The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers Podcast - Cubicle Fight

Episode Date: June 24, 2024

The guys cover a TON of fun sketches in this episode including Jon Bovi, Airport Security, KUATO, and of course, the digital short, Cubicle Fight! Cubicle Fight - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmGe5-FtrVgJohn Bovi - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZN4AYfeTheU&t=83s (Not all the clips we mention are available online; some never even aired.) If you want to see more photos and clips follow us on Instagram @thelonelyislandpod. Sponsors:AirbnbThe Lonely Island Podcast is supported by Airbnb.  Your home might be worth more than you think.  Find out how much at airbnb.com/host GametimeTake the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with Gametime.Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LONELY for $20 off your first purchase.  Terms apply. BetterHelpThis episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/island and get on your way to being your best self.” LinkedInPost your job for free at LinkedIn.com/RESOURCE to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply." Produced by Rabbit Grin ProductionsExecutive Producers Jeph Porter and Rob HolyszLead Producer Kevin MillerCreative Producer Samantha SkeltonCoordinating Producer Derek JohnsonCover Art by Olney AtwellMusic by Greg Chun and Brent AsburyEdit by Cheyenne JonesMix and Master by Jason Richards

This episode is brought to you by Airbnb. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.com slash host. Should we just check in with each other first? Just like as friends, like everybody, okay. I'm pretty bad. Keith's definitely not good. I didn't sleep at all. I'm not great. Like bad today or just bad in general? No, no. Physically, we all feel like shit.

I felt good yesterday for the record. And then today I didn't sleep and I feel like shit. I got super sick yesterday and was in bed all day. Oh, great. Did you throw up? No, but I got really nauseous at the end of the day and thought I was going to. And I was worried I was going to have diarrhea and I didn't either. But my stomach felt like stabby pains. Wait, wait, wait.

Save that for the pod. Yeah, Seth, start it up. Well, we're recording. Okay, great, great. Yeah, don't worry. What do you call it when you think you're going to have diarrhea, but then you avoid it? I don't have the answer. I'm just saying let's pitch on it.

Oh. What is it called when you think you're going to have diarrhea? A misdirection. Oh, that's something. Misdirection. That's right. Diarrhea another day. Live to diarrhea another day.

Oh, it's like a movie. That's really good. Yeah. That's really good. All right. You won. Great. Well, that can be definitely in the professional podcast.

Well, I think that's the open. I think that's what we like to call the cold open of the podcast. Then we go into some hot tracks. We talked for a long time, and then we came to that. And that means that if you heard this, it's time once again for the Seth Meyers and Lonely Island podcast. The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast. Gentlemen, we have actually not taken a break from doing this, but in a way, the work, your work at SNL has taken a break because as we've established, you go on hiatus,

you make the film Hot Rod, it's going to be a full 12 months before the world gets to see Hot Rod. So you're still maybe flying a little high, but you're very tired i'm assuming you've come back to work very tired we wrapped on a friday and we started snl on monday that's crazy it was very uncalled for the only thing that beats that is coming back from mcgruber we literally flew out and went straight to 30 rock save it for the mcgruber summer no one's fucking talking about mcgruber you're it. And we're not gonna talk

about it, so I gotta talk about it now. I gotta get it in. Hey man, my dad died. Fuck, I remember when I was shooting MacGruber, a dad died. It's September 30th, 2006, and Dane Cook is back as the host, and I

would have guessed, we're now entering a time, which is very exciting. I don't remember the order of digital shorts to much accuracy. I had an assumption that you guys would have hit the ground running in your second year with digital shorts. And we sort of talked earlier today, maybe not in any way, shape or form. Was that the case? We needed the pressure of Christmas. Oh, so Christmas is really when you guys find your way back. Not in any way, shape or form was that the case. We needed the pressure of Christmas. Oh, so Christmas is really when you guys find your way back. Well, that's when we were like, man, remember Christmas last year?

Everyone was all excited. We haven't done anything like that. Because you really don't do anything like that in the Dane Cook show. No, we limp in. That's fine. We are exhausted. No, you're right, though. We had just come from High Rod.

We were exhausted, right? Burnt out. And so grateful to have someone else have an idea. Yes. I should say to our listeners, like, if you decide it's time to listen to this podcast and maybe you open up one of your podcast apps and you scroll to this podcast and you hit play, in doing that, you've put more work into the preparation of the podcast than we have. About 30 minutes before we record each podcast,

we all start texting, wait, hold on, who wrote this? What is Cubicle? I would say two hours before. We watched some videos for this. Two hours before. Two hours before. We then ask people to send us links

of things that exist on YouTube. Yeah. That's where we're at. That's right. And Cubicle was the title of the Dane Cook digital short. But I believe this is the first Don Roy King episode. Oh, that might be right.

New director, Don Roy King, who then goes on to win, I want to say, nine or ten Emmys. It basically just cleans up the director for Variety Talk. And he always said that he wanted to win as many Emmys as he had vests, right? Oh, he beat me to it. I was going to say, were they all for best vest? Do you look up pictures of him? Yes. Don Roy King,

the incredibly accomplished and well awarded director of SNL, wore a lot of vests. And now you know. Biggest change, though, is we have a massive cast departure and no additions. Tina Fey leaves. Finesse Mitchell leaves.

Chris Parnell. Horatio Sanz. Rachel Dratch. All people who added a lot to the previous season. They all leave. Nobody new joins. Everybody who is new is full cast. Now, obviously, we know that featured player is just a name, means nothing, right? Yeah, depending how you're doing.

But it mostly is, I think, a way to signal to the audience, don't expect too much from this person yet they're new. Other than that, your responsibilities are the same as any other cast member. Yes. And you're getting paid significantly less. but yes. Right. It's a nice way of saying you were paid less, but the usual run of business is you are a featured player for two years and then they bump you up. And I think that my first year, cause I started with Amy Poehler, she, because she had more credits going into her time at SNL than I did, had managed to negotiate that after Christmas, she was full cast. But I did go the full two years. And I don't know if this happened for you, Andy,

but when you get full cast, your friends think you have accomplished something other than just the passage of time. Yes. Did Amy lord it over you, the fact that she was cast and you were just like a peon?

You know what? It speaks to the kind of character that Amy Poehler has. She came and told me, she said, hey, I just want you to know I'm going to be full cast. I have better credits than you. Basically everything I just said to you guys. Yeah.

So yeah, so she was kind. She had already made an entire sketch show, right? Yeah, she had done an entire UCB sketch show. But now I think that Lauren had no choice but to make everybody full cast because otherwise there were basically been seven cast members and four featured players. And instead, we have an 11 person cast.

We are now in two. Maybe my favorite run of things just because of how lean and mean it is. And I wish my wish for every SNL cast member from here until the end of time is that at some point they're lucky enough to be on an 11 person cast because you just get to try everything. Yeah. So everyone got bumped up, Seth, is what you're saying? I didn't actually even remember this. Everybody got bumped up. Got it. So we go into the season. Here's your cast. Armisen Forte, Hader Hammond, Myers Poehler, Rudolph Sandberg, Sudeikis Thompson, Wig. Oh man, hitters. Hitters. Heavy hitters.

