The Liz Moody Podcast - Stop Giving A Sh*t What Other People Think & Tap Into Who YOU Want To Be With Tinx

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

A vulnerable conversation with Tinx as she shares her tips for dealing with hate, getting cheated on, changing careers, learning body acceptance, & more.  a new way to look at dating + how to be more authentic in your romantic life what Tinx learned from being cheated on a post-breakup healing plan how fame impacts authenticity  actionable tips to stop caring so much about what other people think of you how to tap into your most authentic self sexually (& stop faking orgasms)  why being single could be the biggest blessing in your life how to be the main character & your own best friend in life what to do TODAY to start shifting your relationship with your body  how things like Ozempic, botox, & plastic surgery play into authenticity how success + money impact authenticity  tips for making & keeping friends as an adult   and so much more!  To join the Healthier Together Podcast Club Facebook group, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/healthiertogetherpodcast. This episode is sponsored by: Ness: head to nesswell.com/liz for an extra 5,000 points when you apply for the Ness Card today.  AG1: visit athleticgreens.com/healthiertogether and get your FREE year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs today.  LMNT: go to DrinkLMNT.com/Liz a to get a free LMNT sample pack with any order.   Healthier Together cover art by Zack. Healthier Together music by Alex Ruimy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, friends, and welcome back to the Healthier Together podcast. I'm your host, Liz Moody, and I'm a best-selling author and long-time journalist. This podcast is all about helping you live your healthiest, happiest life, whether we're getting easy hacks for studying our circadian rhythms, learning the lowest-hanging fruit for alleviating anxiety, or hearing the latest research on skin and hair health. And yes, those are all real episodes of any of those topics. I'm good to you. Scroll on back in the archives.

Today, I am so excited to welcome Tinks to the podcast. Tinks is a content creator with over 2 million followers who shares her advice about dating, relationships, mental health, and more on TikTok and Instagram. She's also the host of the top-rated It's Me Tinks podcast and live call and radio show and was one of Forbes top creators of 2022. Her brand new book, The Shift, A Guide to Dating Self-Worth and becoming the main character of your life, just came out and is available wherever books are sold. One of the main themes of the book is using dating to become your most authentic. self. So I thought it'd be fun to have tinks on to share advice about how to know who your authentic self is in all parts of your life and then step into that person. We get into a new way to look at dating, plus how to be more authentic in your romantic life, what tinks learned from being cheated on, a post-breakup healing plan, how fame impacts authenticity, actionable tips to stop caring so much about what other people think of you, how to tap into your most authentic self sexually and stop faking orgasms. why being single could be the biggest blessing in your life, how to be the main character

and your own best friend in life, what to do today to start shifting your relationship with your body, how things like ozempic, Botox, and plastic surgery play into authenticity, how success and money impact authenticity, tips for making and keeping friends as an adult, and so much more. I would love to hear your thoughts and your biggest takeaways as you're listening to the episode, so definitely screenshot and tag Ting, she is at Tinks, and me, I am at Liz Moody on Instagram. This episode topic was highly requested and I get it. It's really hard to figure out who you actually are and then be that person amongst all of the noise of everyone in the world telling us who we should be. If you know someone who would benefit from

this conversation, please send them a link. Last week's episode was trending on Spotify because so many of you sent it to friends and family members and coworkers. And first of all, I get it. That episode altered my brain chemistry. And second of all, thank you. Sharing the podcast is hands down the best way to support it. And it is so, so appreciated. Okay, let's get right into it with Tinks. Tinks, welcome to the show. I was just telling you how impressed I was with your book. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be on and to chat with you. The theme of your book is that dating really is a tool to become our most authentic selves. And I think that your whole public persona is really about becoming your authentic self.

So I wanted to tithe into that in various areas of our life. So let's start with our romantic lives. What are some ways that you've gotten to know yourself through dating? Let me start by saying, like, I really think dating needs a rebrand. When I was growing up, I thought the dating was only a means to an end. And I think a lot of women feel that way. And I think it causes a lot of stress and anxiety. Because when you tell women that that's the whole goal of it, then

they feel that every time a guy doesn't call them back, it's a failure. And that couldn't be further from the truth. My take is that dating should be an era of self-discovery, where you learn about yourself and you also learn about what you like in partners. You learn so much from going on dates. And that should be the goal, not like, oh my God, I need to get every person I go on a date with to call me back. You should just really think, I love the way that person made me feel. Or, oh, I learned that I like someone who's a good texter, all of these data points that add up so that you know yourself so that when someone amazing does drop into your life, you're in a great self-actualized place to be in a relationship with them. What are some things that you've learned about yourself through your relationships?

I've learned that I like to have fun. I'm a very intense person in a lot of ways, but I also like to be having fun all the time. It's important to me that my partners don't take themselves too seriously. slave. I've learned that I need someone who is also very ambitious. It's important that we match in terms of ambition because I love my job. I'm very dedicated to my job and I want someone who shares that. Shared interests are really important to me. You know, some people opposite to attract. But for example, I'm a big foodie. I like when my partners are really into that too and they like to spend time and money on food and dining experiences and cooking and that sort of things. And that's actually a good example, because it can be big or small. Whatever you're learning, it could be as small as like,

oh, I like someone who texts me good morning every morning or whatever. There's no right or wrong. Everyone is unique. It's just important that you start identifying those things that make you feel loved and supported. Do you think that you learn things about yourself even through relationships that maybe wouldn't be defined as so good? Like you had a very public situation where you found out that your ex was cheating on you. Yeah. How do you frame that within this context? Oh, totally. Even when relationships end or there's a situation like cheating, I think you can learn and grow from it. I'm careful not to sound like a toxic optimist, but I think that I learned so much from that relationship. Aside from the cheating, it was like a fantastic relationship. He was a wonderful boyfriend. And I choose to focus on that. Yeah, it sucks that that that's the way it ended and that's the way it had to go down. But I still think of him as a great boyfriend and I still learned a lot. Like he was a very ambitious person. He was a person who loved entertaining and food and travel and we really connected on that. We had a lot of fun together.

So I actually learned more from that relationship than almost any other relationship I've had, even though it was short and even though it ended badly. So it's all about looking at what you did learn. Speak from the scar, not from the wound, I always say. How do you frame that within the context of like, are you afraid of not finding a partner? I have so many friends who are in their 30s and they, They have relationships behind them and they're just like, have I dated everybody out there? Are these learnings moot?

Because I'm not actually going to meet anybody who's a good fit. I am going to be honest. I'm not worried. And I'm not worried about anyone else. I always say to my community of followers, how many people actually die alone? Like how many people actually don't find anyone to be with? It's pretty low number. And you know what?

