The Liz Moody Podcast - Relationship Qs My Husband And I Have Never Asked Each Other—Until Now (PT. 1)

Episode Date: April 27, 2026

My husband Zack and I are answering relationship questions that we have never asked each other in our 18 years of being together. These questions are all based on real research on what actually makes couples closer, so bring these questions to your partner (or friend)—they’re guaranteed to spark great conversations. Check back next week for part two with more juicy questions. Ready to uplevel every part of your life? Order Liz’s book 100 Ways to Change Your Life: The Science of Leveling Up Health, Happiness, Relationships & Success now!  Connect with Liz on Instagram @lizmoody or online at www.lizmoody.com. Subscribe to the substack by visiting https://lizmoody.substack.com/welcome. Buy our cute sweatshirts, conversation cards, and more at https://shop.lizmoody.com/. To join The Liz Moody Podcast Club Facebook group, go to www.facebook.com/groups/thelizmoodypodcast. Use our discount codes from our  highly vetted and tested brand partners by visiting https://www.lizmoody.com/codes.  This episode is brought to you completely free thanks to the following podcast sponsors: • Lumebox: right now get 40% off, that's $260 off the regular price of $629, when you go to TheLumeBox.com/Liz. • Osea: go to OseaMalibu.com and get 10% off your first order with code LIZMOODY. • LMNT: head to DrinkLMNT.com/Liz to get a FREE 8-count sample pack with any order. The Liz Moody Podcast cover art by Zack. The Liz Moody Podcast music by Alex Ruimy. Formerly the Healthier Together Podcast.  This podcast and website represents the opinions of Liz Moody and her guests to the show. The content here should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for information purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare professional for any medical questions. The Liz Moody Podcast Episode 425. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on the Liz Moody podcast, my husband, Zach and I are answering relationship questions that we have never asked each other in our 18 years of being together. These are all based on real research on what actually makes couples closer. So after you use them to get to know us better, send a link to this episode to your partner or to a friend so you can do all the questions together. These are Sions back to actually bring you closer and they will spark such good conversations. Welcome to the Liz Moody podcast where we skip past the BS and get you actual solutions to your real problem so you can feel as good as possible every single day. What's something that we argue about that you think is actually about something else?

So I think like we will argue about like chores doing dishes or something else like that. What do you think that's really about? I think it's about us feeling spacious with time and and like like feeling like we have the bandwidth to like do things ourselves. I don't think like neither of us really care about doing the thing but like feeling like you're behind on something that like let somebody else down. We argue about money, and I think that's really about safety. If we argue with money, I do think you're right. Money feels like it is potentially the difference between safety and not safety. Especially, as noted, I tend towards anxiety, and so I think I want a little bit more safety.

You tend towards wanting to feel more safe, yes. We rocked that. We navigated that difficult terrain with a plum. What's easy for us that might be hard for other couples? We have done professional work together a good bit over the years. And I think we probably have more infrastructure for how to like work with each other professionally. Like if we wanted to like work on a project, I think like you and I have now worked on enough like business related things. You hate my design feedback.

Some of your design feedback could use work. And there's like a little bit of scar tissue there too, right? Like like I've like done your websites in the past, not for years. But like when we were back and they like, yeah, I would like do a website for you. And you'd be like, ooh, it's like a little fluffy. And I'd be like, that's not a word that we use to describe feedback, right? Like, is it to this? Is it to that?

You're like, it's too fluffy. And you're like, gosh. I want it to be shinier. Shiner. Yeah, exactly. Right. Just make it a mirror. I think because we've navigated like a professional and productivity-based stuff together,

I think we have more infrastructure of that than like maybe your average couple. I think we might have a little bit of an easier time navigating weekends and for time than a lot of the couples that I know. I know for a lot of them, they have really different interests. So maybe one partner wants to spend a day golfing or watching sports. And the other partner would rather have quality time doing a walk together, brunch or something like that. I think in general, barring like adventures. But I like a low-key adventure. I like some novelty rule in my life. I just don't need to do it at the top of a mountain. But barring that, I do think we mostly like to do the same things with our time. And I personally feel quite blessed that you're

You're not like a golf guy where you go golf all weekend. You like watching tennis, but you're not like, we're not losing whole chunks of our lives to things that we don't really share as interests. That's true. But it would be weird to see if we had, like, if I like picked up a deep love of some sort of incredibly like time consuming. I could too. Or you did. Yeah, what could I do? Just be a big, like, football fan or something like that.

