The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers Podcast - Beastly

Episode Date: August 18, 2026

On this episode of The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers Podcast, Akiva is on Kiv leave and the guys are talking about Beastly from Season 36 Episode 17 on March 5th, 2011. You’re never going to believe it, but Declan is back! This time being portrayed by Gene Hackman (it’s Andy) in what will be the final in a two part recurring character piece. We’re also diving into spelling bee early this week, talking about exciting things like glasses, and the news that JJ Casuals got a shout out in the New York Times. The guys also talk about the sketches Our Time! With Taboo and apl.de.ap., the The Essentials: The Sound of Music, and Moisturizing Facial Cream and Rock-a-Billy Lady Party. Plus some details on Jorm's Nair routine. Enjoy!Beastly | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hvD_nNuPywOur Time! With Taboo and apl.de.ap. | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7GrkMg2Iq8Disney Channel Acting School | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSd7Q7oThcThe Miley Cyrus Show: Justin Bieber | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XP_EvQAbgvsMoisturizing Facial Cream and Rock-a-Billy Lady Party | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Na89OF7Fq48 Send us an email: [e-mail] us a voice note: https://www.speakpipe.com/thelonelyislandSend us stuff:P.O. Box 4024New York, NY 10185Photos and everything else can be found by following us on Instagram @lonelymeyerspod(Not all the clips we mention are available online; some never even aired.)If you want to see more photos and clips follow us on Instagram @lonelymeyerspod. Send us an email! [e-mail] Date🐝8/14/26 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Lonely Island Edst Myers podcast. So exciting. Yorm gave us a warning that he was going to be 15 minutes late, and instead he was right on time, and he hurried, and we're going to give him all the time he needs to just settle in. As usual, the F train was on time. It's great. Easy Pee.

I had nothing to say about it. Yorm, you know what else is right on time? That body. Oh, yeah. Should I? Should I? I'll wait. I'll wait to take off the top.

Lift up that shirt. Please do, because there was. We got a lot of... Heart mammal. We got a lot of grief. And I think, you know, most of the feedback we receive couldn't be more fair. Right.

And I think the last episode somebody wrote in... Here it comes. 32 minutes correcting previous errors. One minute talking about the short, 11 minutes talking about pictures we can't see. By the way, while I'm doing that, Andy's literally just waving his iPhone in front of the camera. Another thing people can't see.

Why don't you just... You know what, Jack Black? He obviously wants to get it out. Right out. of the gig? Whoa. Yeah, I mean, you're waving a phone

in my face, dude. Spelling bee. Spelling being. Ugh. Well, clean? Let's just say five minutes before this started.

I rocked it. Let's go quibby clean. Wow. 62 words, 363 points, three pangrams, and it felt so good on a pod day

to just rock it and rip it and know that Seth probably has like three words. I've got 14 to go. And I also wanted to use the last time before the pod doing my word games. But of course, I can't because I have to get ready for the pod. Yeah, but I don't. Andy, how many words are there today? How many words are there total?

Would I say 62 maybe? Yeah, it was a big one. All right. Then 62 to go for me. Nice. Easy. So you are. You do one a minute and probably by the end of the pod, you got it wrapped up.

Do you guys ever feel like how? having glasses is like shouldn't be like a right it should be earned and that maybe I'm going to get my glasses taken away like somebody's going to come in and be like now not worth it like people with glasses need to be smart well I feel like glasses implies smart I see like you read so much that you know so I feel like I'm going to get revoked pretty soon I think once you're past a certain age everyone has glasses have I hit that yeah definitely yeah it's either readers or the other ones I got to figure out how to store glass. I put them down. I put them face down the lenses. I get these like cheap reading glasses. They're so scratched up so fast. I just got to get better at it.

Mari gets hundreds of them. And then she gets mad that I take them. But I'm like, there's literally like dozens and dozens of glasses around the house. Glasses USA.com guys. Check it out and they're a great service. And what else? What else we got? Check out CVS readers. You can get them right at the checkout aisle. So you won't do our live ads, but you're happy to do ads for people who don't give my heart. Absolutely. I just think people look cute and readers, Seth. What do you want me to say, then?

Yeah, readers. Readers be good. There's an ASAP-Rucky song called Sundress. And that makes you horny? Is it about readers? No, it's about, if you listen to it, you know, obviously we can't play it here because we'll immediately get this thing

rip it off every platform. Right. The question was, are they sampling the song, Yorm's song from Everyone's a critic? Oh. Now, they're not. But it is fun to listen to it because it's close enough where you're like, that's a fun poll. Have you ever had this depressing moment where you go to look up a song?

Because that's immediately what I did. I went to old Spotify to look it up. And the last thing I had looked up on Spotify was a request from one of my children. And you just realize, like, how far are you fallen? Because the last thing was Pirates of the Caribbean Minions version. You know what? It's good that they have. interests. Yeah, they do. They do have interest. Speaking of interest, Seth, I finished

Widows Bay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Were you scared? I was spooked out the whole time. The show is entirely too spooky, but it did get funnier as it were on, and it was fantastic. I'm fully bandwagon. Widows Bay is great. The Office Clan is amazing. It's been a real fun journey for me to realize how you guys are so easily spooked as a tree. Yeah. Oh, I get spooked out like immediately. Anything intentionally spooky makes me feel spooky. If you guys had come to prominence in like the 40s and 50s, the Lonely Island that is. Like I think he would have been an Avon-Costello situation where a lot of your, instead of digital shorts, it would have been like the Lonely Island versus the mummy or like the

Lothianian needs the creature on the fire. God damn it. Don't say that Yorm's lit up so wide. That's right. Did someone say Abbott and Gisdello? I mean, it's definitely, it is fun to think of like the creature from the Black Lagoon, like tapping Yorma on the shoulder who then taps Kiev, who then taps Andy. And he's like, top it.

