The Liz Moody Podcast - These Popular Happiness Hacks Didn't Work For Me (+ The Science-Backed Tricks I Use Instead)

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

You all LOVED my episode on the 4 happiness hacks that actually work for me, so today I’m going to share the popular, common happiness tips you’ve all likely heard before that DON’T work for me, and what I do instead to feel good day to day. And of course, we get into the science and research to back it all up. Check out the previous episodes of The Liz Moody Podcast discussed today: I’ve Tried Hundreds of Happiness Hacks—These 4 Actually Work The Seven-Minute Secret To Happiness That No One Is Talking About with Dr. Dacher Keltner Ready to uplevel every part of your life? Order Liz’s book 100 Ways to Change Your Life: The Science of Leveling Up Health, Happiness, Relationships & Success now!  Connect with Liz on Instagram @lizmoody or online at www.lizmoody.com. Subscribe to the substack by visiting https://lizmoody.substack.com/welcome.  To join The Liz Moody Podcast Club Facebook group, go to www.facebook.com/groups/thelizmoodypodcast. Use our discount codes from our  highly vetted and tested brand partners by visiting https://www.lizmoody.com/codes.  This episode is brought to you completely free thanks to the following podcast sponsors: AG1: visit DrinkAG1.com/LizMoody and get your FREE year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs today. LMNT: go to DrinkLMNT.com/LizMoody to get a free LMNT sample pack with any order. The Liz Moody Podcast cover art by Zack. The Liz Moody Podcast music by Alex Ruimy. Formerly the Healthier Together Podcast.  This podcast and website represents the opinions of Liz Moody and her guests to the show. The content here should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for information purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare professional for any medical questions. The Liz Moody Podcast Episode 358. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, friends, and welcome back to the Liz Moody podcast. Today, we are doing a fun little episode that is based on an episode that you loved. It was called I've tried hundreds of happiness hacks. These four actually work, which of course begs the question. What are the hacks that didn't work? So we are going to get into those today. I'm going to share things that people commonly tell you that you should be doing for your happiness and why the science might not necessarily support those things and why they didn't work for me.

And of course, because I really try my absolute best to never leave you high and dry on this podcast, I'm going to share what I do instead. The first happiness trick people commonly tell you to do that did not work for me is having a traditional gratitude practice. I have tried to do this for literal years. I have heard so many experts talk about how gratitude is one of the key secrets to happiness in life and the research behind gratitude is impressive. it has been shown to stop rumination. It's been shown to reduce cortisol levels. It's been shown to

create positive feedback loop so our brain is more likely to think happy thoughts in the future, which all sounds amazing in theory. But when I've tried to do more traditional gratitude practices in the past, like listing three things a day that I'm grateful for in my journal or trying to make Zach do three things a day with me, which you really loved when I, like, we're both falling asleep in bed and I'm like, okay, time to say three things that we're grateful for. When I try to do it like that, a few different things happen. First of all, Zach, it's annoyed with me. But then it also has sparked comparison and feelings of lack. As I'm trying to focus my brain on the things that I have, it drifts to things that other people have that I wish that I had or just things that I would like to have that have

generally evaded me. And then instead of feeling fuller and happier, I feel envious and I feel sadder. I know this isn't like a super cute look what I am sharing here, but it is my lived experience and I want to be honest with you guys in case anybody else goes through this as well. And then the other thing that happens when I try to do a gratitude practice is that I end up being grateful for the same things over and over and over. I read through an old gratitude journal to prepare for this episode. And it's literally like the sun on my skin, which is a big one that I'm often grateful for. But then to the previous point, it makes me notice how happy the sun makes me, which makes me

how unhappy the lack of sun makes me. So there's that like negative thoughts coming in with the gratitude. But it's like, okay, it's like the sun on my skin. It's Zach. It's Bella over and over and over because she was still alive then. It's my macha. And I'm trying to notice the new different things, but the things that I'm really grateful for tend to be consistent.

And then it starts to feel really rote as a practice. And then I inevitably fall off after doing it for, you know, a few weeks, maybe a month. So the good news is I'm not a completely ungrateful person. While I could never quite stick with a traditional gratitude, journal, I learned something from my UC Berkeley professor, Dr. Docker-Keltner, that has completely changed how I do it. He is one of the top happiness researchers in the world. He was on an episode of the podcast that's all about easy ways for us to be happier, that I can link in the show notes. And he said gratitude is most effective when it's expressed to other people. Ever since I've