Yeah, I've tried a few times. Go sports. Go sports. Yeah, I don't know what it would be, but I do think that that makes navigating time together a little bit easier. Okay, and this is sort of a part two. What's hard for us that might be easy for other couples? I guess that's the question. What's hard for us?

Deciding whether or not to have kids? Yeah, I think some people like were... Almost everybody I know has had an easier time with that choice than I feel like I have. I don't know if you feel that way. I think that tracks. Nothing else to say about that. We would just tidily walk away from that way. Okay, cool.

Other than that, we're perfect. Yeah. In what ways do you think we're the most similar and in what ways do you think we're the most different? Ooh, most different. Most different is you have a work ethic that is bananas to me. Like you can sit at a computer and just work, work, work. You have an ability to do things you don't want to do that I feel like I really lack, including dishes, cleaning stuff, house repair stuff and also like sitting at the computer and like work, work, working until something's done.

It's so interesting you say that because like I see you do the exact same thing. But I think it's sometimes really hard to like when you see somebody else who they have like a very good skill set in something or like that's like their zone of genius. Like you can watch me sit down and do something that's like very like foreign to you conceptually. And you're like, whoa, what's crazy? And like. But even like the dishes, you're like the dishes need to be done. So I'll do the dishes. We need to pack for this trip. So I'll pack. And I will eventually. pack or eventually do the dishes. But first I'll be like,

ugh, like I don't want to. And I feel like you're really good to just be like, no, this thing needs to be done. You think I don't drag my feet for stuff. I drag my feet for a category of stuff that I think you don't drag your feet for. Like, I'll drag my feet. Sit on an email or something like that for like a couple of days.

And just be like, this is, eventually this problem will become stale in somebody else's and like I'll just like not have to deal with it. Yeah. You're much more be like, oh, I'll keep the conversation going. Like we're going to get to the resolution. You don't like things like sitting in your head in a way that I think maybe I'm more comfortable

as like letting them like marinate there until I forget about them. I think socially we're a little bit different too. I like to be the life of the party while I'm at the party. And then the second I don't want to be at the party anymore, I really don't want to be at the party. Yeah, you hit a wall.

I hit a strong wall. And I think you don't maybe want or need to be the life of the party as much, but you can last longer within the party. I'm happy just being a good part of the party. Yeah, right? Me too. I'm a... Oh, I don't get about this.

You said sinner. Sinner was your word. No, I just, I'm spending a lot more energy at the party, making sure everybody's having a good time. I know. Yeah. I know. It's important to you. We're both ambitious.

Mm-hmm. We both love nature. Mm-hmm. You love adventure nature. Yeah, I think you, you love a more calm, pastoral nature than I do. Beautiful nature with no danger. Mm-hmm. And I think you like, you, like, you don't.

definitely like danger more than I like danger. I mean, no one loves danger. Do you not think you get a little like when you're like, I want to hike to the top of a mountain? I think our definition of danger is different. I don't think it's dangerous to hike to the top of a mountain for most parts. Well, you're like, but lightning could come and kill us all. Yeah, remember in Bend when you, you were like, I'm going to go do this like crazy hike one day. And I just, it wasn't that crazy.

I've never woken up and been like, I want to do that. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But none of that was dangerous. It's probably like more dangerous to bike in traffic than it is to like walk to the top of it. Well, I don't like to do that either. Yeah, but like people commute on a bike all the time, right?

You know, like, like your actual risk factors are not the same. Like, what, this brain and ankle? There's more like dangerous stuff that I do do. Like I'll go backcountry skiing or something you have to consider like avalanches. There's some risk there. But the risk isn't why you're doing it? No. Why are you doing it?

Oh, fresh powder. A little pow-pow. Okay, you like skiing. I don't like skiing. Oh, that's true. I think skiing is insane. Yeah, I like to go fast. And I...

