The Liz Moody Podcast - Zack Answers YOUR Dating & Relationship Questions

Episode Date: May 20, 2020

On this week’s super casual conversation, I had Zack answer YOUR dating and relationship questions. This is just one guy’s opinion (Zack can’t speak for all men!), but I loved his take on things. He answers: What’s up with guys ghosting? What made him finally propose/why a lot of guys wait a long time to propose What’s the best way to get guys to talk about feelings? How much does he think about body image? What’s his opinion on spirituality and out-there elements of wellness? Does he notice when women wear makeup? What does he think of it? On the flip side, does he notice when I wear sweatpants for months? What does he think of that? What’s the best way to meet nice guy? And more! Let me know if you like this format, and I can make Zack sit down for more Q&As. Enjoy! PS: Healthier Together is officially a number one best-seller! You can get your copy on Amazon or at lizmoody.com/cookbook. Please keep sending me your creations on Instagram—they make me so happy! I am SO excited about this week’s sponsor, SOUND. SOUND combines sparkling water with certified organic tea, botanicals and fruit extracts. They don’t use any sweeteners, so they’re both sugar and artificial sugar free, but they still somehow taste amazing. My very favorite one is Chamomile with Vanilla and Elderflower, which tastes just like cream soda, and Zack loves the Green Tea with Grapefruit and Mint and the Blood Orange and Vanilla with Black Tea. They’re one of my favorite soda alternatives, and they’re also an awesome base for mocktails or cocktails. You can get 20% off at drinksound.com by using the code LIZ. Enjoy! Healthier Together cover art by Zack. Healthier Together music by Alex Ruimy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, friends, and welcome back to the Healthier Together podcast. If you're new here, I am your host, Liz Moody, and I am a writer, cookbook author, podcast host living in Brooklyn, New York. And I am joined today by a very special guest, who you guys might guess who it is, since I am not allowed to interact with other people right now. It's my husband, Zach. Say hi. Oh, hello.

Oh, hello. And I thought it would be fun today to do a little, I don't know, something different. So basically, often when I'm hanging out with my girlfriends, many of whom are single, many of whom are in relationships, will end up kind of grilling Zach for his opinion on various things in relationships, in dating life, all of that. So I thought it would be fun to ask all of you on Instagram for your questions that you might want a guy's perspective on. I'm not saying that Zach is the definitive male perspective, but he's definitely a highly emotionally intelligent person. he is very open and he's, you know, a guy. I'm not the final word on anything. He's not the final word on anything.

But I thought it would be fun to have him ask, to ask him all of your dating relationship, just sort of like stuff you'd want one guy's opinion on. So this is going to be like one guy's opinion episode. Just a dude. We'll call it just a dude. Just a single dude. I'll take it. Not a single dude.

I don't want people to get confused. You should, yeah. But then the show ends. All right, let's get into it. So I'm just, I asked you guys all on Instagram. You had really good questions. And I'm actually very curious to hear Zach's answer on a lot of these. Let's start with how do you suggest that somebody get their husband or partner to open up because it seems like too many emotions overwhelm them.

So like are there things that I do that do you feel like you just want to talk about emotional stuff with me all the time? Or do you feel like there's things that I do that make you want to talk about emotional things? Just to like anchor my expectations, is this a warm-up question? Like, does it only get harder from here? There is a mixed bag. It was picked at random. All right. Okay.

All right. So what we're looking for is how to get somebody to open up emotionally. Yeah. And I think particularly sometimes any, yeah, anybody, but particularly, I think sometimes people feel like men. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

No, you actually, I don't know where you got this fact, but you- I read it in like Cosmo or something. That's amazing. But I've actually found it to be 100% accurate, which is that guys or I or people seem to open up emotionally and are they're more willing to get into kind of in-depth conversations in the car. Do you know why? I think the idea being that basically, you know, when you have to kind of like do a difficult task and you want to fidget with something, the car, I think acts as like a natural fidget if you're driving. if you're the one behind the wheel. And then I honestly think there's something to be said for eye contact,

not having to maintain and diagnose all of the facial expressions and constant, you know, kind of reactions of your partner. You can really just take the words for what they are and give them back in the same fashion. That's interesting. All right. So have your conversations in a car. And particularly maybe with the person you want to open up driving.

Sure. So that they're like a little bit. Why not? A little bit distracted. I like that. That's a good one. All right. so many people want to know about ghosting, which I feel like you should be prepared to talk about

because you've talked about it with like my sister and a number of our friends all the time. Yeah, I mean, paranormal activity is a really big passion of mine. Like, what is up with people who ghost? I know that women do it too, but I just have so many girlfriends where they have what seems like a really good date, sounds like a really good date from my perspective when they recap it to me and then never hear from the guy again. and it's just like, what is happening? I'm not 100% sure I can speak to the like misconnection or disconnect between when somebody

thinks something was great and the other person doesn't get in contact with them. But what I will say is I do think that people underestimate the kind of mental blocks that other people, maybe introverts, maybe guys, maybe whoever get into in terms of like the actual first step into starting up a conversation. It might seem so easy for some people, but... You mean on, like, text message or on the phone? Not... Because you've already, like, maybe had the date in this instance, right?