I truly think that things are changing and a lot of women are just really knowing their worth and therefore we are finding our partners later and later. That doesn't mean that we aren't going to find them or we could have multiple partners in the future, multiple people that we're going to be in love with and spend time with. Things are just changing and that's not a bad thing. It just means that timelines are made up and we're starting to realize that. So we're not settling. The age that women are getting married is getting later and later. We view that like it's a bad thing. And it's like, no, we're just making better choices. Like I would be surprised if in the next 50 years, the divorce rate doesn't decline. And I bet it's because people are just making those choices

smarter and smarter and becoming more aware of what they need and who they need. There's already statistics that show if you get married in your 20s, you're significantly more likely to get divorced than if you get married in your 30s. So I feel like that would hold true. I love that. I'm married. I love my husband. He's amazing. But I always say that I'm jealous and my friends who meet their partners in their 30s because they're so much more fully formed as people. I got really lucky with my husband that we sort of formed together. But I have friends who are stuck in relationships where maybe that person was a match for themselves at 24, 25, but they're definitely not a match for them at 34, 35. Totally.

I think that's so interesting. Of course, there are lucky people who find their partners when they're like 21 and then they just grow together. But I think about how much I grew in my 20s. And if I had gotten married in my 20s, I would be divorced because I am a different human being. I'm a fully different human being and I had a lot of growth to do. I had a lot of growing up to do. I had to figure out who I was. And it's really only in the past year or so that I actually feel ready and open to find

a long-term partner. And I really mean that. So in some ways, I've only been dating for a year in the way that I want to find someone who's out there. So anyone who is single, I would ask them to ask themselves like, how long have I actually been fully actualized? Or am I? A lot of people out there are like, why can't I find someone?

and I'm like, do you know your worth? Do you love yourself truly? Do you know what you're looking for? Are you settled? Are you grateful? Are you experiencing joy in other areas of your life? And I truly, truly believe all of that is so crucial before you bond yourself to another human. Do you have any advice for somebody who might be in the thick of that moment of heartbreak? The first thing to do is to accept that breakups are really bad. Almost act like you're sick. You know, when you're sick, you settle in and you're like, this is going to be a tough. week or whatever. With a breakup, it's the same thing. Your heart is broken and you have to just allow yourself to move through it. They say time heals all and I really do believe that. Of course,

there are things you can do to make yourself feel better. But I think really, really accepting that you're in it is the first step. What I always tell myself when I'm heartbroken is that you can only feel heartbroken if you've experienced love, which is the most amazing feeling that you can have as a human being, in my opinion. You can't have one without the other. And it's just a reminder of your capacity to feel emotion for another person. However heartbroken you are, the equal and opposite of that was true. You felt that amount of love. Even though it's gone, it is so beautiful that you were able to feel that. And you should be happy that you feel that because it means you are alive and you feel deep emotions and you will 100% feel it again.

I actually believe every time our heart is broken when it's put back together, it's grown. And you just got to hang out with your friends and keep busy, keep a routine, and remember that you will have a time in the future where you look back and say, oh, thank God, this didn't work out because now this person is in my life. Do you think that long-term relationships are an opportunity for self-actualization in the same way that you say that dating is? I think they can be. People can definitely make each other better. I just think that that's not a guarantee. You can't control how a relationship goes. You bring your best self to a relationship.

You hope that the other person does too. But when you enter into a relationship with someone, you actually have no idea how it goes. What you can control is your own growth, your own work. It's like keeping your side of the street clean. The thing you have in your power is the ability to go to therapy, read the books, do the work, make a list of things that you want to improve on yourself, work on being a better friend and partner. That stuff is all in your control. So do I think there's

opportunity for growth in relationships? Absolutely. And I would hope that in any future relationships I have, I grow and the other person grows. And I've definitely grown from boyfriends before. But I just think it starts with you and that's really cool because then you can come with the relationship and be like, I have a lot to give and I've done the work. And that's a really good spot to be in. You allude to some very famous people in the book on your crush list and you allude to dating and or sleeping with them. I'm curious if dating a celebrity is different than dating a non-celebrity. Yeah, it's definitely different. I mean, I live in L.A., which is kind of like everyone in L.A. is celebrity adjacent somehow, but it's definitely different.

I think there's a lot of ego involved. I'll just say that. In your mind, both from the people that you've known, but also the level of fame that you've experienced yourself, How does fame impact being one's authentic self? As the stakes get higher, it can feel scarier to just be off the cuff. And that's something that I really struggle with because I remind myself all the time. The reason that people started following me is because I was my true self. I shared my real opinions.

I would just go for it. And now it's different. I have new people looking at me all the time. I have brands looking at me under a different lens. Maybe I'm not going to talk about eating chocolate mushrooms. much as I used to or whatever. It's just small things like that that any normal person would say, do I want to say that today? Even an example is, let's say I hate a TV show and I have very strong opinions on TV and movies. I would be lying if I said I didn't think, but what if I want to

have a TV show on this streaming service? And what if they're watching and I trashed their show and they know that now my followers aren't going to watch it? Like little things like that, I still try to move in complete authenticity and share my real opinions. But as the microscope gets, bigger and stronger, you kind of check yourself a little bit more than you used to. But I still feel like myself. I still try to be fully authentic because I owe that to my community who supports me every day. What about the ego element of it? Like, is it hard to be yourself when everybody's constantly telling you how great you are and you're kind of defining how great you are by how other people are perceiving you? Yeah, I think it's a really interesting point. I don't think that the human brain

is designed to absorb that much positivity or negativity. In the beginning, you're like, Oh my God, everyone's telling me amazing. I must be amazing. But you also get negative comments too. And then you remember the negative ones more. So for me, my big goal in therapy over the past year has trying to become impervious. So not absorbing the good or the bad. And your ego, I really like to call it out.

I'm like, my ego wants to read the comments. My ego is dying to go read what they're saying about me online. But either way, it shouldn't affect what I do. I try to create work that I'm proud of. I try to create content, podcasts, advice, whatever that I'm proud of and put it out and be proud of it. Because if you start doing things for the comments, good or bad, that's when you really lose your authenticity. That's when you really lose your integrity.

And that's what I try to focus on. It's like, am I proud of this work? Put it out there and feel good about it. So do you not read your comments at all? I try not to. I mean, I read my DMs because that's how I talk to my community. and once in a while I'll get a truly heinous DM from someone who is wishing me harm or whatever, but I really don't.

I try not to read my comments. Of course I slip up. And like same for podcast reviews. I slip up in moments of weakness I'll Google or search for my name on Reddit and it's like the most horrifying thing you can do to yourself. Oh, no. Do you never do that? It's not because I have good willpower.