Like just, I mean, I mean, Yoram is three snorks in a trench coat. He has three snorks in a trench coat. And there's a couple snorke. I did, Posh, my brother and I did a couple live tapings of family trips this week. We did one in Philly. We were one in Boston. And each one had a Q&A. And there was a healthy amount of Kuwait armies before.

Who were your special guests, Seth? So it's hard. It turns out, and I think everybody who does live podcasts will tell you, It's kind of hard when you're on the road to book special guests. Yeah, you're going to go where they are. In Philly, we had the local NBC traffic reporter is a woman named Sheila Waco who used to work at late night as a photo researcher. And she's dynamite. And she was great, genuinely great.

But then in Boston, we had Tiffany Haddish. Who, can I just say about Tiffany Haddish? And you worked with her, Yoram. Oh, yeah. Last Hodge, right? Last Hodge, yeah, totally. I believe her to be a really special person. I really, I like hanging out with her.

Oh, my gosh. She's so funny. We were pitching something, and every time we were on Zoom, she would just get these crazy, like, Zoom faces where it would be like, she's a unicorn now, but she wouldn't stop, like the entire Zoom. We sold it. He sold it. Somebody wrote Declan walked so Aunt Gladys could run.

Aunt Gladys from weapons. I think they thought that maybe Declan was a precursor. You'll be shocked to know, not, that I haven't seen weapons, too spooky. Oh, God, yeah. I mean, if Widows Bay did a number on you? Yeah, I don't be throwing on spooky stuff. I would say run, don't walk away from weapons. I already have anxiety about season two of Widows Bay,

and they're like just starting to write it, apparently. So, because I know I'm going to watch it because I liked it, but I'm also like, God damn, but I'm going to be like spooked out for all those weeks. Because you know right now they're not trying to think of a way to be less spooky. No, if anything, they're going to lean in more to the spookiness. Yeah. I don't know.

Because, yeah, they're not listening. of this pod being like, bad news, guys, it's too spooky. Seth, I also watched Rory Scoble's new stand-up special and loved it. Great. I've only seen a few jokes on social media that I loved. I love him very much. His vibe is so fucking wonderful. He's such a nut.

The joke I saw that really made me laugh is how much trouble he'd be if his wife died and saying to his kid, all right, look, we're both sad. But seriously, where do you go to school? Where do you go to school? How do we get there? Help me out. Oh, Andy. Yes.

You, of course, decided to start asking us if we made you horny. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. What was that? Yeah, so weird. Hey, did I make you horny when I was about to take off my shirt? You almost made me horny, but then you pulled up.

Well, here's the thing. On the feed, I'll do a picture of me shirtless, okay? Yeah, they're radical. We'll see how many people. And then we can do a little. And that's something people will be able to see. Yeah, and then we'll see who I make horny. Oh, okay.

People enjoyed that when you asked Keith. and it's worth going back to listening, he just very quietly says, I guess sometimes. Which is maybe the perfect answer. I mean, if you spend enough time together. Nobody asking, do I make you horny ones to hear,

I guess sometimes? That would spin you out way more than no. I hope someone says that to Austin Powers if they make a new one. Do I make you horny, baby? I mean, I guess sometimes, and then just walk past them. There are some good reactions

in this last one. The other one that made me the app was, Yorm said you guys were out in Silicon Valley sucking digital dick. Oh, yeah, I did say that. That's, that's, that's, that's your answer. You have a really nice, you have a really nice, Andy just, oh, like you're kind of taken it back.

Yeah, I mean, that's Yorm life. That's your life. I was channeling Bill Hicks, you guys. Oh, yeah. As always. Yeah, yeah. Classic Higgs. I was given shade to the TV show The Offer,

being a 12-hour movie, which is longer than the movie itself. And then somebody pointed out that I said that on a 47-minute podcast about a one-minute digital short. God damn right. Yeah. Again, none of the comments about us are wrong. It's the kind of feedback we look forward to hearing because we don't want to. You know what I've said since the jump on this pod.

Why make something new when you can talk about what you've already made? Yeah. Wait, guys, Remind is in podcast. Munchinem member berries. Oh, memberberries. I got some more. Robert Pattinson is the Dave and Rico of The Odyssey. Haven't seen The Odyssey.

Because he likes to party. Haven't seen it. Yeah. That comment means nothing to me. Wait, hold on. Sorry, they talk about partying in the Odyssey? Like, is there a lot of talk about partying? The window of how long is it okay to not have seen The Odyssey is closing pretty fast, guys.

If you want to talk about a movie that is still in a theater, you're barking up the wrong tree. Yeah, I guess that's true. You know what I've seen in a theater? Toy Story 5. Oh, yeah. Seth, you checking your last thing on Spotify, I think is indicative of the fact that you could also just assume you haven't seen The Odyssey, you know?

Yeah, I guess that's true. What did you think of Toy Story 5? Did you cry? Did you cry? Oh, my God, yeah. Three times, right? It was so good. They know what they're doing.

Did your kids like it? I only went with one of them, and yes. Gotcha. But you know what? A little spooky. I'm just kidding. There was an article about Jack Johns in the New York Times.

Okay. How's he doing? The headline stressed, overwhelmed, have you tried being Jack Johnson instead? His frozen in time anthems odes to going with the flow are the soundtrack to a summer of Hope Corps. Oh, Hope Corps.

Now my question is. That's new. I'll take it. Here's my question. Is JJ Casuals mentioned in the New York Times? No. Yes, it is. Oh, my God. We're back.

We are back. Tell me how it's mentioned. He developed a close relationship with filmmaker Emmett Malloy, collaborating on a pair of surf docs. When Maloy became an in-demand music video director, he brought along Johnson as a secretary of kinem, and this is how they meet.

