't supposed to do, you know? I've always liked pushing boundaries and being explorative and, like, breaking rules. And that was a rule that I broke. Do you think that's part of your attraction to men, or your attraction to sort of a non-normative lifestyle, is that it's a rule-breaking thing? I mean, I think it's very multidimensional and layered, and I'm sure there's some daddy issues built into it. too.

Yeah, that's part of it. So you guys come back from Mexico. Nico's deeply in love with Bethany. Bethany's cleaned from her shower with and then are you guys like dating? Are you open relationship? Are you hanging out? Yeah.

I mean, we never called each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Ever. I mean, ever. I mean, there was maybe some times down the road where we used it to help. like explained to someone else, but to each other, those were never really labels that we used. And it was a relationship that we just didn't, we didn't ever have a talk and like define it. It just sort of lived. And I liked that and he liked that.

And then the next thing that happened was I got my own apartment. Two blocks from my apartment. Yeah, a couple blocks away. And he moved in with me for the summer. And then Is this, are you still in college at this time? Yeah, so I... This is all less than a year.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. So in March, we met in August. By March, we went to Mexico. By May, he moved in with me for the summer. And by the end of July, I moved to L.A. He moved to L.A.

To be an actor? Mm-hmm. Well, to go to school, I was at Columbia in Chicago, and I transferred to the Loyola Marymount in L.A. to a business program from art school, which was a terrible idea. Why did you do it? It was just a means to get to L.A. Okay.

So did you always know you wanted to be an actor? Yeah, I mean, I always knew it was just what I was going to do. I mean, I've had other plans that, you know, some have worked out, some have it. But, yeah, I mean, it was, I've just always known that it was going to be my life in one way or another. And then do you guys keep things going? So I think a good story for this is key. he was in L.A. and there was a guy that was in our friend group in Chicago. I would say that him and Niko were sort of like frenemies, you know?

They were similar in a lot of ways, very different. And this guy was like... First of all, I was not... I did not consider him a friend of me at all. He probably considered me a friend of me. I had no problem with Grant at all. Bethany's face might say otherwise. I mean, I think, whatever.

It's maybe a little subconscious. There was like, there was just like a little tension there. And so anyway, this guy was like my best friend. He was like kind of my brother friend. And he had a girlfriend that was like crazy jealous girl. And one night I had a party at my house and myself and this guy ended up hooking up and we slept together. And after I was like, nobody can know this. Like your girlfriend's going to be so upset like all this stuff.

And he ended up telling his girlfriend, his girlfriend called Nico. and told Nico. And even though Nico and I hadn't necessarily said we were exclusive, it was just, it was a moment for us of having to be like, okay, what is this and what's going on? And I remember Nico being upset and I remember crying in my kitchen. I ruined everything, you know, everyone, like, I ruined all of this. I've lost Nico.

I lost my best guy friend. I made her mad at me. And by that night, I want to say, Nico called me back and was like, I'm sorry, and you can do the things that you want. And he also had somebody there that he had been sleeping with. And it was kind of the first time where we were like, okay, we're across the country, but we have other relationships. And that's okay.

And it just made us stronger. Like it wasn't a thing. It was like, yeah, we're living across the country from one another. We're young. We don't have to be super exclusive, but we can still care about each other and respect one another and, like, do it the right way. And did you guys still, like, talk on the phone all the time? And were you sort of that's spreading to each other? We were never actually big phone talkers early on.

I don't remember. And would you fly out to visit? She came to LA a few times. I came to Chicago a few times, yeah. But then the next year, she moved to L.A. I moved. So I was sick of Chicago because it was freezing. and I didn't want to be cold anymore.

And I was like, I'm going to Los Angeles. I just graduated. And Nico is there. Did you know what you wanted to do in LA? I wanted to do public relations for an environmental firm. Okay. And so I went out. I didn't have a job, though.

I was so poor when I was out there. But I went out and I moved in with him and started job searching. And that was the second time we lived together. And that period of our life felt more like boyfriend and girlfriend. Like we didn't have other, you know, people around. But we lived together for a little while and started figuring out that time in our life. It's also when we went raw, too. So life was a lot crazier.

Raw food, I mean, raw foodists. Yeah, we were raw foodists. But that was the second year being raw. I didn't know you were raw foodists. Why did you guys do that just because it, like, felt like appropriate since you're in L.A.? My uncle's been raw for like 25 years. Oh, my God. And he was definitely my mentor in so many ways growing up.

I went vegan when I was in fourth grade. I have always done fringe things. And that was just part of it. It was like the next step. Did you guys like being wrong? You loved it so much. I did it for two years. I liked it the first year, the second year it became unhealthy for me.

Just in a restrictive, always-eemed food type of way? Yeah, yeah. And anyone that has any sort of eating disorder, going in doing something that extreme, can be. dangerous? I have always, I mean, well, not anymore, but I struggled so long with an eating disorder. And I think also, like, raw food kind of mimics religion in certain ways. Like, there's a lot of rules and, like, good and bad, and you can't cheat. Craved that since you sort of lost that foundation. One million percent. Yeah. Yeah, I definitely. I definitely craved it. And I still do that

sometimes. Like, I put a lot of, like, this is good and this is bad. And this, you know, and if you do bad, then you have to feel shameful and feel guilty. And so... But the thing about raw food, too, is like, if you're eating a raw diet, you're vibrating on a different frequency than everyone else is, right? The life force that you have is just elevated.

And it doesn't always match with the world that you're in. And we wound up, like, not having any friends that weren't raw. Like, having a really hard time spending time with people. people that weren't living the same way that we were. Right. And it was just really exclusionary. So when did you guys decide to move from L.A. in New York? L.O.

Well, there's a lot of stuff that happened between. I mean, this story is like. So then when we were in L.A., Nico got a role in The Beautiful Life, which was big. The Beautiful Life was the. It was a CW show with Misha Barton, Sarah Baxter. Yeah. I actually, so I was in Vegas once, and, you know, they have, like, test pilots where they'll ask you to rate them. And I was, they're like, we'll give you, like, a free pat-out if you do this.

I was like, oh, okay. No way. I rated the beautiful life. Shut up. I watched the pilot. I did it up. I did it. You must have gave it a one rating because it didn't, it did it last.

It got picked up. We were on for three episodes. We shot seven. It got canceled. Were you, like, a model? Yeah, but, I mean, there was a lot of messy people that were working on that show, and it wasn't. It didn't go over very well. We were going over budget a million dollars in an episode.

And Ashton Cushers, you know, it was his whole life story. It was just. Oh, really? Yeah. Was he involved? Yeah, he was an EP on it, yeah. And I was 19, 20, living in New York and partying and got, you know. So you moved to New York for the beautiful life?

Yeah. When I was 20. Were you like, this is my big break. Were you, like, so excited? Yes. Yeah, for sure. I definitely got too. Yeah.