Yeah, that would be a very big difference. What perception of me did you have when we met that you ended up being completely wrong about? Interesting. I thought she was tall. Wasn't concerned about that. Did you think I was more of a party girl? Yeah, I was... Because when we met, like, I don't know if people know this.

Like, you were smoking cigarettes. I think you're... Facebook photo at the time, which is a dated comment, was like you holding a handle of vodka. In a bra. In a bra at a party. Like only a bra. The turntables have turned because I don't wear bras anymore, but I do wear shirts. Sure.

I think when we met, I was like a crazy and wild type of girl. And I think you still are. I wouldn't find me in like a little more. Exactly right. I miss that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, how does one bring that into their?

lives without bringing cancer into their lives. But also I'm like, what a wild person say that? Like, what is it? It's funny because like, yeah, we're, we're signaling things that are bad for you. But like the drinking or the smoking or anything else like that. Like, I don't think that is what I'm trying to capture. I think it's more of like a free flowing, not giving the proverbial fucks, being a little bit more crazy and wild. I was sort of modeling my life in college when we met off of the Penny Lane character and almost famous. So I had her coach. and I love the idea of picking, I'd pick up and like go to a different country at a drop of a hat and I didn't have any money so I'd just be like roaming around that country and having these

adventures and meeting new people and I do think that I could stand for a little bit more of that energy in my adult life. You guys ask me constantly if the hype around red light is real and the answer is yes, but with one huge caveat. Most of the devices on the market aren't actually powerful enough to make a difference. But if you get one, that is, it can transform your skin, your pain, your energy, your hair, even your mood. I know it sounds too good to be true. So here's the science in the nuttiest of nutshell. Red light targets your mitochondria, the powerhouses of your cells, giving them more energy to repair, regenerate, and function better. That's why you get the local benefits wherever

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40% off when you go to The Loombox.com slash Liz. One more thing. If you have an HSA or FSA, Lombox may qualify as a medical expense through TRUMED and qualified customers save about 30% on average. You can head to trumed.com slash loombox to check your eligibility before you buy. TrueMed is for qualified customers. HSA FSA tax savings vary. Again, though, go to the loombox.com slash Liz for that 40% off. I've been drinking element every single day for literally years. I usually use one packet a day, but I break it up and I kind of spike my water throughout the day.

so it makes my water taste amazing and it helps me stay consistently hydrated, which for me means more energy, fewer headaches, and way clearer thinking. That's like probably the biggest difference I notice is my brain just works so much better. Research actually shows that you hydrate better when you sip throughout the day instead of chugging all at once. An element makes that so much easier because plain water is honestly so boring and I just will not drink enough of it otherwise. I even use a glass straw because research also shows that you will drink more water if you drink it through a straw. Right now, I'm obsessed with the lemonade salt flavor. It's my favorite hands down. Zach and I fight over who gets the last packets that we have left. Although I also love watermelon, but like lemonade,

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Also at the same time, like, we do get to evolve from our 20s when I think people are a lot more like that. Your arc of becoming somebody who isn't just like that makes sense as like a human, like a human arc. I don't want to be like, but I want to be like, you know? Sorry, how's that again? Like a little bit more. I keep listening to the Ella Lightly song. And she's like a dandelion, like, you know, in the breeze.

I wouldn't mind being a little bit more like that. Perfect. Mine for you, I think, has a little bit less to do with you and a little bit more to do with my age when we met. You were 22. You had just turned 22. I was 21. And it was still that phase of life where I was like, men are a completely different entity than women. So I think my perception of you was that you were this like cool, sporty guy. You had been in crew. You had all these, I don't know, like athlete friends. You didn't seem like the type of guy to me. You didn't seem like the type of guy to me who would be very in touch with his emotions or feelings or be open to vulnerable conversations. And I think that was based on a lot of stereotypes that I had about what it meant to almost be like

a cool guy, which is what I certainly perceived you as when I hit on you. And I think the pleasant surprise has been like, oh, Zach is a human being with the full spectrum of humanness. And that's been a very pleasant thing to discover over the years. That's nice. I appreciate that. Yeah. Not not being a caricature of a person, I think is one of the great things about, you know, getting to know somebody over like all the time. Yeah, I'm curious how much you feel like you were taught growing up that like men don't have emotions and they can't talk about this stuff. But I kind of was taught, like, don't go to the guys for that, go to the women. And I've been only pleasantly surprised over my life as I have created the space for men to want to talk about these things. If that makes