Anyway, later in the article, Maloy, when describing Johnson, brought up Andy Sandberg, Sendup FM on S&L, and one sketch, Sandberg as Johnson host of the Mello show, throws out non-secutors, cargo shorts, ultimate frisbee vegan cookies. And another, Samberg doesn't add for JJ Casuals, shoes that look like bare feet.

I mean... What a dream to just be in the conversation, still. What a dream. I mean, but to clarify, B-A-R-E, not bear, like, B-E-A-R, like the bear that attacked by him, I mean, right, not like bear slippers. I think Quaid Army knows what the shoes look like. Yeah. Okay. I mean, clarification. Un-shoeed. Okay.

A guy named Kevin claims that he, he pitched clean jeans in the comments for getting a clean genius, so. Yeah. And now he's claiming he's the Rosalind Franklin to our Watson and Crick, because we stole his Nobel Prize. Well, it was worth a. just to get that coming back at us. Yeah, I mean, it's all it. Clean Jean, not to be overly harsh, Seth, like, is a fucking joke, and you should be embarrassed. Oh, it's not.

To the point where my friends, I have two friends from summer camp, and we text about spelling B as well, and they were both, like, immediately like, what do you feel about this Seth clean gene thing? Because they thought it was, like, a fucking joke. Yeah, I don't, and by the way, in case, I know you were worried about being too harsh. I don't feel like that was too harsh at all. Okay, wonderful. Lynn Manuel Miranda Yeah right He commented on our Instagram comments

About his experience of seeing a movie in the Dwagon I knew this was gonna come up But then someone said Somebody commented in our Instagram comment section To Lynn and said A quick question about the Warriors movie You're doing Do I make you horny baby

Answer it Answer it Lynn Oh now I like where this is headed I mean Lynn enjoyed the comment very much And then I think the dude who wrote it is pretty psyched. By the way, I think we talk about Lynn enough on this that we can just say Lynn now moving forward. Yeah, I think that's right. Yeah.

I sent a photo to you guys. I went to the county fair where we are these days. And there was a ride called the Dragon Wagon. Yeah. And I was like, they spelled it wrong. Oh, yeah. There was one with me too when I went to the fair with the toilet. It should just be the Dwagon, obviously.

Yeah. I mean, have they not learned anything? What are we doing here? What are we doing here? Hey, this is the Miley Cyrus episode, Miley Very Good Times. And I want to kind of fall back on what we maybe used to do a little bit more and watch some sketches before we get to a very short short. Yeah, who wears short shorts? Me after Keevan Yorm left.

Because it was going to make us too horny? You finally were allowed to get, because they got too horny and so you waited until they left to start wearing short shorts. Yeah, a new crop of guys. It was an unofficial collab with Nair. Nice pole. I really was like, what? Who was who wears short shorts? Who wear short shorts?

Neer wear short shorts. This has been pointed out. If you wear short shorts. Oh, it was a Nair commercial. Okay, right. Gotcha. Andy. Yom, be real.

You ever put Nair on your butt? No comment. Oh, that's a yes. Seth. That's a yes. Seth. No comment from Yom. Now imagine Yorm.

Now imagine Yorm. But naked, but in full sneakers in the bathroom. Smeering Nair. over his hairy butt, and then letting the butt hair dissolve, and then looking at it in the mirror. And does that make you warning? Yeah. FYI, I was picturing sneaks on, no pants, buck naked, but then also maybe holding onto a bar. I don't know where the bar is, but dipping his butt into a bucket of nair.

Definitely. That's just how it's picturing. Yeah. Unkempt bush up to his belly button. Oh, Seth, you know why ain't that plush. I don't go buggy money from my nair. And nipple clamps connected with chains. hanging from the ceiling in some sort of sex chair.

You guys, can we move on? Mari walks in does not break stride because she's seen it all before. She's so bored. Just a regular Tuesday. It's a Tuesday. All right. Oh, this was something somebody said about, you know, obviously we know Amy Poehler trying to tank our pod, right? Yeah, she's after a big time.

Bad Hanging. Every time she shows up here, bad hang. Yeah. Rival Pod. But now somebody said, how does Andy feel about? the fact that she also has this show about archaeology with dig in the title. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's crazy.

It's crazy. Almost as crazy as the fact that Digman wasn't accepted in today's spelling bee. What? Yeah. Like, are you winter soldiering us or not? It's crazy to dig her. Take a land. No, I, look, I think I spent the better part of my career ripping off Amy and trying to do

things she had done. Yeah. And now she's clearly returning the favor and trying to bury me, pun intended. So it's her time. Yeah, it's her time. It's her time. Well, I said it's her time because it's an incredible transition. And again, I host a late-night talk show.

I'm obviously king of transitions. This is a sketch I remember fondly. I want to watch it with you, Andy. It's called Our Time. Now I see what you were doing. You were teeing up Our Time. I was. The King of Transition.

Okay, let's watch it. I had nothing to do with this sketch. This is Tucker, Marica, a little Malaney. I think Solomon. No? Not in the rundown. Oh. Yeah.

Well, anyway, it's mean. It's very. It's really mean, and I had mixed feelings about it, but it's also undeniably funny. Well, okay, so it's about Apple the App and Taboo from Black Ipe's hosting their own show called Our Time. Yeah. Now, it is a little mean. The fun part, though, is that you and Keenan, the intro song is really fun because it's you just singing your part. Our parts of Tonight's the Night.

Yeah. What's it called? Tonight's going to be a good night? Yeah, exactly. Exactly, exactly. So it's just like long pauses and then, And it takes you a second to know. I couldn't.

It's also funny because it's the opposite of how a Lonely Island sign would be, because it's just long music breaks and nobody talking. But it's, there is a strong premise behind why. And you don't realize what the premise is until like halfway through the song. Yeah, correct, correct. And now show him some respect. It's taboo and Apple D.A. Oh, this is brutal already.