I mean, I started making, you know, five figures an episode for a TV show. And I was getting paid to live in New York City. And I was hanging out with all the Gossip Girl kids. And, you know, everything was free everywhere. And drugs were getting handed to me. And yeah, it was like, it was the beautiful life, quite literally. And did that affect your guys' relationship at all? Well, yeah, because I started dating Sarah Paxson.

Yeah. So this time was probably really the only time that we didn't. like this is where we didn't have a relationship. I mean, I think there's other times where we've been with other people. We've dated other people and we still had a foundation that was there. During this time, we didn't have much of the foundation. And he kind of, he like left, you know? I mean, it happened suddenly that he moved and I knew right away he was gone.

And it was just kind of like, okay, that's what it is. So I started sleeping with your best friend. She, you know, there's a history of sleeping. sounds so bad. It wasn't your best friend. It just wanted to be close. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

So you guys weren't like on the rocks or anything, though, before you booked this part. It was just, like, we booked apart, moved to New York. No. And I think we'd kind of learned it from our previous experience in Chicago, you know, like, he went to L.A., and I was still in Chicago, and we sort of learned this thing, you know, we slept with other people, and it was kind of like, okay, like, that's, what it is right now. And not that it wasn't hard.

Like, I mean, for me, it was very hard. And I was, I was sad and I was hurt in a lot of ways. But it was also kind of like, okay, I'm not going to sit around and cry about this. And there's always been a place deep in my heart, whether I wanted it to be or not. And I went through, like, all of my own journals recently for his wedding present. And I scanned everything I'd ever written about him. And you can see this, like, places where I just, I mean, I hate him and I'm mad and he's away and he's gone and I'm like,

but I still love you and I know you're going to be in my life forever, like scribbled across the page. And I think that somewhere deep down, like I always, I did. I always knew that there was a bigger place for us in life. And I didn't know if it meant marriage or kids, but there was just no way we were leaving each other. And so through the hard times and the dark times that always stayed really prevalent, like you were going to be there. and if this is what you needed right now,

then okay, I'll take this time too. Do you have that sense, too, Nico, that, like, you guys were in it forever in some way? Yeah, I mean, there's something super cosmic about our relationship, and it's always been there. But at that specific time, I mean, I was 20 years old, and I was navigating, stepping into Hollywood for the first time, and what that really meant, and fame and celebrity

and, like, you know, being surrounded by people I've looked up to my whole life. and it was anyone that is in any sort of industry of fame at all understands that like it takes a few years a little bit to get acclimated with that type of world and I think that you have always been pretty gracious about like letting me explore different worlds and vice versa, you know?

But the thing that comes with that celebrity world is like some sort of public persona and you know, I mean I remember the first time there were like paparazzi pictures of me and Sarah holding hands and like the thoughts of you seeing them was like, ugh. Did you see them? Yeah. Like organically?

No, I'm sure. I searched. And I'm not a... Did he call you and would be like... No, no, no, no. But I remember seeing something one time and I made a commitment. I was like, I will never look this up again. I'm really not the kind of girl who, like, goes through people's social media.

You know, like, if I break up with you, like, I'm not going. to your page often and looking. I just don't put myself through it. So I really dove into my work life. That was when I started teaching at a megaformer studio. I was managing a studio. And that sort of became everything. So it ended up being really great for me because that's what I needed.

Like the space to become yourself. Yes, become. I love you. Just slip that in there. Yeah. And I do think that, you know, there's, like I think age played a lot. little bit of a role here in helping me because Nico was two years younger. I mean, I don't think about that anymore. But at that time, you know, we were, what, two and a half? So I was like,

but you were 20. I was 23. Like, it was a little bit like, he needs to go. He's younger. I can wait for that. You know, I think like that age gap felt bigger at that time. So when did you guys sort of come back together? Well, then there was Texas and then there was Brooklyn. There's been two... Well, we came back together in Texas. Yeah. Did you guys live in Texas? She did.

I did. And he just came in a visit. In Dallas. Austin? Austin, Massachusetts. Do you know what movie that's from? No. Come on.

You know what movie that's wrong? Babe, they don't know the movies. Oh. Road trip for days. Keep going. I'm sure a lot of people are listening to this. I'm a joke. Everybody at home is laughing.

I don't know. I got. I got. Yeah, so I was in Dallas. Well, I went through for work. I ended up being in a toxic place in L.A. I had a toxic boss. I was in a toxic, emotionally abusive, started to become physically abusive relationship.

I had a severe eating disorder. I was maybe 90 pounds. And there was an instructor of mine that taught at my studio that was going to Dallas to open up first boutique studio in Dallas and she asked me to come help her and I needed a way out. I was like at the end and so I left and I went there. I thought I was only going to be there for like three to six months but we took off and I ended up being there for almost three years like two and a half years. Did you like it? I loved what it did for my work and I think there's amazing people in Dallas. At the end of the day I felt stifled. You know it came a point where I didn't feel creatively

challenged and that's when I moved to New York. But in Dallas, Nico and I reconnected. I fell in love with Dallas way more than you did. Yeah, he loved Dallas. I still love Dallas. And were you still in the relationship with Sarah when you reconnected? Or did you break up and then you were like, I wonder what Bethany is up to? No, yeah.

Sarah and I broke up. Who did I start dating after Sarah? I have no idea. They were, I mean, Sarah and I were together for like three years. Wow. Yeah, there was only six months of your relationship with her where I feel like we didn't talk at all. Okay. Like there was a, there was like a six month period where I was like, I am not answering the phone.

In fact, I changed his name in my phone. It used to be like Italian lover or something really cheesy. And I was like, I'm not answering my phone anymore, so I'm going to change it to It's You. So when it calls it'll just be it's you, you know? Now his name in my phone is still it's you, but it's like cute. It's like, it's you, you know? But at that time, it wasn't that. I started dating my first boyfriend, really.

And we were all drinking a lot at that point in our lives. And I was like, I was filming this movie in Santa Fe, New Mexico. And it was like right when I started talking to Lindsay to. And it was just like a messy little bit of time. And Bethany was like my rock that was in Texas. And I could, she was like an escape for me. I could leave every part of my life that I had kind of, I have built this like, Like, you know, not the healthiest of lifestyles in L.A.

And I could leave it all behind and go spend time with Bethany. And we kind of got healthy together, you know? healthier together? Healthyer together. Yeah. Did you, were you nervous at all since you were sort of in the public eye more at that point about dating a man? Yeah. I mean, my first relationship with a dude was not the healthiest at all.

I mean, I was his first dude experience, and we, we like never really called each other boyfriends. And it was, it was years of like playing this game and we lived together. And my family didn't know, but he spent a lot of time with my family. And it was like, oh, you guys are best friends, but only some people, like, knew what was actually going on. and I wasn't good to him and he wanted more. And I mean, I still feel terrible about it to this day about some of the things that happened.

But, you know, we were navigating what a same-sex relationship looked like for the first time at the same level. And, you know, he definitely had a huge problem with me, like, leaving all the time and going to go hang out with you. And do you, would you guys, when you guys are in relationships with other people, will you guys talk to each other, like best friends about that relationship? Or no. No. I think during that time we did. I mean, I knew about him. And I mean, I was in Dallas.