made it my daily practice to share one small piece of gratitude with somebody in my life. So this can be a text to a friend. It can be telling Zach how. grateful I am that he does the dishes all the time. It can be telling a team member, something that they did that I really appreciated. And I want to emphasize that these can be super tiny. I am not talking about writing like a lengthy letter extolling paragraphs and paragraphs of virtues. No, it's like, I am so grateful that you are the kind of person that I can sing musicals at the top of my lungs with. Or I really appreciated your feedback on that podcast episode outline. You really understand our brand voice and you have such great contributions. What I love about this is it puts me

on the lookout for things that I am grateful for in other people all of the time. So I am much more likely to notice my friends and Zaks and my teammates' amazing qualities and things that they are doing. And the thing is, those things are already there. But when we prime our brains to look out for them, we are so much more likely to notice them. And then it just feels absolutely. delightful to get to tell all the people in your life, all the wonderful things about them and about your interactions. Plus, research shows that people who receive gratitude are more likely to help again. So you're actually making all of these things that you like in your social interactions more likely to keep happening in the future, which is why I tell Zach that I am grateful that

he does the dishes every single day. I need to start telling him that I'm grateful he folds the laundry and he'll be like, well, I don't fold the laundry. And I'll be like, oh, perhaps you should start. Also, it's worth noting that the research shows that having some kind of gratitude practice is how you get all of those benefits that I talk about. You get the increased happiness. So my big advice here is that there are lots of ways to do it and you should play around to find something that works for you. Okay. The second happiness hack that did not work for me is any sort of positive thinking or good vibes only energy when I am trying to feel better. And research actually, backs this up. Studies show that forcing yourself to think positively when you are feeling bad can create what's called emotional dissonance, which can make you feel worse, not better. If you have heard the phrase toxic positivity, this is what it's referencing. It is basically emotional gaslighting. Feel free to send this episode to anybody who might do this to you. Instead of making you happier, it invalidates your actual experience. And then it makes you feel guilty on top of whatever you were

already feeling because you are not feeling the way that you are supposed to, is supposed to in really big quotes here, supposed to be feeling. And this emotional suppression is linked to increased depression. It's linked to increased anxiety. So it is literally making us feel worse. So what does work for me? There is research into something called emotional acceptance, which is just letting yourself feel however you feel without any judgment.

Studies have shown that if you can accept negative emotions and give yourself grace for experiencing them instead of trying to push them away, you'll have better long-term mental health and higher overall life satisfaction. It also helps when we can just acknowledge our emotions as temporary, transient states and not absolute truths about ourselves or the situations that we're in. When I first read the research, I was like, okay, that's great, but how do I actually do that? Like, how do I, in the moment, pragmatically embrace really hard, shitty feelings? And the thing that's hands down help me the most with this is discovering something called psychological richness, which is research that shows that a good life is filled with novel experiences and

emotions, both good and bad. Psychological richness is why we can look back and feel grateful for some of our worst experiences. It's us gaining meaning and purpose from struggle and viewing it as a key part of life rather than something to be avoided at all costs. This is really different than being like, everything happens for a reason. It's being like, this happened, and here's how I changed as a result of it. Here's the post-traumatic growth I can applaud myself for. It's not like, wow, I love going through this excruciating breakup. Hooray!

It's this excruciating breakup is part of the experience of being alive. It's recognizing the beauty of life is that it includes all of the feelings and that often we appreciate feelings more in contrast to each other. The breakups make the beauty of falling in love that much sweeter. Often this sense making does not happen in the moment. Like, I have only just begun to appreciate the incredibly anxious period of my life where I was agoraphobic and I couldn't get out of bed without having a panic attack for months. For literally years, I was like, I wish I hadn't moved to England so I wouldn't have gone through this because it just felt like it had derailed my entire life. But now I'm like, first of all, it's the reason I shifted my journalism career to focus on

wellness, which has led to this podcast and this whole phase of my career, which I am just so, so grateful for. It also gave me more empathy and a richer sense of the full scope of myself. I also think about this often with my grief experience. If you don't know, I lost my cat, Bella this year after having her for 15 years and it has been wrenching like bawling, screaming, crying, like physical pain. I miss her so, so, so much. And my grief has tapped me into parts of myself that I did not know existed. It has connected me to parts of other people that I've never been able to connect with in this full way before. It was awful. It still is awful. Rarely a week goes by when I do not cry about her. And, and there's beauty to be found there.