Our own show. Just like the people wanted. Okay. I really will say I liked seeing you and Keenan together again. It gave me DJ Dynasty Handbag vibes. Yeah, some Deep House dish. I mean, I love getting to do scenes with him, we obviously. He's so good because you just know if you fall into his rhythm, it's going to work.

Yeah. I feel like he's been in so many sketches, right? He's been in so many live sketches. He knows over the course of the sketch, like, oh, it's going to be this now. Yeah. Like this is the part that's working. This is the part that's not. Chloe, wow, thank you so much for being here. We know you are so busy. Well, before we begin, we are both in the black IPs. I'm Apple D. Appledee app. Well, you know how Will I am as a way of saying, William. Apple D. Apple app is a way of saying Apple Tee. After the board game,

taboo. No. No. I will say as a follow-up, yeah. Black IPs, came on after that aired. Right after? No, but not long after. And Taboo came like right up to me and was so nice. Great. Like it was just like, that was fucked up. I was like, I know.

I'm really sorry. I didn't write it. He's like, it was funny, though. It was funny and was super chill. Oh, my God. That's all you want. Yes. This is a thing Malini and Fred would do a lot, which is Robert Osborne,

played by Jason Sedakis, would show clips of a famous movie. And Fred would play some. somebody who had been cut out of the film. There was a one where I think we talked about where he played the rooster, the Weathervein, and Wizard of Oz. Oh, yeah, that one was so fucking good. This one is crazy. Hello, I'm Robert Osborne, and welcome to The Essentials,

where we take a behind-the-scenes look at America's greatest films. Tonight, 1965... Seth, we stop for a sec? Yeah. I love that there's a solo laugh of someone who knows who Robert Osborne. It's laughing at the impression. It is such a thing, too, that Higgins would be like, it's a good Osborne.

He's thrilled. He's thrilled. The sound of music. The film is filled with timeless characters and scenes, but tonight, we show you the moments you haven't seen. The ones that ended up on the cutting room floor. Let's take a look. Go along, Maria.

I expect my children who behave at all times. I'm placing them in your command. Oh, yes, sir. When I sound the whistle, they will step forward and say their names. My name's Ricardo, call me Richie, except for my landlord. He just calls me late, you know. Frolin, Maria, this is my adopted son, Richie. Richie didn't grow up in Austria, Froline.

Oh, no, man. I grew up in the hood. Did you ever hear of a hundred and twenty-fifth street? Yeah, we used to call it that old town. The bus wouldn't even go to my neighborhood. The only bus we had was 15 cholo's all in garbage kennel is guantara, mana. Go there to guantara meta.

Oh, not in the original script. part of Richie was added by studio head Darrell Zannick as a vehicle for the 34-year-old Hispanic comedian Richie Inaz Jr. This is just basically Malaney and Fred

with their hyper-specific observation of a certain era of stand-up comedy probably like Freddie Prince is the model they're using. That's fantastic. And I would say it's more for comedy people than the studio audience but I think we're just going to keep watching.

That would be us. That's observed by our losing it immediately. Oh, my God. You're in the next clip, Andy. Take a look at another lost scene. Hey, it's me. I am 16, going on 17. I know that I'm naive.

Fellows I meet me, tell me I'm sweet and willingly I believe. Lizzie, Lisa, Lizzie, check it out. When I was 16, I lived in the projects. And we didn't play hide and sick. We just played hide. I hide behind the fridge. See a couple of cacao witches back there. Shh, got you up there.

We don't hurt him too. And you know we had that fridge on there way, Liso. Right. Richie, can you keep a secret? Rolf and I are in love. Isn't it wonderful? Oh, yeah, yeah. I know about love, man.

Growing up on my block, there was a scrolling Juanita. She had them long legs in one of those Dominican butts. You know those Dominican butts? You know what I'm talking about? Oh, I know. He knows

He knows that I'm talking about Older and wiser Telling me what to do Lisa Lisa Listen listen You sing good chika Don't give up on that, okay? If you listen

closely at the end of that scene You can hear Julie Andrews say You've got to be kidding me Richie Ailes Jr. filmed for seven weeks On location in Salzburg, Austria cast members said he spent most of that time

pointing out things that he didn't have when growing up. Fun fact, all of Richie's lines were lifted from the 1964 comedy album, wanted, dead, or Hispanic. Let's take a look at one final scene. Because then I do, I do, ad do to you and you. Oh, hold on, hold on, let me say one last thing, okay. Bring down the music.

Girl, give me that microphone. All right. You're out there. You're afraid of the Germans. You know what I was afraid of growing up? My grandma, my Aualita, she's just sleeping with one eye old. with a belt in her hand. You even think about breaking something,

guapa. This is that amazing Fred thing that he is the only person I have ever met who can make work, which is now like the audience is actually just kind of with him and listening and he's making that. He's making that observation

that he does better than everybody. He used to do it in his like observations about one man shows and just that thing of like when it becomes maudlin. But he also performs it so well that it sort of works. You kind of are still.

tracking the jokes and the vibe of it. Yes. You're leaning forward to all this. Yeah, you're leaning forward. And he just, it's crazy. Also, a shout out to the back line, Vanessa and Bobby and Miley, who are just have to listen while he's doing this.

He's doing anything wrong. These guys know what I'm talking about. Cuts to Nazis. These guys know what I'm talking about cut to laughing Nazis. Oh. So crazy to see swastikas. That is a really boldy joke.

Fucking crazy to see. Well earned, though, is what I like to say. You got to do it. These guys know what I'm talking about. Wrap it up, Richie. Okay, I'm gonna wrap it up right now. Okay, wait. But every year on your birthday, she's to make you fry plant things.