I want to be super clear about that. I have terrible willpower, but it's not meant for me. Those things that they write about me online are not meant for me. my eyes and I have some very, very extreme haters who write very violent things about me. And what I've learned through very painful trial and error is that it just throws me off for three days. Like when I read something about how they want to hurt me or my family or whatever, all it does is upsets me. So I try to visualize a hair straightener that's been left on for 24 hours. Like I wouldn't go and grab that because I know it's going to burn me and I know it's going to leave them

mark, it's not because I have good willpower, though. Like, I want to be super clear. Sometimes influencers or podcasters or whoever, like, oh my God, I can't believe you read the comment. I'm so above that. I'm not. And by the way, I think it's human nature to want to know what people write about you. Obviously, you would want to write a blog that's basically dedicated to picking you apart. Like, that's human nature. But it's not written for me. That's their hobby. And it's not for me. My thing is I'll do it in moments where I feel low thinking I'll find something that will make me feel good. And then I'll just skim by the 90% of very positive things and zero in on the one or two negative things. And I'll be like, why do I do this? This makes me feel absolutely

terrible. And I hate it. Yeah. We're not supposed to read that. So I try to steer clear. Obviously, being in the public eye makes these problems feel exponentially increased. But I think a lot of people worry about public perception, how other people are viewing them. And that really shapes their ability to find and become who they authentically are. Do you have any advice for somebody who is struggling with that? With even knowing who they are amongst who their family wants them to be, with who their friends want them to be, with what they see on social media as the ideal standard of perfection and what your life should look like. People in the public eye are told by obviously this large audience community what they should be. But to an extent, everybody in the world is being

told who they should be at every moment. Yeah, especially women. That was the whole impetus for writing the book. It took me a very long time to quiet the noise and be like, what makes me happy? What do I want? What makes me feel fulfilled? What people make me feel good to hang around with? Simple things that I actually wasn't able to implement until I was basically 30. You have to really, really take note of what makes you feel good. It's very simple, but you have to get out of your head and into your body and say, okay, this part of my job, I love to do. This part I hate to do. These people are really cool, but every time I have dinner with them, I feel very bad about myself.

I like my boyfriend on paper, but ultimately he does not give me Fannie Flutters and I am very bored with him. You have to get really, really baseline granular with what is making your person feel good or bad. And that's a great place to start. And then you build on that and small. And then you can start to build your toolbox. For me, reading is like a magic pill whenever I'm anxious.

I just say, or sad, I read, and that helps certain people I had to cut out of my life because when I would hang out with them, even though they were like really cool people, they just made me feel terrible about myself, like certain boyfriends. It's like what I was saying before, what makes you feel good. It's like not what it looks like and it's not what it should be. It's how does it feel? And how do you not care what other people think about the things that make you feel good? You get to a point, at least for me, where I was like, that doesn't matter in the end. their acceptance of you or whatever that doesn't keep you warm at night. Take the marriage thing.

I'm 32. I'm unmarried. And people are always like, oh, my God, but people are going to judge you. And it's like, but what does that really mean in actuality? What does that societal pressure mean? And once you free yourself from it because you understand that it's actually fake, it is the most freeing, amazing thing ever. But you have to untangle it and be like, what does that mean?

Yes, maybe at Thanksgiving, your annoying uncle is like, why aren't you married yet? But apart from that, where are you actually feeling the pressure? Because nine times out of 10, it's you projecting other people's thoughts of you back onto you. Do your friends actually care that you're not married? No, they don't care. It's you who's thinking, well, they're judging me because I'm not engaged yet. No, they're not. If they're your real friends.

And if they are, get the fuck away from them. Yeah. It's you replaying your uncle making that one comment and you replay it for months and months and months afterward. Yeah. Okay. I want to go back to dating for a second. you're famous for box theory.

I'm a big fan of the idea that if somebody likes you, there's nothing you can do to mess it up. And if somebody doesn't like you, there's nothing you can do to mess it up. You don't need to text a certain time, whatever. And I think that that's very in line with box theory. That's a little box theory. But at the same time, you have specific suggestions in the book of how to send a good DM, when to text, all of these types of things. So I'm curious if you think there's room or necessity for any type of,

game playing in dating or if you think it's just be yourself, throw it out there and it is what it is. Do I think there's any room for game playing? Not even game playing, just like positioning yourself well. Let me put it that way. It's not like a game playing because once you're in it, you've got to be yourself. But I think that there's positioning yourself well, making a good first impression. You need to make a good first impression asking someone out on a date right away or sending a good DM, position yourself well. But once you're talking, once you've been on that, first date, don't wait for two hours to respond because once you get in that cycle, you're muddying the waters, you're muddying how you feel about them. I think playing games is

so juvenile and such a bad pattern to get into. Obviously, send a fire first DM. Set that up well, but then once you're talking, you're talking and let it flow. The number one rule of habits is to make the things that you want easier and the things that you don't want harder. Yet so many of us want to eat healthier, but so few of us actually take the steps to make eating healthier easier. That's where Marley Spoon comes in. What I love about this company and what's different than all of the other companies out there that are doing stuff in the same arena is that you can customize your choices based on the effort that you want to put in. So if you want them to send you ingredients, so you can make your own 20-minute meal and get into your chef energy, they'll send it to you

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That is birchliving.com slash Liz Moody. And you're going to get 20% off, birchliving.com slash Liz Moody. What if you have the urge to send like 10 text messages because you want the assurance that they like you? Well, I wouldn't do that. You want the blue and the white bubbles on the text to be kind of equal. Or the green and the white. I don't want to discard our Android users out there. Or green and white, yes, exactly.

I do say to my followers matches energy, which I don't think is a game playing thing. I think it's just a common sense thing. And oftentimes it's like a gut check for you because if you're keeping the balloon in the air, the good way to see it is to just simply not reach out to them that much and see if they are reaching out to you to hang out. I don't consider that a game playing exercise. I think that's like a litmus test. If you stop texting him, does he notice? Does he ask to hang? That kind of thing is important to take note of. I don't really consider that game playing. I love the shift that you talk about in the book, which I tell my friends all the time. Stop asking if they like you and start asking if you like them. And I just think we get so caught up at the idea of impressing them and kind of like winning. versus being like, is this a person I'm actually interested in?

Yeah, well, it's because we're told that we have to find a husband. So it's like every date is this insane job interview with cocktails where we have to perform our best selves and get them to like us. And it's like that's not what dating should be at all. It should be a vibe check, especially in the early days. It's just a vibe check. Could we go on another date? That's all it is.

And I think I took everything in dating so personally in my 20s. because I didn't understand that. And I was obsessed with getting validation for men and obsessed with having them call me. So that's really one of the main takeaways that I want people to get from the book is, do you like him? Just be real with yourself. Do you actually like him? Did you actually have a good time on the date?

Or was it you who was being funny? Did he even ask you any questions? Did he pick a cool restaurant? Do you like the way he smells? Like these are the important questions, not is he going to text you? Honestly, changing your brain to think about those things makes you less nervous. because you're externally focused instead of internally focused? Totally.

You're not being judged. It's just a vibe check. And 99% of the time you have the same reaction to each other. Like, it's very rare that things are super one-sided. So in that case, you can't worry about it. Where's the best place to find people to date? Are you on the apps? Not really, honestly, anymore.