sense? It makes sense. I feel like I got really lucky to grow up with a group of guys that were relatively in touch with their emotions as much as any like non-Ginzy high schooler could be. If you could trade places with me for one week, what would you do differently? Oh gosh. Like what would I do differently for you in your life? Probably have you rest more? I think you don't let yourself like really take time off. And you know what? I also think that when you do, it's all. I also think that when you do, it's often like scrolling. And I think this happens to all of us, right? Like we get tired at the end of the day.

We want to reach for something kind of just like cathartic and easy. And have you maybe take your breaks a little bit earlier, split it up, maybe, you know, go to the gym, read, do some stuff that isn't. Like before I've wilted like a flower. Yeah, we'll turn to the hot lamps of the working day. Okay. Yeah. And what would you have me do with that rest time? Go to the gym?

I do go to the gym every day. You're great with the gem. I think, like, you know, I don't necessarily. It's so funny that that's a man. Yeah. You're like, you're like, how much. What's the most productive rest that you would have to do? How might make my rest my rest one to a productive?

I personally think scrolling is depleting in its own way. So I would just kind of like pull back, play some games. Hang out with your great husband. See friends. Okay. So that was going to be mine for you. If I could get in your body for a day and tinker around. First, I have a lot.

list. Did you make these questions from what you wanted to tell me to do? Yeah, this is all the play. Okay. So the first thing I would do is I would have you do some sort of relaxation practice. Like meditation or something. Like meditation, breath work. You've gone in and out of periods where you've done it. And I think that you have such a high stress job, I think that's really good for you to have some sort of foundational practice. And I can see a difference when you do something like that. So I'd have you meditate every day, do breath work every day. And then the second thing I would do is I'd make more plans with friends. I would, you know.

I feel like I hang out with friends. I feel like you could do more. Yeah, all right. I feel like you get a lot of mileage out of my friends loving you so much. A lot of men maybe rely on their wives a lot for social plans. And I think that- You are a great social planner, acknowledged. Thanks.

What's something that you don't think I give you enough credit for? Oh, everything. thing. Name a thing. No, we've done enough couples there be that I feel like we give each other a lot of credit. Okay. What don't you give me enough credit for? There's nothing that I don't give you enough credit for? Because when you feel you are not getting credit for something, you demand it. You're like, excuse me, I just, I just want to you know this is my idea that I had or Liz, you remember when I told you to do this thing like five years ago. Just want to remember that five years ago I gave you good advice one time. Yeah. Okay. So would you say that maybe I

don't give you enough good credit for your advice. Oh, no, no. You know, if you don't take my advice and things blow up, what am I going to do? I know. I know. Sometimes I forget that you know all. Thank you. Honestly, now I feel like I get enough credit. Joking aside, like that is a bad habit I have of pointing out when credit maybe was historically due.

I love that. It's a bad habit of pointing out when credit truly is due. because you can't do anything about it at that point. I like credit when I, you know, do, like, fun stuff. Like, hung a bunch of art recently. That was great. Yeah, I was going to say, for me, too, it's like the little ways I contribute to our lives.

Like, I wouldn't mind if every week you were like, man, Liz, these are great meal prep recipes this week because I'm the person who runs point on all of that. So basically all of the food that we eat, I'm not cooking it. I'm coordinating with our meal prepers. But I'm doing, I'm taking that on 100. It actually is like a really amazing zone of genius for you because your background in developing recipes is like so good.

And it sounds like yours is the same thing where you're like these little things you're doing, like you just got a new shower curtain and you hung a bunch of art in our house. And the other things that like slip into the background that like keep life comfortable and moving. And they're the things that I think we take out of what we consider our normal obligations to each other and the world, right? how often do you need to like replace a shower curtain? It's not like, it's, it actually sits outside of like your day to day obligations.