She'll heat up that pan. You know that pan? But a half a stick of butter in there. And then she threw in those pantings, pss. And that sound... Oh, no. It's the sound of music, man. I knew it was gonna be hateful, but...

The end. Richie I-Nez Jr. win the on to be. be cut out of several other Hollywood classics, including the graduate, Star Wars, and Jaws, where he famously said, we're going to need a bigger butt. For the essentials, I'm Robert Osborne. Very nice. It's an absolute treat. Really good. Then there's a Miley Cyrus and Keenan as Raven Simone doing a Disney Channel acting class. Disney Channel acting school. Disney Channel acting is its own art form and to master it, you're going to need a special

set of tools. On the Disney Channel, every person has to be the loudest person in the room. Watch. What's wrong, Jamantha? If I don't get an A on my science project, I can't go boogie boarding with 10. Well, then you should trick Thomas

into trading projects with you. Good idea! That's Millennia America as well. They were very much Disney. channel era. They had a hot show. They had a hot show. The Miley Cyrus show. Miley showed up as Justin Bieber. That's always fun for everybody. Vanessa playing Miley and then Miley herself showing up. Mostly just fun to see how somebody like Miley Cyrus perceives a Justin Bieber impression. Kind of in the outfit he's wearing in the roommate, like a week previous. Yeah, week previous.

Anthony Crispino, secondhand news, one of my favorite of Bobby's update features. We've talked about him before, but he gets the news a little bit wrong, and it's really fun. And your favorite Fleetwood Mac song, right? Anthony Crispino. Secondhand news. Oh, secondhand news. Yeah. You like singing along to it and going, pika, bough, bough, bach, bough, bough, bough, bough.

That's the one that has lay me down in the long grass. Oh, yeah, we've talked about this last time we did secondhand. Lay me down in the long grass and let me do my stuff. Yeah, you got to let Seth do his stuff. Yeah. Just, and you got to let Yorm do his stuff when he's nair in his butt. Not in the bucket, guys. And also maybe there's, like, one of those sex machines from HBO's real sex.

in this scene with me? And it's just wamping on him. It's wamping him and he's swinging back and forth. Mari walks through doesn't even look at him. She walks in, she's like, did you move my pen? Yeah, he's like, Wednesday. Squawking is like a chicken. I'll splayed out.

Just splayed out. Like, full on both Jonathan and starfished up in the air, but he's like held up in the air. Like Vecna's got him. Just like beautiful new smooth butt. This is all hearsay. Yeah. He's like getting like anime porn, like different everywhere. And she just doesn't.

I mean, like, if Marry's wearing a heart rate monitor, just his flat line, just nothing. You know when we said, guys, that we would go towards sexual harassment? Right. Well, we've gotten there, guys. We've arrived? We've arrived. Yeah, episode two. Fantastic.

You think this is episode two? Well, no, after we talked about that. Oh, right. Anyway, secondhand news, Seth. Go. All right, so here's Anthony Crispino talking about some international news. Let's just move on. Okay.

All right. So, uh, you hear about. This, uh... We're about this situation in North Africa, though? Yeah. There's this wizard over there causing all sorts of trouble, Gandalfi. No. He's not a wizard and his name is Gaddafi.

I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure it was... I'm pretty sure. It's not. It's not. It's definitely not. I'm pretty sure. It's not.

No matter how high your voice gets. Couldn't hear that one. It was too high, but, um, see, said, apparently this Gandalfi, he's a real lady. real ladies man, you know, because he calls himself, you know, the president of Labia. I'm not going to even touch that one. Oh, you're not going to touch Labia, Seth, okay? You got to remember, this predates spelling bee.

Predates spelling bee. Yeah. Oh, but when Labia was, had been desensitized because of the bee all the time. Queen of using the word labia in its root. Um, all right, wait, there's one other thing I wanted to show you. It's a real wig James Kent. And I just feel like we should watch it all the way through. I will just say for people who are listening and not watching,

Whig and Miley Cyrus, very high, like 80s soap star look, sort of satinie dresses, very teased high hair. And it's shot through a filter. It looks like Vaseline on the lens. Beautiful. Very, yeah, very soft, very soft focus. And just the three of them at the height of their powers. So good luck picturing that.

Here we go. Hello, my name is Jamila Lopurkins. And I'm Lynn Dute, and we know what you're thinking. Wow, those ladies have flawless, milky skin. And they also look like they could rock out and jam to rock music they make themselves. That's why we're so excited to introduce our revolutionary new facial cream. And our revolutionary rockabilly CD. You're going to love them both.

Why? Because they're not sold separately. Why? Because they're not, okay? Oh no. This cream locks in moisture and fights fine lines. And this instrumental rockabilly music really rocks the jam. What are they talking about? This.

Putting on cream while we hear the rockabilly music. Some contrast. You'll see results in just two weeks from the music. You'll see results in five to six weeks from the cream. But know that each container only has four weeks worth of cream. Oh no, you better go ahead and buy two creams. This is when at the table, this would be a time where I'm getting very excited. Because hopefully our listeners know that once we start drilling down, I mean, this is sort of a sister piece, too.

I wish it would rain. It's truly just about details and logistics now. It's becoming a math problem. A good two minutes to start that game. Yeah. But now that I know it's the game, I'm over the moon. Also, was it an accident that it said five and a half weeks on the screen when she said four weeks? Who knows?