Right. But I think, you know, there's always an initial... Not always, because some people, like you, for example, are, like, really quick with the communication stuff. You know, like, you'll basically bang out, like, nine or ten text messages as I'm still composing one, right? And I think of a piece of that is, is, both comfort with writing and comfortable what you're going to say,

but also I think you don't maybe obsess or overthink, let's use overthink, the what it means, what you're trying to, you know, say all that other kind of stuff like that. And I think that that type of, what am I going to do right now? I think that puts a lot of people off. I mean, it's procrastination, right? I think people procrastinate in relationships, or especially early relationships where there's not enough,

momentum necessarily to get off the ground, especially in the age of, you know, internet dating apps where it's like, ooh, I could swipe, which is like inherently dopamine creating, like dopamine like, you know, fueling. And then it's like, oh, well, now I actually have to make a real decision. What do I want to do here? What, what's that going to be like? It's not necessarily that, you know, and I think the same thing goes too with just the, the general politeness that people, you know, and I think the same thing goes too with just the, the general politeness that people, expect but aren't getting in in dating, which is like, oh, well, you know, if he, if he didn't have a good time, at least you could do it. He could say something. He could just say that, right. But again, you know, fear of confrontation, that kind of general moment, like not, not not feeling comfortable and actually getting them into them up, like, oh, you know, today I'm going to accomplish something.

The same reason emails, language, and inboxes is it's not, it's not a romantic answer or necessarily even might not be satisfying for a lot of people who are like, you know, it matters. so much to me that he's or she's not texting me back right now. But I do think that like people can be, I'm, I'm, I'm never shocked these days at like the level of rudeness. Somebody can can basically create. Not justify, but, but create simply by inaction and by not being able to like be willing to kind of, you know, get there.

And I think there's a lot of reasons for that. Okay. So a few follow up questions. One, as you know, because you've been here when my friends who I shall not call out on this podcast, like, obsess over this stuff. But you know who you are. But you know who you are. And you better be listening. They seem to stress that they did some tiny thing wrong on the date.

And that's why they're getting ghosted after. Or they said something tiny thing wrong in a text. And it was just like, if they hadn't done this one little thing, he wouldn't ghost. Do you think that's true that you can do one little thing wrong and a guy or, you know, would you lose attention after doing one tiny thing wrong? Or do you think if you like somebody, you like somebody and like, or in the early days, are you looking for those little tiny things? Again, I would abstract this out to just like general everyday life. I think people overthink these like the tiny little nuances and, you know, people, the other party isn't necessarily. even receiving those signals.

They might be picking up with something you're not even thinking about, which I think also happens. You know, something that completely hasn't crossed your mind was very, you know, a turnoff to them, you know, like when you kick that puppy and it wasn't a big deal to you. It was like a really, it was like a really serious thing to them. Just kidding. But I think, yeah, I think generally people over-emphasized to themselves small things and honestly in most cases they would be better trying to re-engage and not and not taking

it so seriously and not being so sensitive about it. Now that's really easy for me to say as a person who's in a happy relationship and isn't like, you know, oh my God, I really want to find somebody or, you know, I really, you know, my timeline, my relationship timeline is X or, you know, that other type of stuff. So I think it's it's also there's also this big thing right of just how do you balance the priorities between two parties. Do you remember in our early days of dating? Like think way. No. Think way back. Do you remember if you were or when you were dating other people? What? How were you deciding in those early days if this was like, was it just a gut instinct? If you wanted to call them again, if you wanted to see them again or text them again,

versus going out, because we didn't have apps in our day, but you could have just gone out to a bar for a month after we met, two months after we met and found some, or even now, you could go out to a bar and find somebody new. And it's obviously a different equation now because we've built so much of a life together. But in those early days, how were you sort of evaluating whether you wanted to keep hanging in there with me

or go find and swipe and, you know, go for another person? Um, they're, you know, everybody's kind of stuck in home at home right now. And I know there's a lot of like episode rewatching. And I just assume everybody's rewatched friends while they've been in, in, uh, lockdown. Although we did it before, which was really a mistake. It's an embarrassing thing. Anyway, um, there's, there's an episode where it's like, you know, you don't date these shows until you watch somebody like open, open a computer and they're like, 64 big bytes of RAM.

Yeah. I'm also certain they do the whole pros and cons list. Is 64 a lot? No. But that's what I did. I basically... You did not do a frozen cons list. Of course not.

And nobody does. I believe that was the first time Ross and Rachel broke up was they did a pros... He did a pros and he did a pros and he's trying to decide between her and somebody else. He said just a waitress. Yeah. And he said just a which is not great language to put into the list. Also, I sympathize with like early... printing issues.