I was sleeping with anything that came my way. I was just, I mean, really living with women. Not women. Well, a couple. And men, I mean, I got pregnant. And that was, well, that was like the biggest turning point for our relationship. relationship because Nico came down and I had an abortion and Nico stayed with me through that entire time and was there.

I had dealt with my own abortion a couple years prior. And then he was there for me and it was kind of a moment where it was like, okay, we've been through all this stuff and like that was really coming out of our darkest time. And yet here's this person who I haven't talked to in six months who's dropping everything and coming and staying with me for three weeks and just being there. And I was like, this is what love it. Like, this is what it is, you know? Art of traditional.

Yeah, it was just like, no matter what, like I knew at that moment that we had something forever. It was really telling. And so he, I mean, obviously knew that I was sleeping with other people and, you know. That's before. Right. Exactly. And he was just, he was just so good. And I think that just sort of laid the foundation for us.

And we continued to let the other person have relationships. We didn't live close together. Like, I've never been interested in having a long distance relationship. We've actually, like, historically loved being in long distance relationships because of the freedom that it gave both of us. Yeah. For the two of us, we liked our type of long distance relationship, but not, like, a traditional, you know. But at that point, you guys were, like, pretty much together, like, talking all the time. and sleep together when you were together,

but you had the freedom to do whatever you were together. Exactly. And did you move to Brooklyn together then? Yeah, well, I was living in Brooklyn to shoot the following. You went first. Yeah, and then you came after. And then he moved to New York, and I was like, I got to get out. Like, I'm done at Dallas. I was like, let me come and move in with you.

I think I was like, come to New York. Maybe. Yeah. And I remember us having a conversation. He was like, but, you know, I may sleep with some guys sometimes. And I was like, okay, well, I may sleep with some people too. Yeah, so with your guys' open relationship outside of each other, do you guys only sleep with same-sex people? No. I do not. I don't really believe in gender, A, so I've been attracted to people in the entire spectrum, from, you know, cis dudes to trans folk to, I mean, the whole spectrum, really.

I don't. I wouldn't sleep with another guy. because I'm just not attracted to them. Do you feel like you're primarily attracted to women, and then Niko's almost the exception to that role for you? Yes. What is it about women if you do sort of see gender in that way? Like, what do you like about being in relationship with women? Yeah, there's something very soft about a female.

I mean, I think as far as, like, being able to hold, their hand or like cuddle up next to someone or um i i really enjoy a female energy um i don't know if it like has to do with trust or calm down over there um i don't know if it i don't know if it has to do with trust or exactly what it is but i mean i can't imagine like going on a date with another guy although i could definitely imagine that with with females the first time that i was really with women and was exclusively dating women. That was a time where I was like, oh, I get it. Like, this makes more sense to me.

This feels right. Like, these are more of the feelings that you're supposed to have. How old were you when you had your first experience of women? I was my first experienced woman. I was probably 25. But I didn't start dating women and being open about it. And, like, until I was 27. than 27.

And were you, did you have feelings of like guilt or shame? Or by that point in your life, were you just sort of open to whatever. Oh, yeah. All the guilt, all the shame. I mean, you have to remember growing up, I, you know, I was very much under a belief system that if you're, if you're gay, it's because you're very, very sinful. You've fallen so much into sin that this is like your punishment. And you're going to hell. And you're going to hell and there's just nothing right about it and there's something wrong with you.

And I mean, you know, it was, I went to a Christian school and a church and girls weren't allowed to wear pants. We only wear skirts. And, you know, it was like it was very large. I used to knock on people's doors and go witnessing like, are you going to heaven or hell? Like that was my life. So, I mean, I think that oftentimes I still struggle with guilt and shame. And now it's recognizable, so I understand what it is, but that doesn't necessarily make all the feelings go away. Like, it's still hard for me to navigate some of those things, if I'm being completely honest.

So why do you think you were so much more open to it than so many other people? Like, was it meeting people like Niko who you were like, okay, this is okay? Like so many people grew up with that kind of background and then remain completely close for their entire life. Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, I was very much so a through line to a lot of that world. Definitely. And then, you know, I mean, something in me just hasn't been able to follow the rules either, as much as I can see myself sort of being like in the box and this and that.

I mean, I've shaped my head. I've grown up my armpit hair. I've just, you know, dated different people. Like, I've moved to a lot of cities. I think that that even just in and of itself, being from a smaller town, like, you know, girls don't just go away and move wherever they want, like whatever city sparks their interest. At the end of the day, it's putting yourself first, right?

And not really... Yeah. It's not that you don't care, but it's like putting your priorities over how other people are going to see you and feel about you and think about you. And at some point, it hurts more to fake it than it does to be real about it. Yeah, and that's inherently spiritual, right? Like that is a first step in some sort of spiritual practice. when you take a look in the mirror and you're like, okay, this is who I am, this is what I want,

and I'm not going to let anybody else's beliefs get in that way. And I'm going to explore it and seek and, you know, be happy. Like, that's so beautiful. And I think that we've always encouraged that in each other way past our sexuality and our gender identity and everything. We just want to see each other grow, involved, and change and be dynamic and fall and get back up. that, you know, our sexualities are just one little sliver of that. All right. Let's take a brief break so I can introduce you to one of my favorite products on the planet.

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to see for Bethany like over the course of the rest of her life in that way? I mean it's more what I like it's probably easier to answer what I don't want to see, you know? I want to see her do whatever she wants to do. There are no restrictions really. As long as she's like taking care of herself and she's not hurting anybody else, I fully support any decision. And what do you want to see for Nika? Yeah, same thing. When did you get sober?

Three and a half. Yay. This is when everything gets good. Yeah, pretty much. Three and a half years ago. It's just sober from alcohol. Alcohol was, like, my real issue. And was it, like, a one day you woke up and you were like, I can't do this anymore?

Are you part of that, Bethany? Yeah, I mean, I, yeah, actually, like, I was a binge drinker. I would go on, you know, three, four day, just full excursions from life. And the final one was in L.A. And I was just a mess. And my whole family was involved. Like everyone knew it was a big issue. Nobody at work knew it was an issue.

But, you know, the closest people in my life knew. And I called Bethany. I was like, I have to get out of here. I have to come to you. I have to come to you. And I flew. I don't even know how I got on that flight. Honestly, I like, I didn't even pack your bag.

Were you fucked up at the time? Oh, yeah. I mean, I had like an empty. bag that I like brought to the airport with me. I lost my passport. It's kind of symbolic. Yeah. And I showed up at Bethany's house at like probably six o'clock in the morning. I took a red eye from L.A. and I was just hysterically crying. And I crawled into bed and she had to go to work that morning and I stayed in bed all day. And Bethany's ex-girlfriend was still living in that apartment too, a girlfriend at the time. And we woke up that morning and we went to Ginger Snaps.