Yeah. But the good news is you'll get another CD with the second cream. Two creams, so you won't run out. And two CDs. One for you? One for your car. or your friend. But if your friend likes the CD,

she's eventually going to ask you about the cream it came with. And just know that with that cream, you're going to get another CD or more. So remember, every time you get a cream, there'll be at least one CD in there as well. Oh my God, it's purgatory. If you call right away in order three creams, we're going to throw in a free CD.

you'll be getting three creams and four CDs however once you open the crane you cannot return the CD but if you open the CD you can return unopened creams and you'll get a free CD so basically you're always going to be out-creamed by your CDs meaning you'll always have more CDs than cream they get it

So pick up your phone and ask for our cream by name. It's called Rockabilly Lady Party. And our CD is called Moisturizing Facial Cream. Did we mean to do that? Maybe. Or maybe there was a mistake at the printers. Maybe someone warned someone not to use that printer. Maybe someone could have checked.

Maybe someone would have, but they were too busy watching their friend's two-year-old all the time. You love Beth? Yes, I do. but she's a lot. So call now. One operator is standing by. Out of nowhere, a third person has mentioned, Beth. Beth, yeah, but she's a lot.

She's a lot. And one of them made a mistake at the printer because they were watching Beth's two-year-old all the time. All right, final, there's one final bit of cleanup. And get ready to look good and rock out because you kind of have to. Meaning they're not sold separately. They get it, Chabella Rose.

Cream and... CD sold separately. Just fun time. I think my favorite part is that they're not sold separately, but you do get a CD with the cream, right? And then they repeat that, that they're not sold separately. Yeah. Oh, no, no, I get it.

No. Yeah, they're not sold to them. Yeah. All right. So Beasley, what was Beasley based on? There was a movie called Beasley. And so this is just again. We're just remaking the roommate with Beasley.

Yes. I guess we didn't get voice notes from John and Rob this time. No. Fuck. Should we just make them up? Oh. So Beasley, an arrogant and cruel student prone to humiliating, unattractive classmates, is cursed by somebody he hurts and physically transformed in everything he despises.

The only solution to curse is to find someone that will love him as he is. Oh. That's the plot of Beasley. We'll get voice notes from those dudes. Yeah, we'll throw him on retroactively. Yeah. But yeah, it was another week of like kind of not sure what to do. Mm-hmm.

roommate had gone nice and easy. Yeah. Oh, by the way, we never talked about whether or not it's criterion. I feel like we've skipped a few weeks of talking about whether or not things are criterion. Obviously, the roommate. Yeah, we should clean it up. I mean, for me, I would throw the roommate straight into Kim's videos. Oh, interesting.

Like, what is it for, if not that? It's tough for me to do that wholly because it's a movie parody, like a trailer parody. Yeah. But tonally, I agree. Well, so, I mean, I guess the question is, like, is, and again, we've talked about, like, you know, laser cats all like the laser cats collection in criterion closet right i think yes i can't tell i mean hit us in the tittis obviously for me i might go and let's see how we feel after watching this one like deckland movie trailer stuff is in a in its own thing which is just like it's in its own little section

it's a fun little thing i think it's helpful that i don't remember the movies at all you know now it becomes its own original thing this one again uh klein will tell you this is going to be minute 14 nice and tight and it's going to be fun to watch yorm have you rewatched it today no i kept it fresh andy have you no i was going to wait till this i didn't have a free minute 14 i haven't either and i'm really uh excited all right here we go should you vote for me just because i'm the rich popular good-looking guy hell yeah in this school books are everything what's the deal with the witch Steer clear, man. She's into some dark stuff.

I love my good looks. Well, I curse you to a life without them. You have one year to find someone to love you. Or stay like this forever. Pull on home alone. Pull on home alone. Pull on Beasley. And I don't feel as though we're asking our audience to remember you from two weeks ago.

No. We're almost kind of hoping they forgot. In a lot of ways, yeah. In a lot of ways, we want full credit for being a new idea. Yeah, it's like, if you didn't see that one, we're maybe better off. It's a very interesting, the rare recurring character that's kind of hoping the first one didn't make a mark enough that you get. Even though it was like a week earlier. I do like picturing you guys in the room that laughing?

I feel like even Lauren would be like, do we feel like it's too much like the roommate guy? And we were like, it is the roommate guy. All right. So now we don't have a lot more time with Beasley. It's now at the 42 second mark. Yeah, but it's an interesting format. The roommate and Beasley, it's 40 seconds of setup. Yeah.

And then like... We have 30 more seconds of jokes. And then 30 seconds of just jokes back to back to back to back. And one could argue we haven't had. The only joke is that you have had a home alone reaction to it. Yeah. And to reveal of the look that no one has ever seen before. Wink.

30 seconds. Let's see how Beasley does. Now again, one of the reasons to think maybe Beasley doesn't crush it now is this is the rare rule of twos. There will not be a third. There will not be a third. Well, as long as the show is on, that window is open, Seth. You're right.

If Lauren wants to keep doing it, he's going to keep the door open to Declan. That's when they said, do you want to end in season 50? He was like, then there's no third, Declan. All right, here we go. Let me see your face. Pretty gruesome, huh?

I've seen worse. Really? No, dude. You look like I misjudged you, Declan. It's what's on the inside. Oh, dude. What, what's up? Are you serious? I think I sat on some mashed potatoes.

Jesus. Miley Cyrus playing The Girl, and then you turn around making a groaning noise, and you're played by Gene Hackman. So it's a different actor playing Declan this time. Yeah, last week it was, or two weeks ago, it was Ben Kingsley. Yeah, Sir Ben Kingsley, yeah. Sir Ben Kingsley. All right, home stretch nine seconds to go. A couple more jokes.

We've called back sometimes people turn around and Declan is naked on a bed. This time you're eating, fried chicken and you sat on mashed potatoes. That's right. Calling back the John Solomon, that's right. On a piece that John Solomon worked on. That's right. That's right.

Beasley. I'm pregnant and it's yours. You're a man and we haven't slept together. Bird, Rango! Beasley! Beasley! Rango. I got no problem with the way that it.