But that doesn't. I don't think that's the normal. I think most people trade in their gut, period. You know, like that. I think most people are like, I got a good feeling about this. Even against their better interests. I think that's what we see in romance more often than not.

It's like, yeah, I know I feel really good about this. And you're like. And all of your friends are like, no, you don't. He didn't kick a puppy. Like, but I have a good feeling about this. as your mental image. Okay, what about the idea of, we got a lot of questions

about deciding to get married, which I think is an interesting thing. So maybe you're trading in your gut or do I like this person? Do I text them back? Blah, blah, blah. But what about the decision to solidify the relationship in that way?

Were you thinking, was it a gut that, like, it's time for us to get engaged? Or was it that I wore you down? I just want to say that the puppy kicking thing is like what I picture to be just like a really bad person, like an objectively bad person.

I think we watch. Watched. This is like really showing how much TV. We haven't been watching as much TV as it sounds like we've been watching, but we watch the good place and they literally do as an example of a bad person on the good place. Somebody drop kicks a puppy. Into the sun. Did I say bad person or a good person?

Yeah. It's a bad person drop kicks a puppy into the sun. So it makes sense that that would be in your mind. Anyway, how do you, how, was it a gut decision when you were like, I want to marry. Was it? No. And actually, I would say that that. ironically, I feel at least me personally,

I put a lot more kind of thought, not really necessarily into the wanting to do it. I knew I wanted to get married. And I think a lot, I think I've heard a lot of guys kind of slave over this decision, for lack of a nicer term, but not a, not a, not a, if, but win. I think for some reason,

I've noticed at least a lot of, of people that I know, and in general, they'll be like, it's not that I, like, I obviously do want to get married. It's about when. And I think there is a something in the water that has led a lot of guys to be like, the time that you get married is very important because you want to have this situated and this situated. You want to have your job like this and you want to be able to provide like that.

Those are such like old fashioned societal bullshit. Right. And historically, I think they tied to some sort of feeling of comfort about child rearing or... It's almost like dowry-ish, you know? Like, I need to be able to give you five cows for your daughter. Right. And once I had five cows, I popped the question immediately. Yeah. It was really hard to keep them all together. So what were your five cows? Literally five. My dad got no cows from you, so I don't know what your game is.

Um, no, no, uh, you know, and you and I have talked about this a little bit, but I think for me it was, uh, coming out of, you know, my, my time as a student. So I didn't, I didn't feel like. Zach went to graduate school because he wanted to get two master's degrees before he got engaged. Real dragon of the feet there. Um, yeah, no, but, but it, it kind of seemed like, well, for one, you know, We were away from friends and family at the time. And then... We were in London. And then second, I think there is... I think it's really nice to be present in that whole thing.

And I really wasn't present in a lot of stuff. And I wasn't really either, which we've talked about. Sure, for sure. Well, it's interesting because I think at the time I felt really crappy that you weren't proposing to me. And I was so angry about it. But it was also during the time of my highest anxiety. And I think that was correlative.

Like I think I wanted something. You think that you had your highest point of anxiety because I hadn't proposed to you? No, but I do think I wanted you to propose. Can you just say that on the record? I don't think I had my highest point of agoraphobic anxiety because I wanted you to propose me. But I do think that I wanted it so badly because I didn't feel like I had a lot of other stuff going on in my life. And I always tell my girlfriends who really want their partner to propose that they should try to focus, see if they're trying to fill a hole in the rest of their life, you know, like, I think if you,

if I had spent that time that I was spending crying and being like, why aren't you proposing to me? Which was a lot of time. Only that I was strong. But if I had spent that time being like, why do I need this so badly? And what can I do to make myself feel better to kind of self-soothe and not need that codependent? I really just needed affirmation that I was lovable at that point. And I shouldn't, I don't think a proposal should ever be used as that, as affirmation that you're lovable.

I think that's certainly a great bit of, yeah. What do you, what would you say if you're with somebody and it's been like a long-ass time? Like, you know, and you're just like, I feel like I deserve a proposal this time. What is this guy doing? I don't want to, maybe I want to have kids, blah, blah, blah. I think, I think biological timeframes are pretty, pretty shitty and skewed towards men. Oh, man. So unfair.

So unfair. but I think also a very not but and I think also a very justifiable. But would you be like freaked out if a girl was like, I want to have babies. So you need to propose at this point. It depends how it's done. You know, I do think that there is a finesse to any conversation. Okay. True.

I'm just going to hedge a lot of comments over the next few minutes. No, but that's true. But, you know, I think people can be honest with one another or should be able to feel like they should be honest with one another, which is just like, hey, just so you know, this is my time frame for the next X years in my life. These are the priorities that are important to me. I mean, if you're... We have a girlfriend who did that and it's worked out really, really well for her. She recently started, she was just like, I'm sick of these non-adult relationships and she started dating somebody. And she told him very early on what her plans for her life were and let him know that she was.

wasn't willing to waste. And I think that's the key, too, is doing it early on because if you do it like a year or two in, it can feel almost more awkward. But if you're just like, this is what I want for my life from the get-go. Yeah. And, I mean, I think that's a general hot tip for life. I wish I had a hot tip sound effect. Hot tip.