I got a seven-day juice cleanse, and I got, I'm going to say this off record for a second. What's Marianne Williamson's books called? And I bought, and so I got the juice cleanse, and I bought A Course of Miracles, and I just, that was it. And I just started working, and I haven't had to drink since. Was it excrued? I mean, the first we thought alcohol was supposed to be, like, one of the most excruciating withdrawals that you couldn't go through. Yeah, it wasn't the first time I had gotten sober.

I mean, I had a, I've had my experience getting on and off drugs and alcohol. And, yeah, it was really, really, really tough, though. I don't know why I'm so close to my like, sorry. So did that make your relationship better to, had it been an issue in your relationship, your drinking? Yes. I mean, because, well, when he would drink a lot, I would drink a lot. I mean, I still drink, but if I want to get out of control with alcohol, I very easily can.

And if I'm around people or dating people that are addicts, I tend to become more addictive. And I've definitely dated a lot of addicts in my time. So when he was drinking, I was like, I would just, you know, try to get more drunk than he was. So that way it was like, you know, you just didn't have to deal with it or like think about it. or you could kind of stay on track or something. And during those times, like, we definitely did hurtful things to each other where we didn't, we just did hurtful things because we were really fucked up. We don't really talk about those times.

Can you guys talk about something, like a fight you would have or something? Because you guys just seemed so enamored with each other. And I don't know, I feel like no relationship can be as perfect as you guys. Oh, good. Honestly, I mean, what it comes down to is we were both hurting ourselves. And when that happens, we weren't respecting ourselves. We weren't respecting each other. And we probably took our own, like, self-loathing out on each other so much.

I mean, me probably more than her. I would do it in secret. You would do it in the open. Like, I would, like, I mean, at that, during this time, we, it wasn't, like, quite said as an, quote, open relationship. We didn't have rules. We didn't have things figured out. So he would maybe sleep with somebody or go off or be making out. And I would come over.

I'd be, what the fuck? And try it's a, you know? Or, like, ask somebody to marry me. And there was, like, paparazzi pictures of it the next day. Yeah. Like, I didn't just. Yeah. Stuff that was, it was no good.

And at that point, I would get, you know, I mean, I have a, I have definitely a temper and a fiery side. if you cross me and it came out and it would just be a lot of... The only real fights we've ever had had been when we're both black out drunk. And, you know, alcohol is so terrible in that way. It can bring out the absolute worst in people. And I'm not the type of sober person that's like, everyone should be sober.

I hate alcohol. I love alcohol. And I think it's a beautiful, beautiful thing for so many people. But like, it brought out the worst in me at times. And, you know, it had its effects on our relationship. Yeah. But so many worse things could have happened. The fact that we stayed safe, that nothing bad actually ever happened, that I never got arrested, that I never hurt anybody.

Like, we've always been so divinely protected. And it's just been recognized. Like, we've always just been okay. So even when you were drinking a lot and partying a lot, did you still feel like you were on this sort of like spiritual life journey? Were you still open to that? Well, yeah, for sure. I mean, you know, like the shaman belief is you have to hit the bottom

to realize what the top is. But would you have said something like, the shaman belief is this at that point? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Still very spiritual. Yeah, it's...

I don't know that. At the time, we really recognized what a problem it was, you know. And looking back now, it's like, oh, my God. But at the time, it was just, I mean, we were two kids living in New York, like, going crazy and having fun. Like, I didn't really have any responsibilities outside of my work, and I was working two days a week, and I was getting paid ton of money to live in. I took two classes a week at SLT where no one came. You know, like when I first came here, it was terrible. So we could go out on a Tuesday.

We could go out on all the time, you know? city harbors addiction. It's like, you know. And especially also, I feel like the Hollywood and like film scene here has its. And it's free. Like, you know. And you don't have to drive. You know, like it's, how did your sort of, I assume you get recognized on the street and stuff like that now?

How did that affect your guys' relationship? Like the virgining sort of fame or like the fact that you're dating people. that you're getting packed with, would that be, would you get more annoyed when he's dating, like, Lindsay Lohan than some person you've never heard of? Well, I also have my rounds with Lindsay Lohan, so I think that was even good. What were your rounds with Lindsay Lohan? You know, we had, like, a few nights. You got two.

Chills. Yeah. Chills. Sure. And would it always be like that? Like, is that one of the ways you would deal with jealousy is you just come, and get in on the thing? Yeah, well, that wasn't with you.

If Nico did something, I would find something else to do. It was that simple, you know, whether or not he knew about it, just to, like... But I would always find out about it years later when, like, Bethany, when I would always tell Bethany

exactly what was going on in one way or another. It was very much so, like, public information, everything that was happening. And then, even still in this day, I'm finding out shit, it was like, bitch, really?

What do you know? Got to have a secret. But it's funny because we often get asked that question, like, did, you know, celebrity or did I in the public change a relationship in any way? And I really don't, I don't feel like it did at all. Do you think it's weird how people react to him? No, he's like, the sweetest, I love. of, you know, his fans

when they come up on the street because he's always so nice and I want to take pictures. Like, I think it's very cute. The only time I hate it is when it's cold outside and I want to go inside and he's like standing out there taking a thousand pictures.

Or when we like land in Peru after a 12-hour flight and we had like gotten into some sort of tip going through customs and this girl comes up to us and for literally 20 minutes would not. And Bethany and I were like on opposite ends of the security.

She was drunk. She was like, I love you guys. Can I take a picture? And I was like, no, it's really not a good time. Like, we've been traveling for 12 hours. But at the end of the day, like, we both really love the community of people that we have. Like, I don't even want to say fans. Like, it's a community of people that we really appreciate and love and speak too often. And they're inspired by, you know. And they're inspired by, you know, dogs. Yeah. Yeah. Susan. And, you know, but the thing, like, The thing about whatever it is that we're doing and what our message is, it's so much about the process and the journey, right? And the people that are watching our lives, that are consuming our lives in any shape or form are part of that process. And, like, it wouldn't exist without them, you know? So, I don't know, there's just a level of respect that we have for our community

that, like, a lot of people that have fans don't even. even recognized. They're just, they're, they're part of the story. Do you want to be? We're the same people really at the, at the end of the day. We don't put ourselves on this platform and like are speaking down to people. Like, I would say we look up to people and talk to them more than we look down to people. Do you want to be famous? Like, is that being like, you know, hugely known? Is that of interest to either of you? You want to be like, Bethany Myers, everybody knows Bethany Myers. You want to be Nico and everybody like knows you.

I mean, I think that's a loaded question. I think it's like famous for what, right? Yeah. Growing up, I, yeah, I mean, I wanted to win Oscars and win Grammys and, you know, be famous for that. And at this point in my life, like, I don't really care about Hollywood. I don't really care about having the accolade. like I want to be known as like being a good person that inspires people.