I think the apps have sadly become very, very muddied, flaky, a tool for validation. do people still meet on the apps every day, of course, 100%. But I think it's about using them in the right way. Like, I advocate for 10 minutes a day, go on, do your swipes, close out any conversations. You shouldn't be having paragraphs and paragraphs back and forth on an app anyway. Because if you're that into each other, then go for a drink, go meet up. To me, the issue is that now anytime people are bored, they take out their apps and they're just like swiping. It's like social media.

It's like social media. All people want is that hit of like, oh, you've got another. match, oh, this hot person liked you. And then they're like, well, if this hot person like me, maybe there's a hotter person who likes me too. So I'm not going to ask them out. I'm just going to keep swiping. I mean, I don't have the data, but I would bet that the actual meetups from dating abs are in steady decline because people just want that online hit and they want to do it from the safety of their own home. I think the best way to meet people is through friends or setups or just going out in the world. We're like, oh, it's so much more efficient.

do it on the app. And it's like, we still have bars. Like dinner parties still exist. Hobbies still exist. Nothing's changed. We're just trying to like over-gameify this thing we've been doing for hundreds of thousands of years. And it's like, yeah, use the apps, but don't take them too seriously because no one else is. I really want to have one of those parties where everybody brings somebody that everybody else doesn't know. Have you ever been to one of those? I think that's so fun. Yeah, I love those. That's a great way to meet people. Do you have any advice for combating that notion that there always is somebody better out there, both internally, I think, for ourselves, but also it's hard when you feel like you're dating somebody and they kind of have one eye open

because we do have infinite options in this day and age. I would encourage everyone to remember a time when they were in love. And when you are in love or you're about to fall in love, you don't have one eye open. For me, at least, I'm like, I'm sick with obsession with this new person and can see it going forward. I think if you're looking elsewhere, I think if you're looking elsewhere, it's probably not going to be a long-term thing. How have you tapped into your most authentic self-sexual in your 30s versus your 20s? I write a whole chapter about this in the book. I have sex so differently now in my 20s to 30s.

I was so performance-oriented in my 20s. I was all about what does it look like as if I was being filmed for some audition. And I just wanted it to be perfect for the guy. I wanted to sound the right way. I wanted to look the right way. I would have sex for like 40 minutes like sucking in my stomach. It was ridiculous and like make all these silly noises. That's another shift too.

How does it look to like? How does this feel? And in my 30s, I'm just like, this is what I like. This is what I'm into. These are areas I want to explore. This is what I'm not okay with. And I'm so much more into communication. And to me, communication is the most important thing when it comes to sex.

And I think that's very cringy for a lot of young people. But it's actually so hot. And once you say, I like this, let's talk about what we like before we do it. It's exponentially better. And I really hope that's a key takeaway from the book is that people who are maybe still trapped in that performance-based space that can be like, wait, I need to actually think about how I feel and not how it looks. I completely agree.

And also, I have friends who are like, I want to do that. I'm all on board. But in the moment, I'm just nervous about taking too long to come and the guy losing his hard on because I'm taking so long to come or not being perceived as attractive in the moment or things like that. So do you have any advice for in the moment overcoming those messages that we've internalized for so long? First of all, if he's a good guy, he wants you to finish. That's what I think. That should be a baseline. And if he's like, this is taking too long to me, that would just like turn me off and I wouldn't be into that guy anymore. Every partner will be different, but you

have to go in knowing that you are not owed an orgasm, but you're owed a shot at an orgasm. Like, that's how it works. I actually have a podcast episode called orgasm equality because it's so insane. The delta between men and women finishing is absolutely insane. I think it's like the likelihood that a cis het woman will orgasm her first time having sex with a cis het man. Is it like 7%? The opposite way is like 69 or something.

It's different for us. And in my younger years, I was like, oh, my God, like, it's taking too long. I'm just going to fake it. Like big, fake, fake, fake, fake. And now I'm like, no, no, no, no. If I RSVP to the party, I'm coming. It's just something that I'm going to do. And I think we have to have a little healthy entitlement there and be like, this is going to happen.

And I do think it's up to the woman to say what works for her because, again, communication is key. Like, he's not a mind reader. In fact, men are pretty much the opposite to a mind reader. It is our responsibility to be like, this is what makes me come. This is what I like. Let's try this and that. It's your prerogative. What if you've been like fake, fake, fake, performative, performative, performative.

So you have no idea what makes you come. I think that you should masturbate. I think that self-love is a really great way to start. And it's also a really hot thing to know what turns you on. I think it's a great way to think about mechanically what works. So you can give better instructions. And it's okay to be vocal with new partners. Because men love a challenge.

If you're like, oh, I haven't really done this. They're like, oh, my God, this is exciting. I'm going to be the one. It all comes back to communication. Like, I really, really, really encourage everyone to explore yourself and then talk through it and talk through it more. Like, it's a work in progress. We're all refining our sexuality.

We're all growing and learning and exploring and getting deeper in our sexuality. So communication with ourselves and with others is key. Yeah, I would extend it's communication with your partners, but also your friends and all these people that you can learn all of these things from that you might not be aware of otherwise. Exactly. Outside of dating, do you think that being single can help us tap into our most authentic selves? Yeah. Oh my God. That's my whole schick. We never talk about the good aspects of being single because we're worried about being some like Samantha Jones man hating vibe. I love dating. I love having a boyfriend. I love being in love. I can't wait to be in love again.

but I also enjoy being single. And I think that instead of thinking of it as like a means to an end or an either or or a versus, it's like both are fantastic. Enjoy those stages for what they are. And being single is such an incredible way to get to know yourself. You have unlimited time, unlimited independence. You have complete autonomy over your emotions and your social life. And it's a wonderful time to just dig in and be like, what's going on with me right now?

what books do I want to read? What therapy do I want to do? Spending really, really important time with your friends. It's just, there's so much wonderful stuff. And I feel like we've done women such a disservice by saying that we can't be happy when we're single. It's crazy to me. I also think that once you're in a relationship, you miss those nights when you were single, and you could do absolutely whatever you wanted and your home could look however you wanted. And I just think being able to appreciate them knowing they're not going to be forever and you're going to miss them when they're gone is so important. Totally. If I told everyone out there, you're going to meet your love of your life when you're 32. How would you act? You would be like, oh my God, I'm going to enjoy the shit out of this time. I'm going to go on trips with my friends. I'm going to enjoy having the whole closet to myself. I'm going to do this. I'm going to take up a hobby. I'm going to dye my hair pink. That's how everyone should act because most people will have multiple, multiple loves in their life. And you have to drop into a little faith and start living in gratitude because you're right.