Oh, we went different direction. You went sizzle, sizzle, sizzle, sizzle, sizzle. And I went like slide whistle. I don't know why slide whistle would be a hot tip. Mine at least least like correlated with the words. Go ahead. Sick burn with. Really lost my train of thought there with all the sizzling.

I think, I think just, yeah, it's, I think a very justifiable thing to say. And I, and it, oh, I remember. It was something that all, yeah, I don't know why interrupted you right when you remembered it. Hot tip. basically that working out your own freaking priorities ahead of time

works wonders for every aspect of life right? Like you don't like Oh yeah that's true That is a hot tip Yeah thanks

Well and also Like not waiting for somebody else to come around to help you figure out what you want Where you want to live What you want to do What you want the shape of your life to be

But being like This is what I want my life to look like Yeah which is work right But not being rigid And that too, I think is important because also I think a huge part of being in a relationship is about that flexibility to, because you're living your life with another. This is something we talk about all the time because Zach wasn't here. I'd be living in a pit of my own filth. And I think just like disgusting mess wise.

Because no one would clean up. No, because I wouldn't clean up as much. I think you'd find your own way. I might now. I might now, but I was certainly living in a pit of my own field when he met me. We look sometimes back at pictures of my apartment when he met me and it... They were like tiny kittens running about and then like tumbleweeds of long-haired girl. It's like rolling across the floor.

Anyway, it's interesting because in a relationship, one of the best parts of it are you end up doing so many things that you probably wouldn't be doing if you weren't in that relationship because they're bringing all of these elements to your life. But that's for better and for worse. And so I think not having rigidity might end up with having these amazing things in your life. like you get to live in a clean house and you, you know, I learned to hike and be active and enjoy moving my body with you, which I know you don't credit yourself for, but I definitely credit you for in a lot of ways because I was not interested in that at all when I met you. Yeah, so, but like also in ways that maybe you wouldn't prefer to wake up at this time or go on vacation here or whatever.

Right. Well, maybe maybe then a better way to put it is, you know, priorities can change, obviously. They're not set in stone. They're not like... When they do naturally, there's like those studies that say that people who date for a while start looking like each other and also people start looking like their pet. I look at my pet. I look at my one. We all have blue eyes.

We do. She's literally, you guys, she is laying on the recording equipment right now. She's just lounged out across the recording equipment. Clearly, communication is important. And I think the communication part of the priorities is what we're talking about. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true.

Okay. Let's talk about looks for a second. Hot or not? Yeah. Do you think I'm hot scale of 1 to 10? 10. Just 10? Straight question.

No, do men notice or do you notice because this is just ask the single guy? Not a single guy. Ask a, what's another way I can say that? Ask an individual guy. Ask one guy. Ask one guy. Well, we've not been wearing our rings because they, um, they're bacteria and virus traps. And we wash our hands like 50 times a day.

So we both look more single right now than we've looked in years. That's true. I think my ring would be like twice the size of all the hand washing I've done. The hand washing is it would be grotesque at this point. Or it would be. I feel like my ring would be like blue or I mean, it's made of nice material. But anyway, do you notice when your, the ring is beautiful. You got me a beautiful ring.

You got me a gorgeous ring. You're listening to the Healthier Together podcast. I am so excited about this week's podcast sponsor, Sound. I've shared Sound on my Instagram a few times so you may be familiar, but essentially they combined sparkling water with certified organic tea, botanicals, and fruit extracts. They don't use any sweeteners, so they're both sugar and artificial sugar-free, but they still somehow taste amazing. My very favorite one is chamomile with vanilla and elder flour, which I see.

swear, tastes just like a cream soda. They have caffeine-free and caffeinated versions. Zach loves the green tea with grapefruit and mint and the blood orange and vanilla with black tea. The grapefruit and lavender with ginger tea is caffeine-free and another favorite of mine, and I love the blueberry and cinnamon with hibiscus tea. I'm truly just so impressed with how delicious and creative the flavor combos that sound comes up with are, and they have one of the cleanest ingredient list that I have ever seen. They're one of my favorite soda alternatives, and they're also an awesome base for mocktails or cocktails. You can order all of the sound sparkling teas online at drinksound.com, D-R-I-N-K-S-O-U-N-D.com.

And if you use the code Liz, like my name, L-I-Z, you'll get 20% off. I cannot wait for you to try them. I know you're going to be obsessed. Again, that is drink-sound.com, and the code to get 20% off is Liz. Now, let's get back to the episode. Do you notice when people wear makeup at all? Like, do you notice when I wear makeup or when women wear makeup? And if so, do you like it or does it not matter to you?

Are you just like you should be this beautiful all the time? This is where the traps really start to fall. I think no one, whether it's conscious or subconscious, everybody notices makeup because you're academically looking different. Everybody looks different. my personal preference. You can be honest. I think it's really context dependent, right?