Hitters. Well, you really see it in today's short, actually. It was one of my main takeaways watching it was seeing all the nice young faces around the cubicle and seeing that it's, everyone is a hitter, as Jorn would say. A hitter, yeah, you said it. Yeah. It's a lot of hitters being lovingly supportive

in a sketch where they don't have much to do. But that is a really cool thing about the start of the season is we are very lean. We are very mean. And it forces, especially when you lose someone as utile as Chris Parnell, who would play a politician every week over the course of a season. Now you have to go elsewhere for it. And sometimes you're lucky enough that it lands on Sandberg. Yes. A lot of joy. His true calling, the political sphere. Known for his political impressions. Yes. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. We'll get there. We'll get there. So let's talk a little bit about Cubicle. Yeah. I noticed you're calling it Cubicle,

not Cubicle Fight. Is that what it was on the rundown? It is, but I guess a more accurate description of it is Cubicle Fight. Yeah. That was probably our way to not try to ruin the surprise that it was going to be a fight, even though it says cubicle fight in huge yellow letters right at the beginning when it starts. I have a dumb question about the title. Keeve, is that Impact as a font? It looks slightly different to me. Or is it that you crushed it together?

Sorry, this is very nerdy that I would ask that. No, let's take a look. I'm going to pull up. It looks like Impact, but then like squashed to fit in the screen. Save it for your font podcast. Not interesting, but isn't it funny that I would ask that? I think it is Impact and I might've just stretched it. Ah, interesting.

For no reason. Not 100% Lonely Island of a choice. Yeah, yeah. Well, it had to be a little different because this isn't- Well, yeah, because it's not a short. Yeah, so- Oh, no, it does have the card, doesn't it? It does have the card. So at a certain point,

we instituted a rule on the SNL Digital Short card because we decided it really was ours and it meant that it was a Lonely Island production and we stopped putting it on ones unless at least two of us had worked on them.

Is that fair to say? Yeah, so Andy's in it and you directed it. I don't even know if I went to set. I. So Andy's in it and you directed it. I don't even know if I went to set. I'm quote unquote in it. But technically none of you were behind the idea of it. That's what we figured out today. Correct. John Lutz wrote it at the table. But it's Dane's idea. Dane Cook came in. Hot. He came in hot. And had this idea. That's why his name is first on the list there. And I remember him having the idea and it was a good idea. And then because of that, it got assigned writers in a more

traditional way. Yes. So Lutz was the main point person, John Lutz. John Lutz, who of course went on to 30 Rock and is now a writer for Late Night with Seth Meyers. That's my show. That's right. I asked John Lutz to record a voice note. He said, I'm on a train. Let me know if this is okay. And I wrote back, ha ha, this is terrible sound quality. Okay, great. But then he said, I'll record another one when I get off my train. Hello, this is former SNL writer John Lutz calling in.

Just wanted to give my opinion and say that I believe that a cubicle fight was one of the best digital shorts ever made during my time at the show. The reason it was good, I thought, was because it really featured Jason Sudeikis and Bill Hader. I feel like more digital shorts needed Hader and Sudeikis. I just feel like the other ones were missing that. I also will say it was written by me,

which is something else they could do more of. I think that Lonely Island seemed to write a lot of those things. They could have spread it out a little bit and gotten some better quality digital shorts, but that's just my opinion. So thank you for your time, and thank you for your consideration.

That's very sweet of him. I love it. He technically works for my show, but I do not consider myself John Lutz's boss. I've known him for too long. We came up in Chicago together. He's a colleague. That's how Akiva talks about me, but I still consider him my boss.

There you go. We're colleagues. I will say Akiva has a real boss energy. And even when he started at SNL, I felt like he might be my boss a little bit. I mean, Akiva kept screaming on Hot Rod that he was going to fire us. A lot of hugs.

That's my main thing. Yeah. Oh no, that he was going to fire. A lot of hugs. That's my main thing. Oh, no, he's a little handsy. Too many hugs. Let's talk Dane Cook for a second. Yeah. Did we already talk about that? We were fans of him. We've talked about how he hosted twice in a calendar year. Oh, that's why I was like, why have we already talked about this guy? It was his like boom time. He was the biggest comedian in the world for two to three years. Yeah. Didn't Dane have some other pitches though too for other shorts?

This is my memory of it that might be really wrong is that he came in with this one and I was so relieved because again, we had flown out on Sunday and now it was Monday and then in comes a funny host who has his own idea for a short and the idea that we could kind of, you know, I'd still have to do the work, but we could just relax and not have to kill ourselves to try to think of something was a huge relief

to all of us. And then watching the short, it feels like something we would have written. That's kind of the most surprising part about it. But I guess not because Dane's comedy, he seems so different from us, but a lot of his comedy was surreal. And the builds it had, they were very similar to the kind of things we liked. So it shouldn't be that surprising. Also, we had done enough shorts that people saw how they were working, I think. But the fact that

it just sets up a very simple idea and then just is trying to do, do you want to describe it for a second, Seth? The very simple idea is Sudeikis is a boss showing new hire Bill Hader to his cubicle. He gets to his cubicle, which is tiny, and Dane Cook is already in that cubicle. Sudeikis leaves, and there's basically two men enter, one man leave energy. We splash cubicle fight over the frame. And then the two of them have a very sort of like almost like Jackie Chan, Jason Bourne type fight with the things you would find in the cubicle. Hey, Steve-O.

I'm going to need that Higgins report on my desk by three. You got it, Mr. Kelly. Sure. Gary, settling in? Oh, yes, sir. And there's some good, I would say, Zucker Zucker Abrams-style surreal jokes, like opening up the hole punch thing where it has all the little confetti of paper

that you've hole punched and blowing it into his eyes and he reacts the way you do if you had like acid spilled in your face. Yes, because then moments later, Fred is hit with a coffee in the face. Correct. And then there's a nice one with the pencil where he's trying to attack him with a pencil and it's being held back the way you would a knife in a Saving Private Ryan style scene. But then he comes up with the electric pencil sharpener and kind of blocks the pencil with it.

But then when Bill pulls out the pencil, now it's very short. Oops, sorry. Forgot to mention. Bathrooms, down the hall. I had to watch it twice because I was so confused as to what Bill was reacting to. And then I realized, oh, he's now reacting as though the pencil was part of his physical being. But it had been shortened. Gruesomely shortened. And again, we talked about the tight cast.

And there is something fun about the fact that everybody's head sort of pops up from the adjacent cubicles. And the first round is really fun because people are sort of underplaying it. They're popping their heads up. Nobody is overenthusiastic one way or the other. You know, it implied to me that that's how they all got their cubicles. Right. That this is a normal thing. If you show up at this office and get hired, you have to take a cubicle from somebody. I think that logic holds. Yeah, I think that comes through. Now, Seth, you're not in the cast anymore. Well, this is a real gray area. I mean, I'm not in sketches anymore. Well, that's what I mean, because when I look at the list that you just went over of

who's in the cast, they're all in this short, except for Daryl. I think me, Maya, and Daryl are not. Oh, Maya's not there. Yeah, I didn't see Maya in it. Because I did actually, while I was going over the list as well, I thought, oh, is this everybody? And we're going to get to other things in this show because we now have the kind of cast

where you can do a full cast sketch and almost get everybody out there, which is a blast. Yeah, everyone shines in this one. So I would say this. Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean, they're all hitters. That's true.