Most people do miss that from time to time. I know I will. Speaking of therapy, you've been really open about having anxiety. Anxiety is my biggest lifelong struggle. We talk about it a lot on the podcast. I would love to hear to start how your anxiety has changed your relationship with yourself and what you've learned about yourself through having it over the years. I think that it's kind of like the last area of self-loading that I have because it's the only thing that I can't control. I really, really love myself now. I really like have a great relationship of myself, but it just bothers me that this thing is so overpowering. It can cripple me and can just

ruin weeks at a time of my life or like ruin an experience or like ruin a day. I really love efficiency. I'm a very grateful person and it just bothers me to no end that this thing in my mind can just ruin all that. And I can't fully master it. So in that sense, it's kind of dark, but it's part of me. And again, I'm a work in progress. I hope it's getting better, but I know how to manage it. How does it manifest for you? Do you have panic attacks? Do you have underlying anxiety all the time? How does it show up? I'll have panic attacks, but more for me, I'll just like fixate on something and it will just make me feel awful for like days and days at a time. And I'll like go through these loops. It's just like, it's a loop and I feel it coming and then I'll

like have a panic attack and then I'll be fine and then something will trigger it and I'll have a panic attack and it's just so boring because I want to do a million other things and then I have to just like stop and be anxious or I know I can't go to something because I'm too anxious and like I get kind of rude when I'm anxious because I'm thinking about so much that I can't concentrate or I get short or whatever and so that bothers me so then I don't go out. I really don't like it. I would love to sit here and be like it makes me who I am and it does but it's tiresome like I have shit to do and it gets in the way. I do the best I can't. I think everyone is doing the best they can with it. Are there any tools that you found to be particularly helpful with managing it?

I mean, I really would be lost on my therapist, regular therapy. Sadly, it's like all the boring stuff. It's taking care of myself, routine, exercise, getting enough sleep, journaling, reading, all that stuff. But of course, anyone with anxiety knows it's like when you get anxious, those are the first things to go because you're like, I don't want to sleep. I want to think about this thing that I'm anxious about for 12 hours instead. And personifying it does help me talking about it. Making a joke of it does really, really help me because that's just how I process through humor.

Do you notice a difference when you do your dry January? It's funny because honestly, I get more anxious when I don't. I was just saying this to my girlfriends over the weekend. I was like, it's almost like I have too much time to think. Sometimes some of my worst anxiety comes in January and February. Like, it can go either way. It can go either way. Like I'll be so clean and happy and like clearheaded for,

a while, but then if I get stuck because I'm not really going out, I'll just like loop and I spend way too. I just get a little weird towards the end of February because I usually do dry January and it goes into February and March. By the end of February, I like haven't gone out. I haven't seen anyone. I'm spending way too much time alone, way too much time like reading and like being intense writing. Sometimes you really just do need to get out of your fucking house. Like sometimes that's the key. I go out and I just don't drink. Yeah, that's the key. I'm just such an extreme person. I really am. I have a very hard time with moderation of anything. But yeah, I should do that. So we're shifting the conversation from being authentic in your relationship with other people and finding your

authentic self through that to it in relation to yourself. So you talk a lot about main character energy in the book. I would love to hear what it is in your words and a few practical ways that we can embody it in our lives. So main character energy, and I think it originated on TikTok, but main character energy is just being the main character of your. life. In the context of the book and of dating, it's important to always remember that when you wait around for someone or you accept less than you deserve from a person you're dating, you're elevating them to a higher status in your life than your own. And I did this a lot. If a guy clearly doesn't like you and you're texting him and he's just not texting you back and

you're waiting around, oh my God, is he going to respond? Is he going to respond? Is he going to respond for like weeks on end? You're saying in the movie of your life, this character is more important than me, which is crazy because it's the movie of your life. I think about it. that a lot. And I think about how you always have to be thinking, what are the screenwriters? What are they doing now? Like, what are they doing with her plot? You should think about yourself in terms like that because everyone should have that autonomy over their life and excitement around it in the realm of dating and beyond. It's interesting because that's also a distancing technique. And that's like one of the most used techniques in psychology to get perspective on your own life. Oh, that's good. Well, there we go.

So it's backed up. What are some practical ways that we can be our own best friend? You come into this world the same way that you go out. You go out alone. And some people are like really depressing things. And I'm like, it's not. It's actually not at all because it's like you have to get right with yourself. And I wish I hadn't waited so long. I didn't really examine it. Like I didn't think of me as a person who was friends with me. It's a little woo-woo. But it's you have to talk to yourself like you're your best friend. I know a lot of us women struggle with awful negative self-talk. And when you start to actually catch yourself and put everything through the lens of, would you say that to your best friend? It's shocking. It's shocking. Or the treatment that you would accept. If you start to date a guy and you're getting all these red flags from him, think about if your best friend was starting to date him. You would be like, wait a second. What do you mean he didn't do this? Or what do you mean he said that to you? And it's those little things where you care for yourself. You hug yourself. You think, what do I deserve? And you start

treating yourself like a person you're courting for a close friendship. I think one of the hardest places for women particularly to do that is with their bodies. What is your relationship with your body at this moment? Oh, my God. I was so mean to myself in my 20s, like really horrifically awful. The things that I would say to myself, I would cry. I thought it was so disgusting. I don't think I felt good about my body until I was like 31.

And now I'm definitely not my finest. I am definitely not my smallest, but I'm the happiest I've ever been. And I do feel like I've reached body neutrality or body love. I wish I could go back and hug that girl who did all the yo-yo diets. I tried every diet in the book. I was so hard on myself. Anyone who's done this knows it's like a vicious cycle. And like you do another diet and you lose it a little weight.

So you get happy and then you gain the weight back. I always think about it in terms of vacations too because I always get my followers writing to me. And they're like, I feel so awful. I just went on a trip and I gained weight or like didn't like how I looked at a bikini. And I'm like, I lament the fact that I went on so many trips in my 20s. And all I can remember is like beating myself up in the airport on the way home. Being like, oh, you're disgusting. Like you're awful going into the bathroom by the pool on a girl's trip and like just staring at my ass being like, why does it look like this?

Why? It's a journey. It is not easy. It is not easy for any woman. anywhere and it takes a long time, but I hope that my book offers some practical advice as to just being kind to yourself. You just got to give yourself that grace. And the best friend thing works here too, because you would never comment on your best friend's body. You would never say anything negative to her. The stuff we say to ourselves is outlandish. It's insane what we say to

ourselves. And it's like our body listens also. Like I really do believe that. It's like a thought loop and thoughts become things. I really hope that something I wrote anywhere or said on my podcast like saves women sometime because that is just like a waste. Was there anything else that shifted for you? You said when you were 31 other than being your own best friend. If you were going to give somebody one practical thing they could do today to shift their relationship with their body, what would it be? Honestly, when I started, it's not good to put your body acceptance on other people.