And if fame comes with that, awesome. But like I would be just as happy with 20 people, you know, as I would be with 20 million people. And as long as like my work always recognizes me and I am living comfortably and can do the things that we want to do and have a family and take care of each other. I think everything else will just fall into place. It's never, the older I get, the less famous I need to be, but probably the more famous I'll be getting because of it. Yeah. Do you feel similarly? Yeah. I mean, I think, you know, obviously as of late, there's been a lot more exposure on my end, and I'm building a business and in the community, and there's like, it is different to, you know, I mean, I've walked down the street and also have somebody come up

And that has been a little different for me. I seem like a super open person in a lot of ways I am, but I'm very particular about what I choose to share to be open with in every other respect. I'm a very private person. Like if we go out on a one-on-one day, it takes a long time to break down walls. But I mean, I feel like Nico as far as like having more recognition, it's not about being famous at all, but it is about being able to share a positive message that a lot of people can receive. And so the more people that you have that know you,

then the more your message gets out. And I think we both have really important messages that we want to share and learn and grow and an idea. Not like we have all the answers and we want to tell people, but there's a, when you have people that will listen to you and you're able to say good things. What do you think your message is? I mean, I think it's about visibility right now and really responsibility. I think that, you know, because of who we are and what we look like and our straight passingness and our white skin and, you know, I mean, all of that comes with a responsibility to stand up for things that are greater than ourselves right now in 2018. You know, the world is living in some trying times. And we have platforms and we have to use them, not only for ourselves and for other people.

How do you think the fact you're both obviously very physically attractive people? Do you think that that made you feel freer to kind of live a nonconformist life? Because everybody's responding to you so well just based on how you look forever. Of course, yeah, it's privilege. Yeah. I mean, I don't think it was conscious back in the day. Did you always know you were good looking? Yes.

Did you always know you were good looking? Yeah, it was pretty. I mean, I think I got hotter as I got older. As you became more of, like, who you were. Yeah, you know, exactly, becoming more of who I am and just kind of stepping out. But I very much so represent, like, the stereotypical, like, beauty of... Well, and your past is that often. Yeah, for sure.

You're so handsome. I mean, even just, like, mathematically. You're very symmetrical. Yes. Beauty is math, really. Yeah. So what do you, I mean, do you like the fact that you've been recognized and like, do you, is there a part of you when you're cast in a show like the beautiful life?

Yeah. And they're like, you're a model. Are you like, I'm a model? Yes, well, of course. Of course. I mean, it has its ups and its downs. Like, what are the downs of being incredibly beautiful? Oh, my God.

Please share. I mean, I've been told I've been too good looking for roles before. I mean, that sounds obnoxious, but it's true. Actually, a lot of folks. A lot of roles. And also, like, you don't, historically, you don't take people seriously that are very attractive, right? And now that I'm moving into more of the lit world or the academia world, like, I have to fight for my voice rather than what I look like. and in a way that is different for other people.

Like, people don't take me seriously all the time. I mean, I just came out with a book of poetry. And people like, oh, some hot white dude just came out with a poetry book, like, fucking jerk off on my face. But, like, actually, there is, you know, there's real work in that book that is so much more than fetishizing my body in my face. I mean, I was thinking about this earlier in this conversation when I said that I don't really believe in gender, you know,

it's like when you're house hunting, okay? I don't know why this metaphor came to me, but when you're house hunting, like, curb appeal, right? It's important. It's on the list, but it's not on the top of the list. Like, you can see a house from the outside, and you're like, okay, yeah, but the second you get into the house,

then is when you can, like, really start to feel how you feel about the house. And once you're in the house, the outside of the house doesn't really matter. And I'm way more interested in being in the house than I am being out of the house. But a lot of people won't go in the house unless it's beautiful from the outside. Right, yeah.

And I think that's problematic. It's like how do you get the people in the house in the first place? You start in the house. You blindfold them and... Well, I mean, that's really a big part of the message that is on my platform and we have some crossover in our message, but we have a lot of crossover.

But a huge thing for me is helping people feel better about their bodies and not living in this perfectionist bubble where beautiful is only one thing. And I think beauty is very much determined by yourself. And in that sense, like, it does start inward and go outward, you know. And I think so many people are just really concerned, are stuck on this one idea of what beautiful is. And a huge thing for me. me is being able to recognize your beauty in so many other aspects. And like what? Like, you know, I'll use boobs for an example.

I have no boobs. I don't even own like a regular bra because none of them fit me. And for the longest time, I just thought it was terrible. I was self-conscious. I wore a push-up bras. Like, you know, every swimsuit I had had to have ruffles on the boobs because that's how you look. You know, that's what the magazines tell you how to make it look like you have more chest.

And when I met Nico, he was like really into small boobs. And I thought that that was so strange. And I was like, wait, he's attracted to this. And it was a moment where I was like, not everyone has this one idea of beauty. And you're quite distracting. You know that? It's hard for Nico to sit still. It's very difficult for Nico to sit still.

It's very difficult for Nico to sit still. So anyway, that was a moment for me when I, like, opened up and realized that that beauty can be a lot of different things. And I want more people to see that. How do you think people, like, is there something that you could tell people that would make them feel beautiful themselves when every bit of media they're bombarded with is like, this is what beauty is, this is what beauty is? I mean, Bethany's creating media that changes the narrative.

Yeah. Do you think it's the subtle messages, though, that you're able to share when you're sharing become? Or do you think, like, how do you think that that shift happens for people? Well, I think that one of the biggest, one of the most important things is to look at yourself and really see yourself for where you are there and not trying to change it in that moment. Like, I think there comes a place where you have to look in the mirror and be like, these are my. thighs and these are my lumps and I have cellulite and that may not go away. Like and really see yourself and be like this this is who I am. This is what I look like. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to improve upon, right? But there is something wrong with

not being okay until you're improved. And I think that's a very big distinction that we have to make. And, you know, I think of women, who have had babies and their stomachs, like your body for most people is not highly unlikely that it's going to go back exactly how it was pre-baby. Because you had a baby. Like things changed. You had this thing in her stomach. Your hips got wider.

Your vagina got stretched. Like maybe your stomach got cut. But that doesn't mean that there can't be another version of yourself that's still just as good. And we have to start seeing real bodies represent. in media and on social media and in marketing and advertising. Like that, that has to happen. Should we just gain a bunch of weight? You and I?

Would you be comfortable? Like, are you, as somebody who had an eating disorder, are you nervous at all about getting pregnant and what that will do to your body? Oh, she's going to look the cutest in the whole world, preggers. I'm very excited to be pregnant. I'm really excited for the experience.

I think it's magical thing that females have that we can carry life. I think it's absolutely fascinating. I'm really excited for the birthing process for whatever reason. I'm just like I'm excited to experience it. And I think coming from my past of eating disorders, I am, there is a part of me that's nervous about my body changing. So that's something I consistently work on now.

And, you know, when I fluctuate a few pounds, there's moments and I'll talk to Nico about this where I'm like, I don't feel my best. And I know that this isn't what I preach, but I'm still sitting. her and saying this and, you know, and then it's... I'm the same way, too. Yeah, and Nico's the exact same way. I mean, now I pull you out of more than I feel like you pull me out of. Out of just wanting to look at body life?