It's a very goofy sketch with goofy stuff, and then it ends, though. What is the actual murder weapon? Letter opener. Letter opener. Steve, take my magic eight ball! Oh! Oh, no. Dane takes the letter opener and just off camera stabs Bill and blood splatter on everybody.

Keeve, do you feel like this was like a precursor to you doing Naked Gun? Do you feel like that this is going to be a lot of like stuff that you learned in Cubicle Fight is going to end up in there? And why are you always you doing Naked Gun? Do you feel like that this is going to be a lot of like stuff that you learned in Cubicle Fight is going to end up in it? And why are you always bringing up Naked Gun? Am I right? This is what the Zucker brothers, David Zucker watched this sketch and went, get me this guy for the next one,

for the reboot. However long it takes. Bring this guy in. He gets what we do. Keev, I actually have a director question. You're doing a blood spurt. Obviously when you blood spurt a cast, you're going to ruin their wardrobe, ruin their makeup.

Ideally, you get it the first time. Yeah. Now, of course, they're going to have doubles of everything. Do you remember shooting the blood splatter twice? I'm guessing this was a one-time thing. Got it. Especially because it's also getting on the walls and the cubicle. That'd be a big reset. The Lonely Island Podcast is supported by Airbnb. Hey, Jorm. Hi. You know

how last summer my family and I circumnavigated the globe? I do. And I was jealous. Took a balloon, went around the world, took somewhere between 79, 81 days. And while I'm doing it, I'm thinking I should Airbnb my place, right? I would be nuts not to look into it. You know how expensive it is taking a balloon, just the propane to keep it aloft. I know you spent an arm and a leg on that trip. And I commend you for wanting to chip away at that nut. Of course, because otherwise you're stressed the whole trip. Otherwise you're a fool. You're a fool. You said it, and you're the first to say it. A lot of people don't realize they might have an Airbnb of their own right under their noses.

It's a low-lift way to make sure you're using the space and even earning some money. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com slash host. Don't be a fool. Crack that nut. Support for the Lonely Island and meyer's podcast comes from game time i love going to concerts your arm you know what the best concert i ever went to uh grizzly bear back in the day the lonely island oh i saw at the armory in minneapolis i love those guys

truly one of the greatest things seeing you guys live and game time makes getting tickets for concerts and events that will be memories forever faster and easier. Even if you don't buy tickets right away, prices on the GameTime app actually go down the closer it gets to show start time. Jorm, I was browsing through the GameTime app and it's amazing. I'm seeing all the upcoming concerts, the other sporting events that I'm excited to see. And I know that I don't have to panic. I don't have to buy right away. GameTime is going to tell me when it is don't have to panic. I don't have to buy right away. Game time's going to tell me

when it is the optimal time to purchase. Is Grizzly Bear playing anytime soon? Yorm, are you a last minute fella? You know I am. Well, guess what? Guess what? You can save up to 60% off buying last minute for sports concerts, comedy theater,

or Grizzly Bear, who you keep pushing. I can't wait to see them again. There's zone deals, Yorm. You can save even more when you choose this section and let game time choose the seats there's all in pricing toggling this feature shows the total up front no surprise fees at checkout i remember once i was with you and we got hit with a surprise fee and you lost your fucking mind i doubled over it hit me right in the face and then oh it was like in the stomach after that i hated it take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with GameTime. Download the GameTime app, create an account,

and use code LONELY for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code L-O-N-E-L-Y for $20 off. Download GameTime today. Last minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. Later era, after you guys are gone, I wrote a sketch where Melissa McCarthy was a girls basketball coach who was very abusive towards her team. And I think we're in New Jersey and she was shooting a t-shirt cannon at them while they were running along the bleachers.

And the stunt guy told me very confidently he had a bunch of C4s. And so did the first one. I would say the first one was b plus and then we went to do the second one and f minus barely left the t-shirt cannon just like shot out a little bit and fell and he was like oh i think i think that c4 is out don't worry i got a rig where i can load it up and immediately it wasn't that he had a second c4 canister he had some like weird version of like C4 back. Or he had a refill. Yeah, and then he just kind of messed around with it for five minutes.

And to his credit, didn't make us wait an hour. Walked over and said, yeah, I don't think this is going to work. And I'm like, all right, we'll just use the first one. And that was it. And by the way, it was a perfectly usable shot. An observation I made, Sudeikis has always been a very good food actor, very good gum chewer. He's working it.

Yeah. Oh, my God. He's like borderline pitting it, you know? Yeah. There's a Brad Pittian quality. Now, again, we've seen him at this point chew gum in A-holes. We know he can do that. But when he returned the second time we see him, he's back, I think, with like baby carrots

and just... A fistful. A giant fistful of baby carrots. Yeah. And a very fun, using exactly half of his face to talk, chewing with half and then talking with half. And it's really a delightful performance. Now, the report he keeps asking for is the Higgins report.

Yes. Which is not only Steve Higgins, one of the producers at SNL at the time, I mean, still is now, but was even then. So we knew it and Higgins was going to see this and there was going to be a Higgins report. But then it's also the character on Ted Lasso is named Higgins. So is this technically the prequel to Ted Lasso

and we should be getting cut in? That's what I'm wondering. We should talk to lawyers. I mean, one, Sudeikis has a mustache. Yeah. Two, Higgins. And he's a boss and a kind of with a jolly disposition. One might say the coach

of the cubicle team. And it seems like a very similar character. It's a very light and smiley. Now, you keep saying that the cast is all hitters, Jorm. Do you think it is a coincidence that when I look at the show intro, it says right after everyone's name,

you know, Kristen Wiig, and then it says, the killers. Oh, yeah. Now, does Lorne put that together? Does he go, I've whittled this down to 11 cast members. They're all killers. Let's get the killers on here to kind of just conflate the names.

I think that Lorne said hitters, but that it was interpreted as killers. And then that got put in. Oh, the talent department got it wrong. You're saying Lorne asked the music department to find him a band called The Hitters. Yes. Yeah, they were like, hey, we got the Goo Goo Dolls. And he was like, are you kidding?

If people see the whole cast introduced and then hear the word Goo Goo Dolls, they're going to think we're a bunch of nuts. We're begging. We're begging the New York Post to write the headline, Goo Goo Dolls ruin SNL. Yes. And they're like, get me something with balls, you know? Yeah. These guys are sharpshooters of comedy.

It's a murderer's row. Seth, how does that killer song you like go again? Sing it out. As loud as you. Oh, we're humans. Oh, we're dancers. Yeah, that's great. They chose the hardest one.

I did. It was not quite in my register. I was just remembering when Seth was singing that at the top of his lungs at Andy's bachelor party. Front row of David Copperfield. Can we get through one of these without giving like great detail about my bachelor party? Spoiler alert, David Copperfield. You know what? I'll definitely bring up your bachelor party again when we get to a certain digital short.

I wonder which one. Well, at least twice. There's at least two digital shorts that are going to lead to a bachelor party story. Oh, I can't wait. Yeah. But I'm not going to get ahead of ourselves. Okay, guys. For me, you twisted my arm.