I want to start by saying that. But I will say that when I really started exploring my sexuality and started having fun, having sex. It made me feel good about my body because I felt sexy. And it wasn't because I was getting compliments or whatever. It was just I was using my body in a way that it was supposed to be used. And there was something very cosmic and sexy about that relationship. And that helped snowball. I always say take nudes, even if you're not in a great place with your body because it's just for you. It's not to send to anyone else. But like, take pictures of yourself naked because our whole lives were like, get out of bed and like quickly put on an outfit. And then you change at the end of the day.

And it's like the only times we see ourselves naked are like in the shower or at the beach. And it's very sexy and liberating for me to walk around my house naked or just take a picture of myself naked for me. And then look and be like, wow, I like love this part of my body. And like focus on the parts you love. Everyone has one part of themselves that they love. And then like talk more about that and play it up. If it's your legs, wear the mini dress.

If it's your boobs, wear the low cut top. Take pictures of your boobs for you and be like, that's so. sexy and cool. Because at the end of the day, what I realized is that my weight didn't correlate with pulling hotter guys. The only thing that helped me date more and date better was confidence, truly. And that sounds so cheesy, but it doesn't matter. Like, the fact that I've been losing and gaining the same 10 pounds for the past decade is insane to me. And all the effort that I put into that, I mean, I could have learned like 10 languages with all the effort I put into diet culture. So explore your sexuality, take pictures of yourself, try to pick one thing that you love about

yourself and then really, really actively love it and see where that goes. I'm genuinely confused how master class gets literally the absolute top people in every single field to teach every single one of their classes. I use it when I want to learn things directly, like the cooking class from Thomas Keller has all of the wisdom that you would normally have to go to culinary school for. But also, I'm being honest, this is like a use case I don't hear a lot of people talking about. I'll just watch it for entertainment when I want to do something that's far more interesting than scrolling. Christina Aguilera taught me to sing.

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com slash Liz Moody. Masterclass.com slash Liz Moody. When you think about strength and resilience, like your ability to feel energized, to recover well, to stay strong as you get older, what do you think that actually comes from? Most people say working out are good nutrition. And yes, of course that matters. but there is a biological foundation underneath all of that that most people are completely

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That is timeline.com slash Liz. I love that you say that because I also think we don't realize how much of our notion of the ideal body comes from looking through the gaze of capitalism, essentially, versus like when you're in bed with a person, they are never thinking, oh, she has cellulate or, oh, she's gained 10 pounds or anything like that. They are happy to be there and to be experiencing pleasure. And all of these notions of this is what your body should look like, this is what your way should look like, this way your boobs should look like. That's people trying to

sell you shit. Exactly. I think about the influencers that I follow and they're not the most perfect ones. I think about the women that I find really sexy like in the public eye and they're all the ones who haven't like changed themselves a lot. They all have maybe a unique feature or something special or different about them. And that was another big unlock for me. And again, I know we shouldn't be comparing or relating ourselves, our own body image to others. But to me, it was. was it's inspiring. I think women are beautiful. And I like following sexy influencers and cool people and whatever on Instagram.

And it's like all of the women who I think are dope, who I want to be like or who I think are the most sexy, have something about them that's like a little unique. They're not uniform. They're the ones who are like, yeah, I'm really tall. And that's like my thing. And like I'm going to rock it. Or like, oh, yeah, I have really broad shoulders. But I'm going to wear halter tops anyway.

I've been having this conversation a lot. I have really small boobs. And I used to hate that about myself. But it's become my favorite thing about me. And I'm always wearing a sheer top, my nipples poking out, like, whatever. And I get countless notes of girls being like, I literally hated my small boobs until I saw you wearing them and loving them. And it's like, that's all it takes. It's literally just perspective shift.

How do you think that things like Ozempic or filler or Botox or plastic surgery sit with the notion of loving and accepting yourself as you are? I mean, I get disport and I talk about it all the time. I love my disport. I have done it for a while and I will keep doing it. What do I think about that? I'm going to be honest with you. I don't think that anyone in the public eye owes anyone who follows them a declaration of what they've done or what they take. I don't agree with that.

The only exception is like if you are a fitness influencer and you are saying if you follow my diet plan and my workout plan and you're going to look like me, then you have to be honest. because that's your stick and that's your thing. But I don't think anyone owes anyone anything like to declare. I've also been talking to my followers a lot about posing because I'm absolutely amazing at posing. Like I can make my body look like a supermodel's body and I'm not going to not do that. I don't think that it's my responsibility to like not pose in photos. But I do think it's an interesting conversation. And again, with my disport and I get a lot of facials like I have a style like all these things add up to it. And I'm honest about it. But no, I don't really think that anyone. owes anyone any declarations of anything. What if somebody's questioning it themselves? They're like,

I want to love myself. How does me getting my lips filled fit in with that? I want to love myself. How does me getting dysport or Botox fit in with that? That's a really interesting question. I don't know. I'm kind of stumped on that one, actually. I'm trying to think about the conversation I have with myself about disport. I get disport because I like the way that it makes me look. But it doesn't make me a better person. It doesn't affect my work. It doesn't affect my work. And I think that when you are doing anything to affect your worth or like I'm going to like myself more or I'll be a more valid person or I'll be a more happy person, I think that's very muddy waters. And that's true for my weight.

And I put that in the book too. It's like if I gain five pounds, I'm a little annoyed, but I don't view myself as less valuable. I don't think I'm a less good person. Whereas I used to. I used to literally think that. And it's the same with disport. I love the way that it makes my face look, but I'm not a better person.

person because I have it. I struggle with it too. I think that where I come down on it is like you can fight to have the beauty standards change societally, but it's a lot of pressure to put on women to have to do that fight and to have to live within the society that has those beauty standards. And it feels like just another way of punishing women in essence to say like, no, no, you have to live in this world and you can't do anything about it because you have to be leading the charge to love yourself exactly as you are. You can do both. Yeah, there was a girl on TikTok who said, said you're decorating your cages when you do anything. And people really clap back. We still have to live in the world. We are still battling all this stuff. And you can do both. A lot of it is like self-awareness.