Like if you're going out to an event that makes sense that matches with makeup, I think the expectation is makeup. If you're going to be on camera, for example, no one would be like, very few people I think are like, oh yeah, no makeup for camera. But like when I'm on camera, I do my on camera days. I look like I have all this makeup on.

I look really objectively. I look more societally accepted, attractive. Do I come home from those on-camera days? Are you like, oh, she's hotter? I want to jump her bones more? Or are you like, no, she's not more hot than those days. She's just makeup for her in the house.

Jump her bones is actually the exact phrase that goes to my head. Like, we've got to do some bone jumping. Bone jumping. Yeah. I, I actually think that on-camera makeup isn't as great close-up. It's meant for something. Can I just say this is what happens when Zach and I ever play hypothetical games where I'm just like, oh, would you rather this or this? And he's like,

well, it really depends because in this situation, trees only grow this many inches a year. And sometimes the weather in Bermuda is a little fishy in July. And you're just like, nobody was asking about that. Anyway, what was the question for that? It's just an answer. There's no question. All right. I think, I think simply put, uh, makeup is noticeable. makeup is something that people will notice and appreciate in to a point. And then it becomes, you know, way too much makeup or, or obvious makeup.

I mean, you know, like anything, the skill, there's, there's professional professionals out there that do amazing makeup. But did the jump their bones question? Like, bones. Did I say bones? To the jump their bones question, like when I do a shoot or do you think I look like, are you more attracted to me when I look hot in that way? Let's put another way. There are plenty of times that you're not wearing makeup that I am interested in a bone jump.

Okay. What about the difference? Let's break this down a little further. Today I'm wearing makeup, but I'm wearing very natural makeup. I'm wearing, you know, just like my sunscreen, which is a tinted foundations that you I'm wearing mascara and a little bit of blush that also goes on my lip. So I look, I look different than I would say I normally do or not normally when I'm wearing no makeup, but I'm not, I don't look made up.

What do you think about that, which is, I guess essentially me, but enhanced versus nothing. Do you find me more attractive with the me, but enhanced, but it's not like blue or red or blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I think so. I mean, for example, I think mascara brings out your eyes and you're really beautiful. eyes. So it's like, it's like a frame for your pretty eyes. It's interesting to hear you just talk about it in sheer aesthetic details because I think all women want, or at least me, I'm not going to speak for all women. I want it to be like,

you wake up, you don't need any of that stuff because you wake up at your most beautiful. But then like, it's like, of course, if my eyes are light blue, putting something that's dark black next to it will make the blue brighter just from a sheerly aesthetic standpoint. So if I put on a, uh, a blue shirt. and you're like, oh man, that makes your blue eyes stand out. And you like that, right? That's about the same thing as putting on makeup. Right.

From a, from an effect level, there might be some other tricky stuff, but like, let's say if it is enhancing a part of the body that isn't the thing you're actually dressing up. Because I think very few people are like, oh, man, her eyelashes are so long and dark. That's really what I'm into right now. Right. I'm just enhancing my eyes. That's the point. Right. I mean, I think all of it is you're trying to create some sort of biological ideal. You're trying to present a biological ideal. There's that. I think there's also... Youth and fertility. That's why you want your lips to be flush and your cheeks to be flush. I'm like trying to subconsciously signal to you that I'm fertile.

For the most part. That seems to be a case. Which is probably really redundant since I let you know about every phase of my cycle as it happens. It's right. I'm really proud. I'm just quietly shaking my head here. I got my IUT out last December, maybe like a year and a half ago. And I just had my first 28 day cycle like three months ago. And I've had a 28 day cycle every month since then. And I'm so proud of it just because it took so long to get exactly to that.

And, you know, all cycles of all lengths are great. And, you know, it doesn't need to be exactly 28 days. But I'm really proud of my 28 day cycle. So Zach cares way too much about that. And then I also tell them when I'm ovulating and I'm like, are you more attracted to me? I feel like a moon goddess type persona figure to come in here and throw you a celebration at that point. I kind of want one. Yeah.

I think that would be really nice. The apparel sprits would be a good cocktail for that or like what? I think it needs to be more like select. Like I picture something that looks like a, oh, do you, because it's red. No. We're just drinking them right now. I picture something that's opalescent. Opelicent.

Opelette. Opelette. Yeah. Okay. So what about makeup that's like a creative expression makeup? Do you find it hot when women are like, I'm going to do blue eye shadow because I'm feeling myself and I want to express myself artistically in that way? I actually do. I find, I find, like, dyed hair.