It was Mr. Bright Sides. I also like saying Mr. Bright Sides. Oh, what a fan. I don't think it's sides. I think it's singular. Well, I don't know. That's how I sing it. By the way, Sam's Town, I believe is that album.

Great album. That album's all hitters. Yeah. But you have to remember, Andy, it keeps coming up because it was also basically my bachelor party. Yeah. So it's like two of our bachelor parties. And kind of mine, in a way. And Keeve's too.

Keeve never had a bachelor party. Hey, we basically now, I should say, it hasn't taken us a long time. We're basically through the first episode's digital short, which is Cubicle. Worth watching. Certainly not going in the Criterion Collection. I have a quick question. Dane has an idea for a digital short. Dane writes it with Lutz. Is there any reason why? Because you would think Dane's seen the digital shorts, loves the digital shorts. Why is it Dane and Bill and not Dane and Andy? Well, you heard from the horse's mouth, right?

Lutz hates Andy. Oh yeah. I'm going to just guess because I look too young. Yeah, that's true. It was still before a time where it was believable you'd have an office job. Yeah, they are supposed to feel like square office cubicle drones. I would work there, but I wouldn't have my own cubicle. Yeah, you're the cubicle next door. I'm kind of peeking over, but I like to think I was more of like mailroom, you know, passing through. I also have a clue. It's on the script.

The writers credited are Cook, Lutz, Hader, Myers. So Bill fucked me. No, he did the work. No, he fucked me out of my own enterprise. All we ever do is put him in it. This is very similar to how he got to be Barry. He was in the room, right? Because you were supposed to be Barry, right? He got in the room first. And then he was there and he's like, guys, hear me out. I'm in here writing. Why don't I just do it?

Should I be Barry? He was in the writer's room and he kept doing, they kept reading scenes and he'd be like, I'll do Barry again. And at a certain point they were like, you're really doing it well. And I remember Andy was like out getting a smoothie and he came in and he's like, hey, how's that Barry script coming? Yeah. The one where I'm a assassin.

I like to think that Andy refused to cut his hair for this. Oh, I see. But also, Barry would be a worse show if it had Andy's 2006 hair. Definitely, yeah. Noticeably. He's supposed to be like ex-military or something, right? Agree to disagree. Before we move on to the second show of the season,

can we pop over to Seth's Corner real quick? Yes, absolutely. You know it. Seth's Corner, you're all invited. Seth's Corner, it's happening right now. Take it away, Seth. Alright, it's two things

I want to get down for everybody here. First was the cold open and the joke in the cold open, which I really enjoyed, it didn't quite play red hot, but I thought it was a very nice observation is that it's 2006, the early who's going to be the Republican candidate to run in 2008. And it was the idea that nobody wanted George W. Bush to campaign for him because he was very unpopular at the time. So it was a local comptroller election and the comptroller

was thanking everybody for coming who'd spoken ahead of him. And it was just local official, local official, local official. And like the seventh person was Forte as George W. Bush. President George W. Bush made it down from D.C. to help the campaign. That was awful nice. And last but not least danny pendleton from this very school's republican club who organized the top-notch car wash operation that raised 500 for the campaign i don't know we've talked about it forte got put in the unenviable position of playing george w bush he was one of the many people who played it after Farrell. Tough road to have.

Yeah, that's a rough assignment. And by the way, a lot of talented people tried. Nobody ever broke through. I think if you go through the order, it was... Forte was maybe first? No, Parnell, I think, was first. Maybe Parnell, then Forte, then Sudeikis for a while, right? Yeah.

Did Daryl ever do it? I feel like Daryl had one, but maybe didn't do it. That's something we should have done a little research for. But the reality is, I should note, Forte didn't like doing it. I thought he was really good. Yeah, so did I. But I think he, as anyone would be, they knew you were aiming to be everybody's second favorite, George W. Bush ever.

Right. Good point. you were aiming to be everybody's second favorite George W. Bush ever. Right. Good point. But I remember this address, and it was a line I really liked because it was a good George W. Bush's dumb line. He's sort of talking about everything that's going on in his presidency. Lots going on in Washington. It's good to get out of there.

Got an NIE leak. I'd be more angry about it, but it's hard not to think it's one of my guys who leaked it. We do that. Taliban's back. That's a burn. We're reached a torture compromise. That's good, huh? The public sector has similarly. You know what constitutes torture? Listen to John McCain talk about torture. That should be against the Geneva Convention.

When is that guy going to realize no one blames him for getting caught? Oh, wow. I really like that line a lot. Yeah. It played to silence. Yeah. It played to silence address. I cut the line.

When is that guy going to realize no one blames him for getting caught? At air, I'm with Lauren. The line with the cut happens. Lauren turns to me and says, you cut the line. And I said, yeah, I cut the line. It played to silence. And he said that line was the only reason I picked that sketch. Oh, wow.

I love hearing Lauren's inner workings like that. I'm like, oh, interesting. Yeah. Now I should know, I think Lauren is right. Whether it worked or not, there was a nice craft to it, but I took it out because it really did play to silence. And I just remember that. I always think highly of Lauren.

I mean, I think I would have said it a little bit nicer than Lauren said it to me. Do you think Trump was in the audience so that 10 years later, he could be like constantly blaming McCain for getting? Well, that's the really funny thing is the GOP did find their way to a candidate who did blame him for getting captured. Yeah. Seth's Corner, that was Seth talking about stuff that he did that week.

Oh, Yorm called it, I guess. You're done. You're done. Unless you're not done and you want to continue. Oh, the song kept going. But there is more Seth's Corner, guys, because one of my favorite sketches of this era that I wrote. Please continue. TSA meeting. Welcome, everybody. Welcome. My partner and I here, we are from the Department of Homeland Security. And we want to start by saying that those of you gathered here today, America's last line in the defense against terrorism.

The decisions you make affect the lives of millions every day. You are vigilant, precise, and qualified. Every one of you has at least a high school equivalency degree. And not one of you has ever been convicted of a felony. You are the cream of the crop. You are elite. You are America's airport security. You are the TSA.

Give yourselves a hand. Give yourselves a hand. It's Jason and Dane speaking to the TSA. And then it's just the TSA being dummies. It's a full cast sketch. And it's so much fun. And it made me happy to remember everybody. But a lot of questions about the three ounces of liquids or gels.

That was frustrating, I remember that. Let's just start with a quick security refresher. Let's name some liquids and some gels. So just yell out some liquids. You wanna name some liquids and or some gels liquids and gels anything you got water water that is a liquid good toothpaste bingo that is a gel shampoo wow you guys are doing great. Turkey sandwich.

Nope, nope, nope, nope. And Forte says, what if I'm a passenger who does not have three ounces with me, but is confident I can produce three plus ounces on the flight? And Jason says, you mean producing a liquid?

And Forte says, or a gel. Jesus. Oh, this sketch has got my number. You're going to love it. I'm offended. Oh, whereas I love it. And Keev, I imagine you're somewhere in between.