Really examine why you're doing whatever you're doing. Like really think, am I good with myself? Because if you are, you know that it doesn't matter. You could take this stuff or leave it. You prefer it. You prefer the way you can look with it. But it doesn't change your value in the eyes of your friend or your family or it doesn't make you better at your job. It doesn't make you a more moral person. I even think that that framing of preference versus necessity is helpful. I would love to talk about your authentic self in terms of your work and your job. How important do you think it is to have a job that you're passionate about in terms of living your most authentic life? I think it's a privilege to like your job. I really do. I am very honest when I talk about it because I absolutely love my

job. I didn't like my job until three years ago. And I do understand that it is a privilege. For most people, a job is a way to make money to live. And that's something we have to be very real about. Because especially from millennials, they were like, everyone should found a company. Like if you're not, you're not a girl boss and you're a loser and you're a failure. And it's like, okay, well, not everyone is a founder. Okay. Not everyone has an idea for a D to C brand. This obsession with loving your job is so American. For most people, it's just like a thing you do to get money and like it's okay. And if you kind of like it, that's a good thing. So in terms of being your authentic self, it's like, yes, of course it's great to have a job that you like. And if you are early in your career, you're still figuring out, that's okay. But also if you're in a job that you don't really find that fulfilling and you're still wondering what that next step is, that's okay too. It's okay to just need money and work for money. It almost feels mean because it puts extra pressure on you to have to fill your outside of work life with all these passions when it's like we all have the same amount of hours in the day. We're all tired at the end of the day, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah, it is. I think that there's a lot of pressure to be passionate today. And something that I always talk about is following your curiosity and not your passion. Because most of the time we don't know what our passion is. Like what are you truly passionate about? Maybe one cause. Maybe one thing.

But most of us, it's very difficult to define what we're passionate about. So instead, follow your curiosity. Maybe you're curious about restaurants and every weekend you try a new restaurant. Or maybe you're curious about this person that you met in a networking event. And you don't know if meeting them is going to lead to a job, but you go and meet them. You don't know. I have always found that to be a very helpful, practical nugget because when people are just like, you have to be passionate at your job, follow your passion.

it can feel so big and so confusing and just not helpful at all. So I would say following your curiosity is a good way to live. You talk in the book about a big moment where you didn't necessarily love your job. The online controversy that you said, quote, stripped you to your bones. I would love to hear you speak a little bit more about that time in your life and what you learned from it and if it changed you in any way. Yeah, it totally changed me. It was a very hard time in my life.

life. It was a very strange experience, but overall, I am about a year out now, and I know it sounds cheesy, but I am actually very grateful for the experience because I learned a lot. And I think that if you grow from something, then it's not negative. I'm very sorry for what I said. The tweets that I tweeted when I was 21, they weren't nice, but they were over 10 years ago. And I apologize and tried to move on. I'm grateful that it happened. I want to be a living proof that you can grow and change and I have in so many areas. And this is just another one. I hope people can learn that you can make mistakes and grow from it and move on. A lot of online figures live in fear, like trembling, shaking fear of being canceled. I'm curious after that experience. There's a podcast series I really like that basically made the argument that cancellation doesn't actually exist. And then there's a lot of people who say that cancellation is necessary to not. platform people who are spewing hate and things like that. I'm curious what your thoughts are on cancellation having gone through the experience that you did. I understand why people think that cancellation isn't real because they'd say, well, tinks is fine. I think it goes back to what I was saying.

Cancellation actually isn't about the thing, which is why it's so frustrating. If we learn something about, let's say, fat phobia from my tweet gate, I would be even more fine with it. I'd be like, okay, well, then we learned something. So it's fine. But it wasn't even about that. It was just about tearing me to shreds. And I think that's what so many people find frustrating. I also think it's really important to note that canceling happens mainly to women. To be a man, to be canceled, you have to sexually assault like 20 people, and then all the brave survivors have to come forward. And then we still don't even cancel the man sometimes. But canceling happens so frequently to women because it's become largely passe to be openly misogynistic to women these days.

but they've found a loophole where you can cancel a woman about something and then not talk about the thing, but just use it to hurl violent misogyny at her. Most of the comments weren't about what I said or the fact that I tweeted 10 years ago. It was like, I'm going to kill you. I'm going to come to your house and murder you. It's very interesting. And I want to be super clear. I'm not saying that what I said was right at all because it wasn't.

And I'm not saying that other women out there haven't done or said things that are wrong. but often the punishment doesn't match the crime. In that sense, I understand why people think cancellation's real. It's because it's an ineffective way to create change. It's an effective way to ruin someone's life. Do you feel like you did any reckoning with yourself that you wouldn't have done otherwise? Or do you think that you'd already done that reckoning? And by the time the cancellation happened, it was like, okay, I've already changed in these ways.

No, like I said, I'm grateful that it happened. It definitely taught me a lot about myself. It's easy when things are easy. And that was a very hard time. It was a lot of ego death because I had no hope. And I didn't think that I was going to live through it. So I really reexamined. The thing is I had already come to that place.

I would write about this in the book. But when I was 21, like I spoke about, I really hated my body. I was very unhappy. And I thought that by making silly jokes about other people's bodies, it would make me feel better. By the time I was 31, I had already gotten over that. And I already knew that. So it was just like reliving that. again, it was a good reminder.

Yeah, I will say I really appreciated how head on you addressed both the earlier tweets and the later tweets in your book. You weren't beating around the bush in any way. It was all very direct and forthright. And I appreciated that. Thank you. The other thing I'd love to talk about in terms of work, there's two more things. Jealousy and money.

I think the scarcity mindset really penetrates how we view other people and other women, particularly having success. In some ways, in very real ways, there's only so much. many seats for women at the table. And in some ways, that's a perception that's proliferated so that women won't try for those seats. I'm curious if you ever struggle with jealousy or a scarcity mindset. I'm not a jealous person. I mean, I've got 110 problems, but I've never been a jealous person, which I'm very grateful for. I don't really now at this point in my life struggle with scarcity mindset. Like, I think I still fall into comparison sometimes because it's natural, but that's

why comparison is the Thieva Joy is one of my main mantras. I really have done a lot of work on myself because it's not how I wanted to live and it really destroyed a lot of my late 20s, just worrying that there wasn't enough husbands to go around or jobs or whatever. And then when I stopped worrying about that is when my life got really good. Do you have any tips for somebody who finds themselves being jealous all the time? One tip for jealousy that I think is really effective is you can't pick and choose things to be jealous of. If you're jealous of someone getting married, then you have to ask yourself, would I swap entire lives with them? Like, would I fuck that guy? Exactly that guy for the rest of my life? Would I be in her house? Would I have given up

those fun nights? Would I have made those sacrifices or whatever it is? Her entire life, you would trade places freaky Friday tomorrow? That's the only time you're allowed to be jealous because it doesn't work that way. People think like, oh, well, I want to be like famous. And it's like, okay, well, would you take the death threats? Would you take this? Would you take that? People are like, I want to be like my friend, they're rich. And it's like, okay, well, your friend spent all of their 20s in investment banking, like killing themselves in the office. Would you trade that? Because nothing is in a silo. And I think that that's a really good way to practically dismantle and a feeling of jealousy. Yeah, I use that technique all the time. It's maybe the only thing that works for me with jealousy because 99% of the time,

as you said, I'm like, I don't like her husband. And I don't think I could spend the rest of my life with them. And then to the wealth point, as you pointed out, your life has changed dramatically in the last three years. I did freelance writing as well. I think people don't realize how little it pays. And then now you're making significantly more money than that. I'm curious if that change in wealth has changed your self-perception or your relationship with yourself in any way and if it's impacted your relationship with other people. It hasn't changed my relationship with myself. it has changed my relationship with other people, I think, a little bit. I just view money very differently now.