And I think those things take a additional thought. They'd be like, oh, I have to go do this. And then you have to finish it. And then you're like, now where's my cookie? Like, where's my little like bit of credit for that? Yeah. That's always what I think most of us want. What's something that you keep score on in our relationship, even though you know you shouldn't?

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I shouldn't, but I do. I do. So Zach has not scooped the litter box for the new cat. I do the occasional, I do the occasional glamour scoop. I scooped it earlier today when we were moving it to Twitter. different location that was yesterday. Uh-huh. It was, and it's like, you know, the first time in a couple of weeks.

You're welcome. A little finger gun there for the people who are not watching. What do I keep score on? I think maybe I keep score on mental load. Like, if I had to guess, I think if we sat down and we did Erodski's like fair play cards, which sorts out all of the different opportunities for mental load and like lots people own tasks, I think we were to do those. They'd probably be pretty similar.

But I think often because of the people that I'm talking to and kind of the soup that I'm marinating in, being so aware of how uneven this is in most relationships, I'm always kind of thinking about like, oh, I've taken ownership of that whole thing in my head. Or maybe I've asked Zach to do this thing and that's not him taking full ownership, et cetera. And I think if we're actually doing the cards, it would probably be fairly equal. There is, I think, something smart there because I feel like I'm keeping track of that to a certain degree, especially having. More men need to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like one of those things that you, once you have it pointed out, it's like a little bit of like a glass breaking moment. You're like, oh, gosh.

Well, because societally just conditions women to take so much more mental load. For sure. Every part of society from the time we're very, very small until we're dead. So I think it's important to be aware of it, but maybe I'm a little hyper aware of it, especially given that we're in a pretty equal relationship. Sure. What do you need from me that you've never directly asked for? You want to go first on this one? I wouldn't mind more compliments.

Okay. All right. I think random, like, wow, you look really beautiful or that was so smart. Just like direct. I feel like sometimes we do more indirect compliments of like great job getting a book deal. I don't know. Like stuff like that. Not like that.

Yeah, good job. Good job. Yeah. I don't know. But like more just like. Out of the blue. Words of affirmation are my love language. You feel like you do it.

I feel like I do it. But no, it's fascinating. It's fascinating to see like what. Okay, well, I have a part two then. All right. No, I hit me with a part too. I think if it feels out of the blue, it like stands out. You know what I mean?

So I need to surprise. Surprise. Like blindside you. So when you come in like a new outfit and you're like, what do you think about this? And I'm like, oh my God, you look so stunning. You're like, not out of the blue. No, no, no. I prompted you.

I want it to be like you roll over in bed and say, I can't believe I get to wake up next to somebody so amazing. Sure. And you're like, eye mask on, like, droolet. Yeah. That kind of thing. Yeah. Compliments that make me feel seen.

And then my other one is I really want to be like making out and have you push my hands up against a wall. Noted. Great. Those two. What's yours? I think I'm pretty clear with like what I need. Do you feel like they're met? Yeah.

Yeah. Great. Yeah. Great. Okay, now that we've, like, stirred up some shit. Yeah. We're going to get into a sweet one. What's a dream or a goal that you've kept mostly to yourself, and how could I help you achieve it?

I mean, very simply. We haven't, like, gone on a vacation that's been, like, fully separated from... Work? Work or family or, like, a holiday. Vacation for the sake of vacation only. I feel like I'm really in need of like a good quality, like, holiday level reset. And I think that would be like a fun. We haven't like done one of those for.

We had plans like last year and we like the things happened. We couldn't do it. It's just like, yeah, something something like that. What would be the vibe? Like are we beaching? Are we mountaining? Are we European? European's a verb, right?

Yeah. You're open. You're open work. You're open. Are you trying to relax? You're trying to be inspired. Oh, I'm trying to relax. But I get relaxation from doing active things.

So I want to leave space for active things to also relax me. Okay. It's a little beach mountain combo. My mom just went to Japan and I want to go to Japan. She went without me. She and my sister. Rude. I know I feel a little abandoned.

I honestly hung out with a guy from Mongolia a couple nights ago who said, like, there's some really exciting. I've heard it's so beautiful. Yeah, really exciting stuff there. Okay. So Japan or Mongolia? I'm going to do a little bit more research. I'll get back to you. You'll get back to me.