Body love, yeah. And do you feel like that your job and your job? For sure. Makes that much harder. Yeah, of course. Yeah. I feel like I feel great about myself until I take a picture of myself and think about sharing it publicly and I'm like a...

And then we have such a hard, yeah, and that's... And a huge part of that is because we don't. often see real pictures that aren't just, you know, face-tuned. But then you almost have the urge to be part of the problem because you're like, well, I want to look beautiful in that way to the world. Right. Are you guys going to keep having the sort of same open relationship when you have children? I guess we'll figure it out.

Yeah, we're kind of taking it by, you know, just day by day. There's no rules, there's no laws, there's no restrictions. And we're figuring it out. Yeah. I mean, this is the first time we've been married, right? Yeah. Yeah, how was being married? You guys got married?

How long has it been now? It was March 9. Month. Almost exactly. If you haven't seen their wedding pictures, I'll link them in the show notes, but they're the most stunningly beautiful pictures ever. Thanks.

The matching gowns for that wedding. Do you guys feel different at all? Yeah, I mean, the biggest difference for me is just the response from other people. you know, any married couple will be so quick to be like, oh, how long have you been married? This is how long we've been married. This is what it is. This is what it is.

And I don't know, but we, I mean, I feel the same with you. Yeah. I mean, I think that there's a, the getting married for us because we have this very solid foundation, I think it just solidified the foundation of who we are. And it's like, okay, like we have a life that we want to make together. you're the person I want to do that with. I don't feel like it's changed anything, you know, as far as like dating other people or any of that.

Like that still. I mean, how it has changed dating other people is that now we're going into any secondary, tertiary relationship with the information that, okay, we are established as married now. We are recognized by the state and the country as married. And, you know, it changes the amount of energy. that we have available for somebody else, not necessarily the amount of energy that we have available, but the amount of energy that somebody else will see in us as available.

Nobody can come into our relationship now and be like, oh, like, I'm going to, I'm going to marry Nico. Like, I'm going to take Nico away from Bethany and I'm going to marry Nico. Like, okay, like, we're already married now, you know? That's interesting. And, you know, because we didn't always understand what our relationship is, and there's times we've dated other people and we've done. definitely hurt them or misled them or, you know, I mean, we haven't always been perfect in this,

that's for sure. And I always say there's also not a lot of role models to look up to. Like, I mean, there's, I don't really know any public relationships where this is happening. So, so we're figuring it out. And that's something that I, that I think that marriage will help us with is almost helping other people that we date. So it's more, so it's more clear. Do you guys get nervous at all? I know that like when Hollywood couples break up that people think are so perfect together, people freak out. Like a...

Channing. Yeah, Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum, everybody's like, well, it's dead. And you guys are sort of putting yourselves up as this role model for this particular kind of relationship. Does that put an extra pressure on your relationship? No, we're never going to get divorced. I mean... When we got married, we actually asked the lawyer if we could say, sign a document that said we're not allowed to get divorced.

Instead of a pre-nup. They're like, that's not legal. It's why divorce exists. Right. But I, you know, I told me, I was like, even if we hated each other and we didn't want to be together, like, you're just going to move to L.A. for a while. But outside of divorce, the fact that you have tons of people looking up to you and thinking that you guys have the answers for how to be in this relationship, does that, are you guys

like we need to figure out how to do it really well so we can like share that with the world. No. I mean, if we represent like perfection to people all of the time, then it is so wildly flawed. And it goes against everything that we stand for. Like we are going to fall. It's inevitable. And we want people to see it, you know. We're going to share it.

And we're going to keep being honest about who we are and what we represent. to each other and that's where real change comes from. Like, I'm not, I'm not worried about it. I'm not excited about it, but like, I think we're ready for anything that comes. We've been through 12 years of a relationship already. We've been through every form. I mean, I'm sure there's other stuff that will come our way, but, you know, we've done the work. We're prepared.

Do you think that most people would benefit from being in an open relationship? No. Not necessarily. How do you know? I think yes. Do you? Yeah, I think yeah. Why?

Well, I personally believe in. I think that monogamous relationships are great for a lot of people, but I think most people have them because that's the only story that they know. And I think that if we really looked outside the box of what relationships are and how they can be defined, I think that we would, that an open relationship actually makes a lot of sense. sense in a lot of ways because a monogamous relationship or standard of marriages really teach you like you found this one person and you're going to get everything that you need from them. And I personally think that that's highly unrealistic to believe in any type of relationship

that you can have one person that you can get everything from, one best friend that's going to be there for all different needs. Like the best friend that you call when you're really sad and then the best friend that you call when you want to go out. And like I think that, you know, the one that you would call for something funny, like I think that even in our friendships, we can sort of have these different places and you know what you use those friends for, not using friends, but like where they kind of fit. And I believe that, you know, romantic relationships can be the same. Yes, I'm going to add some on this, but I think plenty of people can be.

in monogamous relationships and still have a handful of best friends that they can go to for other things, right? Yeah, they think their primary partner isn't fulfilling. But I think that what makes our relationship different is that sexually, we, romantically, we both are interested in more than one thing, you know, and we celebrate that in each other. But I think I understand the spectrum. And from asexual to polyamorous, like, it all exists. And some people don't need that, which is why I'm saying that I think monogamy totally

works for some people. I think there's a big fear, at least for me personally. And I think with a number of people, though, that, like, you want to feel like you're enough for somebody. I feel like my life goal is to feel like I'm enough in some way. and for me getting married was confirmation that, like, at least in one tiny way in my life, I'm enough for a person. And I think it's really scary to admit that that's not true.

Well, do you feel like you're enough for yourself? No. Working on it. Well, I think that's where it all comes from, right? Yeah. That is the only relationship that you should always be working on, no matter what. How do you do that? Like, pragmatically speaking.

You just put yourself first always. And just, do... If you do the work... on yourself, then you will be doing the work on your partner. It just is going to happen automatically. And I think that that is something that we allow each other. You know, I was, I did this fashion show yesterday for Nico Panda, and I was with all of these, like, incredible young queer folk that, like, are prominent public figures.

And there's this, this deaf trans kid named Chella that I was having this conversation with. And he's only a year and a half into his relationship with his girlfriend. and their relationship is very public. They're fucking beautiful. I love everything they're putting out right now. And he was asking me, he was like, how do you guys do it? How have you done it for so long? And my response was like, if you can figure out how to be alone together, then everything

else falls into place. Like, allow that space for each other. Allow yourself to be your own energy all of the time and let your energy play with your partner's energy. It doesn't always have to become one energy. It can and it's really beautiful when it does. But if you don't have time for your own energy and your own person and your own beliefs and your own work, then everything else is going to fall apart. And that always no matter what has to come first.

I have a few questions that I ask everybody that I'd love to hear your guys' answers to. So what do you guys think is the best way to spend 20 minutes every day in the name of like living your best life? In your underwear? I really like being naked. Those are two different. I like you being naked, too. You're being fully naked? You like being fully naked?