Like, I find all of those things to be generally positive. I think just, you know, and on the right person for me, a rat. Because I think it's just there's a certain confidence in it. I think there's an appreciation of the ability to design in that way to kind of like, create in that way. Which makes sense because you're a designer and like that would be something you would have or do you think that that would your other friends? Not like a makeup designer. I have no concept. But would your other friends? Do you think who are less interested in design than you? Do you think they would feel the same? Like, oh, because it's a confidence thing. And I know other people

would think that type of thing is over the top. And obviously there's over the top and there's the top right. But like personally, I find that type of stuff kind of interesting. Okay. And on the flip side, which I'm sorry because I'm terrible makeup and I will never do something like that. So I feel like you just said that. And I'm like, I will never wear blue eyeshadow because I just, I can't. I feel like it would look really silly on me. But I have, you know, friends and people that you can admire there. Like my sister, you're not attracted to my sister, I hope. But she does lots of fun hair colors. And I think you think that's cool objectively without. Your sister is very cool. She's very cool. My sister's shout out to Katie. She has, she dyed her bright pink today. Do you see that? I didn't see it.

She wouldn't send me the photo. She's like, I'm going to reveal it on Instagram later. And then I just said on Instagram. She's a youth. She wouldn't even give you the sneak peek. She would not give me this. She's like, I love it so much. And I'm like, send me a pick.

And she's like, for context, she just defended her thesis. And we sent her very nice bottle of champagne. She loved the champagne and would not send me a picture of her pink hair. Rue. Made me see it with all the plebeians on Instagram. Rood. I just think it's funny because she's not like. She's not like an influence or anything.

She just has a normal Instagram and did a pink hair reveal on it. What about on the flip side? How many days can I wear huge sweatpants and baggy t-shirts and have like a rat's nest of a hair and drool before you're like, wow, this is my wife? I mean, it's mid-May now. So at least two and a half months. I have to be on camera a lot. So I actually, you have a pretty good deal with quarantine me. I feel like I have a great deal with.

You get really good food. minus the fact that our apartment's like two inches. But like you get really good food. You only get like one to two mental breakdowns a day. You don't need to defend it. I'm very happy. And I have to look cute like 40% of the time. Uh, I don't know.

Well, do you think it's like, are you like, I've never hit a point that I'm, you know. Does your love for me overcome my giant sweatpants or is there part of you that find my giant in like parachute pants like big like. Or does like the giant sweatpants is it cute in? some way to you? Absolutely. I mean, I honestly think that loungeware is some of our more attractive wear these days too, like just as a society.

You know, we have a lot of really nice loungeware out there and a lot of people wear a really nice loungeware. Like, you know, these sweatpants of your kind of gone. Yeah, that's true. And everything these... Do you think like cute underwear and like no makeup and kind of like a cute pony is like its own look

unto itself that you're sort of... Yeah, yeah. And it kind of speaks to a certain casualness and kind of of comfort, which I think is also nice. Confidence. Sure. And comfort. Yeah, like I'm comfortable with you.

Yeah, exactly. Which I like. Okay, what do you think is the best way for a woman to meet an awesome, like a nice guy? And I thought this is an interesting question for you because you're friends with so many nice guys and you are a nice guy. And I think a lot of people feel like all the guys they meet out at bars or assholes. Sure. So where are the non-assholes? I mean, I used to go to a bar.

We met at a bar. I know we did meet at a bar. But how did, like, do you think it's just so you have to wade through a certain amount of assholes to find nice? Because all of your friends are nice guys. And I do think that's really interesting. Like, where are those people? Well, first, I think, you know, there can be people out there that are nice people, but they're not necessarily for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right. It's a good, no. Enough hedging. You want quick answers? Yeah, it's a good point. But like, but yeah, you know what I mean. Sure, fine. You know, I think things that are outside of, I think it's the longer play, but, you know, work, sports teams, anything, anything that isn't inherently dating, I think people, there's, you get a bit kind of more of a opportunity to get an eye on somebody before they.

Like to see how they interact with the world. Yeah, exactly. And I think, I think there are more, and realistically, you. You know, even with internet dating and digital dating, it's like, it's kind of just the, I think it's often posing non-dating questions to people that'll let you, that kind of give you a bigger insight into who they, they are. Like what? What questions should we ask people? Would you kick a puppy? If a puppy landed in front of you, would you kick it into the sun or no? If you could kick things as far as the sun, what would you choose? A, a puppy. B, coronavirus. See, a soccer ball.

Yeah. I mean, it is interesting, though, to try to get really an idea of what somebody's like is a real person, like, in the other facets of their life outside of dating, which I think is really interesting. What do you think about the idea of meeting somebody doing community service because the people doing community service are inherently nice people? I like to think that system would work. I've never seen it happen. Like, I haven't either. All of our friends that have met nice guys, have met them either through friends, which I think is. It's a huge untapped resource.

That was the last thing is being introduced by someone else you trust and like and have something in common with. But I think for that you really should be like telling your friends and not just your close friends, but like your wider network of friends. If you know somebody who you think would be a good match with me, like set me up. And I think people will often talk to their same three friends about it, but not their wider group of friends. So I think that's important. Okay. This one I was really interested in. Do you in general have as much difficulty with like self-love and body love as you think women or I do?