Yeah. Okay. So the second part of the question is how can I help facilitate this? Oh, just plan the trip. Great. You're such a good trip planner. Speaking of mental load. You love planning trips.

I really don't. I'm good at it. It's a honed skill, but I hate it. I've actually gotten very into travel agents at this point in my life because the trip ideally is not more expensive than if you've booked it yourself because the travel agents are getting deals on all the places and that's where they're getting their fee or they're getting paid, but I don't, I'm not quite deep into the world. I'm not 100% sure that's it.

But I don't think it's supposed to cost more for us. And then they have the expertise and stuff. I believe that is the plan. But I don't think, I'd be super curious to know that. So how can I help facilitate it? Find a travel agent and ask if they're more expensive. You know, probably just like finding time that we can both, like, help me find time that we can both, like, carve out of our sketchies.

Okay. Love a dream. I have is to line dance. No. I thought you wanted to go line dancing. I do, but it's not a dream. Honestly, this is of the same varietal, but we have been talking about having our BBA this year,

which is our birthday birthday anniversary. It's your 40th birthday, it's my 40th birthday, and it's our 10-year wedding anniversary. And so we talked about renting out of place and having a bunch of our friends come and having one day be Zach's birthday theme. So like adventures and food and, and like Zach food and

you know Zach food Zach food and stuff like that and then the second day would be Liz birthday theme so it would be like Liz food like Friety Pebbles and donuts and lots of structured conversation and karaoke and massages and stuff like that and then we'd have an anniversary theme day

which is more about us as a couple and people can give toasts and advice and stuff like that and we've kind of like stopped the planning on it and I really want to make it happen and I feel like it only comes up when I bring it up. Like, I feel like I would love your help in pushing it forward.

No, you feel that way? And making it happen. I'm glad you said that because we were just talking about this morning, but I guess you brought it up. I hear you. Okay, let's make it work. Done, easy. We'll be back next week with a part two

with even more questions designed to make couples closer that we have never ever asked each other before. So make sure that you're following the podcast because we have some very, very juicy ones. coming up. This was a bit of a different type of episode for me, so please let me know in the comments if you liked it. And also, if you try it with your partner, let me know how that goes. I'm so curious. I'm so excited for you. Okay, I love you, and I will see you on the next episode of the Liz Moody podcast. Oh, just one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented

solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, a psychotherapist, or any other qualified professional. Here's something that most people don't know about beef sticks. Nearly every single one on the market, including a lot of the ones that seem healthy, are made with conventionally raised beef and preserved with something called encapsulated citric acid or ECA. And ECA has been linked in case studies to inflammation symptoms like brain fog, low energy, joint discomfort, and gut issues, which explains why so many people feel kind of gross after

eating them and just assume that beef sticks aren't for them, despite beefsticks being a great source of protein and one of the best savory on-the-go snacks. Paleo Valley beef sticks are completely different, and the difference starts at the source. They use 100% grass-fed and grass-finished beef from small-scale regenerative American farms, not factory farms. Grass-fed beef has an improved omega-6 to omega-3 ratio. It has higher levels of vitamin A and E. It has conjugated linolayic acid, and the super antioxidant glutathione. And instead of chemical preservatives, they are naturally fermented, using these same processes like a kimchi or a sauerkraut, which means a long shelf life and gut-friendly, more bioavailable

nutrients, no added nitrates or nitrites with zero grams of sugar. I have loved Paleo Valley for years. They create some of my favorite energy bars and protein powders too, and they just put an incredible amount of thought and care into all of their sourcing. Their superfood bar is actually one of the very few that my personal RD approved in terms of the sugar, the fat, and the fiber ratio. It's really, really hard to find bars that aren't too high in sugar or that have fiber or don't have other weird ingredients. And these ones pass mustard. The red velvet and then the apple cinnamon are my favorite flavors.

Also the dark chocolate. Honestly, they're all really good. But the red velvets, like I haven't had anything like that before. I really love it. They have a 60-day money-back guarantee. So there is zero risk. And right now through my link, there's a limited buy one get one free deal. So head on over to paleo valley.com slash Liz Moody or use code Liz Moody at checkout for 15%

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