That psychological richness, and I find it so, so much more helpful than just trying to force my way into happiness. So my advice here is to give your share. grace and compassion for the negative feelings that you have. Think about the psychological richness that you're gaining and remind yourself that feelings are temporary instead of trying to just positive talk your way into feeling better. You'll actually have better long-term mental health and higher overall life satisfaction because of it. Look, I'm never going to make everything that I wear organic, but your sheets, your pillows, your comforter are literally touching your skin for eight hours every single night. That is a third of your life right there with

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five-star reviews. The data backs everything up for a limited time. Get 15% off with code Liz at one skin.co slash Liz. Again, that's 15% off at oneskin.com with code Liz. Okay, the next common happiness hack that does not work for me is trying to get that dopamine high via shopping. I hesitated to include this on here because first of all, I feel like we kind of know that buying shit doesn't make us happy. And second of all, I'm actually not opposed to little treat culture. Like when the world feels scary and buying something like a house feels out of reach, why not buy yourself a fun macha or coffee drink and have this little moment of joy? But I still think this is worth talking about because even though I know this dopamine type of

shopping will not make me happy, I still do it all of the time. I'll be having a bad day and I'll see an Instagram ad for a cute shirt and I'll buy the cute shirt and for a few minutes I feel happier. But inevitably, the new shirt comes and even if I like it, the feeling fades after a while. It becomes an old shirt and I returned to the same happiness levels that I was at before. The lack of happiness that we get from retail therapy is very well documented. We get a hit of dopamine from the initial purchase, but then we quickly return to baseline and sometimes even worse than baseline because we are beating ourselves up for spending money on dumb shit. And we spend so much money on dumb shit. Sometimes I look around Target or I look

on my social media feed and I just think, wow, it is wild how much literal crap we are being manipulated into buying at pretty much all times. And it has gotten so much worse recently with TikTok shop and Instagram ads, which I guess props to them for doing their job so well, but Instagram ads are so well targeted. They get me way more than any other platforms. I'm like, wow, you knew exactly what I was looking for. And then I end up spending money that I did not need to spend and then I feel guilty. And I think the antidote to this, the thing that actually makes me happy, is going back to the fun little drinks that we just talked about, which is that's actually an experience. I love getting my machas out. Yes, I can make them at home. I make them very well.

Thank you. And I often do do that. But when I go out to get my matcha, usually I am taking a walk somewhere. And movement is actually one of the best ways to increase happiness levels. I'm hanging out in a cute cafe in a fun and new environment and novel experiences are great for happiness. And I work from home, so this is sometimes my main excuse to interact with other human beings during the day, which is a micro-connection that increases happiness and baseline optimism. There is so much research that shows that when we spend money on having experiences, instead of buying things, the happiness lasts way longer. Experiences become part of our identity in a way that stuff just be.

does not. They are woven into the stories that we tell about our lives. I cannot remember a single thing that I bought last summer, but I remember kayaking with my friends and the little otters that we kayaked with who were holding hands, holding hands while they were sleeping on the Elkhorn slew. I can close my eyes and I can still picture how that day smelled and how the air tasted and how one of my friends brought this jar of pickles that she randomly held in her lap all day. That person's actually a public figure. So if you figure out who it is and you want to ask them, what is up with that strange pickle behavior?

Feel free. But I would challenge you. Try to remember something that you bought like a year ago, two years ago, and then try to remember an experience that you had. And I would bet that the experience would come through much, much stronger. Experiences also typically get better as we remember them more, whereas physical stuff loses its luster over time. The annoying parts of experiences fade.

I took this one vacation a few years back, and I remember at the time being like, this is the worst vacation of my entire life. The people that I was with did not get along. Everybody was just really grumpy the whole time. The weather sucked. And now when we get together, we reminisce so fondly about that trip, about how gorgeous it was, about how quiet and peaceful it was. The annoying parts of experiences fade over time and the good parts get better, which is pretty much the opposite with any things that we can buy. New phones feel like fun and new and shiny for a week. New outfits are exciting for the first few times that you wear them and then they're just normal clothes in your closet. Experiences also give you a hit of happiness from anticipation.

One of my all-time favorite facts is that we actually enjoy anticipating experiences more than experiences themselves because in our head, when we are anticipating an experience, nothing has gone wrong yet. It hasn't run into a... any of the frustrations that come with reality, which, again, per my bad vacation story, you'll probably forget post facto, but still, you get to enjoy experiences twice when you are anticipating them and then when you're actually having them. I love to take advantage of this by making planning a trip as much a part of a trip as the trip itself. I will schedule time to focus only on planning. And then I really let myself daydream. I like go through all the hotel property

pictures and I get really excited for it. I lean into that pre-experience anticipation, that pre-experience enjoyment. And I know we often think about experiences as these like big things, like going on a vacation. But I want to emphasize that going out to get a coffee or a macha for yourself counts. You can enjoy the anticipation and then enjoy it again in the moment. That is an experience. And again, because we live in a world where we are being primed way more than we are even aware of to think that we need to buy stuff all of the time, I just really try to be hyper aware of this and to remind myself that my money is far better spent on experiences than things. And I maybe also use it to justify the insane amount of money that I spend on matcha.