I really view it as a tool to create experiences and time with my friends and my family. And it's different. That's obviously a privilege to say that. That's a privilege to be in that position for many people. Working is to live and to pay rent. And to have any extra money now is just such a privilege for me. And I feel so grateful. I use it for different things than I thought I would.

Like I thought that if I ever made a lot of money, money, I'd be like having so many handbags and whatever. But instead, I'm like, no, I want to take my parents to Italy and spend special time with them. So feel very lucky. For whatever reason, I feel very solid in my relationship with myself. I mean, not for whatever reason. Like, I've done the work. I don't view myself as a bad person if I gain weight. I don't view myself as a good person if I make money. You have to be so right with yourself when you cut off every other outside indicator and only focus on if you're living in your truth, I really think that that's my sauce of being happy. When I get married, like, I won't view myself as a more valid person.

Like when I have a boyfriend, I don't think I'm a cooler or better person. Nothing affects how I feel about myself apart from the work that I put out and the way that I treat people and the way that I treat myself. And that's really all you can allow to affect your relationship with yourself. Did you ever feel less than like four or five years ago when maybe your friends were achieving levels of success and wealth and you weren't achieving those levels of success and wealth? Yeah. And that was the whole impetus for starting the work because I was like, I can't do this. I had that time had no foreseeable career path. I had no money. I had no boyfriend and I hated my body. So I was like, I can't do this for the rest of my life. Like there must be another way.

I could either try to validate my existence through all those external things. Like could I have found some random guy to marry? Sure. Could I have started myself into the body I wanted? Sure. Could I have gotten some engaged and done the whole Instagram money? Yeah, found some job. Maybe.

That's not going to feel good if you're just using it to try and make yourself like yourself because ultimately it's external. It's an inside job. If somebody was there right now, where would you have them start? What would be one first thing you would have them do? Go to therapy. Just go to therapy. Find a therapist that you like.

Tell them what's going on. Be real about your goals and the things you want to improve on yourself. And start reading. Start finding things that work for you. Gabby Bernstein, Untethered Soul, the artist's way. You're not going to like all of it. Some of it will be too woo-woo for you. Some of it will be too sciencey for you.

But pick and choose and make a toolbox because you're in it with yourself for the rest of life. So it's good to know what makes you feel good. I love that. The last thing that I want to touch on quickly is I think a lot of people really admire the friendships that you have. You've had these very long term at Seba's friendships that have lasted a very long time. I'm curious if you have any tips. Would you say most of your friends are from college or do you have best friends who are more recent in your life? I definitely have best friends who are more recent, but all of my friends from like my best friends from childhood and my best friends from college are still my best friends. And I'm lucky that I have new ones too. I'm very lucky with my friendships. Do you have any tips for making

friends as an adult? Vulnerability is like the number one thing. No one wants to be friends with someone who keeps all their cards close to their chest, especially women to women. And I'll just cut the shit here. But if you sit down and you're not willing to share anything, it's going to be pretty hard to get to know you. And I really encourage people to let's share what's going on with your friends. That's how you get deeper. Share your fears. Squash that scarcity mindset, squash that competition thing. If they're your real friends, they're not going to judge you. They're not going to you any differently if you say you're fighting with your boyfriend or your husband. That's when you get deep. That's when they turn around and say, oh, you know, we nearly got a divorce last year. Let me tell you what happened there. Like,

let me help you. Don't be closed off. You can't get through. Friendship is based on vulnerability, in my opinion. It's my biggest pet peeve. I'm so open. And when people are not and you just feel like you're talking to a wall. It drives me absolutely insane. I can't do it. Yeah. Can you share one tip for being a good friend to the friends that you have? Just giving them grace, like in your 20s, 30s and beyond. Sometimes people are right to me and they'll be like, my friend forgot like my kid's second birthday. Like they said happy birthday day later. I'm like most people, if they're your friends, are doing their best. Most people are doing their best. And as an adult, everyone's busy. And guess what? No one's life is more important than anyone else's. You're not more important because you have a job and your

friend has kids. You're not more important because you're getting married and your friend isn't. Everyone's life is important and everyone's shit is important and you're no more busy or less busy than your friend. So just give them grace. Everyone is doing their best and friendships go a lot easier if you live that way. I absolutely love that. If you could leave listeners with one single action step, a homework assignment that they could do right after, turning off this podcast to figure out their most authentic self and then step into that person, what would it be? Journal, get a journal and write your gratitude list.

Like, start to pick out common threads of what is on there, what makes you feel good, and just start to take note. And being grateful is it the key of everything I do because it grounds you in the present. It gives you perspective. I really would encourage that. I love that you said to reflect back on it, though, because I think there's a difference between writing a gratitude list to feel good in the moment and then using it. it like a detective to figure out what you want your life to look like. Right. No, it's good. There's a lot of

hidden Easter eggs in your journaling. So look closely. Can you tell us a little bit in your own words about your book and where people can find you online? My book, The Shift, is a guidebook for self-esteem. It is really fantastic for anyone at any age. If you're in a relationship, if you're not, there is a lot of funny dating stories, anecdotes, and from my misadventures in my 20s. It's a little bit of everything and it's really, really focused on raising your self-esteem, knowing your worth, and how that will make dating easier, make you be a better partner, a better friend, have a better relationship with yourself. I am at Tynx, T-I-N-X on all platforms, and I have a podcast, It's Meetings on Sirius and a radio show. It's Meetings Live every Wednesday on Sirius as well.

Amazing. Well, thank you so much. I absolutely loved your advice on all of these topics, and thank you so much for sharing it with us. Thank you, Liz. Thank you for having me. That was great. I hope you loved this episode and got some good, juicy nuggets that you can begin to take into your life today. Please share a link for the episode with anyone you think would benefit or just anyone that you want to talk about this stuff with. I would argue that we all have at least one area of our lives that we are not living as authentically as possible.

And I really hope Tinks's advice helps. And if you're new here, first of all, welcome. I am so glad that you're here. Now, make sure that you are following the podcast on whatever platform that you like to listen on. You're just going to go to the main podcast page. That's the one that lists all of the healthier together episodes. And you'll see the word follow under the logo on Spotify.

And then there's a little follow with a plus sign button on the top right of that same page on Apple Podcasts. That way, all of our new episodes will show up right in your feed so you will never miss out on one. And we have some incredible episodes coming up, including one all about how to stop dieting forever. And another one about the new type of therapy that's transforming people's lives. So make sure that you're following so you do not miss out. Okay, I love you, and I will see you next Wednesday on the next episode of the Healthier Together podcast. I very rarely get genuinely excited about skincare, but this is one of the most innovative products that I have come across in years. And I am so obsessed with it.

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