Yeah, you know, it made me laugh, but I didn't like myself for laughing. It's really good. That's where we differ. Everybody's got their own lane. Now, there was a cut on air. Quatto. This might be the most I diverged with the Lonely Island over their course of the run of the show. Oh, don't, Seth. Just come back to us on this one. I'm just saying, I feel like you

have to first explain the inspiration for the character Quatto. Absolutely. Quatto is a mutant who lives in the stomach of a character that you've seen for most of the movie in The Resistance on Mars in the film Total Recall, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, based on... What is it based on? Sorry, it's based on... I don't think it's based on anything. Probably a hallucinogenic fever dream.

Anyway, the whole movie may or may not just be a digital program that he goes in to have an exciting time. Spoilers. There's a resistance on Mars, and a lot of it has to do with mutants. But Quato is the leader of the mutant resistance. And you don't know who he is and you think it's going to be a guy.

And then at one point it's revealed that Quato is actually a mutant who lives inside the stomach of one of the guys. So he opens his shirt and his whole belly is a little mutant dude. It's a wonderful reveal. And also when he does that, he kind of goes limp, right? The dude who carries quad around his belly. Yeah, the host body. Yeah, his eyes kind of roll back

like he's like busting. Oh, I'm sorry. You took that as being in pleasure? No, I'm just saying that's what it looks like on his face. By the way, I just say moments ago you were grossed out by my gel joke. That was fucking disgusting.

Also, there's kids watching SNL. Total Recall's rated R. It's totally above board. Anyway, he looks like he's buzzing a fat load. And Cuado comes out. He's not enjoying it in that way. It's just the way his expression looks. Anyways, so we were all, what if Cuado was at a house party

or something? And Seth, if I'm not mistaken, you loved the idea right off the bat. Well, here's the thing. Everything you've explained about Cuado, like you put a lot of backstory into it, none of which actually

comes to play in the Cuado that you chose to show to the world. Well, why would it? Some of it is. He's at a house party. Like, why do you need to know it yet?

I mean, I feel like in the film, Cuado was not a fan of Molson beer or smints. Oh, no. Which was basically all he talked about in the sketch.

Okay, that's not all he talked about. It's sort of peppered in. Yeah, lovingly sprinkled. Quarto aired once or twice? Twice. Well, it's different, Seth, because we felt great about Quarto, but it felt like at the time

that you thought it was weird to bring up a movie that was 20 years old and actually made us put the line in about how it didn't make any sense to reference a movie that was 20 years old and actually made us put the line in about how it didn't make any sense to reference a movie from 20 years ago. So he says the movie from 20 years ago? Yeah, that's your line because you were so horrified that we were making this reference. So I don't know. It's a little hard to say how we felt about it because I still feel great about it. And it's possible that Cuadro liked Smiths and Mson's. We never got to that part of the movie.

That might be canon. I want to open up Cuado here. That might be canon. In Cuado and Dame Cook. This is the one from Dress. You do it at Dress. Legitimately, I have a question for you, Seth. At the time, I completely understood your point of view of it's a 16-year-old movie that hadn't really stuck around that much. And we weren't doing any explaining, et cetera, et cetera.

But now in a culture that's saturated with nostalgia and IP, I wonder if it'd be different now. Well, I would like to point out that if you did it now, there would have been less time between now and the remake of Total Recall than there was between yours and the first Total Recall. Yes, yes. I don't think Quatto was in the remake, though. No way. Did they leave Quatto out? Probably because you guys. At their own peril.

No wonder I didn't watch the remake. I mean, I will give you credit for this. Usually, sometimes people will bury the premise of the sketch. The sixth line of the scene has the word Quatto in it. Yeah. This is the Lonely Island, keeps things moving. We have that opening scene. Sorry, guys, I got to grab this.

Work never ends. Jamie, wow, Danny's really sweet. Is he single? Oh, he's single, but trust me, you do not want to get involved. Jason, he's got a Quatto. That's fucking good good that's good writing and by the way

also I want to know I think this is all added between dress and air I think that this is good writing that somebody aka me no

maybe you maybe I don't think that I think that line seems like quintessential us Jason a quaddo

you know a little mutant guy who lives inside him and comes out of his stomach. It was in that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, Total Recall. Oh no, now this is the right end. There's Myers.

From like 20 years ago? That's the right end. Yeah, not explaining as us, explaining as you. Yeah, and by the way, someone crossed that out. That line was going to get cut for air because this got cut for time.

It was in the rundown. That's from Quatto dress for Dane Cook. So it got added between dress and air. Yeah. And then things have been polished for Jamie. But by the way, if it's written in for Jamie, that means it was in Dane. You guys took it out. The next week you tried it again without it.

Wait, can I continue to be offended? Because obviously, like, Seth's not liking some of the logic holes. But Keeve, how are you not on this? I'm looking at the names on here. Like, did you not like this? Because I feel like you may have. No, I don't know. But I do know that

quaddos were always your guys' thing. Yeah. We didn't always write everything together. But I'm surprised I'm not the third name on it just from being sitting in the room. Yeah. You were probably working on a cubicle fight when we wrote it. Oh, that's true. Can I just mention something real quick? I feel like my hatred for Quatto is a little bit like Andy's hatred of my dog Frisbee. Right. Oh, I don't know if you can compare. At this point, it's kind of just my thing. I don't even know

if I have any emotional feeling about it because reading it now, I'm pretty psyched. First of all, I'm psyched. I think it worked because you guys put back my line from like 20 years ago. By the way, while they're fighting me for it, this is how they want it to be. It was in that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, Total Recall. I don't think I saw that one. Why would you guys fight me on like from 20 years ago? That's a good question.

I think it's a little hateful on our parts, I would say. It's like being mean to the audience to take it out. All right. Anyway, now Cuado shows up. But here's the first big difference between Cuado in the movie and Cuado as Andy plays him. Andy, your Cuado is sort of a fun party Cuado. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, the resistance from the mutants or whatever is already done. I see. So now he's just kind of a party guy. Yeah, this is just a normal life. So movie Quado, can you even give us a sense of what movie Quado sounded like?

It was kind of like this. Open your mind, Quade. Okay. Quade was the character that Arnold Schwarzenegger played. Well, can I say that that was one of the crown jewels of writing this sketch

was that I really thought it was possible. Our version of Cuado calls everyone Quaid. He like calls someone dude. Like he just refers to everyone as like Quaid's. Let me just say, can I jump in real quick? I now want to take full responsibility. I cannot believe I asked you guys to put in the line from like 20 years ago when immediately Cuado starts calling everybody in the scene a quade. Yeah. Which is the name of the character that goes unexplained. I don't know what I was trying to fix. Like you're right. I now fully will take responsibility. What I'm still bummed

about is that I thought it was possible for us to bring that into the lexicon of the English language and then people would actually start calling each other quades just because I think that's a cool substitute for dude. Or if you got a bunch of your Cuados together and you all had a pool party or whatever, and like a bunch of Cuados were going to bring the Molson's because then they forgot. And just wait a second.

Now your argument, Andy, was that I said that you guys talked about Spence too much and you said it was peppered in. I'd like to just read Cuado's opening dialogue. What's cracking y'all? Cuado in the house. Oh my God, that's disgusting. What is it? Oh no,

is it my breath? Oh man, I knew it. Any of you Quades got a smint? Great. One. That's one.