Oh? Rango. Oh, Solomon sent a voice note that fast. He did? Great. It's such a great age that we're living in, that you can do that. I think it's relevant to note that Andy and I met at the MTV Movie Awards, where it was our job as writers to insert hosts into movie parodies using existing footage.

And I think you can kind of see that expertise at play here in Beasley, where with Rob, we were able to make the first 30 seconds of a minute 15 or so piece. fairly unintelligible, kind of hard to figure out why there's a witch there, where they are, what's going on. And then obviously, Kraft kind of blue chip jokes like Andy's sitting on the bed with his legs bred naked, eating fried chicken, which is an exact repeat of the beat in Beasley two weeks earlier where he's sitting naked on bed.

And, you know, obviously the ring goes. joke at the end. That's all kind of why I worry that Beasley might have kind of soured Lauren on wanting to include Declan as a character in the 50th anniversary of S&L. But I don't know. I don't know. Thank you, John. Oh, blue chip jokes. There was also a nice moment with your co-writer, because it wasn't just John Solomon. It was Rob Klein. We asked him if we wanted to join the pod today, and he said he couldn't because he's watching the twins all day because he has twins.

And Yorm, you actually thought your first read on it was that he was watching the movie twins all day. Which I thought was a better excuse. I mean, I'm sure it's fun watching twins. It's a very funny thing to ask somebody to come on our podcast to talk about a sketch they wrote

and they would rather just watch the movie twins. I mean, it would, to be fair. Yeah. Yeah, I respect to you guys getting out and being like this might not be a thing. Yeah, I liked the roommate jokes more. I liked saying, Rango a lot.

Yeah. It showed on your face. Still wish your head had turned around. The guy in the movie doesn't know the movie he's in. And in fact, says it's a different movie and gets corrected by the other person in the movie. That's something I like. That's a real shy Ronnie vibe, too, this one. You know, Declan has a little bit of crossover.

There's a Venn diagram there. Yeah, no doubt about it. He talks different, though. Oh, that's true. Yeah. I'm going to try one more time. Welsh name that I keep saying wrong. Reese Eiffens.

I think it's Reese Eiffons. Okay. Anyway. Hey, Andy, somebody said your Don Pardo impression sounds like a sleepy Nicholas Cage. So I'm going to address that, but just to be clear, we're moving off Beasley. Yeah, yeah, we're done. We're done. Did you have more to say about Beasley?

I don't know. I mean, it's going to be the name of this episode. Yeah, that's true. All right, keep going. I thought it was fine. Yeah, it's fine. Roommate, stronger. It had the advantage of the discovery, you know, of this Zerner.

this new idea, this new world. It's late in your run at this point. It's late in your run and people are like, whoa, he's got more in the back. Whoa. He's been saving deckling. This don't ever run out. This isn't like Sharon at all. Kim's video on roommate.

Do you think you were decklining? This was your way of trying to make it easier for Lauren to let you go. You were like, if I just got to keep hitting him with decklands, he'll be like, it's time. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know.

I mean, it's somewhere between that desperation. and exhaustion, I would say. Yeah. But I also liked the look of the character, and I liked that we had an idea already. It's fun. I bet you were in a good mood when you were in full deckland gear with Klein and Sully.

Yeah. It was easy to shoot. Yeah, it looks good. They did a good job of cutting it in. It's a good positive. It was easy to shoot. You were with people you liked. Oh, was I ever.

So, sleeping a cage. Do you think that's a fair hit on your part? I mean, kind of everything I do is a little bit that, right? So just now as a sleeping at cage. Yeah. Sleeping at cage, doing SNL intros. Give me like Mikey Day, Andrew Dismukes, James Austin Johnson. This is Saturday Night Live.

I don't know. I'm trying to make it sound more sleeping at cage. Yeah. Because my Don Pardo is more like that, you know. All right. Now just do a wide awake. Nick Cage. Give me a Michael Chee. Give me a Mikey Day. Land your host.

The Ayatola. I don't know. I'm not locked in. If I'm being honest, I'm not locked in. You're not locked in. It's fine. It's fine. Sometimes people, you know, in the comments, they'll have a time code. And then it'll allow me to reference something. Like, for example, the way you said, oh. Right. Or the way that Keith said, I guess sometimes when You said, I'm making it on the morning. Yeah, from earlier in this episode, yeah. Yeah, and someone in last week's episode wrote 4308, and then they just wrote shout out to time codes.

And so I thought they were shouting out how helpful they are. But when I clicked it, it was me saying shout out to time codes. Works on so many levels. If you do enough episodes of a podcast, you eventually will say something like shout out to time codes. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of you're like what would happen in my life To make that be a thing I say

If I told you that a few years ago You'd be like, you know, someday you're gonna say publicly Shout out to time codes You'd be like, fuck off Fuck off, Sambert I'm not some boring dweeb I got a talk show on television I'm not gonna do a different medium

That's time code dependent Like I'm young I'm a young man All right dudes All right dudes The last of Declan We won't see Declan again for a while while.

Wait, hold on. So I'm going to say Kim's video for the roommate, not for this one, and then I'm curious what Keith thinks. And then we didn't talk about the creep. Oh, yeah. Cryton, for sure. For sure. Seth's not sure.

It does not have my vote. I feel more conflicted than I thought I would be based on its quote-unquote success within our canon. Wait, so you wouldn't have before it was successful. And now that it is, you don't. Well, I'm not sure. It makes me think it's a candidate for it. For me, the creep misses.

There's a big laugh missing for me on the creep. Okay. I don't disagree. Can I tell you my reasoning for keeping it? Yeah. My reasoning actually has to do with musical stuff. I had always wanted us to do a dance song, even if I was fucking cut out of it, like if my friends weren't a piece of shit.

And what was your verse, though? I want to find it. Yeah, where's your verse? We didn't actually complete it. It was me under the bleachers, and I wrote part of it. and we started recording it, and then we were all like, no, it doesn't actually need it. We decided in the room.