I guess in my underwear. I'm always in my underwear in my house. Not always. What are you talking about? You're naked a lot. Yeah. I mean, if we did this at her house, she would,

100% would have walked downstairs naked to like, I'm not dressed yet, and wouldn't have said anything to you at all. And I would just have been like, okay, well, Bethany, Myers, ladies gentlemen, this doesn't even

think about it. So I made a miscalculation. That's funny. We're talking about this right now. I'm sorry. But we're talking

about being married and being together for 12 years. And then I just said at Bethany's house. Like, fact, we actually don't live

together in New York City. Yeah, I was actually really surprised when I found that out. We're moving in together. At the end of the month,

yeah. You guys nervous about that? We haven't lived together since Brooklyn. A little nervous. Yeah. We've got a house up state,

though, too. So I'll be spending more time I'm upstate. He's going to go up there and we'll be able to have space. What's going to be

interesting about navigating that is is dating other people though in the city. You know, like how is that necessarily going to work? Would you guys

like text each other and be like Nico don't come home tonight? I mean, maybe that could happen. I think you'd go to that person's house.

Go to that person's house. Or hotel. Bethany would be able to text me and be like, hey, babe, I'm going to use the house

and I would never be able to text that to Bethany. Yeah. There is a difference in the freedom that we have for each other, and it's okay. Like, we don't expect the same freedom from each other. Did you prefer not to know what you're doing? No, I would rather know. I think that honesty and communication is, like, way, way better.

I just think that there's been some different instances in the past where I felt hurt, of being honest. And so we're still, you know, just working through some of those, like, past bruses. Yeah. Yeah, I mean. But nothing in, like, like, publicly speaking, yeah, we very much so represent, like, the poster kids for Polly Amory right the second. But the fact of the matter is, like, we're pretty new in this community.

And we don't have all of the answers for navigating, you know, external relationships. And we are, we're very. interested in learning and and continuing to learn and you know hopefully globally like traveling and having conversations with people and taking this conversation public and really understanding what what poly life can look like and is there anything that you have learned that you feel like if you want to try an open relationship you need to know this you just have to talk to each other about everything yeah yeah but there isn't just one version of a poly relationship either. There are closed poly relationships. There's farm table poly

relationships. Super open where it's like all your partners are hanging out together all of the time. Everyone could sit together and have a dinner. Yeah. Can you guys do that or no? Yeah. Yes. Depending better than you. I would rather it be all of an out of table. I don't think that I think you like to compartmentalize more than I do. Yeah. But I'm like that with everyone that I date. will bring them around my friends right away. I like group settings. I like everyone to know each other. I like everyone to talk like that.

It's just who I am innately. But you also are like way more of a social person than I am. I'm like a fucking hermit. Are you an introvert? Yes, in so many ways. I can spend most of my time alone and have no problem with it. Are you an introvert? Are you an expert?

No, I'm an extrovert. Like I prefer to be alone with the person that I'm in a relationship with rather than like gallivetic. Yeah. Yeah. And I would much rather be in a group. group setting. But I think part of that is Nico is, it's easier to bring down his walls and it's harder for me. So I, I like group settings. The same way, I prefer to teach a group class over a

private class, you know, like I really like more of being on stage and have everyone else there as opposed to just so one-on-one's making me more nervous. I can fall in love with somebody at 10 minutes and it'll take, you know, 10 months for Bethany to feel in with someone. Why is it like once you're in here with you? If I let you in, it's, I really, like, it's a big deal. I let most people in immediately. Yeah. And then you close them out.

Yeah. We have very, very different wealth languages, for sure. Wait, wait, what's your number one? Have you guys done the actual, like, love languages? It's been a way. It's been, yeah. I don't know. Yeah.

They're in a different language, actually, so we can't speak on that. Nobody would really understand it. It's pig Latin. My husband and I have the opposite, like literally, exactly. Oh, really? Yeah. And I was like, yeah. It's worked for years.

So 20 minutes every day. I change my answer. I think 20 minutes every day you should spend alone. Okay. And I think a lot of people don't actually get 20 minutes a day where they're by themselves in their thought. I don't want to say like meditation because that's, you know. Is it alone without like your phone though? Yeah, I think just like having more.

You can sit with your thoughts and things are turned off and see how you feel and examine your body and be with yourself. And Nika, 20 minutes? Creating something. Art of some sort, yeah. I mean, that doesn't mean like a paintbrush and a canvas, but create something. Words, feelings. Movements. Yeah, just create something that didn't exist. Do you guys go dancing together? We used to a lot more.

Yeah. I don't really like to dance very sexy. I don't really love dancing unless I'm drinking. Do you still dance? I still dance, but like we used to really. Wait, you guys did that? Oh, yeah, yeah. When we are by ourselves in the apartment, we have music on dancing around and being silly.

And, yes, we like to move together. I guess more dancing in a public is what I meant. What purchase have you made that's helped you the most to become healthier or happier? I mean, probably the house. Upstate. The new house. We haven't even moved into it yet. We've been in a rental, but...

What helps you about it? My whole life, I mean, my entire life, I have wanted my own piece of property and my own house. And I have felt like I wouldn't have been a real human being unless I had that or an adult human being. It was like that was the crossover for me. this past month, I did it. I bought a house. We haven't moved into it yet, but to know that I have a piece of land

that I can literally kiss and know that it's like mine to kiss, oh, God. It's the best feeling in the whole world. What do you feel like when you go up there versus when you're down in the city? Pure freedom. Breath, air,

grass, deer, flowers. I love that these are the things the New Yorkers get excited about too. It is really exciting when you see grass. I actually grew up really close to the city in Chicago, and she grew up in the country. And, like, it takes a lot to pull her out of the city, and it takes a lot to keep me in the city. Yeah. So do you get bored when you go off state?

I've really been enjoying going up and getting that space, that time away. But when we went to Peru, we left December 11th. We didn't end up coming back to the city until January 10th. So that was like a month of not being in the city. And at the end of it, I was like, I have to get back and get in a groove and we walked on the street and like get going. Then we were upstate for a month. So I was. I was upstate for all January.

Ready? Yeah. finishing the book. And I came back. So purchase for you? And your vibrator? Yeah, that's actually a really good one. They're wanting to recommend.

No. I don't know what that thing is called. It's great. I can find out for everyone. I don't know that I have an answer for that one. I don't think about that. Yeah, you can think about it. Kind of update people later.

What's one really good decision you've made in your life, and what's one really big mistake? My best decision I made was moving as much as I did, and I think that that maybe appeared as a mistake. Like if you're in her 20s and every two years you're moving to a new city and it's like, okay, settle down and create work. But that was the best thing that I did because now I have amazing people all over the country that I know and have talked to and that's been very effective in building a online platform

and business. I don't think that I could pin a mistake. I mean, I'm sure that there's things that have. been done that maybe weren't the greatest. But I don't look at it as a mistake in my life. Like, I think everything has ended up bringing me to where I am and I wouldn't change any of it. Best decision, putting alcohol down. Worst decision while I was blacked out drunk deciding four years ago to get ahead of

dreadlock extension. Worst decision in my entire life. It only lasted 12 hours. I shaved my head the next morning. But it was the worst decision in my entire life. I'm sorry for all of the cultural appropriation that comes along with it, but I was very, very inebriated. It was a really dark time.