Like what's your sort of relationship with your body and self-love? Because that's something obviously I talk about a lot and I talk about a lot with, you know, the people in my wider community. Yeah. I mean, I could probably work on having more self-love. in that regard. I think, you know, there's, you know, we've lived in New York a number of years. Everybody's in great shape,

or at least there's enough people in great shape that you run into a daily basis that you're like, oh, man. You're in great shape. I'm in okay shape. Yeah. Less now. Less after these less than you...

But it's somebody like, do you think about like, I need to do these things to love my body, blah, blah, blah. In the same way that you know that I'm contextualizing it for people or for myself or for my audience or anything like that. Um, that's, that's a hard run for me.

I, I, I think it, I think yes, it, it, it, it definitely spans genders if that's, if that's what you're asking. Yeah. I think, I think that's what I'm asking. Like, do you, it just seems like men sometimes don't care. They're just like, I can have my belly. I can get laid. It almost feels like the stuff. And that's, and that's probably, there's, there's, there's probably a certain truth of that.

And let's, let's be honest, right? A ton of female focus capitalism is about making women feel uncomfortable in their bodies. Yeah. And that, that's how you, brands make so much money. If every woman will go tomorrow and there's like so many less, there's so much less money being made off of men feeling like crap about themselves. Well, I think there is money being made.

I think it's just maybe different. Of what, like the Beaufleck? No, I think off of cars and alcohol and all sorts of other type of. Oh, that's interesting. I think, you know, they're different categories of purchasing, but I think a lot of them are about building insecurity in people. I think that men still, And this is crazy to me because of where we are as a society in 2020 or where I would like us to be.

But I think men tend to feel more insecurity about not being able to provide or make a certain amount of money. And women tend to feel more insecurity around their body. And I do think that comes from a lot of the messaging we get subliminally in commercials and blah, blah, blah. Should we take a break here to say that, of course, this flips genders and genders are non-real. And, you know, and it's- They are non-real. But I also do think at the same time, You know, I think that there's so much messaging around makeup and weight loss.

And it's just, it's crazy how much to me people internalize that I internalized. I mean, let's put it another way. And just how constant is. What I was going to say is, is the systems that track you online that work to drive you to a purchase, they take into account your gender, most certainly. That's a very exact thing to say. Or your self-assigned gender. Or you're going to put you in a box.

And I think, you know, there's a few boxes that have been designed for people to be sold to and segmented into. And what we're talking about are a couple probably kind of distinct boxes, right? So what are... That are traditionally male or traditionally. So do you feel like you don't spend that much time trying to, like, actively working on loving yourself? Do you think you spend more time on doing this? the things that maybe one would think targeted advertisements are for men about, like trying to prove yourself?

I don't have a car. No. Well, proving myself is, I think a very interesting thing because I, I, I, 100% bought into that idea, I think, at a young age of, you know, be it via education or career success or, you know, some other type of relatively basic metric. I kind of bought into the proving yourself side of society.

My life? I know. But I mean, yeah, I work on self-betterment every day. And, you know, I rarely find things that stick. But I think writing sticks for me. I think reading sticks for me. And movement, exercise, yoga. Like those type of things do all.

have a positive impact on my self-love, you know, bigger category, or not bigger, but maybe more broader than simply body image, right, kind of self-image. Do you work out to feel hot or to look hot, or to feel good or to look hot? Both. Yeah? Like when you're at the gem, are you like, I'm pumping so the Liz thinks I'm hot? Yes. Or are you like, I like the energy I get from this?

But, okay. Both. All right. It can be both. Um, do you actually like talking about feelings and do you think that like your guy friends do ever or every time we do it, am I just forcing you? Uh, I would say that there's no such thing as a good conversation devoid of feelings. So feelings should be part of every conversation. And then we're married.

That is like, if you could clickbait or whatever that for me for this conversation, what's the real life equivalent of that? Sweet. So I'm going to pick up this mic and drop it. Uh, no. But I mean, but to also put that in a less Liz-friendly way, feelings don't necessarily always need to be the subject, right? They can be an inherent component of the conversation, right? Like how I... Give me the subtext.

Yeah. How I feel about something determines how I think about it and how I react to it and how I interact with anything, right? Like, so it's very hard for us to think that our conversations can be, devoid of feelings. Like it's, I think all of the objective sciences and like all of,

basically all, maybe traditionally, air quoting here, non-feeling, subject matter has been shown time and again to be very driven by and affected by feelings. And it's the exception, not the,

not the rule. Yeah, I mean, because we have them. Yeah. They drive our life. They call everything. And, and if you,

want your guy to talk about your feelings with you, talk about them in a car. Sure. Side by side. Nice, high-powered muscle car driving down the highway. What's the Durango? The Durango. Zach and I are thinking about buying a car.