You never recorded it? I think I may have started it, and I can't remember, but it maybe felt redundant or something. I can't remember what our thinking was, but, yeah, it's not on wax. It's not on digital wax. But to me, like, in the same way, you know, like Brass Monkey was, you know, like a little bit of our Santana DPX.

Like, it's a song that should be on an album, and to me, just because of that, should be it is canon it is uh i don't want to say canon i think it's all those things i think it's canaan i think it's great album song i just think we talk about criterion so you're basing that on just like how many laughs then like joke wise it has to like hit a certain bar for you and it and it didn't yeah i think we're not using canon correctly i just want to point that i think so too yeah canon is like the lore of a world created in a story or a shit well then i think we are but you know what i'm not as good at spelling b and like you know definitions

That's true. Andy's right. Andy is right. It is... Fuck. Really? Yeah. But...

You can say... I only repeated Yoram because he said it so confidently. That's what you need. But isn't there a different way of using it, which was the first way I used it, which is in our canon? Like, canon of work. Is that a different thing?

Or am I wrong? Yeah. Well, it's... That's the way I was using it. Yeah. That movie event is part of the official story can. I was also saying that it was explosive. Like, you guys were saying it was canon, like, the way people talk about, like,

a story point or something in like Lord of the Rings or Marvel or something. I was saying it was part of our canon, a canon of work, an accepted body of official genuine or highly respected writings and creation. Interesting. You know what I mean? I meant like canon like, like, boom. That really went off with a shot. And I was talking about the camera brand.

Okay, six. So we're all on the same page. Yeah. Or different pages, but all put together. It's one book. The most important thing is that this episode never ends because it was the most important one ever. Oh, the band Katzai was on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, and it kind of felt like they were doing the creep.

Oh, really? Yeah. I got to check it out. Yes, you sent that, Seth. The dance move was, and I'm sure they have a fan base that is cool and laid back, and I wouldn't take this as a criticism. But, uh, they like drinking shit. Keep couldn't be here.

We didn't mention that. Oh, yeah, we should have mentioned that. The schedule didn't work out. But he's on Keith leave. Yeah, he's on Kiev leave. I'm sure that he's already sent some in and you've been hearing them already. But if there's any Keeves grieves, or Keeves grieves, or... Keeves grieves. I'm not going to fight that. Or Keeves, Keith's Peeves. Yeah. This would be a spot for those right now, Keev. You could just hit us in the proverbial tithis. Hello, everybody. It's Akiva. Sorry I couldn't make the episode this week, but I also wasn't there at SNL this week. So it kind of works out. I've just been listening to the app. And I'm I got to say, guys, I love it. I'm a big fan. Quaid Army. I know that sounded sarcastic, but I really mean it. The creep is criterion. And you're wrong, Seth. Andy, I can tell you're on the fence. But Yoram, it is, and you don't have to defend it. It just clearly is.

And then the roommate is not Kim's video for me, but I don't have specific complaints except for maybe that it just feels kind of slight and lazy. But is that specific? I don't know. And then beastly, obviously, criterion. All right. You know what's one of my thorns, my yormthorns? Yeah, what's your own?

It's with a thorn, yoram. Okay, so I remember this. This was a real yoram thorn at the time. So I was in Spain. I was at a McDonald's. It was trying to get some ketchup. And I was like, ketchup? Do you have ketchup?

And they were like, huh? I'm what? Okay. ketchup. Do you have any ketchup? And they were like, oh, it went on for a while. And then she was like, oh, catsup. And I was like, are you kidding me?

Fucking, that's like the same word. Anyway, cat's eye sounded like catsup. Jesus. Fucking crazy that you get money for this. You fucking love it, bro. I didn't say I didn't love it. So, Andy, it feels like that maybe the telling of that story is your Yorams Thorne. We've all got our thing, guys.

What is it? Nothing rhymes with Andy that is like an agitation. Yeah. Andy's. I will tell you that I knew I feel like I've been doing this podcast long enough or maybe just known Yorm long enough. The minute he said, cats up, I was like, oh my God, that's what cats I made him think of. I knew where I was like, what was that? I was like, what is this? Yeah.

I'm like, oh. What about Andy's Randys? Because he's so horny recently. Or like Andy's Candies because candies give you cavities. Oh, yeah, that too. I'm workshopping it, Seth. I don't need the judgment, dude. I'm sorry.

Yeah, sound off in the comments about what Andy's complaint should be called. Or maybe it's just like Yormthorne's Andy's version. We just gave up. We gave up with a wordplay. What episode is this? Finally?

I don't know, a million. Million and 700. Oh, Kevin Miller pitches Sam Burns. Oh, I don't know. I got a sandburn. Something that burned my butt. Yeah. Just like the Nair did on.

Oh, and he's just, he's like swinging back and forth, just squawking. Mari walks in. Robot sex robot chasing him around the room like he's a pinata. He might as well be a ghost. Yeah. And he's Randis. There's nothing Yorm can do that could make Mari act like she's seeing it for the first time. That is very true.

Let me tell you, she is bummed out. He's like, oh my God. It's happening again. Look at me. This is to get the hair off my butt and nothing else. I don't enjoy it. Fucking HBO, real sex, pistons just firing. Shish, shoo-shin.

Stuff is expensive. Hose all curled. And his roundies. Anyway, that's my friend. Oh, dear friend. All right. I know that I don't say this often enough, but I love you guys. Love you, buddy.

I love you, too. Later, Arnold. Later, Quades. Later, Keith. Later, keef. Yorm, love the ketchup story. So good. Seth, Katzai is well loved in this household, and I don't appreciate what you were saying. Hands off, Gabriella. Gabriela, hands off, Gabriella.