And lastly, let's talk about the 5 a.m. Wake Up Happiness Hack that wellness influencers are always going on about. I've always thought it was kind of a bullshit wellness hustle culture thing. I believe that instead of forcing ourselves into somebody else's schedule that we see on Instagram. We should be listening to our own chronotype, our body's unique circadian clock. I am a night owl. I have been for as long as I can remember. And I was always like, if you are a night owl, it is worse for you to fight that chronotype and try to be an early riser than to lean into your natural tendencies. And then, some very annoying research came out. Stanford Medicine surveyed 75,000 adults and they found that going to sleep late was correlated with higher rates of mental.

and behavioral health disorders, regardless of a person's chronotype. So basically, even night owls were better off if they went to bed earlier and woke up earlier. And I was like, well, shit. Because I want better mental health. I tried forsee myself to go to sleep earlier and to wake up earlier. And guess what? I got raging insomnia. I became so anxious trying to fall asleep earlier and I felt unbelievably tired in the morning, so much so that I was barely functional. And this is. speaks to the difference between research and lived reality. Research is about what is generally true, not what is specifically true for you. This is an evidence-based wellness podcast. I love science,

and I think it's an incredibly useful tool for giving us ideas for things to try that might make us feel better, for giving us directions to go in. And we are unique humans and we need to trust our own experiences in the world. For me, going to bed at midnight work. I wake up around 7.30 and I have enough time before I start my work from home job at 9 to have a morning routine that makes me feel the way that I want to feel, which I do think is key and one of the reasons why people love to pedestalize 5 a.m. wakeups. It is so, so important to create some space, even if it is just five minutes to prime your brain to feel the way that you want to feel each day. I will also say, I saw the headline about this study and it was like, even night owls need to go to bed or earlier and I got all freaked out. And then I dove into the research itself and they actually recommend lights out by 1 a.m. which I am already doing. And this is a really common experience. We see something covered a certain way in the media and we only get part of the story. So I also encourage you to dive into what the research really says before you modify your behavior, especially if it's a

behavior that's already working for you. But in general, if it is working for you, that is amazing. Wellness is a tool to help you change your life to help you feel the way that you want to feel. If you already feel the way that you want to feel in a certain arena of your life, please, for the love of all things holy, do not change that thing just because of something that you hear on a podcast or you see on social media. If you already have your desired results, you are living the dream. Stick with it. Save your energy for the parts of your life that you are less satisfied with. I always, always, always say this because it is so important. Wellness is a tool, not an end unto itself.

The second that wellness is making your life worse, it is no longer wellness. All right, shall we summarize? I do not do traditional gratitude journaling. I do tiny daily moments of expressed gratitude to other people instead. I do not do a positive vibes or like trying to trick my brain into positive vibes only. I practice emotional acceptance. I lean into psychological richness so that all of my feelings, even the hardest ones, have a place. I'm not trying to push them away. I do not buy more stuff. Okay, mostly don't buy more stuff. I still am very susceptible to the Instagram ads.

Like, they're so good. But I try not to buy more stuff, hoping that it will make me happy. I really, really try to spend my money on experiences, even little tiny experiences like going out for my machas because those actually stick in my brain. They help me tell the narrative story of my life and they elevate my mood, my happiness levels far more in the long run. And I do not force myself into a 5 a.m. wake up. I stick with a bedtime and a morning routine that actually work for my life and my energy, even if it is not what the research shows or the headlines say. I will link the happiness This Hacks that actually work for me episode in the show notes. It's one of my favorite episodes that I've ever done.

And it really covers things that you haven't heard anywhere else that made a huge difference in my life. If you know somebody who would benefit from this episode, please send them a link. I'm doing this challenge of four things that I want to do before I am 40 on my Instagram because I just turned 39. You can head over to at Liz Moody to check out all four things and why I'm doing this and my plans for accomplishing each one. But one of those things is hitting number one.

on the health podcast charts for four weeks straight. So basically unseating the same five men that are always at the top of the charts. And the single best way to do this is you guys sharing podcast episodes with other people that you think would love them, spreading the word about the show. I know so many of you guys already do this. I appreciate it so, so much. You can find discount codes for every ad that you heard in this episode and all of our current brand partners, which includes the world's most tested, pure fish oil, creatine, the best

soap that I have ever found my current favorite weight training workout and more at Liz Moody.com slash codes. Thank you so much for using our codes. It is how we keep the podcast free for you to listen to. Okay, I love you and I am so grateful to get to spend this time with you, and I will see you on the next episode of the Liz Moody podcast. Oh, just one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, a psychotherapist, or any other qualified professional. The number one rule of habits is to make the things that you want easier and the things that you don't want harder. Yet so many of us want to eat healthier, but so few of us actually

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