Great writing. Sure thing, buddy. I got one right here. 2006. And Jason does have one. Sure thing, buddy. So this is a world where people carry smints.

Yeah. So it's not weird. By the way, shout out to our sponsors, Smints. We love you guys and thank you so much. Andy, keep them coming.

Oops, you missed. Thanks, Quaid. My breath is kicking like Bruce Lee. Jason, he's really into Smints. Jamie, I think I'm going to be sick. Andy, what's wrong with this Quaid? That's a third Quaid. She's never seen a Quada before. Andy, that's weird. You're a weirdo.

The Smint falls out of his mouth. Oops, my Smint fell out of his mouth. Oops. My smint fell out of my mouth. Can one of you quades put it back? Cause you don't have hands. So Jason had to throw the smint into your mouth. He did have hands, but he couldn't manipulate them.

They're like little T-Rex hands. Seth, it's not peppered in. In retrospect, so far it's the main thrust of the scene. It's all it is, yeah. It's just Smintz and Quaid over and over again. By the way, we now get off Smintz because you say, any of you Quaid's want to see me eat my own fist?

Now, by the way, I should note too, then Jamie says, why does he keep calling us Quaid? So you guys do explain. Yeah. You waited until the fifth Quaid to do it. Now, this is a line that I will say will never be forgotten in the hallways of SNL from 2006. Colin Jost and I say this to each other almost every time we're out enjoying a drink. You guys are so molded. That's what Andy

says is Quado. Hey, what Quaid does a Quado have to blow to get a Molson around here? Let's get it right. It still makes me laugh so much. I mean, it is music. It's true, thank you. I'm also so mad that right before you say Molson, you go, you guys are so molded, which sounds like Molson when you fucking have Quado saying it. Yeah, so it's messy.

It like reminded him of Molson's. By the way, neither Jorm or I had ever even drank a Molson's beer at this point. I don't know. We had just spent the whole summer in Canada. Oh, that's right. Maybe we had. Never mind.

Although we liked the coconies. Okay. To be fair, Keev, I don't know if you remember this, but when we were in high school, you and I tried to write a feature script. I can't remember what it was about, but there was a Canadian Mountie in it, and we were obsessed with Molson beer. Oh, really? Yeah, Molson was our go-to joke beer, and I don't know why.

Because it also made its way into MacGruber, right? Didn't it? Oh, yeah. He's a big fan. Stop talking about MacGruber. He was always talking about it. He'd give any excuse. And yeah, and I'm going to get it into Naked Gun.

I just haven't figured out the name. Bill wakes up, you guys. Sure. And he says, what happened? Where am I? Jamie said, you blacked out. Bill wakes up, you guys. Sure. And he says, what happened? Where am I? Jamie said, you blacked out. Bill picks a smint off his lap. Oh, no, smints.

Quatta was here, wasn't he? So that's... Yeah. That's a fucking detective story right there. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Do you remember how this sketch ended? Yes, and it got a big laugh.

Yeah. Daryl as Schwarzenegger steps in front of the camera. Bill exits. The group freezes. Daryl as Arnold Schwarzenegger steps in front of the camera. Bill exits, the group freezes, Daryl as Arnold Schwarzenegger appears in a spotlight downstage. Completely written between Justin and Eric. Hello. I'm California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

You may remember me from my films like The Terminator and hopefully Total Recall out there. Tonight, I want to talk to you about the important issue of immigration. Many of us react emotionally to this issue, much like all the people in the scene reacted to the Quarto over there.

At first look, the Quarto is repulsive. It is slimy, and it smells bad in there. But if we give the Quarto a chance, it just might help our economy. To conclude, open your mind, Quaid. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Yes, that's me out there.

Good night out there. Support for the Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast comes from LinkedIn. Hey, Jorm. Hi. When you're hiring for your small business, where do you go usually? I just walk around the streets and like shout out stuff like, hey, like anybody have like a dog walker? It's a massive waste of time. You have to check out LinkedIn Jobs, Yorm.

LinkedIn Jobs has the tools to help find the right professionals for your team faster and for free. LinkedIn, Yorm, it's not a job board. And I'd love for you to stop telling people it is. LinkedIn helps you hire professionals you can't find anywhere else. Even those who aren't actively searching for a new job but might be open to the perfect role. In a given month, over 70% of LinkedIn users don't visit other leading job sites. Sites like YormFindsYouAJob.com. How's that been going?

Well, mine's a job board. It is a job board, which is different. But, you know, it's not working good for me. Well, mine's a job board. It is a job board, which is different. Okay. But, you know, it's not working good for me. On LinkedIn, 86% of small businesses get a qualified candidate. Within 24 hours, hire professionals like a professional on LinkedIn.

Post your job for free at linkedin.com slash resource. That's linkedin.com slash resource to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply. The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Yorm, do you feel like the year's going by quickly? It's so fast, Seth. And sometimes you think to yourself, man, back in January, I had all these big plans, things to accomplish. So many plans.

Things to be proud of. I was going to make some adjustments to my life. Well, you know what? It's not too late. And one of the best ways to make adjustments is therapy. Oh. You know, take stock of your progress. Set achievable goals.

And now, if you're thinking about starting therapy, which has been very helpful for me in my life, give BetterHelp a try. Tirely in line. Designed to be convenient, flexible, suited to your schedule. You've got a busy schedule, right, Jorm? Yeah, I just got rid of my therapist, so my ears are perking up. I can see it. And the crazy thing is you're wearing headphones. Yeah, and you can see them enlarging. You can see the perkage of the ears.

That's right. Tell me more. To get started with BetterHelp, just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Take a moment. Visit BetterHelp.com slash island today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P dot com slash island. What else? What else? Hold on. I want to look at the rundown.

Yeah. So we've switched shows. We're in the second show still exhausted from Ha-Rod. Yeah, because there's still no digital shorts. And once again, you guys this time are bailed out by Fred and Amy who do New York Stories. And you go out and shoot these. Yeah. This is another one where it's just me going out as a director to help do something. These don't say SNL Digital Short on them. They do not. They just say New York stories.

Exactly. There were three kind of little interstitials that played throughout the show that were Fred and Amy as various New York icons paired up. And I think the most memorable for me is they are just Lou Reed and Patti Smith standing in front of CBGBs. And you can just tell there's a very loose script, but it mostly feels improvised and it is shot in a very guerrilla style. We're going to talk about CBGBs. CBGBs, you see this place? Last great place in New York City. They're shutting it down.

Gonna turn it in. Shut up! And I remember at the time thinking it was cool as shit. I really like, in hindsight, having just watched that one, you're saying, I remember being out there and we just had one camera. They just got dressed that way. We just ran out. And I loved how simple it was, basically. It's funny that it's making fun of the idea of putting New York on a pedestal and how punk rock it is.