Not a Durango. But we've been looking at cars. We've never bought cars as an adult, which is kind of crazy to think about at this point in our lives because I got a car. I got like the car my dad had had for 10 years when I turned 16. and I think it was like a year actually after that when I was like 17 And then Dak got literally the world's oldest janky as Subaru Oh, I would like you to know that my cousin drove that Subaru

It was like 94 superiors actually died She died like 250,000 miles up in like Alaska or something It was amazing But when you got the jangy so neither of it. We both inherited old janky cars Which was so lovely felt very grateful in my high school years to have a car at all I love my little Jedi, I called him Jerry But we haven't and then we've lived in

cities since our cars died and haven't ever bought a car. So this is a really interesting experience for us. So anyways, we've looked at... I think I could have bought a car with the number of parking because I got in San Francisco. Yeah, but you had your cool Subaru. And also, there's a great car to have people not break into because it looked like crap. There was like a very clear car of like, nothing of value is in this car. You can see everything in it.

You can literally see everything in this car. Okay, this is the last question. just because we're running out of time. I have a lot more questions for you personally. Like, what do you love about me the most? Sure. Rank from most, the least. I don't think about it.

Okay, great. What's your opinion on, like, weird wellness trends and things? Stuff like. Left field right there. Well, stuff like astrology or, you know, the medical medium. I don't want to have you, like, speak to specific people or stuff. But, like, when I get a little bit more woo-woo and my wellness, What do you think about that?

This question maybe, do they? Well, people want to, I think it's because people sometimes feel embarrassed doing stuff in front of their partner. Oh, I see. Or talking about stuff or embracing stuff. We're talking about a new thing they're trying for their gut health. Or if they're like, I got a terror reading and it told me this and I want to do this because of it. Like anything in that range. Or I, this is my human design.

And I want to talk to you about my human design. it's it's a personality it's similar to the enneagram where it's like a personality personality mapping thing so like that kind of stuff where somebody might feel embarrassed talking to a partner about it got it okay I see the question um so what I think about that huge category of things yes is that from a you know relationship standpoint and from a communicating with your partner standpoint you know the best thing to do or one of the, a good thing to do in my opinion in with these type of things is just talk about what it means to you and why you're doing.

Like contextualize it. Contextualize it. Right. Like, so if you're like, hey, I got a cool terror reading. And it said, blank, blank, blank. You know, maybe lead with why you got the terror reading and why you believe it. Why you believe it. And whether or not you believe it, what it means to you and why it means that to you.

I mean, I, I think. bias. Yeah. So, like, I really think it does come down to communication and just what you can do to kind of expose your goals and needs and, and allow somebody to come up to those goals and needs and values and say, cool. Well, let's, let's talk about that. Well, and truthfully, if you, like, tell somebody why Tara is important to you or why this gut health thing is important to you and they still aren't on board with it, then that's a bigger conversation. because they're not supporting you at that point instead of not supporting whatever modality you're experimenting with. And often I think there's a really fun relationship disconnect and I use fun sarcastically, which is when somebody's telling them about like a hobby or a belief or something

and what it means, what they mean is this thing is important to me but the thing that's actually important to them is being covered or obscured by whatever they're actually talking about or the other way around saying I'm interested in this hobby and what that hobby means to me is X, Y, Z. And if you diss that hobby, you're dissing X, Y, Z. And the person might not understand that direction. Right.

So the more that you can do to help them understand what you're actually saying, and even to help you understand what you're actually saying, is probably the better. Self-reflection is the best. Well, this was so, I'm very impressed by your answers. I think I will have to have you back on the podcast for sure. I will be happy to do it. Well, we will have to have you back because I don't have anybody else I can do.

live podcast with. And I also like, honestly, I really like getting to see the side of you. I think that there's like there is the S&L sketch where dads and sons can have a podcast to connect and have like real conversations. And I feel like we get to have a lot of real conversations. I'm so appreciative of that. But you do get to see your partner in a little bit of a different light in this type of scenario. And it was really lovely for me to get to see you in this light. So thank you for being my guest. I very much appreciate you coming on and sharing your wisdom with the world because your wisdom is deep and immense. Thank you. Thank you to everybody who listened. I hope that you like this sort of different format. We'll be back next week with another long-form interview with an amazing human in the wellness world. So definitely come back for that. If you like this type of episode, let me know. Let me know if you want me to have Zach back on and make him answer more questions that are hugely caveated. And if you do like this podcast, of course, I would always appreciate a rating or a view on iTunes.

They mean the world to me. I read every single one of them. And they just help other people find the podcast and growing our little podcast family. You should also mention me in the podcast, like that's Zach guest. That's Zach. Zach should be on every. It should be Zach's podcast. Who's this Liz person who keeps talking instead of Zach?

So mention Zach in your review because he'll really like honestly, if anybody does do an iTunes review and mention Zach, he will never let me hear the end of that. So you want to be part of our relationship. in that way, please do so. And thank you guys all for hanging out with us for a little bit. I hope that this brought a little bit of fun and joy into your day. I hope you're all staying safe and sane. And I will talk to you next week. I very rarely get genuinely excited about skincare, but this is one of the most innovative products that I have come across in years. And I'm so obsessed with it. I've been telling all of my friends to get it. So now I need to tell you guys. Here's some science first.

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