It was just 12 hours. It was one of the worst 12 hours in my life. That moment makes me, like, sad. Like, it's hard for me to talk about that time. Next question. Was there ever been a place that you've been? that you feel like people really got it right there. Like you're like, these people know how to live life.

And if so, where was it? Where was it? To live life. Yeah, like you're like, these people got it. This is what life's about. They're living it right. I would say, um, us right here in New York. Me and you?

Yeah. We've been anywhere. I mean, I think that the problems and people and everything that we deal with is universal. It's like in, it's like, in, reality it's been happening forever and I think it happens anywhere and I think that people deal with family dynamics and all of the same things it's more about like your outlook on it South America's really special we've had some really great time down there for it specifically yeah but the town that you have to go into before you get to the jungle they're not doing it right

I always have the sense that like if I were to move some place that my life would like fall into place a little bit more. So I'm always curious that people feel like, you know, there is a place like that. I mean, I think it's more people in that place. Yeah. I think there are people that are doing it right everywhere and there are people that are doing it wrong everywhere. Yeah. All right. And then what do you normally eat for breakfast?

Coffee. No, actually, this has been something I've been working. on because I used to never eat in the morning. And I have learned that that's bad for you, but also like bad for your cycle and is a female. And I was having all these like cramps during my period. And it was like just in a lot of pain. And I read the book, The Woman Code, which is pretty incredible. And so she talks about kind of the way that you eat throughout the day and having food in the morning. So I try to do oatmeal or a smoothie in the morning. What's your smoothie? Banana, collagen, almond milk, spirulina tabs, honey, some other fruit, whatever is in the house.

Nico, you do like a crazy chronic thing, right? Yeah, I do a coffee every morning with collagen, cacao. I feel like I should just read this piece because it is like perfect for this answer. Okay, yeah. This is from the new book, All of It Is You. And I wrote this about it. by Nico Tortarella. It is officially available

April 17th of this year, which is five days away from right the second. That is crazy. Oh my God, that is crazy. This is a piece called drink. This is like the, I would say like, the corkiest piece in this book. This is not like the tone for the whole book.

But this is, maybe I'll read too. Who knows? This is called drink. I drink to, drink. I drink to make myself more interesting. vegetable and fruit juice cold pressed vitamins nuts milk milked coconuts kombucha ferment apple cider vinegar turmeric turmeric and ginger grasses wheat coffee organic tea cacao hot and cold chaga

lions mane mane mushroom rashi tocotrinos myan maca pollen from bees collagen infuse superfood elixirs soy interesting except not soy it's 2018 i love you we're responsibly. I love that. Do you think people do the whole wellness thing to make themselves more interesting? Yeah, totally. I think they do it to give themselves the false sense of control over their own mortality. Which is more interesting.

Yeah, it's more interesting, sure. Cool. Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to read something to close us out or do one of your amazing spoken word poem vibes. Should I read the marriage piece, babe? Yes. Okay. I'm going to read marriage and children as one solid piece together. And then I've got to get out of here.

Yeah. Okay. Marriage. I have issue with you. Inequality speaking, the piece of paper benefits reaped decidedly. Archaic laws set by church still directly connected to states, not just nationally. And why does sickness come before health vowed? And why are we talking about death at a time like this?

Symbolic exchange. A ring energetically protecting the one finger vein directly to heart. I spent the last 11, 12 years in one way or another with my best friend and plan to spend the next hundred lifetimes with them. So Bethany, Christine Myers, all of it is has always been, always will be you. I love you. as I get down on one knee as to bow in your presence, will you marry me? Except I have issue with even that tradition, so we had a conversation and mutually agreed.

The time is now to tie the knot, and that's how it should be. Goodbye, patriarchy. Children, I have dreamt of you, already held you in arms and wept. Woke in mornings whole, more whole, except without you to physically hold. I hold your soul in mine known you are already superstar, special, molded from wellspring, holy. Although you may hear things about mom and dad, I need you to know there never has been, never will be a love more expansive than the one we have till now. You see, you are the physical manifestation of our explosive energy. See, you hold us both entirely forever and ever and ever as we hold you.

Babies, we love you, more than you will ever know. And although we won't be perfect and neither will you, we prefer it that way. As much as we're trying to make this world a safer place, it is still wildly flawed. So that just means there's more to play, more to work, more to work hard, more to create. You, my dears, are defined freedom. freedom. As lucky as we are to have you, you are to have us, wild us. Unconditionally, without expectations, we accept you. And the only piece we ask in return is simple. You have been created out of our pure cosmic love. So when everythings get tough as human beings, they must return to us

example that love always wins no matter what. And don't take any of it too seriously. Babies have fun. I love you. I'm still dreaming of you for you forever with tears. Oh my God. And we love you too. Thank you. Thank you. When it comes to wellness, you're going to get the best results by focusing on the big needle movers. A lot of us spend a lot of time trying to optimize that last 1%, which creates a ton of stress and it actually doesn't help our help that much.

top of the needle mover list, sleep. And one of the best ways to optimize your sleep is to optimize your mattress, which is why I love avocado green mattress so much. First of all, this mattress is so comfortable. I have the one with the pillow top, which is medium firm, and it's just a dream. I miss it when I travel. It's better than even the fanciest hotel beds. Having a mattress that supports your joints and your body and feels good is going to help you get more sleep and better quality sleep. But then, on top of that, avocado mattresses are made with certified organic cotton, wool, and latex, and they are made safe and green guard gold certified. They're also Okotech certified, which is the gold standard. I look for it in any mattresses, sheets, or towels that I buy, which means the materials have been rigorously tested for harmful substances. You can actually look for the Okotech standard 100 label right on the product, and I love this part.

It includes a traceable certificate number and the name of the testing lab so you know exactly what you're getting. There are no toxic chemicals, there's no harmful off-gassing, it does not smell like it's going to kill you when you unbox it. This is what I mean. I'm not going to swap out all of my clothing, which is that top 1% of optimization. But by making sure that my mattress and my bedding are as good for me as possible, I literally reduce my exposure during a third of my life, which is a huge needle mover for a one-time swap. I will also know, and this is a me thing, but I sleep super hot and avocado's materials, are really breathable, and it makes me sweat the least of any mattress that I have slept on. And avocado is a certified B-Corp and a 1% for the planet member, because caring for yourself and caring for the planet do not have to be separate things.

You can get up to 20% off organic mattresses and more by shopping Avocados Presidents Day Sale right now at avocadogreenmatress.com. That is avocadogreenmatress.com, no code needed. When you think about strength and resilience, like your ability to feel energy, to recover well, to stay strong as you get older. What do you think that actually comes from? Most people say working out or good nutrition, and yes, of course that matters. But there is a biological foundation underneath all of that that most people are completely

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