And yet it also is accomplishing that it's pretty punk rock and you're actually in front of CBGB and it's not there anymore. So it's weirdly historical. Yes. Fred does a Fran Lebowitz that also seems like a,

again, Fran Lebowitz has been, I would say, ringing this bell for a long time but it does seem like fred is doing an impression of fran lebowitz's documentary with marty scorsese pretended to city but like 15 years before it airs are you ready are we uh all framed up this is my favorite street in all of new york i grew up all along. And this hydrant used to be the best Jewish deli. Pastrami sandwiches, this big, $3. You'd kill your mother for it. The busboy was Bobby De Niro. You kind of can't believe how keyed in Fred was, of course, to Fran Lebowitz, Lou Reed, Marty Scorsese. It's the things that he loves and then finds the little kernel of

putting it on this exponential plane of like, look at this tiny little aspect and now I'm going to blow it up like a thousand times. Well, that's what Fred and Bill do. And it got to the point on the show where they had like a one sentence impression of everyone who worked at the show. Yeah. And they would reduce you to rubble. And you'd just be like, oh, yeah, no, do that. And they'd be like, and you're like, oh, yeah, no, do that. And they'd be like, uh, blah, blah, blah. And you're like, oh, fuck, you just destroyed their whole personality.

But everyone would laugh super hard and be like, that is what they sound like. Oh, fuck. I distinctly remember Fred's version of me because I was like, oh, he's going to do my voice. And then he was just saying, I'm your mom. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it.

And I was like, oh, fuck. It's so accurate. I once do it. And I was like, oh, fuck. It's so accurate. I once saw Fred. Oh, by the way, first of all, Fred just left me a voice note today where he said, I was just watching September 22nd rerun of our show and the drums were a little hot coming out of the third commercial break. And I just wanted to apologize and let you know, we're going to fix it for the repeat. God damn it. Marty Short and Steve Martin asking me if I'd seen Fred's impression of one of Lauren's friends. Like somebody they'd known for 40 years, Fred had found a one word

impression of, and they were so taken aback by how good it was that they were making Fred do it for other people. Anybody who walked by that they were making Fred do it for other people. Anybody who walked by that they thought knew Lauren's friend. And I just thought, God, that he can blow their minds. Yeah. A couple of things from the Jamie Presley show. There was the first John Bovey sketch. John Bovey was a forte, Sudeikis.

They were a Bon Jovi opposite band. So you're the great Jackie Downs, huh? Yeah. And who the hell are you? We are your next hit record. Great. So I hear you're a rock band, something like Bon Jovi. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You take that back. We are nothing like Bon Jovi. We couldn't be further from Bon Jovi. God. Okay, fine. So what is your band's name? further from Bon Jovi. God!

Okay, fine. So what is your band's name? John Bovey. See, now, that sounds a lot like Bon Jovi to me. Yeah, well, the similarity's in there, Jackie Downs.

Yeah, you do not even mention Bon Jovi in the same sentence as John Bovey. It is insulting to us and all the Bovey fans. But much like Stefan, it lived as a sketch first

and only once in the Jamie Presley show. Right, right. That did air. Did the first Stefan air? It was with Ben Affleck. I feel like it maybe aired. I think it did air. I'm not sure.

Well, it at least went to dress. I know that. It definitely went to dress. How did they queue up the sketch? Was it they were selling an album so they could do a bunch of songs? I remember they were trying to sign a record deal. Oh, okay. Because they kept saying, one of the catchphrases was,

we brought our own pens. And I'm unwanted. Unwanted. Alive and dead. Alive and dead. Alive and dead. Boom! Now where the F do we sign?

Brought our own pens. There was a sketch, a James Anderson sketch, that I feel like it was too hard to maybe stage, but it made me laugh so hard at the table. And it did go to air. NASCAR dancers, do you remember NASCAR dancers? No. Think of cheerleaders, but they're at a NASCAR race

and they have to run out and do a routine and then get off before the cars come back around. Another sketch that I feel like maybe not remembered by the audience, but certainly remembered by me, big wigs, where Jamie and Polar, I think maybe it was just the two of them had very big wigs.

No, there was a third at least. Maybe wig. Maybe. That one was infamous. That was infamous. Oh, why? I remember that was the photo used in our first Saturday Night Dead headline.

Was there a Simpsons episode that did that too? Or like as a making fun of SNL? Or am I just making that up? No, no, that's the crusty Big Ear family. Right. But it's basically the same thing. Yeah. Just taking the idea that people call bosses big wigs and went,

what if they actually had big wigs? You guys, they're here. Oh, from corporate. The big wigs and went, what if they actually had bigwigs? You guys, they're here. Who? From corporate. The bigwigs. Houston, we have a problem, but lucky for you, we're the problem solvers. C-I-G-Wigs. It was a little meta. It was a little meta. A little winky. It was a little meta. It was a little meta. A little winky. It was very fun to look at and they were goofing so hard.

Yes, but I also get why you can make fun of it at a distance. If you were looking to hate on us at all, it was a very easy way to hate on it. I will say that I carry a photo around of that sketch on my phone and send it to Hall of Fame sketch writer Emily Spivey probably once every six months. I will always say I can't hear big wigs. It completely worked. It worked in the way that Yorma wanted Quaid to take off. Yeah. When I hear big wigs, I think of those ladies and their big wigs. I will say I remember the week of being like, this is so goofy and enjoying it

and then being kind of shocked that there was anything about it. Late in the show. That's where it's supposed to be. Oh, I should note, it was before Cuado in the show. I mean, this was a good time. Let me just say, this is... Everything about the end of this show

is why I believe we are in a golden era. You think the best cast ever. Understood. You got Big Wigs, Quatto, and then On the Porch was a great sketch with Wig, and then Jogger. We had another Jogger. Oh, really?

Added on air, so it must have been an old one. And now, a moment with the out-of-breath Jogger from 1982. Oh, oh, oh, oh, man. This recession is the worst, huh? Oh, whoo! Gorbachev really has Reagan against the ropes. Oh, man. Oh, oh.

I'm so tired. I feel the way the world champion St. Louis Cardinals must have felt right after they won the World Series this year. Oh, oh, man. Pet rock. Oh. Can't wait to get one of those new Ataris and play 1992. Woo!

Get out. Wait, that's how long it is? Under two pages. That's how long it is. That's perfect. Oh, that's fantastic. I mean, again, you guys never overstayed your welcome.

Jogger's the final sketch of the night. Out of Breath Jogger from 1982. This is an Andy Samberg audition piece. And this is, I think, maybe Andy, certainly early era Andy Samberg in his purest form. Can you explain Out of Breath Jogger from 1982? my audition until the night before my audition, my second one. I went out in New York with one of the only people I knew there, Keeve's then girlfriend, now wife, Liz Kikowski. And we went to the Chelsea flea market and I found these incredible early eighties Adidas running shorts that were far too short. And we went back to where I was staying and I was like,

all right, Liz, check them out. And I came out wearing them and just started doing it. And she was like, you should just do that. And I was like, okay. So I like wrote up him just saying things from the year 1982 very specifically.

So I could say that was the name of it and did it at the end of the audition, had to pull off my pants to be in the shorts because of course that's comedy. And I think I was told later that that was what sealed it for me with Lorne, was Out of Breath Jagger from 1982, a thing that just sort of by chance, goofing around the night before, is what made Lorne laugh, throwing it in at the last second, which makes sense because that's kind of how SNL works.

Yes. Also, I love that basically a costume item spoke to you at a flea market. It didn't change at all between audition and air, too. No, it was basically as written. Sometimes people build a whole sketch around something, but this was just the classic, like, title card. So maybe Lauren just ordered it up

based on the audition. He was like, hey, we need that right now. Stat. He'll get those shorts. Yeah. The coolest part about it for me was it's that level of stupidness which is basically me dicking around in the mirror kind of thing but it's super short

so low stakes late in the show and you're just out there and it's just you and the snl audience what's missing of course and why i do encourage everybody to go back and watch it i think andy being out of breath and tired is a super funny move. And I will also say, I think you did a lot of leaning over. And also, in my memory, you're also doing a lot of leaning back. Yeah.

There's also something nice about a sketch that doesn't have any cuts in it because then you're just watching the performer's timing. It's like watching an update feature or something where you're like, no, I'm just watching this person do their thing whether it's funny or not and update features i would say feel very intimate and it's how the audience gets to know cast members a lot and this is basically served like a update feature the only reason it probably wasn't an update feature is you

wouldn't have seen the shorts which were the money maker but it really could have been and you would just do that thing where you stand in front of the desk. Yeah, that's true. But you did Out of Breath Dogger a couple other times, right? I think one more time. 90s? Was it a 90s look? Yeah. Just think, if you hadn't bought those shorts, Andy,

it's possible that we wouldn't be doing this podcast. That's right. You wouldn't have got hired. They definitely wouldn't have hired me and Keith after that. We wouldn't be doing this. It's possible. Yeah. And I think we can agree the best thing

that came out of all of it is the podcast. Are you saying, Andy, that maybe we have been focusing on the wrong kind of shorts for this podcast? I was not saying that.

I like that. I will now. All right. So we're two episodes into the season. Season two. We have not done a short yet. But kill in the live game.

You did a short. It just wasn't written by us. Right. And Keeve has knocked out two pre-tapes that were both great. That's true. And edited them and stuff. So I was still working really hard. And if I recall, you guys were like just recuperating.

I was definitely feeling very sorry for myself. Quatto, you think that that's fucking working not hard? I mean, you know how long it took us to come up with some of those lines? I hope we haven't missed them yet because who is always sick? Which character was always sick, Andy? Gerald. Gerald. And then who is the worst dude ever?

Gerard. Gerard. Very different characters. But neither ever went to dress. Oh, really? No. I think Gerard was the year before because he rode it with Murray and he's gone now. But Gerard, the worst dude ever.

Gerard maybe went to dress. Is it called a recumbent bike? Is that what he was on? Yeah. He was the worst dude ever, Gerard. He smokes a whole lot

of beefy whang. What the hell? For Gerald, because it was the most obnoxious thing that we ever did at the table read ever. We made a title song,

Gerald, He's Always Sick, that lasted a minute and a half. And we made everyone listen to it. With a lot of hacking cops. It was horrible. We did it over The Knife, that song by The Knife. Yeah, it was a nightmare.

The thing I remember about Gerard, who just came to a party and was the worst dude ever, referred to Jamiroquai as the quai. The quai. He's a quai head. He's a quai head. And that's another one that stayed with me a long time. Yeah, he's followed the quai on tour. Yeah, he's following the quai, der. He kept saying der.

Yeah, the quai, Jamiroquai, der. So, like, this is the sort of stuff that wasn't even good enough. I mean, it couldn't even crack the roster we had. Well, that was the year before. That's true. So it was more of a big cast. That's what I blame it on. Oh, right, right.

I think this year, if you had either Gerard or Gerald, oh, that made me so mad, they're both us. They probably were put to the table at some point this year. That's true, yeah. Probably multiple times. That's why we all remember them so fondly. We got multiple. No, no, actually, we didn't do it. Gerald was so painful.

You were so adamantly against us doing that, Keeve. You were like, this is a massive waste of time. They're going to hate it. And then when it played, you were right. A minute and a half theme song for a character that no one liked was a bad idea. I do think during the theme song was one of the first times we saw Lorne actually put his face in his hands. He was so disappointed. Yeah, he was super annoyed.

He was so mad and disappointed. And me and Andy, I do remember thinking it was pretty funny. I remember he held his edamame to the side of his head with a little pistol and he squeezed it. He squeezed it. One soybean. Three little soybeans popped against his head. That's what it's like. I wish these were bullets.

If only. I think in time, Lauren probably found means to be angrier at you guys than he was at this moment. But this is the first time Lauren was really mad at the Lonely Island. Whereas I had already had that moment when they fought me on the clarification line in Quatto.

Yeah. 20 years, which I think really cleared it up. So Gerard says things like, I'm already so full from noshing on Gorp all dizzy. Oh, he's about to slam a Mike's hard lemonade. Hey kids, can you believe I'm about to slam this Mike's? I'm already so full from noshing on Gorp all dizzy. And then read the line about how he's painting the bowl, please. And then he opens it and says, and twins.

He's the worst dude ever. Oh, wait, you forgot his first entry line. Hey, don't you wish they made a candy bar that was just all nougat? Hey, don't you wish they made a candy bar that was just all nougat? That's the first thing he says. Yeah, but my favorite thing in the whole sketch might be before he even comes in. Where Maya says to Scarlet, wow, great party, Claire.

Oh, thanks. And then Amy, yeah, you know what my favorite thing about this party is? Nobody weird is going to show up. Ding dong.

Oh, I'll get it. That was what we wanted every sketch to have that line. I hope the weird shows up. Might as well be Cuadro's entrance.

You guys, you were also, you were a former didgeridoo player. Hey Gerard, what are you doing in town? Oh, only following the quai.

What? Following the quai? I'm sorry, I don't understand. The quai. I'm a quai head. Der. That's how many times

we're getting. What is the quai? Then he finally says, oh, Jumeirah quai. He stopped playing the quai? Then he finally says, oh, Jamiroquai. He stopped playing the didgeridoo. In his words, the didge was, call it a didge. The didge was player Hayden on my invisaligns.

Invisaligns. This should have aired. Oh my God. And then I guess in singing the praises of, you can't even tell they're there. Hope you don't mind. i parked my inlines on el porcho he says that he's following jamiroquai on tour and then he asks scarlett jansen what are you guys doing in town and scarlett says we live here and andy's response is sweet doing the bart And then her reaction is, yeah, I guess. I'm so thirsty.com. What?

Ha ha. Dot org, right? Dot net. Dot edu. Oh, fuck. Here's Amy describing him in case the audience didn't know he was the worst dude ever. Guys, the dude has a tattoo of the Tasmanian devil dressed like crisscross on his lower back. That would actually be pretty cool these days.

Yeah, that has come back. Will you read your exit line, Andy? Just scroll right to the bottom. Just read your final line for us in character. This is how you leave the scene. Hey, can you space cowgirls point me to El Banyo? It's time to give the bowl a fresh coat of used gourd. Oh my god, I forgot the word used.

That's such a bigger bummer. Used gourd. Oh, don't eat that. That's used Gorse. You ate it and now it's used. Hopefully next time we see you, we'll have an actual digital short to talk about. Oh, we do.

The next one is, again, not Criterion Collection, but I can't wait. Harpoon Man, is that what it's called? Oh, yeah. Harpoon Man, John C. Reilly. We'll see you guys next time. Thanks for listening. Love you guys. Love you for listening love you guys love you the lonely island and seth meyers podcast is supported by airbnb